Whoa, Nellie.













I watched the BCS Championship Game last night, which Texas won, 41-38, over Southern Cal. And it was a good game. But, my goodness, was Keith Jackson a far cry from what he once was in the booth. We do not get a lot of the West Coast games during the regular season and that's where Keith does most of his announcin' these days. Therefore, I hadn't heard him much lately.

My biggest beef is that he didn't call the game, but sorta/kinda reacted to it. No excitement when USC gets stuffed on 4th down near the end of the game, and his call of Vince Young's game-winning TD was simply, "Vince Young scores." Keith, are you even at the game at this point or better yet, awake? It's almost 12:30 in the Eastern time zone and I'm still alert.

And did anyone else think he might have been dipping into the Old Panther or whatever old timey hosses drink? These are just a few of his gaffes:

OK, it's probably appropriate to call them "times out", instead of "timeouts", but no one ever says "times out". Except for Keith last night.

He admits, "I am watching the game with binoculars." Probably should have said "cardinal-colored USC glasses." Several people in the stands are also using binos. But they paid to get in. "Oscar, use your monitor!"

Couldn't read the AFLAC trivia questions correctly. Not once, but twice!

Clearly called a missed Texas extra point, "Good!". Clearly called a made Texas field goal, "That's wide."

Called LenDale White of USC, "LenDale Watson".

At the end of the third quarter, he kept insisting it was a timeout. Finally, someone got in his ear and spared us. "I know you're Keith Jackson, you big ugly, but it's the end of the fuckin' quarter. Clown."

I thought the funniest thing was his promo for Heather Graham's new ABC show, "Emily's Reasons Why Not". "'Don't miss the season premiere of "Emily's Reasons...Why Not'. Emily's Reason...I dunno...Starring Heather...Graham. A new comedy about love, laughter and life, premiering at Monday, 9 central, followed by an all-new 'Jake' ... [world's longest dead air] ... in Progress,' starring John Stah-mos." Stah-mos! Hah! It's like Harry Caray returned to the booth. So sad.

And, of course, Keith had to mention that the clock did not move on the 2-point conversion from Texas with 19 seconds left. Dan Fouts with a great rebuttal: "That's an extra point, it's probably not going to..."

Fouts, however, was pretty good and somehow worked in a "Quidditch" reference after Reggie Bush flew in for a TD. Somewhere, Dennis Miller is smiling. Well, he was good until he brought out the "In-VINCE-able" line he was waiting to use for a month after Young's last TD.

My other pet peeve is that when USC went for it on 4th down to clinch the game, or so they thought, neither Jackson nor Fouts raised the possibility of a punt to pin Texas deep in their own territory, which is the normal play. That would have given Vince Young a much longer field to navigate, 90 yards or so. Or the fact that Bush, the Heisman Trophy winner, isn't even in the game. When White missed the first down, even Fouts got sucked into Jackson's black hole, by circling a ref who he said was the guy to pay attention to, because he was marking the ball. Not so fast, my friend, as the linesman on the other side of the field was the one who was actually giving USC a rather favorable spot, which resulted in a measurement. It was short, and then Young goes down the shorter field and wins the game for Texas.

ABC broadcasts only the Rose Bowl next year, as Fox gets the other 4 BCS games. Keep in mind, Fox will do zero regular season games, so I couldn't tell you who will call these games. But I can guarantee the guy from "House" will be at the championship game, so Fox can promo it. "Hey, is there a Doctor in the house? Why yes, it's Hugh Laurie from the smash hit "House", seen Tuesdays at 9 Eastern/8 Central, right here on Fox." Trust me, it's happening next January.

BTW, the Rose Bowl is replayed on ESPN Classic this Saturday at 7:00. See the demise of Keith Jackson. Again.

Meal of Links

As predicted here, Jon Stewart hosts the Oscars. Keith Jackson apparently turned the Academy down.

Barry Cowsill died. He had been missing since Katrina went through Nawlins. Found on a wharf. That doesn't sound pleasant. Anyhow, the Cowsills performed at the first concert I ever attended. It was at Public Hall. I think I spilled Mayor Stokes' drinks, drank Duke beer, and drunkenly called people from the pay phones. I vowed it would never happen again. Christ, I feel like Earl Hickey. "Thanks, karma."

Do you think we can scare up 20 people to perform at the Super Bowl? I like the fact you need to be part of a formal group, but not really, as long as your group numbers 20. I, of course, will be Group Leader because I said so. We won't actually see the game, but we'll have FUN!

Exercise Yard

Father of mine (who behaved himself) and I attended the CSU-Wright State game this evening. Of course, Cleveland State lost, 58-55, and is winless in league play. I cannot believe it was that close as Wright State, who had not won a road game all year, was up by 8 with 2:50 left. CSU got within 2 as Raheem Moss threw in two three-pointers, but could not do it at the end. CSU could not rebound, shoot, or knock down foul shots. The refereeing was incredibly poor, which is standard for the Horizon League. CSU gets a week off until Detroit, who has not won a road game either, shows up.

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14 Across: Mendes of "Hitch" (3 letters) Answer: Eva