I'd like to thank everyone for the birthday greetings and thoughtful gifts over the last several days. Don't know what I did to deserve such neat family and friends, but a major tip of the hat to all. It's humbling to be in such good company, even if I like a low-key birthday.

Since "What did you get?" is always a major question around these times, a few things stuck out. My brother coming through with some nice apparel, although my favorite niece doesn't know that word and called them t-shirts. I got books as well, can you believe it? Gale coming through with two awesome cards and the Clemente bio plus food! Big ups to Best Friend who came through with not only Hawaii items, but "Rugby Plane Crash in Andes" book, and the best gift one could hope for...an olive spoon! Which I will use to feed my imaginary dog that the neighborhood will learn to beware of, as the sign on my door soon indicates.

Meal of Links

Liz Taylor says, "I don't have Alzheimer's.". Then she thanked Jack Paar for having her on his TV show.

End of the Katie Couric era on "Today". Hilarious at the conclusion, as she kisses Matt Lauer, then Al Roker, but Ann Curry has to horn her way in there for a smooch. God, that woman is unbearable to watch.

This could be the last Taylor Hicks item for a while. Jeezy creezy, I already changed my mind. While doctors ponder what to do with the boy with three arms think of the possibilities for his future. Think what he could with semaphores, or hitchhiking, or churning butter.

Exercise Yard

Religion in sports is always a dicey topic. I'd like to think God is a sports fan, but being the Commissioner of All, it precludes him from rooting for one team or another. I doubt that he cares who wins. And I'd like to think there's more important issues for Him to deal with. Like wars and stuff.

But two items caught my eye recently, regarding Christianity and sports. One about Phil Savage, the other about the Colorado Rockies. It seems both are becoming more comfortable professing their Christianity. That's OK. But if you're successful, don't hand me any "God is on our side" drivel. Because it begs the question when you're in last place, "Where is your God now?"

Visitor

50 Across: FLIP (14 letters) Answer: Funnyman Wilson

It appears the Indians are floundering, but the Scott Sauerbeck case is silly. Not many good things happen at 3:45 a.m. Especially if your driver is drunk and she's not your wife. I'm guessing he was bombed, so he had his friend drive. She blows a .253, he's lucky he didn't have to participate. He apologizes to everyone, of course. Hiding in the bushes, good grief.

Meal of Links

Just what the world needs, itchier poison ivy. One would think that's not possible, but let's blame Bush.

Nobody beats "The Miz" anymore. Lite Beer commercial: "You can really work up a thirst even when you're just showing off."

The Microsoft-eBay talks leads to a whole bunch of what ifs about the culture of the Internet. Would a pioneering eBay be ruined under corporate Microsoft rule?

Exercise Yard

One of the great things about "the Internets" is that some of the websites for sports have been getting really good lately, like the Olympic website. You can add the FIFA World Cup site to the list. This thing is really cool, especially under the "Classic Football" link. My God, they have Johan Cruyff highlights!

And under the "Goal of the Century" list, you see Maradona scoring that goal vs. England. Right in front of Skip and I after the "Hand of God" goal. Becks is also in there, as is Baggio and Pele, of course. Also, Negrete of Mexico against Bulgaria...the loudest crowd I've ever been a part of. I get chills just thinkin' about it. 120,000 people going completely insane. Great site. Did I mention Johan Cruyff highlights?

Visitor

16 Across: Hershiser of baseball (4 letters) Answer: Orel (As opposed to other famous Bulldogs.)

I failed to mention that we made our first visit to the Brew Kettle on Friday. I didn't think it was that bad. Setup was a bit peculiar in that they have a decent-sized bar that kind of runs parallel to a bunch of booths that line the opposite wall. Where the bar ends, they have tables lining that wall.

Probably about 20 beers on tap, with a lot that have high alcohol by volume. I settled on a
Bell's Oberon Wheat. I think it was one of the lighter ones they had. Pretty good. Food was neat. I had to take a half a sammie home, but it was a good beef brisket with some horseradish on it. I think it's worth a visit if in the area.

Meal of Links

An Orange County diocese wants people to get off their knees during certain points of the Mass. I need to get off my ass and see what's going on at my local parish. It's been so long, I might not recognize what's going on. "In my day, they had you kneel for everything."

A look at the monuments of Washington. I guess the newer ones are not so good.

The Manhattan Solstice is a pretty cool thing. Next one is July 13.

Exercise Yard

I really think Mario Andretti could still drive at Indy if he wanted to, that's how much of a fan I am. It looks like the Andretti luck at Indy continues though, as grandson Marco loses on lap 200.

Thank God, I didn't participate in an Indy 500 drinking game, because I would have needed two days to recover. Many mentions of "The Greatest Spectacle in Racing", the Purdue University Marching Band, Jim Nabors and Mario.

Visitor

None, it was an Auto Racing Sunday.

"How I Spent My Memorial Day Weekend at Giant Eagle" or so it seemed. Today, I am here to tell you, I was the latest victim of the World's Worst Cashier. You see, my local Giant Eagle specializes in cashiers who believe it's the social hour, are ignorant, or plainly don't care.

I was in one line today behind a couple of nuns, until I discovered I was in the dreaded Chatty Cathy's queue. Because I figured an ecumenical conference was going to begin, I opted for the next line, which, of course, I soon regretted. This woman was the slowest, almost turtle-like in her execution. I felt like telling the new arrivals behind me, that when I got in line, it was Labor Day weekend. Good God! Granted, the woman in front of me had a lot of items.

When her final item, a pack of strawberries, was scanned, I started to do the happy dance. But wait, there's an issue. Oh no, price check! I collapse like Elaine Benes on the spot. Then the wait begins. Steve Miller pops into my head, "...time keeps on tickin', tickin, tickin', into the future...". The price comes back and the decision was made that it was scanned correctly. The mensa in line points to the screen and says that's not the price. Her fellow mensa, you know, the person who works there, says, yes, but see the line below, the discount is taken off right there. So, in effect, the cashier has asked for a price check on an item that has not only been scanned in correctly, but the correct price is staring both of them right in the face! I am stunned and utter aloud "You have GOT to be kidding me." Needless to say, after the death stare I gave, she sped from turtle to snail pace.

One more thing about the Iggle. The person who decided that they needed to provide a new type of bag was probably axed. Within the last 2 months, these geniuses started using bags that had the thickness of those rejects that Marc's uses all the time. You know the kind. The ones where if you actually wanted to suffocate someone by placing the bag over their head, they could still breathe, as if unmasked. The last two weeks, I'm sure after loads of complaints, they now put paper bags into your plastic ones for packing purposes. So, the cheapskate who suggested these bags to save money, is now costing them more money by having to use a ton of the paper bags. Look for the prices to go up on my Tomato Basil soup there.

Meal of Links

Looks like Gwen Stefani picked the wrong week to have a baby. Because some couple in Africa delivered one.

You never see much of Michael Jackson anymore. Unless it's time to pick up an award. Still looks creepy.

I knew about this, but failed to mention it. For those who absolutely hated those new Applebee's commercials, the chief marketing guy quit. I'm sure Giant Eagle Bag Guy is under consideration.

Exercise Yard

Tomorrow is a huge racing day. Monaco, Indy and Charlotte. It's also the day America asks the question, "Jim Nabors isn't dead?"

Visitor

16 Across: Nicks on records (6 letters) Answer: Stevie

We actually had rain accompanied by thunder and lightning today. Must be summer. I was looking through the calendar of events in the various local publications today and it's amazing how quickly the dates fill up. I have at least 4 concerts scheduled, the soon-to-be-released great movie with Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves in it (and guess who's going to that one with me?), Burning River Fest at a new location this year, another lunch from the student chefs at ICASI, Indians games and on and on. Always a great time of year.

Side note: It's around 11:00 p.m. and someone is currently doing roofing work by me. Cue "In The City" by Joe Walsh.

Meal of Links

Speaking of summer, it's time for the World Cup next month. Cannot go to Parnell's Pub anymore after the great Euro 2004 ripoff. But the Old Angle had their advert for all games in the local weeklies, as well. Watching soccer is not boring...beer is involved.

As I was listening to Radiohead today, do not forget WBWC, 88.3. The Summer Marathon Schedule. Blondie is up next.

The aforementioned Burning River Fest. Mmmm....beer. Gale and I had major fun here last year.

Exercise Yard

The Big House gets a major renovation. It was one of the most forward-thinking stadiums of its time, but gotta cram more people in there.

Visitor

16 Across: He follows the news (4 letters) Answer: Leno

"Somehow under the rainbow, I won my bet..."














Shaq with the "Soul Patrol, Soul Patrol, Soul Patrol, Soul Patrol..."

Best Friend was wrong on the "American Idol" bet by aligning with McPhee. It's not that she says she was wrong like Fonzie says it, it's that I get to say I was right...for once. My God, I was stuck with "Gray Charles" and he won. I think because Americans is stupid. From what I've been told, 64 million votes were cast. People, puh-leeze. Anyhow, I'd like to thank the Academy, all who voted for my guy, and go out and by his album when it drops later this year.

Now I get to plan the menu. She'll have crow, no doubt, and I'll think of something tasty. Trust me, it's easier on everyone that I won, and know from now on, when Taylor Hicks makes an appearance on TV, you'll know the source of the f-bombs in the background.

Meal of Links

I went to see "The Da Vinci Code" this evening, as the "A.I." pressure was unbearable. This is one of those "Gee, there's a hurricane coming, what's on cable?" kind of movies. Save your money. When you hear a line like "We need to get to a library fast!", it's an indication that this may not be very exciting. The Holy Grail was much better when Monty Python was involved.

Cate Blanchett is the young Bob Dylan in the Zimmy biopic. "Ah, you fake just like a woman..."

The FBI renews the search for Jimmy Hoffa. That has inspired brand-new Jimmy Hoffa Cupcakes. Looks like a handful.

Exercise Yard

Former Oakland pitcher Billy Koch and family has some sort of disease I don't want any part of. Boy, that's creepy.

Visitor

5 Down: US journalist Drew (7 letters) Answer: Pearson

"Make up your mind. Decide to walk with me. Around the lake tonight. Around the lake tonight. By my side."

I tried to imagine Taylor Hicks singing "Possum Kingdom" by the Toadies. Or some other song. I just couldn't. I can picture him hanging out with the Fantanas though.

Meal of Links

Pat Robertson claims he can do one-ton leg presses. He must drink those hallucinatory protein shakes with a flaxseed oil chaser.

Prince is the "World's Sexiest Vegetarian". Let's hope he doesn't eat these. White asparagus looks like somethin' else, eh?

The hurricane season never seems to end, does it?

Exercise Yard

I can't believe there is any controversy about saving Barbaro. He was saved a) because his owners could afford it. b) because, if saved, he's worth a lot of money. Claiming horse at Thistledown has been pushing up daisies for days already.

Visitor

64 Across: Actor Danson (3 letters) Answer: Ted

If you want to get angry, stay angry, or become even more angry about the war in Iraq, watch "Baghdad ER" on HBO. Perhaps the most gut wrenching hour of TV I've seen in a long time. You'll experience every emotion you have and appreciate the type of soldier we have even more. But in the end, these young people get maimed or die, for what?

Meal of Links

Taylor Hicks drops in on SNL. Again. The skit is not that funny. However, I've bet on this idiot.

A Trojan goes limp. With video.

Didn't have the guts to ask Barbaro about his injury. Let's take a look at his x-rays instead.

Exercise Yard

How would you like to write about the Kansas City Royals every day? Scott Elarton quote: "You get mad," he said. "We're just terrible. There are no two ways about it. We're pretty much bad in every facet of the game." Ouch.

Visitor

5 Across: Writer Roald (4 letters) Answer: Dahl

Lots of stuff going on. We have horses breaking legs (Barbaro), the Quaalude number was hit (Bonds hits 714), baseball fights (Sox-Cubs), and S. and I strolled over to Quicken Loans Arena to see Pearl Jam last night. It's the first time either of us had seen them. And the acoustics at the notoriously awful Q were not that bad, for a change. Maybe it was the seat location in the lowers at the South end. Methinks Vedder and the boys have their respective mojo back.

Stage Setup: Pretty sparse lighting with no video screens. Green "lasers" every once in a while, small ramps at either side of the stage. Oh, they had those strobes that'll put you in a coma if you're Japanese, but they were not used much.

The Crowd: Very reminiscent of a U2 crowd, meaning it's a huge sing-along for the most part. Vedder will hold the mike out at times or just stay silent and the crowd fills in the blanks. And I think the show started at 4:20. The crowd by us was choice. Couple to my immediate left may have dropped acid, for all I know, they sat the entire time and barely moved. Two rows down in the telescopics, a man wearing shorts, who I called "The Stomper", basically marched his way through the entire set, loudly banging his Doc Martens on the metal floor. The best guy and very difficult to describe was the "Yeah Yeah Yeah Guy" directly behind us. If this guy liked something, he would scream very fast, "Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeah...yeah...yeah...yay-yah." in a voice that sounded like he was one of the Gremlins, don't spill water on him. It was really funny. And he knew it was funny.

Eddie Vedder: Not much crowd interaction, probably because he doesn't need it, but he definitely has folks in the palm of his hand. During one extended guitar solo, he walked down a ramp and shared some of his beer by pouring it into a cup of an adoring fan (toast with eye contact). He smoked in a non-smoking arena. Tossed some tambourines into the crowd. Out of the Wrestling 101 Handbook to get a local pop, he said, "We have to go to Detroit next. We're not in a hurry to go.", obviously referencing Game 7, "Pistons suck." and all. But he may be completely insane. At the end, he shared a long-winded dream with us. One evening, he and his family were at an outdoor cafe with a full moon overhead. The moon suddenly exploded, shooting sparks in every direction. By this point, the crowd is restless. Yeah Yeah Yeah Guy says, "OK, Eddie. We get it. I hate the moon. Everyone does. Sing the fuckin' song." The exploding moon sends the world into chaos. You know, the tides, easier to hide behind the hedges, etc, or whatever the hell he said. By this point, I say, "Get to the point, Eddie. Do we have to vote or something?". Sure enough, the exploding moon reminded him of democracy and blah blah blah.

The Songs: The concert was really good and this was the Cleveland setlist. Some of my favorites like "Go" and "Spin The Black Circle" were played, so I was happy.

The Aftermath: Our way back to "ze auto" was disturbed by a young guy propped against a tree by the Osborn. He had one shoe off, so we go over to him, crouch down, and I say, "Are you OK?". It appeared to me, he got the worst end of a fight, kinda like Marco Antonio Barrera last night (BTW, I spied Eddie Murray in the crowd). Blood from the nose, cuts and bruises above and below the left eye. I dunno, could have been from a fall, I guess. We're asking him, "Do you want us to call anybody, do you need help?". He must have been at the Tribe game, because he had a few bobbleheads with him. He drunkenly and sadly tells us, "My friends all took off and they left me here." He insists he's OK and doesn't need any help. "No one cares about me." Aw, jeez, here we go. Then I start hearing loud, clear music and I say, "Do you have a radio?". "No, it's my cellphone." Yes, I am an idiot. Basically, we told him he was probably gonna have to get a friend to come by or move on, because I'm not sure if the police pull out the public drunkenness card in that situation. He gave me the drunken and sad thank you and goodbye handshake. As Ambassador, I found that very troubling. That guy was in no condition to defend himself if someone wanted his phone, wallet or bobbleheads. What kind of friends would do that, even if you're a repeat offender? One person has to take one for the team and help the dude out.

Meal of Links

Adam Curry. From MTV to being known as "The Podfather".

Ray Nagin is still the Mayor of The Big Easy. In a modern political oddity, he was outspent by a large number.

I can't believe Kobayashi may have a threat in competitive eating. Joey Chestnut ate 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Think how long it takes the average person to eat 50 dogs. That's even counting ballgames and picnics. Easily, months. Maybe a year or more. I wonder if there is a Pigs in a Blanket competition.

Hey, I've given money to this toll booth guy. They should have interviewed the cute lady out there. Woof.

Exercise Yard

I'm done with moral victories. Let's win one of these, eh? The Cavs lost Game 7 against the Pistons, 79-61. Boy, when they spit the bit, it goes far, as they made only 5 field goals in the second half. That's less than the amount of lucky weeks by Katharine McPhee on "American Idol". Not much to say, I'm depressed, doing laundry.

Visitor

None, it's a Game 7 Sunday.

Had a great time at the old ballyard last night. Friend of Best Friend provided us with their super seats behind home plate, the rain held off and the beer was cold. C.C. Sabathia must have wanted to see the end of the Cavs game, as he mowed down the Pirates, 4-1, in a very fast game, with a three hitter. This allowed us to see the end of said Cavs game, which they lost. I haven't really digested that one yet, because I have to take a longer look at it.

Things that may have been solved last night:

Polling randoms about "American Idol". I'd say that was split evenly, making me very apprehensive about Wednesday's finale.

The food "pigs in a blanket" means different things to different people. I subscribe to the hot dog surrounded by crescent roll definition. Others believe it's stuffed cabbage. Then there are others who believe it is sausage wrapped by pancakes. Amazing.

We got to play a version of "Gay or Not Gay" last night. This is a bit from BaD Radio on The Ticket in Dallas, a funny sports show. Anyhow, "Gay or Not Gay" involves the hosts determining if certain behaviors are gay or not gay. For instance, a guy has a small dog. He carries the dog around, not unlike Paris Hilton, but uses a manly Dewalt tool bag. Is that gay or not gay? Personally, that's gay, as a guy shouldn't be carrying around any sort of dog. You get the idea.

Mine were that I receive a hair appointment schedule from She Who Cuts My Hair at the beginning of each calendar year. We decided that was not gay. Admittedly, I was reluctant to do that for a while, but decided it's a good thing and you can make an argument with limited availability, convenient times, being busy, it's one less thing to deal with.

Sad to say, but I own an onion dome. An onion dome allows you to store an onion without stinkin' up the other foods. This, however, was determined to be totally gay. I had to hear things like "Haven't you heard of Tupperware?" or "Hello...Ziploc bag". Thank God, I do not own a cheese dome or an olive spoon. But I did admit to owning the cheese slice keeper. Mercifully, the topic was changed.

Meal of Links

Does Katharine McPhee's Angelino roots hurt her chances at victory? Here's hoping.

Man, we can't "Do the Freddy" anymore. Strangely, seeing this guy on TV singing "I'm Telling You Now" is one of my earliest memories.

Anheuser-Busch purchases Rolling Rock. It might spell the end of the Latrobe brewery. Goose Island might be next for A-B.

Exercise Yard

The Preakness is today. This has potential to be a really weak race, as the organizers struggled to get 9 horses to enter. Barbaro is the even money favorite. Not much potential for a big payday here. Let's hope a longshot moves late to pick up a piece.

The bet:

Barbaro to win
Barbaro over Greeley's Legacy in the exacta.

Visitor

43 Across: Oscar nominee for "The Godfather" (4 letters) Answer: Caan

Have you tried any of the artery cloggers from Mrs. Fields? I never tried them, but I understand they used to have Elmo and Cookie Monster cookies. They must have lost the licensing, because they don't make them anymore. Anyhow, it was a chocolate chip cookie with a bunch of icing on it in the colors of the characters.

I guess now they have decided to push these monstrosities that come in the shape of a pizza slice. Chocolate chip bar with alternating white and chocolate icing around the edges. I had a point of one of these today, a point I say, and thought I had enough sugar to last the month. Hard to believe a kid could handle these. What am I talking about, no way that they can.

Meal of Links

The Onion reports that World Cup fans are conducting practice soccer riots for Germany. The punchline is very funny.

The Weekly World News reports that a Dracula Dwarf is currently terrorizing Seattle. Best quote: "I've seen enough horror movies to know right away that this fanged, caped man was a vampire."

The Borowitz Report tells us the NSA was bothered by the increase in long distance calls this past Sunday. Completely forgetting that it was Mother's Day.

Exercise Yard














I like it.

Visitor

46 Down: Acid-tongued "American Idol" judge (5 letters) Answer: Simon

I think I'm in shock and awe and how appropriate to be listening to XM online with Devo playing "Gut Feeling". A Cleveland sports team delivered in what I thought was the "most important Cavs game in our collective lives". S. and I watched the game at the Ironwood Cafe and I was surprised the female population turned out as much as they did. It's always good to watch playoff hoops with a crowd. Even if they smoke. A lot.

Where do you begin? Drew Gooden seemingly on the bench since Monday, banks in the eventual game-winner with 30 seconds left. Eric Snow with a heads-up play, not only stealing the ball with under 10 seconds to go, but throwing it into the backcourt to waste even more time. Detroit tracks it down with only 1.9 seconds, calls time, and fails to deliver. LeBron James, oh, he's good, has the quietest 32 points you'd ever want to witness.

I can't believe we are on the edge of such a big upset, but the Pistons have been exposed as a perimeter team. It's amazing the Cavs with their weak defense were the ones to figure it out.

Meal of Links

Katharine touches her McPhees in this video (Click at bottom, prolly SFW). The article is correct, it's lame. The Ewok is now gone. Down to two. Uh-oh.

The Macca and his wife separate. At least she'll have a leg to stand on.

Central Park goes wireless. Hey, there's Bill Clinton downloading porn over there.

Exercise Yard

Remember when Curt Schilling threw 133 pitches against the Tribe on a cold night a few weeks back? You know, the effort that was a big WTF at the time? Since that game:

Four starts of 6, 7, 5 and 5.2 for 23.2 innings
31 hits and 17 earned runs in those 23.2 innings
7 homers given up
ERA has gone up from 2.60 to 4.17
Pitch counts of 98, 106, 100, 116
Somehow, two wins and only two losses

I guess what I'm saying is it's an even bigger WTF since that game.

Visitor

12 Down: Helicopter designer Sikorsky (4 letters) Answer: Igor

Today, I got to see my niece perform in athletics for the very first time. The sport is...soccer. You know, the one Dads hate until they have kids and get smart. Her team only had three that showed up, as attendance is not even close to being mandatory, once you get the "Tadpoles" t-shirt. So they let the kids run around with the instructors.

My analysis: Well, we have some work to do. Probably needs to cut down on her waving to the crowd. Her workrate could improve a bit. She reminds me of Bill Murray in "Stripes" when Sgt. Hulka asks, "Soldier, I've noticed that you're always last." Winger replies, "I'm pacing myself, Sergeant." Her head could be on a swivel much more, as she loses track of the ball. I'd say more Mia Farrow than Mia Hamm at this point, but it's early.

Meal of Links

Simon Cowell wants to kill me. I mean, how could he pick Taylor Hicks with two weeks to go on "AI"? Isn't Cowell disliked by many? What proper way to dis him then by VOTING THE OTHER WAY! In my best Ren, "You idiot!". This Best Friend bet is consuming me. Oh, she was admittedly prescient with her pick, but I seemed to be blissfully unaware of uttering the phrase "dinner, wherever you want." In my best Ren, "You idiot!" I actually had a nightmare involving flying to Chicago to pay up. Thank God it ended before I had a chance to be thrown up on.

The Raconteurs become a hot ticket this summer at HOB. I am there.

Barbaro, the Kentucky Derby winner, answers questions with a really freaky voice. I asked Barbaro if I would win my "American Idol" bet? He replied, "Probably not." Barbaro sucks.

Exercise Yard

First baseman Adam LaRoche of the Braves took his time getting to first base on Sunday for what would have been an inning-ending play. The runner was safe, Washington scores four runs in the inning and the Braves subsequently lose. Then we find out LaRoche has ADD. ADD then gets back in the spotlight. I cannot believe it is being looked on as an excuse. Not from LaRoche, mind you, but "experts".

Visitor

30 Down: Cartoonist Wilson (5 letters) Answer: Gahan

I finally figured out why my DVR service went out. Because the fine folks at Adelphia cancelled it. Are you kidding me? I got a call the other day, I think Thursday, that informed me the grandfather period was over and I needed to start paying for it. Hey, I thought I was already paying, but I'm not stopping it. Great, keep it going, say I. Then I notice "The Office" didn't record. Today I noticed the boxing (always DVR it, in case I miss it) didn't record, nor "PTI". WTF? So, I call. They tell me it was cancelled. Yep, they're still sharp over there. Strangely, if you have the box, you can still try and record things, as the light goes on, to trick you.

Meal of Links

This woman really hates Katharine McPhee. "Pod Girl"? "You're next! You're next!"

Giant Magazine has a list of the Top 39 Rock Movies (not on website). I was more interested in the concerts and docs listed, instead of straight movies like "School of Rock" or "Almost Famous". I scored very well. These were the ones I have:

1. "This Is Spinal Tap"--OK, it's a faux doc.
3. "Gimme Shelter"
8. "Metallica: Some Kind of Monster"
10. "The Work of Director Spike Jonze"
17. "The Kids Are Alright"
19. "No Direction Home"
26. "The Last Waltz"
36. "A Hard Day's Night"
39. "Talking Heads: Stop Making Sense"

Other gems I have seen, but don't own, include:

2. "The Decline of Western Civilzation"
11. "The Filth and the Fury: A Sex Pistols Film"

Notably absent:

"I Am Trying To Break Your Heart" about Wilco.

Joey Porter wants a refund from President Bush. When the Steelers visit 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in June, Joey's gonna chat him up and tell him he doesn't like the way he's running things. And he wants his money back.

Exercise Yard

Well, well, well. Looks like the Cavs are making a series of it against the Pistons. Maybe that second half of Game 2 was the defensive wakeup call they needed, after all. Makes you wonder if Dick Bavetta will get the call to ref Game 5. Bavetta typically would be in a situation to help LeBron win a game, but maybe he'll show up to ensure a Pistons win on Wednesday. The Cavs go to Saint Louis on Tuesday for the funeral of Larry Hughes' brother, then go to Detroit for Wednesday's Game 6.

Visitor

69 Across: "Taxi" actor Tony (5 letters) Answer: Danza

Happy Mother's Day to all of the Moms everywhere.

To show what influence a Mom can have on someone's life, here's the story of the Mom of Cavs guard Larry Hughes.

Meal of Links

Here is the broadcast network outlook for fall. Picking hits is still like the NFL draft. Nobody can hit on all shows each season.

Johnny Depp is again the best celebrity signer. Cameron Diaz should just refuse to sign, I think people understand that. Don't lecture fans that it's stupid. My Grandfather, on the other hand, always thought a handshake was better than an autograph.

A nice analysis of Charlie Kaufman. Next up, another Spike Jonze collaboration.

Exercise Yard

Last night was boxing night on Home Box Office. I watched the replay of the Grammy-nominated "Golden Boy", Oscar de la Hoya, against the cerifiably loco Ricardo "El Matador" Mayorga. No one brings the people, especially the women, to the fights like Oscar. And he didn't disappoint them. It had been a while since Oscar last fought, but Mayorga was picked as an opponent because he can sell tickets and has obvious flaws as a fighter. Emanuel Steward was all over Mayorga during the bout, calling him "an amateur fighter". Manny amended his comments this week by apologizing to all the amateurs, saying Mayorga was not even that good. Ouch.

This was one of Oscar's better weights at 154. He knocked down Mayorga in the first and controlled most of the bout, until he delivered a KO in the sixth. Hard to figure de la Hoya's next move. Could be retirement. Or he could see how the dominoes fall and perhaps fight Floyd Mayweather, Jr. in the fall. Mayweather is the current golden goose for everyone from 140 to 154, because it offers the best payday. Personally, I see Mayweather beating up on Oscar, but I'm not sure that'll happen.

In the live bout, Britain's Ricky Hatton made his much-hyped HBO debut (spirited away from Showtime) in Boston, moving up to 147, against Luis Collazo. I am not a Hatton fan. Don't get me wrong, when Hatton fights in Manchester, the electricity is unmatched anywhere. I just have doubts whether he would travel well. I think we got not an answer, but a hint as to what his future might be. Hatton got a 12-round decision, and benefited greatly from knocking down Collazo within 15 seconds of the start. That 10-8 round put Collazo in a hole he couldn't get out of. Hatton looked the worst of the two at the end, by far. His style of coming forward continually allowed Collazo to connect with many shots when he fired first. But Hatton could not lose his HBO debut, right? Hatton talks about his future and he mentions Gatti, Cotto and the ubiquitous Mayweather. Not sure about that. He fought at a higher weight against a southpaw and didn't deliver, given the hype. Lamps called it a "brilliant fight" at one point, and then noted his producer offered a strong correction to that statement. Hatton may have to stay at 140.

Two quotes from Don King, Collazo's promoter. During the fight: "We beat them in 1776 and it looks like we're doin' it again tonight." Before the decision: "Here we go. Here comes the trickery. John Quincy Adams is spinning in his grave." Doesn't King remember when HE used to get those decisions?

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None, it's Mother's Day.

If you head for the Gatorade this early, it can only mean one thing. Hangover. Or, judging by the clothes trail, there is a naked thief in my house.

While not betting the Derby last week, I was still jonesin' for some action. So, I've decided to make a wager on, of all things, "American Idol", a reality show I do not watch. Reality TV! I am currently developing a reality show where people survive racing to secluded destinations while singing. "Amazing Idol Survivors". Fox should be calling me back soon.

The bet. Best Friend has the lone female left, I have the two guys. Thanks to some prompting from Gale, here's the bet. If I win, Best Friend makes me a dinner of my choice. Cool, I like it. If she wins, she gets a dinner on me at a place of her choosing. OK, I'm thinkin' 5 courses for $5.95 at Arby's. At this point, I need someone on my team. Co-Conspirator gets involved in the conversation and tries to lend a helping hand. But, wait a minute. I tried to block out as many of the following words that crossed my path like tracer bullets: Wine, seven courses, tastings, wine with each course, Lodi, limo, Wooster Inn, $250 bottle of wine, Lola, chef cooks in your kitchen, expensive bottle of wine. I chose to remember simple things like, "no tie".

The contestants. Best Friend chooses the lovely Katharine McPhee. Since McPhee showed some cleavage a while back, she owns the one-handed voting bloc. I, on the other hand, have cast my lot with Taylor Hicks, a "Soul Patrol" spasmodic, and Elliott Yamin, apparently an Ewok. That about sums up the aura of the two bettors, wouldn't you say? But one of these two guys will win. I mean, they should win. I'd say they might win. Here's hoping they win. I dunno, can they win?

I'm hosed.

Meal of Links

Christ, an "American Idol" controversy. Just fix the votes for the two bozos I have.

It's the end of the line for Old Mother Hummer. Most other Hummers are still in vogue.

Granny beats off an alligator. Say that without thinking naughty things. Go ahead. Try it.

Exercise Yard

I guess there really was an ESPN stalker guy. Seems odd to base commercials on the concept now. Kinda creepy.

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43 Across: 2001 Wimbledon champ Ivanisevic (5 letters) Answer: Goran

Typically, when a DVR has the red button lit, it means, "Hello, I'm recording.". So, how come the finale of "The Office" didn't record? Crap. But I did watch it live. Very funny. Steve Carell wrote this one and when he announced he was going to "drop a deuce on everyone", I pert near fell off the chair. Of all the secrets that came out, I thought Creed being a thief was best. Now I know why on company ID day, he turned to his left after his head-on shot. Great stuff. And what are we up to now? Potentially four office romances? Sub Jim for Roy-Pam, Michael-Jan?, Ryan-Kelly, Dwight-Angela. Sheesh.

The writing was really crisp this year and now a whole bunch of possibilities have reared their respective ugly heads. I would say most folks want Jim and Pam to be together, but would that ruin the show, kind of what "Cheers" went through. Hopefully, it's not like Redford at the end of "The Candidate" saying, "Now what?". My hope is that Roy becomes the new "Richie Cunningham's older brother, Chuck". Still, part of me wants to see Kevin play at the wedding in that Police cover band, "Scrantonicity".

Meal of Links

Here's what happens when you hang out with Bill Murray. Rick Sutcliffe visits his old San Diego Padre broadcast team. Unfortunately, he shows up late in the game and he's bombed.

And we thought Triv was bad.

The antics of Tom Cruise didn't hurt the box office of his last movie. But it looks like "MI:3" may be a different story.

Exercise Yard

Nobody can break down a basketball game like Charley Rosen, as he does here with the Clippers and Suns. The question on Fox Radio on Czaban's show this a.m., was that no one knew what "sinking the big man" meant. Then, of course, Czabe hit a sound bite of a toilet flushing and it all became clearer somehow.

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48 Across: Sultry singer Simone (4 letters) Answer: Nina

Doesn't it seem odd, that in the tabloid era we live in, no one seems to know what's really going on with Keith Richards. Yes, I know the publicists and spokespeople are telling us he's OK, but we still don't have lots of details. OK, we know Keef got hurt a couple of weeks ago. I heard he fell out of a coconut tree and I also heard it was a jet-ski accident. Rumor had it that he and Ron Wood were climbing trees. Somehow he fell and hit his head, causing an injury. That we know.

After a few days in the hospital (this happened in New Zealand, BTW), he was released. There was actually a rumor that he was coming to the Cleveland Clinic for further observation. After complaining of headaches, he was readmitted, where he had a procedure done to release pressure on his brain. I happen to like Keith a lot, so I'm just wondering if we are being handed a load of shit taken from the Lurther Vandross playbook. You remember that, where Luther was singing duets with Patti Labelle shortly after his stroke. Jeepers.

Now rumors are starting that Richards can't play live with the band anymore. And now, he's just been released again from the hospital. Tell Anderson Cooper to book a flight to Auckland already, this is killing me.

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Strikeouts for Troops is a neat way to donate to disabled war veterans. Think of it as Fantasy stats for a good cause.

David Bowie will curate the High Line Festival in NYC next year. I'm anxious to see who he can line up for the event.

Breaking news: Women like men who like kids. Stunning.

Exercise Yard

You turn your head away for a few seconds to find out the Indians really suck. They lost today to the Royals, resulting in a sweep by KC. The Royals have won only 10 games this year, half of those against the Tribe. The Tribe hitting remains strong, but the pitching. Yikes!

Today, Hello Mota stayed in the game too long to die and gave up two homers. And Jake Westbrook didn't pitch that great either, seemingly becoming a five-inning pitcher before our eyes. Off day tomorrow. Gotta believe a move will be made, even if it's Danny Graves getting released.

Next up: The resurgent Detroit Tigers, followed by the suddenly pain-inflicting Royals.

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57 Across Down: 17-Across costar in "Silk Stockings" (11 letters) Answer: Cyd Charisse (BTW, 17-Across is Fred Astaire)

I don't have much to say today, so a word from our sponsor. I guess I could "pimp ze auto", but here's the American Express ad from Wes Anderson.

Meal of Links

Charles Barkley tries to outdo David Blaine. The Chuckster lasts less than 30 seconds. High comedy.

Friends Chuck and Maggie are moving to America's smartest city. Most would think they would be moving back here, but no, it's to Nashville.













Sports clothes for chick fans.

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What can one possibly say about Game 2 of the Cavs-Pistons series. It took 6 quarters for some semblance of professional pride to kick in for our squad, after falling way behind after a miserable half once again. Hard to judge the second half. Were the Cavs selling out on defense, converting opportunities, and generally playing better? Or were the Pistons supremely confident, perhaps put to sleep by the lethargic play of the Cavaliers, or legitimately hitting a downturn in concentration and resultant overall play? I mean the Cavs outrebounded Detroit, 51-38 (offensively, 13-5), a stat I always look to when considering how bad a team wants it.

One thing the Cavs did do, was force the Piston starters to play a lot of minutes. However, with Game 3 not until Saturday, it doesn't mean a whole lot. Regardless, the Cavs lose Game 2, 97-91, in a game that was not as close as the score indicated.

Scoop Jackson, for one, remains a witness.

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47 Across: "____ the Explorer": kids' TV show (4 letters) Answer: Dora

Well, that's another chunk of time I'll never get back. Yes, indeedy-doody, I was sucked in to watch "David Blaine: Almost Drowned" on ABC. You knew big-time status was bestowed on the event when ESPN's own Stuart Scott handled the hosting duties. Schtew! God, is he bad. Confirming that it was a big-time stunt, there was one sign. Remember when NBC covered football and the sign, "Nobody Beats Cleveland" would appear at the old Stadium? Some clown had a sign, "Again Blaine Cheats death".

Anyhow, it was two hours leading up to the dramatic stunt where Blaine is holding his breath underwater, while freeing himself from chains around his hands and feet. They should have played some Alice in Chains music. Of course, divers and medical staff are at the ready, in case he drowns or dies or I throw something at the TV.

The first 90 minutes was basically a heaping pile of crap. Various segments showed Blaine getting in shape for the stunt. Things like visiting the Louisiana State Pen to see what it's like to be confined. They should have made him watch 90 minutes of Jenna Elfman to see what agony really is. You know he reached the outer limits of my sanity when he drags Evel Knievel out of storage. While we listen to Evel expound once again on what it takes to be a daredevil, Blaine holds his breath for five minutes while lying down on Knievel's davenport. The irony of Evel hooked up to an oxygen tank was not lost on me. As Stu says, keep in mind, it's easier to hold your breath underwater than on dry land. I half expected Aquaman to show up for a cameo.

Then the stunt...lemme explain the use of the word stunt. First of all, they aren't gonna let him die or come close to drowning. Secondly, think of all the freedivers out there. Don't you think that that community would be a bit perturbed if a rank amateur breaks their world record in some manufactured episode. I'm reminded of the old Franklin Ajaye joke about the Olympic Marathon. He said just imagine this guy trains and trains and trains and he comes in last in the marathon. Then he says, "I coulda done that and I wouldn't of wasted all that time trainin'." Thirdly, I don't trust the guy. He says he levitates, I ain't buyin' it. However, I love his card tricks. Today's coolest was, after picking a card, the card would call you on your cellphone. Seriously, a call from "Five of Diamonds" would appear as the call you just missed.

So, it's time for the stunt. Blaine goes to 7:08, before the divers go in to save him. The record, sadly, was 8:59. Incredibly, no one has a robe or blanket as Blaine is pulled from the tank and given oxygen. Towels, mind you, towels arrive on the scene. Somehow, adding to my skepticism, he is able to address the crowd, walk gingerly down the ladder and go slowly toward the medical area. While on the air, he still hasn't had his vitals checked, sat down, or done any of the obvious things someone would do after spending a week in the tank, like heading to the potty.

Shtew ends up by saying although he didn't break the record, we have never seen such a feat of endurance. He should have been at home, watching it on TV. That was the real endurance feat.

Meal of Links

Would you buy a house from this guy? I guess cloning funded his retirement.

Some in Namibia think that having Jolie and Pitt around will boost tourism. They are insane.

Silicon Graphics files for Chapter 11. I love this blunt headline.

Exercise Yard

I have Tom Gordon on my fantasy baseball team. Since then, I have become "The Man Who Loved Tom Gordon".

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15 Across: Harvey of "The Piano" (6 letters) Answer: Keitel

It's the first weekend in May and what can that mean? Not only was it time for the Kentucky Derby, it's also time for the Senior Olympics. For the first time in eons, I was off the Derby Trail this year. I fell behind in my viewing of the prep races, as I was in Hawaii for the first two weekends and never got caught up. So, I really was unaware of who was good or who was bad. I thought Barbaro looked pretty good in winning the Derby by 6.5 lengths, but I'm not convinced the field was that great.

Much like Burgess Meredith in Rocky, I am in charge of training my Dad for this year's Senior Olympics. He finally got a medal last year by winning the foul shooting contest, using the underhanded-Rick Barry style. Last night, my brother and I accompanied him to the training table provided by a dinner at Sokolowski's, the true Breakfast of Champions. Humongous portions followed by that ubiquitous piece of pie, always gets everyone in shape for the upcoming week. Today, we went through some foul shooting drills and I think our chucker has a chance at a medal again this year. I think darts, miniature golf, perhaps billiards and maybe polo or something are also on the event list.

Meal of Links

Don't forget, David Blaine may die on TV tomorrow. Let's see if he can break out of those chains before expiring.

The benefits of Melatonin may actually be true. Especially if you work the gravyard shift.

Smith & Wesson makes a comeback with a product that has three times the muzzle energy of the "most powerful handgun in the world." "You've got to ask yourself a question...do I feel lucky?"

Exercise Yard

Maybe I should not have been disappointed in not securing some Cavs Round 2 playoff tickets. They certainly showed in the regular season they don't match up well with the Pistons, and it continued today. Not much to say, just an awful game. I'm sure the excuses will point toward the short layoff between series, followed by a Game 1 road game. Would an extra day have helped? Maybe, but the result would have been the same. They need to get over this one quickly. The Cavs lose, 113-86.

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None, it's Sunday.

We'll miss you, Scott!

You really can't celebrate Cinco de Mayo at a Mexican-for-a-day place. We started the evening with a visit, finally, to McNulty's bier markt. It was not crowded, even though there were $2 Coronas and Modelos. I like this place already. A pretty cool vibe, non-smoking in the front, and a damn good selection of beers. About 15 or so on tap. They do not have much of a kitchen yet and have started offering items from the Phnom Penh restaurant across the street. But they have these baguettes, which looked pretty good. I guess you can get cheese or meat items with them. I had a couple of Blue Moons which were only $2.50 during Happy Hour, which are cheaper than the Michelob Ultras. I didn't have any Witte, not Whitey, which is also available. Definitely will go back. Man, 25th Street is really coming alive.

Then we headed out east to one of my faves, La Fiesta, next to, but not in, the Richmond Mall. It was packed for the occasion, because of Cinco de Mayo falling on the weekend. I opted for the shredded pork burritos, so I can have lunch the next day. It was very good. And we even got to see the end of the end of the Cavs game with Gilbert F. Arenas hitting that bomb to tie the game at the end of regulation. Then it was cool to hear Joe Tait call the OT on the way back home. It's been a while since something good happened to a Cleveland team.

Meal of Links

Mary Magdalene, even at her age, is still gettin' it done.

Porter Goss resigns as head of the CIA. They change leaders like the NBA changes coaches. Some think he may be under investigation from the Duke Cunningham scandal. After all, it was his committee.

Fidel Castro really gets mad when we find out he's rich. He has more cash than the Queen.

Exercise Yard

The Cavs actually won a playoff series yesterday. To show how prophetic I was, I said, "What the hell is Damon Jones doing out there? Washington...he's a decoy, don't guard him." Doh! All the grief we had to put up with from Jones this year was erased with that shot. I even tried to get playoff tickets this a.m., but they mysteriously sold out rather quickly, as I think there was Ticketmaster hanky panky going on.

We don't get much time to think about Detroit, as we already start that series tomorrow. That is not going to be pretty. I think we should be happy to get one game from Detroit, because they actually contest shots and foul hard and do all the little things you need during the playoffs.

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42 Across: Lloyd or Paul of Cooperstown (5 letters) Answer: Waner

I have tomorrow off. Not to celebrate Cince de Mayo (which will happen later in the day), but to have my auto maintained. However, this is the last night I'm sleeping on whether or not to get a dog. I have to decide what's fair for the dog, if I'm not around a lot, etc. So, that decision is forthcoming. Teddy is still breathing at the APL.

LeBron keeps ruining my reading habits. I'm still trying to get through Harvey Araton's hoops book, which is only 191 pages. But, damn if I don't start reading during the games and then LeBron or Gilbert Arenas do something to make me keep watching the game. I love the Cavs, but I think it'll go to a game 7. Let's face it, LeBron has saved our bacon by pulling two games out of the fire late, it's not as if we are dominating the Wizards.

Good stuff musicwise lately. Gnarls Barkley has the "St. Elsewhere" album out. This has "Crazy", which I'm hearing on XM already, and a "Gone Daddy Gone" cover of the Violent Femmes tune. The Red Hot Chili Peppers have their release out this Tuesday, I believe. I love "Dani California" with its geography lesson. "Black bandana, sweet Louisiana, robbin' on a bank in the state of the Indiana." And Pearl Jam becomes relevant again with the oddly named "Pearl Jam" album.

Meal of Links

"And you want to be my latex salesman." "Why no T-Bone?"

Soda manufacturers are to remove sugary pop from high schools. I gotta believe Diet Mountain Dew will climb the sales charts. But I did notice "sport drinks" are still legal. Let's watch what falls under that category within four years.

And, once again, Cinco de Mayo is not Mexican Independence Day. May 4th, however, still lives on.

Exercise Yard

Cory Lidle rips into Barry Bonds. Probably many people are asking, "Who the hell is Cory Lidle and what do we care what he thinks?"

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22 Across: Rocker Nugent (3 letters) Answer: Ted

Today was Ohio Primary Day. I always vote and today was special, because it was the first time I was able to use the dreaded Diebold machine. First of all, Jimmy Carter's mother was still handling my sign-in book. My God, that woman must be 98 by now. Her age is still more than her three co-workers combined. Obviously with the machines in use, the need for older folks who sit there, drink coffee, and eat donuts has waned a bit. Of course, I still have to show here where my name is in the book, as she stumbles through every page execpt the one I'm on. As soon as she finds it, I say "Right there." and point to it. Every goddamn election.

I thought the machines were great as I got through my votes pretty quickly. Sure, there could be fraud, although it would be of the hacking variety, I guess. All in all, I liked the process. Screen size was good, graphics clear, directions AOK. The only problem I had was that the screens were elevated, so I could clearly see what the people in front of me were selecting. If I'm writing in "Mickey Mouse", that could be a problem.

Meal of Links

I've tried lots of Ken's Salad Dressings. The newest one is Lite Asian Sesame with Ginger and Soy. A bit salty, but I like it a lot.

AMC Theatres announced that part of their chain will become AMC Select. That brand will have screens set aside for Indie films. Having said that, odds are the AMC at Richmond Mall (yes, they took over Loew's a while back) will be the local site. Let's see if that's true.

Katie Holmes is already slimming down. Tom Cruise will probably have a weigh-in instead of a rehearsal dinner before the wedding.

Exercise Yard

Last week's PGA Tour stop was in Nawlins. The adventures of the winner of the event, Chris Couch, show that the city might be back to normal.

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47 Across: Anderson on "Baywatch" (6 letters) Answer: Pamela

I watched "Casablanca" again this evening. I can't put a number on how many times I've seen it, but I've seen this one a lot. I like the Claude Rains character, Captain Renault, because I always thought he had the funniest damn lines. You know, from "Round up the usual suspects." to "She was asking about you earlier in a way that made me very jealous" to "I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!" He cracks me up all the time. I liked it when Strasser asks Bogie what his nationality is, and he answers that he's a drunkard. Renault says, "That makes Rick a citizen of the world." Very clever.

Other thoughts. Sydney Greenstreet looks pretty cool in a fez. Fez is a neat word and a very underrated hat. And if Victor Laszlo didn't want to be followed when he went to the Underground meeting, how come he wore a light-colored suit and a hat? Could never figure that one out.

Anyhow, Turner Classic Movies is running an unbelievable list of 12 movies with great screenplays today and tomorrow. Sadly, I only found out about it today. I wish I was ill, because "Sullivan's Travels", "The Philadelphia Story" and "His Girl Friday" are being run consecutively tomorrow morning. The humor in those films still holds up. Aaaargh!

Turner also has the War Movie Marathon over Memorial Day weekend. Gots to check that out.

Meal of Links

It's not very often you see the word "testicles" in a headline. Especially one about the NBA. Evans was later fined $10,000 big ones.

Glenn Ford is now 90. When one of the quotes is "Dad has had a series of mini-strokes starting 15 years ago.", you have to wonder about Glenn Ford reaching 91.

The New Orleans Jazzfest concluded its first weekend. More this week.

Exercise Yard

Well, lookee here. The Browns got a grade of A+ for their draft. One of only two A's in the NFL.

Visitor

55 Across: Dutch Renaissance scholar (7 letters) Answer: Erasmus