I happened to have Turner Classic on the other day and I saw the Marx Brothers in "Monkey Business". I haven't laughed that hard at an old movie in a long time. The scene where they needed to get off the boat by using Maurice Chevalier's passport was hysterical. Each brother would give the passport to the guard, the guy would say the picture doesn't look like him and they would sing a Chevalier song to prove it was true. Of course, the singing was bad and the guard would send them to the back of the line. The last brother to try was Harpo. Same bit, same question, then he starts lip-synching to the Chevalier song and the guard is going to let him through...until the victrola on Harpo's back started to slow down. You had to see it.

Meal of Links

Here's a little machine that sorts M&Ms.

1974 Weight Watchers cards. Frankfurter Spectacular!!

Lara Flynn Boyle strips naked and tries to climb into someone else's bed on a British Airways flight. Her skies are very friendly.

Exercise Yard

I used to like Duke, but I get really tired watching the Cameron Crazies these days. All of the hopping, the noise, etc., it pains me to watch.

Visitor

58 Down: Sportscaster Cross (3 letters) Answer: Irv

Saw "Million Dollar Baby" yesterday and it was a most excellent movie. As a biffhead, anything done intelligently with boxing is cool. No question, give Swank the Oscar. Clint was great and Morgan Freeman does another narration like "Shawshank", so give him his lifetime achievement hardware. I was not aware, until recently, about the protests revolving around the film, because of its subject matter and I won't spoil anything here. If you're curious, check out USA Today or some of Roger Ebert's latest writings on the topic. And conservative talk radio, like Medved and Limbaugh are all over it, too.

Also, made a visit to the Park City Diner last night after the CSU (who won again yesterday. Check for blue moon.) game. Had a really good patty melt and a couple of Great Lakes Dortmunders. Very nice.

Meal of Links

Smokers beware. Weyco, a Michigan firm, is looking to terminate employees who smoke, on or off the job. What's next, alcohol checks?

The Iraqi elections are taking place, as we speak. But does anyone here know who's running, which party is good for us, etc.? My take is they are voting, that's great, but I have no idea what results to look for.

Polar bears in the Arctic are headed for extinction. Methinks Coke will have something to say about that.

Exercise Yard

The best quote I've heard about boxing lately was from the Jack Johnson documentary. Stanley Crouch said, "The goal of boxing is to get your opponent to participate in his own ass whipping." I throw this punch, to get this reaction, which allows me to do this. Never demonstrated more clearly than last night on HBO where Gatti beat Leija in five rounds. Jab sets up the power and then "Bam!". Arturo Gatti fights are the best, because I love the way his trainer, Buddy McGirt, talks to his fighters. I hope he fights Floyd Mayweather. I'd pay for that one.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Finally watched this week's version of "The Apprentice". Or was it the "Bates Motel"? What a disaster this group is. "Brass Balls" guy got the boot this week and I must say, that was no surprise. I've never seen a project manager as hated as him. One thing that is evident in this version is the liberal use of the word "fuck". Even used in the boardroom this week. Not good.

Verna, who I understand is a Microsoft employee, buckles under the pressure? What are they doin' at Microsoft these days? Anyhow, that was a highlight of Reality TV history when she is wandering through the streets of Jersey, dragging her suitcase, seemingly walking home. All that was missing was the classic reality line, "Turn off the cameras!!" Carolyn to the rescue!! Verna kept saying, "I've learned a valuable lesson." Carolyn's reply, "I don't know what lesson you've learned." In the boardroom, Trump, not wanting to get sued, said he likes comebacks and Verna made a terrific one. Hey, Donald, she's crazier than Crazy Stacie. Her sympathetic teammates were awesome. "Well, I guess, she buckled under the pressure, you know. But we're glad she's OK. But if she cost us this task!!..." Beautiful. Someone goes catatonic, but if it affects me...well, there'll be hell to pay.

Someone quits next week. It's probably not Verna. I always watch the "street interviews" during the tasks, because if they film a person on different days (you know, different clothes and locations), I assume they will be on for a while. Right now, the bulk of those interviews seem to be going to Alex, Bren, Danny, Erin, Audrey, John and Tana (who makes me ill). My sense is that Craig is quitting. He has skated through two episodes with one task comment, one boardroom comment and no street interviews. There seems to be strong sentiment for a woman this time out, but I don't see who that might be yet.

Meal of Links

A fake VW ad has an interesting take on a suicide bomber. Surprised no one has actually advertised with this slant.

The Iraqis go to the polls today. I saw people casting absentee ballots in New Jersey. I would hope Iraqis in the UK and other countries have the same privilege. Wouldn't want an election on our soil to be rigged in any way.

A review of the Mac Mini. Best Buy, at least online, is selling them.

Exercise Yard

I wake up to find that Sammy Sosa nmight be traded to the Orioles. Short fences at Camden. Might be a good fit.

Visitor

54 Down: "Golf Begins at Forty" author (5 letters) Answer: Snead

I ordered some chicken tenders at BK today and while giving me the appropriate sauces, the lady asked if I wanted ketchup. Ketchup! What a strange question. I mean that is such a bizarre order, wouldn't I have asked for ketchup. I like ketchup, but with chicken? Maybe it's a robotic question. Like I could have ordered a Whopper and she would have asked if I wanted ketchup. Very odd.

Meal of Links

I am struck by the irony of the guy who wanted to commit suicide then changes his mind, becoming responsible for the deaths of 11 people. Oh, he'll determine his own death, it's just that the state will now assist him in that endeavor.

Jenna Jameson is now hawking "moan tones" for cellphones. I'd say that's interesting, but even more interesting is that picture doesn't even look like her. Maybe she went on one of those makeover shows.

Another columnist admits taking money from the Bush administration to push certain policies. Is this the tip of the iceberg? How many more flunkies are out there?

Exercise Yard

I was at the CSU game tonight and the Vikings absolutely pummeled Butler. CSU got off to a 16-0 lead and never looked back. Very good win, as this is not your father's Butler. They are struggling and CSU played a nice game. Many more home games this month.

Visitor

17 Across: Orr (15 letters) Answer: Boston Bruin Star

I don't listen to Glenn Beck very often, but we've had him on recently at work. He's actually pretty funny. They were talking about the "Larry King Live" show where the husband of the teacher who was gropulating a student was the guest.

Awesome Larryisms:

"Would you say you had a good sex life with your wife?" "No sexual inadequacy at all?" "Unless she was faking it to you or something." "Would you call her promiscuous?" "Adventuresome?"

What kind of a show is that for an old coot like him to have?

Meal of Links

I like the show "Good Eats", because you can always learn something. Here is a profile of the host, Thomas Dolby.

What the hell has happened to Hoffman and DeNiro? Money talks.

I didn't think anyone rode the train in LA.

Exercise Yard

Doug Mientkiewicz and his ball get traded to the Mets. Do not mess with the baseball gods.

Visitor

37 Across: Publisher Chandler (4 letters) Answer: Otis

Has anyone seen our Governor lately?

This was a much longer rant, but I had the dreaded blue screen, which erased all my work.

Meal of Links

Oscar nominations are in. This starts my Saturday mornings at the movies. This week, it's "Million Dollar Baby". Clint cries. Ouch.

I know of no black men who would be named Andreas Lilja.

There is still some snow hanging around. Let's write about it. Or on it.

Exercise Yard

Snoop Dogg wants to coach the Steelers. It'd be fun. But he needs to stick with the Shizzolator.

Visitor

57 Down: Mata Hari, for one (3 letters) Answer: Spy

It was a sad day when I heard that Johnny Carson passed away. He was the ultimate in late night TV and to think that he did it for 30 years, touching millions of lives along the way. One of the best things about "The Tonight Show" was that it certified you were growing older when you were finally able to watch it. The thing that I got from him was that you could laugh at just about anything, especially when things were going bad. I always found him at his best when the monologue wasn't working. To be able to have that quick of a wit is a special gift and I'm glad he shared it with us all.

And he had many great characters.

Art Fern and his Tea Time Movie: "The Waltons Rip Off a Welfare Line" with Ryan O'Neal, Nolan Ryan, Lloyd Nolan, Lloyd Bridges and Upchuck the Nosey Tapeworm!"

Carnac the Magnificent: "A: Dustin Hoffman. Q: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman."

Floyd R. Turbo (Mr. Silent Majority): "The army is educational. The army teaches you how to do dental work-with the butt end of a rifle...how to tell what time it is by making a sundial out of a dead person...how to make beer out of bird droppings and how to make a rubber girl out of an inner tube."

I can't help but laugh just thinking about him.

Meal of Links

Kylie Minogue and her ass are suing her former manager. I'm a sucker for Kylie stories.

The Razzie Nominations are out. I like the fact that Bush was nominated for "Fahrenheit 911".

Men are better drivers. Better map reading and parking abilities. "Map? I don't need no stinkin' map."

Exercise Yard

Bill Cowher really does have the stench of Marty on him. To try for that field goal with over 13 minutes left was absurd. He HAS to go for the TD in that situation, he just has to. The Patriots are on destiny's doorstep.

Visitor

62 Across: Jazzy Holiday (6 letters) Answer: Billie

I jumped the gun, of course, about the snow yesterday. I forgot about the inevitable drifting and I had about an hour's worth of shovelling this a.m. to move that crap. I had TVG on about 8:30 last night and could not believe Northfield was still racing. Snow coming down. I can't believe anyone showed up live, although it points to the power of simulcasting. With many tracks closed yesterday, I guess they felt they could pick up the scraps of the lack of east coast racing.

Yesterday's wind and snow allowed me to construct a Boboli Thin Crust with all the fixins I had hanging around. You know, peppperoni, onion, black olive, jalapeno. Not the gastric nightmare one would think. Then I cracked open the first season DVD of "Arrested Development". Many laughs.

But you know the DVD craze is getting out of hand when "The Greatest American Hero" shows up in that form.

Meal of Links

So, the Trump nuptials took place yesterday. In attendance were: Simon Cowell, Regis Philbin, Heidi Klum, Tony Bennett, Chris Matthews (huh?), Katie Couric, Russell Simmons, Barbara Walters, Billy Joel, Rudy Giuliani, Matt Lauer, Don King, Kelly Ripa, Pat O'Brien, George from "The Apprentice" ("Do you think I'm a clone?"), and Star Jones.

An exclusive photo of the bride:



Utah thinks they can make more money from the Sundance Film Festival. I'd say move it to a different month and location.

Spamalot heads to Broadway. I'm thinking this would be pretty good.

Exercise Yard

Boxing has crept back into the picture. Home Box had the Mayweather-Bruseles fight last night. Floyd Mayweather, Jr., on his way to court, in workmanlike fashion, beat Bruseles in 8. It appears that HBO is setting up Mayweather in a fight with Arturo Gatti, who is on next Saturday.

PBS has been getting into the sweet science lately. Ken Burns film on Jack Johnson, "Unforgivable Blackness", was incredible. One of the best sports documentaries I've seen. Worth catching a rerun.

And it looks like on Monday, 45/49 has "The Fight", a look at the Schmeling-Louis fight.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

I was running some errands early this a.m and the snow was coming down at a good clip. Once again though, I think the brunt of the storm missed us...at least, so far. Suddenly, sirens abound. But what was supposed to be an all-day event has turned rather tame. And pretty darn quick, too.

I finally got to see the premiere of "The Apprentice". More Robin...Yes!! But again, can you see anyone of this lot running a Trump company? I get the feeling these folks tried out for Season 2 and didn't make the cut.

Where is John Belushi for the Cleveland State guitar guy? He seems like a nice enough sort, but he'll suffer the same fate as Zach on "Dream Job". Although they opt for a different look, it'll get them in the end. And if he's gonna sing through every one of these episodes..."Unbelievable!!"

The other guy who needs some work is Viking Hat Guy with Brass Balls. Real Estate mogul, hah! He's probably some Mortgage Origination Sweatshop Manager type.

Sly product placement...note the cab that takes the fired contestant away. It now has a placard for Yahoo! Hot Jobs on the top. Did you see it?

Meal of Links

The LA Times has a nice section on movie awards. Looks like I'll have to see "Hotel Rwanda" soon.

Funny stuff happening on Saturn.

This guy reads the comics, so you don't have to. Excellent shot at Rex Morgan, M.D.

Exercise Yard

Coach Lenny finally calls it quits with the Knicks. It is the end of the road for him.

Visitor

6 Down: "Dollars" star (6 letters) Answer: Beatty

In the never-ending search for ready-to-eat food:

Progresso Tomato Basil soup is the best canned soup. Ever. I am not kidding, you could eat this every day. And Bob Evans (of all brands) makes a pretty good Mashed Potato (I had the sour cream and chive).

Best line from this week's "Tilt":

Night club owner to audtioning stripper: "I'm still bendable, so you're not hireable." The most over-the-top line ever uttered on ESPN.

Meal of Links

Uh-oh. SpongeBob trouble again. I've seen this video. I don't see any gayness in it, and hell, Mr. SquarePants is by no means hogging the spotlight in the video. Maybe they hate "We Are Family". Seems strange to target this ad.

Peter Lewis is out as Guggenheim chairman. Is he becoming increasingly cranky or what?

Save those hundies. U2 is on tour.

Exercise Yard

This week's NFL Championship Games are going to be affected by the weather. Which is a shame. If these turn out to be stinkers, watch the cry start for these games to be played at warm weather sites. I like the Patriots and the Falcons to move on. Atlanta isn't on the tube much around here, but they have a pretty good defense. New England...what can I say. They are the best team going right now and if they win, Belichick's ticket is punched to Canton. Never would have thought that 10 years ago. Gemini Tedy Bruschi's journey.

Visitor

54 Across: Plaza Hotel girl (6 letters) Answer: Eloise

Well, it looks like the only dirty bomb that was released this week was the Catwoman DVD. (OK, I stole that line.)

Should I start worrying about the toll booth workers strike on the turnpike? It looks like they may walk out on Monday. I mean it is OK to keep going that route even if they are on strike? They have been awfully friendly lately...sympathy ploy or new leaf?

Meal of Links

It's a long read, but the 50 Most Loathsome People list has some gems on there. Our own Ken Blackwell is No. 1.

They finally charged the Dave Matthews Band bus driver for dumping all that shit on those tourists. This is a messy case.

Fort Wayne is America's dumbest city. They bronzed their gold medal.

Exercise Yard

A look at what's happening with the Red Sox, Reds and Pods for next season.

Visitor

42 Across: "Straight Up" singer Paula (5 letters) Answer: Abdul

Is Boston still standing? I mean we've had some strange things come from the Department of Homeland Security before. Who could forget the Duct Tape episode? We're at work today and they have breaking news that someone is in Boston and they might have a dirty bomb. Lemme tell ya, that would send me home in a hurry. There are four Chinese sought in the Boston area for a possible threat, but the source was "unknown and uncorroborated". How does stuff like that get leaked? I had mental images of panic in the streets, but it looks like business as usual.

Meal of Links

Trump and Melania get married this week. I wonder if Robin got an invite. "They're ready for you now."

Apparently it's tough to find a living bugler for a dead guy who needs "Taps" at his funeral. The Ceremonial Bugle fits the bill.

Stan Lee rightfully gets his Marvel profits. And, of course, his spider cents are jingling.

Exercise Yard

Man U wins at Exeter. The right analogy would be "Hoosiers" or maybe the Yankees playing Lake County in a game that meant something.



Visitor

15 Across: Guitarist Lofgren (4 letters) Answer: Nils

I wish people would stop saying the Golden Globes are a predictor of future Oscars. You cannot take the votes of less than 90 people and extrapolate against the votes of over 6,000. It's the flaw of the logic, it cannot be done. Stop it. Now.

Meal of Links

I wonder how Richard Hatch will survive prison. I mean this guy must have a "Follow Me, IRS" tattoo on his forehead.

Offspring joins the Warped Tour. They've added a stroller section this year. Please wheel me out to my car.

The guy at The Freep really likes the iPod Shuffle. I am seriously thinking of getting one. Looks like a 4-week wait. BTW, this week's NFL championship game broadcasts will be available on iTunes on Monday.

Exercise Yard

The Indians sign Cora. Not Joey "Freakin'" Cora, but Alex Cora. Yawn.

Visitor

37 Across: Gorilla of 60's cartoons (7 letters) Answer: Magilla

I had commented on Saturday about the lack of kids knocking on your door to help with your shovelling needs. So, on Sunday, it starts to snow again. I had this internal debate about 3:30 yesterday on whether to leave Eagles-Vikings early or try and fit shovelling in between the end of that game and the start of Pats-Colts.

Then there was a knock. It was a kid. With a shovel. With the Angel of True Temper smiling down on me, I said, "How does $10 sound?" He said, "OK." Hopefully, he comes back on a non-football day when I can really use the help.

Meal of Links

It looks like we'll be getting that old gang back together for a trip to Iran. They might have some nuclear capability and we need to hit that target soon. Or our leaders just wanna play some new war games.

XM appears to be branching out to other media capture products.

These guys sent a whole bunch of stuff through the U.S. Postal Service. You'd be amazed at what got through. I personally liked the $20 bill sent in clear plastic and a deer tibia. "Are you a cultist?" Tee hee.

Exercise Yard

Julio Franco wants to play ball until he's 50. And the guy can still hit.

Visitor

17 Across: "Fernwood 2-Night" star (10 letters) Answer: Martin Mull

It's time for the 62nd Golden Globes recap. The Hollywood Foreign Press is giving out their annual TV and film awards this evening at the International Ballroom of the Beverly Hills Hilton Hotel. I didn't see the red carpet festivities because I saw Peyton lose AGAIN to the Pats.



Maybe the Colts need to get Tee Martin at QB.

I briefly saw the Golden Globe red carpet hosts Nancy Odell, the sickly Al Roker and Lisa Ling (all I can say about her is "Those are new".)

Here we go:

8:02 Renee Zellweger and her Chinese eyes present the first award of the evening. Best Supporting Actor to Clive Owen from "Closer". I just uttered the first WTF of the night. Somebody must have been owed something.

8:05 Best Supporting Actress presented by Tim Robbins, who still lives in the country. I utter the second WTF of the evening as Natalie Portman wins for "Closer". But she's hot, so I move on...but somebody must have been owed something.



8:11 Jennifer Garner (looking splendid, I might add) and Marky Mark present a Best Supporting Actress for TV. Angelica Huston wins for something I didn't see. Something about "Jaws". She "loves the business".

8:13 Jen and Marky with the Best Supporting Actor for TV. Omigod, Shatner wins!!! And gets a kiss from James Spader. He thanked the wife. Businesslike speech, as if he should have won in the past for "T.J. Hooker" or something.

8:20 Diane Lane, looking terrific, introduces something I didn't see, "Kinsey". I hate when they can't show an actual clip, but show a trailer.

8:21 Jim Carrey says, "Good evening, human units." The Italian President of the Foreign Press is mocked by Carrey. This Italian dude introduces Bill Clinton, so he can talk about tsunami aid.

8:25 Claire Danes (boy, the beautiful women just don't stop) and Topher come out for Best Actress Drama for TV. Mariska Hargitay from "Law and Order" wins. Did I miss weird guy at the table? Nope, her Dad was there.



8:28 Clint Eastwood's daughter is a helper this evening. You know, the second-generation daughter who brings the hardware from out back. Now for Drama Series Actor TV. Ian McShane wins for "Deadwood". Do I have to say WTF again? Good actor, but does anyone watch that? He gives a neat acceptance that ends with "Peace in 2005, everybody."

8:35 It's Coach Carter. He introduces "The Incredibles". An actual clip!!

8:37 It's Grandma Streep. She says meanly, "Congratulations, Natalie." as Portman beat her in her category. It's a TV award for Best something-or-other. The "Peter Sellers" movie wins. All of a sudden, "What's New Pussycat?" by Tom Jones is blasted more than any music, thus far. Of course, it's an HBO production.

8:41 Best Actor TV Comedy is presented by an "ER" guy and a "Will and Grace" chick. Jason Bateman wins!!! He is so damn funny on "Arrested Development". He thanked the "future fans" of the show, saying "I can't be more subtle than that". I am Tivoing the show as we speak.



8:46 When did McDonald's become so urban? The chick rappin' about salad is stupid. I'm not lovin' it.

8:49 Halle Berry introduces "Finding Neverland". Again, a trailer, not a clip. Dumb.

8:50 Will Farrell with an eye patch. Says the boating accident was not as bad as reported, that he has to wear the patch only for a couple of months. He then puts on glasses to read the cue cards. That was funny. Annette Bening wins for something I never heard of. But everyone seems to like her, so I won't say WTF.



8:55 CSI: New York chick and the Missing guy (CBS promo) give out the TV drama award. "Nip/Tuck" in a major upset beating "The Sopranos". And, of course, it looks like all of FX goes up to accept. Guy thanks FX for allowing him to have "conjoined twins and a three-way" in the same episode. Sounds like fun for the whole family. Especially if your family name is Manson.

9:02 The tune "Stacy's Mom" on a Dr. Pepper commercial? Gimme a break.

9:05 Naomi Watts (she looks unbelievable) introduces "Eternal Title of the Endless Length". Trailer.



9:07 Crap, it's the "Desperate Housewives" chicks. Category must be Best Performance in a TV drama. I take it back. Eva is making me Longoria. That Nicolette Sheridan is so full of herself. Shine Guy wins for "Peter Sellers". Guess what comes back on? Yes, it's Tom Jones. He dropped a pun about "vowel movements" which was quite clever.

9:12 Al Pacino, looking like a human unit, comes out to introduce the Drama Actress award. Glenn Close wins for something. I think she played a queen. Hey, this was a Showtime production. That's amazing for that network. She's threatening to have the longest speech of the evening, but she stops abruptly.

9:23 Glenn Close, still thanking people, introduces "Closer". It's a clip!!! Mmmm...Portman.

9:24 Scarlett and Ewan present Foreign flick. I'm bored, so I just had a glass of V-8. Man, that's good stuff. I wonder what the 8 vegetables are? BTW, some foreign guys win. They are Spanish. The guy calls Javier Bardem a "henius". And the Holden Hlobes carry on.

9:32 Minnie and her drivers introduce "The Phantom of the Opera". Trailer.

9:34 Matthew McConaghey and someone I didn't see present the "Sideways" writers with an award. The old "stiff the actors, but give the writers an award" thing.

9:36 Mekhi Phifer and an "O.C" woman give out an award for TV actress. Teri Hatcher wins...she's a weirdo, but she's in FHM. Nicolette Sheridan looks pissed. Actually, it was a nice speech.



9:47 OK, Laurence Fishburne intro'ed something I missed, but Lisa Marie Presley (wearing a freakin' cape!!) and a black guy gave out the Best Movie Score to "The Aviator". Who is this dude, as they intro the Best Movie Song award. There's a Jagger song and he's there, so guess who won? Yep, one of the Glimmer Twins and Dave Stewart, the old Eurhythmic. Best line of the night as Mick says, "Thanks to all those at Paramount and all who used to work at Paramount." Great inside joke from an outsider. Dave thanked "all of his kids, all of Mick's kids, and all of their kids' kids" before Mick told him "there were too many to mention".



9:54 Good HP commercial with that song from the Kinks. Bad AmEx commercial from DeNiro.

9:57 Biggest ovation of the night, thus far, is for...Prince!!! He introduces "Ray". A scene!!!



9:58 Ron Howard sans baseball cap gives out the Best Director Movie Award. For some reason as he introduces the nominees, there is background music playing. Clint wins. I love boxing. People are standing. Nice ovation. Nice speech.

10:02 Diane Keaton is still weird. Best Actor Musical or Comedy. No music over nominees. Jamie Foxx clapped for himself, but won for Ray. Long way from "Booty Call". People are standing. He sings. Very nice speech, with some very funny lines. Seemed genuinely humbled by it all.

10:09 I get to take a break, as Robin Williams, who hasn't been funny in 20 years, wins a lifetime achievement award. Who's next, Red Buttons? Hey, the snow plow just when past. Pierce Brosnan with the introduction. I can't stand this. "Good Morning Vietnam" was how long ago? OK, that and "The Fisher King" and "Dead Again". I'm gonna puke, it's "Patch Adams". Mike Nichols, the director of "Closer", brings out the award. Mmmmm, two actor awards for "Closer". Maybe a tradeoff for Nichols being there? Hey, at least Robin let me know who the black dude was. It was Puff Daddy. Or was it Usher?

10:31 Orlando Bloom! Who knew he was British? OK, I knew who he was, but he wins the Reggie Cleveland Name Award-Hollywood Division. You know, white guy with the black sounding name. He introduces something I missed.

10:33 There's a girl on stage and they call her Charlize! Actor Movie Award. Leo wins for "The Aviator". And he's there. Women faint around the globe. Nice words for Marty. He thanked his parents, too. And pitched for more tsunami aid. I wonder if he still parties a lot.



10:37 No offense, but do you really want Larry King in your movie ads? Again, what demographic are you going for? But "The Phantom" movie and "Friday Night Lights" DVD version is using King in their ads. Idiots.

10:40 Comedy Award. It's "Sopranos" guy and Patricia Arquette. Crap. "Desperate Housewives" wins. Oh God, they'll be on every show for the next year. The creator is going on and on. Well, at least he seems happy.

10:44 Kate Hudson introduces "Sideways". It's a trailer.

10:45 Dustin Hoffman in human unit mode. Actress Movie Drama. Hilary Swank wins. What if she hit Hoffman with a right hook? Morgan Freeman gets his props. Clint, as well.

10:54 Stallone sounds drunk. He introduces "Million Dollar Baby".

10:55 Best Musical or Comedy by Goldie Hawn. "Sideways" wins the award. Great movie. The cast goes up. Man, Giamatti was so good in that movie.

10:58 It's Nikki the K. Best Movie Drama. It goes to "The Aviator". They have a nearby table. Leo back up there with Marty. Marty looks overwhelmed. It really is his best movie in a long time. We're runnin' over on time. Get on with it.

11:01 Nikki bids us "Good night!" The announcer says if you missed any of the show, it's on Bravo later this week.

I accompanied some friends to Michael Symon's Lola the other night. Excellent food. The smoked fish appetizer was outstanding, which allowed everyone to sing "Like A Sturgeon" and I had walleye that was magnifique. But I told my Dad yesterday that he was in the wrong business, because a dozen pierogis at Lola would cost $54. Yep, two pierogi apps for $9. Lots of fun there though.

Latest version of Random Thoughts:

I think I had a bizarre sleeping injury as my pinky feels like it may have been broken.

Ralphie May should not be on Celebrity Fit Club. Seriously, that guy looks like he needs bariatric surgery. Like last week.

The poker series, Tilt on ESPN, has the potential to be really bad. Michael Madsen gets fellated within the first 10 minutes of epsiode one, so be prepared to hide the kiddies throughout this one. My favorite Madsen line from week one: "I wipe my ass with 8 grand."

The Mad TV version of Ashlee Simpson offering excuses was one of the funniest things I've seen lately.

The Steelers were very lucky to beat the J-E-T-S yesterday. Roethlisberger was terrible and his last interception was rather Couch-like. Very bad mechanics on that one. Two missed FGs bailed out Cowher. I'd still like the answer on why the Jets took a knee (to lose yardage!!) with six seconds left in regulation.

Meal of Links

A review of NFL Films'"Autumn Thunder" CD.

Court stuff. The trials of Tyco and Worldcom start up this week.

Live from Saturn.

Exercise Yard

The latest documentary from Ken Burns looks like a keeper. It's about Jack Johnson. And it has Bert Sugar involved, so it has to be good.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

If anyone wants to move by me, there is another house that just went up for sale. Two doors down from me. Young couple, been there a couple of years, fixed it up, they are now leaving. It's quiet since Future Felon left.

Is anyone else bothered by KFC playing "Sweet Home Alabama" in their ads? They are not AFC. I haven't had them in a long time, but KFC makes a mean wing.

Meal of Links

Bob Marley's widow says he's not leaving Jamaica. "Get up, stand up. Stand up for your flight...to Ethiopia."

I'm sure TV can come up with something better than "Jackson Trial Re-Enactments". They say they did this with OJ. I don't remember that.

Prince Harry must have seen "American History X" on cable the other evening. Anyhow, here's a picture of a pretty stupid thing for a Prince to do. Even the Italian soccer guys are doing it.

Exercise Yard

Another from the unending series of unfortunate headlines.

Visitor

48 Across: Emmy winner Reiner (3 letters) Answer: Rob

The folks at the PD gave a review to 83 Degrees Caribbean Cuisine. It seems like there are lots of dishes with plantains in them. I actually saw someone driving into their lot today, but it looks dark in there all the time.

I see the rumblings for a new convention center have started again. I think all that money went to tsunami relief and the war effort. BTW, it was announced today there were no WMD. Imagine that.

Meal of Links

I like the way Angelina Jolie looks. But, my God, she has starred with numerous men over the years and seems to leave broken marriages in her wake. Even her Dad was affected.

I know Blackwell is about as current as disco, but here is his worst dressed list. Do you think Merv still gets his update in person?

It's time to build a better Bush. My favorite is the big smiled, drunken, combed-over Bush.

Exercise Yard

The Red Sox keep rockin' for the Jimmy Fund. Uncle Petey Gammons was on the bill with my faves, The Dropkick Murphys. And, of course, Theo Epstein the Boy Wonder with his axe.



Visitor

36 Across: Film critic Reed (3 letters) Answer: Rex

Tony Dungy explains Randy Moss' mooning the crowd at Green Bay. If you really have "moral outrage" about Moss, take him off your fantasy team. It's the NFL, not the Cub Scouts. For cryin' out loud, the Packers have a guy who shit in a girl's dorm in college. Doesn't sound bad, except it was in a closet. They aren't all saints, folks.

Meal of Links

Olive oil joins the fight against breast cancer.

If old timers suffer some weight loss, it might be the onset of Alzheimer's. Maybe they forget to eat? I dunno.

ABC's "Nightline" and "This Week" have their lowest ratings ever. I have not seen either of these shows in quite a while.

Exercise Yard

Spain is having trouble with racist cheers at its soccer matches lately. Taking the idea of a "throwback" way too seriously.

Visitor

36 Down: Actress Russo (4 letters) Answer: Rene

I saw something at the Cleveland State basketball game that was kinda funny. The mascot, Vike, was trying to sink halfcourt shots at halftime, when one of the errant shots hit a music stand in the pep band. Of course, a chain reaction of other stands falling may have started, but sheet music went flying. Pep Band Director takes his headphones off, goes onto the court and starts yelling at Vike to shoot at the other basket. Hadn't seen Mascot Abuse in a while.

There is a new restaurant around the corner named "83 Degrees Carribean Cuisine". This is the third attempt at making a go of it in this old Taco Bell restaurant. "Dogs N' Taters" and "Joe's" have failed. My feeling is that Babu Bhatt must be the manager, because I'm not sure the neighborhood was exactly shouting for Carribean cuisine.

Meal of Links

GM unveils its new hydrogen vehicle at the North American Auto Show.

Pitt and Aniston break up. I never liked her.

Hollywood rumors to consider during the "People's Choice Awards" tonight.

Exercise Yard

Paul Newman had to escape his burning race car. Turn signal still on.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

I saw the roll call of the tsunami dead today. Is anyone weirded out that only one poor soul in Kenya got it. I mean what is the story behind that? Doesn't Kenya seem far away from the disaster? I'm having trouble comprehending that. Only one guy. Tourist? Local?

Meal of Links

Bush does Yoga.

Is this a bad headline?

I have no desire to see Mickey Rooney's ass. Ever.

Exercise Yard

Kevin Millwood and his noodle-for-an-arm finally signs with the Indians. Time to resurrect the "What day does Sandy Alomar go on the disabled list?" pool.

Visitor

38 Across: Jeff of "The Lawnmower Man" (5 letters) Answer: Fahey (The new low of celebrity appearances in the puzzle)

It's another year, and it's time to get rid of more of the old comic strips. This all started when the LA Times axed "Garfield". Does anyone read that crap anymore? "Brevity" is due to show up in the PD soon and it's pretty funny. Now if the "Dysfunctional Family Circus" was a regular feature, people would stop at that page for once.

Meal of Links

Bill Gates suffered through three Windows crashes at his CES keynote speech. Luckily Conan O'Brien was there with quips like, "Who's in charge of Microsoft?...Oh."

Amid thousands of complaints, the BBC still plans to air "Jerry Springer-The Opera". Jerry Beads to all who complain.

The Post Office is going to sell commemorative porn stamps. No mention of packages, special deliveries or certified males. Rodney Cockburn, are you kidding me?

Exercise Yard

Trust me, if this proposed show about Doug Christie and his wife makes it on the air, I am watching. She may be the most jealous woman on earth.

Visitor

38 Across: Pitcher Maglie et al. (4 letters) Answer: Sals

My final drilling and filling took place at the dentist today. One would think I never heard the word "Crest" before. But it was hilarious to see 19 Action News try and make a story of this morning's "storm". Apparently, they committed their morning news to stick around until 9:00. Great shots of fast moving traffic, barely slushy sidewalks and not much snow while every anchor, reporter and weatherman were welcoming Armageddon. The awful television was quite enjoyable. My favorite was the Oberlin police chief intro'ed with "Hey, it's bad out west." The guy comes on and says, "It isn't that bad out here."

Meal of Links

The Consumer Electronics Show (and that show is always neat) is this week. My God, Samsung is coming out with an 80-inch Plasma TV. It's only $40,000.

Oscar time is near. The debate has already started.

Ashlee Simpson gets booed off the stage at halftime of the Orange Bowl. I'll give you the fact that the sound was terrible, but I saw it as it happened, and I still can't believe how bad that sucked.

Exercise Yard

Ohio State AD, Andy Geiger, is retiring. Geiger took on the media after Maurice Clarett's November allegations, and ended up with egg on his face. Of course, he says he was thinking of retiring early for quite some time (sure). A slight surprise, but not a shock, as he was due to retire in 2006.

Visitor

4 Down: Fashionable Geoffrey (5 letters) Answer: Beene

This is strange. I drive around town quite a bit and never see anyone with the drunk driving plates. Now I've seen two of them the last two days. One at the Stow Wendy's and the other on 77 North near Rockside. I don't like the idea, why further stigmatize these folks. It's very jolting when you see them, because they stand out so much. It's scarlet numbers instead of a scarlet letter.

Meal of Links

They hauled a guy into court for aiming a laser at a plane. He tried to blame it on somebody named Luke.

Here we go again. Vince Neil said the F-word on the Tonight Show's New Year's Eve telecast. Happy Fucking New Year!!

This old timer had a blood-alcohol level of .914 and lived. No, I was not in Plovdiv, Bulgaria on the 20th of December.

Exercise Yard

OK, it's a week old (news takes time to leave Gilroy, CA), but Jeff Garcia pops off about life with our favorite football team.

Visitor

62 Across: Mr. T and cohorts (5 letters) Answer: A-Team

Well, he is single now.



(Stamos and the Olsens, for the forgetful.)

Meal of Links

British "stars" are going to record a tsunami charity single. Current "Stars" like Boy George and Cliff Richard. Look for Right Said Fred to be contacted.

Weight Watchers appears to be the best way to lose weight.

Someone recently dialed 867-5309 in each area code. Some folks answer knowing the call is for Jenny.

Exercise Yard

Memo to the Angels: Team name does not matter. If you stink, people won't come.

Visitor

48 Across: "Rabbit, Run" author (6 letters) Answer: Updike

My brother and I and 120 (yes, only 120) of the hippest folks in town took in the Was (Not Was) show at the House of Blues last night. The band is back! As Don Was said, "This is only our 4th gig in 14 years, so we are gonna play our asses off." There are so many elements to this group, but I've always thought it most resembled George Clinton's band (at the HOB in a couple of weeks), although in a more organized way and a helluva lot funnier. David Was introduced the song, "I Blew Up The United States" by saying, "We recorded this song in 1990, and sorry we had to be prophetic. But we're dedicating the song to all the victims...of 11-2. Election Day!!!" That made me laugh. "I Feel Better Than James Brown" which is a funny take on "I Feel Good" was another highlight with the stanza:

I was attending Mardi Gras with Fidel Castro
Buxom cross dressers threw fake gold coins at our feet
As we discussed the fate of the revolution
Suddenly, CIA men dressed in bikinis
Tried to stab us with fountain pens
Fidel blew mustard gas from his cigar
And immobilized the lot of them
19 tequilas later we had a deal
Havana goes back to the mob
And Fidel and I open a chain of Kentucky Fried Chicken shops

Funk music at its finest.

The Twinemen from Boston were the openers. Speaking of prophetic, my brother said, "I guess they're trying to sound like Morphine." After that song, the lead songstress said, "A lot of people get pissed off about that last song and say we are trying to ripoff Morphine." Unbeknownest to either one of us at the time, the drummer and sax guy were in Morphine!

Meal of Links

Some dudes tried to rob the World Series of Poker champ, "The Fossilman", at the Bellagio. Apparently, they couldn't get "all in" his pockets.

More ass photos from The Sun. Of course, Kylie Minogue is there.

Take a look at the 2004 Office Attachment Awards.

Exercise Yard

Iowa beats LSU in an improbable finish at the Capital One Bowl. Safety David Spade was out of no-sition on the play.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Scene from last night's party. Happy New Year, everyone.



Meal of Links

A recap of the year's odd police calls from Lodi, California.

Homemade pyrotechnics. Dutch Boys do more than paint.

Don't use these words in 2005. George Carlin free to say anything.

Exercise Yard

It's the final Uni Watch for 2004.

Visitor

23 Across: Morales of "La Bamba" (4 letters) Answer: Esai