"Don't fire me because I'm beautiful."

I think I witnessed the wackiest "Apprentice" ever on Thursday. First of all, there was no O'Jays theme. Huh? Did they use copyright money to bail out Levert over the weekend? Then we had an Audrey meltdown, the tasks were on for all of what, 15 minutes? The boardroom was on for 30 minutes! Wow, the editors must really be working hard, because it's apparent these folks are not giving them much to work with.

I happened to catch two "Seinfeld" episodes fore and aft, and they somehow related to the show. First of all, they fired Rula Lenska...I mean Audrey. In a speech that seemed to be channeling "The Letter" from "Seinfeld", Rula...I mean Audrey goes off on how her parents went off to prison and left her with nothing. Nothing! As Seinfeld says, "She's a thief, a bunco artist!" because on "The Apprentice" website, Audrey seems to trumpet the fact that she sold her parents' home for a $15,000 profit, while they were in the Graybar Hotel. Then she continues to go off on how she wanted to scar herself when she was younger because everyone thought she was be-yoo-tee-ful. Yeah, she's scarred, but I think it's her vision.

Anyhow, this week's task was to run a miniature golf course at Chelsea Piers. The Book People went with a safari theme and Kendra saved the day by getting exclusive co-promotional rights at the other attractions. The Street People went with the dreaded circus theme. Bright idea for the kiddies. Reminiscent of Stephen King's "It"--"Can't sleep, clown will eat me." or "The Opera" from "Seinfeld" You know, the Crazy Joe Davola episode. [Davola (dressed as Pagliacci): "Are you still afraid of the clowns?" Kramer: "Yeahhhhh."] So, they dress as clowns and, of course, the kids are terrified. It doesn't help that one of the guys is chewing tobacco. Obviously, the Books win and smoked the other team by $200.

The winners got to play golf at a Trump club in Jersey with Trump and "one of the greatest golfers in the world", Christie Kerr. They show up in the Trumpcopter. Erin golfs like Happy Gilmore. Make that a truly awful Happy Gilmore and Trump refers to her stroke as "delicate". Stephanie, looking for affirmation, can be seen behind Erin hoping Trump would critique her swing. She said earlier she had played golf and was probably hoping for a round by herself with Trump.

In the boardroom, it was obvious Rula...I mean Audrey, was going down. John made a comment about her being a "22-year-old girl" and that she was "beautiful and smart" and that didn't sit well with this week's George substitute, "Ken Doll". On the surface, that would seem bad, but Trump himself kept bringing up the beauty part. When it came time to pick the "choices to be fired", Audrey picks three. Angie, John and tobacco-chewing clown. Clown will be gone soon, because Trump called him an addict. What bothered me about choosing three was Danny got an earful from Trump about breaking rules when he got canned. For Audrey choosing three, he said, "OK, if you want to choose three, I'll let you." Come on, Donald, rules are rules. Aren't they? Carolyn then layeth the smackdown on Audrey and Trump fires her. Then he says, "At least they can't say I picked the best-looking one."

I think he just dissed the remaining females, didn't he? Or was he just overwhelmed by Rula's...I mean Audrey's, beauty. Next week, the teams get changed.

Hooray.

Meal of Links

I can't remember the last time we had an oops moment like this. You mean we fired upon the Italian journalist hostage, who had been freed earlier? Ay carumba. But was her kidnapping a hoax? Mmmmmm.

I had my taxes done today. Keep in mind, city taxes are now due on April 15, not April 30, as had been the custom.

Delphi has their own accounting scandal. It's significant because they are the largest auto parts maker in the U.S.

Exercise Yard

Busy slate today. The Cavs bench is just killing them right now. Traylor moves into the starting lineup...don't mind that yawn. Could have made more moves at the deadline.

Formula One, another sign of spring, is on from Down Under on Speed tonight.

Showtime comes through with another good fight, at least on paper, tonight. It is Castillo and Diaz. Jeff "Left Hook" Lacy on the undercard.

And I Tivo'ed Norwich City and Chelsea. Shhhh, don't tell me who won.

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