I was gonna do a liveblog of the Oscars, but I thought I might have to stay awake until 3:00 a.m. However, it was surprisingly short, although the Hargrove Rule kicked in. You know, the event must be at least 3 hours long. But I scribbled some notes (perhaps out of order), so here we go:

I watched none of the red carpet festivities.

I miss Jack. The Lakers are on road. WTF?

Let's face it, Chris Rock was hamstrung by the event, but he did OK with what he was allowed to do. But I will never forgive him for that Deacon Jones joke, when it was supposed to be Star Jones. Gap vs. Banana Republic? Ahem, it's the same company.

Renee Zellweger needs to open her eyes, because she's missing the food on her plate.

Morgan Freeman actually said, "Heavens to Murgatroid" before he exited stage left.

Robin Williams, puh-leeze. Just present the award. Clown. The only presenter who is allowed to do shtick. I haven't seen "The Incredibles". "The Replacements" with Keanu, yes, "The Incredibles", no.

The woman helping out on stage is really, really tall. I mean frighteningly tall.

First award in the crowd is for makeup. Katherine Hep...Cate Blanchett with the duties.

French Beyonce is tres bad.

Hey, a stagehand on camera!! Or is that Bin Laden?

Rock at the Magic Johnson Theatre. His best routine of the night. Albert Brooks...still funny.

Scarlett in the balcony with the tech award winners. Wouldn't it be cool if one of them took a header into the audience right now with an arrow in his back? That would be as mesmerizing as the Artest fight.

Pierce Brosnan must have hit the whiskey last night. He cannot speak. Plus, he's presenting with a cartoon.

When did Adam Duritz become Kid of Kid n' Play?



Sandler and Rock together were not funny.

Pacino! He gives the Lifetime Achievement award to the great director, Sidney Lumet. Lots of action here. Hey, Walken is in there from "The Anderson Tapes". Lumet has a great speech, but my God, his daughter has the largest chest of anyone in the building tonight. The whole audience had to a double take, or in this case, a quadruple take, when looking up top toward the balcony. Louis Gossett took this opportunity to catch some Z's on national TV. BTW, Lumet's new movie: Vin Diesel...as a lawyer...with hair. Has to be a comedy.

Beyonce, again. Gotta question for her: "I know some other female singers in here. (Where they at? Where they at?)"

"Comedy legend" Jeremy Irons is actually funny. After a loud bang, he said, "I hope they missed." Nominee faking like he was asleep, unlike Gossett, was classic.

Competition for the Lumet daughter as Salma and her Hayeks appear. With Penelope Cruz at her side!!! Please don't say anything...please don't say anything...please...don't...say...crap!



Antonio Banderas and Carlos Santana sing a song from "The Motorcycle Diaries". Beyonce must have missed her Spanish lesson. Lyrically this song might have been good. I, on the other hand, thought it was mucho bad.

Right now, John Travolta is being overshadowed by that 60-foot helper woman.

Yo-Yo Ma plays a song live over the annual "Roll Call of the Dead". Isn't that like Paul McCartney singing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" to a live audience? Uh, wait a minute. Mickey Rooney, who is in the audience, is visibly relieved that his picture does not come on the big screen.

Beyonce is on again!!! Jee-zus. With Josh Groban. Bathroom break.

Prince, unlike Beyonce, has apparently not studied any foreign languages. OK, number one pet peeve of the Oscars. For years, when very few blacks were in attendance, any time a black person was on stage talking, they showed the other black person(s) in the audience. Now they are doing it with the Spanish. Spanish guy wins for Foreign Film and who do they show? Antonio Banderas and Penelope Cruz. Salma must have been taking her Hayeks out for a walk.

Sean Penn could kill a man. I'm not kidding.



Hilary Swank wins. Thanks her husband. Oscar Scoreboard: Swank 2, Streep 2. If you need it.

It's time for the obligatory, "Well, we couldn't possibly give these films any acting or directing awards, let's throw them the writing awards." bone. To "Sideways" and "Eternal Sunshine...".

Jamie Foxx wins for "Ray". Maybe they can find a way to make "Ray 2". Too bad for Depp, I wanted to see him do a Col. Sanders impression.



Scorsese should have known when he saw the seating arrangements that he was screwed. Clint in front row. Marty, seemingly in Row 6, behind Alan Alda. He must have pissed off the film gods a while back.

Clint's Mom is there. Does she actually know what's happening?

Hoffman and Streisand. An interesting dynamic. The apparently inebriated Hoffman and the incredibly vain diva, Streisand. I'll explain. Obviously the producer of the show thought it a neat idea to reunite these two stars from "Meet the Fockers". After the opening niceties, it is obvious that Streisand does not want to read the nominees. I think Hoffman was hitting the sauce and he didn't think he'd have to do it. He starts and can barely slur "Million Dollar Baby", while having a very choppy delivery with the other nominees. Time for the winner and Streisand conveniently mentions she has forgotten her glasses. Now, if it's considered a coup that you are part of the broadcast, she owes it to the producer to read the damn nominees, regardless of how she looked. This annoyed me to no end.

Shout out to Brooklyn. Over.

Meal of Links

Babs hanging Dustin out to dry at the Oscars.

Jeff Raskin, the creator of the Mac, passes away.

The view of the red carpet from the UK.

Exercise Yard

Manny has new hair again.

Visitor

14 Across: Pitcher Martinez (5 letters) Answer: Pedro

Oscar predictions, with the over and under on African-Americans shown (including Chris Rock) at 6:

Clint-Movie
Clint-Director
Swank-Actress
Madsen-Supporting Actress
Foxx-Actor
Freeman-Supporting Actor

I'm watching the NASCAR Fontana race and I never thought I'd hear "Los Angeles" by X on their broadcast. Billy Zoom, but of course.



An omen propelling me to a 1-2-3 finish in NASCAR fantasy, perhaps?

Meal of Links

The 2005 Razzies. Bush and Rummy take home prizes.

How can Governor Tax co-chair anything involving schools? Clown.

I had no idea there was a Miss Stigma Free beauty pageant.

Exercise Yard

Miguel Cotto beat "Chop Chop" Corley in a slugfest on HBO boxing last night. It was a raucous Puerto Rican crowd with low blows landed by both guys. Corley had Cotto out on his feet in round 3, but couldn't deliver any further damage. "Chop Chop" was probably going to lose, but the hometown ref stepped in and called it near the end of the fifth round. Merchant called it an "absolute disgrace".

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

"I left in love, in laughter, and in truth and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit."--Bill Hicks, 1961-1994

Bill Hicks died eleven years ago today. Could be the funniest man I've ever seen. For some reason, Hicks was immensely popular in the UK, but maybe had too much of an edge for US audiences. Of course, Denis Leary and others stole his act. He was "Chomsky with dick jokes." There is a website for Hicks in case you need to learn more about him. A sample:

"I smoke...if this bothers anyone, I recommend you looking around the world in which we live and shutting your fucking mouth. Take that home with ya. I got some news to tell you tonight. Very exciting news. For nonsmokers? Oh, I can't wait to tell y'all this 'cause I know you don't know this...and I feel it's my duty to pass on information at all times so that way we can all evolve quicker. Nonsmokers, you ready? This, by the way, is a FACT too. Nonsmokers, ready? Drum roll. Nonsmokers die every day. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! O-ho, sleep tight. Oh, the truth shall set you free. I know that you nonsmokers entertain some type of eternal life fantasy because you don't smoke cigarettes. Well let me be the first to pop that fucking bubble and send you about your way with some little truth: you're gonna fucking die. OK? OK. Love ya! Shut the fuck up. And you know what doctors say: "Shit, if only you'd smoked. We'd have the technology to help ya." It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me. Iron lung, oxygen tent, it's like CHRISTMAS."

Meal of Links

Nothing will beat the original. Nothing.

It's amazing what you can find on the Internet. I bring you Blink-O-Rama. People caught blinking on TV. For no apparent reason, I am laughing out loud right now. People blink, why is that funny? Help me.

The Backstreet Boys are back. Ugh.

Exercise Yard



Curling just doesn't have the same pizzazz as beach volleyball.



Visitor

46 Across: "The Mothman Prophecies" actor (4 letters) Answer: Gere

May have been the lamest/tamest episode of "The Apprentice" last night. Again, one of these truly subjective things, where each team had to design a graffiti ad on the side of a building in Harlem. It was to be an ad for Sony Playstation's Grand Turismo 4. First of all, they each had a graffiti artist who actually did the act of deciding what the concept should look like. Very uneventful boardroom, except that Craig told America that Audrey pretty much rules her two-month-old marriage. Her husband seems to be lazy and no-count. Look for her on-air breakdown next week. A mystifying third series, thus far.

Meal of Links

I don't usually read Miss Manners. But this letter was unbelievably funny. What if this singer was a PiL fan? I like PiL, but not in this context. I'd be looking for bridge abutments.

Nikki Finke has the scoop on Chris Rock, hosting the Oscars. He's not really a one-liner kind of comic, so I wonder how he'll be. I love the guy, but I'm predicting a shaky go of it. Nikki taught me a long time ago that the Oscars is usually Revenge Night. Take that, Lauren Bacall. Oscar predictions.

Salt is a big-time killer.

Exercise Yard

John Chaney has officially gone mad. This is probably the lowest incident in college basketball this year.

Visitor

69 Across: Hogwarts attendee (6 letters) Answer: Potter

Went to the Tai Wah restaurant (or as we call it "Tai Won On") for lunch today. Hadn't been there in a while, as they spruced up the place a bit. Mainly we are there for the buffet and Sportscenter. But the gastric disaster that is this place, hit us shortly after lunch.

The description of my stomach was "a cauldron". A co-worker used the term "bubbling".

Meal of Links

Time to wheel the "Fake Pope" out again.

Tarantino will direct the "CSI" finale. He has to use the line "these guys are dead as fuckin' fried chicken."

Abe Vigoda is not sleeping with the fishes, it's his birthday. "Tell Michael I always liked him, this was strictly business."



Exercise Yard

My Dad went with me to the CSU game last night. At halftime, there was a group of drummers, vibe players, and a guitarist who did some sort of faux "Stomp" thing. He started complaining about the people in front of him, who were standing. I said there was not much to see, it was more of an audio thing. After more complaining, I told him, "The guy has a cane, maybe he has to stretch his leg." The reply, "Even more reason to sit down." My Dad, friend of the afflicted.

Visitor

43 Across: Singer Redding (4 letters) Answer: Otis

I am up to three winning iTunes caps now. I found myself buying Diet Mountain Dew, figuring no one would buy that brand. Pepsi seems to have increased the number of brands that potentially have winning caps.

They are selling winning caps on eBay...I checked.

Meal of Links

The dance floor from "Saturday Night Fever" is up for auction. I'm waiting for the dance floor from "Airplane".

The Essential 50 Video Games. I still remember seeing "Donkey Kong" at the Balcony in Oxford in 1981. We had not seen anything like it. This is a great read, even if you have not played these games.

The CDC warns us about avian flu. Not sure if they are jumping the gun, or laying groundwork for the inevitable "I told you so." moment when it hits the States.

Exercise Yard

The NHL, if/when it comes back, is going to make many rules changes. They need more offense and eliminating the red line is a change they should institute right now.

Visitor

55 Down: Chairman with a "Red Book" (3 letters) Answer: Mao

"I hate to advocate weird chemicals, alcohol, violence or insanity...but they've always worked for me."--Hunter S. Thompson, 1937-2005

RIP, Hunter.

Meal of Links

Ancient Steven Tyler splits with his wife. She'll have to play with her toys. In the attic.

Yao Ming is going to own a combination Chinese restaurant/sports bar in Houston. Their mascot could be General Tso.

Paris Hilton had her PDA hacked. I saw the list today, but I'm sure the numbers have all been changed by now. No doubt some prank calls went to Fred Durst, Ashlee Simpson and Lindsay Lohan.

Exercise Yard

Sidney Ponson talks about doing time in Aruba. There could be worse places to be incarcerated.

Visitor

6 Down: "The Apprentice" host (5 letters) Answer: Trump

Remember that old US Army commercial, "Dawn Patrol"? That was me this a.m as I was pretty sure I was going to get my Sunday paper. I do have a new delivery guy, per a note I received this week. So was last week's missing paper a delivery error? Taking no chances, at 6:22, I checked to see if the paper was there, but it hadn't arrived yet. No fresh footprints in the snow, as well. However, "the bait" arrived a few minutes later. We are creatures of habit, so I was able to eliminate some suspicions. Namely, the random early walker theory, as there were no pedestrians before 7:00. One of my remaining theories is that "neighbor who still has Christmas tree lit", you know, the Thanksgiving Leaf Blower, or a visitor of theirs took it. I've entered today's activity in my Captain's Log for future reference.

Speaking of the PD, did anyone read the stalking story in the PDQ section? This guy sees a woman in the gym stretching her foot over head and becomes immediately interested. I mean, who wouldn't be? They waste some ink detailing this guy's not wanting to violate the "code of the gym" by socializing with her. Either the guy should call Nicky Cage to break the code or he should quit the gym and stalk her oustide, right?

Meal of Links



Josh Smith wore Dominique's old uni and won the NBA Slam Dunk contest last night with an old-school Wilkins' windmill. That boy's got some hops.

They found a human ear on a Manchester street. Watch out for this guy:



We get to see some of Bush's off-the-record comments before the 2000 election. But 9/11 changed everything.

Exercise Yard

It took Bernard Hopkins about 5 rounds to figure out Howard Eastman on HBO Boxing last night, on his way to a unanimous decision. Eastman was eating a lot of punches in this bout. But it was Hopkins' 20th title defense, an amazing feat for a guy who is now 40 years old. This was another show from LA, all of a sudden, the new hotbed of boxing.

Visitor

None, it's Daytona 500/NBA All-Star Game Sunday.

Dislodging these thoughts from my brain:

Did anyone see my Dad on the front page of the Plain Dealer yesterday? Wait a minute, that was a different 100-year old bowler.

How geeky am I if I Tivo "Fox News Watch" each week?

Is it OK to laugh during the OnStar infomercial? The radio spots are bad enough, but now they've invaded my TV. They always start with something innocent like, "Hello, OnStar? My car is upside down in a swamp." Then OnStar Guy says something like, "Would you like us to call for an ambulance?" Victim replies, "I haven't had my life threatened in a while, so I think I'll see if I drown. Call them, but tell them not to hurry, OK?"

The ESPN commercial with Scott Van Pelt and the non-fainting Spelling Bee kid makes me laugh every time.

Overheard at Giant Eagle today. Woman on cellphone: "Darla nearly creamed her pants when that "Troy" video with Brad Pitt came on." BTW, they also rented "Taxi" and "Saw". A quantity-over-quality purchase, I guess.

The curse of Marc's continues. Latest bill: $25. I think I went there for Tussin and ended up with more. And I just realized I forgot shaving cream.

I failed to mention Martin Short was on "Arrested Development" last week. He was playing an old fitness guy like Jack LaLanne, who had lost the use of his legs during a live broadcast of "Good Morning Syracuse" a few years back. He refused to use a wheelchair and had to be carried everywhere by this big guy named Dragon. Very funny. Ed Begley, Jr. is a recurring hairless character who was trying on a long blond wig. He had a great reference with "I look like Edgar Winter."

Debbie Gibson is gonna shake her love in Playboy. Good grief.

Meal of Links

Remember when Hillary Clinton fainted a while back It was her tight thong that caused it.

There was a big cosmic explosion back in December. And I thought it was that guy's stomach growling behind me at "The Aviator".

Not liking the new Warner Bros. cartoons. Why not update the writing to "I feel so crunk, Doc."

Exercise Yard

My beloved Miami RedHawks had a huge win over Wichita State in a Bracket Buster game today. Their high RPI probably gets them an at-large bid to the NCAAs if they do not win the MAC.

Visitor

9 Down: "Carousel" choreographer (7 letters) Answer: DeMille

I'm taking time out from Donny Deutsch absolutely destroying April Florio on his show. You know, she's the woman who supposedly broke up the Pitt-Aniston marriage. Out of left field, Donny is an unleashed bulldog in this interview. He should replace Larry King right now.

Meal of Links

Michael got the boot on "The Apprentice". Pretty tame episode, noteworthy because a Project Manager finally survived. Really bad sound editing in this one at the beginning and in the boardroom, as Trump's comments were obviously inserted in post-production.

The trial of Phil Spector begins in September. I wish Dudley Moore was around to star in the re-enactment.



Please watch "Arrested Development" before Fox blows it and cancels it. I fear the end is near. First, "Andy Richter", another gem, and now this. Very sad.

Exercise Yard

The NBA will not allow beer sales in the 4th quarter anymore. And a two-beer limit per purchase, as well. Not a bad thing, as it's the last league to curb late game beer sales.

Visitor

49 Across: Senator Lott (5 letters) Answer: Trent

Spring training started today for a few clubs. And, then the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue appeared.



Meal of Links

The Top 50 most memorable Playboy images. Joan Severance alert: Number 18. Charlton Heston at #31 seems a bit odd.

Michael Jackson enters the hospital with "flu-like symptoms". Probably a justice allergy kicking in.

Boxer on "The Contender" kills himself. NBC says all of his episodes will air. That's not exploitation, that's ratings.

Exercise Yard

I was able to listen to the debut of XM's Home Plate channel. Not bad. I was able to hear exemplary baseball citizens, Jose Canseco and Pete Rose, back-to-back on the way home. They were on a show hosted by Kevin Kennedy (who I like) and the god-awful Rob Dibble. Dibs actually started a question to Canseco this way: "Jose, I don't know anyone who loved the game more than you...". WTF?

Visitor

6 Across: 1966 N.L. batting champ Matty (4 letters) Answer: Matty

Think of Elvis Costello singing this Rodgers and Hart tune:

My funny valentine
Sweet comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable
Unphotographable
Yet you’re my favorite work of art

Is your figure less than greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

But don’t change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay
Each day is valentine’s day

Is your figure less than greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

But don’t you change one hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay
Each day is valentine’s day

Meal of Links

This guy wanted to have a Valentine's Day suicide party. He'll supply the Kool-Aid.

Some hard-line Hindus really don't like Valentine's Day.

While you're chomping on some Valentine chocolates, think of the little hands helping to make the product. And I don't mean the Keebler elves.

Exercise Yard

Who throws the best Valentine Day's party? Would you believe, Ronaldo?

Visitor

4 Down: Artists Warhol (4 letters) Answer: Andy

Once again, the Sunday paper was stolen. I'm out like Coach K. when it happens:



Where is my Block Watch to prevent this from happening? It's not like I wake up at Noon, I was awake at 7:15. Looks like I'm going to have to do a "Paper Patrol". You know, hide behind my hedges to see who might be walkin' around on Sunday mornings with an inclination toward thieving. I have my suspects, because I don't take my paranoia lightly. I hope it's not raccoons.

Meal of Links

I happened upon Greta's show on Fox the other day. What is it with all of these female teachers having sex with students? Maybe it's that prosecutors are finally pressing charges, but it seems that each week brings out a new report.

I've decided to use the word crunk more often. As in "Jeeves, I believe I am very crunk today, wouldn't you agree?"

Howard Dean becomes DNC Chairman. (Insert scream here.) It's an interesting move, because Dean is an outsider and on the surface, the party will probably lean more left than centric in an effort to differentiate the party even more from the R's. Can't even think of how that strategy might play out.

Exercise Yard

There were actually over 3,000 fans at The Bart last night to see UIC beat Cleveland State. It was Hall of Fame Day, the CSU women played, it was CSU Student-Athlete Day, and the UIC coach, Jimmy Collins, had his Fan Club (from Syracuse, NY) there to enhance the crowd. BTW, Collins, a great dresser, had a nice cream colored ensemble goin' on. Almost saw a fight. After a double technical foul was called, Elliott Poole pushed Patrick Tatham of CSU in the face. Over 3,000 people saw it, but the three officials apparently were admiring how their co-worker formed a "T", and they missed it. But it got everyone's blood boiling for a time, before UIC put it away.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

While zipping around the dial the another night, I stumbled upon a programming concept that is absolutely brilliant in its execution. I know I'm late to the party, but the "Fanzone" program on Fox Soccer Channel is a hoot. They take a fan from each club and have them do the commentary (via an alternate audio channel) on an English Premier League soccer clash. Hey, if you're going to get bias towards a club, I'd rather have it coming from some nutty fan, than a professional broadcaster, like Dickie V. I saw the Chelsea-Manchester City match and it was funny. Each guy rips on his club-"that's what 9 million pounds will get you", I heard a player called "a woman" for arguing a foul call, the refs get blasted, etc. Most enjoyable. I believe it's on every Thursday at 11:30 p.m.

If the Tribe ever did this, I'd be first in line.

Meal of Links



The great playwright, Arthur Miller, is the first person to die in this year's Dead Pool.

Tom Sizemore gets caught using "The Whizzinator". Here is "The Whizzinator". Check out the testimonials.

"Shopping Channel Coin Guy" is going to go crazy over these Wisconsin quarter errors.

Exercise Yard

Hockey is dead.

Visitor

9 Down: "Rikki Don't Lose That Number" group (9 letters) Answer: Steely Dan

"The Apprentice" comes through with another gem of an episode. The teams had to make a commercial for Dove Body Wash. One team comes up with some sort of cucumber porn idea, while the other had an OK concept about a marathon, but its direction was horrific. In defense of both teams, ad guru Donny Deutsch expressed clearly he wanted something "out of the box". I guess cucumber porn is still considered in the box, so to speak, because Deutsch couldn't pick a winner. Therefore, both teams had to endure a boardroom, and the really arrogant project manager on the Street Smarts team, Kristen, was fired. She was the first fired person who spent her entire camera time in the cab still defending herself. Man, give it up, you're gone.

Meal of Links

Courtney Love avoids jail. Looks like a stint in rehab for her.

North Korea says, "We have nukes." Kim Jong-Il was out golfing and had no comment.

Fim Threat reveals their Top Ten Movie Urban Legends.

Exercise Yard

Checkers/Rally's is now the official drive-thru and burger of Nascar. I'm sure that means a Bigger Buford.

Visitor

42 Down: "Off The Court" autobiographer (4 letters) Answer: Ashe

The NCAA tournament comes to CSU in March and I got my tickets about 10 days ago. I mistakenly thought that maybe we could get a Number 1 or Number 2 seed here. Then I realized the NCAA wants to make money. So it looks like Illinois will go to Indy. Here is an early guess at what we will see in Cleveland.

Meal of Links

Im going to see "Movin' Out" next week at the Palace. However, I am in row last. If everyone looks like Billy Barty or if I need oxygen, do I get my money back?

Prince made $56 million last year. Sure beats working for Mr. McGee at that five and dime.

Molson and Coors merge. Twins, eh.

Exercise Yard

Donovan McNabb, channeling the denial skills of Al Lerner, says he was not sick at the Super Bowl. No doubt though, he was hyperventilating. I didn't Tivo the game, but in the 4th quarter, Terrell Owens can be clearly seen telling McNabb to relax on the sidelines. T.O. tells him that at least three times in a row. I thought it odd when I saw it and now I know why.

Visitor

23 Across: Pugilist Marvin (6 letters) Answer: Hagler

I hate celebrating Mardi Gras in this fashion.

Meal of Links

The Oscars are changing the way they hand out awards. This will cut down on that guy who sits way in the back and then thanks 35 people.

Geez, they are really going after Cos with these allegations. The decision to charge him comes this week.

Did you have your paczki today? Let's see...six beers on Saint Patrick's Day, seis burritos on Cinco de Mayo...

Exercise Yard



"We're shocked, shocked to find that steroid use is going on in here!"

Visitor

2 Across: Rock band Motley (4 letters) Answer: Crue

The commercials at this year's Super Bowl provided some good ads, but also some real duds. Here is the Ad-Meter from USA Today.

Mediocre Ads: Any car ad or movie trailer sucks. You can't be funny about cars and we've seen all the trailers before. What was with Frozen Mustang Driver? If his head fell apart or something, that would have helped. Couldn't he have thawed by the THIRD time it was shown?

Good Ads:

NFL Network: Jon Gruden yelling at his kids was unbelievably funny.

CareerBuilder.com: They used my motto: "Monkeys make me laugh. Monkeys in clothes make me laugh harder." to the fullest.

Anheuser-Busch: Funny when the pilot jumped out of the plane for Bud Light. Cedric was weak, except for the designated driver bit.

Ameriquest Mortgage: Cell-phone guy getting tazered and the cat in the spaghetti sauce were good.

Olympus: That was a cool ad for the music player.

O2Optix: Second female shown...I am in love.

FedEx: Burt Reynolds and the bear.

Nationwide: MC Hammer.

Dumb Ads:

Pepsi: P.Diddy and the truck. Ugh. Even the iTunes ones were lame. I will say Cindy Crawford still looks good.

Silestone Countertops: Chicago sports guys for "I am Diana Pearl."

Subway: Maybe if Jared was in that car.

Strange Ads:

Degree: Mama's Boy!! I have no idea who approved this one. Check out Mama's hands when she is pushing the cart. Connected at the waist does not mean face-to-face.

Napster: They spent $2.80 on production of a $2.8 million dollar ad.

Lay's: MC Hammer. Not sure why he gets tossed back over the fence. Or what that has to do with chips.

Meal of Links

I missed the SAG Awards the other night. Here are the acceptance speeches that I missed.

I defy anyone to tell me that Paul McCartney was singing live at the Super Bowl. Only his "Thank you, Super Bowl" (Mr. Bowl, whoever you are) type comments were even close to being live.

That GoDaddy.com ad was actually supposed to run twice during the Super Bowl. Thanks Fox, for being my moral compass.

Exercise Yard

I thought the Super Bowl was an OK game. Boy, I'll never doubt T.O. again. We non-athletes sometimes underestimate a guy's will to win. The game was not even as close as the score indicated. Let's face it, "Nikki Cappelli" (GoDaddy.com commercial) dominated the first quarter. Donovan McNabb had two early turnovers taken back, one by replay and another by penalty. He didn't have a good game. But the Patriots dominated offensively from the second quarter until late in the 4th, when they took two three-and-outs. The score would have been higher, had not Brady fumbled inside the Eagles 10 in the second quarter. Apparently the Eagles were so good this year, they forgot how to run a two-minute offense. Maybe they never used it, but that last, long TD drive took way too much time.

Visitor

7 Down: Filmdom's Preminger (4 letters) Answer: Otto

"Keep matriculating the ball down the field, boys."

Note to ESPN2: When showing all of the Super Bowl highlight films, do not, under any circumstance, chop up SB IV highlights to get back on schedule. SB V would be much more appropriate. Especially with the 1:00 start time on SB V. Thank you. Idiots.

Hey, it's Super Sunday. The next election process should force both presidential candidates to pledge a national holiday on presidential election days and the day after the Super Bowl each year. I actually saw a speech John Edwards made yesterday and C-Span titled it "Road to the White House 2008".

Anyhow, today's game. Continuing that theme, the Eagles are the John Kerry of football. They beat up a bunch of pretenders in their own conference and are woefully inadequate when it comes time to face the real champ, the Patriots. The Pats are like a machine these days, absolutely thrashing their last two opponents and I look for a double-digit win from them today. It's the Pats minus the points.

Meal of Links

Here are all of the Super Bowl prop bets. How about Christian Fauria at 30-1 for the first TD scored?

There are only 5 writers who have covered every Super Bowl. Let's face it, you had to be at the first one and still breathing today. I heard Dr. Z from SI say he would have been in that group, but his editor sent him to a basketball game instead of SB I.

No one seems to know how Jacksonville got the Super Bowl this year, but from I've heard, it's a disaster down there. And I don't think anyone's gonna take the credit or blame on this one. With next year's game in Detroit, which may actually be warmer than Jacksonville this year, the commish can't wait for a warm weather site. Here's Tags on the state of the NFL.

Exercise Yard

Showtime, traditionally the weaker sister when it comes to boxing, had a most excellent card last night. In the opener, Monte Barrett beat the appropriately named Owen "What the Heck?" Beck in 9 rounds. An entertaining bout, because these heavyweights actually threw punches. Barrett survived an ugly cut for the KO.

In the main event, Zab "Super" Judah, given up for dead a while back, did what every boxer dreams of...whipping a guy on his home turf. He beat hometown hero, Cory Spinks (Leon's son), in nine rounds in front of the sold-out Savvis Center crowd in Saint Louis. Spinks, who was the undisputed champ, had arguably, the greatest entrance in the history of boxing. He likes to dance on his way to the ring, much like Prince Naseem Hamed used to do. He didn't just play a Nelly record, he had Nelly rap with him on the way to the ring! It was quite the spectacle. The crowd went nuts, Cory's dancin', Nelly's rappin', the belts paraded behind them, it was very cool. Judah's pacing around the ring while this is going on, sporting the thought bubbble, "I hate Nelly.". Then he KO'd Spinks in the ninth round.

Crowd was absolutlely stunned. Judah only took $100,000 for the fight, while Spinks got $1.2 million. Don King was happy, because he got a sell out in Saint Louis, of all places. Plus, Judah becomes marketable once more. Poor Cory. He was the Man, now it's a really tough division and he may not get it back.

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None, it's Super Sunday.

"I hate those guys."

The "day the music died" was Thursday. If that's the case, why do I have Heaven 17 cranked? Someone who did die on Thursday was Dean Wormer from "Animal House". Had the pleasure of seeing that on the big screen last summer and it is still really funny.

Made a return visit to the Town Fryer last night. They now have bands there on Friday night. Last night was a blues band and I think the singer/guitarist thought he was Clapton. In like, "Hey, I hit all the notes E.C. does, but why I am here?". Food rundown: Chips and salsa--good, fried chicken--good, cornbread--kinda disappointing, too dry.

Meal of Links

Phil Spector is hit with a wrongful death lawsuit. Freak out potential reaches new heights.

This week's version of "the Apprentice" was dopey. Both teams marketed Taster's Choice coffee to the citizens of NYC. In what appeared to be completely subjective criteria (you guys did a great job, but...), the Street Smarts won again. With the Book Smarts using words like "unorganized" and "mediocracy", maybe that shouldn't be a surprise. Although a Street Smart guy said "collegic" and I'm not sure if that is a word. Verna quit and Danny got fired. And Danny got to serenade us with his guitar one more time in the cab ride. Good riddance.

How did I miss last week's "Wrestle Reunion"? The Missing Link brought his own chair!

Exercise Yard

John Elway is now selling furniture.

Visitor

15 Across: Montgomery boycott co-organizer (9 letters) Answer: Abernathy

I went on a scouting mission at Big Lots today. Saw some beer glasses that I liked, but I need to go to one more store before I pounce. I hate that slogan, "Here Today, Gone Tomorrow" that they use, because it's true. The one on Broadview by PV is pretty clean, but they are always hurting for customers. So don't run out there and beat me to this purchase.

Meal of Links

The State of the Union is tonight at 9:00. Here are the rules for the 2005 Drinking Game.

The Bob Marley Party is starting in Ethiopia.

Yogi Berra sues Turner over the word "Yogasm". "It ain't over, til it's over."

Exercise Yard

Rudy T., a really good guy, had to resign the Laker job today. In his heyday, he had the best bank shot in the NBA. Pretty good coach, as well, with two titles in Houston. I suggest reading "The Punch" by John Feinstein to get a sense of the type of person he is.

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20 Across: Author born 2/2/1905 (7 letters) Answer: Ayn Rand

Today I saw a guy snap under the pressure of ordering at Quizno's, of all places. I was tooling around town listening to the Rhyme channel on XM. They were recapping rap battles of old. During the "Roxanne" sequence, I stopped at the local Quizno's. There is a certain way to order there, not like the Soup Nazi, but close. You can always tell a newbie, because they linger around the ordering station, when veterans order and move down the line. Side note, the guy smelled. So Cartman comes to mind with, "Mom, why do poor people always smell like sour milk?".

Anyhow, the guy is still in linger mode, and the sandwich maker asks him if it's to go. Everyone knows when your sammie exits the oven, they always ask, "Do you want lettuce?", so he has to answer that question, as well. Then the cashier asks, "Is that a combo or just a sandwich?". The guy, visbly upset at all the questions, explodes with "JUST THE SANDWICH!!!". Here we go. Cashier snaps back with, "I asked because I needed to know." So, the lettuce lady explained she was just doing her job. The guy paid and he took off. You knew he was a newbie, because his 21 cents of change was in the receptacle when I reached in for my change. I dutifully handed it to the cashier and said, "That's the type of guy who'll come back for this." BTW, their Baby Bob commercials blow.

Meal of Links

The Godfather lives in a new EA game. No Pacino though. "Where's Michael? We're not taking the picture without Michael."

A quick jury selection in the Michael Jackson trial. I think the jury I sat on took longer. Maybe there's lots of people out there with a free six months on their hands.

The Pope has a "breathing crisis". Can that be any more vague?

Exercise Yard

Dr. God is taking care of T.O. I would be absolutely shocked if he can play at full strength on Sunday.

Visitor

3 Down: President after Grant (5 letters) Answer: Hayes