I celebrated my niece's birthday today, albeit a couple of days late. Yep, Linda Blair (because she's so devilish) is now this many (holding up four fingers). She made no bones about me being tardy, as we discussed this yesterday over the phone.

Kind Uncle: "How was your birthday?"
Linda Blair: "Fine."
Kind Uncle: "Did you get lots of presents?"
Linda Blair: "Well, not exactly."
Kind Uncle: "Whaddaya mean, not exactly?"
Linda Blair: "Well, YOU didn't get me anything."

Ouch.

Anyhow, today I witnessed her put glitter and glue and Hi-C into her ice cream and we played some games tonight. Fun times for all. Make no mistake, I kicked her ass in some sort of Hungry Frogs game, but she cheated. And some how in her world, nine is greater than ten. But I know God was watching and that's all that matters to me as far as my Won-Loss record goes.

But she left me with this bit of advice. "Remember, when you go to the bathroom, never let them see your peepee." A credo we can all follow.

Meal of Links

The Gawker Stalker Map is terrific. How else would you know that Andy Rooney was seen eating sushi with Hideki Matsui?

Naomi Campbell keeps throwing shit at the help. That's not very nice.

The Replacements are back! Well, kind of, sort of.

Exercise Yard

Buster Olney's Blog on ESPN.com is one of the best. Today, he rips MLB's steroids probe. Rightfully so. I'm sure the commisssioner is going to get the answers to some tricky questions. Namely, why did the Lords of the Game turn their heads away from rampant steroid use for all those years?

Visitor

15 Across: Four-time Formula One champion Prost (5 letters) Answer: Alain

Step away for a bit and lots of things come to mind.

First of all, I see that Larry the Cable Guy has a new movie out. I have learned to really dislike this guy. I don't mind lowbrow (suited monkeys, anyone?), but this guy's act strikes me as being quite stupid. But can someone explain why in this movie, he's not a cable guy, but a health inspector? It would be as if Dracula looked the same, but acts like Frankenstein. I don't git it.

I also like saying, "Hello, Moto". Thought I'd sneak that in.

The State of Ohio has provided me with a PB (Personal Best) in supplying me with my tax refund check. Incredibly, I got the check 10 days after I submitted the return. Obviously, e-filing helps, but damn, that was quick.

I have in my hands a survey from our friends at the Ohio Turnpike Commission. Sure, it asks the obvious questions about length of time to get through the toll booth, is it easier one way versus another, etc. But the crux of the survey for me were questions pertaining to some sort of "E-ZPass" they might be considering. Keep in mind, I already have the Ready Toll card where you don't have to search for coin every day. You still have to give a toll worker your card and ticket and they swipe the card and send you on your way. Fairly archaic, I'd say. Having said that, here are the actual questions regarding electronic methods and my responses. They want you to check Likely, Somewhat Likely or Not Likely to use (my choices are obvious):

1. Insert ticket and an Ohio Turnpike Ready Toll Card into a self-service toll payment machine similar to a bank ATM. (ARE YOU KIDDING?)

2. Insert ticket and a debit/credit card (VISA, MasterCard, AMEX or Discover) into a self-service toll payment machine similar to a bank ATM. (COME ON!)

3.Use an elctronic transponder (E-ZPass, iPASS, etc,) with a prepaid amount. (WELCOME TO THE TWENTIETH CENTURY)

Idiots, I tell you.

Last night finished my tour of duty with the NCAA Women's Regional. Before and aft HQ turned out to be Flannery's. And since it wasn't St. Pat's, we didn't see anyone urinating oustide their windows. However, I happened to have my ears open and heard about their operations. They are owned by MRN Ltd., which we knew, who happens to own most of the East 4th block these days. Flannery's itself is being run by Trifecta Management Group and they have done a decent job of upgrading the TVs and the menu. You may recognize the Trifecta name because they are the group that is going to operate the bowling alley on 4th when that opens. Not just any lanes, but the kind Uncle Joe likes. You know, black lights, volume-turned-to-15 rock music, and martinis.

Meal of Links

How did we not hear that Nikolai Volkoff is running for a Maryland state office? "USA hack-ptooey." OK, that wasn't him, but he would have said it, if the Iron Sheik hadn't beaten him to it. Sounds like he has to reject his past.

"Arrested Development" finally passes away. So sad.

("Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over-an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist."

"You must teach me, George Michael. You must teach me the ways of the secular flesh."

[Tobias has painted himself blue]
Tobias: "I blue myself."
Michael: "There has got to be a better way to say that.")

Call him Sir Tom Jones from now on. I think he's getting together with the Tower of Power horns on a tour. I thought last year's horn section provided a pretty nice gig for that bunch.

Exercise Yard

North Carolina beat Tennessee last night to advance to the Women's Final Four. The Tar Heels completely flummoxed Tennessee and thank God, that kept "Rocky Top" under wraps for the most part. After watching three games up close, I have cracked the code regarding women's college hoops. Find a point guard who doesn't make as many mistakes as your opponent's point guard. That's why Ivory Latta and North Carolina have lost only one game this season. Sure, she makes mistakes. But maybe 10% of the time, as opposed to the other point guards who commit awful plays at about a 25% rate.

Most point guards have the ability to drive the lane. But what happens after that is the most frustrating aspect of the women's game. They get caught down low and have absolutely no clue where the ball is going next. Except for Latta, who always seems to find a teammate. Not just any teammate, but someone who is open and can do something after getting the ball. I can't count how many times I saw someone drive the lane, get caught airborne or after picking up their dribble, deliver some wildass shot over their head or try to pass through a human forest to their teammate. The pass would either be deflected and not reach the intended target or the spacing was so bad, the drive and subsequent pass would draw the defense to the teammate and result in nothing. There you have it, coaches, free advice.

Visitor

62 Across: He played Signor Emanuel Ravelli in "Animal Crackers" (9 letters) Answer: Chico Marx

Even the players can't believe there wasn't any beer at the Q!

I attended the NCAA Women's Cleveland Regional yesterday. S. and I started with brunch at the Waterstreet Grill on West 9th. You must go there. Man, this place was jumping for a Sunday morning and the food was pretty good.

So, we head over to Quicken Loans Arena for the Noon start to Tennessee-Rutgers. Thirsty for a beer, we were informed that they were not selling beer at this particular stand. I thought it stupid and asked a guy in a tux (I assumed he worked there) if they were selling beer anywhere in the joint and he said no, it was an NCAA event. Whoops. Hello, Sierra Mist.

The first game was kind of a dull affair as Rutgers slowdown style didn't match up with Tennessee at all. Candace Parker of dunking fame and UT's point guard each poured in a ton of points. Rutgers blew pretty much every opportunity handed to them along the way. It was so dull we had an over/under bet on how many times the UT band would play "Rocky Top".

The second game was more of my liking as Purdue almost beat #1 North Carolina. Purdue had the best band, best cheerleaders and best fans there. I think the band's version of "Hey Ya" by Outkast did it for me. Although, UNC's band played "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers. Ivory Latta, the drama queen pictured above, won the game for the Heels with a layup with 2 seconds left. Then cramped up (allegedly) as she had to be carried off the court. Most thought, well, she blew out a knee or something. No, just a calf cramp. Sorry to be such an attention whore.

As a matter of fact, as we were walking back after catching the end of the George Mason-UConn game and watching Florida-Villanova (at the Hairy Buffalo, with many lesbians), we bumped into some UNC ladies as they were exiting from Johnny's. Gee, I guess they are on the NCAA's dime while in town, eh? Anyhow, I asked this very tall woman (I'm guessin' 6'4") if their teammate was doing fine. She replied, "Yes, it was just a cramp." My next line to her was "Is she always that dramatic?". Ouch. Killer look, followed by dead air. At least the other teammate chuckled a bit. We wished them luck and quickly moved on. I was actually worried they would follow me. Even though they were young, it appeared they could quite easily whip my ass.

Meal of Links

Anthony Bourdain:No Reservations returns to the Travel Channel tonight at 9:00. These shows are always entertaining.

Hey, they made a healthy pig. Tastes like chicken.

Everyone's talking about "The Colbert Report". After he hosts the White House Correspondents Dinner in April, more people will be talking about him.

Exercise Yard

I got my application for Browns season tickets over the weekend. No price increase this year. I asume that large increase comes after the next playoff year, whenever that will be.

Visitor

30 Down: Loren of "Houseboat" (6 letters) Answer: Sophia

I visited She Who Cuts My Hair this morning to find her shop was one of eight that provided the subject matter of a doc at the Cleveland Film Festival. It had its world premiere today and no, I was not in it.

We imported sushi from Ginza to Alesci's last night. Seven of us just mauling a ton of stuff. There is nothing that makes me more piggish than sifting through that stuff to make sure you get your favorites. It was land speed record through a meal. No time for palate-cleaning either, it's on to the next item. Pronto.

Meal of Links

Randy Quaid says he got fleeced on "Brokeback Mountain". Sounds very sheepish. Looks like he had the wool pulled over his eyes. I guess it went very baa-a-a-a-ad for him.

Tim Hortons stock is hotter than his doughnuts.

The Delphi employee buyouts from GM offer some tough choices. It appears the most junior of those impacted should take the cash.

Exercise Yard













Hard to believe this guy (George Mason) has a shot at the Final Four. Somewhere, Jack Bauer is angry.

For those who really like college basketball team stats. Good stuff here.

Visitor

20 Across: First name in horror (3 letters) Answer: Lon

Duke loses and there goes my pool, fluttering away in the breeze as it does each spring. Not even a Duke fan, and I picked them. A very uncharacteristic effort on offense by the Blue Devils, as they scored their season low. The LSU coach can't coach his way out of a paper bag, yet has won three games in this tournament. I don't see them winning six for the title. Memphis looked awfully good tonight and no one speaks of them.

Meal of Links

Phil Spector has to wait a little bit longer before his trial begins. The fro may be back by then.

It looks like global warming is leading to rising ocean levels. Did I mention I was in Hawaii lately? The water seemed a proper level to me.

Everyone wants to be Mayor of Nawlins. Here comes the mud.

Exercise Yard

When you hit a ball into the water at the 17th hole at Sawgrass, someone makes money later on. By recovering the lost balls, which is now a $200 million business.

Visitor

17 Across: US Steel cofounder (15 letters) Answer: J. Pierpont Morgan

As I was walking this evening, I think I saw an escapee from the Animal Hospital (Prison?) nearby. It was a cat. Now it didn't have denim overalls on or was dragging any handcuffs (pawcuffs?) but it gave the appearance that it was on the lam. If confronted, I didn't know if I would turn him in or point in the opposite direction to help. Then I figured the cat would not have cared what I would have done. So I didn't care anymore either.

Remember the Vanity Fair issue where Teri Hatcher admits she was an abused child? Didn't that story come out like three weeks ago.? Hell, I just got my magazine this week. WTF? Are they leaking these stories when they go to the printer or even earlier? Can I ask any more questions in this paragraph? Sheesh.

Meal of Links

This is as close to a Bell, Biv, DeVoe Reunion that we're gonna get. Pink Floyd, be damned.

Sushi at Wal-Mart? I don't think that'll fly. That's like the high-end coffee at McDonalds. Who cares?

In my first appointment television in a long time, I watched tonight's "Chef Returns!" episode of "South Park". I laughed, it was ingenious.

Exercise Yard

If you wanna keep up on things in the world of tennis, always give Jon Wertheim's Mailbag a look. It's still on my Favorites List.

Visitor

52 Across: Actor in "Beverly Hills Cop" films (13 letters) Answer: Judge Reinhold

Before I became too obsessed with Goldfish Cam, I headed outside this evening for a walk. Jeezy creezy, is it cold today. I'm not sure if March has been a lamb or a lion, but today it's a polar bear.

I think the big news and maybe it's not that big, is that President Bush finally said what we all knew. Complete troop withdrawal from Iraq will be the work of future Presidents. Even Helen Thomas got to ask a question at today's press conference and then got shushed a bunch of times by W. Probably a setup, and even if they were acting, it was a moment where both parties seemed like humans for a change.

Meal of Links

A dancer from "Movin' Out" is suing the production company. Seems her breasts grew larger and they fired her. Allegedly. What makes me laugh is it's reported by some one named Nefertiti.

It's Eddie Money's birthday! Suddenly I have an urge for ribs.

Somewhere there is an airline worker with lots of bags at his house.

Exercise Yard

The latest British boxing sensation. He's British, Paskistani and a Muslim. And the fans love him.

Visitor

13 Down: Insurrectionist Nat (6 letters) Answer: Turner

Bradley! For cryin' out loud, Bradley!




















After being in the double bonus for most of the weekend, here are some things I've read (yes, I read a lot) or noticed:

Luke Winn of SI had an interesting note on team defense for the NCAA Tournament. Something to look at for next year's bracket's obviously. Check it out, the 6 teams seeded 2-6 with defense efficiencies outside of the Top 75 were: Gonzaga, BC, Michigan State, Tennessee, Oklahoma, West Virginia. MSU (1st round), Tennessee (2nd round), Oklahoma (1st round) are already at home. Gonzaga has played two games and gave up 75 and 80. BC kept Montana close in round 2 for a half. Only WVU seems to be defying the odds. The ride will end soon for the remaining three, I would say.

I rarely agree with Roger Brown, but I cannot patronize Applebee's after that godawful "Gilligan" commercial. Who greenlights that crap? Might be tolerable, but the "tour" pronunciation puts it over the top. And Papa John's "We Got The Meat" ain't much better.

Mike Davis is done at Indiana, and this guy is happy.

My favorite Bill Raftery Quote of the Day: "He uses his derriere better than anyone in the country...and he's not even a dancer."

Billy Gillispie talks about his Texas A&M team. Remember, "They play defense like you stole somethin' from their monmma."

Because of the long lines at Goodman's on Friday, I didn't get any corned beef there. My Dad made some that was very good and I wolfed that down today, but I went to the Old Brooklyn Deli, and it was pretty good. People tell me they get the same meat as Slyman's. Maybe not as good, but the line was much shorter, as I was still inside county lines.

Looks like I changed the channel on the Cavs-Lakers game too early.

SportsTime Ohio is now on my Adelphia Digital package in the 170's. Needless to say, there is no programming yet.

Does March Madness On Demand deserve the Nobel Prize?

Add it up.

Meal of Links

While traversing the remote landscape before the Toney-Rahman fight on HBO, I noticed NBC was televising a "Saturday Night Main Event". Hah, wrestling back on network TV. The beauty of it is IT NEVER CHANGES. I mean, I tune in to see Shane McMahon battling the Heartbreak Kid! Am I in a time machine? Of course, Vince McMahon cheated and Shane-O won with the Sharpshooter, as a final slap to HBK. Admittedly, a pleasant, unexpected diversion.

BTW, not much to say about Rahman-Toney. Toney only weighed 4 more lbs. than his last fight, but Lamps referred to him as "a tub of goo". Rahman clearly won, as Toney seemed to be gassed after Round 4, but it was ruled a majority draw. A real yawner.

More TV stuff. If you haven't seen the ESPN documentary on Sebastian Telfair, watch it. Without question, the best basketball film I've seen since "Hoop Dreams". I think "Into The Fire" is already out on DVD. It shows how hoops may be the only way out for some folks and really how Telfair had an entire neighborhood hoping he would get to the NBA. ESPN should run this as much as that awful Pete Rose (remember Tom Sizemore's hair, he looked like Friar Tuck) movie or poker.

Exercise Yard

After watching the "Brad Pitt" (Brad=Bradley, Pitt=Pittsburgh) game today, I really have to check my man-love for the Pitt Panthers. Another disappointment. To Bradley, of all schools. Now the refs did not cost Pitt this game, but I have noticed a huge disparity in some of these games, regarding foul shooting. Bradley attempted 32 foul shots to Pitt's 11. Of course, Pitt's FG% contributed mightily to the loss, as usual.

But in the Illinois-Washington game last night, the Illini attempted their first foul shot in the second half with 15 seconds to go and had 9 for the game. The Huskies attempted...(gulp)...39. Wichita State had 29 attempts to Tennessee's 13. I had the Huskies and Shockers, so I am not complaining and I understand styles of play mean a lot. I just happened to notice these things. The oddest stat of the tournament was George Mason outrebounding Michigan State, 40-24. The stars must have aligned properly for that to occur.

Visitor

None, it's the end of a long hoops weekend.

I had a busy day today which included having my taxes done. It's so frustrating to see the tax man eating away at things. I understand why we have to pay and where it goes, I just wish he wouldn't take as much. Maybe it's time to move to Costa Rica.

Even though it was busy, I crammed in some March Madness. My brackets did not take that bad of a beating, but I could have used a Texas A&M win and they lost by one. I need Pitt to keep going, otherwise it looks like it's over for me.

Meal of Links

One man's view of the top 15 Steely Dan songs. Seems like a tough job, but the list is pretty good.

NCAA On Demand shows how the technology has improved. I liked it very much.

Comedy Central pulled the "South Park" rerun about Scientology. Trust me, it was funny, and I see no reason why Viacom caved.

Exercise Yard

Remember when they weren't going to let Cuba play in the World Baseball Classic? Maybe it had nothing to with politics, but the fact that Cuba is pretty good.

Visitor

33 Across: Playwright Henley (4 letters) Answer: Beth

I have the full multimedia assault going on the NCAA Tournament. Was able to watch some of the games at work with the greatest invention ever. Well, at least this week. It was something to see the end of that Pacific-BC game. Christ, I lost Nevada already.

But at home, I have the regular channel with Xavier-Gonzaga, and the HD channel has Wilmington-GW (which was one of the best 8-9 games you'd ever wanna see) and with the e-mail machine I caught the end of UCLA and can do my own Personal Live Look-Ins on LSU. Hey, the G-Man is doing the LSU game with Tim Brando. I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow to hear Bill Raftery say "..and they come out in the mantoman." Even though I'll be celebrating Saint Paddy's Day tomorrow, I hope to hear that.

Meal of Links

The games in San Diego were delayed today because of a bomb scare. A bomb-sniffing dog thought it smelled something supicious in a...ahem...hot dog stand. Selfishly, that allows more basketball viewing for me.

This release officially ends my viewing of "Rock Star". Thank God, Alice in Chains thought better of this and declined.

Speaking of inventions, it looks like this invention should be scrapped.

Exercise Yard

The Brown-Marbury feud on the Knicks is hilarious. Steph has had what, maybe a half of a good season in Phoenix since he left Minnesota. And Brown went to NYC for the cash, apparently overlooking how bad that roster was. For $8 mil per, I'd think I could put up with losing a little bit. But Larry's losing a lot now and he doesn't like it. Wonder how long before Larry's health becomes an issue.

Visitor

28 Across: "The Federalist Papers" co-author (7 letters) Answer: Madison

My Dad and I went to Smokey Bones for dinner. That, in itself, is fairly uneventful, until we look at the menu and he decides to tell me "I only eat fish on Wednesdays during Lent." Uh, we are at Smokey Bones. Last time I checked they have lots of meat here and they tend to barbecue it.

Oh, they have non-meat items, but can you see my Dad ordering a Honey-Glazed Salmon, a Mahi-Mahi sandwich, or, gosh, a veggie burger. He told me his salad was really good. I knew he jumped at a dressing which he heard as "Vinaigrette". Thank God, when they brought out the "Raspberry Vinaigrette" he liked it. I must say, they do a fine pulled pork there.

Meal of Links

I must be the last person on earth to realize Caffrey's hasn't been available in the States for quite some time. Man, that was good stuff.

Have you heard anything by the Hasidic Reggae rapper yet? It must get hot in that coat.

Anti-insomnia medications cause bizarre side effects. Sadly, the use of these pills is up 50% since 2000. That seems like a lot, doesn't it? But I love how this article introduces a side effect like having sex while asleep and then fails to follow up on that.

Exercise Yard

With March Madness definitely on the front burner, I have to keep one eye on Miami hockey this weekend. An excellent shot to go the Frozen Four this year.

Visitor

43 Down: Rock star Clapton (4 letters) Answer: Eric

Wasn't it great to see Alex Trebek inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame last night? "What is hip"?

I attended another Taco Tuesday and I love it. It's cheap and the food is good, and you never know who you'll run into while you're there.

Well, you know my feeling on corned beef for St. Patrick's Day for Catholics. First of all, as a Convenience Catholic, I'm all for the bishop letting us have meat on that day. But really, it does fly in the face of teachings that say Lent is a time of penance and maybe we should delay a corned beef sammie for a day. It wouldn't hurt matters, would it?

However, the Pittsburgh bishop has decided to play hardball. So, what do you as a Pittsburgher? Drive away for some meat or grin and bear it for a day. I figure the bishop knows he can't win, so he decided to make a stand and deliver a message.

Meal of Links

Senator Feingold's censure of Bush has all the D's running away from the spotlight. File this under good intentions, but bad timing. Give Feingold his props for running for the Presidency, he may be the only one willing to take a stand on these issues. However, in these times, that may not mean a whole lot.

Mike Wallace decides to retire from full-time "60 Minutes" duty. Now it appears that it's left to Jim Cantore to carry the torch as the only remaining media personality to cause fear in your town when they arrive.

It looks like the "Press Your Luck" guy finally got the Whammy. It's interesting, I just saw him on a "Carson Comedy Classics" show on Saturday, where he played an aide to Howard Hughes, who was played by Johnny. It was really funny, as Johnny had the long hair and fingernails. I wondered, as I watched in 2006, if the viewing audience didn't get it.

Exercise Yard

The Sports Guy demonstrates how randoms win NCAA pools. BTW, Oral Roberts IS still a funny name. Remember when he was supposed to go that mountain and...

Visitor

56 Down: "Sister Act" extras (4 letters) Answer: Nuns

I decided to immerse myself in the culture of Sudoku and finally cracked the code. But I don't have the time to do it.

As I was walking this evening, the worms were out in full force. I think the big rain that passed through brought them out, but man, some of them were long and, no doubt, I'll be dreaming about them.

I also watched the new show, "Old Christine" with Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Not bad, I can watch this, I think. Especially since I have no other regular Monday viewing.

Meal of Links

Isaac Hayes quits "South Park". "Screw you guys, I'm goin' home." Hayes cites intolerance of religion, but I thought the show probably had more religion than most series on the tube.

Kylie Minogue mounts an elephant. Seems like an unlikely choice of words, but good to see her up and about.

Wait a minute, didn't the Browns sign LeCharles Bentley? Whoops.

Exercise Yard

The Browns are doing a bang-up job in free agency. I wish this was the Ted Washington of 3 to 5 years ago, but Dave Zastudil is a big improvement at punter. Although we should never have given up on multiple team-MVP Chris Gardocki.

Visitor

32 Across: "The Inferno" author (5 letters) Answer: Dante

For me, it's the best time of the year, because it's March Madness. Nice job by Billy Packer noting an 8-9 matchup before that bracket was announced. And what was with Gonzaga practically yawning that they had a three seed? I saw the one kid start clapping and then he realized no one was joining in, ha ha. As usual, some teams were left out that probably should not have been (UC and Hofstra come to mind).

Thank goodness, six teams from the Missouri Valley did not make it. Not that it isn't a a good conference, because it is. I get tired of only one team from the MAC making it every year. I'm biased, but I think that the MAC is just as good as the MVC.

Looks like Duke has an easy track to the Final Four, regardless of what Jay Bias (he says Davidson can beat OSU...huh? Coach Matta has been on the other side with Butler and X, no way they don't win that game.) says. I think Memphis will be the first No. 1 seed to go down. The problem with liking teams too much (BC, Villanova and Pitt, for example) always clouds my thinking. I think Pitt under Dixon is the toughest team every year, they really play hard. It's just that they have potential to go long stretches without making any baskets. Villanova poses too much of a matchup problem for a lot of teams. BC has a veteran team that plays hard, as well.

Meal of Links

Hey, Bishop Pilla, where's our dispensation? Of course, if this was discussed at Mass today...never mind.

An interview with the Rock Hall's curator. I'm hoping the Sex Pistols do show up at the induction to shake things up a bit.

Bike Week breaks a record. For deaths.

I'm not sure I would want to sit on a jury and convict a Gotti. Great note: "We want to leave--ASAP."

Exercise Yard

The hero of USA-Japan is...(gulp)...A-Rod? Looking skyward for pigs.

Visitor

None, it's Selection Sunday.

I sit here lamenting the fact that I just cannot get the Sudoku. I know how to do it. Yes, I know it's logic and the process of elimination. Nevertheless, it infuriates me that I can't get it. I do much better at the crossword and the forgotten child of puzzledom, the Jumble.

Man, I breezed through that one today in about 30 seconds. Even the crossword played into my hands quite nicely this morning. Cannot start a Saturday without finishing that one.

Meal of Links

It certainly doesn't look like Bettie Page is going anywhere soon. No present day photo, much like many of the obits in the PD.

I can't recommend listening to Harry Shearer on "le show" enough. He makes me laugh every week. Now it's Cheney saying, "Harry, I had no idea you were there." from the Brit Hume interview. Podcasts available on iTunes (sans complete musical interludes) and KCRW and Audible.com.

Salmon fishing in the Northwest might be curtailed or stopped early. It seems to be a result of a combination of declining population and poor water management.

Exercise Yard

The Browns get out off the blocks quickly on free agency. Looks like quality pickups in Bentley, Shaffer and Jurevicius. That's two that I wanted. Thus far, I am very pleased.

Visitor

59 Across: '90s runner (9 letters) Answer: Ross Perot

Last night, S. and I went to the House of Blues to see the Violent Femmes. Had some pre-concert grub at Fat Fish Blue. It was an all-ages show, so General Admission was packed. That combined with the fact that HOB still had their winter heating plan running made for a toasty experience. Not Africa hot, but pretty damn warm. But we checked our coats, I mean, that was only $4.00 per item. Yup, fo dolla. Smells like extortion.

Anyhow, the Femmes are a strange band to watch. Not that they aren't good, because they are. It's just that you stand there and say I can play in that band. Arrangements seem simple and there is not much interaction between them and the crowd. The horn section shows up every once in a while, so you have three on stage for a while and then as many as 11 for a song or two. The crowd was into it though and the boys didn't disappoint. "Blister in the Sun" and "Prove My Love" were done early, "American Music" was kind of in the middle, with "Add It Up" and "Gone Daddy Gone" near the end.

Thing I didn't get: Bandana Guy continually giving the Number One Salute with both hands during a lot of the songs.

Meal of Links

I have never seen "The Sopranos". I hear it's on HBO and something about it returning this weekend.

Man, if you thought there were lots of old people hanging around, wait 25 years. There will be more lots more of them.

Danyelle Sargent drops an F-bomb on ESPNews yesterday. Probably escapes with no penalty, because who watches News that much anyhow.

Exercise Yard

So, it appears that Barry Bonds took steroids. That isn't news, but the apologists are using the "well, it wasn't against the rules of baseball when he used them." completely forgetting that steroid use in this way is illegal. And he admitted under oath, his use of...ahem...flaxseed oil and of course, "the cream and the clear" incident with Sheff.

It doesn't look good for Barry, but I'm not sure what baseball can do. You certainly can't turn the clock back and the union, unlike track and field, will never allow action to be taken against a player who's passed every drug test. So, Bud's in a bit of a bind on this one. Oh, he'll see which way the wind blows and if he gets a sense no one cares, he'll let it go.

Visitor

32 Across: Jeff MacNelly comic strip (4 letters) Answer: Shoe

The NFL approved the new CBA by a 30-2 vote. Clearly, it was the right thing to do. Cap goes way up this year to $102 million, so the Browns are even further under the cap. I expect Lerner to spend lots of money to improve the team. I hope we didn't fall this far under to sit on our hands.

We should make a run at Julian Peterson, the Ravens nose tackle with the big name, Bentley from the Saints, Joe Jurevicius, and how about David Givens. I'd take that in a heartbeat. And then draft a bunch of good guys and we make the playoffs this year, right? Wait a minute, we're the Browns.

Meal of Links

North Korea fired some missiles today. They claim it was a mistake, and nothing to see here, so please move along.

I don't know if the students who set the Alabama church fires are really that stupid, but to say it was a joke, then start other fires "as a diversion" does not speak kindly of their smarts. Sounds like too much TV watchin'.

"He stole lots of my book. Well, kind of. Aw, hell, I take it back."

Exercise Yard

Oh, Canada! The US loses in the WBC, 8-6. Thank goodness, we play noted horsehide giant, South Africa, next.

Visitor

73 Across: Cager Archibald (4 letters) Answer: Nate

I almost bought cheese at Walgreen's today. Not sure why. Perhaps, a cry for help. I dunno, I had a hankering for grilled cheese and almost gave in right there. And at extortionist prices, as well. Maybe it's time for a call to Dr. Angus.

Meal of Links

Yanni gets busted for a domestic. If he wanted her to leave, he should have played one of his records.

Shocking news. The Paris "Bachelor" couple already broke up. Hard to fathom why people invest time in that crappy show.

More Van Halen news than a person can take. Plus, Richard Roeper really likes Bon Jovi's hair.

Exercise Yard

Kirby Puckett died today. Well, he turned out to be a not-so-nice guy after baseball, but I recall the first time I saw him with the Twins. My brother and I actually laughed when he came on screen vs. the Tribe in his rookie year. We thought, with that body, there was no way he'd last. Of course, he ripped us for something like 8 hits in the series, and he was on his way to stardom. I like to think we helped. And I still think Dennis Martinez intentionally threw at his head, which eventually led to the diagnosis of glaucoma and the end of his career.

Visitor

23 Across: Quirky comic Philips (3 letters) Answer: Emo ("How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.")

First of all, I knew Bush was in Pakistan. Not sure why I thought he was hosting Musharraf in DC. And I take that back about Phil, he only bogeyed 18 yesterday. He shot a 73 today, BTW.

Last minute Oscar picks:

Picture: "Capote"
Director: Lee
Actor: Hoffman
Actress: Witherspoon. I changed from Huffman, because no one saw that film.
Supporting Actor: Giamatti
Supporting Actress: Weisz

I'm gonna try and give it a go and get some commentary going later.

Oscar Wrapup

It's Oscar night and here we are at the 78th Annual Academy Awards. I'm not too excited about the show, and I'm watching at home, in case I need to change the channel. It's scheduled for three hours, we'll see how close they are on time this year. It's HDTV by Sony, Caffiene Diet/Cherry Coke combos by Coca-Cola, and I constructed my very tasty BBQ pizza with jalapeno, banana pepper and pepperoni. Ginger root at the ready, in case of indigestion.

Pre-show stuff. Paul Giamatti and Will Ferrell made me laugh. Isaac Mizrahi asked Giamatti if he did anything special for the evening and he said, "Yeah, I brushed my teeth and I showered." Will Ferrell was asked if he cried during "Brokeback Mountain". He admitted that he laughed so disturbingly loud throughout the movie, he scared the other patrons.

8:00 A nice beginning that made me laugh. They had previous hosts refusing the hosting gig. The Steve Martin/David Letterman bit made me howl. Martin says he needed to spend time with his two children (wearing white-haired wigs), so they "wouldn't grow up weird". Letterman said he needed to spend time with Steve Martin's children, so they "wouldn't grow up weird".

8:05 Stewart's monologue had some hits and some misses, but I laughed more often than not.

8:14 A short film about old Westerns that had gay overtones. That was a hoot.

8:16 Nicole Kidman presents Supporting Actor. Lemme say this, that is a good lookin' woman. George Clooney wins for "Syrianna", a movie I didn't see. "OK, so I'm not winning Director." made me laugh. Will someone shut off that music during acceptances.

8:25 Tom Hanks (with that Da Vinci cut) in a funny bit, demonstrates how not to make an acceptance speech. The orchestra ends up on stage and the clarinet guy shoots a dart at him.

















8:26 Stiller!! He is presenting Visual Effects. He has a green suit on for "green screen" effects, instead of "blue screen". You see, he thinks he's invisible as he mentions his "disembodied head", but he's not. I am on the floor. "King Kong" wins. I saw it. What is going on with that music?

8:31 Reese Witherspoon presents Animated Feature. "Wallace and Grommit" wins. Didn't see it.

















8:34 Naomi Watts shows up. Omigod, she's Australian. That's a joke. Dolly Parton sings the "Transamerica" song. Boy, her plastic surgeon must be a rich man.

8:40 Diet Coke ad. Does anyone drink pop these days without weird effects happening? Christ, I keep seeing the Jimmy Fallon/Parker Posey ad where soda makes them dance. My concoction is making me do laundry, as we speak.

8:42 The Wilson Brothers for Live Action Short. They film drop "Bottle Rocket", of course. They got $5 million to make it and it grossed $1 million. "Six Shooter" wins. Didn't see it.

8:45 Chicken Little and Abby Mallard for Animated Short Film. Cute bit about animated ducks not wearing pants. "The Moon and The Sun" wins. Didn't see it. The music during acceptances has made me officially insane.

8:48 Jennifer Aniston presents Best Costume. I've noticed the show seems to be moving quickly. "Memoirs of a Geisha" wins. Didn't see it.

8:51 Russell Crowe without a phone. I like him. He presents clips about biopics. Hey, there's Helen Keller. "No more wire hangers...ever!". "Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth."

8:57 Will Ferrell and Steve Carrell present Makeup. And they are made up horribly. The deadpan approach works hilariously. "Narnia" wins. Didn't see it. Red Vines and Mr. Pibb are crazy delicious.

9:02 Rachel McAdams presented the Science Awards two weeks ago. Stewart says the party is still going on.

9:03 Morgan Freeman arrives. He is not wearing a tie, as he hands out Supporting Actress. Who is Amy Adams? Rachel Weisz wins. Gorgeous lady, but I didn't see her film.

9:11 Lauren Bacall is on stage. Ah, that voice. But she seems to be getting confused as she moves along. Should have worn glasses, I'd bet. I liked the fact that Jack waved to her as she arrived at the podium. Lots of film noir clips. They don't make 'em like that anymore. Cue Kihn.

9:17 Nice "Best Actress" clip on their first names, run like political ads.

9:18 Terence Howard presents Doc Shorts. Some "Norman Corwin" short wins. I didn't see it.

9:21 Charlize Theron looks great. Doc feature is her category. I've actually seen two of these. Go "Murderball"! "March of the Penguins" wins. I didn't see it.

9:25 J-Lo is on stage talking about "Crash". Didn't see it. She introduces the song, "In The Deep" from "Crash". Time to reload the washer.

9:32 Hey, it's fave rave Sandra Bullock with Keanu Reeves. Art Direction is their award. I'm guessing Keanu took some "Matrix" dollars and got his eyes done. I am not kidding, as he looks really Asian these days. Sandy, of course, has not had any work done. "Memoirs of a Geisha", now known as "MOG", wins. Didn't see it.

9:36 Samuel L. is on. "Oscars, mothafucka, do you speak it?" It's politically-oriented clips. "They call me Mister Tibbs." A clip from "The Candidate", yes! "Network"!!! BTW, Jack is in at least five of these clips.
















9:44 It's Salma and her Hayeks! Has her English gotten worse? I'm not sure I care, as her Hayeks are still going strong. Bill Conti gets some props for shooing winners off the stage, I mean, conducting the orchestra for 18 years. Itzhak Perlman gives us the Yo-Yo Ma portion of the program by playing the nominated scores. Not the entire scores, it just seems that way. The winner is "Brokeback Mountain", I saw it. Still cannot believe Morgan Freeman didn't wear a tie. Maybe it's for the folks of Mississippi. I'm sure we'll find out.

9:56 It's Jake Gyllenhaal with a hard G. Get your mind out of the gutter, I meant his name. He basicially gives us a PSA for going to the movies by showing clips from big screen epics.

10:00 It's Jessica Alba (Wow!) and Eric Bana. She is out of control hot. Sound Mixing Award goes to "King Kong". I saw it. It was loud.

10:03 Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep present Robert Altman with his Special Oscar in the inimitable Altman style. It's terrific. Altman gets a standing O, Bacall did not. He truly is one of the all-timers. His next film, "Prairie Home Companion" is out this summer.

10:18 It's the "Pimpin" song from "Hustle and Flow". We get a production number, because "Pimpin' ain't easy."

10:22 Queen Latifah arrives from Pizza Hut to hand out Best Original Song. The "Pimpin'" song wins. Omigod, we get the first bleep of the night and even Gil Cates gets a thank you. As does Jesus. Didn't see this one either.

10:26 Sound Editing gets the "Best Actress" name treatment. Hey, Jennifer Garner has breasts! They all come out to present the award. What loud movie did I see? "King Kong" and it wins.

10:30 Academy Award winner George Clooney presents the "Dead People Roll Call". Of course, Richie was last.

10:38 Will Smith presents Foreign Film to "Tsotsi". The South African director tells us to go to tsotsi.com to see all the folks who worked on the film. Didn't see it or the website.

10:41 Ziyi Zhang presents Film Editing. She has been working on her English, but not her Hayeks. "Crash" wins, but I didn't see it.



















10:44 Hilary Swank and her great body present Best Actor. It goes to Hoffman for "Capote". I saw it and he was most deserving.

10:54 John Travolta presents Cinematography. "MOG" wins, I didn't see it. Right before the announcement, an open mike picks up someone saying "Here we go." Maybe the Oscars director?

10:57 Jamie Foxx presents Best Actress. Reese Witherspoon wins for "Walk the Line". I saw this. Joaquin gets some props. I thought her acceptance was a bit goofy, but charming.

11:07 Here come the screenplay awards with Dustin Hoffman up first. Last time he presented, he was hammered. Best Adapted Screenplay goes to "Brokeback Mountain". I saw it. I am shocked it won. Not really. Geez, Larry McMurtry is wearing jeans. Huh?

11:12 It's "Uma, Jerry. Uma!" with Original Screenplay. "Crash" wins and Paul Haggis quotes Brecht. His partner gets cut off from speaking. Didn't see this movie.

11:19 Tom Hanks again. This time for real and it's for Director. Ang Lee wins for "Brokeback Mountain", which I saw. Ang Lee appears to have chalk all over his tux. WTF? Is there a blackboard at the Kodak Theater?

11:22 They get Jack, the coolest guy in the room, to present Best Picture. Spielberg knows he has no chance. "Crash" wins. Didn't see it and I'm not sure if I saw a wardrobe malfunction. I think I didn't, but I don't know. The woman on stage thanked her husband AND her wife. I am confused. Say, Penelope Cruz definitely worked on her English for her L'Oreal ad.

11:29 Overall, an entertaining show. Stewart probably soft-pedaled things, but there were too many weird soda ads and "Bang A Gong" started popping up on JCPenney ads. Jon Stewart thanks us and hopes we all make it home safely. I bid you "Good night and good luck!"

Meal of Links

Speaking of movies, here is one person's view of the top five sports tearjerkers. What, no "Brian's Song"? Hey, I know it was a TV movie, but come on. "Hoop Dreams" brings sanity to the list.

If you wanna play some cowbell, go here. "Never question Bruce Dickinson."

This year's Razzies. Looks like Ebert's review was spot on.

Exercise Yard

Great sports night for TV viewing last night. I watched Duke-Carolina and DVR'ed the two boxing matches. Then watched the game again on replay this a.m. as it was a huge win for the Tar Heels. On HBO, Cotto beat Branca in the 8th. The Lacy-Calzaghe Showtime fight was a clinic, as Joe Calzaghe turned Jeff "Left Hook" Lacy into "No Hook" Lacy. That was a big unification bout and Calzaghe almost threw a shutout, as Lacy did nothing.

Hard to imagine another championship bout where one guy dominated so much. Oh yeah, we've seen early championship KO's, but for 12 rounds, Calzaghe whipped Lacy's ass. Telling corner commentary after Round 2, when his corner was giving instructions and Joe said, "He's shit." Then repeated it for effect. After Round 8, his Dad and trainer said, "You're the number one pound-for-pound fighter in boxing, you've got four rounds to fuck it up." It was an extraordinary bout, and you just don't hear "a great round for the Welshman" that often in boxing.

Visitor

None, it was a rid the 2 inches of salt from my car Sunday.

Went to the Indians Open House today. Not really much to say about it, because we arrived pretty late in the proceedings. But it is kind of its own underground city down there in the bowels of Jacobs Field. We bought some tickets for the season at the Visitors Clubhouse of all places, which is nice, but cannot compare to the Indians clubhouse. BTW, I didn't see Cholly's ping-pong table down there. Wedge's office is a bit of a walk from the clubhouse, so you know if you get called to see him, it's like going to the Principal's office.

Stopped at the ChopHouse afterward and I cannot recall ever being there before. But for a mid-afternoon on a Saturday, they were doing a fine business, and it's a big room. Had a great Salmon BLT there, with a nice lager, and everything was pretty reasonable. I think I'll be back.

Meal of Links

It appears that Michael McDonald and Steely Dan are getting back together on tour. We saw Michael last year at the Amphitheater and it doesn't appear that multiple sets would exhaust him, because he just sits behind the keyboards. Still sounds great, he just doesn't move. But it would be cool to hear him on "Pretzel Logic" again.

One of the all-time best columnists is near death. Looks like Art Buchwald doesn't have much time left, but he's going out the way he wants.















I see Jackie Chan was at the White House today. Oh, wait, that was President Musharraf.

Exercise Yard

I happened to catch a bit of the Ford Championship on NBC today. For me, it encapsulated the difference between Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson perfectly. On the 18th hole, both yank their drives to the right. Tiger lands under a banyan tree, while Phil ends up on bare ground between two cart paths. Tiger, obviously ends up in the worst spot, but gets relief in the form of a drop. Phil has to play it where it lies.

Tiger is able to place it for a better lie and rips it to the edge of the green, and gets down in two for the par. Phil, hitting off bare ground, fires it into the water, gets a drop and two putts for a double bogey. That's the difference between Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson.

Visitor

21 Across: Andrews of TV's "The Mod Squad" (4 letters) Answer: Tige

I finally checked back on "Deal or No Deal" and it is insipid as it was when I tuned in back in December. A bunch of mensas are on this show. My prediction, however, is there will be a pictorial of the women of "Deal or No Deal" within 7 months.

I only watched that because I could only take 5 minutes of Jennifer Love and her Hewitts on "Ghost Whisperer". God, was that awful.

Meal of Links

Jon Stewart takes about hosting the Oscars. I'm sure he'll do fine, although I've already heard this will be the start of the backlash of Jon Stewart.

Since there is no NASCAR Nextel Cup race this week, the Gwinett, GA hockey team has Runaway Bride Bobblehead Night. Game time is 4:05. Or so they say. Probably depends on when the bus arrives.

Supposedly, the true video iPod will have a 4-inch screen. As Drudge says...Developing.

Exercise Yard

The newest game to kill about three hours of your precious time.

Visitor

25 Across: '70s singing family (7 letters) Answer: Osmonds

So, I'm listening to Frank's Place on XM on the drive home today. Of course, they are playing Sinatra and it's "Come Fly With Me". Then the DJ comes on, and he reminds me of Floyd the Barber. It's like he says, "...and next it's Nan-Nan-Nancy Wilson with "You've Changed".

Have you heard "You've Changed" recently? No doubt, it is a great tune, but I had forgotten how brutal this song was. I felt like I should be at the local gin mill about 2:15, finishing my last Manhattan of the evening, while taking a long drag on a Lucky. I mean lyrics like "Your kisses now are so blase, You're bored with me in every way." Omigod, where's the bridge abutment I should be driving into. And Ms. Wilson is quite the singer for that tune, as well.

Thank God, they played some Ella and then Artie Shaw was on with "Deep Purple". Made me wonder if Deep Purple ever had a song called "Artie Shaw".

Meal of Links

There is a Brokeback Pez item for sale on eBay. With audio. Note the logo change.

AK-47's wife allows him one free night per year with another woman. Utah has affected her sanity.

I finally got to see Prince's set at the British Music Awards a couple of weeks after the fact. Pretty good deal, as he had Wendy and Lisa with him and Sheila E., too. I wonder where Matt Fink and Bobby Z. were? It sounds like he's touring again.

Exercise Yard

The NFL puts off financial suicide for a few days. Next time you hear removal of a salary cap is a good thing, punch that person. It will lead to higher ticket prices. Without question, that will occur. You think Randy Lerner's paying all that extra salary out of his pockets? He probably won't choose to spend it, and he'd be lumped together with Dolan.

Visitor

36 Across: First name in soul (6 letters) Answer: Aretha

I'm back because I didn't win Mega Millions. You get excited when you hear the winning ticket was sold in Ohio. Then you hear it's Lyons, Ohio. What? Huh? That means a Michigander probably won it.

To top off bad Ohio geography, I guess if we move to Auglaize County, we'll get the Tribe games. I don't know if I've ever been in Auglaize County. Is that near the Amish? They don't have electricity, let alone cable TV, last time I checked. Maybe it's for the English of the community.

Meal of Links

Two stewards get shot at a Kanye West concert in Birmingham. England, that is.

This review of "Free Ride" made me laugh out loud. That reminds me, I saw an old "Curb Your Enthusiasm" episode the other day, where Larry felt compelled to wave to fellow Prius drivers. You think it's a throwaway until a dog is chasing him down the street and they pass a Prius, and while he's running by, he waves and says, "Hello, Prius."

Blu-Ray is coming May 23rd. No, it's not Jamie Foxx as a sad Ray Charles, it's another piece of hardware we have to buy. All I know is it has a lot more gigs.

Exercise Yard

I noticed this headline on Indians.com and actually thought CAMERON Crowe might be doing something baseball-wise for his next movie. Why? Because I am an idiot. Then I read that prospect TREVOR Crowe lists "Notting Hill" as his favorite movie. Uh-oh. He also uses the term "Average Jane", a term I can honestly say I've never used. I think I may have problems rooting for this guy.

Visitor

29 Across: Ambient music composer Brian (3 letters) Answer: Eno