Where to start?

Well, I'm trying to figure how not long ago, we had drought conditions. Now I have mushrooms in my yard. Seems a bit of a drastic change.

I sent my first ever text message yesterday and used the word "damn". How did I know a kid would pick it up? My cousin's son got it. Must not have affected him, he sent me a picture of himself.

Good kickoff to EPL on Sunday mornings this a.m. as Reading hung in for a 0-0 tie against Manchester United. Lots of action for a scoreless match. Even had a red card as Dave Kitson of Reading lasted all of 45 seconds before he was banished for a high tackle. That was late in the game, when it appeared the ref wanted to give ManU every opportunity to win.

Last night, I had a co-worker and her husband invite me and Nomar Stalker and his wife over for some chow. Turned out to be a lot of fun. We sat on the deck and the bugs were not a problem after some torches were lit. But before that, I got bit about five times, because I'm so sweet. I also had one get me right on the top of my head. The bite is so big, it may have tried to get at my brain. I feel hypnotized! Anyhow, the food was really good. We had some sort of sausage and cheese appetizer thingy to start. Then we had some grilled steak, potatoes, and broccoli slaw. Of course, accompanied by adult beverages, of the Belvedere variety. If I mention it like the hip-hop guys, do I get product?

But the highlight, as usual for most things I attend, was me. No, no, it was my Savory Ritz Bites. As a reminder, they are appropriate for any sort of gathering. It's just a pain in the ass to get that cheese between those tiny crackers. I need plenty of advance warning.

Meal of Links

I confess, I was a Merv Griffin addict when I was younger. Well, Merv died today. Probably better known for creating "Jeopardy!" and "Wheel of Fortune", and can you think of two bigger cash cows? Cripes. No wonder he was able to invest in hotels and make even more money. I think he did "Dance Fever", as well. And, by God, Rick Moranis does the best imitation of Merv you'll ever see. Remember when he did "The Merv Griffith Show"?

But Merv's talk shows were actually pretty good for daytime TV. I knew Arthur Treacher, his Ed McMahon, before he was known for his fish and chips. Merv also had a penchant for really strange guests. Remember Jack Douglas and Reiko? I mean, who are they and what did they do? Xavier Cugat and Charo. Durk Pearson! A late-in-life Orson Welles was a frequent visitor. Comedians like Lonnie Schorr. Remember, he was from Zebulon, North Carolina. Pat Paulsen. Charlie Callas. And a favorite comic of mine, also my brother's, Pete Barbutti, who played an accordion. Actually, he played the "cordeen". "How do you put on the cordeen? Hello, cordeen, you look well today."

And this guy, from one of Merv's Las Vegas shows. I think he was known as Muscle Rock and he blows up a hot water bottle while performing "Action" by Sweet. I actually saw this when it first aired and still can't believe how cheesy it was. It was the '70s. Obviously he was in the show because of his voice. And I still can't figure out why that quartet stayed on the stage during his performance. Now that's entertainment:

Thor



Merv also had a bad habit of falling in love with certain songs that he would sing constantly. The one I recall him singing way too much was a Stephen Bishop song, "On and On". "Down in Jamaica, they got pretty women..." Omigod, he sung that a million times.

Merv in "The Man With Two Brains"



Finally, there was the "Seinfeld" episode where Kramer found the old Merv Griffin set in a dumpster. Then he incorporated the set into his apartment. This was a really good episode in the last season. It contained "The Sidler", Kramer looking into the imaginary camera: "Only in New York", "We had a pact!" regarding hitting animals while driving, Jerry taking advantage of a woman's toys, an appearance by Jim Fowler ("Where are the cameras?") with a hawk. Funny show.

The development of road signs. Shows how the government arrived at new fonts. Rather interesting for a dull topic, I thought.

Mitt Romney wins the Iowa straw poll. I'm not sure it means anything.

Exercise Yard

The Browns "victory" last night made me laugh in lots of ways. I was only able to see the last 4 minutes or so, after dinner. The winning TD reminded me so much of that McDonald's commercial:

Brown: "I just scored the winning TD on a runback, that's what I'm talkin' about."
Other Brown: "Hey, guy I don't know. Good job."
Even Another Brown: "I'll jump up and down and act like we've been teammates for years, even though I'm fourth string."
One More Brown: "Let's get in a circle, whoever you are, so I can get my name on TV."
Mason Unck: "Who are these guys?"

Randy Lerner's Other Team blew their opening fixture late. After scoring on a penalty to even up the match in the 86th minute, they gave up a goal in the very next minute. Steven Gerrard with the cracker of a free kick in the 87th minute. I would normally grab a video, but YouTube won't allow any EPL stuff, it seems. Something about a "copyright violation". Bah!

As for the Tribe, to quote Bill Paxton from "Aliens" once again (a font of material, I'd say): "Hey, maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked, pal!" The Tribe gets swept by the Yanks. Guard all bridges and shower rods locally. Mariano Rivera with another save today, and I don't think he's blown one since early May. Only 5 walks for him this year.

Few items from today's game. Japanese advertising behind home plate, obviously for Matsui. And how long do the Indians have to not hit before we can stop calling them "a good hitting team". I mean, what are we at, 6 weeks of non-hitting? That's a good chunk of the season already. I know we have an off day tomorrow and you wanna double up on some rest, but to have Cabrera, Gomez, J-Mike and Gutierrez in the lineup today was ludicrous. And is Hafner worse than they are letting on. How could he not pinch hit in the 9th? Regardless of righty or lefty, we are playing the Yanks. And sucking quite badly at doing it.

Visitor

None, it was an EPL Sunday, bloody Sunday.