Ah, the Labor Day Weekend is here already for me. Hallelujah. A conclusion to an odd week.

Well, my Dad went through his cataract surgery and astigmatism procedure and what ever else he had corrected on one of his peepers today and everything seems fine at this point. I dunno, I was on pins and needles for this one. Probably goofily so, as I thought that maybe it was performed with pins and needles by some Medieval Opthamologist. I know, I know, routine surgery. But for some reason, I felt strange karma all week, so I tried to occupy my time with other things. Kinda minding my own business and watching way too much baseball.

But for some reason, I was apprehensive about this procedure, even more than when he got his ticker retooled. I rationalized that one by thinking if something went wrong, it would really go wrong. But for this one, if something went wrong, I guess we'd have to hear about it while the problem still existed. I am still amazed he may not need glasses when all is said and done. I can't ever remember him not wearing them. He thinks he'll be more handsome. My niece says not so fast.

I saw him today and he said he can see a lot better, Has to follow up tomorrow morning. I am very relieved. Just think if it was really serious stuff to go through. Yikes!

Meal of Links

It's the house of Anthony Kiedis. And he is not giving it away.

Oscar movies you should see. Are we in that season already?

Arsenal is trying to trademark "Gooner". I think the Browns went through this mess years ago or was it the Rock Hall, where certain photos were not allowed to be sold. Because of image rights or something.

Exercise Yard

















Tonight was the most fun at the the ballpark in a long, long time as Shaun, Gale and I were in attendance. They were by far the best seats I've ever had at Jacobs Field, surpassing even where I've sat recently. Section 136, Row B, one section from the Mariners dugout. Get this, Gale touched a living Hot Dog, Shaun ends up with a ball, and I got concussed. Again, me on the short end.

















To set the scene, when we arrived there were some college kids in the row behind us yelling, "Garko! Garko!". They wanted a ball and other such nonsense. I wanted to join in, but thought my favorite Indian would look upon me poorly. These chants continued on and on and became quite annoying actually, but more on them later.

You know you can text the Tribe now and they run a scroll of texts on the scoreboard. Unfortunately, none of my texts showed up. Anyhow, at one time I said I would run on the field to grab second base, but with my new phone and texting prowess ("New Toy, oh oh oh"), I would probably be texting and taking pictures all the way out there and would get caught fairly quickly.

It's a different world down there that close. A guy in front of us, in one of the middle innings, got a foul roller that he picked up. The camera guy came down later in the game and showed the Garko chanters, then all of a sudden someone's cap got whipped onto the field. It seems some old-timer was not happy everyone was crowding around his rows to get on the camera and mayhem ensued. Until a guy we named "The Rock", complete with his Green Beret uniform, kinda sauntered over to keep the peace.

Mom and Pop and son and daughter with mitts show up across the aisle from us after a few innings. The kids sit in the front row, parents behind. Everything is fine, until the boy receives a ball from Fat Batboy. Then the girl starts sobbing that she didn't get anything. I don't know who worked their magic, but an inning or so later someone from the Indians brings down a bag of Ricky Vaughan "Wild Thing" glasses from a previous giveaway. Yes, tears work. The kids get theirs, they're happy. Mom and Dad get theirs, they're happy. Oh, there are extras? They start getting handed out among the neighboring crowd and we clearly hear Mom tell son, give one to the lady over there, meaning Gale. Of course, he proceeds to give it to one of the Garko chanters. Hah!

That was not the highlight for Gale. As you know, the Hot Dog Derby featuring Ketchup, Mustard and Onion racing is now a staple at the old ballyard. I preferred the old animated version called by Frank Furter. For a time now, they have been using three people dressed as hot dogs and they run around the warning track from left field and end at the visitors' dugout. After the race, Ketchup stood up on the fence right by our aisle and Gale and a bunch of others ran over and high-fived and hugged him. So, Gale touched Ketchup.

In the warmup for the ninth inning, Garko realized that these clowns had yelled at him for nine innings and he better do something about it, because they were getting on him for not acknowledging him, etc. He hatched a plan where he would throw the infield ball to these guys to shut them up. However, his aim was not that good. Now, let me set the stage here. Gale is paying attention. Shaun and I are complaining about Joe Borowski, while I watch the same damn Borowski highlight film I've seen three times already this week. All of a sudden, whack! Someone behind me has crashed into my head. In the next few seconds, Shaun is standing next to me, then sitting down while holding a baseball. What just happened?

















From what I've been able to piece together, Gale determines that Garko throws the ball over. She alerts us by saying something to the effect of "Oh, oh, oh." Shaun apparently deciphers this as "Garko has just thrown the ball in our general direction." Hearing this, he stands up just in time to reach over a guy, a guy with a glove mind you, and catches the ball. While this is going on, I am oblivious, but in my ignorance, especially the left side of my head and neck, I have effectively blocked one of the Garko chanters from receiving a ball that was probably rightfully his (in his mind). But nothing was said. Shaun received no crap. Gale ended up with the baseball from Shaun. And I got nary an apology. But I do have a headache.

Oh, the Tribe won in the ninth. Kenny Lofton with a walkoff walk for the game winner. Overcoming two non-balk calls by this guy:

















Visitor

26 Across: Braddock took his heavyweight crown in 1935 (4 letters) Answer: Baer

I had an odd morning this a.m. First of all, there is something that dug a hole in my backyard. A sort of conical dig. OK, it’s not like a dinosaur was back there, but it’s a hole big enough that if you weren’t paying attention and stepped into it, you would probably be rolling around on the ground. I didn’t do that, but I don’t need anyone from the critter community suing me. We have a pact!

Man, those nachos last night. If I were a band, I’d be these guys.

Then, as I’m driving, I notice a guy in front of me who looks suspiciously like Edward Burns in front of me. Now, why would Edward Burns be driving a beat up Chevy Cavalier on I-480 this morning? I don’t know, but he drove like I think Edward Burns would drive. Not paying attention, then all of a sudden gettin' all aggressive and causing lane mayhem.

Of course, I had the XM on. It seems they have rediscovered catalogs from The Jam, Elvis Costello’s older stuff, and Robyn Hitchcock. They actually played “The Man with the Lightbulb Head” when Robyn had the Egyptians. “I'm the man with the lightbulb head, I turn myself on in the dark.” Tee hee.

Meal of Links

Today's primer, children, is on how to solicit gay bathroom sex. Really, who knew all this stuff? I thought people went to the corner stall when they had to make The Art of Noise! Here we find out, you go there and wait for some guy to start doing a Bojangles routine next to your stall, lots of tapping and hand waving. "I have a wide stance." Are you kidding me? "Hey, Donald O'Connor, you are not my sunshine, kapish? I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket." And think of that poor cop who has to sit in that stall when legitimate shitters arrive after a long flight. Talk about hazard pay, sheesh!

Here are the Worst Jobs in Rock and Roll. Pete Doherty's lawyer, ha ha.

Mmmm...cookies! Ugh...walnuts.

Exercise Yard

Tonight was another episode in the series, "My Dinner With Wedgie", as I attended the Tribe game this evening. The Indians won, 4-3. I was in 157 with Nomar Stalker and his Dad. They treated me nice and bought me a cookie.

The game itself was a rather weak affair, but it matched two of the better pitchers in the league, Sabathia and Santana. The Indians jumped all over Johan Santana for 4 runs in the first, then stopped scoring. The Twins crawled back into it with three runs, but never tied it up. The Indians are on a roll once again and, dare I say, are making a major move toward the playoffs. I am declaring for the last time this season: The Twins are done, Bobby Hill, stick a fork in them.

Visitor

21 Across: Jessica of "Dark Angel" (4 letters) Answer: Alba

I'm writing through this through a fog of Kevin pours, but I was at the Tribe game for Game 2 of TWIB (This Week in Baseball). My friend Chuck and I took our seats in Section 163 to watch the Indians win, 6-5. No celebrity look-alikes tonight. Last night was full of folks like Fred Funk, Kenny Rogers (the singer) and Jurgen Prochnow. Tonight was just standard, garden variety fan.

The game itself had lots of ups and downs. The Indians went up 3-0 on the strength of a Hafner homer. The Twins caught up and tied it. The Indians went ahead, eventually getting two runs in the eighth to go up 6-3. Which proved to be important because Joe Borowski came on the ninth. Homer by Buscher (Remember Homer Bush? I always liked his nickname, Misnomer Bush.) made it 6-4. Another run came across before Borowski got Justin Morneau looking for strike three. We win!

I actually ordered nachos tonight. Huh? What was that all about? They were good, but I didn't finish them. That wasn't the highlight, however. Two outstanding defensive plays turned in by the Minnesota nine were. Nick Punto barehanded a ball in short centerfield to throw out Ryan Garko, who probably cursed how slow he was, all the way back to the dugout. It shows the genius of whoever decided the bases should be 90 feet apart. Later on, Torii (Tore-eye-eye-eye-eye-eye) Hunter robbed Casey Blake (that guy again) on a deep ball to center. Hunter crashing into the wall to make the catch. Big time stuff.































But with the loss tonight, the Twins are now on life support.

Meal of Links

Obviously, I'm known for my expert swimming. Especially in parts unknown. But I don't mind bubble baths. But, this is ridiculous. I would be very confused. Is it the ocean?...a tub?...God help me.

Mother Jones currently has an informative series on Katrina. BTW, if you get a chance, read "1 Dead in Attic: After Katrina" by Chris Rose. It's out in paperback and I heard him in an interview recently. His writings about the Cat Lady will rip you up.

65 Must-See Films at the Toronto Film Festival. The Dylan movie, of course. My good friend, George Clooney, is in "Michael Clayton". A doc, "Amazing Journey: The Story of The Who". Wonder what that's about. Trust me, I will hunt that one down locally. "Battle in Seattle" amongst others. A strong lineup. Remember, this festival got the "Borat" steamroller started.

Exercise Yard

Here's how Tim Couch was able to make his comeback. Crazy little thing called steroids.

Visitor

52 Down: NBC sportscaster Bob (6 letters) Answer: Costas

"It's not a habit
It's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it
you're on the other side
I'm not an addict (Maybe that's a lie)"

And so my week at Jacobs Field begins. I had scored some tickets in Section 157. The men in my family visited the old ballyard to see the Indians "Mary Kate and Ashley" Minnesota, 8-3. I had to get my Dad down there before his cataract surgery later this week. The highlight had to be the triple play the Tribe pulled off in the 7th inning. Rafael Perez showed up on the mound after two Twins got on. Tough jam with no one out.

Just then, Mike Redmond hits a hot grounder to third. Casey Blake, sensing history, steps on the third base bag for one out. He whips a throw to Asdrubal Cabrera at second for out number two.
















Then Cabrera (channeling Ronnie Belliard on a pivot) fires over to Victor Martinez, doing his best Ryan Garko imitation, for the third out. It beats Redmond by a step. The place goes nuts!

























Or were those the peanuts my Dad brought in? Anyhow, the Tribe was never threatened and we have a chance, finally, to put the Twins out of their misery this week.

Meal of Links

Be sure to catch Christopher Hitchens on C-Span's Book TV (C-Span 2), Sunday, September 2 at Noon. He's on for three hours. Always an interesting time and this time he'll be talking about religion.

It saddens me that Owen Wilson tried to kill himself. The Wilson Brothers are really funny.

A 4-door Porsche.

Exercise Yard

Michael Vick must know this: "Nobody fucks with the Jesus."

Bad early joke:

"How will Michael Vick find it in jail?"
"Ruff."

The New York Football Giants. Look for them on SoapNet this year.

Visitor

20 Across: Christina Crawford memoir (13 letters) Answer: Mommie Dearest

Since the Browns were on the road last night, it was time to visit Paul's again. That means 2 TVs, bloodies, pizza, skins and taco salad. Paul lives out by the airport in the line of fire for expansion. So, a lot has changed since we were last there. Some buildings have been razed, others boarded up, and a handful of folks still living there, including him. I called him the "The Last of the Mohicans", but I think Gary phrased it correctly when he said, "I've seen this before...it's Love Canal!". I think that fits better. It reminded me of the urban lady in the PD this past week who has been the only resident on her street for the last seven years. Of course, we decided that Paul would be the last one there, interviewed on TV and perhaps lying down in front of the bulldozer for some sort of attention grab.

Anyhow, we got to see the Indians beat up on the Royals and the Browns take Denver. Interestingly, this week all three Browns quarterbacks played pretty well. I thought, once again, Brady Quinn (with a newly shaved head) played the best, given the skilled players he was paired with. Two beautiful passes Charlie Frye could only dream of throwing. One to Winslow for about 25. Another to Joe Jurevicius for an almost incredible TD, but Joe could only get one foot down.

Feel kind of bad for Derek Anderson. He was a victim of some shabby play calling and on one drive a penalty put him in the hole right away. I think he's gone and it looks like Charlie Frye will start. Pardon my yawn. Quinn in by Game 4...book it.

Defensively, the Browns couldn't stop the run. And Phil Dawson missed another field goal. Don;'t know where this is going once the season starts, but I wish it was better.

The other highlight was some local wrestling production that STO had on after the Indians game. Whoo boy, where to begin. Lousy production values, inept wrestlers, lame crowd adds up to a train wreck of a program that you can't take your eyes from. And most of the sponsors are in the Clark-Fulton and Detroit-Shoreway neighborhoods. I actually drove past Pit Stop Donuts at 44th and Clark this a.m. on my way to Mazzone's Bakery. Very funny stuff.

Meal of Links

Saw "The Bourne Ultimatum"yesterday. Gale and I hoofed it over to Crocker to see it. I had Lemonheads! Jason Bourne is very cool, why in this movie he used a handy towel to kill someone. It makes me wonder what I could use if I had to kill. Looking around the room, I see a Corona maraca key chain I could eye gouge with, a roll of wrapping paper I could block stuff with and use as a hitting weapon, an Oakland Raider hardhat for slugging someone with or protecting my dome, some cable wire for choking. I think I have the appropriate arsenal.

Bourne also seems to have Google Maps embedded in his brain, as he was in London, Turin, and Tangiers creating mayhem, without really asking for any directions at any time. And why was everyone in Tangiers wearing a coat, I thought it was warm there. Excellent car chases. Albert Finney seems to have morphed into Andy Griffith. No one seemed to care about the Julia Stiles character after the mid-point of the movie. Best line from Bourne: "If you were in your office right now we'd be having this conversation face-to-face." Damon, Strathairn and Allen are all good. Looks like a fourth one is possible, if they choose.

God help us. That was Miss South Carolina at Miss Teen USA. BTW, she finished fourth. I'm sure only the final five were asked questions, so it makes you wonder what Miss West Virginia said or looked like.

The two hottest singles in Hollywood are George Clooney and Cameron Diaz. I don't know what it says about me, but I had an odd dream recently where I was friends with George Clooney. So much so, I would just call him Clooney, as in "Listen here, Clooney!". He was in town for some black-tie affair and I got to tag along. Admittedly, very strange. Speaking of singles, here is where Cleveland ranks.

Exercise Yard

There is a new Shawn Kemp. His name is Travis Henry. He has nine children.

Meanwhile, some love for Pro Football Talk.

Visitor

None, as it was a rainy Sunday to start than it was sunny, but somehow I mowed my lawn early enough before it arrived. OK, it's 9:00 a.m. when I did it, wake up, people!

I'm not dead...yet.

So, what has happened since I last checked in.

I had an almost all-day hangover after attending Bar Louie. Must remember to eat.

A dwarf caught his penis in a vacuum while performing. Performing what? I have no idea.

Amy Winehouse achieves Dead Pool potential status.

Both Mega Millions drawings had me getting two numbers, which translates to squat. Next drawing: $250 million.

The author of "Dexter" speaks.

Dammit, MTV stole my idea. Nicole Richie was in jail as long as it takes to watch "Borat"

Got to see Cate Blanchett as Dylan in the trailer for "I'm Not There". That's Dylan as in Bob, not McDermott.

Derek Jeter gave Jessica Alba herpes? Huh...what?

Sports talk in this town is abysmal. Mark "Munch" Bishop uttered what is easily the dumbest thing I've heard all year by a sports host. He said, "The Browns could be showcasing D.A.". Yes, this clown uttered a phrase containing words that should never be used in any context, "showcasing Derek Anderson". It's complete bullshit like this that goes unchallenged that really irks me. Who in the NFL will give up even a 7th round pick for Anderson? The loser of Frye-Anderson (barring injury) is cut, end of story. Needless to say that statement combined with the Buckeyes looming probably forces us to not listen to this Mensa ever again.

We have now used Tom Hamilton's phrase from the WTAM Indians commercial, "This place is actually vibrating." at least 250 times this week.

Meal of Links

Fast Company has an profile of Mahalo, the new search engine. More about the developer probably, but an interesting read.

I consulted this calorie website after my hangover induced me to buy a chicken sandwich from the King yesterday. Omigod.

Stephen Hunter can always turn a phrase in his movie reviews. This time, it's the "Nanny Diaries". "For example, the movie shows a HarvardPrincetonYale "typical" mogul type in a mock museum diorama screaming orders to his broker over the phone, but if you look carefully, the guy has clip-on suspenders. Clip-ons! Good God, it's so hard to get quality help these days! This is like Abe Lincoln wearing a fedora."

Exercise Yard

The Braves designated Wicky Wicky Bob for assignment. The Braves don't seen too upset about it. Not sure if he would find his way back here, but they all seem to come back. Remember, we had Russell Branyan for about a day-and-a-half a couple of weeks back.

Visitor

47 Across: "Phantom" star Billy (4 letters) Answer: Zane

Mega Millions is up to $200 million. As I always say when it gets that high, it's nice to take a chance and dream about winning. I would seriously have trouble comprehending getting that much money.

Don't get me wrong,I would enjoy it very much. But I think I would wake up every morning and laugh for at least an hour.

Meal of Links

The latest Google Earth allows you to check the skies above. Constellations and everything. Very cool.

Have your IP address moaned. It's loud...check the sound.

News on a "Trainspotting" sequel. Begbie must be in it, I beg of you.

Exercise Yard

This is actually a pretty funny idea. A blog about people who wear random unis. Not necessarily outdated, but really bad choices. Classics include a random Ryan Leaf and a really random Vin Baker. Man, these guys should go to a Browns game.

I recently saw an urban guy with one of those Dell Curry Charlotte Hornet specials. Did a double take because I couldn't believe it.

Visitor

26 Across: Lucy of "Kill Bill" (3 letters) Answer: Liu

Wow, Dylan and Elvis on the same tour. Costello, that is. And how do ypu figure another re-release of "My Aim Is True". Remains a classic, but is that 5 or so versions by now? Sheesh. Although this version features a Nashville concert from 1977, complete with a soundcheck.

Meal of Links

I find this interesting. Keith Olbermann gets to do a Sunday night "Countdown" on NBC this week. Highlight shows probably ruin that for the regular season, but not a bad idea. It's summer and you might get a few eyeballs watching that don't normally see it.

This guy tells us how to live frugally. "Avoid valet parking" seems to be a credo attached to me that resonates as a falsehood.

"Pretty in pink. Isn't she?" Science says it's so.

Psychedelic Furs-"Pretty In Pink"



Exercise Yard

The Indians had a one-hitter thrown at them tonight. From a AA pitcher who they saw a week ago. It's amazing how they have forgotten how to hit and still remain in first place. Barely. Good thing was it only took an hour fifty-nine to play.

Visitor

38 Across: Willem of "Spider-man" (5 letters) Answer: Dafoe

I thought spring was supposed to occur before summer. Let's get this rain outta here, well, maybe not so quickly. I get to think of warmer climes for a while. That reminds me, my passport status has reached the stage where I have been assigned a "Passport Tracking Number". Being only 2 weeks into the process, they remind me that I chose Routine Processing. That means it will take 10-12 weeks overall before I get my new one. Let's see how it fares.

Meal of Links

They are selling a lot of "the Simpsons" Kwik-E-Mart stuff on eBay. "Damn you, eBay!"

A rather odd, but sad, story about a double suicide. Beck gets a mention.

Geez, every time you think you might consider yourself having a hint of the clever gene, this dude pops the question in a unique way. And this after I was hitting peanuts on a table with a pencil. I need to set my sights a little higher, I guess.

Exercise Yard

In case you were wondering how the mortgage crisis might affect Quicken Loans. And ultimately, the Cavs. And what about that Varejao signing anyhow?

Visitor

36 Down: "Citizen Kane" director Orson (6 letters) Answer: Welles

While watching Arsenal-Blackburn on the PC, here is the scene when Jeff and I entered Cleveland Browns Stadium last night (and, yes, we got there way too early):



And the view from the seats (where if you concentrate really hard, you can hear "Run, William, Run!" from the dark recesses of your brain):



The Browns played the Lions last night for the Great Lakes Trophy or some such nonsense. However, it raises money for charity, so there you go. The Browns plan was to give all four of the quarterbacks some playing time. Uh, that can't be good. So, the order was going to be Derek Anderson followed by Charlie Frye followed by Ken Dorsey followed by the People's Choice, Brady Quinn.

In a prior arrangement, we had decided we were only going to stay for the first half, then I was going to watch the second half with my Dad, on a non-HD TV. As you know, I have seen some pretty bad tackle football games since the Browns have returned. And Browns Version 2.3 did not disappoint with that first-half performance. It may have been the worst preseason effort from a starting offense I've ever witnessed.

Normal items first:

Menu this year consists of beer at $6.75. Hot dogs are $4.00, pretzels are $3.75, nachos are $6.75. No more "dog bowl" for the nachos. It appears the Chinese have developed some sort of half-football for transport and dipping purposes. My brother is a noted nacho eater and has said the recesses for the salsa and cheese product at either end are constructed poorly. Because when those near the bottom, your fingers are gonna get messy. Watch out kids!

New signs for the numbered sections above the portals. Also, a la Quicken Loans Arena, ribbon message boards below the club seats on either side of the field offer messages in color.

G.E. Smith has gone the way of the dropkick.

And how about the Replay Apparatus this year? Instead of "going under the hood", the ref enters some voting/porn shop curtained-booth, so fans can't yell or throw stuff at them.

Bad t-shirts were plentiful last night. "Beer we go Brownies, beer we go!". "Here's your Shitsburgh Squealers" with a dog taking a shit prominently displayed. Where are these people's Moms?

Really a poor choice, once again, of unis by the fans. 2 Couch, 85 K. Johnson, 92 C. Brown, 10 Holcomb, 37 Henry. I think 33 Hoard took the cake. No 30 K. Brown (No college), though.

Not going to say too much about the Browns defense. Jon Kitna of the Lions was firing the ball all over, with two of his starting wide receivers not even playing. And it was 16-0 at the half.

Rating the QBs:

Anderson: Anderson was terrible, but passed up Frye in the QB stakes. Nothing prepares a Browns fan for the regular season more than the sequence the team pulled off, as Anderson was sacked, then he fumbled, on the very first play. Only to be surpassed as they reached a first-and-goal at the Lions one-yard line in the first quarter. It proceeded, as follows:

Delay of game penalty on the Browns. Back up 5 yards.
Late substitution resulting in a Browns timeout.
Lewis for 4 yards up the middle.
False start by Browns. Back up 5 yards.
Jeff says, "Watch him throw an interception."
We then watched him throw an interception.

It was so bad, he needed more work in the third quarter. He eventually got the Browns in field goal range, where Phil Dawson missed.

Frye: As the game played out, Frye will be the most likely to be cut. I don't think you keep Anderson and Frye, if Quinn will be your eventual starter.

Frye was a victim of the Browns coaching staff ineptitude once again. During his two-minute drill, after failing to get a first down, the Browns were faced with a fourth-and-two on the Lions 35, with the clock running, but still a minute remaining, plenty of time. Considering that my record as Browns coach has no blemishes, this clearly is a point on the field where a timeout is necessary. But no, Frye keeps asking the bench, they keep sending in guys and chaos ensues. Finally, Frye takes the snap and tries a sneak. Uh, that didn't work.

Kitna drives the Lions for a touchdown in all of 28 seconds. Whoops! Frye then compounds matters by throwing two terrible passes, the second is intercepted and the Lions end up with a field goal. The score is now 16-0, as the Lions have scored 10 points in the last minute. I think the Frye Era is over.

Dorsey: Ken Dorsey did his job. As a number 3 quarterback, who the Browns never seem to want to play, he did OK for himself. He finally got in the game with 2:25 to go in the third quarter, while the fans really wanted to see Quinn. He drove the team for a touchdown against the Lions scrubs and did a good job overall. I think he cemented the #3 spot last night.

Quinn: As I'm watching Quinn drive the ball for 2 touchdowns late, I can't get over how desperate the Browns organization and their fans must be. And I could not help but think of The Wolf from "Pulp Fiction" when he said, "Let's not start sucking each other's dicks quite just yet."

Quinn made all the right throws. He didn't screw up. He may throw the ball three times harder than Charlie Frye. However, he did all of his damage against the Lions third and perhaps fourth-string defense. Nine passes went to the running backs (Barclay 2, Harrison 6, Wright 1). His best pass was the one he hummed to Sanders for 24 yards on his second drive.

He took only 9 snaps from under center, four of which were spikes, the rest were out of the shotgun. That's crucial because Browns quarterbacks tend to screw up the center snap. And lastly, we haven't seen him hand the ball off yet. That's crucial because the Browns quarterbacks tend to screw up the running back exchange.

Having said all of that, doesn't it look like he has to start preseason game #3 and get some time with the starting offense? I sense the Browns quarterback situation is so bad, he may be pushed up a lot farther than they wanted. In other words, they may pull a Couch and chuck whatever plan they thought they might have and proceed accordingly. And can you honestly say Frye is better than Anderson at this point?

I look for Quinn to start next week with Anderson, then Frye to follow. Frye will then be cut with Anderson or Quinn the opening day starter against the Steelers. BTW, during Quinn's stint, they had a tendency not to show Romeo Crennel.

Dad: "Where's Romeo at?"
Me: "He's out washing Brady Quinn's car."

The Browns lost, 23-20.

Meal of Links

It looks like "frozen smoke" may be the next wonder product. It's called aerogel.

How subprime mortgages have screwed up the stock market. I guess solid lending principles account for something now.

Omigod! I have now found the perfect campsite. "Glamping" sounds good to me. "Jeeves, how is that hot dog coming along?"

My brother just had to mention Michael McDonald during last night's game. Here is Rick Moranis as Michael McDonald, the hardest working man in show business:



Exercise Yard

Lester Munson gives a Michael Vick update. It still doesn't look good for him.

Visitor

None, it's a rainy, dreary Sunday.

Well, I did it. I had my first gyro from an establishment in almost two decades yesterday. You see, the last time I threw up was in 1988 (huge 20th anniversary celebration next year), after eating a gyro. I ordered a gyro from Danis Bakery (used to be Davis, he was too cheap to change the sign...a clue, I think) and the sauce was kinda rank, I guess. Because within an hour or so, I had the most violent of reactions. I had wanted gyros and had been a big fan up to that point, but always shied away since, because of that memory. I believe the only time I had one since was some really good ones, maybe at Paul's once or twice for a Browns game.

After picking up my car from Sunnyside, I was wondering what to get for lunch and there it was, a place I had passed many a time while tooling up and down Ridge Road. Yes, it was Famous Gyro George! Not sure how famous or who George might be, but I went in there, and it was exactly as I suspected. A dive. But there they were, two gorgeous hunks of gyro meat rotating on two spits. Ah, heaven. Not sure what I could handle, I opted for the regular for $5.99. This baby was loaded and they give you the sauce on the side. They also offer a "Big" and a "Super" for one and two bucks more and to be honest, I could not comprehend how large those might be. Fearing the unknown, I went home to eat it, just in case. It was unbelievably good.

Meal of Links

Look at all these things you can make yourself. Unfortunately, how many of them would you want to make? Cuff links, birdhouse, poncho, and rugs don't seem worth the time.

Merv was gay. Big whup. In even bigger news, "Flight of the Conchords" gets renewed.

Uh oh. Hurricane Dean bears down on the Yucatan.

Exercise Yard

Here are some really good sports celebrity commercials. I must admit Shaq and Dr. Phil is funny. And Mean Joe Greene with his "Hey, kid!" is a nice throwback. Tiger as Bill Murray is great. And, of course, Bird and Jordan. Great list.

Visitor

20 Across: Big name in honey (6 letters) Answer: Sue Bee

Last night, my brother had strange stuff happening in his neighborhood. On Biddulph during rush hour, someone went really fast, then really fast out of control and sheared off a telephone pole. Then while I was visiting, someone's garage, a few houses down, caught on fire. We got to see the fire department spring into action and start the hydrant. No one injured, dog was saved, don't know the damage.

This a.m., I took my car to get serviced today by the fine folks at Sunnyside Scion. But with it being a big maintenance check, I have to stay at home, because it takes a while to do. Of course, then I have to take care of all of the add-ons I needed fixed, like plugs, belts, brake light, wiper refills, etc. That adds to an already big bill. Ugh!

So, I get to spend some time at home and catch up on who might be casing the joint during the day, who's lurking for my paper, how late does the postman actually get here these days, seeing if there is truly a cocaine shortage in town, that sort of thing. Thus far, it is relatively quiet, but seems warmer than expected.

Meal of Links

The folks at Dunder Mifflin now have a website. I laughed the other day when I found out a potential client's name was Creed. You can buy stuff, too, at the site.

The art of haggling. Even for hot dogs. Cleveland just waits for Dollar Hot Dog Night. And Fireworks. If they ever had Dollar Hot Dog Night and Fireworks on the same day, the traffic jam would be of epic proportions.

Storm Cat may not be the stud he once was. But he still "performed his duties enthusiastically" this year. As Harry Caray would say, "Hay!".

Exercise Yard

Another gem from Fox Sports. You know, Fox Sports, the network that covers baseball as if it wishes it were home doing something else, like watching Brad Garrett's awful show. In fairness, the Fox Instant Poll jingle is my ringtone. Anyhow, they have set their sights on covering the Super Bowl differently.

That's right. Ryan Seacrest Out will host the pregame and halftime festivities. There will be some sort of faux (maybe actual?) red carpet for arriving celebrities. Hey, we expect that at awards ceremonies for Hollywood, but there's nothing that kills the true sports fan than suffering through some actor getting special treatment at a sporting event. Even if they like sports. If Brad Garrett is still on the air, I bet he will be on the carpet saying how thrilled he is to be at the game. Hopefully, someone starts tailgating early that day and goes on the air.

Visitor

21 Across: "Out Here All Night" rock group (6 letters) Answer: Damone (I guess no one can get Singer Vic ______ )

I get a day off on Friday. Hopefully, I don't have to chase down an eBay issue. I asked for combined shipping on two items and only got one of the items. Now I have to do the questioning. I hate these sort of things.

But I also get to take my car in for a maintenance check. I always wonder how necessary these things are. But I do comply. It seems like I must.

Meal of Links

Velvet Underground excerpts. They cover the Warhol Years.

I'm anxious to see cable's response to DirecTV's soon-to-be-increased amount of HD channels. Typically, bandwidth remains an issue.

The iPhone bill comes in a box. Way too much detail. Lots of trees (estimated number: 75,000/year) are being killed.

Exercise Yard

Michael Vick probably has to plead in the dogfighting case. Gotta protect money first, then career.

Visitor

48 Down: Grammy winner Keys (6 letters) Answer: Alicia

Before this play, the Indians season still looked good. After Curtis Granderson made this unbelievable catch, I am not sure:




















I was in attendance at the Indians-Tigers game tonight. My Dad sent the call to the bullpen yesterday and I accepted the challenge. We were in Section 102, out in right field. It was Dollar Hot Dog Night, as well, and he sprung for dinner. We had some Tigers fans around us. Of course, our Mensa fans would yell, "Detroit sucks", when we are tied with them. I never figure that one out. We also had Cleveland fan taking the "What have you won lately?" approach to Tiger fan, completely oblivious to the Pistons winning two years ago, the Red Wings recent titles, and the Tigers in last year, while it's now 10 years since we have been in the World Series. So you know what Cleveland fan does when he has no argument? You got it. Out comes Ohio State and Jimmy Tressel, baby! Ugh.

As for the game, story line should be C.C. pitched well, we can't hit, Curtis Granderson with an awesome catch to kill the Tribe in the 8th, Ordonez with a massive clout for the Olde English D's in the 10th and Wedge made mistakes. However, the mistakes ended up being covered up by the fact they worked, which really pisses me off.

Mistake 1: Pinch-running Garko in the 7th. Lemme get this right. You remove your best average hitter in a tie game from second base. If Ryan Garko can't score from second on a base hit, well, by God, he should. But his sub, Chris Gomez, did double to lead off the ninth.

Mistake 2: Pinch-hitting J-Mike for Lofton. Why is Lofton even here? Michaels, of course, did single in his second at bat.

Mistake 3: Not bunting Peralta in the ninth, after the Gomez double, with no one out. We are not hitting, so you must get that runner to third. Wedge says no bunt. Rodney proceeds to whiff three in a row and Gomez is stranded on second. In the words of Homer Tom, "Ballgame!".

Good stats from STO after the game. Since Cliff Lee hit Sammy Sosa in the head (on Sammy Sosa Night, mind you), the Tribe has won 8 and lost 15 games. Victor Martinez, since that incident, has hit one homer and knocked in 9. Thank you, smart, objective caller.

Meal of Links

This US-Roman Empire analogy is getting used more often these days. Now our Comptroller General is getting into the act.

Hey, the US Department of State has cashed my check for my passport. So, I know the envelope has at least made it to Philly. So, why did I have to read another passport horror story.

The "Knights of Prosperity" didn't even make it through its burnoff run. That hurts. Again.

Exercise Yard

Gregg Easterbrook is back with words about the AFC. The Browns are still not good.

Visitor

37 Across: Actor Kevin (6 letters) Answer: Spacey

Is it me or does it appear we are suffering through an epidemic of people who don't want to be passed while driving in their cars? When did getting passed become socially unacceptable? I've noticed some folks dawdling in the speed lanes lately and then once you dive over to make a pass, all of a sudden they find the accelerator.

I can't figure out if it's people on the phone, distracted by something else, or if it's a new game played at a higher level. Happens a lot more than it used to, if you ask me. And I'm not sure why if it's a clear lane ahead of them, they would not maintain speed and let me take off in front of them. I mean I'm passing so I can go faster than them. Not to get ahead of them and dawdle. It is making me very angry.

Well, maybe not as angry as when my paper gets stolen. Yesterday, I found the Sunday PD in an odd place and when I dumped the paper out of its bag, it appeared that the current news sections (Front page, Metro, Sports, Forum) weren't there. So I went on a rant to no one there, about how that was a new one, at least they left me the ads, left me the real important news, etc. Only to eventually find those sections about 5 minutes later. All I could muster was a loud "Never mind!".

Meal of Links

Things you should not do on a first date. This made me laugh really hard.

Bush's Brain leaves, I guess his body will be leaving soon, too. W. seemed so sad, like it was all over for him today. It has been for a while, but maybe it sunk in.

I think the Van Halen tour with David Lee Roth has not much potential. I can't think of a more irrelevant comeback of all the comebacks that have comeback recently. If Ed stays clean, it might be OK musically. Roth is not even a cartoon these days and it seems, I don't know, so unnecessary.

Exercise Yard

Allan Houston may be in the Cavs future. Hasn't played in two years, but the guy can shoot.

Visitor

63 Across: '50s VP candidate Kefauver (5 letters) Answer: Estes

Where to start?

Well, I'm trying to figure how not long ago, we had drought conditions. Now I have mushrooms in my yard. Seems a bit of a drastic change.

I sent my first ever text message yesterday and used the word "damn". How did I know a kid would pick it up? My cousin's son got it. Must not have affected him, he sent me a picture of himself.

Good kickoff to EPL on Sunday mornings this a.m. as Reading hung in for a 0-0 tie against Manchester United. Lots of action for a scoreless match. Even had a red card as Dave Kitson of Reading lasted all of 45 seconds before he was banished for a high tackle. That was late in the game, when it appeared the ref wanted to give ManU every opportunity to win.

Last night, I had a co-worker and her husband invite me and Nomar Stalker and his wife over for some chow. Turned out to be a lot of fun. We sat on the deck and the bugs were not a problem after some torches were lit. But before that, I got bit about five times, because I'm so sweet. I also had one get me right on the top of my head. The bite is so big, it may have tried to get at my brain. I feel hypnotized! Anyhow, the food was really good. We had some sort of sausage and cheese appetizer thingy to start. Then we had some grilled steak, potatoes, and broccoli slaw. Of course, accompanied by adult beverages, of the Belvedere variety. If I mention it like the hip-hop guys, do I get product?

But the highlight, as usual for most things I attend, was me. No, no, it was my Savory Ritz Bites. As a reminder, they are appropriate for any sort of gathering. It's just a pain in the ass to get that cheese between those tiny crackers. I need plenty of advance warning.

Meal of Links

I confess, I was a Merv Griffin addict when I was younger. Well, Merv died today. Probably better known for creating "Jeopardy!" and "Wheel of Fortune", and can you think of two bigger cash cows? Cripes. No wonder he was able to invest in hotels and make even more money. I think he did "Dance Fever", as well. And, by God, Rick Moranis does the best imitation of Merv you'll ever see. Remember when he did "The Merv Griffith Show"?

But Merv's talk shows were actually pretty good for daytime TV. I knew Arthur Treacher, his Ed McMahon, before he was known for his fish and chips. Merv also had a penchant for really strange guests. Remember Jack Douglas and Reiko? I mean, who are they and what did they do? Xavier Cugat and Charo. Durk Pearson! A late-in-life Orson Welles was a frequent visitor. Comedians like Lonnie Schorr. Remember, he was from Zebulon, North Carolina. Pat Paulsen. Charlie Callas. And a favorite comic of mine, also my brother's, Pete Barbutti, who played an accordion. Actually, he played the "cordeen". "How do you put on the cordeen? Hello, cordeen, you look well today."

And this guy, from one of Merv's Las Vegas shows. I think he was known as Muscle Rock and he blows up a hot water bottle while performing "Action" by Sweet. I actually saw this when it first aired and still can't believe how cheesy it was. It was the '70s. Obviously he was in the show because of his voice. And I still can't figure out why that quartet stayed on the stage during his performance. Now that's entertainment:

Thor



Merv also had a bad habit of falling in love with certain songs that he would sing constantly. The one I recall him singing way too much was a Stephen Bishop song, "On and On". "Down in Jamaica, they got pretty women..." Omigod, he sung that a million times.

Merv in "The Man With Two Brains"



Finally, there was the "Seinfeld" episode where Kramer found the old Merv Griffin set in a dumpster. Then he incorporated the set into his apartment. This was a really good episode in the last season. It contained "The Sidler", Kramer looking into the imaginary camera: "Only in New York", "We had a pact!" regarding hitting animals while driving, Jerry taking advantage of a woman's toys, an appearance by Jim Fowler ("Where are the cameras?") with a hawk. Funny show.

The development of road signs. Shows how the government arrived at new fonts. Rather interesting for a dull topic, I thought.

Mitt Romney wins the Iowa straw poll. I'm not sure it means anything.

Exercise Yard

The Browns "victory" last night made me laugh in lots of ways. I was only able to see the last 4 minutes or so, after dinner. The winning TD reminded me so much of that McDonald's commercial:

Brown: "I just scored the winning TD on a runback, that's what I'm talkin' about."
Other Brown: "Hey, guy I don't know. Good job."
Even Another Brown: "I'll jump up and down and act like we've been teammates for years, even though I'm fourth string."
One More Brown: "Let's get in a circle, whoever you are, so I can get my name on TV."
Mason Unck: "Who are these guys?"

Randy Lerner's Other Team blew their opening fixture late. After scoring on a penalty to even up the match in the 86th minute, they gave up a goal in the very next minute. Steven Gerrard with the cracker of a free kick in the 87th minute. I would normally grab a video, but YouTube won't allow any EPL stuff, it seems. Something about a "copyright violation". Bah!

As for the Tribe, to quote Bill Paxton from "Aliens" once again (a font of material, I'd say): "Hey, maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked, pal!" The Tribe gets swept by the Yanks. Guard all bridges and shower rods locally. Mariano Rivera with another save today, and I don't think he's blown one since early May. Only 5 walks for him this year.

Few items from today's game. Japanese advertising behind home plate, obviously for Matsui. And how long do the Indians have to not hit before we can stop calling them "a good hitting team". I mean, what are we at, 6 weeks of non-hitting? That's a good chunk of the season already. I know we have an off day tomorrow and you wanna double up on some rest, but to have Cabrera, Gomez, J-Mike and Gutierrez in the lineup today was ludicrous. And is Hafner worse than they are letting on. How could he not pinch hit in the 9th? Regardless of righty or lefty, we are playing the Yanks. And sucking quite badly at doing it.

Visitor

None, it was an EPL Sunday, bloody Sunday.

Gale and I went to the Palace last night to see an old favorite, "The Jerk". Also bumped into Denise in the lobby beforehand.

Well, we had to hear the organist beforehand. But wait, it's actually somebody young. Then the Warner Bros. cartoons start, always a highlight. Unfortunately, three Tweety and Sylvesters. No Yosemite Sam, no Wile E. Coyote at all. Oh, no! To top it off, Sylvester never burned all the way, you know when he turns yellow, which kills me every time. Only a partial one.

The Steve Martin movie has held up rather well, I'd say. Of course, he was born a poor black child and the new phonebooks are in. The part that makes me laugh the hardest is when Bernadette Peters slides a farewell note under the bathroom door to Navin R. Johnson. The ink on the letter runs after it got wet, and Steve Martin is trying to read it through all of the smudges. I don't know, that still slays me.

We went back to Becky's after, as we were there before the movie. That way you get actual ground meat in your burger, instead of the frozen crap. As we were walking in, it's crazy. I was just thinking about that song "Smiling Faces Sometimes" this week. Sure enough, as we were going in, an old urban guy was singing that very part. "Smiling Faces...", and as I held the door open, I told him, "Sometimes they don't tell the truth." He gave me affirmation and laughed heartily.

Then after we ate, random Jacobs Field worker, in a Yankee hat no less, started talking to me. Yes, I am my Mother, who said to me on many occasion, "Why do people come up to me and tell me their life story?". He was complaining about how Dolan treats his employees versus Lerner. They made him take his Yankee cap off. Duh! He also said he never saw anyone drink more beer than Bill Veeck, and I reminded him about Veeck's hollow leg. Then he said no one could drink scotch like Mickey Mantle. Apparently, this guy follows the drinking habits of the stars. I just didn't like the fact the guy asked for "mustard" and "salt", much like I ask for "car" and "bags", I guess. Then when he was done he sorta slid them back in front of me, for no reason. That kinda bugged me.

Meal of Links

Here you go. Weird Animals! We are talking some fugly stuff. Aye-aye makes me say aye-aye. And there it is, the komondor!

Late '70s NYC is all over the tube. VH-1 has "NY "77: The Coolest Year in Hell". It's "The Bronx is Burning" without the Yankees.

I'm goin' to Graceland...Graceland...Memphis, Tennessee. The death of Elvis hits the 30-year mark this week.

Exercise Yard

Jason Sobel runs a pretty good live blog during the PGA this week. Lots of funny stuff.

Visitor

25 Across: Green of "Greg the Bunny" (4 letters) Answer: Seth

Today was one of those evenings that you have planned ahead of time. Order a pizza, gonna watch some football, then make a call or two. But it all changed when my new cellphone arrived in the mail, so I had to start the setup on that noise. Yes, it actually has a camera, too. Welcome to the 20th century. And I guess I have to make a vow now to actually carry the phone around like a normal person.

And then Time Warner finally changed me over to the Road Runner domain. That had only been promised for a year. So that takes time to change all my accounts and notify everyone via e-mail. Still no NFL Network and I'll see red if they put that Big Ten Network on ahead of the NFL. I mean, how stupid is that?

Meal of Links

The everlasting charms of sweet tea. Lemme say this, sweet tea is real good, and you can't find it much here in the North.

We are Number 2 in something! It's most affordable homes.

Psst. Over here. Buy me.

Exercise Yard

The Steelers debuted their new mascot yesterday. And the Internets are not taking too kindly to this Steely McBeam character. In one day, he's already become the gay mascot with the pornstar name. Pittsburgh hasn't seen an operating steel mill within its city limits since 1995, so why they are celebrating the Steelers 75th Anniversary with this dude, I'm not sure. Folks are already laying odds he'll be booed off the field or beaten up by Game 4.

But it has reminded everyone of when Homer took Bart to the Gay Steel Mill:



Visitor

19 Across: #1 tennis player for much of the '80s (5 letters) Answer: Lendl

OK, I'm in the middle of some sort of power surge festival over here and have to tap this out quickly. I ventured over to Marc's tonight and did the old I need one thing, but I end up with 12 items visits. You see, I'm making Savory Ritz Bites for the weekend. It's like Spock directs you through the aisles at Marc's. "You have bacon at home, why not make BLTs?" Then that weird scientific music carries you over to the vegetable area. "Bloodies for Sunday. Why not make sure you have enough mix?" "Cheese is a good thing." Bah! I'm out the door, $21.98 poorer.

Meal of Links

I love kids. But here are 10 reasons not to have them. "They say one curse word and people assume that you speak in Two Live Crew lyrics."

As you know, I realy like "Dexter" and it starts on Showtime at the end of September. I was gonna send an e-mail from this "Dexter" viral campaign to a couple of people, because it sounded cool. But I sent one to myself to test the freaky factor, and that was pretty high if you had no warning it was coming. Therefore, I dropped it.

Yes, it's a Jonny Quest movie! They better pick an appropriate Race Bannon or I'm gonna be pissed.

Exercise Yard

I finally finished the book "The Echoing Green" by Joshua Prager. It is the story of how Bobby Thomson's famous playoff home run, "The Shot Heard Round The World", was a byproduct of the Giants stealing signs. The Giants had an incredible home record once they did this during that summer and caught the Dodgers to eventually win the pennant in playoff.

Appropriate for our times, when another Giant happens to be in the news. The old baseball axiom, "If you're not cheating, you're not trying." lives on.

The book, however, was a terrific read.

Visitor

44 Across: Sister of Zsa Zsa (3 letters) Answer: Eva

What I've been listening to:

"Watch Us Work It"/Devo (Yes, it's on the Dell ad)
"Do The Strand"/Roxy Music
"Back In Your Head"/Tegan and Sara
"Take Out The Trash"/They Might Be Giants
"Jesus Christ"/Brand New
"You Don't Know What Love Is"/The White Stripes
"Detroit Breakdown"/J. Geils Band
"Dad's Gonna Kill Me"/Richard Thompson
"Princess of the Universe"/Utopia
"Discovering Japan"/Graham Parker
"The Pretender"/Foo Fighters
"I Love It When You Call Me Names"/Joan Armatrading
"The Simpsons Theme"/Green Day
"My Moon My Man"/Feist
"I Know You Got Soul"/Eric B. and Rakim
"I Predict"/Sparks
"Shoot The Runner"/Kasabian
"Face The Face"/Pete Townshend
"Fish Ain't Bitin'"/Lamont Dozier
"God Is A Bullet"/Concrete Blonde

Meal of Links

A guide to how long some fresh foods should stay in the refrigerator. I always keep mayo til the expiry date on the jar. Other than that, these seem reasonable. Pasta sauce, on the other hand, has been a source of many experiments.

NBC will show 3,600 hours of Beijing Olympics coverage. Still falls well short of ESPN's poker shows.

Tom Brady has been designated the world's best-dressed man. Are you kidding me?



















Did you see Becks on the bench the other day? In a suit! Come on, he didn't get that at Richman Brothers, no matter how many fussy tailors they have. Er...had.

Exercise Yard

A rather humorous preview of some EPL teams. Including Randy Lerner's other team.

Visitor

51 Across: _____ Wicked Ale (5 letters) Answer: Pete's

I started the passport renewal process. After filling out the forms, I went over to Walgreen's for the photo. Guy actually pulls down a screen right by the pop cooler for that very official look. Let's hope they aren't profiling based on my photo.

If that wasn't exciting enough, while waiting for the photos, I decided I need to go to more movies. That's because they had the movie-sized candy for only a buck. Red Vines, baby!

Meal of Links

After watching the "Conchords" last night, I have a sudden desire to speak French. Le pamplemousse, hah!

Agent Zero's blog is one of the best for an athlete. He may take over for Charles Barkley one day. Always good for a laugh.

If you appear on one of Bravo's reality shows, look out. The contracts are ridiculously stifling.

Exercise Yard

Must be time for English football, Lampard misses another penalty:
















Can't go much further without mentioning that the EPL starts on Saturday. One of the matches has Randy Lerner's other team against Liverpool. Get the bloodies ready...Man U and Reading on Sunday at 11:00.

Visitor

68 Across: Legendary Broncos quarterback John (5 letters) Answer: Elway

I was over at Giant Eagle today. The dreaded slow cashier syndrome is in play. This isn't time for the social hour, be cordial, but keep the line moving. Today's cashier seemed nice, but wow...shut up.

She sees someone in the next (not her line, mind you) line and says. "There's my ex-neighbor. Hello, ex-neighbor." The guy says he isn't her ex-neighbor. "Is your name Mark?" "Nope." "Do you have a brother?" "Yes." "Is his name Mark?" "No." At this point I'm mentally pleading with the customer to shut up and not play along as I'm next in line and starting to get a wee bit impatient. "Do you have a cousin?" almost made me leap over the lane with the people's elbow, but I only stared at the woman. Finally, it's my turn.

I was wearing my "Compton is for lovers" t-shirt and I could tell she didn't get it and I was praying she wouldn't ask about it. She didn't. But she's just too slow, as she wonders aloud to no one there, "Is it 9:30 yet?". This is at 4:00 and I guess she's still got a long way to go on her shift. I think, quit talking and maybe it'll go quicker, because each time you look up, I'm still here. As we concluded, she has this gem, "You can save 20 cents on your gas. You're not doing your part, so I can keep my job." I guess that's supposed to be funny. Maybe I need the self-checkout line without humans.

Meal of Links

Here are the remaining movies considered the Best Tearjerkers. I haven't seen all of these, but I am curious about a few that are on this list that didn't affect me. "Ordinary People" was one of those at #19. "Love Story"...ugh. I have never seen "Titanic" at #16 all the way through, but I have it on good authority that waterworks are indeed induced. "Life is Beautiful" at #15 was shocking for me, but Best Friend had the tears at that one. Jeff, "Old Yeller" is #12, you happy? What a concept, boy shoots dog. Even as a non-pet owner, it's impossible not to sob uncontrollably at that one. "Field of Dreams" at #10 depends on my mood. It didn't affect me at the theatre, and I was there with my Dad for that one! We must have been ready to bolt to beat the crowd or something. "Brian's Song" at #7 goes without saying. The only football movie worse is "Something for Joey" and yes, I'm still campaigning for that one. "Brokeback Mountain"? Hey, I was more terrified by the whistler before the movie. "You Are My Sunshine", indeed. "It's a Wonderful Life" at #5, no argument there. "Bambi" at #2? I must have been too young when I saw that, I think I laughed. Number 1 is "Terms of Endearment" and I must say, yep, it's a killer.

Old arts figures who might make good Dead Pool candidates. Remember, they are old.

The PD had this in the travel section. Some state parks have tepees. Tepees! Do you have to act like an Indian? You need $30 of wampum at Hueston Woods.

Exercise Yard















First Saturday of the month and that means Showtime picks up boxing. This was the rematch of Israel Vazquez and champ Rafael Marquez at super bantamweight. The first fight was a classic, but what an entertaining bout this second fight was.

They didn't take too long to start trading blows. The third was the best round I've seen in a long time. Marquez got hurt by Vazquez and it backed him up a bit. Vazquez comes in for the kill, but Marquez, even with a cut flowing freely, gets his senses back and starts pounding on Vazquez. Then they traded the rest of the round. Big-time warrior stuff by both parties.

Vazquez had two really bloody cuts by the sixth, but was hanging in there. Marquez, who had been getting hit with the left a lot, got hit with another one and went down. Vazquez got on him again and they traded a bit, but it appeared for a couple of seconds that Marquez was backing up and he dropped his hands, so the ref stopped the fight. It was probably a controversial stoppage, but I am not really that upset with the decision. I am not saying that Marquez would have been knocked out, but clearly he had some issues at the end.

I'm sensing a trilogy.

Visitor

None, a rainy Sunday.

Today, my Dad and I took in the Tribe game at Art's Pub. We were joined by Ron, Lisa and Gale to see the Indians lose, 3-2. Gee, they have good food there, and I went with the Cajun Burger.

I think the Tribe actually hit the ball prety well today, but had a tough time getting the big hit. Casey Blake, for instance, hit a big drive to the wall for a scrifice fly with the bases loaded. It appeared if that fell in, we would have cleared the bases, and probably romped. But no, Cuddyer caught it and we didn't score the rest of the way. Indians left 10 men on, and the Twins bullpen threw 5 shutout innings.

Looks like we will yo-yo with the Tigers for a while.

Meal of Links

Last night, I was able to get my eggplant on at Lure Bistro. Per Best Friend's suggestion, we headed outdoors to the patio out there. I really like eggplant. It made me long again for Giovanna's when it was on Clifton, as they are the same owners. Oddly enough, our waitress had some combination "American Idol" and Ben Franklin fixation that was somehow alternatively charming and startling at the same time.

OK, if you've followed the history of "Twin Peaks" since it went off the air, you know DVDs have been a long time coming. But it appears someone has finally got it right with a version that includes the American pilot and the European version. Oh, and David Lynch is involved.

NBC tried to "Catch a Hacker" at DEFCON. It didn't work.

Exercise Yard

Could it be? The return of El Guapo.

And, oh yeah, Bonds hit 755.

Visitor

16 Across: Explorer of the Southwest (8 letters) Answer: Coronado

Here are the 10 Most Caffeinated Diet Drinks. Well, we knew Diet Mountain Dew would be near the top. Not that I have a 24-oz.'er nearby or anything. Damn that devil caffeine! BTW, is Diet Cheerwine some bleach or is it an adult beverage? Is it like Shimmer?

Gilda Radner: "New Shimmer is a floor wax!"

Elliot Gould: "No, new Shimmer is a dessert topping!"

GR: "It's a floor wax!"

EG: It's a dessert topping!

GR: "It's a floor wax, I'm telling you!"

EG: "It's a dessert topping, you cow!"

Dan Aykroyd[enters quickly]: "Hey, hey, hey, calm down, you two. New Shimmer is both a floor wax and a dessert topping! Here, I'll spray some on your mop...and some on your butterscotch pudding."

Meal of Links

A Baseball Dating Reality Show. Could not participate in an Indians version, because I would immediately be deemed insane by yelling "GARKO! GARKO! GARKO!" if he ever participated in a rundown during that two-inning production. Wait a minute, I yelled that in the 10th inning last night! And he threw out Michael Young at home. Way to go, Garks!

The AT&T Blueroom will host Lollapalooza this week. I see some decent stuff on the list.

Part 1 of the 50 Biggest Tearjerkers of all time. Well, there are some good ones on the list, except "Something for Joey" isn't on it. Yet. Gets me every fuckin' time and it remains my all-time blubberfest. On Sunday, I happened upon the last part of "Heaven Can Wait" after referencing the movie on Saturday. Another gut wrencher. When Jack Warden sees the clarinet by the locker and starts calling Warren Beatty, "Joe". Then he suddenly realizes he's lost his dear friend and gets the Gumby shoulders and those actions do not allow me to look clearly into Julie Christie's eyes. I dunno, maybe it's because those are sports movies or it's the name, Joe. But other ones that somehow get my allergies going or make me think it may be dusty over here are also represented: "Shawshank"-"Brooks was here", but the scene on the beach at the end is the killer; "Million Dollar Baby"-well, we have boxing, but it's "Mo cuishle means "My darling, my blood." To cite "Aliens", when that scene comes on "That's it, man, game over, man. Game over!"; "Saving Private Ryan"-Bourne was once Private Ryan.

Exercise Yard

I was, once again, in attendance at last night's Tribe game against the Rangers. Of course, it was a loss. Beacuse it was the Rangers. In a game that took, ahem, 4:03 to play. Highlights for me were that I got to pronounce Ian Kinsler a lot in some sort of faux British or Australian accent. Or was it New Zealand? And I think I said "Saltalamacchia" at least 1,000 times. My question: "Does Saltalamacchia sound better as a legal term or a medical term?"

Legal: "Your honor, my client has been exhibiting saltalamacchia and would like these charges dropped immediately."

Medical: "Ralph, you've developed a slight case of saltamacchia. Wear light clothing, drink plenty of fluids and restrict your activity. I know it sounds as if this is TV news advice for when it gets really hot, but you're not required to check on any old people at this time."

Bud Selig's "Herculean" effort to watch Barry Bonds hit 755 didn't go over well. Bud's tour takes a break today and then gears up for more fun and frolic, I mean angst, in San Diego this weekend. I hope Bonds doesn't cooperate until September.

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9 Across: Prime time soap family name (5 letters) Answer: Ewing