Randomness from today's Browns home game:

Ah, Opening Day Pageantry for the Browns:

















Special Guest: My brother Jeff, along with his uncanny Browns winning percentage, is in attendance at today's game. The Browns ("Here in Cleveland? I didn't know they still had a team!") Version 2.3 seems to be teetering on the brink.

It could be the brink of a disaster or the start of something good. Knowing the Browns as I do, I lean heavily toward the former. Why the pessimism? We have a coach who may be fired, if there are no wins on this early schedule. Which includes our division rivals in the first three home games. Our starting quarterback seems to be in the position of keeping the seat warm for the heir apparent. Our new O.C., "Chud", showed absolutely nothing in the preseason, and the new offense looked a lot like the old offense, except for some motion packages. Is he a poker player or a genius? Time will tell. We have no suitable backup at running back. And, by God, what is my epitaph? "We still can't stop the fuckin' run."

Usually, Opening Day should be teeming with optimism. The grass always looks greener, the Browns look browner and the hot dogs are, well, hot doggier. But these appear to be the perennial SOBs (Same Old Browns) they've been since their return.

















Browns Spirit Flag: The Browns unveiled a Spirit Flag today. They also played "Smells Like Teen Spirit" after their only TD. I said, "It smells like team spirit...like crap."

Today's Opponent: Our hated rivals, the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Stillers come to town with a new head coach, one of the youngest in the league. They also have a mascot for the first time in their history, one Steely McBeam. The QB, Ben Roethlisberger, is healthy once again. Last year, the unhealthy version torched us in a 4th quarter comeback. They run the ball well and it seems like a typical Steeler team.

The Weather: Not looking promising early Sunday morning. However, as the morning progressed, it appeared most of the rain moved out. And it did, until the 4th quarter, when it rained pretty hard for several minutes.

Today's Giveaway: The Browns gave away orange towels that were supposed to counteract the Terrible Towel of the Steelers. I didn't get one, but I believe the towel read, "Here we go Brownies, here we go!"

Section 345: Hey, you could tell the Steelers were in town. The "Asshole" chants were prevalent and, of course, the gendarmes were called at least three times to quell any disturbances between fans of the rivals. Obviously, it was the Steelers fans fault, as it always seems to be.

Yes, I did forget that one of the people escorted out was probably our favorite jersey of the day. An orange jersey with the number 7&7 and the name "Drunken Monkey".

Best Browns Play: The flyover at the beginning of the game. I just loves me those flyovers, with real military jets. Later on, there was a Modell flyover, when a commercial jet was headed for Hopkins.

Second-Best Browns Play: Gene Hickerson was presented with his Hall of Fame ring today. For the veteran fans of the Browns in the crowd, it was an extremely nice gesture. Randy Lerner does a lot of these things the right way.

Worst Browns Play: Browns get the opening kickoff. Everyone excited. Let's start the season right, men. First play: 2-yard run. Like "Deal or No Deal", that's OK. Second play: Incomplete pass. Mmmm, that's familiar. Third play: Sack. Uh-oh. Bring on the punt team.

Our new punter, Paul Ernster fumbles the snap, picks up the ball, runs to his left, kicks, then gets drilled. Ball only goes 15 yards. In the meantime, flags are flying everywhere. Then, like a scene from a CYO game, the ref tells us there are four penalties, all on the Browns. Just when you think you've seen it all, like the year under Marty Schottenheimer, when the Browns used anywhere from 8 to 13 players on a play, this occurs. I'm not sure I've ever seen three, let alone four fouls on one team. There was an illegal formation, two holdings and a bunch of illegal men downfield. A microcosm of all that ails this team.

Oh, and the Roethlisberger-to-Holmes 40-yard pass was a thing of beauty to watch. But that play was bad for us.

Best Line from Me (after we get the ball trailing, 24-0): "There's a gleam, men!"

Best Line from Jeff (after another stupid replay challenge): "Maybe he needs a Challenge Coordinator." This now makes Romeo zero-for-a million on replay challenges. Jeff thinks he needs to throw the beanbag like a man, so the refs treat him with respect.

Best Line from a Random (after another Derek Anderson incomplete pass): "You suck, too."

Oddest Browns Jersey: Again with the extremely poor choices. The typical: 2 Couch, 5 Garcia, 10 Holcomb, 31 Green (can you think of anymore reviled players here?) But these were the oddest: 12 Strock, 38 Langham, 57 Rudd (the most peculiar, by far), 81 Morgan (in orange and white) and a bizarre trio of people wearing 81 Bryant (very strange).

Food Items: Brat $4.75, Dr. Pepper $3.50. My brother, apparently on his way to the electric chair, had 2 hot dogs, a pretzel and a pop. OK, I shared some of the pretzel.

Best Fan Cam Feature: I have had it with these halftime highlights the Browns present. Today, "Baghdad Dave" Chudowsky delivers the news through some sort of Browns Filter. Please note, we are getting our asses kicked, 17-0, at the half. But you wouldn't know it from the highlights. Once again, they refuse to show any Steeler scores. It gets worse, as they show a pass completion from Charlie Frye, who was unceremoniously yanked as QB early. WTF? They show random Browns plays that actually gained yardage, and there were not many. Then, looking for some sort of silver lining, he utters what may have been the most preposterous thing I've ever heard: "The Browns are looking good on Time of Possession." I mean, seriously, can this guy right now. Unbelievable. Amazingly, they only had the ball for about 2 minutes in the second half.

The Fuckin' Run: The Browns gave up 206 yards on the ground. Ugh. They ran for 46. Yikes.

Worst Stat: Charlie Frye was sacked five times and lasted only 23 minutes as the Browns quarterback before he was benched. 23 minutes! Amazing.

2nd Worst Stat: Charlie Frye's QB rating was 10. You need to be really bad to get a 10. Makes you yearn for the halcyon days of Doug Peterson.

Most Interesting Stat: The Browns had five turnovers (2 interceptions, 3 fumbles)



















Why, oh why, do I continue this torture? A game of high hopes for most people, dashed so quickly. Sarcasm enters the building in record time, two minutes and one second into the game, with the botched punt. Shouts of "Brady! Brady!" echoing throughout the stands. Frye lasts 23 minutes as quarterback. Winslow with a bad penalty, Cribbs with a bad penalty. Anderson throwing behind his receivers. Frye getting sacked. Sacked again. Again. Again. Again. Jurevicius with a drop. Carter with a drop. Romeo bungling both of his replay challenges. Defense not doing much of anything. Punter will be cut this week.

Browns lose, 34-7.

Yep, this is our team:

















Welcome to the 2007 season!

Meal of Links

A look at some really bad cars. None of mine are on here.

What Congress thinks about the surge. I actually like Gen. Petraeus, but he's in a tough spot.

People can be kicked off of airplanes because of what they wear? When my Dad told me about this, I thought, boy, her outfit must have been rally racy. But now I don't think so.

Exercise Yard

The secret signs of beach volleyball. Looked at this a long time and still couldn't figure it out.

Visitor

None. Are you ready for some football? Hey, the Browns are playing, too.

I saw the experience that is The Killers last night. S. and I headed Downtown to check them out. Boy, the preview article sounds like a band of full of themselves, but we must soldier on. We were at Becky's fore and aft.

The Venue: This show took place at The Bart on the campus of one Cleveland State University. It's normally not that bad of a place to see a show. This, of course, was the "Half-House" setup with a General Admission pit on the floor and the big curtain behind the stage sectioning off the rest of the arena.

The Opening Act: This was Louis XIV, a band I describe as the "kind of band you hear on the radio and can't wait to change the channel." OK, they are not that heinous, but close. Needless to say, we didn't arrive until after they were done. I asked the young man next to me how they were. He replied, "If I knew they were going to be that bad, I would have come in the same time as you." Uh-oh.

Things I Noticed: The Bart-Tender was told ahead of time there would be a bunch of kids there, he wouldn't be busy. Wrong'em boyo. He had a huge line. BTW, chaperone hat was not even in danger of coming out on this one...who knew? And another thing, the shorts on these women keep getting shorter and shorter and shorter and then they'll tell two friends and then they'll two friends and so on and so on and so on.

I decided I could do many of the moves that the lead singer, Brandon Flowers, does. He walked across the stage monitors up front, pumped his fist a few times, waved his arms theatrically on other occasions and moved about rather oddly. Virtually no stage banter. Hey, I can do that.

The Tickets: We had tickets in Section 114. This is a section on the east side of the arena, one of the sections that faces the stage. Our section was directly in the middle. No sitting for this one either, so I can't speak to how comfortable the chair might have been. Oh, and someone kept farting. Now, THAT was heinous.

The Sound: Awful. One of the worst I've heard at CSU. Keyboards were tinny, lyrics were extremely muddy. I know it's very early in the tour, but jeezy creezy!

The Stage: The setup was rather sparse, I thought. They came out to a video that took us to Sam's Town. Vegas, baby! And the title of their latest album. For a while, I thought we were getting video from Area 51, as there were lots of desert shots. Finally, the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign is shown and we're off! That was the last piece of video for the evening, as this was projected on a thin curtain at the front of the stage. There was a lighted Sam's Town logo hanging at the back of the stage. Some sort of odd white Christmas light design, hung on the keyboard up front and two speakers on the side.

We have guitar on the left, lead singer w/keyboard in the middle, bass on right, upper right had keyboards, drummer in upper middle. He also had a big gong, but I'll be damned if I saw him use it. Then again, I was drinking.

Oh, yeah, the confetti. When they first entered the stage to the song "Sam's Town", these bits of confetti were coming down through red, white and blue lights. It seemed like overkill, because I thought they dropped a lot. Not convention-like, mind you, but a sizable amount.

The Music:: Sound aside, The Killers put on the type of show I thought they would. The show was about 90 minutes long and they look like they should be having more fun, and sometimes the audience appears not to get into some songs, because of that. The energy level increases tenfold when one of their hits is played. They only have two albums, but are played rather consistently on XM, and it's obvious that the youth like them. So, there is a rather odd sense the band can do whatever they want because of their early success, and I think they choose to do that. I'd put them in the reasonably entertaining category.

They played all of the hits, including: "Mr. Brightside", "Smile Like You Mean It", "Somebody Told Me" and "When You Were Young". And a bunch of stuff I did not know.

They also did two covers in the encore: "Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" (yes, that version and I still know the words) and Joy Division's (that band again) "Shadow Play". And, of course, they closed with "All These Things That I've Done". Remember "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier."

Soeder's review is here.

Meal of Links

Passport update. I received my passport yesterday. The renewal was sent on August 7 and I received the new one on September 7. This was regular processing, not expedited, and I got it one month's time. No horror stories at all. As a matter of fact, it was issued on August 21, only two weeks after I sent in the application.

The most rockin' song of all time. Could it really be "Ramble Tamble"? I tell ya what, that ain't that bad of a choice. But, obviously, there are so many others that could qualify. The comments indicate that tunes from The Stooges, Doors, The Who and many, many others could qualify. Great to see the love for "20th Century Boy", which I think makes it on all criteria, especially the drive faster part. And with that great T. Rex lyric, "Well it's plain to see you were meant for me. Yeah, I'm your toy, your 20th century boy." A staple on my listening chart. Really some other good ones like "The Rocker" by Thin Lizzy. Without question, their best song. And "Highway Star" by Deep Purple. "Ace of Spades", too. Hah! This was a pretty good read.

Hey, folks! Salt your meat!

Exercise Yard

MLB is fairly confident the Indians will win the division. We did not have to participate in any coin flips. BTW, lead is down to 5 games.

Visitor

14 Down: Legendary swimmer (10 letters) Answer: Sea Monster

I took a walk over to my Dad's earlier this evening. So, we ended up watching "Seinfeld", is that a shock? After "Serenity Now" concluded, it's the "Alec Berg" episode, also referred to as its real title, "The Face Painter". Anyhow, something happens during the show (and I'm not saying what) and all of a sudden, my Dad says, "That's you." I said, "What?" (could have said "Serenity Now!", but I didn't.) He says, "Yeah, that's you." I told him, "I need examples." Then he got all flustered and said, "I can't pinpoint the times, but that's you!"

These things occur in the episode:

George says, "Do you realize toilet paper has not changed in my lifetime?"

Kramer says, "Oh, I'm there. Monongahela!"

Puddy paints his face for a New Jersey Devils hockey game.

Kramer gets in a fight with a monkey.

Jerry says (in a John Houseman voice), "Did you hand in your assignment, Mr. Berg?"

Was it any of these or do we have to go off the board for the answer? I know, and I may tell you someday. Not now.

Meal of Links

Is this cat asleep or dead? That reminds of myself last Sunday.

Mario Batali claims I'm not dead. Yet.

Hey, it's a Christian Bale interview. If you haven't seen "The Machinist", please do. Awesome movie.

Exercise Yard

OK, I saw some predictions for the Browns division on Deadspin. What really made me laugh were the comments. These predictions were ranked, but not by the actual names of the cities, but other things.

For instance, here are two predictions for the order of finish:

The Wire
WKRP
Mr. Belvedere
Drew Carey

Older black coach
Young black coach
Not a black coach
Oldest, fattest, blackest head coach

I think we're headed for last again.

Here's a nice recap of last week's college football news. Obviously, Michigan's loss was the Big Magilla, but look at those other big schools who bombed.

Visitor

33 Across: "Rights of Man" author (5 letters) Answer: Paine

This is unusual, but on a good note. I got an e-mail from the passport folks about the progress of my renewal. Lo and behold, it's in the mail. It looks like it's going to take only five weeks from when I sent the application. I guess the added help arrived or the fact I didn't need it for the summer worked to my advantage.
















But they were sticking to the 10-12 week turnaround for regular processing. So, I was pleasantly surprised to hear it moved along. Now I gotta fill it up.

Meal of Links

Here is another program that will convert videos. I tried it and the speed is pretty good.

Apple put out the iPhone without the Phone part and called it iTouch. It reeks of cool.

The Joy Division movie, "Control" finally has its own website. It reeks of cool even more than that iTouch. And what if I got an iTouch and then downloaded "Control" to it? I don't know if I could stand it. "Control" is my must see flick for the fall.

Exercise Yard

I decided to check out this list of NFL Power Rankings. Where are the Browns? Scrolling...scrolling...wait for it....scrolling...oh, there they are. 31st of 32 teams. Can't wait for that opening game on Sunday.

Visitor

35 Across: He led his team in homers for 18 straight years (3 letters) Answer: Ott (Did you know Mel Ott can sign his name 3 times faster than Franklin Gutierrez?)

Football has started. Boy, I am expecting big things from Michigan this year. What? They lost last week to Appalachian State? At home? Hey, Coach Carr said we can start over this week and by God, that's the proper attitude. Very reminiscent of the Belichick Occupation in Cleveland when offensive coordinator Steve Crosby said we once won a game because we had better stats.

I am playing Fantasy Football this year. Different, in that we don't have to worry about salary caps or injuries or waiver wires. We are trying a game where once you use a guy for a week, you cannot use him again for the rest of the season. Sponsored by NBC Sports. Very intriguing concept. Beauty is you don't have to spend lots of hours on it.

QBs: Harrington, Cutler
RBs: Parker, Portis
WRs: Stallworth, Holmes, Chambers
TE: Crumpler
K: Stover
Defense/Special Teams: Pittsburgh
Sunday Bonus Player: Owens

All individual, no league. Highest ranked person wins.

I'm taking the approach of waiting to use most of the superstars for games where you know they'll clean up.

Meal of Links

Name that color. Crayola has a headache.

Coming to a TV near you this fall. Farrelly Brothers: No. Kevin Smith: Yes!

Rick Rubin talks about the state of today's music industry. Looks like the record companies might have to grab concert, merchandising and Internet revenue.

Exercise Yard

Still looking for answers to that U of M debacle against Appalachian State on Saturday. Haven't found any yet, but at least it's Emo Week.

Visitor

24 Down: Rochester's boss Jack (5 letters) Answer: Benny (Nostalgia Week continues)

Things I failed to mention this past week:

No way could you be a season ticket holder for baseball and attend every game. You don't eat right, you drink a lot, you stay up late to take care of your home life. Unless you were a lottery winner, which I wasn't. Again. Twice this past week.

Mo Rocca cracked me up on one of those VH-1 shows about the '80s. They were talking about "Murder, She Wrote". He said, "Cabot Cove makes the South Bronx look like Playland."

To show how texting can get out of control, Kevin texted me while I was two seats away from him at the game. He wanted to kill the kids behind us, and didn't want to tip his hand.

Plus, I had to help Kevin finish those damn nachos again.

There was a guy at the Taste of Cleveland, who was either insane or stalking Gale. He kept doing laps around us. At first, I called him Crazy Joe Davola, but Maggie nailed it by calling him an "older Joe Dirt". Mr. Mix even tailed him to get the scoop. It was unbelievably funny.

I happened to catch this Razr ad featuring Shiny Toy Guns music. Hot chick cuttin' it up more ways then one. Hello, Moto.



While strolling around Target on Friday afternoon, I happened to push my cart right by a fine young family. A little girl was sitting in the cart and turned her head while Mom was placing something behind her in the basket. Well, she just didn't turn her head, she whipped her head around so fast for some reason, she whacked her head into the side of the cart. Rather a freak accident, but then the wailing ensued. Mom didn't seem too concerned and continued to shop, kinda of almost following me. Kid is still in major pain.

Mom: "Do you want your Daddy? Well, he's not here."
Kid: "Waaaaaaaah!"
Mom: "Would like a sucker?"
Kid: "Waaaaaaaah!"
Me: "Hey, how about giving her an icepack?"

"Flight of the Conchords" wrapped up its season on Sunday. I thought this was the surprise hit of the summer. Very funny. I thought the stronger episodes were in the middle of the run, but I never failed to laugh out loud at this one.

Meal of Links

Looks like the new Woody Allen movie stinks. Another one set in the UK, but looks like nothing special.

While at yesterday's game being buzzed by the Thunderbirds, (yes, it was the Thunderbirds), I flashed back to a game at the old Stadium. My Dad and I saw Randy Johnson absolutely fall apart during a start with the Mariners, once the planes started up. He was so tall, I think he ducked once or twice. Definitely scared the crap out of him and it was a come-from-behind win for us. We sat there in disbelief. Here is the box score. Fifth inning recap does not mention "Planes start to buzz Randy Johnson's head", but it happened. Even Felix Fermin drew a walk that inning, his second of the game. We won in the ninth on an Albert Belle single. God, that was 15 years ago.

Where to learn about food. I see they mention Chowhound...nice.

Exercise Yard

Shocking. Charlie Frye starts Sunday. Yawn.

Visitor

37 Down: Zany Martha (4 letters) Answer: Raye (And they wonder why kids don't do crosswords)

It's dark...more moonlight!

















Saturday of Labor Day weekend. That could only mean Mr. and Mrs. Mix are in from Nashville to attend the Taste of Cleveland...Yes! But the entertainment was Michael Stanley...Oh, No! Did you know "This Town is My Town"? Words cannot describe his rendition of "Purple Rain". Sarcastic arm-waving aside, it didn't resonate with me. First, Donnie Iris. Now this. I want my Cheap Trick!

So, clad in my Hasselhoff tee, I made my way down to the Tower City Amphitheater. Boy, I had lots of beer. More so than usual. Didn't realize that until I tried to open my windows when I got home. In the dark. But, here is what I ate:

Sushi from Otani

Butterfly chips from some Gyro joint

Chicken wings and cornbread from Just Like Mom's

First ever Indian food from Saffron Patch. Tandoori shrimp. The Indians like their food spicy, so I see...er, taste.

I think that was it, did I have that much beer? I must have used most of my tickets for that purpose.

Meal of Links

Finally saw Bourdain visit his nemesis, Ruhlman, on his "No Reservations" show. I gotta say, I loved it. Some people are upset that this show apparently did not represent Cleveland well. I think that'a a poor attitude. Let's face it, I thought it was a fairly accurate portrayal. I think what we're seeing here is a bunch of people who've never watched Bourdain, and a history of shows that arrive in town and disappoint. Like the time Rachael Ray went to Hornblower's. Good God! So, the kneejerk reaction ensues.

Two things though seemed out of place. The Free Stamp--hey, no one gives a shit about it. The second was unavoidable, in my opinion. Bourdain wants to take Ruhlman to a place he knows he'll dislike. Well, he can't take him to some local haunt and dis the guy's business. Fast food seems reasonable, but we're in Ohio. So, I can see where Skyline would be the choice. We do not have a local fast food giant, do we? And it's too easy to skewer Burger Head or McDonald's. On the surface, it seems OK, but it's not really Cleveland.

But I thought Bourdain walking around the industrial flats reminded me of the opening of "Baretta". Sadly, he's not gonna stumble upon some local Cleveland yak farmer who happens to be prepping tonight's family meal. So, ya gotta go with what's here. I mean, I guess it's too bad that he didn't go to another "quality" place besides Lola. For the record, I'd stack anything I've eaten at Sokolowski's or made with Sausage Shoppe items against a lot of places. And who doesn't like Hot Sauce Williams? These are really good places to eat and they do not have to be trendy, or of the wealthy clientele or highest price. I saw a comment where the Sausage Shoppe was not shown in a good light. Clearly, he was there on an off day or at least when the place was closed. Hello, the sign said closed. What, do you need, a crowd to be valid?

If you watch Bourdain's show, he is consistent with his message. Sometimes, the simplest dishes at the off the beaten path places are the tastiest and most surprising. Demonstrated that in the China episode. Same dish, two places. He made a point to say the one from the rural area was much better than the urban counterpart. I don't know why we seem to have this elitist attitude when it comes to food in this city of ours. Check out Ruhlman's blog and read the comments. Especially, Bourdain's comment about Ruhlman's use of the word "motherfucker" at Sokolowski's.

You can buy some really green cars. Unfortunately, you can't bring them to Ohio.

Randy Lerner (who was in attendance) had his biggest win as an EPL owner as the Villains dumped Chelsea today, 2-0. Big time atmosphere at Villa Park for their hated rivals. The second goal was late as Jose Mourinho could only look on.



Exercise Yard

Another day at the ballpark today. I attended with Kevin and Kevin's Dad, Richard. Well we had many beers and a couple of these pineapple upside down drinks. Needless to say, it was a lot of fun. And I was feeling not much pain and craved sleep. The Indians just did not cooperate in today's game and were shutout.

However, we did get to see parts of the Air Show. Especially good from where we were sitting, behind home plate. We had the added bonus of getting buzzed twice. Once by a solo member of the Blue Angels, the other in a formation upon their departure for the day. Very cool.

Visitor

None, it's a sunny Sunday.

I needed an excuse to wear my white pants (trust me, I looked good) one more time this summer, so Gale and I and Uncle F-Bomb went over to the patio at Velocity last night. Uncle F-Bomb had been talking up this grilled peach salad over there as "fuckin' awesome", so that was the hook to get him there. And I must say, that description was pretty accurate.

This was my first visit to Velocity since they reopened this year after a fire put them out of commission for a time. My first thought was they expanded a little bit? Yikes. Something about this location. On paper, it seems fine. Lots of car and pedestrian traffic. Well, here it is a Friday of a holiday weekend and we are down to less than 10 customers around 9:30. I look around and see all the contributory factors toward the rent and I just can't see it being a success.

Back to the food. The menu is slightly different than the one online, BTW. We opted not to have sammies, per se, or dinners, and went straight to some apps we thought might be good. Per the salad recommendation, we had two of those, potato skins, duck quesadillas and sliders (mini burgers). The salad was some prosciutto-wrapped brie-topped thing that had walnuts (I hate walnuts, but these were good), pecans and peaches in it with some sort of vinaigrette on it. It was the best salad I've ever had, no lie. Potato skins were OK, but they were the size of mushroom caps, skip those. Duck quesadillas were really good. The sliders! You get three of these and they were awfully tasty. Those are a shoutout to White Castles. Accompanied by fries, which were great, unless someone backs up the salt truck and dumps a bunch on them. Not there when that happened, but tasted the aftermath. My doctor thanks you for my visit.

Overall, it was really good. The menu is overly crowded, but if you pick your spots, you'll have more hits than misses. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem the attendance will keep this going. Let's see how winter treats them.

Meal of Links

Labor Day means marathons. If you've never seen "Dirty Jobs" on Discovery, now is the time.

I never knew Phil Collins was so hairy. I kinda liked it once, but after a couple of viewings, it would get old.

One of the dreaded places to go to on a Saturday morning is your local US Post Office. Can anyone explain why the clerks can't be up front at the opening time of 9:00. You have one guy bearing the brunt, while the other guy strolls in 10 minutes late, cashes in, does some other entry work and finally gets to his first, friendly customer of the day who has been standing in a line which consisted of:

A person who violated the socially acceptable cardinal rule of lines everywhere: Limited Transactions! She wanted passport applications, stopped mail picked up, stamps, and packages sent, a pound of chip-chopped ham, lighter fluid, and a hammock. Actually, the food, fluid and hammock were for my last meal as I lay me down and set myself on fire. Didn't need a lighter because of the next woman in line (more on her in a a minute). Thanks for being first in line and now that same queue is out the door. The clerk commented to her about what a nice attitude she had. Hey, sunshine, keep it simple next time.

A woman mailing redemption coupons to Newport cigarettes. She also had a Money Order attached. God, just end it all now. I swear this human carcinogen had at least 1,000 of these coupons stuffed in a large baggie and then had to fill out the appropriate soft envelope and then staple crap together. I actually heard her say "I can't seem to get rid of this cough." I hope she survives long enough to get her stuff.

A woman getting married in less than a month, who had received no RSVPs. Curiously, she thought, am I hated that much? Well, I can think of one person behind her in line that might think that. It seems that the person who addressed her envelopes had printed the wrong return address. Uh-oh, that number doesn't exist. Looks like a case for Dead Letter Man.

Eventually, I got my certified letter and stamps. Very socially acceptable.

Exercise Yard

I'm thinking Number 68 has no shot at becoming a Cavaliers dance team member. It appears she wandered in from the local Labor Day picnic. It reminds me of the time I saw Dorothy Fuldheim wandering around the set of Eyewitness News...during the broadcast. God Bless America!

Girl Number 83, however, in Photos 11 and 20. Yes, a thousand times, yes. I think she's a returnee and would very much like to offer weak side help to her.

Visitor

16 Across: Keys on the keys (6 letters) Answer: Alicia

Ah, the Labor Day Weekend is here already for me. Hallelujah. A conclusion to an odd week.

Well, my Dad went through his cataract surgery and astigmatism procedure and what ever else he had corrected on one of his peepers today and everything seems fine at this point. I dunno, I was on pins and needles for this one. Probably goofily so, as I thought that maybe it was performed with pins and needles by some Medieval Opthamologist. I know, I know, routine surgery. But for some reason, I felt strange karma all week, so I tried to occupy my time with other things. Kinda minding my own business and watching way too much baseball.

But for some reason, I was apprehensive about this procedure, even more than when he got his ticker retooled. I rationalized that one by thinking if something went wrong, it would really go wrong. But for this one, if something went wrong, I guess we'd have to hear about it while the problem still existed. I am still amazed he may not need glasses when all is said and done. I can't ever remember him not wearing them. He thinks he'll be more handsome. My niece says not so fast.

I saw him today and he said he can see a lot better, Has to follow up tomorrow morning. I am very relieved. Just think if it was really serious stuff to go through. Yikes!

Meal of Links

It's the house of Anthony Kiedis. And he is not giving it away.

Oscar movies you should see. Are we in that season already?

Arsenal is trying to trademark "Gooner". I think the Browns went through this mess years ago or was it the Rock Hall, where certain photos were not allowed to be sold. Because of image rights or something.

Exercise Yard

















Tonight was the most fun at the the ballpark in a long, long time as Shaun, Gale and I were in attendance. They were by far the best seats I've ever had at Jacobs Field, surpassing even where I've sat recently. Section 136, Row B, one section from the Mariners dugout. Get this, Gale touched a living Hot Dog, Shaun ends up with a ball, and I got concussed. Again, me on the short end.

















To set the scene, when we arrived there were some college kids in the row behind us yelling, "Garko! Garko!". They wanted a ball and other such nonsense. I wanted to join in, but thought my favorite Indian would look upon me poorly. These chants continued on and on and became quite annoying actually, but more on them later.

You know you can text the Tribe now and they run a scroll of texts on the scoreboard. Unfortunately, none of my texts showed up. Anyhow, at one time I said I would run on the field to grab second base, but with my new phone and texting prowess ("New Toy, oh oh oh"), I would probably be texting and taking pictures all the way out there and would get caught fairly quickly.

It's a different world down there that close. A guy in front of us, in one of the middle innings, got a foul roller that he picked up. The camera guy came down later in the game and showed the Garko chanters, then all of a sudden someone's cap got whipped onto the field. It seems some old-timer was not happy everyone was crowding around his rows to get on the camera and mayhem ensued. Until a guy we named "The Rock", complete with his Green Beret uniform, kinda sauntered over to keep the peace.

Mom and Pop and son and daughter with mitts show up across the aisle from us after a few innings. The kids sit in the front row, parents behind. Everything is fine, until the boy receives a ball from Fat Batboy. Then the girl starts sobbing that she didn't get anything. I don't know who worked their magic, but an inning or so later someone from the Indians brings down a bag of Ricky Vaughan "Wild Thing" glasses from a previous giveaway. Yes, tears work. The kids get theirs, they're happy. Mom and Dad get theirs, they're happy. Oh, there are extras? They start getting handed out among the neighboring crowd and we clearly hear Mom tell son, give one to the lady over there, meaning Gale. Of course, he proceeds to give it to one of the Garko chanters. Hah!

That was not the highlight for Gale. As you know, the Hot Dog Derby featuring Ketchup, Mustard and Onion racing is now a staple at the old ballyard. I preferred the old animated version called by Frank Furter. For a time now, they have been using three people dressed as hot dogs and they run around the warning track from left field and end at the visitors' dugout. After the race, Ketchup stood up on the fence right by our aisle and Gale and a bunch of others ran over and high-fived and hugged him. So, Gale touched Ketchup.

In the warmup for the ninth inning, Garko realized that these clowns had yelled at him for nine innings and he better do something about it, because they were getting on him for not acknowledging him, etc. He hatched a plan where he would throw the infield ball to these guys to shut them up. However, his aim was not that good. Now, let me set the stage here. Gale is paying attention. Shaun and I are complaining about Joe Borowski, while I watch the same damn Borowski highlight film I've seen three times already this week. All of a sudden, whack! Someone behind me has crashed into my head. In the next few seconds, Shaun is standing next to me, then sitting down while holding a baseball. What just happened?

















From what I've been able to piece together, Gale determines that Garko throws the ball over. She alerts us by saying something to the effect of "Oh, oh, oh." Shaun apparently deciphers this as "Garko has just thrown the ball in our general direction." Hearing this, he stands up just in time to reach over a guy, a guy with a glove mind you, and catches the ball. While this is going on, I am oblivious, but in my ignorance, especially the left side of my head and neck, I have effectively blocked one of the Garko chanters from receiving a ball that was probably rightfully his (in his mind). But nothing was said. Shaun received no crap. Gale ended up with the baseball from Shaun. And I got nary an apology. But I do have a headache.

Oh, the Tribe won in the ninth. Kenny Lofton with a walkoff walk for the game winner. Overcoming two non-balk calls by this guy:

















Visitor

26 Across: Braddock took his heavyweight crown in 1935 (4 letters) Answer: Baer

I had an odd morning this a.m. First of all, there is something that dug a hole in my backyard. A sort of conical dig. OK, it’s not like a dinosaur was back there, but it’s a hole big enough that if you weren’t paying attention and stepped into it, you would probably be rolling around on the ground. I didn’t do that, but I don’t need anyone from the critter community suing me. We have a pact!

Man, those nachos last night. If I were a band, I’d be these guys.

Then, as I’m driving, I notice a guy in front of me who looks suspiciously like Edward Burns in front of me. Now, why would Edward Burns be driving a beat up Chevy Cavalier on I-480 this morning? I don’t know, but he drove like I think Edward Burns would drive. Not paying attention, then all of a sudden gettin' all aggressive and causing lane mayhem.

Of course, I had the XM on. It seems they have rediscovered catalogs from The Jam, Elvis Costello’s older stuff, and Robyn Hitchcock. They actually played “The Man with the Lightbulb Head” when Robyn had the Egyptians. “I'm the man with the lightbulb head, I turn myself on in the dark.” Tee hee.

Meal of Links

Today's primer, children, is on how to solicit gay bathroom sex. Really, who knew all this stuff? I thought people went to the corner stall when they had to make The Art of Noise! Here we find out, you go there and wait for some guy to start doing a Bojangles routine next to your stall, lots of tapping and hand waving. "I have a wide stance." Are you kidding me? "Hey, Donald O'Connor, you are not my sunshine, kapish? I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket." And think of that poor cop who has to sit in that stall when legitimate shitters arrive after a long flight. Talk about hazard pay, sheesh!

Here are the Worst Jobs in Rock and Roll. Pete Doherty's lawyer, ha ha.

Mmmm...cookies! Ugh...walnuts.

Exercise Yard

Tonight was another episode in the series, "My Dinner With Wedgie", as I attended the Tribe game this evening. The Indians won, 4-3. I was in 157 with Nomar Stalker and his Dad. They treated me nice and bought me a cookie.

The game itself was a rather weak affair, but it matched two of the better pitchers in the league, Sabathia and Santana. The Indians jumped all over Johan Santana for 4 runs in the first, then stopped scoring. The Twins crawled back into it with three runs, but never tied it up. The Indians are on a roll once again and, dare I say, are making a major move toward the playoffs. I am declaring for the last time this season: The Twins are done, Bobby Hill, stick a fork in them.

Visitor

21 Across: Jessica of "Dark Angel" (4 letters) Answer: Alba

I'm writing through this through a fog of Kevin pours, but I was at the Tribe game for Game 2 of TWIB (This Week in Baseball). My friend Chuck and I took our seats in Section 163 to watch the Indians win, 6-5. No celebrity look-alikes tonight. Last night was full of folks like Fred Funk, Kenny Rogers (the singer) and Jurgen Prochnow. Tonight was just standard, garden variety fan.

The game itself had lots of ups and downs. The Indians went up 3-0 on the strength of a Hafner homer. The Twins caught up and tied it. The Indians went ahead, eventually getting two runs in the eighth to go up 6-3. Which proved to be important because Joe Borowski came on the ninth. Homer by Buscher (Remember Homer Bush? I always liked his nickname, Misnomer Bush.) made it 6-4. Another run came across before Borowski got Justin Morneau looking for strike three. We win!

I actually ordered nachos tonight. Huh? What was that all about? They were good, but I didn't finish them. That wasn't the highlight, however. Two outstanding defensive plays turned in by the Minnesota nine were. Nick Punto barehanded a ball in short centerfield to throw out Ryan Garko, who probably cursed how slow he was, all the way back to the dugout. It shows the genius of whoever decided the bases should be 90 feet apart. Later on, Torii (Tore-eye-eye-eye-eye-eye) Hunter robbed Casey Blake (that guy again) on a deep ball to center. Hunter crashing into the wall to make the catch. Big time stuff.































But with the loss tonight, the Twins are now on life support.

Meal of Links

Obviously, I'm known for my expert swimming. Especially in parts unknown. But I don't mind bubble baths. But, this is ridiculous. I would be very confused. Is it the ocean?...a tub?...God help me.

Mother Jones currently has an informative series on Katrina. BTW, if you get a chance, read "1 Dead in Attic: After Katrina" by Chris Rose. It's out in paperback and I heard him in an interview recently. His writings about the Cat Lady will rip you up.

65 Must-See Films at the Toronto Film Festival. The Dylan movie, of course. My good friend, George Clooney, is in "Michael Clayton". A doc, "Amazing Journey: The Story of The Who". Wonder what that's about. Trust me, I will hunt that one down locally. "Battle in Seattle" amongst others. A strong lineup. Remember, this festival got the "Borat" steamroller started.

Exercise Yard

Here's how Tim Couch was able to make his comeback. Crazy little thing called steroids.

Visitor

52 Down: NBC sportscaster Bob (6 letters) Answer: Costas

"It's not a habit
It's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it
you're on the other side
I'm not an addict (Maybe that's a lie)"

And so my week at Jacobs Field begins. I had scored some tickets in Section 157. The men in my family visited the old ballyard to see the Indians "Mary Kate and Ashley" Minnesota, 8-3. I had to get my Dad down there before his cataract surgery later this week. The highlight had to be the triple play the Tribe pulled off in the 7th inning. Rafael Perez showed up on the mound after two Twins got on. Tough jam with no one out.

Just then, Mike Redmond hits a hot grounder to third. Casey Blake, sensing history, steps on the third base bag for one out. He whips a throw to Asdrubal Cabrera at second for out number two.
















Then Cabrera (channeling Ronnie Belliard on a pivot) fires over to Victor Martinez, doing his best Ryan Garko imitation, for the third out. It beats Redmond by a step. The place goes nuts!

























Or were those the peanuts my Dad brought in? Anyhow, the Tribe was never threatened and we have a chance, finally, to put the Twins out of their misery this week.

Meal of Links

Be sure to catch Christopher Hitchens on C-Span's Book TV (C-Span 2), Sunday, September 2 at Noon. He's on for three hours. Always an interesting time and this time he'll be talking about religion.

It saddens me that Owen Wilson tried to kill himself. The Wilson Brothers are really funny.

A 4-door Porsche.

Exercise Yard

Michael Vick must know this: "Nobody fucks with the Jesus."

Bad early joke:

"How will Michael Vick find it in jail?"
"Ruff."

The New York Football Giants. Look for them on SoapNet this year.

Visitor

20 Across: Christina Crawford memoir (13 letters) Answer: Mommie Dearest

Since the Browns were on the road last night, it was time to visit Paul's again. That means 2 TVs, bloodies, pizza, skins and taco salad. Paul lives out by the airport in the line of fire for expansion. So, a lot has changed since we were last there. Some buildings have been razed, others boarded up, and a handful of folks still living there, including him. I called him the "The Last of the Mohicans", but I think Gary phrased it correctly when he said, "I've seen this before...it's Love Canal!". I think that fits better. It reminded me of the urban lady in the PD this past week who has been the only resident on her street for the last seven years. Of course, we decided that Paul would be the last one there, interviewed on TV and perhaps lying down in front of the bulldozer for some sort of attention grab.

Anyhow, we got to see the Indians beat up on the Royals and the Browns take Denver. Interestingly, this week all three Browns quarterbacks played pretty well. I thought, once again, Brady Quinn (with a newly shaved head) played the best, given the skilled players he was paired with. Two beautiful passes Charlie Frye could only dream of throwing. One to Winslow for about 25. Another to Joe Jurevicius for an almost incredible TD, but Joe could only get one foot down.

Feel kind of bad for Derek Anderson. He was a victim of some shabby play calling and on one drive a penalty put him in the hole right away. I think he's gone and it looks like Charlie Frye will start. Pardon my yawn. Quinn in by Game 4...book it.

Defensively, the Browns couldn't stop the run. And Phil Dawson missed another field goal. Don;'t know where this is going once the season starts, but I wish it was better.

The other highlight was some local wrestling production that STO had on after the Indians game. Whoo boy, where to begin. Lousy production values, inept wrestlers, lame crowd adds up to a train wreck of a program that you can't take your eyes from. And most of the sponsors are in the Clark-Fulton and Detroit-Shoreway neighborhoods. I actually drove past Pit Stop Donuts at 44th and Clark this a.m. on my way to Mazzone's Bakery. Very funny stuff.

Meal of Links

Saw "The Bourne Ultimatum"yesterday. Gale and I hoofed it over to Crocker to see it. I had Lemonheads! Jason Bourne is very cool, why in this movie he used a handy towel to kill someone. It makes me wonder what I could use if I had to kill. Looking around the room, I see a Corona maraca key chain I could eye gouge with, a roll of wrapping paper I could block stuff with and use as a hitting weapon, an Oakland Raider hardhat for slugging someone with or protecting my dome, some cable wire for choking. I think I have the appropriate arsenal.

Bourne also seems to have Google Maps embedded in his brain, as he was in London, Turin, and Tangiers creating mayhem, without really asking for any directions at any time. And why was everyone in Tangiers wearing a coat, I thought it was warm there. Excellent car chases. Albert Finney seems to have morphed into Andy Griffith. No one seemed to care about the Julia Stiles character after the mid-point of the movie. Best line from Bourne: "If you were in your office right now we'd be having this conversation face-to-face." Damon, Strathairn and Allen are all good. Looks like a fourth one is possible, if they choose.

God help us. That was Miss South Carolina at Miss Teen USA. BTW, she finished fourth. I'm sure only the final five were asked questions, so it makes you wonder what Miss West Virginia said or looked like.

The two hottest singles in Hollywood are George Clooney and Cameron Diaz. I don't know what it says about me, but I had an odd dream recently where I was friends with George Clooney. So much so, I would just call him Clooney, as in "Listen here, Clooney!". He was in town for some black-tie affair and I got to tag along. Admittedly, very strange. Speaking of singles, here is where Cleveland ranks.

Exercise Yard

There is a new Shawn Kemp. His name is Travis Henry. He has nine children.

Meanwhile, some love for Pro Football Talk.

Visitor

None, as it was a rainy Sunday to start than it was sunny, but somehow I mowed my lawn early enough before it arrived. OK, it's 9:00 a.m. when I did it, wake up, people!

I'm not dead...yet.

So, what has happened since I last checked in.

I had an almost all-day hangover after attending Bar Louie. Must remember to eat.

A dwarf caught his penis in a vacuum while performing. Performing what? I have no idea.

Amy Winehouse achieves Dead Pool potential status.

Both Mega Millions drawings had me getting two numbers, which translates to squat. Next drawing: $250 million.

The author of "Dexter" speaks.

Dammit, MTV stole my idea. Nicole Richie was in jail as long as it takes to watch "Borat"

Got to see Cate Blanchett as Dylan in the trailer for "I'm Not There". That's Dylan as in Bob, not McDermott.

Derek Jeter gave Jessica Alba herpes? Huh...what?

Sports talk in this town is abysmal. Mark "Munch" Bishop uttered what is easily the dumbest thing I've heard all year by a sports host. He said, "The Browns could be showcasing D.A.". Yes, this clown uttered a phrase containing words that should never be used in any context, "showcasing Derek Anderson". It's complete bullshit like this that goes unchallenged that really irks me. Who in the NFL will give up even a 7th round pick for Anderson? The loser of Frye-Anderson (barring injury) is cut, end of story. Needless to say that statement combined with the Buckeyes looming probably forces us to not listen to this Mensa ever again.

We have now used Tom Hamilton's phrase from the WTAM Indians commercial, "This place is actually vibrating." at least 250 times this week.

Meal of Links

Fast Company has an profile of Mahalo, the new search engine. More about the developer probably, but an interesting read.

I consulted this calorie website after my hangover induced me to buy a chicken sandwich from the King yesterday. Omigod.

Stephen Hunter can always turn a phrase in his movie reviews. This time, it's the "Nanny Diaries". "For example, the movie shows a HarvardPrincetonYale "typical" mogul type in a mock museum diorama screaming orders to his broker over the phone, but if you look carefully, the guy has clip-on suspenders. Clip-ons! Good God, it's so hard to get quality help these days! This is like Abe Lincoln wearing a fedora."

Exercise Yard

The Braves designated Wicky Wicky Bob for assignment. The Braves don't seen too upset about it. Not sure if he would find his way back here, but they all seem to come back. Remember, we had Russell Branyan for about a day-and-a-half a couple of weeks back.

Visitor

47 Across: "Phantom" star Billy (4 letters) Answer: Zane

Mega Millions is up to $200 million. As I always say when it gets that high, it's nice to take a chance and dream about winning. I would seriously have trouble comprehending getting that much money.

Don't get me wrong,I would enjoy it very much. But I think I would wake up every morning and laugh for at least an hour.

Meal of Links

The latest Google Earth allows you to check the skies above. Constellations and everything. Very cool.

Have your IP address moaned. It's loud...check the sound.

News on a "Trainspotting" sequel. Begbie must be in it, I beg of you.

Exercise Yard

This is actually a pretty funny idea. A blog about people who wear random unis. Not necessarily outdated, but really bad choices. Classics include a random Ryan Leaf and a really random Vin Baker. Man, these guys should go to a Browns game.

I recently saw an urban guy with one of those Dell Curry Charlotte Hornet specials. Did a double take because I couldn't believe it.

Visitor

26 Across: Lucy of "Kill Bill" (3 letters) Answer: Liu

Wow, Dylan and Elvis on the same tour. Costello, that is. And how do ypu figure another re-release of "My Aim Is True". Remains a classic, but is that 5 or so versions by now? Sheesh. Although this version features a Nashville concert from 1977, complete with a soundcheck.

Meal of Links

I find this interesting. Keith Olbermann gets to do a Sunday night "Countdown" on NBC this week. Highlight shows probably ruin that for the regular season, but not a bad idea. It's summer and you might get a few eyeballs watching that don't normally see it.

This guy tells us how to live frugally. "Avoid valet parking" seems to be a credo attached to me that resonates as a falsehood.

"Pretty in pink. Isn't she?" Science says it's so.

Psychedelic Furs-"Pretty In Pink"



Exercise Yard

The Indians had a one-hitter thrown at them tonight. From a AA pitcher who they saw a week ago. It's amazing how they have forgotten how to hit and still remain in first place. Barely. Good thing was it only took an hour fifty-nine to play.

Visitor

38 Across: Willem of "Spider-man" (5 letters) Answer: Dafoe

I thought spring was supposed to occur before summer. Let's get this rain outta here, well, maybe not so quickly. I get to think of warmer climes for a while. That reminds me, my passport status has reached the stage where I have been assigned a "Passport Tracking Number". Being only 2 weeks into the process, they remind me that I chose Routine Processing. That means it will take 10-12 weeks overall before I get my new one. Let's see how it fares.

Meal of Links

They are selling a lot of "the Simpsons" Kwik-E-Mart stuff on eBay. "Damn you, eBay!"

A rather odd, but sad, story about a double suicide. Beck gets a mention.

Geez, every time you think you might consider yourself having a hint of the clever gene, this dude pops the question in a unique way. And this after I was hitting peanuts on a table with a pencil. I need to set my sights a little higher, I guess.

Exercise Yard

In case you were wondering how the mortgage crisis might affect Quicken Loans. And ultimately, the Cavs. And what about that Varejao signing anyhow?

Visitor

36 Down: "Citizen Kane" director Orson (6 letters) Answer: Welles

While watching Arsenal-Blackburn on the PC, here is the scene when Jeff and I entered Cleveland Browns Stadium last night (and, yes, we got there way too early):



And the view from the seats (where if you concentrate really hard, you can hear "Run, William, Run!" from the dark recesses of your brain):



The Browns played the Lions last night for the Great Lakes Trophy or some such nonsense. However, it raises money for charity, so there you go. The Browns plan was to give all four of the quarterbacks some playing time. Uh, that can't be good. So, the order was going to be Derek Anderson followed by Charlie Frye followed by Ken Dorsey followed by the People's Choice, Brady Quinn.

In a prior arrangement, we had decided we were only going to stay for the first half, then I was going to watch the second half with my Dad, on a non-HD TV. As you know, I have seen some pretty bad tackle football games since the Browns have returned. And Browns Version 2.3 did not disappoint with that first-half performance. It may have been the worst preseason effort from a starting offense I've ever witnessed.

Normal items first:

Menu this year consists of beer at $6.75. Hot dogs are $4.00, pretzels are $3.75, nachos are $6.75. No more "dog bowl" for the nachos. It appears the Chinese have developed some sort of half-football for transport and dipping purposes. My brother is a noted nacho eater and has said the recesses for the salsa and cheese product at either end are constructed poorly. Because when those near the bottom, your fingers are gonna get messy. Watch out kids!

New signs for the numbered sections above the portals. Also, a la Quicken Loans Arena, ribbon message boards below the club seats on either side of the field offer messages in color.

G.E. Smith has gone the way of the dropkick.

And how about the Replay Apparatus this year? Instead of "going under the hood", the ref enters some voting/porn shop curtained-booth, so fans can't yell or throw stuff at them.

Bad t-shirts were plentiful last night. "Beer we go Brownies, beer we go!". "Here's your Shitsburgh Squealers" with a dog taking a shit prominently displayed. Where are these people's Moms?

Really a poor choice, once again, of unis by the fans. 2 Couch, 85 K. Johnson, 92 C. Brown, 10 Holcomb, 37 Henry. I think 33 Hoard took the cake. No 30 K. Brown (No college), though.

Not going to say too much about the Browns defense. Jon Kitna of the Lions was firing the ball all over, with two of his starting wide receivers not even playing. And it was 16-0 at the half.

Rating the QBs:

Anderson: Anderson was terrible, but passed up Frye in the QB stakes. Nothing prepares a Browns fan for the regular season more than the sequence the team pulled off, as Anderson was sacked, then he fumbled, on the very first play. Only to be surpassed as they reached a first-and-goal at the Lions one-yard line in the first quarter. It proceeded, as follows:

Delay of game penalty on the Browns. Back up 5 yards.
Late substitution resulting in a Browns timeout.
Lewis for 4 yards up the middle.
False start by Browns. Back up 5 yards.
Jeff says, "Watch him throw an interception."
We then watched him throw an interception.

It was so bad, he needed more work in the third quarter. He eventually got the Browns in field goal range, where Phil Dawson missed.

Frye: As the game played out, Frye will be the most likely to be cut. I don't think you keep Anderson and Frye, if Quinn will be your eventual starter.

Frye was a victim of the Browns coaching staff ineptitude once again. During his two-minute drill, after failing to get a first down, the Browns were faced with a fourth-and-two on the Lions 35, with the clock running, but still a minute remaining, plenty of time. Considering that my record as Browns coach has no blemishes, this clearly is a point on the field where a timeout is necessary. But no, Frye keeps asking the bench, they keep sending in guys and chaos ensues. Finally, Frye takes the snap and tries a sneak. Uh, that didn't work.

Kitna drives the Lions for a touchdown in all of 28 seconds. Whoops! Frye then compounds matters by throwing two terrible passes, the second is intercepted and the Lions end up with a field goal. The score is now 16-0, as the Lions have scored 10 points in the last minute. I think the Frye Era is over.

Dorsey: Ken Dorsey did his job. As a number 3 quarterback, who the Browns never seem to want to play, he did OK for himself. He finally got in the game with 2:25 to go in the third quarter, while the fans really wanted to see Quinn. He drove the team for a touchdown against the Lions scrubs and did a good job overall. I think he cemented the #3 spot last night.

Quinn: As I'm watching Quinn drive the ball for 2 touchdowns late, I can't get over how desperate the Browns organization and their fans must be. And I could not help but think of The Wolf from "Pulp Fiction" when he said, "Let's not start sucking each other's dicks quite just yet."

Quinn made all the right throws. He didn't screw up. He may throw the ball three times harder than Charlie Frye. However, he did all of his damage against the Lions third and perhaps fourth-string defense. Nine passes went to the running backs (Barclay 2, Harrison 6, Wright 1). His best pass was the one he hummed to Sanders for 24 yards on his second drive.

He took only 9 snaps from under center, four of which were spikes, the rest were out of the shotgun. That's crucial because Browns quarterbacks tend to screw up the center snap. And lastly, we haven't seen him hand the ball off yet. That's crucial because the Browns quarterbacks tend to screw up the running back exchange.

Having said all of that, doesn't it look like he has to start preseason game #3 and get some time with the starting offense? I sense the Browns quarterback situation is so bad, he may be pushed up a lot farther than they wanted. In other words, they may pull a Couch and chuck whatever plan they thought they might have and proceed accordingly. And can you honestly say Frye is better than Anderson at this point?

I look for Quinn to start next week with Anderson, then Frye to follow. Frye will then be cut with Anderson or Quinn the opening day starter against the Steelers. BTW, during Quinn's stint, they had a tendency not to show Romeo Crennel.

Dad: "Where's Romeo at?"
Me: "He's out washing Brady Quinn's car."

The Browns lost, 23-20.

Meal of Links

It looks like "frozen smoke" may be the next wonder product. It's called aerogel.

How subprime mortgages have screwed up the stock market. I guess solid lending principles account for something now.

Omigod! I have now found the perfect campsite. "Glamping" sounds good to me. "Jeeves, how is that hot dog coming along?"

My brother just had to mention Michael McDonald during last night's game. Here is Rick Moranis as Michael McDonald, the hardest working man in show business:



Exercise Yard

Lester Munson gives a Michael Vick update. It still doesn't look good for him.

Visitor

None, it's a rainy, dreary Sunday.

Well, I did it. I had my first gyro from an establishment in almost two decades yesterday. You see, the last time I threw up was in 1988 (huge 20th anniversary celebration next year), after eating a gyro. I ordered a gyro from Danis Bakery (used to be Davis, he was too cheap to change the sign...a clue, I think) and the sauce was kinda rank, I guess. Because within an hour or so, I had the most violent of reactions. I had wanted gyros and had been a big fan up to that point, but always shied away since, because of that memory. I believe the only time I had one since was some really good ones, maybe at Paul's once or twice for a Browns game.

After picking up my car from Sunnyside, I was wondering what to get for lunch and there it was, a place I had passed many a time while tooling up and down Ridge Road. Yes, it was Famous Gyro George! Not sure how famous or who George might be, but I went in there, and it was exactly as I suspected. A dive. But there they were, two gorgeous hunks of gyro meat rotating on two spits. Ah, heaven. Not sure what I could handle, I opted for the regular for $5.99. This baby was loaded and they give you the sauce on the side. They also offer a "Big" and a "Super" for one and two bucks more and to be honest, I could not comprehend how large those might be. Fearing the unknown, I went home to eat it, just in case. It was unbelievably good.

Meal of Links

Look at all these things you can make yourself. Unfortunately, how many of them would you want to make? Cuff links, birdhouse, poncho, and rugs don't seem worth the time.

Merv was gay. Big whup. In even bigger news, "Flight of the Conchords" gets renewed.

Uh oh. Hurricane Dean bears down on the Yucatan.

Exercise Yard

Here are some really good sports celebrity commercials. I must admit Shaq and Dr. Phil is funny. And Mean Joe Greene with his "Hey, kid!" is a nice throwback. Tiger as Bill Murray is great. And, of course, Bird and Jordan. Great list.

Visitor

20 Across: Big name in honey (6 letters) Answer: Sue Bee

Last night, my brother had strange stuff happening in his neighborhood. On Biddulph during rush hour, someone went really fast, then really fast out of control and sheared off a telephone pole. Then while I was visiting, someone's garage, a few houses down, caught on fire. We got to see the fire department spring into action and start the hydrant. No one injured, dog was saved, don't know the damage.

This a.m., I took my car to get serviced today by the fine folks at Sunnyside Scion. But with it being a big maintenance check, I have to stay at home, because it takes a while to do. Of course, then I have to take care of all of the add-ons I needed fixed, like plugs, belts, brake light, wiper refills, etc. That adds to an already big bill. Ugh!

So, I get to spend some time at home and catch up on who might be casing the joint during the day, who's lurking for my paper, how late does the postman actually get here these days, seeing if there is truly a cocaine shortage in town, that sort of thing. Thus far, it is relatively quiet, but seems warmer than expected.

Meal of Links

The folks at Dunder Mifflin now have a website. I laughed the other day when I found out a potential client's name was Creed. You can buy stuff, too, at the site.

The art of haggling. Even for hot dogs. Cleveland just waits for Dollar Hot Dog Night. And Fireworks. If they ever had Dollar Hot Dog Night and Fireworks on the same day, the traffic jam would be of epic proportions.

Storm Cat may not be the stud he once was. But he still "performed his duties enthusiastically" this year. As Harry Caray would say, "Hay!".

Exercise Yard

Another gem from Fox Sports. You know, Fox Sports, the network that covers baseball as if it wishes it were home doing something else, like watching Brad Garrett's awful show. In fairness, the Fox Instant Poll jingle is my ringtone. Anyhow, they have set their sights on covering the Super Bowl differently.

That's right. Ryan Seacrest Out will host the pregame and halftime festivities. There will be some sort of faux (maybe actual?) red carpet for arriving celebrities. Hey, we expect that at awards ceremonies for Hollywood, but there's nothing that kills the true sports fan than suffering through some actor getting special treatment at a sporting event. Even if they like sports. If Brad Garrett is still on the air, I bet he will be on the carpet saying how thrilled he is to be at the game. Hopefully, someone starts tailgating early that day and goes on the air.

Visitor

21 Across: "Out Here All Night" rock group (6 letters) Answer: Damone (I guess no one can get Singer Vic ______ )

I get a day off on Friday. Hopefully, I don't have to chase down an eBay issue. I asked for combined shipping on two items and only got one of the items. Now I have to do the questioning. I hate these sort of things.

But I also get to take my car in for a maintenance check. I always wonder how necessary these things are. But I do comply. It seems like I must.

Meal of Links

Velvet Underground excerpts. They cover the Warhol Years.

I'm anxious to see cable's response to DirecTV's soon-to-be-increased amount of HD channels. Typically, bandwidth remains an issue.

The iPhone bill comes in a box. Way too much detail. Lots of trees (estimated number: 75,000/year) are being killed.

Exercise Yard

Michael Vick probably has to plead in the dogfighting case. Gotta protect money first, then career.

Visitor

48 Down: Grammy winner Keys (6 letters) Answer: Alicia

Before this play, the Indians season still looked good. After Curtis Granderson made this unbelievable catch, I am not sure:




















I was in attendance at the Indians-Tigers game tonight. My Dad sent the call to the bullpen yesterday and I accepted the challenge. We were in Section 102, out in right field. It was Dollar Hot Dog Night, as well, and he sprung for dinner. We had some Tigers fans around us. Of course, our Mensa fans would yell, "Detroit sucks", when we are tied with them. I never figure that one out. We also had Cleveland fan taking the "What have you won lately?" approach to Tiger fan, completely oblivious to the Pistons winning two years ago, the Red Wings recent titles, and the Tigers in last year, while it's now 10 years since we have been in the World Series. So you know what Cleveland fan does when he has no argument? You got it. Out comes Ohio State and Jimmy Tressel, baby! Ugh.

As for the game, story line should be C.C. pitched well, we can't hit, Curtis Granderson with an awesome catch to kill the Tribe in the 8th, Ordonez with a massive clout for the Olde English D's in the 10th and Wedge made mistakes. However, the mistakes ended up being covered up by the fact they worked, which really pisses me off.

Mistake 1: Pinch-running Garko in the 7th. Lemme get this right. You remove your best average hitter in a tie game from second base. If Ryan Garko can't score from second on a base hit, well, by God, he should. But his sub, Chris Gomez, did double to lead off the ninth.

Mistake 2: Pinch-hitting J-Mike for Lofton. Why is Lofton even here? Michaels, of course, did single in his second at bat.

Mistake 3: Not bunting Peralta in the ninth, after the Gomez double, with no one out. We are not hitting, so you must get that runner to third. Wedge says no bunt. Rodney proceeds to whiff three in a row and Gomez is stranded on second. In the words of Homer Tom, "Ballgame!".

Good stats from STO after the game. Since Cliff Lee hit Sammy Sosa in the head (on Sammy Sosa Night, mind you), the Tribe has won 8 and lost 15 games. Victor Martinez, since that incident, has hit one homer and knocked in 9. Thank you, smart, objective caller.

Meal of Links

This US-Roman Empire analogy is getting used more often these days. Now our Comptroller General is getting into the act.

Hey, the US Department of State has cashed my check for my passport. So, I know the envelope has at least made it to Philly. So, why did I have to read another passport horror story.

The "Knights of Prosperity" didn't even make it through its burnoff run. That hurts. Again.

Exercise Yard

Gregg Easterbrook is back with words about the AFC. The Browns are still not good.

Visitor

37 Across: Actor Kevin (6 letters) Answer: Spacey

Is it me or does it appear we are suffering through an epidemic of people who don't want to be passed while driving in their cars? When did getting passed become socially unacceptable? I've noticed some folks dawdling in the speed lanes lately and then once you dive over to make a pass, all of a sudden they find the accelerator.

I can't figure out if it's people on the phone, distracted by something else, or if it's a new game played at a higher level. Happens a lot more than it used to, if you ask me. And I'm not sure why if it's a clear lane ahead of them, they would not maintain speed and let me take off in front of them. I mean I'm passing so I can go faster than them. Not to get ahead of them and dawdle. It is making me very angry.

Well, maybe not as angry as when my paper gets stolen. Yesterday, I found the Sunday PD in an odd place and when I dumped the paper out of its bag, it appeared that the current news sections (Front page, Metro, Sports, Forum) weren't there. So I went on a rant to no one there, about how that was a new one, at least they left me the ads, left me the real important news, etc. Only to eventually find those sections about 5 minutes later. All I could muster was a loud "Never mind!".

Meal of Links

Things you should not do on a first date. This made me laugh really hard.

Bush's Brain leaves, I guess his body will be leaving soon, too. W. seemed so sad, like it was all over for him today. It has been for a while, but maybe it sunk in.

I think the Van Halen tour with David Lee Roth has not much potential. I can't think of a more irrelevant comeback of all the comebacks that have comeback recently. If Ed stays clean, it might be OK musically. Roth is not even a cartoon these days and it seems, I don't know, so unnecessary.

Exercise Yard

Allan Houston may be in the Cavs future. Hasn't played in two years, but the guy can shoot.

Visitor

63 Across: '50s VP candidate Kefauver (5 letters) Answer: Estes