I didn't have the swine flu. Do you have pig flu? Here's your culprit! But I know this made me ill:

Oak Ridge Boys/"Seven Nation Army"



I haven't actually been ill, but watching way too much of the NBA playoffs. New month today and I'm back.

Hey, today was the first time in many years I had to deal with E-Check. Not much has changed. They only had one lane open shortly after lunch. Weird employees remain.

My niece spells burps, "b-e-r-p-e-s". Of course, I think that's funny, and I did pronounce it "ber-pees" a la herpes.

Hope you didn't buy a $220 million Mega Millions ticket, because I have the winner.

How about Rado and Marty Allen getting dumped from Triv's show on WTAM? Haven't really noticed much of a change except the two bits I heard were lamer. I mean, "Paco Gonzalez" (seriously with a "jew" for you" accent) wants us to travel to Mexico. Yikes, that was incredibly unfunny. But Triv still hates Obama. So, you can still listen to that if you wish.

Saw the Kentucky Oaks today. Rachel Alexandra looks like a filly for all-time. Won by 20 lengths today, it appeared. Tomorrow's Kentucky Derby winner...Friesan Fire.

Meal of Links

Tomorrow is Free Comic Day. I think I might see "Wolverine".

Favorite opening scenes of all time. I just watched "Once Upon a Time in the West" last Sunday on the HD Channel. I always thought Charles Bronson ruled this one. But the more I see of Jason Robards, I like him more than ever.

"Raising Arizona" provides "No, not that motherscratcher."

"Mulholland Drive" with the Jitterbug!

"The Searchers" as ever. And nice shoutouts to "Blow Out" and "Jackie Brown".

Artists who get a lifetime pass. For me, it's probably Clint Eastwood. Hey, I paid to see "Bronco Billy" in the theater.

Environmental changes are affecting some popular tourist destinations. Even the Galapagos Islands.

A primer on the greater of the babkas. Chocolate babka! BTW, there is a "Man Hands Bandit" running amok in Seattle.

Why hasn't anyone developed an "SNL" killer? Maybe the time is right.

The AT&T Blue Room returns with the New Orleans Jazzfest this weekend. Looks like the Sunday lineup is strong.

Miss California is now "protecting marriage". Looks great in a swimsuit, but she's not very bright.

Exercise Yard

Guy Lafleur's son's troubles finally get Guy Lafleur in trouble. Sheesh, these guys are a piece of work.

Visitor

31 Across: "Turn Me Loose" singer (6 letters) Answer: Fabian

I'm not dead...yet.

So, what has happened since I last checked in.

I had an almost all-day hangover after attending Bar Louie. Must remember to eat.

A dwarf caught his penis in a vacuum while performing. Performing what? I have no idea.

Amy Winehouse achieves Dead Pool potential status.

Both Mega Millions drawings had me getting two numbers, which translates to squat. Next drawing: $250 million.

The author of "Dexter" speaks.

Dammit, MTV stole my idea. Nicole Richie was in jail as long as it takes to watch "Borat"

Got to see Cate Blanchett as Dylan in the trailer for "I'm Not There". That's Dylan as in Bob, not McDermott.

Derek Jeter gave Jessica Alba herpes? Huh...what?

Sports talk in this town is abysmal. Mark "Munch" Bishop uttered what is easily the dumbest thing I've heard all year by a sports host. He said, "The Browns could be showcasing D.A.". Yes, this clown uttered a phrase containing words that should never be used in any context, "showcasing Derek Anderson". It's complete bullshit like this that goes unchallenged that really irks me. Who in the NFL will give up even a 7th round pick for Anderson? The loser of Frye-Anderson (barring injury) is cut, end of story. Needless to say that statement combined with the Buckeyes looming probably forces us to not listen to this Mensa ever again.

We have now used Tom Hamilton's phrase from the WTAM Indians commercial, "This place is actually vibrating." at least 250 times this week.

Meal of Links

Fast Company has an profile of Mahalo, the new search engine. More about the developer probably, but an interesting read.

I consulted this calorie website after my hangover induced me to buy a chicken sandwich from the King yesterday. Omigod.

Stephen Hunter can always turn a phrase in his movie reviews. This time, it's the "Nanny Diaries". "For example, the movie shows a HarvardPrincetonYale "typical" mogul type in a mock museum diorama screaming orders to his broker over the phone, but if you look carefully, the guy has clip-on suspenders. Clip-ons! Good God, it's so hard to get quality help these days! This is like Abe Lincoln wearing a fedora."

Exercise Yard

The Braves designated Wicky Wicky Bob for assignment. The Braves don't seen too upset about it. Not sure if he would find his way back here, but they all seem to come back. Remember, we had Russell Branyan for about a day-and-a-half a couple of weeks back.

Visitor

47 Across: "Phantom" star Billy (4 letters) Answer: Zane

Mega Millions is up to $200 million. As I always say when it gets that high, it's nice to take a chance and dream about winning. I would seriously have trouble comprehending getting that much money.

Don't get me wrong,I would enjoy it very much. But I think I would wake up every morning and laugh for at least an hour.

Meal of Links

The latest Google Earth allows you to check the skies above. Constellations and everything. Very cool.

Have your IP address moaned. It's loud...check the sound.

News on a "Trainspotting" sequel. Begbie must be in it, I beg of you.

Exercise Yard

This is actually a pretty funny idea. A blog about people who wear random unis. Not necessarily outdated, but really bad choices. Classics include a random Ryan Leaf and a really random Vin Baker. Man, these guys should go to a Browns game.

I recently saw an urban guy with one of those Dell Curry Charlotte Hornet specials. Did a double take because I couldn't believe it.

Visitor

26 Across: Lucy of "Kill Bill" (3 letters) Answer: Liu

I don't think it's silly to dream about winning 370 million in the Mega Millions drawing. I'm not obsessing about it, because how many times have we been down this road before with the large jackpots. It's actually kind of fun. Someone told me that you have better odds getting hit by lightning four times. Therefore, I am currently in an open field, holding a golf club aloft in a thunderstorm. In my mind.

I mean, I have a list of folks I'd give money to, doesn't everyone? A visit to the doctor for a complete physical would be imperative. Don't wanna get a prize like that, then find out I can't enjoy it. I would retire instantly, never buy another lottery ticket and go somewhere warm for a while. Plus, you could do a lot of good with that kind of cash.

I'm off to Motown for a couple of days. If I win the lottery, I'd probably still go for shits and giggles. At the very least, that means Tim Horton is in my future!

Meal of Links

Looks like theater owners want downloadable movies. Distributor costs would be reduced. Exhibitors don't want to fork over money for equipment with a short shelf life.

I found this to be an interesting read. The top 10 corporate moments in rock. I think "Ticketmaster crushing Pearl Jam" remains interesting to this day and TicketBastard with even higher fees was the result. Remember that? We won't play in your venues and we'll do it cheaply. When they realized Toledo was a tour highlight, they re-thought that strategy.

Watch TV at the cinema. And yes, they serve 44-oz. soda!

Exercise Yard

The pitchers with the wackiest windups. WTF, Valenzuela in a Padre uniform? That's like showing Phil Niekro as an Indian.

Visitor

15 Across: Designer Wang (4 letters) Answer: Vera