As I do every Sunday morning, I read the Plain Dealer religiously. But today's effort drove me nuts:

Wow, big news! Frank Russo hires people he knows to work in the Auditor's office. Groundbreaking. Unlike Pat O'Malley in the Recorder's office, he offered no excuses. I guess we can give him credit for that.

Dick Feagler mentioned Burma Shave in his column today. Burma Shave! Hey, I know what Burma Shave is, but I don't still use an abacus. I mean, how old does today's column skew? 80? 88? OK, I still moo when I see cows at the side of the road and I want the engineer to toot that train horn when I drive by, but seldom do I wax nostalgic about the days of 18-cent gasoline. Christ, I may be the youngest person reading the paper.

If that wasn't bad enough, someone (perhaps a Feagler acolyte) writes the editor and wants to re-enact the blue laws to save gas. Are you effin' kidding me? I'm old enough to remember when the addition of a couple of extra hours on Thursdays for grocery stores was actually debated to determine if it would be a good thing. The first time I ever heard of a grocery store being open on Sundays was when I went to college. Yeah, close everything on Sundays, so we can take those trips to Illinois in Feagler's DeSoto every weekend. The world has gone batty!

Allow me to put my Feagler throwback pants on for a moment. Upon further review of today's paper, did you notice that all of the puzzles (Jumble, Sudoku, Crossword) are going to a new (and I stress "convenient") pullout section known as Diversions? Seems reasonable at first glance, a pullout section. But did you notice the layout? Page One is that damn fold over another section that may overlap by 1/4 to 1/3 of the underlying section. That killed the Taste section on Wednesdays, BTW. I bet it's gonna suck to use any writing utensil because it's not going to be a big enough section, it's probably going to be one page, stretching the limits of the phrase "pullout section". It's like using one sheet from a notepad with no hard surface underneath. Try writing and erasing, if you use pencil, on that! I guess the good news is that Feagler's bridge club gets their man Goren back on this page and can read Judge Parker every day, so they can put away their astrolabes when looking for the Judge. Cardinal Rule: Don't fuck with the Crossword!

Meal of Links

People, you are not bidding on an iPhone. You are bidding on an iPhone Box and Manual. Sheesh! "Damn you, eBay!"

I saw "Get Smart" last night. Nothing special, but reasonably entertaining. I laughed really loud when Anne Hathaway (who looked nothing like Jane Hathaway) had described Maxwell Smart to a villain as a "deaf horse groomer". When the villain told him to do something, he had to answer "Okay" as a deaf person. I know I'm not supposed to laugh, really I do, but I laughed out loud and could not stop. It's stupid, I know, I'm sorry. The other highlight was not movie-related, but an usher, making the rounds, lost control of their flashlight and it sounded as if every part fell out of it and a few were kicked around. Quite the noise...and funny.

McCain does not know the price of gas and can't remember the last time he pumped his own. I'm guessing Feagler's Dad told young Johnny to go inside and get himself some hard candy while he pumped it. BTW, McCain says he doesn't see why that matters.

This weekend was the annual festival at Glastonbury. And, as always, the BBC website does a fantastic job. You can see some sets here, including 30 minutes of The Ting Tings! You can check out The Raconteurs set here. All 35 blistering minutes of it. And in Spinal Tap mode, you can turn it up to 11!

"Wonderwall"/Jay-Z (well, the crowd mainly, at Glastonbury)



Exercise Yard

There will be scalping.
















Today was the finals of Euro 2008. And what better place to watch than the Old Angle. I kinda like the chicken wings there and had some. As usual, a decent crowd showed up for the Spain-Germany match. But there was some housekeeping done yesterday by UEFA. The field is going to expand to 24 teams by 2016. It means England and Scotland probably get a chance to qualify every year. Probably throw Poland into that mix, as well. And that means more euros for all. I rather like keeping the qualifiers to 16. I think the dead weight is eliminated that way. But with revenues up, it's difficult to deny more cash potential.

Euro 2012 is scheduled to be co-hosted by Poland and the Ukraine, but there are the usual concerns over venues. So, Italy and Spain have been put on notice for potential hosting duty. Scotland and Ireland are also awaiting the September decision.

As for today's match, it was a fitting end. I don't think there is any doubt that Spain played consistently throughout the tournament, and really is a gifted squad technically. Germany never quits, but outside of about 15 minutes in the second half today, they never really got the motor revved up. They had some chances during that time, but for the rest of the match were outplayed.

It was a coronation for El Nino, Fernando Torres. One of the best younger players in the game, he scored the only goal of the match. I was surprised at how physical he was today, certainly not backing down an inch. And with David Villa out, he took advantage of the extra space and really was the man today.

The trophy goes to Spain, 1-0.

Visitor

None, it's a beautiful Euro 2008 Final day.

Well, that was an interesting Saturday night. I watched Pacquiao-Barrera online last night saving the $49.95 tag. It was the HBO PPV video with Chinese audio and the Spanish broadcast announcing team (like wrestling) in the background. The good thing is you can understand fists in any language.

But the broadcast was a real contrast. The commercials are obviously very modern, really hi-tech looking and it seems that it's phone ad after phone ad. But the guys at the sportsdesk make it look like 1950. Very plain set, graphics are bad. They had a phone hookup with a guy from Vegas. Instead of a graphic with the dude's picture, they have a map of the United States with the guy's picture at the bottom near the middle, kind of by Texas. Then they have a red mark on the map, representing his location. I thought it was in Arizona or Colorado. On second thought, maybe he had the PPV and was calling from a hotel or something and he wasn't in Vegas. Very strange.

HBO will rerun this next week with the Diaz-Diaz bout. Here is a recap if you choose not to wait.

Are we being overcome with squirrels? I can't believe how many of these are running around these days. On my walk this a.m., I saw plenty. Oddly enough, it's one of the few critters that hasn't entered my house.

Look at this guy:

















I'm serious. We may have to consult the Pied Piper.

Meal of Links

Sen. Larry Craig likes Super Tubers. That's the one where you insert a hot dog through a potato. This guy is high comedy.

Charles Schulz is the subject of a biography. His pre-publication press hasn't been good.

Tips on how to post an eBay auction. I have only sold one item on eBay. Tickets to a Browns game that turned into Bottlegate. However, I drank before confession that day. A personal highlight reel.

Exercise Yard















I was over at Paul's for the Browns game with Italian Sausage the main event. Tough to get a read on the Browns effort today. Personally, I thought the Patriots got too cocky after a 20-0 lead at halftime. They have a big game with Dallas next week and everyone knew this game was over at the half. So, they were uncharacteristically sloppy.

Oh, you'll hear that first downs were close, third-down efficiency was close, even time of possession was close. But the Browns had 4 turnovers, the Patriots had none. And the Browns also gave up 147 yards on the run and if the Pats had run more they would have scored 50. In a yawner, the Browns lose, 34-17.















The Indians series against the Yankees is what I thought it would be going in. Let's face it, if the Yankees were going down, it wasn't going to be against Jake Westbrook. Their bats woke up for two innings tonight and they beat the Indians, 8-4. We were the only team ahead in the playoffs that did not sweep and now Game 4 looms tomorrow.

Another lo-o-o-o-ong game this evening. Roger Clemens stunk. Westbrook went longer before he was run. Aaron Fultz made what might be his only appearance in the playoffs, it was a disaster. He's paid to get the lefties out and that didn't happen too much. I go back to Game 1. If Derek Jeter had bunted and somehow Fultz had been in there in the fifth inning of that game, this series may have been different. Trot Nixon didn't help Fultz at all. It was a microcosm of his season tonight. He homered in the second, but played cadaver-like defense on an easy single in the Yankee sixth, turning it into a two-base error and allowing three runs to score.

Philip Hughes pitched well in relief of Clemens to prevent further damage. Johnny Damon provided the spark for the Yanks with a homer.

Tribe loses, 8-4. It's Paul Byrd for us against Johnny Fullstaff for them tomorrow.

Visitor

None. Another beautiful Sunday.

I thought spring was supposed to occur before summer. Let's get this rain outta here, well, maybe not so quickly. I get to think of warmer climes for a while. That reminds me, my passport status has reached the stage where I have been assigned a "Passport Tracking Number". Being only 2 weeks into the process, they remind me that I chose Routine Processing. That means it will take 10-12 weeks overall before I get my new one. Let's see how it fares.

Meal of Links

They are selling a lot of "the Simpsons" Kwik-E-Mart stuff on eBay. "Damn you, eBay!"

A rather odd, but sad, story about a double suicide. Beck gets a mention.

Geez, every time you think you might consider yourself having a hint of the clever gene, this dude pops the question in a unique way. And this after I was hitting peanuts on a table with a pencil. I need to set my sights a little higher, I guess.

Exercise Yard

In case you were wondering how the mortgage crisis might affect Quicken Loans. And ultimately, the Cavs. And what about that Varejao signing anyhow?

Visitor

36 Down: "Citizen Kane" director Orson (6 letters) Answer: Welles