Thursday, June 29, 2006

I was listening to Bob Dylan's show on XM at lunch today and realized I failed to mention how good his "Theme Time Radio Hour" is. The premise of the show is that Dylan has a theme for the week, spins some thematical songs, splices in a few cuts from movies, comedy or TV, and provides some commentary of his own. He may choose to read a lyric before or after he plays a song and usually drops in a tidbit or two about the artist. The really strange thing is to hear him crack some funny lines. I even heard him say, "Shit happens" during this week's theme, which was "Divorce". All of his Playlists, thus far, are documented here.

With this week's theme of "Divorce", the choices were heavy into country and blues and that makes for some really good listening. Of course, we got to hear Tammy Wynette and George Jones. He actually played Jerry Reed's "She Got the Goldmine, I Got the Shaft". I had not heard that one in a long time. T-Bone Walker, Hank Snow and an Ernest Tubb/Loretta Lynn duet were represented. Lefty Frizzell with that great lyric, "You're free from my name, dear, but you can't divorce my heart." Dylan also threw in a funny when he said Lefty was credited as saying, "When I got divorced, my wife and I split the house...I got the outside." Merle Travis was also on with "Divorce Me C.O.D.". Merle wrote "Sixteen Tons" AND "Smoke That Cigarette", what a talent. I thought the best was June Christy's "Love Doesn't Live Here Anymore". Man, that was torchy.

Meal of Links

More on Dylan. His XM show on Baseball made it to the Baseball Hall of Fame archives. And Bobby is doing another tour of the ballparks, actually making it to Cooperstown on Labor Day weekend. He'll be in Columbus on August 13. His new album drops August 29th.

The new Superman actually pulled a Vanilla Ice. "Quit datin' the zero and get with the hero."

BTW, I heard the old Peaches & Iggy Pop's "Kick It" this morning. That'll keep you occupied when in traffic. Iggy: "I heard you like kinky shit." Peaches: "That just depends who I'm with."

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Portugal-England play Saturday at 11:00. Mmmmm, beer.

Exercise Yard

The Cavs draft has been rated highly by most everyone. Shannon Brown and Daniel Gibson were excellent picks.

Visitor

43 Down: Lover of Escamillo, in opera (6 letters) Answer: Carmen

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Went to the Regal Beagle in Middleburg Heights last night to see "Superman Returns". Hey, it was Free Popcorn Tuesday and it beat waiting around for "Little Man". It was the 10:00 show and Gale and I sat in the lower section. That meant we got to wear our chaperone hats because the crowd was really young. We didn't have to use that authority, but we were ready.

The movie was pretty good. I liked it since there were enough pauses in the dialogue, I could easily splice in my own comments. I think my best one was when a boat was about to capsize and break in half and Lois, her son and live-in had to swim for their lives. I said, "I didn't know Kurt Russell was gonna die in this one."

The new Supe was good. Lois had big feet and smoked. I liked Kevin Spacey, who was channeling his "Swimming With Sharks" character. Jimmy Olsen got on my nerves. Parker Posey was a non-entity. Overall, it was pretty good.

Meal of Links

Michael Jackson fired his business managers. My sense is he found an advisor who can keep him from bankruptcy.

All of a sudden, this year's shark attack stories are second-hand smoke stories. I'm a non-smoker who is actually for smoker's rights. Then again, I'm in too many places that serve alcohol. Admittedly, smoke-free joints are neat, but I won't patronize a place on the basis of smoking or non.

Did Ohio really have a chance at the new Honda plant? Maybe we need gambling in this state.

World Cup Photo of the Day















The caption actually read: "Brazil always brings in the biggest fans."

Exercise Yard

Tonight is a night I will weep. In HD. Why? Because it's the NBA Draft. Every year they draft some foreign guy who's poorer than dirt and then he hits the lotto. It gets me every time. The American Dream.

Visitor

6 Down: Page of music (6 letters) Answer: Patti

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

A friend of mine at work told me she got a call from her son's day camp today. This is a camp for 12-to-14-year olds. It seems he was touched inappropriately by a girl! She continued to describe the story by saying, "The long and the short of it..." and I told her maybe she should consider a different phrase with inappropriate touching involved. Anyhow, this girl grabbed his butt and then got in front of him and started to do a "Father Nelson" on him. I give the kid credit and the Mom said basically his complaint to the authorities was a matter of hey, get this crazy person away from me.

Imagine, one minute you're gluing a leaf in a book or making macaroni art. The next minute some chick's grabbing your ass and then humpin' you. Ah, these kids and their camps today.

Meal of Links

While waiting to see "Superman" tonight, I checked out Bill Simmons' "Top YouTube Videos". Good stuff here. There's "Separate Ways" again.

Put Bruce Willis on alert. We have one of those big rocks from space due for a flyby on Monday.

Keith Richards signs on as Johnny Depp's father. Someone tell Keith it's only for a movie.

World Cup Photo of the Day















I'm digging this "joga bonito" concept.

Exercise Yard

Second round of the World Cup ended today. Brazil didn't play very well, but beat the Black Stars of Ghana, 3-0. Spain, well, Spain didn't show up today and France won, 3-1.

France and England have played terribly, but are in the quarterfinals.

Brazil has not played its best, but keeps winning. France is next.

Portugal has a shot against England, but Deco, their best player can't play.

Argentina has looked pretty good. They are the one team that matches Germany well and they play next. The Germans have looked solid, as they always do. Plus, a huge home advantage.

The Italy Diving Team draws Ukraine next. Probably the weakest of the four matches.

Next matches are Friday.

Visitor

50 Across: Teller's comedy partner (4 letters) Answer: Penn

Monday, June 26, 2006

The other day ESPN Classic ran the game when Michael Jordan scored 69 points against the Cavs. It is also known as "The Night I Outscored Jordan". We were in attendance and I threw in 71 on Pop-A-Shot. See, I was younger then, and I could score a ton when I had no one on me, when the basketballs were smaller and the rims not as tall and closer.

The beauty of the ESPN broadcast was they ignored the TNT telecast and had Joe Tait's call. It was great. Coach Lenny got tossed by Dick Bavetta, of all refs. Chucky Brown, Winston Bennett and John Morton all got playing time for the Cavs. Good to see the old Coliseum being used, but boy, that was one ugly crowd. Present company excluded, obviously.

Meal of Links

In case you were wondering how Nicole Kidman remarried in a Catholic church. "Well, this whole thing is just who knows who and favoritism."

Anna Nicole Smith's stepson died. Looks like an easy path to her riches now.

Hey, some Bavarian hunters shot Bruno. Bruno was the first bear to stroll into Germany in 170 years and I guess he should have stayed out.

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"Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi Oi!"

Exercise Yard

The Aussies got hosed at the World Cup. Phantom call leading to a Penalty Kick in the last seconds of the game puts Italy through, 1-0. Absolutely horrible call. Marcelo Balboa, who called the game, is on crack. He who has been speaking of "professional fouls" and being overly critical of the refs may have been the only non-Italian who liked the call.

The Swiss and the Ukraine went to Penalty Kicks after a 0-0 duel. Ukraine misses the first PK. I'm sensing trouble. The Swiss proceed to miss three PKs. Completely gagging on two of them. Ukraine advances.

Visitor

24 Down: ____ Lisa (4 letters) Answer: Mona

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Our own version of the Socceroos met up again at the Old Angle Tavern for this morning's England-Ecuador match at the World Cup. England gets through, 1-0. It's amazing about England in this tournament. They continue to show absolutely no creativity, cannot seem to generate any offense except for set pieces, and they still advance. England advanced from a bad group and Ecuador assumed the "happy to be there" role and didn't play very well and handed the game to England. Today it was David Beckham with the game-winner. Becks had an absoultely beautiful goal off a free kick, certainly bending it like Beckham can for the only goal of the game. He then threw up. Not that I saw that on TV, but he had to leave the game. Maybe he had a bad kraut dog or got a whiff of the "Magic Spray", the stuff that seems to heal every injured player instantly. I think he was sick from the heat. Of course, there was a fan there dressed in a suit of armor. And it was 90 degrees. I'm thinkin' he threw up, too.

Becks hurling:













Today's second game between the Netherlands and Portugal was the one to see, however. Portugal won 1-0 on a first-half goal by Maniche. The Russian ref lost complete control of this match, so we got to see lots of stuff you don't see very often. The ref was handing out cards so often, you'd think he was shopping at Nordstrom.

The goodies:

A head butt.
An intentional hand ball.
An elbow to the head.
Lots of hard tackles from behind.
The Dutch did not do the sporting thing and give possession back to Portugal after an injury. Deco gets a yellow for viciously mowing the guy down from behind to remind them to be sportsmanlike.
Deco gets a 2nd yellow card for delay, resulting in ejection, but not before a Dutchman threw him down, while trying to grab the ball and start play. An absurd call.
Dutch player goes down, Portuguese guy standing next to him, another Dutch guy, maybe Todd Gack, pushes the Portuguese guy to the turf. Cards aplenty. Ha!
Every time they show Figo, I think of "Ghostbusters".
4 red cards.
16 (an epic number) yellow cards.

So, Portugal meets England next without two players. Losing Deco was huge for Portugal and England may luck out again.

Meal of Links

A bunch of ways to eat a cheeseburger. Jimmy Buffett working on new material.

"Whistler's Mother" returns for a visit. It has been omitted from an art history text this year, so maybe this will boost its image, so to speak.

Looks like 500 English supporters were arrested in Germany. Only six more days until their next game. That means lots of drinking time.

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In the words of Nigel Powers: "There are only two things I can't stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Dutch."

Exercise Yard

"Boxing After Dark" on HBO last night lived up to its acronym of "BAD". Saw the heavyweights fight. Hated it. It was the typical dancing bear affair, because neither guy wants to get hit by a punch from a heavyweight. Calvin "The Boxing Banker" Brock won. With a name like that, you know that guy's going places. Good grief.

What made me chuckle the most was all the jail references last night. The trainer of Brock was Paul Spadafora's trainer. Paul is in jail. Mike Tyson was there. Uh, he was in jail. They showed an old highlight of Ike Ibeabuchi whipping David Tua. Ike's in jail now. Then one of last night's combatatnts had boxed Clifford "The Black Rhino" Etienne. Well, "The Black Rhino" just got handed a 150-year jail sentence last week. He robbed a check cashing business, tried to hijack a car with two kids, successfully hijacked a car with two kids in it, then shot at two policemen. I think he's in for a time.

Visitor

None, it's a World Cup Sunday. And couldn't all Sundays be like that?

Saturday, June 24, 2006

While I'm munching on an eggplant sandwich, I'm wondering what is it with eye patches that makes me so insensitive? I had gone eons without seeing anyone with an eye patch, and now I've seen two in the last two days. I guess I should perhaps question how they got the patch, maybe empathize with them a bit, but the first thing that enters my mind is pirate talk. "Arrr matey, I lost me eye in a battle with a hook. Captain Hook. Arrr." Happens every time.

Meal of Links

I got some good news as my credit score is back up to 799. I use the service called myFICO. If you're curious, I recommend it highly.

I think fireworks are lame. And I'm not sure I am hip to amateurs handling them. Having said that, business is booming.

The World Cup entered the Round of 16 today. From this point forward, if you lose, you go home. And after Extra Time, we go to kicks. First game had Germany against the Swedes. Germany went out in front quickly as Podolski had 2 goals in the first 15 minutes. The ref sent off the Swede, Teddy Lucic, in the 38th minute and he didn't laughingly send him off. I thought it was more of a "Hey, you put me in a rough spot there, pal. I have to do it." So, they played with 10 the rest of the way. The Swedes had one more chance in the second half with a Penalty Kick, but Larsson missed as he skied one seemingly 20 rows up in the stands.

In the second match, it was Argentina vs. Mexico. Tough match, as Mexico scored early and Argentina responded quickly. It stayed that way until the end of regulation. In Extra Time, Maxi Rodriguez probably had the goal of the Cup thus far, by volleying one off his chest and hammering it while it was in the air into the upper corner for the 2-1 win. Friday, it's Germany-Argentina, a great matchup.

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Usually the best player wears 10.

Exercise Yard

All you need to know about last night's Indians game was Aaron Harang threw a complete game shutout at the Featherheads. Gale and I attended this one and I think the best part was eating nachos. No, not those Larry Dolan "saving our cheese product" ones, but the good kind, with lots of stuff on it.

The game itself was a yawner. Not sure if it's rock bottom, but the starting lineup contained Shoppach, Hollandsworth and Gutierrez. Sadly it was the third-highest crowd of the season and it clocked in at only 32,927. The games ahead of that were Opening Day, obviously, at 42,445 and 37,496 against Texas in April. The other games that reached 30,000 were the entire Pittsburgh series and Memorial Day. Look for major ticket dumping after the Yankee series.

Visitor

15 Across: Obsequious Dickens character (9 letters) Answer: Uriah Heep

Thursday, June 22, 2006

What really bothered me about today's rush hour storms was not so much how it rained, but that the traffic reporting on WTAM was awful. I get on the turnpike and the dude giving the traffic says I-80 West before the I-77 exit was flooded and backed up for miles. Uh, not really. The last overpass before 77 had drainage overflowing and it created a huge pond across all three lanes. You had to slow up, but you could go through it.

For the most part, I ignore the traffic reports. But today, when you really needed it, Triv and his village idiots were treating it as a joke. That's not good. At one point, he told Rado, who was in his car, to take Canal Road, which was flooded. Now if I'm someone not paying attention and heard that as an alternate, I'd be mighty pissed to find out it was worse than where I came from. Yet, he's the Voice of Cleveland.

Meal of Links

England's a funny place. Richard Ashcroft gets arrested at a youth club after demanding that he work with them. That would be like Zydrunas Ilgauskas showing up at your local Junior Achievement meeting.

Katharine McPhee says "Idol saved my life." I thought polka saved my life.

News of the obvious. Westerners and Muslims are deeply divided.

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"Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole!"

Exercise Yard

The USA is out of the World Cup. Maybe Larry Brown or Coach Ditka can take over, because I think it's obvious that Bruce Arena will get canned. Losing to the Estrellas Negras de Ghana was not the problem. Getting hammered by the Czech Republic in Game 1 in a non-effort was the real issue. At least we won't have to deal with the ESPN hype any more. Especially with regard to Landon Donovan, who was basically the Invisible Man in Germany. Very disappointing.

Other results: The Socceroos are through as they beat a very good tablecloth-wearing Croat team. Brazil handled Japan easily and even Ronaldo McDonaldo scored a goal. Italy beat the Czechs, so they advance along with Ghana.

Visitor

50 Across: The "It Girl" Bow (5 letters) Answer: Clara

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Today is the first day of summer and aren't you glad you're not in Death Valley. One of the guilty pleasures of this time of year is checking out the summer movie schedule from Cinema at the Square.

Definitely some good ones at the Palace. I'd have to say I will definitely be at "The French Connection". A simply fantastic movie. Acted well, and the way it was filmed at the time with a documentary style and, of course, the chase. No conflict with "The Holy Grail", either. And "The Shining"! Not too bad overall, except for the "The Muppet Movie". Ugh!

Meal of Links

The BBC yanks "Tops of the Pops" from the schedule. Dick Clark nods knowingly.

Good God. If you haven't seen Connie Chung's farewell on MSNBC, you're missing something.

Tomorrow at the World Cup is the big day with the USA-Ghana match. Today: Ivory Coast continued Serbia's nightmare of a cup, 3-2. Argentina and Holland played to a predictable tie as both advanced. Both teams look good, with the Argentines the class of the field, thus far. Portugal beat Mexico and both advanced. It may be one more match and out for both of them. In a friends and family match, Iran drew with Angola.

BTW, Costa Rica returned home today. They were greeted by people booing and hurling insults at them. Sounds like an Indians game.

World Cup Photo of the Day













"Si, estas nuevas tatas."

Exercise Yard

I will not bury the Indians just yet. But the shovel is ready. I saw two defensive plays tonight by Broussard and Belliard on consecutive batters that sum up the season. Awful. Even Sabathia couldn't stand to be on the mound much longer after those gems. We are in the process of already starting down the slippery slope.

And the Red Sox picked up Jason Johnson. Jeepers, they must think Manager/Pitching Coach Curt Schilling can turn him around. Or, they score runs by the boatload and can afford to have Johnson give up 6 or 7 a game.

Visitor

38 Across: "The Addams Family" cousin (3 letters) Answer: Itt

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

It appears that the two U.S. soldiers who were kidnapped met brutal demises by the new Al-Qaeda leader. I guess Pete Townshend was right, "Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss." Let's hope that whatever allowed these guys to be separated from the other members of their unit is corrected. The soldiers were done in quickly as the bad guys didn't waste any time with negotiating or grandstanding.

Meal of Links

Who has the better Nike ad on a building, LeBron or Wayne Rooney? Decent World Cup day today. Germany gets through group play unbeaten over Ecuador. Sweden ties England in the last minute and England still hasn't beaten the Swedes in 38 years. I'd say LeBron could probably beat Sweden by himself. One of my faves for England, Joe Cole, with a big day. Paraguay beat Trinidad and his friend, Tobago. And the Poles won, God bless'em. Weekend schedule starting to take shape. Germany-Sweden on Saturday, England-Ecuador on Sunday.

Dan Rather has left CBS and is contemplating an offer from Mark Cuban to do some work for HDNet. Don't underestimate Cubes and his passon for journalism. I think Rather would fit in nicely over there, having an hour a week, spending large amounts of time on any given story. It would allow an old mainstream media guy to particpate in the new media. Maybe you can teach an old dog fa-shizzle.

Whoa, Nelly! Her new song is not that bad. But I like the new one by Muse, "Supermassive Black Hole".

World Cup Photo of the Day















Check out that cool camera from the Movietone News guy.

Exercise Yard

The Indians finally bit the bullet on Jason Johnson, forever known as the "Innings Eater", and designated him for assignment. Look for the Royals to hop on obtaining him. We are replacing him with Jeremy Sowers, the People's Phenom. Sowers is seemingly the latest in a long string of prospects who the Tribe neglects to give significant playing time to as a youngster.

Nomar Stalker ran down the list today. Do you remember Manny platooned with Wayne Kirby at the start of his career? Wayne Kirby, for cryin' out loud. BTW, was he the brother of Terry Kirby or his cousin? Richie Sexson. Brian Giles. And don't forget Grady Sizemore was ticketed for Buffalo last year before Juan Gone's hammy exploded.

Here is the Tribe's flawed reasoning on Sowers: They aren't certain the performance of a youngster learning on the fly would be any better than Johnson's. Yep, Sowers might be just as bad as Johnson, who gave up 108 hits in 77 innings. Then again, he might not, but we might ruin him if he's brought up too early. Sowers is 8-1 with a 1.27 ERA and 2 shutouts at Triple-A Buffalo. Ugh!

I wonder if the Mets thought that about Doc Gooden and whoever he replaced in their rotation of the mid-eighties.

Visitor

25 Across: Bateman of "Family Ties" (7 letters) Answer: Justine

Monday, June 19, 2006

"I'm only happy when it rains."

Meal of Links

Check it out. Over 1400 music videos from the '80s. I took a look at "Do It Again" by The Kinks. Others: "I wish I was in Tijuana eating barbecued iguana.", Dan Hartman (the stupid one where he's bartending), "California Uber Alles"!, Fishbone, hah!, Omigod, it's Erik B. and Rakim! Any site that has Gang of Four's "To Hell With Poverty", well, you gots to visit. And special added bonus, "Separate Ways" by Journey, one of the most unintentionally hilarious videos ever done. You can EASILY spend a half hour here.

In case you miss Vernon Kay. He was voted the UK's best-dressed Dad, behind Becks.

The Who, or what's left of them, went back to Leeds. Incredible reviews.

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Tony Blair pulls a Triv.

Exercise Yard

For years we have bitched how Cleveland sports teams tend to get the worst of the brothers. Ron Lolich, not Mickey. Paul Reuschel, not Rick. Somehow we ended up with both Pagels, but we did have the better Bahr. So, let's turn our attention to one man's opinion of the seven worst brothers in sports.

And wouldn't you know, the list contains two who played here for a bit.

Visitor

11 Down: Mayflower pilgrim John (5 letters) Answer: Alden

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Today was the first time I've been to the Golden Corral. Since it was Fathers Day, we went with my Dad to get some breakfast. I think I've discovered the appeal of this place.

First of all, it's a cheap buffet. That means you draw folks in any order of your choice, including all four: Urban people, senior citizens, white trash, large people. Because when you're there, you just start grazing. Or gorging. My God, I think I had my quarterly allotment of both bacon and sausage. You don't even have to grab a new plate, they keep hauling plates to your table. Destroy one and fill up the next one. Keep running back for omelettes, waffles, salad, desserts, cookies, ice cream, grits, biscuits, etc.

It appears that if you get there around 10:00 as we did, you can stick around for lunch items. When those start to show up, you can hear the buzz through the crowd. "They're starting to put up lunch items.", "...oooh, lunch items!", "...guy's makin' steaks." I think some folks could stay all day if they like. A veritable playground for the kiddies, as they are runnin' around grabbin' food. I thought it an interesting experience.

Meal of Links

Save Screech's House.

While I'm here eating eggplant, North Korea is fueling an ICBM. What a wacky world.

Watched the Wright-Taylor fight on Home Box Office last night from Memphis, the new Mecca of pugilism. I love Winky Wright, he has such a unique defensive style that always gives his opponents fits. Anyhow, last night's fight was a draw. Taylor was dynamite in the middle of the ring, but Winky was far superior on the ropes. Why did Taylor keep going to the ropes? I dunno. Lots of clashes of heads, with Taylor getting the worst of one which closed his left eye. Winky's lack of that big KO punch hurt him again.

Winky definitely didn't do a whole lot in the final round, but I'm hard pressed to figure out how Taylor won the round on two scorecards. Because I thought he did a whole lot less. Wright was up 115-113 on card, down 115-113 on another, and the third judge had it 114-114. Not sure we'll see a rematch, but it was a very entertaining match.

The only one with their reputation sullied was Lennox Lewis, who is starting to channel George Foreman's commentary skills. He kept saying both fighters were constantly doing the right thing. I guess in a draw they can be, but he is currently adding nothing to the broadcast.

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"I dance like Bebeto."

Exercise Yard
















FIGJAM lost the US Open! An epic collapse of Van de Velden proportions on the last. "I'm such an idiot."

Visitor

None, it's Fathers Day.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

We bagged the Dean Martin Festival today. Mainly because it's too damn hot and it seemed without a parade, we would just hang out at the local Kroger. But this allowed me my first foray into watching the 2006 World Cup in public. The destination: The Olde Angle Tavern. Afternoon soccer allows you to drink many beers, therefore we all agreed to go to South Africa in 2010. I hear they have wine country there.

Pretty decent crowd in attendance for USA-Italy and we had the problem of HD screens being ahead of the non-HD screens, so every "Oooh!" and "Aaah!" throughout the game was also delayed at various points around the establishment, which was odd. BTW, try the chicken vegetable soup, if available. And isn't it funny that the Italian national anthem is "Song of the Italians" and they showed a man in the crowd clad only in underpants singing it.

The result was one everyone can be happy with, a 1-1 tie. (Read last paragraph of summary for great game description.) Given that Ghana beat the Czech Republic earlier, we are right back in it. The match was kinda weird. Italy scored first, and the USA benefited when an Italian put one in his own goal shortly thereafter. An Italian quickly got ejected for elbowing Brian McBride (and he had to change into a new shirt...for the ladies), opening a big time gash on his face.

The ref, who was quite crappy and must have received a call from David Stern, threw out a US player right before halftime (should have only been a yellow card), and another two minutes into the second half. (That was my completely unbiased, non-jingoistic view of the game) After seeing the replay, Mastreoni's foul was right in front of the ref (whoops) and Pope, well, Pope was just banging everyone all over the field all day until he got his second yellow card. So, the ref may have been not that awful today. To play 9-on-10 the rest of the way and come out with a point was a big boost.

Two quibbles with Eric Wedge, I mean, Bruce Arena. He might have been better off subbing for Eddie Pope at halftime. Pope picked up his second yellow and will miss the next game. Also, the US still had a sub in their back pocket and might have been able to use some fresh legs to try and get a game-winner. However, gaining the point was most important.

Next up on Thursday, it's the Black Stars of Ghana. The US needs Italy to beat the Czech Republic, while they defeat Ghana. A tie or loss is not gonna cut it and if the Czechs beat Italy, it comes down to goal differential and we have a big minus three. So root for the Azzurri.

SI's Rick Reilly chant:

We are the Yankees!
We are not afraid!
You beat us tonight!
Thursday, we invade!

Meal of Links

If you're familiar with the Webby Awards, you know that acceptance speeches are held to a five-word maximum. Here are the 2006 Webby Award speeches.

Paul McCartney finds out what it's about "When I'm Sixty Four". If he had written the "Hokey-Pokey", he would have known what it's all about.

Whole Foods stops selling live lobsters. I've got nothing.

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Final score: 1-1.

Exercise Yard

Uh-oh. FIGJAM is tied for the lead at the U.S, Open. Do I have to watch?

Visitor

19 Across: He shared an "Excellent Adventure" (3 letters) Answer: Ted

Friday, June 16, 2006

World Cup Photo of the Day















Oscar Gamble visits Germany.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Since Casey Blake hosed us on Gale's Christmas present last year, the bottomless Christmas gift continues. Tonight, we went to see Nils Lofgren at the Winchester. No, Springsteen did NOT show up. We started the night at Crazy Rita's, the home of the chips and salsa, where you get five salsas and guacamole in a sampler. Very nice bartender, but I'm afraid she could bench press me. A true amazon.

Then we made our way over to the Winchester. Their ticket distribution could be better. It's that you purchase your tickets to a show over the phone. You can pick up your tickets ahead of time or give your name at the door to get your ducats. The problem is it's one line for both. Nils sold quite well and had a 7:30 show, too. When we arrived after 9:00, it was a bit chaotic with the first show emptying out. We got to see a lot of folks leaving and I asked Gale why she didn't tell me that the early show was where all of the beautiful people attended. Trust me, that was one parade of ugly that passed us by. Gale was complimented on her outfit by someone I will charitably descibe as a hag.

Celebrity lookalikes in attendance:

Sen. John McCain
Singer Michael McDonald
Media Research Center President, Brent Bozell

An audience so old, I could be called "Sonny".

Anyhow, Nils played about an hour and 40 minutes and was terrific. Being in the E Street Band hampers his creativity a bit and since he was solo, you got to see what a guitar virtuoso he is. He went from acoustic to electric acoustic to Kurzweil piano to Stratocaster. He did two Springsteen songs, one acoustic I did not know, and a killer electric version of "Because the Night". When he got to the piano, he played my favorite song of his, "Goin' Back" which is so rare to hear, I value each time I can listen to it. He also played his Keith Richards song, "Keith Don't Go" and when he puts his shades on, he could pass for Keith's little brother.

His stage banter was good and Nils seemed to enjoy himself. All in all, a very good show.

Meal of Links

"It's a Wonderful Life" was voted the most inspirational movie. And it had Sheldon Leonard AND Alfalfa in the cast. "Hey, look. I'm handin' out wings."

Great tackle by the Minnesota Twins visiting batboy last night. Play of the game.

Jay-Z is boycotting Cristal. I've boycotted it for years. Mainly because it costs too damn much.

World Cup Photo of the Day


















"Heja Sverige!"

Exercise Yard

Last night's Tribe game was punctuated by another almost fight. I thought Randy Johnson's pitch was thrown at Eduardo Perez, but it was on his hands, not his head. No question it was in retaliation of Jorge Posada getting hit earlier, but sheesh, lots of tempers for nothing.

Especially after last weekend, when the White Sox drilled Indians hitters seemingly at will.

Visitor

13 Across: Negro Leagues great Buck (5 letters) Answer: O'Neil

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Have you noticed the public service announcements provided by the Ad Council are getting creepier? I hear a lot of these on XM and I think the subject matter is OK, it's the production that scares the crap out of you.

Listen for these topics on the radio and you'll understand:

Online Sexual Expolitation

Childhood Obesity Prevention (I think it's Patricia Clarkson on the voiceover)

Father Involvement

Mentoring

And what organization has that barking dog "telling" us how he saved a bunch of people? Ugh.

Meal of Links

Donald Hall is the next U.S. poet laureate. And he actually gets paid. For rhymin'. Apologies to Ted Kooser, who was the poet laureate, for missing his entire reign, although it fell mainly on the plain.

Taylor Hicks is voted "America's Hottest Bachelor". God help us.

Our President insults a blind reporter. A guy who's covered him for years, BTW. Cue Ren. "You idiot."

World Cup Photo of the Day














"Hey, Stash. STASH! Your scarf...your SCA...ah, bloody hell, you're Polish."

Exercise Yard

The World Cup began in earnest today as Germany faced Poland. Oh, on paper it started last Friday, but this is what it's all about. Poland has never beaten the Germans in soccer, and their off the field record isn't exactly stellar either. So, they kinda have a rivalry. There were fights before the match, and lots of people got thrown in the pokey. Just a great game. Poland plays their guts out, goes down to 10 men via a red card with 15 minutes to go, survives two shots off the crossbar in the final minute of regulation, then...you'd swear they had Cleveland on their jerseys...gives up a goal in the 91st minute. An absolutely crushing defeat, as Germany prevails, 1-0.

Visitor

23 Across: "Richard ___" (3 letters) Answer: III

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The PD had a story this morning about how the park at Ninth and Huron won't be a park much longer. When the county tears down the Ameritrust building for its new digs, this park will be use as a staging area for equipment. Never understood why that park took so long to be built in the first place. And when the new building goes up...no more park.

An aside to the woman I saw in a Camry on East 9th today, "Hello."

Meal of Links

David Bowie makes an appearance on next season's "Extras". I think the plot has Ricky Gervais sneaking into a club to see Bowie.

If you've ever had to cancel AOL, you can relate. I once had a free offer for 30 days and cancelled after 15 days of non-use, so I wouldn't get billed. I swear Wilford Brimley was listening in.

Porn vs. Reality. I laughed.

World Cup Photo of the Day

















One more touch than Landon Donovan had yesterday.

Exercise Yard

Maybe JJ Redick wanted street cred. Hence, a DUI.

Visitor

49 Across: "The Wedding Planner" star, familiarly (3 letters) Answer: J-Lo

Monday, June 12, 2006

Speaking as someone who very nearly killed Omar Vizquel in an auto accident, I feel I can comment on Ben Roethlisberger's accident. The woman who allegedly caused the accident really has no choice. She must leave town. The sooner the better. The ridicule she is about to face, especially if Big Ben's injuries cause him to miss time, will never let up. "Oh, so you're the one who Roethlisberger ran into..."

I'm curious to see which way the media go with this. Kellen Winslow, Jr. got skewered in the press for his motorcycle accident. I see two major differences. One, Winslow had it expressly forbidden in his contract to ride bikes, let alone learning stunts. Second, he's black.

My prediction: Roethlisberger will receive as much sympathy as he does being branded stupid.

Vizquel? He was behind me on the East 9th ramp to the Innerbelt. I had to jam on the brakes because of the nimrod ahead of me. I thought for sure his yellow Porsche was going to crush me. All of a sudden, there he was three lanes over and flying. I think it may have been K.I.T.T. If he had been injured, I would have had to move.

Meal of Links

Jeezy Creezy. Now Superman has gay overtones.

Robert Redford tells the Democrats to grow a spine. "Boy, what is it with you people? You think not getting caught in a lie is the same thing as telling the truth?"

I'm not obsessing on the World Cup. However, here's how Brazilian players get their single names.

World Cup Photo of the Day












Beer builds your body in 8 different ways.

Exercise Yard

OK, it's too easy to bash the Americans for a really awful World Cup opener today. Claudio Reyna was the only guy who showed up. Italy is next. I'm afraid this one is over, before it even got started.

It's the appeal of soccer, however. No Eric Wedge-type press conferences here. No sir. Coach Bruce Arena rips the players. Maybe Coach Ditka can help.

Visitor

20 Across: Sly Foxx (4 letters) Answer: Redd

Sunday, June 11, 2006

I've had a strange day. First, I was set to watch some soccer at 9:00 and experienced a major power surge. But I think it was only the TV that gave the impression that it blew up. Everything else seemed fine. TV was back up and running in about 10 minutes and it seemed full power came back in about 30 minutes.

Then later in the afternoon, I locked myself out of the house. Doh! But, aha, I did have my cellphone with me. For once. Not that I fashioned it into a pick a la MacGyver, but I called for assistance. Not sure the last time either of those events happened.

Meal of Links

If Viveca A. Fox was on "Dancing With The Stars" would you watch? I'd say it depends on what she was wearing.

England's World Cup girlfriends had to pay extra for all of the baggage they loaded on the plane.

If you have never seen "The Searchers", what are you waiting for? Could be the best Western ever and, arguably, the most influential one.

World Cup Photo of the Day












Do I like Trinidad or Tobago better?

Exercise Yard

The Indians are really struggling, now they're fighting amongst themselves. Apparently, Wicky Wicky Bob challenged Paul Byrd to a fight after yesterday's loss. An unnamed source say they don't get along. That seems obvious. Management has to be concerned with these rather public incidents (see Sauerbeck) compounded by uneven play and many losses.

Attendance should be OK with series against the Cubs, Reds and Yanks soon. Let's hope the play on the field matches the enthusiasm of the fans.

Visitor

None, it's an F1/World Cup/NASCAR/NBA Finals/Tribe in Primetime Sunday.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Salma Hayak has nothing to do with the World Cup, but here she is posing with an unknown actress.




















The cool thing about watching the World Cup is you can put together a table and a chair while watching and do all sorts of multitasking.

Meal of Links

Keeping with my habit of not noticing commercials when they've been on for a while. It's the iTunes ad with one of my favorite current songs, "Love Train" by Wolfmother. Now I don't have to sing it.

This surprised me. September 12 is when the latest Bob Seger album drops. I'm sensing a John Fogerty-type comeback. However, he's 61.

Billy Bragg removes his music from MySpace. Didn't know old folks were on MySpace.

Exercise Yard

It's only Day 2 of the World Cup and Dave O'Brien has already succeeded in driving me away from an HD broadcast to the Spanish channel. The clincher, some guy on Paraguay called David Beckham "a coward" back in May. So, Dave tries his damnedest to get this story in, at, oh, about the 38th minute. But he would start it, a replay would come up, and his partner Marcelo Balboa would completely ignore the story and do what he's supposed to do...talk about the match. Dave was so determined to get this in, at about the 50-minute mark, he brought it up again to finally finish it. It's laughable. Every year, they try to Americanize these broadcasts and it ruins it. The only time casual fans watch is if the USA is on. So, keep the backstory stuff for pregame coverage.

Univision does it right. You get the national anthems with the tradition of showing each starter on both teams, many of them singing. I actually like that. In person, it's incredible. I mean England is loaded with stars and most of them sang "God Save the Queen". And, Paraguay's anthem was cool. Plus, the Spanish commercials are pretty much all soccer-related. Hell, Lite Beer had one with Valderrama and Baggio in it.

England won, 1-0. Somehow, Becks bent it off some Paraguayan's head for an own goal in the first three minutes.

Other games, Argentina looked about 99 and 44/100ths good in defeating the war-torn Ivory Coast.

And, in the Match of the Day, Trinidad & Tobago beat Sweden 0-0 in the biggest upset, thus far. That's a win, because T&T is about a zillion-to-one to win this thing.

Visitor

21 Across: Natty Bumppo's creator (6 letters) Answer: Cooper

Friday, June 09, 2006

The German Crying Indian.


















The World Cup started today and there were a bunch of goals scored as Germany beat Costa Rica, 4-2. I was able to see that replay on ESPN U. Yes, U actually had something worthwhile on it. It appears that Classic shows a replay at 5:00, U will show something in the evening, and then rerun another game overnight.

Things we learned during today's match:

Dave O'Brien is pretty good announcing baseball, not good on soccer. If I was watching this live, I would've turned on Univision.

Costa Rica was the first nation to abolish its army.

The Costa Rica goalkeeper was Porras, too close to "porous".

Jens Lehmann, the German keeper, had wristbands that read "Jens Lehmann".

It's always great to see a small crowd like the Costa Ricans go crazy when they score, rendering the thousands of home crowd fans silent. One tiny corner of red against the world.

Two beautiful goals by Germany. The first by Lahm, a crack off the right foot from the left side. The fourth by Frings, an insane boomer from 40 yards.

Frings killed me. They sent the stretcher out for him, he barely walks off and cheats the medics. Ten minutes later, "BAM!", a goal.

Michael Ballack, the injured German captain, was mentioned way too many times for not even being suited up.

Germany made too many mistakes in the back. That may hurt them later.

In the other match, which I didn't see, but heard the end on XM, Ecuador played some mean defense and shut out Poland.

Tomorrow, England debuts. USA starts Monday.

Meal of Links

Keanu Reeves is rich. And he wants a wife.

The cops raid the "Animal House" fraternity. "Of course I'm talking about Delta, you twerp!"

Kids behave better these days. Or they are telling major fibs.

Exercise Yard

Luke Winn reports from the NBA Pre-draft Camp. Uh, no one can shoot the three down there.

Visitor

52 Across: 1970 economics Nobelist (9 letters) Answer: Samuelson

Thursday, June 08, 2006

I was at the Indians game and, of course, the Tribe lost, 4-1. We actually saw how the Hot Dog Derby is rigged. The winner is figured out ahead of time, for video screen purposes. There was a row in our section chosen. The problem was no one was in the row. The Fun Bunch marketeers were then pleading for people to get in the row, even as the race was being shown on the screen.

When the race was concluded, by golly, that was the winning row. It looked on the screen as if it was totally random. Then again, nothing is random at that park, is it? Casey Blake still whiffs, "Make Noise" messages appear at odd times, and Eric Wedge still can't manage.

Examples: Wedge had Jason Johnson come out for the 7th. The "Innings Eater" had somehow given up only 2 runs on 9 hits through 6 innings. Count your blessings.

Victor Martinez big night on Wednesday was followed by an off day today. It seems he is breaking out of his slump, why have an off day today? For rest? This was the same guy who caught the entire game in that Memorial Day shellacking, for no apparent reason. The guy can't catch 140 games again.

The other highlight: Sushi at the ballpark. Not bad. I had the spicy tuna and burned my entire breathing system with wasabi. Diet Dr. Pepper is new at the park, as well.

Meal of Links

Wendy's decides to use a new cooking oil. Now if they would expand their salad dressing offerings, we can talk.

It looks like Chef Ramsay can "shut it down" for several more years. "Hell's Kitchen 2" starts Monday.

How to solve a runny nose. Without the use of a drug!

Exercise Yard

Keith Olbermann writes about Jason Grimsley. The whole Forrest Gump aspect to this guy's career and how it relates to steroid/HGH use is pretty amazing. Interesting that Keith mentions the Indians of Albert Belle, Manny Ramirez, and Jim Thome. The only team in the last 70 years to score 1,000 runs, although Albert was gone by that time. And remember the year (2000?) when we had several players go down with muscle pulls and somehow it was those pesky "supplements" that players were taking.

At least it addresses some issues like:

Baseball needs an HGH test. Without it, the cheaters are always two steps ahead.

Pitchers take steroids? Umm, yeah.

And if the feds ever come calling, make sure you have legal representation.

Visitor

48 Across: Swashbuckler Flynn (4 letters) Answer: Flynn

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Since it was 06/06/06, I decided to catch the 4:50 showing of "The Omen" at the Regal Beagle in Hudson, only 2 minutes from my desk to their door. Plus, it was Free Popcorn Tuesday, in Summit County you can get Mello Yello (the Medium is 44 oz., "Yikes!") and nothing ever gets released on a Tuesday. Anyhow, I'm the oldest person there, as several kids show up. But it's a different kind of kid. You know you're in Hudson when no one laughs at the preview for "Little Man". Typically the Cinemark Valley View crowds laugh at that one, with the obligatory, "I gotta see that one." The trailer that really caught my eye was Ali G's "Borat" movie. That one has major laugh potential.

Anyhow, "The Omen" begins and my God, it's a virtual word-for-word version of the original. Who knew? I mean it was the same writer as the original and I think he handed the original script in with a different colored folder or something. It's nuts. The only reason this was remade was because of 06/06/06. (See Gus Van Sant's "Psycho" for reference).

We're cruising through this remake. Liev Schrieber, who I want to eulogize me, and Julia Stiles receive Damien. BTW, Stiles is way too young for this role. All of a sudden, Damien's nanny hangs herself at his birthday party. But that allows Mia Farrow to take that job. Stiles is starting to wonder of Damien is strange. Julia, the answer is "Yes, you clown!" We find out Damien does not like churches, he never gets sick and when he visits the zoo, the animals seem to not like him very much.

Meanwhile, Pete Postlethwaite plays the priest who keeps calling Liev "Mister Torn", not Mister Thorn. Pete warns Liev that Damien is no good, but it takes him about two or three scenes to spit it out that his kid might be the Antichrist. Next time, e-mail him. Of course, the fashion photographer who has been chronicling all of this mayhem via his camera is starting to get suspicious.

Then it happens. Right after the scene where old Pete gets impaled, weird things happen with the movie. It's 6:00 and the next reel will take us through 6:06:06 p.m. That reel comes on and it's upside down and backward! At first, the crowd thinks maybe another dream sequence, but after about 20 seconds, we realize Liev and photo guy are hanging from the ceiling and talking like the dwarf from "Twin Peaks". Next time, you see me, I'll make those sounds. People start laughing and it is kinda funny. Then it gets old as we realize it ain't gonna stop.

The house lights come on. The manager tells us that she has to let the whole reel play out, it'll take some time, but here's a free pass for your next visit. Oh, you can stay and we'll pick it up from where it left off. But the flick was inane and I knew how it ended, so I left before photo guy got decapitated.

The manager also told us that the first showing had a reel sequence of "Omen", "Omen" "Omen", "X-Men", "Omen", so a replacement reel was flown in for our viewing. No Armageddon stuff, just strange coincidences, I'd say.

Meal of Links

Amazon.com has DVD Decision 2006 enabled for voting. They are looking for the top vote-getter to be released on DVD. Some good stuff here. The really bad "Gymkata", the criminally cut-up with Joe Jackson-soundtracked "Mike's Murder" starring Debra Winger (who was Sandra Bullock before Sandra Bullock was Sandra Bullock for me), and "The Hand" with "Carny" and "Looker" tossed in for good measure!

Road rage is a common psychiatric disorder. "It figures...on the fuckin' cellphone." There, I feel better already.

First news of AIDS hit 25 years ago.

Exercise Yard

The Tribe took a UCLA pitcher in the first round today. And it's not Jelly Selden.

Visitor

35 Across: Homer Simpson's son (4 letters) Answer: Bart

Monday, June 05, 2006

Pancreatic cancer is back in the news with the imminent demise of Casey Coleman. Getting serious for a moment, the survival rate for pancreatic cancer is still only around 4%, the worst of all cancers. And for the 96% who don't make it, very few get to a third year after diagnosis. Still, funding for pancreatic cancer is at the bottom.

So, I guess what I'm sayin' is, if you find yourself with an extra buck or two or are looking for some place to flip a few bucks in the form of a donation, think about an organization that helps fund pancreatic cancer research. It would be terrific if those who contract pancreatic cancer can at least get a fighting chance at survival.

Meal of Links

Some clowns think the antichrist shows up tomorrow. I thought he'd been coaching Duke basketball for years.

The text of Stephen Colbert's commencement address at Knox College. Needless to say, it's very funny.

Olivia Newton-John's boyfriend seems to be alive. Jimmy Hoffa looks on with interest.

Exercise Yard

Let's march around the old homestead, shall we? Even Miami U. makes the list.

Visitor

17 Across: Last National League pitcher to win 30 games in a season (1934) (9 letters) Answer: Dizzy Dean

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Today, I hit another bird while driving. Which, of course, allows me to yell, "I thought we had a pact!". But that's the second time I've hit a bird. Are they getting slower, do they not care anymore, are they more daring? Very puzzling.

But since it was a Sunday and cloudy and raining earlier this morning, what better time to run to the local bijou to see "X-Men: The Last Stand". I guess Ian McKellen is in every movie this summer. He's back as Magneto and looks kinda funny in his helmet and cape. But you must stay until the very end, even after the credits, for a final scene, which drops a major hint there may be a fourth movie. (SPOILERS AHEAD)

Dr. Jean Grey is back and she is one pissed off mutant chick. I didn't read the X-Men comics, but I did like the first two movies in this series. This one was OK, but it's getting a bit long in the tooth, I'd say. Anyhow, Jean kills Scott Summers who was in this one so short, I forgot what he did. He rides a motorcycle and does sumptin' with his eyes.

Kelsey Grammer is in this one as Hank McCoy, The Beast, looking like he missed an audition for Blue Man Group. He is Secretary of Mutant Affairs. Well, this lab has produced "a cure' so if you don't wanna be a mutant, you now have a choice. The lab is HQ'ed on Alcatraz, so you know that's coming into play later, basically so they can create some movie magic. Magneto thinks the government is out to destroy mutants with this so-called cure, so he's rallying the bad mutants, cause that's what he does.

So, Dr. Grey is back and realizes that Patrick Stewart hasn't been letting the real Jean out, for her own good, BTW, because her powers are off the chart. You can't control me, she says, and proceeds to off the bald guy. There was one scene after he died, where they placed his empty wheelchair in his office as a tribute. "I put Stephen Hawking in one of these two months ago, he's lovin' it!". Magneto steps in and wants Jean on his side, because he can put her up to no good. Meanwhile, Wolverine, still the coolest one of the bunch (Hugh Jackman), would like to claw Jean, if you know what I mean.

At least 50 different subplots, so here's what happens:

Rogue takes "the cure" on her own, so she can touch.

Fire Guy and Ice Guy still hate each other, Ice Guy wins at the end, because he's a Good Ice Guy.

Rebecca Romijn has a short stint, because she saves Magneto from getting hit by a dart with "the cure". So, she loses her powers and the plot doesn't require her to run around naked anymore.

Things pile up on the school grounds, as Patrick Stewart, Dr. Grey and Scott Summers are all buried there. Kind of like the monuments at Yankee Stadium.

The Beast becomes U.N. Ambassador.

Magneto takes the Golden Gate Bridge apart and moves it towards Alcatraz so it's easier to get to. You would think the bad mutants would figure out an easier way to get there. He eventually loses his powers to a dart.

Wolverine kills Dr. Jean Grey at the end, in an epic struggle between murder and love to save the world, or at least the Bay Area.

Vinnie Jones plays Juggernaut fairly well in this one.

Halle Barry as Storm really doesn't have much to do anymore. Now that she'll be running the school, who knows?

Kurt Russell dies. Wait a minute, that's "Posiedon".

Best line. Wolverine is fighting a guy who can keep regrowing his limbs. Wolverine would chop one off, the guy would grow another one. Finally, he kicks him in the balls and says, "Let's see you grow those back." Might have been the only laugh in the flick.

Probably worth a matinee admission.

Meal of Links

Did some shopping today at Steve and Barry's. Everything in the joint is $7.98 or less. Worth a visit, especially if you want some Ohio State gear.

How to shop for food critically. Do not eat that natural peanut butter stuff, no matter what they say.

Who knew that Cleveland has a volcano? Now those are fireworks I wouldn't mind seeing.

Exercise Yard

We haven't seen "Snakes on a Plane" yet, but we do have cloned mules in a race. They were beat by a couple of jackasses.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Half a dozen of us journeyed to Fat Cats last night. The view from the patio at the end of West 10th obscured Jacobs Field enough, so I did not have to see the fireworks, I only heard them. Had the Baricelli Cheese Plate for an appetizer. BCP consists of three cheeses from the Baricelli Inn. One needs only to see that place involved to know how large the portion was...or wasn't. I had a really good Barbecued Pork Chop, as well. Plus drinks.

Highlight, lowlight, spotlight, whatever kind of light for me involves that damn Ashley Judd again. For the life of me, I must have blocked out this woman's acting career from my mind. Best Friend mentions a movie where Ms. Judd is in Alaska. I can't get "Imsonia" out of my mind and say she's confusing her with Hilary Swank. Of course, we're covering her movies with Morgan Freeman, especially that one with Caviezel in it. Nothing, can't remember it. I find out later it's "Eye of the Beholder". Who watches that drivel? Apparently, people who like me to be wrong, that's who. And I keep failing to mention "Simon Birch", where Simon kills Ashley Judd with a foul ball. I'm not kiddin', right in the old noggin.

Gale with the best line of the evening to me: "If you don't want to give an officer cause to pull you over, you may want to take that flower out from behind your ear." Thank you.

Meal of Links

Vince Welnick died today. He was a keyboardist for the Grateful Dead. Of course, the Dead have had three other keyboardists who all, well, they all died. People talk about a curse, but I dunno. Welnick was also with The Tubes and I happened to listen to "What Do You Want From Life?" today. I can't think of a song that captured pop culture at its time like that one. "A microwave oven--don't watch the food cook" is a great line, because that was what was thought of at that time. "Randy Mantooth", hah!

Two guys fooling around with Diet Coke and Mentos. "No." That's the first thing you've said in the last four hours. That's a fountain of conversation there, buddy. That's a geyser."

How to get a prize out of a claw machine. I do not see the sledgehammer approach listed.

Exercise Yard

I cannot believe how pissed I am tonight. I was all set to watch Corrales-Castillo III on Showtime, and I learned at 9:00 the fight was cancelled. Now I have to hear "The Classy Jimmy Lennon, Jr." introduce flyweights for the main event. Hey, Joe "Firm but Fair" Cortez is the ref! Damn that Jose Luis Castillo, he committed the cardinal sin of boxing, by not making weight at 135. Are you kidding me? The last time these two fought, Castillo didn't make weight. They took the title off the table and fought anyway. Castillo won. So, everyone, I mean everyone, knew that yesterday's weigh-in was big.

I heard last Saturday that Castillo was at 142 and I thought uh-oh. Chico Corrales was on the record as saying that if Castillo did not make weight, the fight was off. I didn't pursue finding out about the weigh-in yesterday, because I thought there was no way he'd be over. Then I find out he came in at 140! Absolutely inexcusable. Fines are definite, suspensions possible, because believe it or not, Castillo's promoter Bob Arum probably lost $1 million, and Corrales' promoter, at least several hundred thousand. That's why folks are mad. The last time I recall this happening was Leonard Dorin not making weight at 135 for a title defense a few years ago. It boggles the mind.

Visitor

34 Across: Conductor of the world premiere of "La boheme" (15 letters) Answer: Arturo Toscanini

Thursday, June 01, 2006

It's June 1st and that means it's Spelling Bee time! Kids cussing on TV, kids fainting, kids crying, kids with mustaches, and me drinking! For the first time ever, it's live in prime time on A-B-C, of course. And it's in H-i-g-h D-e-f-i-n-i-t-i-o-n.

We're looking live at the Grand Hyatt Hotel in our nation's capital. Robin Roberts is the host. For the first time that I can recall, there are proposition bets on the Bee. I am betting it's a non-glasses wearing female west of the Mississippi spelling the winning word which does not have an "e", but contains less than 10.5 letters.

8:00 We start with 13 spellers. You'd think we are watching the Super Bowl with this sort of intro. Let's hope a somewhat normal kid wins.

8:04 The parents are on stage to one side. This is about the kids, off with the gravy trainers. 8 boys, 5 girls, 1 rookie, 1 home schooler are preparing for battle.

8:06 Paul Loeffler is the color analyst this evening. In the words of Homer Simpson, "I have no idea who that is." Chris Connelly is also on hand, obviously fulfilling a contractual obligation.

8:08 Home schooler is up first and he's a strange lad. Dr. Jacques Strap, I mean Bailly, is tonight's pronouncer. Exergue is the word and we're up and running. No ding, he got it right.

8:10 Hey, there's a Canadian in the hunt. Don't they have their own competition? They do and she's a two-time champ. This is like Ichiro as a rookie all over again. She spells her word.

8:12 Next kid is in stall mode, asking lots of questions. Typically that is not a good sign. He cannot spell nauruz, a Persian holiday. Ding! Down to a dozen. Hug from Mom, then tears. Hah!

8:14 Asian dude gets an easy one.

8:15 The rookie is up. There is a baby crying, "Shut it down, shut it down." Starts writing in hand. The word is gematrial. Ding! Down to 11.

8:17 They ask this dude to spell "redass". Nope, that's not it. It was rubasse. This kid studied, he got it.

8:18 Ah, the normal kid, a five-time participant, representing Asbury Park, NJ. She owns a maltese. Even the boys like her. She's a sailor, to boot. Very impressive kid. She nails synusia.

8:25 They give this poor kid a synonym for appendicitis. Why not give him appendicitis? Is Dick Bavetta choosing the words? But the kid got it right.

8:28 Another hand scribbler. She gets pissed as the guy cannot pronounce the word for shit. It is Hechscher. Controversy. I think she spelled it wrong. They have to go to the audio tape to be sure. Ding! Down to 10.

8:31 Ohio kid is desperate. Can't get mithraeum. Ding! Down to 9.

8:33 First mustache appears. It's on a guy. Dude takes no time to misspell giocoso. Ding! He says, "Aah!" on his way out. Down to 8.

8:36 Kid nails Wehrmacht. "Can you use it in a sentence?" "Members of the Wehrmacht tried to kill Hitler, failed, and were assassinated." Nice thought.

8:41 They reinstated the Hechscher girl. WTF? No way. Unless there was an alternate spelling. I guess there was. The Handbook had it wrong. I-d-i-o-t-s.

8:43 Hey a Hawaiian word! Kamaaina. I would've got that correct. Home schooler is right.

8:45 Canadian intruder gets her word right.

8:46 Asian dude gets a word that is a contagious skin disease of fowls. He knows it.

8:47 Babism is the next word. Kid nails it.

8:52 Normal kid gets towhee. Correct. Good for her.

8:54 Kid is amazed when he spells coryphaeus easily and that it is correct.

8:55 Reinstated kid takes only about 15 seconds to spell her word.

8:57 Girl is scribbling all over her arm. Unfortunately, collyrium was not scribbled correctly. Ding! Down to 8 once more.

8:58 Nidharshan Anandasivam. Every day's a Spelling Bee for this kid. Paillon is the word. Ding! Down to 7.

9:06 Round 10. Home schooler says, "I have no clue." to sciolto. Ding! Down to 6. "Thank you." he says dejectedly.

9:08 The illegal Canadian gets a French word. Boo! It is guilloche. Are you kidding me?

9:09 Asian dude gets kilim easily. This allows Chris to talk to the home schooler. "What do you attribute your improvement to this year?" "I dunno. God, maybe?" Ha ha ha.

9:17 Yizkor is spelled correctly by Rajiv, who was 4th last year.

9:18 Normal kid spells shedu, not Shebop.

9:19 Appenzell costs the underdog. Ding! Down to 5. He was the last one wearing glasses.

9:20 Croquignole is spelled quickly once again by reinstated kid.

9:25 Canadian border jumper gets douane as in "Hey, Douane." made famous by the "What's Happening?" show. Can she get any easier words?

9:26 Asian dude misses syringadenous by that much. Ding! We have 4 left.

9:33 Rajiv, the only dude left, is up. He draws heiligenschein. He's stalling. Tick...tick...tick. We go to extra time. He blows it. Ding! Repeats his 4th place finish from last year. He gets a standing ovation.

9:38 Another Hawaiian word, this time for normal kid. It is hukilau. She gets it. I would have got that one.

9:39 Austausch is spelled quickly by reinstated kid.

9:43 Round 12. The Championship Words are now being used. Three girls left. the evil Canadian is up. Dasyphyllous is spelled correctly.

9:46 Reinstated kid. Ding! Down to 2. Icteritious was the word.

9:51 The Canadian intruder is next. Another French word. Machicotage is correct.

9:52 Normal kid gets a long-ass word, not used by normal types. Recrementitious is correct. And twice as long as hukilau.

9:56 The dreaded Canadian gets another French word, esquisse. Sacre bleu!

9:57 Psittacism for normal kid.

9:58 Maieutic for the Canuck. It's Greek. Doesn't matter.

9:59 Aubade for normal kid, who is rolling.

10:00 Poiesis for the damn Canadian. Got it. Normal kid gets kanone. Correct! Tension builds.

10:01 Another goddamn French word for the Canadian interloper. Tutoyer. Normal kid gets izzat. Izzat correct? You bet your a-s-s it is.

10:02 Koine for the Canadian infidel. She guessed, first chink in armor. But it's correct.

10:03 Tmesis for normal kid. Got it.

10:04 Mental depression word meaning sentimental pessimism. Uh-oh. It's weltschmertz for the soon-to-be-humbled Canadian. Stall mode. She starts with a "V". Ding!

10:06 Normal kid with a chance. She has to spell two in a row correctly, then she's the champ. She knows kundalini and spells it right away. "Kundalini Rice is in the President's cabinet." One more to go. Word two is...WTF?...it's ursprache. "Ursprache? He owes me money." She spells it...put it on the board...Yes! We have a winner! The normal kid, Kerry Close, in her fifth attempt, wins the title. Asbury Park goes crazy and riots.

Meal of Links

Sue Johansen viewers chose their Top Ten Sex Toys of the Year last week. The Talking Head Vibrator was Number One. Apparently, Girlfriend is NOT Better.

The new line of Carl Monday shirts is in. Well, there's only one. Go Bucks!

I really miss the intelligent discussions I had with my late Mom. Kind of like the ones Cory Favreau has with his Mother about "American Idol". Except for the "sharpened, cross-shaped object attached to a bicycle chain".

Exercise Yard

Can you really talk football this early? Of course. It's the Off Season Power Rankings. The Browns are much improved at...hey, wait a minute...we're still Number 22.

Visitor

24 Across: Basketball Hall of Famer Unseld (3 letters) Answer: Wes (the master of the outlet pass)