Randomness from today's Browns home game:

Special Guest: Gale went today. So, we were able to test how inept the Browns Women's and Men's lines operate at the checkpoints outside the Stadium. In a stunning reversal of fortune, I found a Men's line that got me through a clear five minutes before her. Quote from Mean Security Guy to all of the men who were waiting beyond the checkpoint, but not through the turnstile: "We're not gonna let anyone else in. The sooner you move, the quicker they get in." That shows how slow the Women's lines were today.

I was here two weeks ago when the Browns scored 51. I'm sure it's happened before, but I cannot remember the last time we've won two straight anywhere. At home, on the road, on the planet, or even the solar system.

Today's Opponent: Another division rival, the old Browns, the Baltimore Ravens. They come to town with two wins out of three games. But they really have not looked good doing it. For some reason, the Browns have been competitive lately with the Ravens in Cleveland. I can't explain it, but the games have been close. I'm at a loss to as how today's game will play out. Could we win? Maybe, but what gives anyone the right to be confident with the Browns.

The Weather: An outstanding September day to watch football. 77 and sunny. Hope you brought the sunscreen.

Today's Giveaway: The Browns got giddy and decided to give away nylon scarves which we could wave after all of our many scores. Mine quickly went the bandanna route for some sporty headgear.

Section 345: As calm as the lake today. The game had enough action to keep everyone's mind on the game, so nary a shenanigan was played out.






























Best Browns Play: After the Browns scored on their first drive, the Ravens march down the field. But Leigh Bodden intercepts a pass from McNair. On the next play from scrimmage, Derek Anderson hits Braylon Edwards for a 78-yard touchdown pass. Nine minutes in and the game is over!

Second-Best Browns Play: Kellen Winslow's 49-yard catch-and-run in the third quarter. Showed all of his strengths as a tight end in one play. The hands, the speed, the ability to break tackles, all displayed in a great sequence.

Worst Browns Play: The weekly Derek Anderson ugly interception. This one with a 14-0 lead in the first quarter. Defense miraculously only gave up a field goal on the ensuing drive.

Best Line from Me: Because of the sun, there was this random we nicknamed Squinty. Apparently, his mission was to walk up the stairs of our section every few minutes, it seemed. Never saw him walk down, but there he is, all the time, going up. "Has Squinty seen one play this game?"

Best Line from Gale (noting the name, Squinty): "Nope."

Best Line from a Random (while the Browns are leading 17-3): "Shit, we're playing so well, we should be up by two touchdowns already." Uh, we were.

Oddest Browns Jersey: 39 Lehan, 53 Faine, 37 Henry.

Food Items: One soda, one pretzel, one popcorn between the two of us.

Best Fan Cam Feature: Probably the last Sunday for fans showing skin.

The Fuckin' Run: The Ravens didn't run much after falling behind early. Having said that, the Browns still managed to give up 111 on the ground. That only took 20 carries for a 5.6 average. Ugh.

Worst Stat: Jamal Lewis. 23 rushes for 64 yards. Only 2.8 per carry.

2nd Worst Stat: Raven quarterback Steve McNair threw 53 passes.

Most Interesting Stat: Browns defense gave up 418 yards and won in a laugher.

Once again, the Browns maintained their competitive edge over the Ravens in Cleveland. It's uncanny. The Ravens could move the ball between the twenties at will, it seemed. But they never posed any big play threat the entire game. And the game was decided rather early. After the Edwards TD, I never thought the Browns were in trouble. I'm not sure how to react as a fan yet, because I still sense dread around every corner. Probably DEFCON 1 for opponents, and maybe DEFCON 2 for the Browns now. After the NFL seemed to regain form in the first three weeks, week 4 provided some really odd results. The Browns now have a better record than the Chargers. And Kansas City and Oakland have also won twice. Huh?

Let's not start talking crazy yet. We have seen Browns Version 2.3 have this kind of start before. It typically ends in disaster after the bye week, which is October 21 this year. Our win this week is rewarded with a game against New England next week. Uh, that can't be good.

Anyhow, the Browns have won 2 division games this year and beat the Ravens, 27-13.

Meal of Links

After the game, Uncle F-Bomb joined us for some celebration libations on the patio of The Harp. Interestingly enough, there appeared to be a family gathering outside that ended up with a twist. Each person at the table was responsible for singing a song. Couldn't see that happening in my family.

Tom Friedman says 9/11 is over. He wants a President who thinks about 9/12.

TV in the bedroom blunts children's emotions. I guess it's OK in a minivan though.

Exercise Yard

Tractor Traylor got sentenced the other day. He tried to help a family member launder some money, that's all.

Visitor

None. It was a beautiful Browns Sunday.

I sit here wondering on another terrific September day...will the Browns ever have a CBS game in HD? Hey, at least we are on in Alaska this week.

I was back at Velocity last night. No peaches in the salad available this time. Had to go with the one that had pears and gorgonzola amongst other items. And sliders, of course.

Speaking of food, the Free Times alerts us to a bunch of new restaurants that have recently opened or are opening forthwith.

Meal of Links

One of my favorite shows returns on Sunday. Yes, it's "Dexter"! This show about a serial killer hooked me right from the start, and I'm up for the ride again this season.

"I've been hypnotized!" That is a really...cool...effect. OK, I'm back. I think.

Who knew? Canadians like pot. Check that. Canadians really like pot. In BC, it's a $7 billion industry. And this quote: "They're making a lot of money on those oil rigs, and everywhere Canadians are making decent money they are doing a lot of drugs." They must have missed this:



Exercise Yard

There were some choices for boxing this evening. Well, there was really only one choice for me. I had to watch Andre Berto-David Estrada and Kelly Pavlik-Jermain Taylor on Home Box, letting "Bad" Chad Dawson toil in obscurity over on Showtime. BTW, HBO has some terrific bouts the next two months, including Pacquiao-Barrera, Calzaghe-Kessler, Cotto-Mosley and Mayweather-Hatton. On paper, that is a list to look forward to.

The Berto-Estrada bout was actually pretty good. I've followed Berto's career since the day Mike and I saw him live 5 years ago at a USA-Irish match. Clearly, he was the best fighter there that evening and he's had a nice pro career, thus far. Estrada proved to be just the right kind of opponent, one who would throw some shots, not go down easily, and take him the distance. Estrada won only one round, the first, but traded 84 power punches with Berto in the third, and 94 in the eighth. Berto was relentless throughout, while emptying the kitchen sink all over Estrada. Estrada will be seeing jabs in his sleep for weeks, but there were lefts, rights, uppercuts, maybe even a bolo punch or two. Berto finally stopped the game Estrada in the eleventh, who will probably sleep until Tuesday.

Next, the middleweight championship fight between Youngstown's Kelly "The Ghost" Pavlik and Little Rock's Jermain "Bad Intentions" Taylor. Somebody's "O" has got to go! (I love when Buffer says that.) Lamps, Merchant and Lennox did a really good job calling this fight. Lennox even brought out his favorite word, "disdain", when they failed to touch gloves at first, during fight instructions. And Merchant mentioned it must be a good fight, "because I have five drops of blood on my shirt".

This one was almost over in Round 2. Pavlik got hit with some tremendous shots and went down. I was amazed he lasted the round because after the knockdown, his legs were still rubbery. As Pavlik said after the fight about the knockdown, "Shit, this is gonna be a long night." But he recovered and had a nice third round to get back in the fight. The middle rounds, for the most part, were less chaotic. Taylor seemed to fight in spurts and I liked the fact that Pavlik was connecting with the jab. He actually threw it most of the fight, however, Taylor was doing a fairly good job of counterpunching early. Later on, it seemed Pavlik was connecting more often without an answer from Taylor. Afterward, Taylor thought he had tired himself out in the early rounds when he was beating on Pavlik. I don't know, that excuse rang hollow with me, because Taylor did have some moments after the second round. I thought him far fom inept.

But going into the seventh round, all of the judges had Taylor ahead, as we found out later. I think the range was 3 to 5 points, as Pavlik was paying a high price for the 10-8 second round. It was a close fight, but as usual, the champ was getting favored on all cards. But then came the seventh round. Pavlik was working the jab, and eventually backed Taylor into the ropes. Then he hit him with a hard right. Taylor was hurt and moved into the corner, and you could see Pavlik sensing the kill. He hit him with several shots including a big uppercut and the referee didn't even count as Taylor appeared out on his feet and then sunk to the canvas during that final onslaught of punches.




















I actually leapt out of my chair on this one. I was very excited to see Pavlik win the title. He has a style that connects with the fans. He had lots of support from the live audience this evening, and maybe he can now fight a little closer to home. I'd love to see a title fight around here.

Visitor

44 Across: Actor on TV's "The Virginian" (7 letters) Answer: McClure Today's puzzle was OK. But what was that salute to Japan yesterday with: "Kirin Carpenter", "If You Knew Sushi" and "Kimono Dragons"?

Another quarter has zipped by. That means it's time to check the credit score. It's 799 this time. I like that very much. However, it seems that FICO has borrowed something from the "Big Lebowski". They compare you to the folks known as FICO High Achievers. As in, "you have a 2% rate of actual debt to allotted credit, while most FICO High Achievers average 7%". That made me laugh when I saw it.

Meal of Links

"The Office" returns tonight with a super-sized episode. Of course, that means Creed is back!

David Gilmour pretty much ends any further discussion of a Pink Floyd reunion. "I suspect that our conjunction of people and musicality and taste and intelligence has run out of steam. Roger thought it had in 1975". Uh-oh.

Michigan busts a pop can smuggling ring. No one named Kramer or Newman in the indictment.

Newman: "What is this 'MI, Ten Cents'?"

Kramer: "That's Michigan. In Michigan, you get ten cents."

Newman: "Ten cents!?"

Kramer: "Yeah."

Newman: "Wait a minute. You mean you get five cents here, and ten cents there? You could round up bottles here and run 'em out to Michigan for the difference."

Kramer: "No, it doesn't work."

Newman: "Whaddaya mean it doesn't work? You get enough bottles together..."

Kramer: "Yeah, you overload your inventory and you blow your margins on gasoline. Trust me, it doesn't work."

Exercise Yard

I haven't mentioned the Women's World Cup at all. Part of it is sexism, the other part is it's being held in China and there is that thing called the International Dateline, so the matches are typically played at 5:00 and 8:00 a.m. Eastern. But the US coach, Greg Ryan, pulled a coaching move worthy of Grady Little or Wade Phillips. His mistake? He pulled the starting goalkeeper, Hope Solo, in order to recapture the past glory of Briana Scurry.

On paper, the move looked bad. Scurry will be remembered as one of the greatest keepers in the women's game. But she had not really played that much in the last three years. Coach Ryan thought it would be good to start her because of her history vs. Brazil. Solo, besides having a cool name, had not been beaten in 41 matches and had clean sheets in her last three.

The problem is you can't just pull a keeper on a whim. Of course, this match was a disaster and Brazil won, 4-0. And Hope Solo was none too happy about it.

Hope Floats...An Opinion or Two



Visitor

48 Across: G-funk sound creator, familiarly (3 letters) Answer: Dre

Now that my Dad can see, I took him to dinner. I had a gift certificate (courtesy of Cleveland Independents) laying around for Mavis Winkle's, which was gonna expire tomorrow, so we went today. We both opted for corned beef. He for a sammie and me for a dinner. I thought it was pretty decent. Boy, they had a nice whole grain mustard sauce that was yummy.

Not bad overall. This was the Independence location, where the old Cooker once stood. We sat in the bar section, so we could see the Tribe's home game in Seattle. Nice selection on tap. I had a couple of Harps. Some Irish music in the background, and thankfully, not in my ear.

Meal of Links

Has Bill O'Reilly gone mad? Even more on Olbermann from The Nation.

Toyota recalls floor mats. That might be a first.

The Superficial notes that Victoria Beckham celebrates "The War" and dresses like a Nazi. A commenter notes: Himmler Chic.





















Exercise Yard

Why you can't name a horse Nutzapper. Or, if you can, don't brag about it. But the Jockey Club has decided that some interesting names do pass the test. Jail Bait (twice) and Cunning Stunt somehow sneaked by. I think Rock Hard Ten was the last one on the national stage that was kinda funny.

Visitor

48 Down: Immortal racer Earnhardt (4 letters) Answer: Dale

The new TV season has kicked off this week. I have to DVR some things like "Chuck" tonight and "Reaper" tomorrow. That's because I am totally digging Ken Burns' "The War" on PBS. Quite frankly, I eat this stuff up. I think it's very good, and after tonight's episode, we've already covered 1942 and 1943. You tend to pick up tidbits that I was unaware of, like how many U.S. merchant vessels were destroyed rather close to our shores in 1942 and how one division heading for Rome in 1943 had 58 straight days of combat, losing 3200 men, while covering only 50 miles of terrain between Napoli and Roma.

Told in first person accounts from four US Cities: Mobile, Sacramento, Waterbury, CT and Luverne, MN. It's interesting because you'll get stories from someone who was at Bataan, another with Patton through Sicily and Italy, another at Guadalcanal (my Dad told me that was when he bailed on watching-"too much death"), another guy aboard a Flying Fortress trying to bomb those seemingly indestructible ball bearing plants a la "Hogan's Heroes".

The only criticism I had was that Part I ended with a pretty obvious edit. In order to satisfy the Latino "What About Us?" protests about their apparent exclusion, it was obvious that there was an addendum made after the fact. Oh, the story was great. It dealt with Carlson's Raiders, a guerrilla fighting force unlike anything the US had in its Army before. So, that was neat. But it did give the appearance of throwing a bone to the Latinos and let's move on.

Meal of Links

There's good and bad when looking at these awesome cars for 2008. I guess the good is that the price is mentioned, but the bad is, well, who can afford these automobiles? But, omigod, look at that Shelby. Someday...someday.

Mark Cuban, with his new hip, says he'll pull out all of the white man's moves for "Dancing With The Stars". Handicapping the field.

There is an alleged Meg White sex tape floating about the Internets today. I've seen it and I place the likelihood of it being her at about 0%. Oh, it's a woman. She has dark hair. That's where the resemblance ends, I'd say.

Exercise Yard

You know there's always been ridiculous announcing on sporting events. Don't get me started on Steve Lyons talking about Carlos Beltran's pet monkey during an important at-bat during a playoff game a few years ago.

But why did Mike Patrick reference Britney Spears during an overtime game when Alabama just moved ahead of Georgia? Todd Blackledge was even confused by this. Oh, it's an all-timer.



Mike: "I have an important question for you."
Todd: "Yes?"
M: "What is Britney doing with her life?"
T: "Who?"
M: "Britney!"
T: (confused) "Britney who?"
M: "Spears! What is she doing with her career?"
T: (still confused) "Why do we care at this point? Is she here?"
M: "I don't think so."
T: (even more confused) "Is she a football fan?"
M: "Oh, I'm sure she is."

Visitor

23 Across: Singer Orbison (3 letters) Answer: Roy (Mercy!)

Hey, I just realized hitting the space bar twice on the BlackBerry results in a period being typed. How did I miss that? I'm also curious as to what Marcel Marceau's last words were. Here are his funeral arrangements.

Today was the Browns first regular season road game and that meant a visit to Paul's. Today it was pulled pork sammies and they were good. I'm not really sure what to make of today's game. Actually, I do. Uh, we're not very good. Too many early penalties, the time of possession tilted heavily to the Raiders in the second half, and we had a blocked field goal at the end which would have won the game.

I am amazed we even had a chance to win. Oakland helped out by not scoring touchdowns inside the 5-yard line in the first half and settled for field goals. Once again, we could not stop the fuckin' run. Today, it was 186 yards. That is not acceptable. Derek Anderson had two Derek Anderson-like interceptions in the first half, but somehow cobbled a late drive to put us in position to win. Thanks to Kellen Winslow with two fine catches.

The killer play was in the fourth quarter, and it was the 3rd-and-23 screen pass that went for 27 yards by the Raiders. Now, that is unacceptable. Once again, the defense looked shabby and if Josh Cribbs had not run back a kickoff, I'm not sure we would have even been that close. Next week, it's the Ravens.

Meal of Links

Since it's an EPL morning, I got to have the big breakfast at home. I'm a fan of wheat bread, but I have been eating bolillo lately. I must say, it's pretty good. Nice change of pace from your normal wheat breads.

A nice contrast of movie references from "The Simpsons". Scenes from the show next to their movie counterparts. Probably more to come.

More Rove political schemes are uncovered. No surprise here.

Exercise Yard

Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis has a MySpace page. I laughed quite a bit at that one.

Visitor

None. Another great September Sunday.

Is there a more thankless job than cleaning your garage? I can't think of any. But that's what I've been doing lately. Fun factor kinda on the low side.

I've also been trying to sneak in a last bit of grilling, as well. Last night, it was chicken. Today, I tried the "salt the shit out of your steak" preparation I had come across earlier. I had a strip steak and thought it worked out pretty well. Fairly tender, but I am going to try it a little more on the rare side next time to see the results. So far, so good though. I'll see how a different cut works, as well.

Hey, I yelled "Jesus Christ" at some driver in the Post Office parking lot today. Just as a nun was walking by. Is that bad? She didn't say anything or look. Well, as far as I know, because I had something urgent I had to look for in my glove compartment. Didn't find anything, I mean, it, before I moved on.

Thought I'd finally watch some college football today, as I am waiting for the Pavlik-Taylor fight next Saturday. But all the late afternoon games were shitty. And what's the deal with Ohio State on both ABC and ESPN locally? Cannot think of a dumber move. Anyhow, those games became nothing more than background noise after a while. But I noticed songs by Bob Mould (which I guess has been on a while) and Emerson, Lake and Palmer were on commercials. I think Mould was on for TIAA-CREF. ELP, I have no idea, I think it was college football related. I looked up and saw a guy being tackled. Hell, maybe it was the band during a game, I don't know.

OK, we have seen Beach Volleyball cheerleaders. Pretty fans, of course, of World Cup Soccer. Can't tell if these are cheerleaders or lap dancers at the Rugby World Cup:

























Meal of Links

Finally, a country with an exchange rate so simple, even I can understand it. Not good for us, but blame Canada. Let's see, one U.S. dollar equals one Canadian dollar. I think I can handle that.

Christmas reality show, "Clash of the Choirs". Have we reached rockbottom with this one? Wow, they rocked "Adeste Fidelis", didn't they?

The guy from O.J.'s press conference. It was damn funny.

Paul forwarded me this survey of which presidential candidate you align with the closest. According to this, I would vote for Mike Gravel and run away from electing Sam Brownback. I believe Gravel is further left than Dennis Kucinich and I'm pretty sure Brownback is the furthest to the right. But we all know they won't be on the ticket.

Exercise Yard

I'm not sure if this debuted with any fanfare, but Cleveland.com has a Browns database up and running. This covers all of the game action from 1946 to the present. A very neat tool.

It helps clarify some things you may have thought you had seen at some games. For instance, when I was a kid, did Thom (the original Jhonny) Darden really fumble away an interception return when no one was within 20 yards of him against the Bengals. Yes, he did. Here is how it was described: "There was one sack and an interception by Thom Darden.

The Cleveland safety made his steal in the second quarter when the Bengals seemed ready to move in for another score. Darden grabbed the ball at his 3 but lost control and fumbled out of bounds at the Cleveland 30. He appeared to have a clear path to a touchdown or a long gain at the least."

We lost that game, 10-7.

Even then, the horrible plays stuck with me.

Visitor

42 Across: Uncle (4 letters) Answer: Ben's BTW, awful clues/answers today. Zodiac sign was "The Crab"? Duh-umb.

I was in one of those traffic jams this morning where you just have to suck on it and like it. It took me twice the drive time as normal. Not really sure where the accident was on 480, but there was fire, and EMS and more fire. It took me an hour to get from Ridge to 77 today. So, it was roll the windows down and crank the music time.

Oddly enough, Elvis came on with "Welcome to the Working Week". But I heard stuff from Nine Inch Nails, Sublime, The Used, the new one from Beck, Talking Heads, T. Rex, Public Image amongst others, so I was able to tolerate it.

Meal of Links

Bob Dylan, Elvis Costello and Jack White were at the Ryman last night? And, pray tell, who was here in Podunk last night? Damn it.

This time, it truly was a last lecture. More here.

"The View" picked another gem as a host. Seriously, if you don't know the world is round, how do you get on a nationally-broadcasted show and offer opinions? On anything. And to say it's unimportant and try to change the subject is just ridiculous.

Exercise Yard

Floyd Landis is mercifully running out of appeals. It's too bad that one of the coolest things I ever saw became tainted and has retained its joke status.

Visitor

18 Across: Journalist on ice? (10 letters) Answer: NHL Mencken

My Dad went missing this a.m. Not for a long time, but for about 90 minutes or so, no one knew where he was. Of course, like most members of our family, we have pinned inside of our clothing this message, "If found, take me to Alesci's." and that's where he turned up.

You see, he was supposed to go the Indians game via the rapid. Through some sort of miscommunication, he went to the Puritas station while his partners in crime were waiting at the Brookpark station, which happens to be before his stop. Thinking he was late, he hops on a train and goes Downtown, while the search party gets cranked up and others are still at the Brookpark station. Yeah, it's tough not to fear the worst, but it was well established he had just made two phone calls in the previous hour. It was obvious he had left home, so I was pretty convinced it was a case of going to the wrong station.

He normally has his cellphone with him, but left it home today. Imagine the nerve of that guy, going places without a cellphone. Some people! But the crisis would have been averted if he had it, so that became today's lesson. And he saw a win. Just in time for his eye surgery tomorrow.

BTW, I happened to take advantage of the half-moonlit evening and walk through the part of my neighborhood that is more hood, than neighborly. The thing that struck me is that some of those businesses around there were not doing very well. The pizza place had no one there. The bar a couple of doors down only had two customers. But they have dollar drafts from 1:00 to 7:00, so maybe that's when it's crowded. Even the funeral home had not one wake. That's hard to believe. The crazy thing was the Palm Reader was still open. That seemed odd to me. I guess you never know when you get the urge to drop in on a seer, although if she could see the future, that's probably why she was open late.

Meal of Links

Ahoy, matey, and grab a schooner of Coke. I hope you got to Talk Like A Pirate today.

DirecTV is getting closer to its goal of 100 HD channels by year's end. Pretty easy to determine Time Warner's response, because I don't see any in the article.

Ray-guns are so cool. I prefer the early cartoon version myself.

















Exercise Yard

Jose Mourinho throws in the towel at Chelsea. Only adds to my viewing of the big Chelsea-ManU match on Sunday.

Visitor

21 Across: Ring master (3 letters) Answer: Ali

It's pretty sad when a guy gets the taser at a John Kerry lecture. This scene was disturbing on so many levels. First, we have a known prankster involved who probably didn't think it would escalate into what happened. We have the student committee who sponsored the event call in security. We have students in the audience encouraging security to remove the guy. Security cannot contain this guy? And Kerry reminds me of Al Lerner after Bottlegate at the Stadium: "Carmen, did you see any bottles? I didn't see any bottles." Kerry said he didn't know until he left the building that the kid got tasered. Bullshit, I say.

Maybe, he should listen to The Clash.

The Clash-"Know Your Rights"



Meal of Links

Catching up with Sean Young. Oh man, she makes my boy parts move.

Ten funniest Internet sites. Some obvious choices here. "Funny or Die" is newer, but really good. "Overheard in New York", a timeless classic.

Tim Horton's might not be a good stock play, but I'm sensing a Butter Caramel Smoothie in my near future. Methinks I'll flip a coin for the direction I travel. I'll take Romeo with me.

Exercise Yard

O.J. hates the World Series. Remember the World Series was cancelled last time he committed felonies. Be alert, October.

Visitor

32 Across: Terrell who sang with Marvin Gaye (5 letters) Answer: Tammi

Denise asked me to go the Tribe game this evening, and you know I cannot pass on club seats. I think I did better this team by only snorting down the left side of the menu. It's good to go with someone who is familiar with this section, because you get to find out where the bathrooms are (who knew I had choices?) and I stumbled upon my new favorite activity, playing with the soda dispenser.

Anyhow, this developed into quite an exciting game as the Indians won in the eleventh inning, courtesy of a home run off the bat of everyone's favorite, Casey Blake. Other fan fave, Jhonny Peralta homered twice, including a game-tying shot in the eighth. The Tigers are not done, but this was one bitter defeat, blowing a 5-2 lead in the eighth. We are very close now. Start crossing fingers and lighting candles. The magic number is now 7.

Meal of Links

Times Select is over! Hey, if this was successful, they'd continue to charge for access, right? It's about time the NYTimes was free online again.

A Seinfeld time waster!

Even SNL staffers got tired of Jimmy Fallon's antics. I excuse his laughing on "More Cowbell" and not much else.

Exercise Yard

It's O.J. again. Time to call the lawyers again. Let's see, Johnnie's dead. Kardashian's dead. Shapiro is still around, I see him on some commercial. Scheck does great work with The Innocence Project and I don't think DNA tests are part of this case. Hey, there's always F. Lee Bailey.

Visitor

18 Down: Journalist Bly (6 letters) Answer: Nellie

Randomness from today's Browns home game:

















Chad Johnson jumped into the Dawg Pound today, but they seem to be telling him his circle's gotta go.

Special Guest: I took Shaun, attending his first Browns game at Cleveland Browns Stadium. When it comes to the NFL, I subscribe to the theory that you're never as bad or good as you showed the previous week. Browns Version 2.3 cannot be this bad, can they?

Last week's pessimism was spot on and did we have a week of "lack of institutional control" or what? The starting QB, Charlie Frye (who I was never sold on), just declared the starter, is now traded after one of the worst performances I've ever seen. So, now we are left with Derek Anderson to drive the bus, while Brady Quinn gets familiar with the owner's manual. Not sure how good Anderson will be, but I thought he was clearly better than Frye, but the coaches seem to have a mistrust about him. I look for better things today, but not great.

I expect "Brady, Brady!" chants early and hopefully there isn't a riot at the game.

Today's Opponent: Another one of our division rivals, the Cincinnata Bengals. As old Browns coach Forrest Gregg used to say, "The Cincinnata Bengals are a fine football team." They had a big win against the Ravens on Monday night. Most people use the Monday Night Hangover theory to say the Bengals may not be that good today. But aren't the Browns the hair of the dog for everyone these days? This should be a revenge game for the brutal shutout they put on us here last year. Strangely, I don't think anyone on the team mentioned it this week. The Bengals defense seemed better last week, causing lots of turnovers, reminiscent of 2005. Carson Palmer leads a really good offense. We have kept Chad Johnson in check lately, and Rudi (Rudi Can't Fail!) Johnson normally runs all over us, except for that shutout last year. If the Bengals have no one arrested on the way here, they will probably win today.

The Weather: A little bit cloudy early. But the sun came out, the temperature was about 65 and it was a very nice day to watch a game.

Today's Giveaway: The Browns gave away some sort of flag item today. The sponsor was my mobile carrier, AT&T Mobility.

















Is this a dream? Is it still Sunday morning? Pinch me.

Section 345: Let me say this. This game was like finding a hundred dollar bill on the sidewalk. No, make that $500. Absolutely unexpected. It was nine years of frustration coming out in one glorious afternoon. Crowd into it in a massive way, even though the bathroom by our section was starting to flood by the end of the third quarter. No fights in our section, no defense from either team and the guy from Home Depot was seen delivering lights because the toteboard was starting to run out of them.

Best Browns Play: Probably not seen on TV. But after Jamal Lewis scampered for a 47-yard gain in the fourth quarter, Kellen Winslow did a cartwheel on the field. A cartwheel! That's how giddy everyone was getting.


















Second-Best Browns Play: I loved the Browns first TD to Joe Jurevicius. Quite simply, Anderson threw a pass for the score that Charlie Frye cannot.

Worst Browns Play: The score is 41-38, Browns. They run Lawrence Vickers on a fourth-and-1 on the Bengal 49 for his only carry of the day. No gain, of course. Sick feeling returns immediately to my stomach.

Best Line from Me: "I think hell is chilly today, because we're back in the playoff hunt." by a nose over "Derek Anderson has thrown for five TDs today." Not a gem, but I like typing "Derek Anderson has thrown for five TDs today." a lot.

Best Line from Shaun (after the win): "You may want to keep in mind, I AM the good luck charm." by a nose over "Hey, I just heard Peter Jennings died."

Best Line from a Nostradamus (while waiting for the escalator, taunting Bengal women): "The score is gonna be Browns, 33-31, late. And you're gonna be mad when your boy throws an interception and we win." I thought him an idiot, but props to him, you drunken sage, you.

Oddest Browns Jersey: 66 Zukauskas, 57 Bentley, 84 Chiaverini. My God, a Chiaverini!

Food Items: Shaun said two beers and two hot dogs totalled $22. Twice.

Best Fan Cam Feature: Anyone yelling for the Browns. I'm telling you, medics were called, because people were in pain from smiling too much. It was so stupidly euphoric.

The Fuckin' Run: The Browns gave up 137 yards on the ground. Miraculously, they ran for 226 with Jamal Lewis getting 215.

Worst Stat: It took me 55 minutes to get home. Because most people stayed at the game, for once.

2nd Worst Stat: Today? Dwell on any negatives? No fucking way.

Most Interesting Stat: The Browns had a 300-yard passer, a 200-yard rusher and two 100-yard receivers. They had never done that as a member of the NFL.

A game that was one for the ages. Both teams combined for over 1,000 yards in offense. There have been MONTHS where the Browns have not gained that many yards. This was a game where the Bengals did this:

Carson Palmer, 33 out of 50 for 401 yards and 6 TDs

Rudi Johnson, 23 rushes for 118 yards.

Chad Johnson, 11 catches for 209 yards and 2 TDs

and incredibly, the Browns still won. Somehow, the football gods smiled upon our little hamlet today. And the guy I saw today with this t-shirt: "Cleveland: A Drinkin' Town With a Football Problem" may have to get a new tailor. Or at least he can buy a Derek Anderson jersey and not rent one. I am reminded of the old Raider broadcaster, Bill King and his call of the infamous Holy Roller to describe today's game.

"It's not real! A man would be a fool to ever try and write a drama and make you believe it. And now, this one will be relived - forever!"

Browns win, 51-45, in what may have been the most improbably delirious game I'll ever see.

Meal of Links

I probably won't camp in Alaska.

Lots of sites about movies. You may want to find out something about an actor, perhaps. Someone like Russell Crowe, for instance.

Lloyd Carr knows Russell Crowe. But Jim Tressel knows how to beat Lloyd Carr. Can't figure out which is more important.

Exercise Yard

The Tigers are coming to Jacobs Field this week. These three games are the whole season right here.

Visitor

None. It's another Browns Sunday.

The folks at Purple Heart did it again. They ask me if I'll have a bag of clothes. I say yes. Then they insist on calling back to confirm. Why do I need to call back. My word is good. Sure enough, two bags ready and they aren't picked up. Unbelievable.

"They know the bags are here, they know the number, they know I want to give. Why do I need to call back, just take the bags."

Meal of Links

Check this out. You can check out what people are editing the most on Wikipedia.

Bourdain does a holiday special with Queens of the Stone Age. Should be a classic.

Why MTV hates you. They really do, you know.

Exercise Yard

The life of a long snapper.

Visitor

42 Across: Wilson of "La Femme Nikita" (4 letters) Answer: Peta (But what about this clue? 59 Across You might hit it if you're tired. Hey now!)

I've got some major cable modem trouble this evening. I need to make this quick. Is our President coloring his hair? Seemed darker during his speech tonight. Hey, it's "CSI Song".

Meal of Links

Add The Cure to the list of bands who have rescheduled dates for a tour. Strangely, they are not here until June 2008. Looks like Quicken is anticipating the Cavs playing late in that month next year, as the venue was not announced. BTW, the AT&T Blue Room has the Austin City Limits Music Festival on this weekend.

Marc Bolan died 30 years ago this weekend. This guy was always very interesting.

Do not mess with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. To borrow a phrase from "Dragnet", he's got balls the size of churchbells. He brings the hammer down hard on the Patriots.

Exercise Yard

Lewis Hamilton lives another day to fight for the F1 drivers title. But his team, Mercedes McLaren, gets the Dr. Evil-like fine of $100 million dollars. They lose all of their constructor championship points, too. You see, they were cheating.

Visitor

20 Across: One who ran a Mickey Mouse operation (6 letters) Answer: Eisner

Hey, my old friend from the Purple Heart called. So, I got to get a couple of bags together. Geez, they used to give you more warning, I thought.

I also received my first bill from AT&T Mobility. Not a book, but they keep track of everything.

BTW, is that Iggy I hear on that Vera Wang Kohl's ad?

Meal of Links

The White Stripes have cancelled their American tour. Meg White has "acute anxiety" and cannot travel. Therefore, I am very glad I saw them when I did. Looks like the UK portion is still on...we'll see. And it's Zeppelin, man, for one show.

If you salt your meat, you better be aware of who you serve it to. It might mean jail.

I hate young people.

Exercise Yard

After watching the Browns preseason, I was still surprised how Charlie Frye was rated better than Derek Anderson. I understand that's like picking between dumb and dumber, but to have Frye drummed out of town so quickly shows the organization does not know what the hell it's doing. I wonder of they are renting Anderson jerseys at the team shop this week.

Rating all of the NFL unis.

Visitor

67 Across: "The Bathers" artist (6 letters) Answer: Renoir

I'm wondering what the protocol is when you meet a dog. I'm talking about the four-legged variety, of course. Sometimes when I am walking around the neighborhood, a much quieter place since the departure of Future Felon, there are people out with their dogs. Tonight, there was an old-timer walking his Scottie dog. So, I see him up ahead and sure enough the dog comes over by me.

I like dogs, so I don't ever ask the owner, I just go ahead and start petting the dog. I haven't lost any flesh yet, so I keep doing it. I mean, I'll always ask the dog how he's doing. The owner says, "You always like to meet people, don't you?" I said, "Oh, you must have me confused with Cousin Ron.". Then I realized he was talking to the dog. Not really, but do I need to ask for the dog's name or is there some sort of small talk obligation to the owner. I need to know these things.

I also saw a skunk later on. Now, what kind of a pact do we have with them?

Meal of Links

The life of a Fact Checker. Bill Murray stars. Mel from "Flight of the Conchords" also drops in.

Hey, the new "Crosswords" show is on. I was not happy with last Saturday's puzzle, BTW. Many stupid answers.

Paul Byrd, author. The part about struggling with pornography on the road should be fascinating. I'm sure his disputes with the front desk about ordering porn are classic.

Exercise Yard

The Browns have have only won 20 games at home since their return. They have lost 45. In 2006, San Diego won all 8 of their home games, 40% of the Browns home win total of 8+ years. Another Fun Fact to know and tell. BTW, this Onion article from last week on Brady Quinn was really funny.

The man who fired Joe Tait, former hated Cavs owner Ted Stepien, died today. Stepien was known as "TS", as in "Too Stupid". During his period of ownership, the Cavs were the laughingstock of all sports. Every damn one of them. I can remember Stepien being consistently blasted by Pete Franklin on 1100 and Doug Clarke in the Cleveland Press. He sued both of them.

This article pretty much sums it up on Stepien as NBA owner.

Visitor

40 Across: Dwarf who gets blessed a lot? (6 letters) Answer: Sneezy

Randomness from today's Browns home game:

Ah, Opening Day Pageantry for the Browns:

















Special Guest: My brother Jeff, along with his uncanny Browns winning percentage, is in attendance at today's game. The Browns ("Here in Cleveland? I didn't know they still had a team!") Version 2.3 seems to be teetering on the brink.

It could be the brink of a disaster or the start of something good. Knowing the Browns as I do, I lean heavily toward the former. Why the pessimism? We have a coach who may be fired, if there are no wins on this early schedule. Which includes our division rivals in the first three home games. Our starting quarterback seems to be in the position of keeping the seat warm for the heir apparent. Our new O.C., "Chud", showed absolutely nothing in the preseason, and the new offense looked a lot like the old offense, except for some motion packages. Is he a poker player or a genius? Time will tell. We have no suitable backup at running back. And, by God, what is my epitaph? "We still can't stop the fuckin' run."

Usually, Opening Day should be teeming with optimism. The grass always looks greener, the Browns look browner and the hot dogs are, well, hot doggier. But these appear to be the perennial SOBs (Same Old Browns) they've been since their return.

















Browns Spirit Flag: The Browns unveiled a Spirit Flag today. They also played "Smells Like Teen Spirit" after their only TD. I said, "It smells like team spirit...like crap."

Today's Opponent: Our hated rivals, the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Stillers come to town with a new head coach, one of the youngest in the league. They also have a mascot for the first time in their history, one Steely McBeam. The QB, Ben Roethlisberger, is healthy once again. Last year, the unhealthy version torched us in a 4th quarter comeback. They run the ball well and it seems like a typical Steeler team.

The Weather: Not looking promising early Sunday morning. However, as the morning progressed, it appeared most of the rain moved out. And it did, until the 4th quarter, when it rained pretty hard for several minutes.

Today's Giveaway: The Browns gave away orange towels that were supposed to counteract the Terrible Towel of the Steelers. I didn't get one, but I believe the towel read, "Here we go Brownies, here we go!"

Section 345: Hey, you could tell the Steelers were in town. The "Asshole" chants were prevalent and, of course, the gendarmes were called at least three times to quell any disturbances between fans of the rivals. Obviously, it was the Steelers fans fault, as it always seems to be.

Yes, I did forget that one of the people escorted out was probably our favorite jersey of the day. An orange jersey with the number 7&7 and the name "Drunken Monkey".

Best Browns Play: The flyover at the beginning of the game. I just loves me those flyovers, with real military jets. Later on, there was a Modell flyover, when a commercial jet was headed for Hopkins.

Second-Best Browns Play: Gene Hickerson was presented with his Hall of Fame ring today. For the veteran fans of the Browns in the crowd, it was an extremely nice gesture. Randy Lerner does a lot of these things the right way.

Worst Browns Play: Browns get the opening kickoff. Everyone excited. Let's start the season right, men. First play: 2-yard run. Like "Deal or No Deal", that's OK. Second play: Incomplete pass. Mmmm, that's familiar. Third play: Sack. Uh-oh. Bring on the punt team.

Our new punter, Paul Ernster fumbles the snap, picks up the ball, runs to his left, kicks, then gets drilled. Ball only goes 15 yards. In the meantime, flags are flying everywhere. Then, like a scene from a CYO game, the ref tells us there are four penalties, all on the Browns. Just when you think you've seen it all, like the year under Marty Schottenheimer, when the Browns used anywhere from 8 to 13 players on a play, this occurs. I'm not sure I've ever seen three, let alone four fouls on one team. There was an illegal formation, two holdings and a bunch of illegal men downfield. A microcosm of all that ails this team.

Oh, and the Roethlisberger-to-Holmes 40-yard pass was a thing of beauty to watch. But that play was bad for us.

Best Line from Me (after we get the ball trailing, 24-0): "There's a gleam, men!"

Best Line from Jeff (after another stupid replay challenge): "Maybe he needs a Challenge Coordinator." This now makes Romeo zero-for-a million on replay challenges. Jeff thinks he needs to throw the beanbag like a man, so the refs treat him with respect.

Best Line from a Random (after another Derek Anderson incomplete pass): "You suck, too."

Oddest Browns Jersey: Again with the extremely poor choices. The typical: 2 Couch, 5 Garcia, 10 Holcomb, 31 Green (can you think of anymore reviled players here?) But these were the oddest: 12 Strock, 38 Langham, 57 Rudd (the most peculiar, by far), 81 Morgan (in orange and white) and a bizarre trio of people wearing 81 Bryant (very strange).

Food Items: Brat $4.75, Dr. Pepper $3.50. My brother, apparently on his way to the electric chair, had 2 hot dogs, a pretzel and a pop. OK, I shared some of the pretzel.

Best Fan Cam Feature: I have had it with these halftime highlights the Browns present. Today, "Baghdad Dave" Chudowsky delivers the news through some sort of Browns Filter. Please note, we are getting our asses kicked, 17-0, at the half. But you wouldn't know it from the highlights. Once again, they refuse to show any Steeler scores. It gets worse, as they show a pass completion from Charlie Frye, who was unceremoniously yanked as QB early. WTF? They show random Browns plays that actually gained yardage, and there were not many. Then, looking for some sort of silver lining, he utters what may have been the most preposterous thing I've ever heard: "The Browns are looking good on Time of Possession." I mean, seriously, can this guy right now. Unbelievable. Amazingly, they only had the ball for about 2 minutes in the second half.

The Fuckin' Run: The Browns gave up 206 yards on the ground. Ugh. They ran for 46. Yikes.

Worst Stat: Charlie Frye was sacked five times and lasted only 23 minutes as the Browns quarterback before he was benched. 23 minutes! Amazing.

2nd Worst Stat: Charlie Frye's QB rating was 10. You need to be really bad to get a 10. Makes you yearn for the halcyon days of Doug Peterson.

Most Interesting Stat: The Browns had five turnovers (2 interceptions, 3 fumbles)



















Why, oh why, do I continue this torture? A game of high hopes for most people, dashed so quickly. Sarcasm enters the building in record time, two minutes and one second into the game, with the botched punt. Shouts of "Brady! Brady!" echoing throughout the stands. Frye lasts 23 minutes as quarterback. Winslow with a bad penalty, Cribbs with a bad penalty. Anderson throwing behind his receivers. Frye getting sacked. Sacked again. Again. Again. Again. Jurevicius with a drop. Carter with a drop. Romeo bungling both of his replay challenges. Defense not doing much of anything. Punter will be cut this week.

Browns lose, 34-7.

Yep, this is our team:

















Welcome to the 2007 season!

Meal of Links

A look at some really bad cars. None of mine are on here.

What Congress thinks about the surge. I actually like Gen. Petraeus, but he's in a tough spot.

People can be kicked off of airplanes because of what they wear? When my Dad told me about this, I thought, boy, her outfit must have been rally racy. But now I don't think so.

Exercise Yard

The secret signs of beach volleyball. Looked at this a long time and still couldn't figure it out.

Visitor

None. Are you ready for some football? Hey, the Browns are playing, too.

I saw the experience that is The Killers last night. S. and I headed Downtown to check them out. Boy, the preview article sounds like a band of full of themselves, but we must soldier on. We were at Becky's fore and aft.

The Venue: This show took place at The Bart on the campus of one Cleveland State University. It's normally not that bad of a place to see a show. This, of course, was the "Half-House" setup with a General Admission pit on the floor and the big curtain behind the stage sectioning off the rest of the arena.

The Opening Act: This was Louis XIV, a band I describe as the "kind of band you hear on the radio and can't wait to change the channel." OK, they are not that heinous, but close. Needless to say, we didn't arrive until after they were done. I asked the young man next to me how they were. He replied, "If I knew they were going to be that bad, I would have come in the same time as you." Uh-oh.

Things I Noticed: The Bart-Tender was told ahead of time there would be a bunch of kids there, he wouldn't be busy. Wrong'em boyo. He had a huge line. BTW, chaperone hat was not even in danger of coming out on this one...who knew? And another thing, the shorts on these women keep getting shorter and shorter and shorter and then they'll tell two friends and then they'll two friends and so on and so on and so on.

I decided I could do many of the moves that the lead singer, Brandon Flowers, does. He walked across the stage monitors up front, pumped his fist a few times, waved his arms theatrically on other occasions and moved about rather oddly. Virtually no stage banter. Hey, I can do that.

The Tickets: We had tickets in Section 114. This is a section on the east side of the arena, one of the sections that faces the stage. Our section was directly in the middle. No sitting for this one either, so I can't speak to how comfortable the chair might have been. Oh, and someone kept farting. Now, THAT was heinous.

The Sound: Awful. One of the worst I've heard at CSU. Keyboards were tinny, lyrics were extremely muddy. I know it's very early in the tour, but jeezy creezy!

The Stage: The setup was rather sparse, I thought. They came out to a video that took us to Sam's Town. Vegas, baby! And the title of their latest album. For a while, I thought we were getting video from Area 51, as there were lots of desert shots. Finally, the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign is shown and we're off! That was the last piece of video for the evening, as this was projected on a thin curtain at the front of the stage. There was a lighted Sam's Town logo hanging at the back of the stage. Some sort of odd white Christmas light design, hung on the keyboard up front and two speakers on the side.

We have guitar on the left, lead singer w/keyboard in the middle, bass on right, upper right had keyboards, drummer in upper middle. He also had a big gong, but I'll be damned if I saw him use it. Then again, I was drinking.

Oh, yeah, the confetti. When they first entered the stage to the song "Sam's Town", these bits of confetti were coming down through red, white and blue lights. It seemed like overkill, because I thought they dropped a lot. Not convention-like, mind you, but a sizable amount.

The Music:: Sound aside, The Killers put on the type of show I thought they would. The show was about 90 minutes long and they look like they should be having more fun, and sometimes the audience appears not to get into some songs, because of that. The energy level increases tenfold when one of their hits is played. They only have two albums, but are played rather consistently on XM, and it's obvious that the youth like them. So, there is a rather odd sense the band can do whatever they want because of their early success, and I think they choose to do that. I'd put them in the reasonably entertaining category.

They played all of the hits, including: "Mr. Brightside", "Smile Like You Mean It", "Somebody Told Me" and "When You Were Young". And a bunch of stuff I did not know.

They also did two covers in the encore: "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" (yes, that version and I still know the words) and Joy Division's (that band again) "Shadow Play". And, of course, they closed with "All These Things That I've Done". Remember "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier."

Soeder's review is here.

Meal of Links

Passport update. I received my passport yesterday. The renewal was sent on August 7 and I received the new one on September 7. This was regular processing, not expedited, and I got it one month's time. No horror stories at all. As a matter of fact, it was issued on August 21, only two weeks after I sent in the application.

The most rockin' song of all time. Could it really be "Ramble Tamble"? I tell ya what, that ain't that bad of a choice. But, obviously, there are so many others that could qualify. The comments indicate that tunes from The Stooges, Doors, The Who and many, many others could qualify. Great to see the love for "20th Century Boy", which I think makes it on all criteria, especially the drive faster part. And with that great T. Rex lyric, "Well it's plain to see you were meant for me. Yeah, I'm your toy, your 20th century boy." A staple on my listening chart. Really some other good ones like "The Rocker" by Thin Lizzy. Without question, their best song. And "Highway Star" by Deep Purple. "Ace of Spades", too. Hah! This was a pretty good read.

Hey, folks! Salt your meat!

Exercise Yard

MLB is fairly confident the Indians will win the division. We did not have to participate in any coin flips. BTW, lead is down to 5 games.

Visitor

14 Down: Legendary swimmer (10 letters) Answer: Sea Monster

I took a walk over to my Dad's earlier this evening. So, we ended up watching "Seinfeld", is that a shock? After "Serenity Now" concluded, it's the "Alec Berg" episode, also referred to as its real title, "The Face Painter". Anyhow, something happens during the show (and I'm not saying what) and all of a sudden, my Dad says, "That's you." I said, "What?" (could have said "Serenity Now!", but I didn't.) He says, "Yeah, that's you." I told him, "I need examples." Then he got all flustered and said, "I can't pinpoint the times, but that's you!"

These things occur in the episode:

George says, "Do you realize toilet paper has not changed in my lifetime?"

Kramer says, "Oh, I'm there. Monongahela!"

Puddy paints his face for a New Jersey Devils hockey game.

Kramer gets in a fight with a monkey.

Jerry says (in a John Houseman voice), "Did you hand in your assignment, Mr. Berg?"

Was it any of these or do we have to go off the board for the answer? I know, and I may tell you someday. Not now.

Meal of Links

Is this cat asleep or dead? That reminds of myself last Sunday.

Mario Batali claims I'm not dead. Yet.

Hey, it's a Christian Bale interview. If you haven't seen "The Machinist", please do. Awesome movie.

Exercise Yard

OK, I saw some predictions for the Browns division on Deadspin. What really made me laugh were the comments. These predictions were ranked, but not by the actual names of the cities, but other things.

For instance, here are two predictions for the order of finish:

The Wire
WKRP
Mr. Belvedere
Drew Carey

Older black coach
Young black coach
Not a black coach
Oldest, fattest, blackest head coach

I think we're headed for last again.

Here's a nice recap of last week's college football news. Obviously, Michigan's loss was the Big Magilla, but look at those other big schools who bombed.

Visitor

33 Across: "Rights of Man" author (5 letters) Answer: Paine

This is unusual, but on a good note. I got an e-mail from the passport folks about the progress of my renewal. Lo and behold, it's in the mail. It looks like it's going to take only five weeks from when I sent the application. I guess the added help arrived or the fact I didn't need it for the summer worked to my advantage.
















But they were sticking to the 10-12 week turnaround for regular processing. So, I was pleasantly surprised to hear it moved along. Now I gotta fill it up.

Meal of Links

Here is another program that will convert videos. I tried it and the speed is pretty good.

Apple put out the iPhone without the Phone part and called it iTouch. It reeks of cool.

The Joy Division movie, "Control" finally has its own website. It reeks of cool even more than that iTouch. And what if I got an iTouch and then downloaded "Control" to it? I don't know if I could stand it. "Control" is my must see flick for the fall.

Exercise Yard

I decided to check out this list of NFL Power Rankings. Where are the Browns? Scrolling...scrolling...wait for it....scrolling...oh, there they are. 31st of 32 teams. Can't wait for that opening game on Sunday.

Visitor

35 Across: He led his team in homers for 18 straight years (3 letters) Answer: Ott (Did you know Mel Ott can sign his name 3 times faster than Franklin Gutierrez?)

Football has started. Boy, I am expecting big things from Michigan this year. What? They lost last week to Appalachian State? At home? Hey, Coach Carr said we can start over this week and by God, that's the proper attitude. Very reminiscent of the Belichick Occupation in Cleveland when offensive coordinator Steve Crosby said we once won a game because we had better stats.

I am playing Fantasy Football this year. Different, in that we don't have to worry about salary caps or injuries or waiver wires. We are trying a game where once you use a guy for a week, you cannot use him again for the rest of the season. Sponsored by NBC Sports. Very intriguing concept. Beauty is you don't have to spend lots of hours on it.

QBs: Harrington, Cutler
RBs: Parker, Portis
WRs: Stallworth, Holmes, Chambers
TE: Crumpler
K: Stover
Defense/Special Teams: Pittsburgh
Sunday Bonus Player: Owens

All individual, no league. Highest ranked person wins.

I'm taking the approach of waiting to use most of the superstars for games where you know they'll clean up.

Meal of Links

Name that color. Crayola has a headache.

Coming to a TV near you this fall. Farrelly Brothers: No. Kevin Smith: Yes!

Rick Rubin talks about the state of today's music industry. Looks like the record companies might have to grab concert, merchandising and Internet revenue.

Exercise Yard

Still looking for answers to that U of M debacle against Appalachian State on Saturday. Haven't found any yet, but at least it's Emo Week.

Visitor

24 Down: Rochester's boss Jack (5 letters) Answer: Benny (Nostalgia Week continues)

Things I failed to mention this past week:

No way could you be a season ticket holder for baseball and attend every game. You don't eat right, you drink a lot, you stay up late to take care of your home life. Unless you were a lottery winner, which I wasn't. Again. Twice this past week.

Mo Rocca cracked me up on one of those VH-1 shows about the '80s. They were talking about "Murder, She Wrote". He said, "Cabot Cove makes the South Bronx look like Playland."

To show how texting can get out of control, Kevin texted me while I was two seats away from him at the game. He wanted to kill the kids behind us, and didn't want to tip his hand.

Plus, I had to help Kevin finish those damn nachos again.

There was a guy at the Taste of Cleveland, who was either insane or stalking Gale. He kept doing laps around us. At first, I called him Crazy Joe Davola, but Maggie nailed it by calling him an "older Joe Dirt". Mr. Mix even tailed him to get the scoop. It was unbelievably funny.

I happened to catch this Razr ad featuring Shiny Toy Guns music. Hot chick cuttin' it up more ways then one. Hello, Moto.



While strolling around Target on Friday afternoon, I happened to push my cart right by a fine young family. A little girl was sitting in the cart and turned her head while Mom was placing something behind her in the basket. Well, she just didn't turn her head, she whipped her head around so fast for some reason, she whacked her head into the side of the cart. Rather a freak accident, but then the wailing ensued. Mom didn't seem too concerned and continued to shop, kinda of almost following me. Kid is still in major pain.

Mom: "Do you want your Daddy? Well, he's not here."
Kid: "Waaaaaaaah!"
Mom: "Would like a sucker?"
Kid: "Waaaaaaaah!"
Me: "Hey, how about giving her an icepack?"

"Flight of the Conchords" wrapped up its season on Sunday. I thought this was the surprise hit of the summer. Very funny. I thought the stronger episodes were in the middle of the run, but I never failed to laugh out loud at this one.

Meal of Links

Looks like the new Woody Allen movie stinks. Another one set in the UK, but looks like nothing special.

While at yesterday's game being buzzed by the Thunderbirds, (yes, it was the Thunderbirds), I flashed back to a game at the old Stadium. My Dad and I saw Randy Johnson absolutely fall apart during a start with the Mariners, once the planes started up. He was so tall, I think he ducked once or twice. Definitely scared the crap out of him and it was a come-from-behind win for us. We sat there in disbelief. Here is the box score. Fifth inning recap does not mention "Planes start to buzz Randy Johnson's head", but it happened. Even Felix Fermin drew a walk that inning, his second of the game. We won in the ninth on an Albert Belle single. God, that was 15 years ago.

Where to learn about food. I see they mention Chowhound...nice.

Exercise Yard

Shocking. Charlie Frye starts Sunday. Yawn.

Visitor

37 Down: Zany Martha (4 letters) Answer: Raye (And they wonder why kids don't do crosswords)

It's dark...more moonlight!

















Saturday of Labor Day weekend. That could only mean Mr. and Mrs. Mix are in from Nashville to attend the Taste of Cleveland...Yes! But the entertainment was Michael Stanley...Oh, No! Did you know "This Town is My Town"? Words cannot describe his rendition of "Purple Rain". Sarcastic arm-waving aside, it didn't resonate with me. First, Donnie Iris. Now this. I want my Cheap Trick!

So, clad in my Hasselhoff tee, I made my way down to the Tower City Amphitheater. Boy, I had lots of beer. More so than usual. Didn't realize that until I tried to open my windows when I got home. In the dark. But, here is what I ate:

Sushi from Otani

Butterfly chips from some Gyro joint

Chicken wings and cornbread from Just Like Mom's

First ever Indian food from Saffron Patch. Tandoori shrimp. The Indians like their food spicy, so I see...er, taste.

I think that was it, did I have that much beer? I must have used most of my tickets for that purpose.

Meal of Links

Finally saw Bourdain visit his nemesis, Ruhlman, on his "No Reservations" show. I gotta say, I loved it. Some people are upset that this show apparently did not represent Cleveland well. I think that'a a poor attitude. Let's face it, I thought it was a fairly accurate portrayal. I think what we're seeing here is a bunch of people who've never watched Bourdain, and a history of shows that arrive in town and disappoint. Like the time Rachael Ray went to Hornblower's. Good God! So, the kneejerk reaction ensues.

Two things though seemed out of place. The Free Stamp--hey, no one gives a shit about it. The second was unavoidable, in my opinion. Bourdain wants to take Ruhlman to a place he knows he'll dislike. Well, he can't take him to some local haunt and dis the guy's business. Fast food seems reasonable, but we're in Ohio. So, I can see where Skyline would be the choice. We do not have a local fast food giant, do we? And it's too easy to skewer Burger Head or McDonald's. On the surface, it seems OK, but it's not really Cleveland.

But I thought Bourdain walking around the industrial flats reminded me of the opening of "Baretta". Sadly, he's not gonna stumble upon some local Cleveland yak farmer who happens to be prepping tonight's family meal. So, ya gotta go with what's here. I mean, I guess it's too bad that he didn't go to another "quality" place besides Lola. For the record, I'd stack anything I've eaten at Sokolowski's or made with Sausage Shoppe items against a lot of places. And who doesn't like Hot Sauce Williams? These are really good places to eat and they do not have to be trendy, or of the wealthy clientele or highest price. I saw a comment where the Sausage Shoppe was not shown in a good light. Clearly, he was there on an off day or at least when the place was closed. Hello, the sign said closed. What, do you need, a crowd to be valid?

If you watch Bourdain's show, he is consistent with his message. Sometimes, the simplest dishes at the off the beaten path places are the tastiest and most surprising. Demonstrated that in the China episode. Same dish, two places. He made a point to say the one from the rural area was much better than the urban counterpart. I don't know why we seem to have this elitist attitude when it comes to food in this city of ours. Check out Ruhlman's blog and read the comments. Especially, Bourdain's comment about Ruhlman's use of the word "motherfucker" at Sokolowski's.

You can buy some really green cars. Unfortunately, you can't bring them to Ohio.

Randy Lerner (who was in attendance) had his biggest win as an EPL owner as the Villains dumped Chelsea today, 2-0. Big time atmosphere at Villa Park for their hated rivals. The second goal was late as Jose Mourinho could only look on.



Exercise Yard

Another day at the ballpark today. I attended with Kevin and Kevin's Dad, Richard. Well we had many beers and a couple of these pineapple upside down drinks. Needless to say, it was a lot of fun. And I was feeling not much pain and craved sleep. The Indians just did not cooperate in today's game and were shutout.

However, we did get to see parts of the Air Show. Especially good from where we were sitting, behind home plate. We had the added bonus of getting buzzed twice. Once by a solo member of the Blue Angels, the other in a formation upon their departure for the day. Very cool.

Visitor

None, it's a sunny Sunday.

I needed an excuse to wear my white pants (trust me, I looked good) one more time this summer, so Gale and I and Uncle F-Bomb went over to the patio at Velocity last night. Uncle F-Bomb had been talking up this grilled peach salad over there as "fuckin' awesome", so that was the hook to get him there. And I must say, that description was pretty accurate.

This was my first visit to Velocity since they reopened this year after a fire put them out of commission for a time. My first thought was they expanded a little bit? Yikes. Something about this location. On paper, it seems fine. Lots of car and pedestrian traffic. Well, here it is a Friday of a holiday weekend and we are down to less than 10 customers around 9:30. I look around and see all the contributory factors toward the rent and I just can't see it being a success.

Back to the food. The menu is slightly different than the one online, BTW. We opted not to have sammies, per se, or dinners, and went straight to some apps we thought might be good. Per the salad recommendation, we had two of those, potato skins, duck quesadillas and sliders (mini burgers). The salad was some prosciutto-wrapped brie-topped thing that had walnuts (I hate walnuts, but these were good), pecans and peaches in it with some sort of vinaigrette on it. It was the best salad I've ever had, no lie. Potato skins were OK, but they were the size of mushroom caps, skip those. Duck quesadillas were really good. The sliders! You get three of these and they were awfully tasty. Those are a shoutout to White Castles. Accompanied by fries, which were great, unless someone backs up the salt truck and dumps a bunch on them. Not there when that happened, but tasted the aftermath. My doctor thanks you for my visit.

Overall, it was really good. The menu is overly crowded, but if you pick your spots, you'll have more hits than misses. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem the attendance will keep this going. Let's see how winter treats them.

Meal of Links

Labor Day means marathons. If you've never seen "Dirty Jobs" on Discovery, now is the time.

I never knew Phil Collins was so hairy. I kinda liked it once, but after a couple of viewings, it would get old.

One of the dreaded places to go to on a Saturday morning is your local US Post Office. Can anyone explain why the clerks can't be up front at the opening time of 9:00. You have one guy bearing the brunt, while the other guy strolls in 10 minutes late, cashes in, does some other entry work and finally gets to his first, friendly customer of the day who has been standing in a line which consisted of:

A person who violated the socially acceptable cardinal rule of lines everywhere: Limited Transactions! She wanted passport applications, stopped mail picked up, stamps, and packages sent, a pound of chip-chopped ham, lighter fluid, and a hammock. Actually, the food, fluid and hammock were for my last meal as I lay me down and set myself on fire. Didn't need a lighter because of the next woman in line (more on her in a a minute). Thanks for being first in line and now that same queue is out the door. The clerk commented to her about what a nice attitude she had. Hey, sunshine, keep it simple next time.

A woman mailing redemption coupons to Newport cigarettes. She also had a Money Order attached. God, just end it all now. I swear this human carcinogen had at least 1,000 of these coupons stuffed in a large baggie and then had to fill out the appropriate soft envelope and then staple crap together. I actually heard her say "I can't seem to get rid of this cough." I hope she survives long enough to get her stuff.

A woman getting married in less than a month, who had received no RSVPs. Curiously, she thought, am I hated that much? Well, I can think of one person behind her in line that might think that. It seems that the person who addressed her envelopes had printed the wrong return address. Uh-oh, that number doesn't exist. Looks like a case for Dead Letter Man.

Eventually, I got my certified letter and stamps. Very socially acceptable.

Exercise Yard

I'm thinking Number 68 has no shot at becoming a Cavaliers dance team member. It appears she wandered in from the local Labor Day picnic. It reminds me of the time I saw Dorothy Fuldheim wandering around the set of Eyewitness News...during the broadcast. God Bless America!

Girl Number 83, however, in Photos 11 and 20. Yes, a thousand times, yes. I think she's a returnee and would very much like to offer weak side help to her.

Visitor

16 Across: Keys on the keys (6 letters) Answer: Alicia