Note to all those who are attending the U2 concert. The date hasn't changed from December 10 at the Gund. Some of us may be on vacation at that time and plan to get away to a place like, I dunno, Key West and completely forget about the concert while booking away. This is a reminder to mark your calendars to avoid potential flight changes, delays in vacation starts, uttering expletives, etc.

Kudos to my best friend who whipped up a major Cajun dinner, including jambalaya, yesterday. The mango/pineapple/red pepper/tarragon/crab thingy was outstanding. May have been the best individual portion of a meal I've had this year. Until the cheesecake came out. All I can say is, "Tres bien, merci."

One more birthday note. My horoscope on Saturday said "You have unusual ideas that often encourage offbeat choices and actions. You walk to a different drummer." Ummm, okay. Sounds like piffle to me.

Meal of Links

I dragged my ass out of bed this a.m. to see "The Longest Yard" at the Middleburg Regal. Six of us in attendance, including heavy breathing popcorn-eating guy. Really an average movie. Sandler not believable, Courtney Cox now has breasts, Rock was not too funny. Rob Schneider appears with his "You can do it!" line and I admit, that was the biggest laugh for me. It's the second movie I've seen lately where non-actors seem to come off the best. Dan Patrick, Michael Irvin and Kevin Nash were funny. Jim Rome makes an appearance and guess who inserted himself into this movie, as he does all sporting events? Yes, Berman announces the game. He actually gives Paul "Wrecking" Crewe a new nickname, because he didn't come up with that one. Not hard to figure he would come up with "Motley". Ugh.

Paris Hilton is really mad about Paris. Look for this wedding to be televised with Rob and Amber as guests.

"Crazy Frog" beats Coldplay at the cash registers.

Exercise Yard

Obviously, we don't know if Mike Brown can coach. But I think only of missed opportunities at this point. We have an owner with deep pockets who seemed willing to engage in talks with some big names out there for the coaching spot. It comes as a bit of a letdown when you end up with what will be the youngest coach in the league. Maybe Mike Brown can coach, but we already know that Flip Saunders can coach.

Visitor

53 Across: Sultan of _____: Babe Ruth (4 letters) Answer: Swat

It looks like the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend may not be that ugly for a change. I always prefer rain on this day, because of all the auto racing on the tube today. I just saw Fernando Alonso win the European Grand Prix from Germany ("La Marseillaise" in the background for Renault). Then we have Indy and the big Coke race in Nascar from Charlotte later.

Wake up, neighbors. I'm mowin' the lawn now.

Meal of Links

Bring your towels and don't wear your street shoes into the theater. Yes, it's a documentary on pro bowling. Opens here 6/24.

Speaking of movies, "Cinderella Man" opens this week and, by God, it looks like it has all of the elements you love in a boxing flick. I anticipate two gloves up on that one.

Oliver Stone gets pulled over again. I've had my doubts about this man since his bizarre football announcer role in "Any Given Sunday" as Tug Kowalski. Tug Kowalski! I mean, you can't contain that ego. Although bonus points are given for having a Propellerheads song on that soundtrack.

Exercise Yard

The Spurs seem intent on rendering uptempo basketball extinct. Fast break hoops works well in the regular season, but the halfcourt game in the playoffs always comes out ahead. Reference Duke beating North Carolina last year.

Visitor

None, it's a racing Sunday.

Thanks to all for the birthday wishes. To me, age means absolutely nothing, so it's just another day for me, but I do appreciate the kind words and the gifts are swell. Now, if I could just remember to buy toilet paper before I run out, life could be very good.

Speaking of age, what the hell happened to Lindsay Lohan? Pics indicate a meal or three is required.

Meal of Links

The irony of Viagra causing blindness is just too easy to joke about. Of course, the PD's sub that reads "FDA gets reports, but link not clear" dooesn't help matters.

Come on. Who thinks Eddie Albert dying on the same day as "The Longest Yard" opened is a mere concidence? He's up there now with Nate and Caretaker.

The new rap war: West Coast vs. Kansas City? I mean I know they have a lotta crazy women there, but this seems extreme. Yet, it seems hip-hop is big there.

Exercise Yard

The Williams team is finally cleared in the death of Ayrton Senna.

Visitor

52 Across: 1940 Republican convention keynote speaker (7 letters) Answer: Stassen

One of the guilty pleasures of XM Radio is hearing songs you do not hear very often. As I'm coming home today, what shows up but "President Am I" by Slow Children. I'm not sure what it is, but I love that record. It's so 80's to me and you rarely hear it. I believe my brother may have that on vinyl. I think it has a yellow cover. You know, like that Yaz album.

BTW, my neighbors are asking $153,500 for their house. I am not sure they'll get close to that. I've never been inside, so I don't know what's going on in there. Seems high, but you never know.

I just saw a teaser for tonight's Fox 8 News. It went something like this:

"We have the Constantine blooper you'll want to see again and again. What makes Paris Hilton a "Hamburger Hottie". And how did this 86-year old end up behind bars with a pizza delivery that went awry."

Trust me, I like that crap as much as anyone, but not on my newscasts!

A brief look into what is really important finds:

The French may vote down the EU Constitution referendum on Sunday.

180,000 have died of violence, disease and hunger in Darfur since February 2003.

Egyptians have a choice in their presidential elections.

Hezbollah says, "We've got missiles."

And they wonder why the world hates us.

Meal of Links

Within the past week, I asked the question, "Whatever happened to Garth Brooks? He came up from his low places and asked Tricia Yearwood to marry him. I used to like her, now I'm not so sure.

Sir Bob is planning another concert. But it's not Live Aid II. Hey, The Spice Girls are involved. I guess I really, really want to watch.

Here is "Spaghetti Legs 2005" with the winning save yesterday for Liverpool.



Exercise Yard

Once Eric Wedge got wind of this website, the Indians have won more games. They haven't necessarily played better, but the close games have gone their way lately.

Visitor

21 Across: Banks known for hitting (5 letters) Answer: Ernie

I had to stop off at the local Giant Eagle after work for some sundries. Every person in line at the express checkout had some sort of alcohol as one of their 8 items or less. Except for me, as my halo shone brightly.

For those keeping score, my On Demand channels on Adelphia have not been working for the last 10 days. But I'm getting ESPN U soon. Also LOGO, the gay channel. Two more channels I'll pass over.

Meal of Links

I'm surprised the death of Ernest T. Bass did not get more play. Hard to believe, he appeared in only five episodes of "The Andy Griffith Show". "How do you do, Mrs. Wiley."

Jeff Gordon sings "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" at Wrigley (bottom right under Left Field). Kind of. He called it Wrigley "Stadium" and the crowd booed him mercilessly.

"Skunk" Baxter goes to Washington. "Where did you get those shoes?"

Exercise Yard

I witnessed one of the wildest soccer matches I've seen. It was the Champions League Final between Liverpool and AC Milan in Istanbul, not Constantinople. Milan was winning 3-0 at halftime. At that level, coming back from three goals down is unheard of, but somehow Liverpool did it in the space of about 7 minutes and at the 60-minute mark, it was even. Liverpool then won on penalties. Not sure about the antics (antics, I say!) by the Liverpool keeper during the kicks, but he made the big save that won it. Hysteria descends on Liverpool. No one works tomorrow.



Visitor

9 Across: Designer Wang (4 letters) Answer: Vera

Today is the first time I had a phone conversation stopped with, "Gotta go. Rob and Amber are getting married." This is one of my pet peeves when you have these pseudo-celebrities who won't go away. Kind of like the "Real World/Road Rules Challenge" series. I understand showing up on one of these reality programs, but when it's over, stay off of my TV.

I meant to include this photo of Phil Spector yesterday. Hard to believe your client has no credibility issues with that hair.



And I failed to mention that "Star Wars" has infiltrated lots of stuff recently, including Formula One. At Monaco, the pit crew for Red Bull had the stormtrooper helmets on. If you look closely, you can see Darth Vader manning the lollipop. I thought it looked pretty cool and finally found an action shot, instead of a PR photo.



Meal of Links

Here is the Paris Hilton ad for Carl's Jr. Six dollar burgers are hot.

Hayden Christensen becomes George Costanza. "Have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim?"

The items up for bid on "The Apprentice Auction" are lame. But I swear to you, the best item seems to be removed, unless Golden Palace.com bought it. They actually had the desk that Alex and Bren built for Staples on the list, and sadly, it's gone.

Exercise Yard

Wrestling for Jesus. Who cares? Bring back Jim Cornette.

Visitor

45 Down: Frosty, e.g. (7 letters) Answer: Snowman

I went to get my teeth cleaned by Mrs. Mengele today. I'm not sure of her accent, but it's freaky. I get to hear her say things like, "You floss, no?" "Open, open." "Healthy gums don't bleed. You have slight bleeding. You use Listerine, no?" Of course, one of the fillings I had last time didn't take. The bastards.

Worst graphic ever on the Tribe game tonight. "Who's Hot? Who's Not?" Sort of a "who was crappy in April, but better in May" list. They actually had Casey Blake and Aaron Boone on this graphic. For May, Blake was at .235 and Boone at .194, yet they both made the Hot list. The most ridiculous concept I've seen. Beyond spin doctoring, this is lying. BTW, another shitty crowd at Jacobs Field, but they won, 2-1.

Meal of Links

I can't help it, but each time I see the Lightning Round on Jim Cramer's "Mad Money", there is always something to make me laugh out loud.

Go to London for the music. Hey, they mention the Kaiser Chiefs. Ni-i-i-ice. "I Predict a Riot" is a very cool song.

Phil Spector has to be disappointed his prior gunplay is admissible in his trial. Ruh-roh.

Exercise Yard

If you have a kid and they like sports, make them lefthanded. The other question is to specialize or not?

Visitor

4 Down: Italian director Vittorio (6 letters) Answer: DeSica

It's raining, but we were able to get maybe a day and a half of some decent weather for a change. Forecast looks shitty for the whole week, so we'll see how it plays out.

It's official. My neighbors put the For Sale sign out today and had an open house. Would you like to be my neighbor? We have about 5 homes for sale around here. It's fun living in the city. It has been very quiet since Future Felon left. That is, except for the retarded kid who screams all the time, but I've gotten used to him.

Good auto racing today. F1 was in Monaco ("Breakfast at Monte Carlo"), clearly my favorite one of the year. And Felipe Giaffone qualified for Indy, 2 hours after getting a call while he was shopping at Babies 'R Us with his family.

Meal of Links

Lindsay Lohan hired a trainer. Apparently, to teach her not to ingest food.

Time is running out before the R's decide to alter filibuster rules in the Senate. There's nothing like a good filibuster. I've been preaching against Giant Eagle's bagging process of 12 bags for 15 items for months.

In the UK, Orange Mobile is developing channels so you can watch TV on your phone. Whatever happened to downtime, let alone reading?

Exercise Yard

Philadelphia, especially Bill Conlin, has determined Charlie Manuel shortcomings as a manager. He's already in the bottom 10 percent of clueless managers for the Phils. Conlin called him "baseball's Boo Radley." He already told an ump, "I want the lefthander" during a pitching change. Of course, he had two lefties warming up. And this, "...the only guy with a pregame radio gig is Manuel. A panel of United Nations interpreters and ancient language experts who translated the Dead Sea Scrolls were unable to translate Cholly's recent shows, so that tactic was out." Tee hee.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Thought I'd write something as I watched Winky Wright absolutely jab Tito Trinidad to death in the HBO rerun, followed by Lamon Brewster whipping Andrew Golota in all of 53 seconds. I went with my Dad to see Will Ferrell in "Kicking and Screaming" tonight. OK, it was silly. I believe it started at 8:00 and by, I dunno, 8:01, you knew how it would end. There was just something about Coach Ditka though. He was kinda funny and to see him patrolling a sideline in that Bears sweater was hilarious. If you like Ferrell, it's harmless. If you hate him, go elsewhere.

Previews for the most part were remakes or sequels. Lohan, before her eating disorder, is in the "Love Bug" and it has a NASCAR slant. "Bewitched" with Ferrell and Nicole Kidman has potential. Another "Harry Potter" is coming. Steve Martin in "The Pink Panther" looked like it might have been the best of the lot.

Meal of Links

Glasgow has figured out how to get kids to eat healthier foods. It's called bribery.

Looks like aspirin does not help old-timers. That's fine, but how does it know where to go for the rest of us?

Tara Reid is the new host of "Wild On!". Shocking.

Exercise Yard



Today's Preakness was incredible. It was amazing as the two lead horses, Scrappy T and Afleet Alex got tangled up at the top of the stretch and Afleet Alex almost went down but did not throw his rider. But Jeremy Rose not only hung on, he passed Scrappy T and the two of them annihilated the field. The 3yo crop looks dead right now. It was a fast race, but no one made a move on the front runners.

Visitor

46 Across: "The Count of Monte Cristo" author (5 letters) Answer: Dumas

It's Preakness Day tomorrow. The Preakness happens to be a strange race, because it traditionally is the weak sister of the Triple Crown races. Even if there is no shot at the Triple Crown, the Belmont can be a somewhat attractive race. I don't know if it's the classic distance or NYC or what, but it seems to hold its appeal. But the Preakness is held at Pimlico which, due to a lot factors (mostly slots and lack thereof), is a pit. There is even talk of shipping the race to another Magna track, such as Gulfstream or Santa Anita, but I'm not sure when or if that will ever happen. I'll still wager on it though.

First of all, toss all newcomers to the party. 20 of the last 21 winners also ran in the Derby. Second, act like the Derby never happened. I think it is very difficult for a 50-1 and 71-1 shot to repeat two weeks later at significantly lower odds. And, by God, if you didn't have them two weeks ago, don't jump on the bandwagon. They are very beatable. Afleet Alex will probably be overbet and with 14 betting interests, there should be some overlays. Here are my picks:

1. Greeley's Galaxy-should be a good price.
2. Afleet Alex
3. High Fly

Meal of Links

Tom Cruise cannot shut up about Katie Holmes. Really, he can't. He's everywhere.

Here's some dish on "The Apprentice" after party. I tifauxed it and I still can't believe how much that finale sucked. And Tana said bullshit on live TV back to Iowa. Tee hee. And there was also something about Tana getting a job offer worth $750,000 from somewhere. Huh? On to Season 4!

I bring you the "Ring Tone Dancer".

Exercise Yard

Ricky Williams wants to come back and play football. Maybe he got tired studying under Tor Eckman.

Visitor

49 Across: Comedian Bill, informally (3 letters) Answer: Cos

There is a boss of ours who could quite easily be labelled a pervert. While we were in a marketing meeting yesterday, a consultant was pointing out that within a broadcast e-mail, you could include sound. His example was a crowd reacting to a man that was hanging from the basket of a hot air balloon, oohing and aahing. Well, our genius said if we were to do something like that, perhaps the sound of female orgasms would be included. Let's set aside the inappropriateness of that comment for a moment, and move along. The consultant himself brushed it aside with a comment like "that would be interesting" or something similar.

But the problem is knowing this person's history, myself and a co-worker turn into Beavis and Butthead. After the comment, I see him start shaking his head and he chuckles. For about the next five minutes, we periodically would be silent, then I would hear him laughing under his breath and then I would start laughing. The presentation is continuing and I have to make a decision. Do I try and make a break for the door and then start laughing loudly when I get past it or do I stay and try and make it through the next few minutes? I decide to stay because I figured out I could only get halfway to the door without collapsing in laughter. So we struggled and finally put it out of our minds, but it was very funny.

Continuing...

Tonight was the final episode of "The Apprentice" and, as predicted, Kendra was the winner. First of all, where were the live O'Jays this time? Trump stuck to his word that people do not want a reunion show, but my God, the intro took over 15 minutes to recap the entire season. They should have had a hot dog company provide product placement, because of so much filler. The only Apprenti allowed to speak were Kristen, Chris and Erin. No one else said anything. Trump screwed up royally when he went to Kristen to get comments about Kendra, even though she worked with Tana. It was brutal as he kept insisting on it. Hey Trump, Judge Wapner called. He wants his set back. Geez, that was lame. It was like he was a judge and they must have found the flag that Tana forgot.

This was a pretty pedestrian program as Trump tried to get on Kendra about crying in the boardroom, but then chickened out after she brought up the fact linebackers cry at the Super Bowl and backed off and said it was OK. He brought up education once more with Tana, but really didn't pursue it much. The only revelation in the program was that Kendra revealed that Tana was responsible for coming up with the shape of the Pontiac brochure. Trump seemed surprised by this and it obviously got edited out of that episode, because no one thought it important. OK, so she said it would be a circle, you know, for the kids. I honestly felt that Tana thought she might win, because she apparently invented the circle. A very embarassing display of fist pumping followed, but Kendra rightly pointed out that yes, Tana came up with the circle, but that the circle needed a bunch of stuff in it to make the final brochure. They really could not come up with anything too negative and Trump finally told Kendra, "You're hired."

She'll get to pretty up a Palm Beach mansion. Jeepers, could they find any more feminine jobs. The other job was with the Miss Universe pageant. I guess before it gets cancelled.

Then Matt Dillon's voice came on and congratulated Kendra on her win as she drove off in her new Pontiac Solstice. Audience sightings: Omarosa, Sugar Ray Leonard and Robin.

Trump also mentioned that "The Apprentice: The Musical" is coming. A big WTF on that one. I hope the song "Hair' is in it. I just realized...Danny!

Meal of Links

Traffic was non-existent this morning. Could "Revenge of the Sith" have that much effect?

Grilling tips. You know, for the kids.

Trent Reznor was asleep at the wheel, as his manager ripped him off. It's amazing when you wait until you haven't had a hit in years to then start worrying about your financials.

Exercise Yard

A teacher attacks his daughter's coach with a baseball bat. Apparently there was no sword handy.

Visitor

12 Down: New Look designer (4 letters) Answer: Dior

I received an e-mail from a friend the other day who wanted to go the art museum, because they had an exhibit of Impressionist paintings. I replied that I didn't know that Frank Gorshin or Rich Little painted, let alone having their works displayed anywhere. She thought that Gorshin was still doing his George Burns show and that Little had died. I didn't even know Gorshin had a George Burns show, but I'm sure Little is alive.

Well, Frank Gorshin died today. Not sure what it all means, but I thought it kind of freaky. Maybe Fred Travelena's name will show up in an upcoming e-mail.

Meal of Links

Lots of really good singles this year, but my favorite, thus far, is "Love in a Trashcan" by The Raveonettes.

I think the iTrip is a great invention. I am amazed by this sort of technology. Get on the bus, Gus. Here are 50 ways to use your iPod.

Continuing with sound, you can listen to some of the Greatest American Speeches of the 20th century.

Exercise Yard

No crap about the Tribe, although they deserve it.

Malcolm Glazer's bid for Manchester United is quite fascinating. He thinks he can take the best brand name in soccer and make his own TV deal. Kind of like Notre Dame and NBC on a much grander scale, because it cuts out the other Premier League teams from any deal.

Visitor

18 Down: Springsteen, to fans (7 letters) Answer: The Boss

Last night, we scalped some tickets and sat in club seats to see the Indians suck again. It was the first time I had lemon sorbet at a game. Might have been the low point of the season, because the boys are just not hitting. I expect a move this week. There is a Noon game tomorrow and an off day on Thursday, so something will happen. My assumption is Alex Cora gets moved and Jody Gerut gets called up. If Scott Elarton fails tonight, he's gone. The Tribe has done this type of stuff in the past. They'll make moves that probably won't have much effect on paper, but it gets everyone out of their comfort zone.

Meal of Links

Kylie Minogue, who shares my birthday, has breast cancer. No mention of how her butt is holding up.

An early birthday present, as Fox miraculously saves "Arrested Development". Fox President says it was a no-brainer. Murdoch must love the show.

In typical White House fashion, when they use anonymous sources, it's OK, but when Newsweek uses anonymous sources, uh, that's not good.

Exercise Yard

Hey Wang, it's only the "Caddyshack" quiz. How 'bout a Fresca?

Visitor

44 Down: Filmdom's Peter (6 letters) Answer: O'Toole

While waiting to see the Wright-Trinidad replay on HBO next week, I got to see a live fight yesterday. Didn't pay a dime. I was at a stoplight at Brookpark and Ridge when three people decided to go at it in the Arby's parking lot. It was a younger guy, younger woman and older woman. Not sure of the relationship, but I'd have to say it was an embattled one. The guy hit the older woman first with some solid blows and I'm not talking jabs. These would be considered haymakers. Sadly, in physical terms for the guy and psychological terms for the woman, they didn't seem to have any effect on her. Because she kept coming after him like the British army in "The Battle of New Orleans". So I'm thinking, gee, this might be a weekly event for this group. The younger woman got a few blows in on the guy, before he started walking away, at least until he remembered that was his ride home, I'd bet. Then the light turned green.

After getting my take out at Don Ramon, I watched NASCAR and I won the first leg of the ESPN Fantasy League (you cannot see me, but I'm taking a victory lap).

But two things on TV last night made me spit up my hot cocoa. On "Mad TV", there was a skit about a 4-year old attending an R-rated movie. The mother tells Mrs. Campbell (a regular character) that he's too young to realize what's happening on screen. Then Mrs. Campbell tells the mother, "Oh, so sad that he's deaf and blind at such a young age." and started scratching his hand like Annie Sullivan while saying, "This is a soda pop." I am on the floor.

Next on "SNL", I know it was stupid, but Will Ferrell's "Jeopardy" skit (he was Trebek) was hilarious. They had Bill Cosby, Sharon Osbourne and Sean Connery as contestants. Once again, very funny. Connery referred to the category of "Japan US Relations" as "Jap Anus Relations".

BTW, Lohan is on "SNL" next week.

I finally got out to the Trader Joe's at Crocker Park this morning. I like Trader Joe's a lot and for some reason, I always buy eggplant-related stuff there. They seem to have more of it there than anywhere. But I got those honey wheat pretzels that I love. And don't forget the Farmer's Market is out at Crocker Park by Trader Joe's each Saturday.

I also seem to be haunted by animals lately. Yesterday, I opened my front door to check on the rain. Across the street, the bichon poked his head by his front door and it appeared we were in a staredown. Very strange. Then today, I got to see squirrels fighting. OK, maybe they were playing, but they were loud. Then there is this big ass jackrabbit that has officially scared the shit out of me twice this week, apparently because I disturbed its lurking.

Meal of Links

Obviously, the fake Robin Williams wasn't as annoying as the real Robin Williams or this would not have flown. I imagine the guy walked in, spoke gibberish for 10 or 15 minutes and got paid.

Given the collapse of United Airlines pensions, here is everything you need to know about pensions.

No offense, but Gumby was NOT funny. Eddie Murphy's "I'm Gumby, dammit." WAS funny. Unless the public is demanding it, and we need to know who they are, why is Gumby making a comeback?

Exercise Yard

After the rainout yesterday, Indy 500 qualifying started today. Of course, all the buzz was for Danica Patrick, who is running really fast this year. She ran a 229 practice lap this a.m. Dr. Jerry Punch said, "...a woman has never been on the pole...", it made me laugh.

OK, he's on my Fantasy Playoff team, but Dwyane Wade is Clapton. And I finally spelled it correctly.

Visitor

None, it's a cool, gray Sunday.

Not much to say about the Indians game last night, because we bailed before it rained. To better enjoy the game while imbibing. However, they make a pretty decent chicken teriyaki at the Market Pavilion. And they serve it in a box, if you'd like.

Over the past couple of years, I have had superb timing when it comes to fertilizing the lawn. Meaning that it rains pretty much after I place it on the lawn and sure enough, it happened again. I put it down on Thursday, and although Friday was a lot sunnier and warmer than expected, the agriculture and weather gods got together and made it rain a lot in the evening and it continues today. Somewhere, the Garden Weasel is smiling.

Meal of Links

Lindsay Lohan chats about everything. Still not sure about the blonde hair.



Ed Viesturs, who has lungs like no one else, has climbed 14 mountains taller than 8,000 meters. The only other to do that...Reinhold Messner. I mention Messner because my brother once pulled an NTN trivia game out of his ass with him as the answer.

It appears that Comedy Central has bid adieu to Dave Chappelle. Not the first time a great show only lasted a short time. He's crazy, bitch.

Exercise Yard

The last time Tiger Woods missed a cut, the Indians were good.

Visitor

8 Down: Hero in the David Bowie song "Space Oddity" (8 letters) Answer: Major Tom

Tonight's version of "The Apprentice" was proof of how editing shades everything. Of course, it may also be why Trump and friends decided to scrap a three-hour finale. This show revealed Kendra had her act together and no, Sony Playstation did not pull out of the Gaming Championship at Webster Hall. However, Tana and her buds at the Olympic event at Chelsea Piers were not so good. They didn't have an American flag for the procession. Unfortunately, even Governor Pataki noticed and told Trump. Uh-oh. In defense of Tana, this may have been the largest event a finalist had to be associated with and she didn't have the greatest team. But her continual references to her being the boss were tiresome. And she didn't look very happy when her team showed up at the boardroom to close the show to give their opinions. Has she not watched the show before?

Robin with a "Hello, Ladies."!

If they had gone with the three-hour finale, it would have been a rerun of the Jen M. bashing of a year ago. Wisely, the finale is next week and if Kendra is not picked, that would be a bigger upset than Giacomo in the Derby. On next week's promo, Trump voices over "who will succeed?" while Kendra is on screen and "who will fail?" with Tana on screen. Oh, that's not obvious.

Meal of Links

If you have a knack for signing someone to your fantasy team who promptly gets injured, we call that "killing" someone. Well, I killed Joe Johnson. Tough picture.

Most summers, new stories come out each year about a single topic. Sharks a couple of years ago, child kidnappings another. But each spring one story comes back, much like the buzzards on March 15th. It's the "they wouldn't allow me to attend because of what I wore to the prom" story.

Granted, many are upset about Kellen Winslow getting injured on a motorbike. But what if your favorite athlete turned an ankle on the hideous "Battle of the Gridiron Stars"? Most unlikely, but it could happen.

Exercise Yard

I wondered why Tony Pena resigned so suddenly as Royals manager. I guess it was more than an 8-25 record.

Visitor

3 Down: Actor Cobb (4 letters) Answer: Lee J.

Casey Blake homered today (and what was with all those day games today?), but have you seen Wendy's 99-cent menu recently? I was at the drive thru for lunch and I recalled seeing bacon prices were higher lately. Sure enough, the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger now clocks in at $1.19. I can't figure out what we farm. First it was a milk shortage, now bacon?

After work, I went to the Home Depot to purchase my "Step 2" of lawn care. This was about the time the darkest clouds this side of the Pecos came roaring through. I am not kidding, I think the temperature dropped 15 degrees while I was in line.

Meal of Links

At first glance, I thought this review of "Revenge of the Sith" was written by Ed Anger.

A new study says watching NASCAR makes you smarter. But you already knew that.

A plane flies into White House air space and they have to scramble the jets and go into emergency mode in DC. The First Lady, Dick Cheney and others are gathered up to go to their spider hole. Where's the President? Oh, he's out riding his bike. Oblivious.

Exercise Yard

James Toney is now, pound for pound, the fattest guy on steroids. Therefore, John Ruiz unretires and we're back to square one again in the heavyweight division. Maybe I should just watch "The Contender".

Visitor

52 Down: Cartoon roadrunner, sometimes (4 letters) Answer: Blur

I’m not sure what freaked me out more, the Zellweger-Chesney nuptials or Casey Blake hitting leadoff for the Tribe. It seems highly unusual for that type of marriage to be kept quiet, but doesn’t that sound much like Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett getting together?

As for my favorite player, Blake, he does look at a lot of pitches. In fact, he always rates highly in pitches per at-bat. Unfortunately, he doesn’t do much when he decides to swing. Of course, this’ll probably last only a few days as Wedgie has used 27 different lineups in 31 games. I’ll be at a couple of games on the next homestand, so I’ll be able to see what the hell is going on up close.

Meal of Links

The father of one of those two dead Illinois girls is charged with their murder. I am amazed he thought he could get away with this brutal act. He doesn’t fit the normal “quiet man” profile.

The Rolling Stones head out on tour once again. Uh, we didn't make this list either.

Be sure to pick up a free Junior Frosty at Wendy's this weekend. They want to regain some bidness, as Dave Thomas would say.

Exercise Yard

A pretty cool feature from USA Today. Tom Durkin calls a Dream Derby featuring 10 of the greatest thoroughbreds in history. Bellamy Road didn’t make the cut.

Visitor

26 Across: ‘50s-‘60s sitcom family name (6 letters) Answer: Nelson

I was walking by the Stadium yesterday afternoon about 4:30 when an SUV pulls. The guy in the passenger seat asks if I'm from around here. I said yes. Then he wanted directions to the Flats. Should I have told him, "Uh, you're about 5 years late to that party." I suggested to him that no one goes there anymore and he should try the Warehouse District. Then I got to thinking. It's Mother's Day, a Sunday, late afternoon, in Cleveland and I didn't know if anything would be open. In my best Bill Walton, "How sad."

Meal of Links

Microsoft is starting to leak items about the new Xbox.

The long arm of the law and its fingers are catching up with the Wendy's lady. They still don't know where she got the finger.

In this audio clip, some nutbag tells Alan Colmes on his radio show that "if you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule." And Springer doesn't have these guests on his radio show?

Exercise Yard

Paul Shirley has reupped for a playoff blog. If the Suns keep moving along, it would be difficult not to root for the guy.

Visitor

45 Across: "Daniel Boone" actor (6 letters) Answer: Ed Ames

The Kentucky Derby played out exactly as I saw it in my mind's eye. I thought Afleet Alex was in a great position to win, but no one counted on Giacomo or Closing Argument to be that close at the end. I have no regrets, he ran the race I'd thought he'd run. But that ended my fantasy stable for the year. I finished 844 out of 24,163.

Of course we now know that Giacomo was named after Sting's son. Jerry Moss, the "M" of A&M Records, is the owner and it was great how he plugged his partner's upcoming album postrace. Of course, that is Herb Alpert. And it was good to see Mike Smith get a Derby win. He's a great jockey and I made money with him and Lure many moons ago. All the finishers combined for eye-popping mutuels, too. $1.7 million for the super? Ay carumba.

If we learn anything from this race, it is that these horses that hit the board had a sound foundation of racing as a 2yo. You can't come in being lightly raced. And, one more thing. Bellamy Road is not Spectacular Bid. Take a look at The Bid's record. I wish they would stop this nonsense.

Meal of Links

Does your network need ratings? Hire Elvis.

I understand that scientists would love to determine how we can live longer. But where's the guy working on how I can retire early?

"It will always be Burma to me."

Exercise Yard

First Saturday of the month, so Showtime had boxing. Corrales beat Castillo in a tremendous battle. It is amazing at how Showtime has stepped up its matches. Next month is the one I've been drooling over. Kostya Tszyu takes on Ricky Hatton in Hatton's backyard. Go Kostya!!

Visitor

None, it's Mothers Day.

Today is Derby Day! And what a lovely weather day it is, should be 80 degrees and sunny. And we got to see Thea Andrews' legs on ESPN. After my win yesterday in the Oaks with Summerly (great ride by Jerry Bailey), we'll try to beat the races again today.

Even with the dreaded omen of doom, Bob Roberts picking the same horse as me, I am going with Afleet Alex. I am not sure what else this horse is supposed to do. He had an illness two races ago, but other than that, he has been terrific. I only have one caveat. Not sure about the jockey, Jeremy Rose. His BC Juvenile ride was not good on Alex and let's see if he can handle Derby pressure. Here are the picks:

1st: Afleet Alex
2nd: Greeley's Galaxy
3rd/4th: Probably High Fly, Sun King or Wilko (my old BC pal)

Afleet Alex will have to ride through his pedigree, much like Smarty Jones did. I'm not sure about Bellamy Road. He may be poised to be the next superstar, I am hearing comparisons to Seattle Slew and Spectacular Bid. I'd like to see other big-time wins before sharing company with The Bid. The thing that bothers me about Bellamy Road's chances in this race is the pace. He needs to rate, not sure that he can, especially if they go out in 45 or some insane number. I loved Bandini in the Blue Grass, but the more I watch that race, well, it was just a weird one.

Bets:

Afleet Alex across the board.
Exactas with Sun King, Greeley's Galaxy and High Fly
Oaks/Derby Double: Summerly/Afleet Alex

Meal of Links

To the surprise of virtually no one, Ol' Craiggers got the boot after the interviews on this week's "The Apprentice". Kendra has to stage a video game championship for Best Buy and EA. Tana is somehow in charge of an event for NYC 2012. She seems to feel the Olympic bid hinges on her task, but I really don't think so. And she has an annoying habit of not remembering Amy's last name from the committee. Of course, editing made it seem as if Sony Playstation was going to withdraw from Kendra's event, because their equipment was placed in the basement of Webster Hall. Webster Hall, mmmm, isn't that where the finale is staged next week? Why would they have it there? Unless, of course, Kendra is hired. That must be it.

Got the latest issue of Vanity Fair and it has a very good cover photo of Angelina Jolie:



Or you may prefer her sizing things up in Pakistan:



T-Shirt Hell drops their "Worse Than Hell" category. Some of the racist stuff was really bad and I'm sure there was a backlash.

Exercise Yard

White Sox win seventh straight. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we live with these averages:

Martinez .212
Boone .122
Peralta .207
Blake .207

Doh!

Visitor

1 Down: Best Actor for 1992 (6 letters) Answer: Pacino

Today is one of those days that makes you wanna start smoking. Really harsh stuff like unfiltered Camels. I took a day off because of all these errands I had to tend to. First stop, Sunnyside Toyota for my 15,000 mile maintenance check. Should take 75 minutes, I am there at 7:30. I do not like their waiting room (the size of a postage stamp), so I always opt to walk over to Dunkin' Donuts. It gives me time and room to do the crosswords, while I listen to how it is to be retired from the resident old-timers. You know, buying HDTVs but not the HDTV programming ("Why pay for only five channels?"), bitching about Mexicans, chattin' about golf. Tough life. Anyhow, I figure I'll finish the Friday puzzle and I should be back when the car is ready. Today's puzzle has all of these dumb clues for salad lovers. "Ring size, for salad lovers". Oh, I see, it's "Three Carrot". Pretty stupid, just stupid enough to take about an hour to finish. Not as bad as yesterday's clue, "Cinco de Mayo, MMV". "vslashvslashv" may have cracked the top 10 of all-time lousy answers. Anyhow, I get back about 8:50, no car. Finally about 9:10, I'm off. Who knows how long it sat there.

Then it was off to the local BMV for license and registration renewal. Another half an hour shot. Basically, you fill out forms, take your eye exam, get your sticker, get your photo for the license. When I walk in, only one waiting ahead of me. Yippee! But the old guy getting his license renewed either can't hear or is just plain stupid. The "would you like to donate to whatever cause?" questions absolutely stumped him. Are you kidding me? Then a woman couldn't pass her eye exam. I was next to her and the worker told her, "The line I am asking you to read contains none of those numbers." Uh-oh. It was like she was speaking Chinese. I'm already falling behind. So, I get my photo and then I wait and wait and wait some more. What I figured out was this: The next worker who takes a photo for someone's license hands you your license. In other words, I get a picture at a certain time. The employees wait on a bunch of folks, but they won't walk back to the photo machine until the next person for license renewal shows up. I was Number 81 when I got there. When I left, they were on 98. Unbelievable.

Then I head up to get my Daily Racing Form for the Derby. I don't see them on the counter. I ask the friendly counter guy, "Do you have tomorrow's Form?" He says, "Which one?" to which I sarcastically reply, "You know, the one with the Derby in it." Mr. Twenty Questions, "Sir, there are three Forms for tomorrow, which one do you need?" Great, now I'm speaking Chinese. By this time, steam from ears is visible. So I tell him, "A.M. Simulcast!" and he says, "They are right over there." And there they are, all three of them. Instead of pleasantly saying, "Hey, buddy, all of tomorrow's Forms are on the shelf over there, take which one you need.", I am talking to Mr. CIA. "Gimme the goddamn Form!"

Jeezy creezy. I had a dream the other day in which I smoked a pipe, maybe it was an omen.

BTW, hook up that iPod and listen to Betty Blowtorch. You finish mowing the lawn in record time. Or not so record time. My backyard was resembling a jungle, and it was just wet enough to stall the mower several times.

Meal of Links

Audioslave plays Cuba. I think that's kinda cool. "To those who speak Spanish..."

One of our own Most Wanted is collared in Akron.

Dick Cheney Fan Club has layed down some tracks. Fun for the whole family.

Exercise Yard

It's the Kentucky Oaks today and the Kentucky Derby runs tomorrow. It's kind of a Yankee weekend as Joe Torre has the favorite in the Oaks and George Steinbrenner has the Derby favorite. Let's try and beat the 4-5 Sis City in the Oaks, although it will be tough. Let's go with Summerly.

Visitor

47 Down: Actress Jackson (6 letters) Answer: Glenda

Today is Cinco de Mayo and, once again, it is not Mexican Independence Day. This is the first year I can recall a beer company, Corona, actually advertising for Cinco de Mayo. Guinness does a great job with its St, Pat's ads, so they decided to join the club. I'm heading over to Don Ramon's later for some grub along with some cervezas.

I guess there are some angry people out there regarding Kellen Winslow's accident. I'm actually kind of ambivalent about the whole thing. Yes, he did a stupid thing and I hope he recovers. On the other hand, Randy Lerner will probably not pay him his full bonus that is due, but I think he'll give him something. I probably would have stronger feelings about the whole thing, if Winslow had some semblance of a career. So far, he hasn't, so I don't get a sense that we've missed out on greatness, because we have not seen it displayed. Hopefully, he gets healthy, and we'll see what he can do next year. We may have to add him to the line of first round disasters we've had. Of course, I have my doubts about 35 mph and wearing a helmet, but who wouldn't say that, given the circumstances.

Meal of Links

Tony Blair wins a third term. Still waiting for Ohio returns.

The folks at Archie McPhee with a sizzling product. Bacon Strips Band-Aids.

Lil' Kim acts like Marvin Gaye and doesn't pay her employees.

Exercise Yard

Captain Cheeseburger loses to the Twins. Matt Underwood actually stuck up for an umpire during an argument with trailer park denizen, Ron Gardenhire. I like Gardenhire because of his "hillbilly bullshit" line three years ago and the fact he appears to have come to the ballyard to manage the Twins straight from his trailer, while wearing his uniform. BTW, J.D. sucked again.

Visitor

24 Down: Agassi's wife (4 letters) Answer: Graf

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I have been watching Pat O'Brien being grilled by Dr. Phil. I'm still trying to figure out how this program got the OK. O'Brien admits he's not a celebrity, although if you've seen him over the years, he certainly appears to be a wannabe. But this particular program allows Phil to come up with gems like, "I listen to those tapes and I must say, what were you thinking?". "A little bit of cocaine is like being a little bit pregnant." So clever. And I'm not sure I believe O'Brien either, but what the hell. It's sweeps week and they're using me.

Salon has a nice take. (Get a site pass.)

BTW, that captured Number 3 al-Qaeda guy's picture today was disturbing. No wonder they couldn't find him.

Meal of Links

Loews Theatres decides to publish actual movie start times in their listings. I confess, I like to get to the local bijou early, so I'm not that offended by commercials. But they've definitely increased the amount you see over the last couple of years. I like when the ads are produced specifically for the theatres, instead of rehashing ones from the telly.

Production of "Chappelle's Show" is suspended, bitch. Almost as much secrecy as Evel Winslow's injuries. Winslow might not be a soldier, dude.

Guy finally talks after 10 years in a coma-like state. First words: "This soup is cold."

Exercise Yard

Formula One is threatening to ban BAR-Honda for the year for cheating, with the use of an illegal fuel tank. NASCAR used to always wink and nod at cheating, but they've upped some penalties this year. It's the post-steroid culture, all leagues want to be on the up-and-up.

Visitor

6 Down: "Tequila Sunrise" director Robert (5 letters) Answer: Towne

Groom of Runaway Bride now appears to be the crazy one. It's cool that he stands by his woman, but yikes.

BTW, has Bill Gates been smoking the hippy lettuce? xBox 2 will crush Sony? That better be some machine.

Meal of Links

Becks is the highest-paid footballer in the world.

Aimee Mann writes an album about a boxer? Do the math. I like Aimee. I like boxing. Methinks I'll listen.

WBWC has posted their list of Thursday Summer Marathons which start next week. Pretty good lineup. No Elvis this year, but lots of the usual suspects. The Simple Minds show each year is world class.

Exercise Yard

Finally, the Yanks bench Bernie Williams. As Trump says, "It had to be done."

Visitor

47 Down: Frequent leading man for Hepburn (3 letters) Answer: Tracy

Adding to my repertoire of bad sports T-V. I was able to see a rerun of the National Scrabble Championship on E-S-P-N. I was on the edge of my sofa, sitting on my h-a-u-n-c-h-e-s. The winning word was t-e-o-p-a-n-s. I am not sure what it m-e-a-n-s.

Meal of Links

Glengarry Glen Ross returns to Broadway. Omigod, Liev Schrieber is Ricky Roma! I want Liev to deliver my eulogy when I die. He'd make me sound real good. "Always be closing."

Linkin Park wants out of their record contract. I don't get it, don't they record the same thing for every album?

Children are safest in the backseat. Toss 'em back there and tell 'em to shut the hell up. Well, that's what they did in the sixties.

Exercise Yard

We found out that Kellen Winslow injured himself in a motorcycle accident, while learning how to ride it. Somehow, I think the whippin' his Dad is going to give him, is gonna hurt a lot more.

Visitor

59 Across: Actress Witherspoon (5 letters) Answer: Reese

What a way to spend your wedding day! I find this "Runaway Bride" story fascinating on several fronts.

Their registry.

Let's face it, she looks crazy.

Wedding numbers that approach Ruthian standards: 600 guests, 28 attendants.

The family, so public with their prayer circles during the drama, hiding when the truth comes out.

Various pictures of searches. You know, dumpster and sewer checking.

The shawl. It's tough doing a perp walk when you are not a perp, but that shawl! "I was kidnapped, but got a haircut."

The nutbag relative who said the wedding would be delayed. Uh, I think that's why she ran. They already filmed, "I Married an Axe Murderer".

In typical American fashion, the townsfolk turn on her. Instead of admitting they got punked and moving on, these people are demanding apologies, hoping she'll have to pay.

Look, she's safe and she's home. She's probably the first bride with cold feet who had her journey broadcast nationally. That's comedy gold, though. And she's not the first crazy person who was faking abduction. Remember the Wisconsin student from last year?

Meal of Links

Darth Vader has a blog.

The Jacko prosecution team has their own glove moment. It seems Jacko's ex-wife didn't say what they thought she would say. Uh-oh.

An actual line from the Adelphia guide yesterday. President Bush and Cedric the Entertainer speak at the White House Correspondents Association Dinner. Never thought I would see that.

Exercise Yard

On HBO last night, Toney beat Ruiz. Not a very exciting fight. I'm glad Toney is now a heavyweight champ, but he's gotta get in better shape. Thankfully, John Ruiz, who got booed on his way to the ring, is on the back burner.

Larry Merchant had two great lines last night. He is so good. Jim Lampley warned us that language from the Ruiz corner may be harsher than normal. Merchant: "Not if you watch "Deadwood"." More Merchant: "A nice crowd here tonight, and a few thousand of them might have actually paid for their tickets."

I like Dale Earnhardt, Jr., but, man, he caused a big wreck at Talladega today and it seemed to me that everyone, especially Fox, went out of their way to pussyfoot around the issue. The wreck only took out half the field.

Paul Hoynes with a "hat guy" blast in today's column.

OK, when hasn't Mike Sweeney not killed the Indians? The Tribe was lucky to even be in the game, because Jose Lima was getting unbelievably squeezed by the plate umpire. Fans should be worried because today's Royals lineup really sucked...and we still lost. Aaron Boone is taking his lumps, but we also have Blake at .178 and Martinez at .209. Only 4 hits for our team.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.