I was at the Happy Dog tonight and requested a Johnny Cash tune. But here is the Pearl Jam version:

"Twenty Five Minutes To Go"/Johnny Cash



Meal of Links

Check out this way to grow tomatoes. But you have to build shit. It looks like this guy has those "Hampton tomatoes" that Costanza likes.

The birth of Trig Palin had been on the backburner for a long time. It's back again and Salon thinks it has debunked the conspiracy theory once and for all.

How can you not love the new Beasties video?

"Make Some Noise"/The Beastie Boys



Major League Eating treats Kobayashi like Mark McGwire. His name is banned from the Coney Island Wall of Fame.

Joe Queenan reviews "Hanna". And the career of Eric Bana.

Exercise Yard

The MLB takeover of the Dodgers is a lot more complicated than I thought. Fox gave Frank McCourt that $30 million loan everyone is talking about.

Plus, the Dodgers have sold only 17,000 season tickets for this year. That's down 10,000 from only 4 years ago. That is astounding to me.

Visitor

44 Down: "Hardball" network (5 letters) Answer: MSNBC

Thought I'd pull this one from the archives.

Germany vs. Greece (Monty Python Style)



Meal of Links

Looks like Kabayashi will not be eating hot dogs at Nathan's this year. Complete with Man Vs. Beast video. And speaking of that long lost show.

Man Vs. Beast (Little People Vs. Elephant Pulling Planes)



BTW, YouTube has added a vuvuzela button to some of its clips. Just click on the soccer ball.

Dennis Kucinich on War



Cinema's most laughable bad guys. Vigo made it.

American democracy on film. My favorite line from "All The President's Men": "Nothing's riding on this except the, uh, first amendment to the Constitution, freedom of the press, and maybe the future of the country. Not that any of that matters, but if you guys fuck up again, I'm going to get mad. Goodnight."

"Big Brother" returns next week. With a fantasy league.

Senator Byrd died today. Too early to look at his negative side?

Craig Kilborn is back.

Exercise Yard

Chris Henry had severe brain trauma when he died. The youngest ever diagnosed with CTE. He was 26 and without a history of concussions.

Visitor

26 Across: Orange Free State settler (4 letters) Answer: Boer

Browns-Bears Game

Having the 4th preseason game at home is always a pisser. You are basically watching the future mechanics and recreation workers of the world fight to see who will be on the practice squad. But I prepared myself to watch the first half and, hopefully, take away some knowledge. So, here it goes.

Shaun Rogers is one large human being. Not quite the stature of Ted Washington, but close. Against the Lions last week, he was a one-man gang. This week, meh. Handled one-on-one, the Bear center would seal him off to the right, with the back hitting the hole behind him to the left. Essentially, Rogers would penetrate, taking himself out of the play. Didn't see any double-teaming on him.

Brian Griese was known as "Dink". I think Brady Quinn may be "Dink II". Could the Browns have run any more of a vanilla offense early in that game? The only new wrinkles I saw were the quick swing pass to Jason Wright to open the game and the option play to Jerome Harrison for the Browns only TD. Lots of slants and other short balls. Don't get me wrong, the dink game moves the chains and eats a lot of the clock with high-percentage passing. It's just that you won't have the high-stakes offense of Derek Anderson when Quinn is in there. Your RBs and TEs catch lots of balls in that scenario. Effective, but not very exciting.

And Quinn missed an obvious TD pass to Kellen Winslow. I had the view from behind Quinn and you could see Winslow curl behind the defender at the back of the endzone and become wide open. Winslow was "as open as Denny's" and any Quinn pass, no matter how awful, to Winslow's right was six points. He threw it left and it was incomplete. A really bad miss.

Rex Hadnot went down with an injury. Don't know how severe. But we have Ryan Tucker in reserve, shouldn't be an issue.

Travis Wilson had a showcase when Quinn was in there. Caught three short slants, which is a chore for him, I know. Then he went back to his old self and dropped a sure TD from Ken Dorsey. I think he remains in trouble.

Brandon McDonald had another interception on a severely underthrown ball. I am still not sold on him.

Browns depth looked shaky in the second quarter on defense. Although the Bears second offensive unit did have Rex Grossman, the other Adrian Peterson, and Marty Booker in there. They made it look easy, putting up 10 points.

Beer is $7 this year. Hot dogs are $4 and Soda is $5. Each concession stand now has a name like the "Pizza Stop" or "Gridiron Goodies" or some other nonsense.

The Browns typically won't reveal their logo scheme until the opener. The field was logoless, perhaps for the college game this weekend. Two small NFL logos at the 25. And the NFL logo on the referee's caps. Is that new this year? Seemed so.

For the Heroes segment, they brought in all of the current Ohio astronauts. That was kinda neat, as there were nine men and women. They could can the Lee Greenwood song already, but you take what you can get.

Flags were half-mast for Stephanie Tubbs-Jones and there was a moment of silence, as well.

Both teams were introduced as a unit, no individual introductions. The entire Bears team and the Browns offensive unit came out as one.

Pre-game introductions had some new animation, with Brownie the Elf prominently featured, trapping a Bear. Get it? He was also part of a "Dee-Fense" chant, slamming big fists onto the ground, or was it a play table?

Highlight reel featured "Gimme Shelter". Before the introductions of the Browns, "Eminence Front" was played. That was all new. "Thunderstruck" was played before the kickoffs. That was not new.

Oh yeah, it was Bears 13, Browns 10.

Meal of Links

The highlight for me was stopping off at Steve's for some chili dogs on the way home. Way too early for the sideshow, however, as there were only two people in there.

The Obama coronation last night was pretty cool. How can the R's compete with that show? Especially when John McCain can't raise his arms because of injuries he suffered "living in a box for five-and-a-half years". The speech itself was OK. Thought the first 60% was really good, especially attacking McCain, then sort of went deep into policy and sputtered toward the finish. Best audio on the speech was CBS, but it kept cutting out. Thank you, Time Warner Cable!

I give Fox News, yes, Fox News, credit for not starting their analysis until everyone had left the stage, post-speech. CNN, as well. I understand the major networks have limited time, so they need to jump into analysis posthaste. Shame on MSNBC, where is the legacy of Tim Russert? Why would Keith Olbermann declare it the best speech since Moses while they were still on stage? That's Fox behavior. How about some decorum? MSNBC was very disappointing this week to the point of irritation. While they kept saying we are awaiting Obama's speech, C-SPAN and CNN had a clear graphic showing the start time of the speech, including Dick Durbin's intro. Bad production all around.

The Pretenders have gone country. Well, at least, roots. Album drops in early October.

Exercise Yard

Even Roger Ebert hates Jay Mariotti. He may be dying, but he can certainly still write. I love that man.

Visitor

23 Across: Conservative columnist Goldberg (5 letters) Answer: Jonah

Baghdad-by-the-Zoo survived another Independence Day. It seems the populace has dissed the louder fireworks for the more professional "puttin' on a show" types. Sounds better until you consider these amateurs have no idea how high these things go (some seemed awfully low before explosion time) or how windy it might be.

I spent most of the day by my Dad's. Where we tore into some burgers, ribs, corn-on-the-cob, slaw, baked beans, watermelon, and his famous iced tea. Later on, my brother and niece stopped by for some root beer floats using that Duetto ice cream. That's good stuff.

Of course, a highlight on July 4th is always watching Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, probably the grossest thing I see all year. This was an event that was mainly seen as a taped special on Discovery for many years. They never hesitated to show people getting ill, known as a "reversal". Maybe not graphically, but you knew what was happening.

Since the four-letter has carried it live the last several years, it is reaching a much wider audience. The color announcer on these broadcasts is hilarious. The guy kills me every year. They had a faith-based contestant he described as the "Billy Graham of Ham". He called the defending champ, Joey Chestnut, the "Clay Aiken of Bacon" and alternatively, the "Chikezie of Greasy". He also said "They attack those dogs like Lindsay Lohan attacks a mini-bar." And the graphics for each contestant are great. The old-timer in the competition once ate a gallon-and-a-half of chili in 10 minutes. Good God!

Although I thought Kobayashi won, they called it a tie. He probably couldn't argue because his mouth was full. Then, it seemed rules were made on the fly (A Dog Off?) and Chestnut won again. Then I realized it's only a Hot Dog Eating Contest and decided to enjoy the moment.

Quote from the on-site announcer: “Gas is 5 dollars. You can’t eat tomatoes. But the Mustard Belt will stay in America and that’s good enough for me”.

But my favorite Kobayashi moment is from the late, lamented series "Man Vs. Beast". Kobayashi takes on a bear in a hot dog eating contest, but it's Michael Buffer's intro from the "main scene of cuisine" that has stuck with me since the day I heard it. Remember, the bear "doesn't know he's in a competition".



Meal of Links

All is not great working for Google. Take the price of in-house day care as an example.

This guy says Starbucks is getting what it deserves.

Ruhlman talks about cast iron for cooking. I don't have any presently, but have been thinking of grabbing a skillet. I was watching that PBS show, America's Test Kitchen and they had these selections.

Exercise Yard

I thought the Indians version of the Stars and Stripes cap looked spiffy last night. Too bad they suck. BTW, it's not that Joe Borowski was a bad signing. He was a bad signing for two years. That noodle of his just wasn't cutting it this year. See David Delucci for other signings that were too lengthy. Toronto was not forced to wear a Stars and Stripes cap, because the Blue Jays cap had the Maple Leaf.






















This is what modern athletics has to face with the steroid issue. Dana Torres becomes the oldest swimmer ever in the Olympics and it only takes one to pee on the parade.

The Tour de France starts today. Google Maps with the route.

Visitor

Not sure what that was in today's PD. Certainly not a Saturday crossword. Oh, Saturday's solution was in, just not the actual puzzle, which forced me to go online.

13 Down: Joe, first A.L. catcher to win a batting title (2006) (5 letters) Answer: Mauer ("The Chairman")

Well, it's getting dark and the illegal fireworks have started. So, let's get crackin'...

Meal of Links

In time for the 4th, Mark Bittman shows us a bunch of dishes to take on a picnic. Looks like some ingredients I do not have at my disposal.

Your July 4th TV marathons. Do not forget the Hot Dog Eating Contest at Noon on the 4-Letter. SciFi with "Twilight Zone". Again.

Someone stole the gravestone of Ian Curtis. "Damn you, eBay!"

A tribute to awful late '90s hits. Lou Bega, Hah! I have hated that Harvey Danger song for a long time, it seems.

"The Fly" is now an opera. Boy, that seems interesting, doesn't it? Can you sing "What's that thing on your back, Seth?" though.

Viacom will soon know everything you've looked at on YouTube. Seriously. So, with that news and because I failed to mention Canada Day the other day, add another one to the list. And someday in a car, if you're lucky, you'll hear me sing along to this song.

"Red Barchetta"/Rush



Exercise Yard

After the NBA's Seattle Supersonics have bolted to Oklahoma City, in the words of Bill Goldberg, "Who's next?". The usual suspects are rounded up.

Visitor

19 Across: Obi-Wan portrayer (4 letters) Answer: Alec

I'm wondering what the protocol is when you meet a dog. I'm talking about the four-legged variety, of course. Sometimes when I am walking around the neighborhood, a much quieter place since the departure of Future Felon, there are people out with their dogs. Tonight, there was an old-timer walking his Scottie dog. So, I see him up ahead and sure enough the dog comes over by me.

I like dogs, so I don't ever ask the owner, I just go ahead and start petting the dog. I haven't lost any flesh yet, so I keep doing it. I mean, I'll always ask the dog how he's doing. The owner says, "You always like to meet people, don't you?" I said, "Oh, you must have me confused with Cousin Ron.". Then I realized he was talking to the dog. Not really, but do I need to ask for the dog's name or is there some sort of small talk obligation to the owner. I need to know these things.

I also saw a skunk later on. Now, what kind of a pact do we have with them?

Meal of Links

The life of a Fact Checker. Bill Murray stars. Mel from "Flight of the Conchords" also drops in.

Hey, the new "Crosswords" show is on. I was not happy with last Saturday's puzzle, BTW. Many stupid answers.

Paul Byrd, author. The part about struggling with pornography on the road should be fascinating. I'm sure his disputes with the front desk about ordering porn are classic.

Exercise Yard

The Browns have have only won 20 games at home since their return. They have lost 45. In 2006, San Diego won all 8 of their home games, 40% of the Browns home win total of 8+ years. Another Fun Fact to know and tell. BTW, this Onion article from last week on Brady Quinn was really funny.

The man who fired Joe Tait, former hated Cavs owner Ted Stepien, died today. Stepien was known as "TS", as in "Too Stupid". During his period of ownership, the Cavs were the laughingstock of all sports. Every damn one of them. I can remember Stepien being consistently blasted by Pete Franklin on 1100 and Doug Clarke in the Cleveland Press. He sued both of them.

This article pretty much sums it up on Stepien as NBA owner.

Visitor

40 Across: Dwarf who gets blessed a lot? (6 letters) Answer: Sneezy

Last night, my brother had strange stuff happening in his neighborhood. On Biddulph during rush hour, someone went really fast, then really fast out of control and sheared off a telephone pole. Then while I was visiting, someone's garage, a few houses down, caught on fire. We got to see the fire department spring into action and start the hydrant. No one injured, dog was saved, don't know the damage.

This a.m., I took my car to get serviced today by the fine folks at Sunnyside Scion. But with it being a big maintenance check, I have to stay at home, because it takes a while to do. Of course, then I have to take care of all of the add-ons I needed fixed, like plugs, belts, brake light, wiper refills, etc. That adds to an already big bill. Ugh!

So, I get to spend some time at home and catch up on who might be casing the joint during the day, who's lurking for my paper, how late does the postman actually get here these days, seeing if there is truly a cocaine shortage in town, that sort of thing. Thus far, it is relatively quiet, but seems warmer than expected.

Meal of Links

The folks at Dunder Mifflin now have a website. I laughed the other day when I found out a potential client's name was Creed. You can buy stuff, too, at the site.

The art of haggling. Even for hot dogs. Cleveland just waits for Dollar Hot Dog Night. And Fireworks. If they ever had Dollar Hot Dog Night and Fireworks on the same day, the traffic jam would be of epic proportions.

Storm Cat may not be the stud he once was. But he still "performed his duties enthusiastically" this year. As Harry Caray would say, "Hay!".

Exercise Yard

Another gem from Fox Sports. You know, Fox Sports, the network that covers baseball as if it wishes it were home doing something else, like watching Brad Garrett's awful show. In fairness, the Fox Instant Poll jingle is my ringtone. Anyhow, they have set their sights on covering the Super Bowl differently.

That's right. Ryan Seacrest Out will host the pregame and halftime festivities. There will be some sort of faux (maybe actual?) red carpet for arriving celebrities. Hey, we expect that at awards ceremonies for Hollywood, but there's nothing that kills the true sports fan than suffering through some actor getting special treatment at a sporting event. Even if they like sports. If Brad Garrett is still on the air, I bet he will be on the carpet saying how thrilled he is to be at the game. Hopefully, someone starts tailgating early that day and goes on the air.

Visitor

21 Across: "Out Here All Night" rock group (6 letters) Answer: Damone (I guess no one can get Singer Vic ______ )

How could you not be entertained and yet simultaneously sickened by the Hot Dog Eating Championship yesterday? Joey Chestnut eats 66 dogs to win the title. As Dan LeBatard reminded everyone on ESPN yesterday, Kobayashi ate his own vomit to stay alive in the contest. It grossed me out so much, that at the conclusion, I had to change the channel in fear of seeing a replay. That's why a DVR comes in handy. Even ESPN is refusing to show that highlight anymore.

If that wasn't enough, the announcing was so over the top on television, it almost overshadowed the job that George Shea does with the live audience. I mean to say that Curt Schilling (re:bloody sock) has nothing on Kobayashi is priceless. Now if they could work Gus Johnson into the mix, it would be off the charts.

My favorite sound bites:

"The Houdini of Cuisine-y"

"Bertoletti is dedicating his performance to Nikki Hilton, because Nikki lives in Paris’ shadow and he lives in Chestnut’s shadow." Paul Page even marvelled at how he worked Paris Hilton into a Hot Dog contest.

“If you Google American heroes tomorrow, you would find would find Abraham Lincoln, possibly Neil Armstrong, Taylor Hicks and this man, Joey Chestnut.”

"This will be the greatest moment in American sport."

"Kobayashi just had a reversal. The judges will have to rule on that." No, he was EATING HIS OWN VOMIT.

Meal of Links














I am heading to the Great White North to see the White Stripes this weekend. You may know they are doing free shows in each city, thus far, in Canada. A bowling alley in Saskatoon, a bus in Winnipeg (where they sang "The Wheels on the Bus"), etc. Today, in Toronto, they played 8 songs at a day camp. Maybe, we'll get lucky and see them before the show.

Katharine McPhee shows her Stuff. Maybe she didn't sell many records.

Don't blame Canada. Blame Mr. Rogers. Or Chrissie Hynde, perhaps. She sings that she's special.

Exercise Yard

An interesting piece. If F1 can develop a Lewis Hamilton, why can't NASCAR develop a diverse superstar?

Visitor

20 Across: 1972 Chairman Mao visitor (14 letters) Answer: President Nixon

I was able to bug out a bit early from work yesterday to celebrate what America is all about. Yes, watching my good friend "Maury", joined in progress. What has this show become? Well, yesterday's program was "Help! My Abusive Boyfriend Makes Me Prostitute". Not cook, clean, wash clothes, do the dishes. Nope, that would be boring. But prostitute, hey, we got ourselves a "Maury"!

First of all, Maury's audience seems to filled with high schoolers on a field trip. And the actresses in his enactments are much prettier than his actual guests. I have joined the program late and missed Abusive Guy #1, Milton. But I arrived in time to see Abusive Guy #2, Timothy. On tape, Timothy resembles a creepy Bill Gates sans eyewear. "At the end of the day, I'm a man and she's still a dumb bitch." Nothing like having the audience hate you immediately. Maury, who is especially sassy today, says, "You're not a man, you're a dog." Timothy specializes in profanities, as all I'm hearing is "All y'all!" and a series of bleeps. He has been on the show before, as Maury senses ratings when someone this combative is on the air. Maury promises a big surprise later for Timothy. America can hardly stand the excitement.

Abusive Guy #3, J.B., is next. On tape, J.B. says things like, "I'll choke her ass out." and "If she doesn't do what I say, I lock her in the closet." Apparently, J.B. thinks he is on a "Father of the Year" episode and has prepared his A material. Anyhow, back on stage, Maury asks J.B.'s woman what her phone number is. She replies she has no phone. Not sure if this means cellphone, but the audience starts hissing, conveniently forgetting she lives with J.B. and they probably have a home phone. J.B. convinces his woman to keep her head down. I guess you can't be physically abusive on stage, so each guest, thus far, has employed this tactic. Maury, momentarily dimwitted, doesn't get it. J.B. reminds him, "I'm in control." amongst many "She know how I go." statements. Maury zings J.B. with, "That's not control...that's fear." J.B. replies, "That ain't no fear. Uh-uh, that ain't fear." Maury goes to commercial.

And here's where the show essentially breaks down, as we knew it would, sort of like the last half of "Men At Work". Another former guest, "Q" arrives on the scene. Maury tells the Abusive Guys that "Q" was just like them, until he came on "Maury", got help, and turned his life around. So, "Q" is eminently qualified to dispense advice. He quotes, no, actually yells, MLK. "Q" channels a Chili's commercial and announces he has his baby back. The surprise for Timothy is that "Q" is gonna take him backstage and teach him some life lessons.

Meanwhile, some crazy woman comes on stage, with her sister in tow, of course. She was stabbed multiple times by her Abusive Guy, so again Maury has found a highly-qualified person to talk to the women. Maury, sensing this is going badly, cuts her off and reminds her that she will soon be talking to the women backstage. I'll move ahead and reveal that the woman basically says these are my wounds, this could be you, and worse, "you could end up six feet under". But her story was spoken in a very unintelligent way. Like most of Maury's guests and experts.

Next up, is another former guest, D West. Another guy with an odd name. Anyhow, "D" is gonna talk, well, yell at the remaining Abusive Guys, Milton and J.B. But that's not at all, as we find out after another commercial break.

You see, D West doesn't take Milton and J.B. to the morgue. That would be too obvious and strain the budget. No, "D" takes them to a local funeral home. WTF? There, an unnamed preacher tries to put Milton and J.B. on the right path. Well, going down that path takes one step to get going, so "D" leads the men to the vault in the funeral home. Where, in the voiceover, Maury talks about "the stench of death". D West then takes each man and shows them the "dead bodies" in the room. But under the sheet, lying on a slab, is each Abusive Guy's girlfriend. I see you working, "D". Since it's nearing 5:00, both men have miraculously seen the light, somehow waded through "the stench of death" and promise to stop being Abusive Guys.

Meanwhile, "Q" is starting to reveal what his surprise for Timothy entails. "Q" has some odd training habits, but maybe this stopped him from being an Abusive Guy. "Q" takes Timothy backstage at Maury headquarters. "Q" proceeds to order Timothy to clean a toilet with a toothbrush, saying what he's going through now is like the humiliation his girlfriend feels. "Q" then has some role playing in mind, as he instructs Timothy and his girlfriend to switch places in how they recline at home. The girl immediately goes for the couch, while "T" has to lie on the floor. Setting aside their obvious lack of feng shui in their home, I'm sensing a breakthrough. Next, "Q" wants Timothy to make a sandwich for him and Timothy's girlfriend, right there in Maury's kitchen. "Q" wants lots of mayo on his turkey and swiss. There seems to be a problem, as the girlfriend gets mustard on hers and announces she hates mustard. "Q", again in a fit of genius, throws her sandwich at the wall, demonstrating the humiliation she must suffer when not pleasing her man. After this rather shocking display, Timothy promises the world he has changed and won't be abusive anymore.

Not sure what I learned after watching this "Maury", but these thoughts come to mind:

"Q" loves mayo.

If we just made the sandwiches we want, the world would be a better place.

I didn't know you could tour a local funeral home, and playact while you're there.

I love the "Maury" show.

BTW, Maury celebrates the holiday today with "Born a Boy or Girl? You'll Never Guess". Imagine the fireworks on the next "Maury".

Meal of Links

Silly college students. The PD reports that two Mensas have developed a map for cheap parking for sporting events Downtown. Uh, no mention of FREE PARKING, as on the street, by a meter, hello! I can tell you which streets have meters, even the two-hour ones, yes, you can park in a truck zone legally after 6:00, etc. What a waste of ink.

Keith Olbermann is at it again.

Snopes tells us what happened to the original signers of the Declaration of Independence. Have a safe holiday!

Exercise Yard

I thought Kobayashi was not going to the Hot Dog Eating Championships, but he is. I wonder if he was sandbagging about his arthritic jaw. But there's something about the 4th of July that fires him up, so we'll see how he does. And keep in mind, since the record is 59 in 12 minutes, think how many months it takes you to eat 59 hot dogs.

Visitor

1 Down: "Desert Fox" Rommel (5 letters) Answer: Erwin