I feel like the drunk yelling at the corner to no one in particular. Because I have seen the movie "Unstoppable" and it should have been named "Unbelievable". But somehow, the critics have been overly kind to this crappy movie. And I'm really at a loss as to why.

Once again, this movie pairs up director Tony Scott with actor Denzel Washington. For the fifth time. These two were responsible for the extremely underrated "Man on Fire". But they were also responsible for last year's dreck that involved a train, the remake of "The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3". After viewing "Unstoppable", they need to get off the train at the next station.

Look, I'm willing to suspend belief for most movies, but this one was tough to take. I'm not even sure Denzel had the most lines, as that honor went to Rosario Dawson. Let's face it, Hollywood still hasn't figured out what to do with her yet. Anyhow, she is the operations chief at one of the railyards. You know, where Jason Lee's brother from "Earl" carelessly hopped off an engine to pull a switch on a track, but then realized he was too out of shape to run down the train, as it moves out of the yard. Thought to be a "coaster", Earl's brother also allowed the throttle to fall to full, so the train is now cruising at 70 mph.

Of course, this is also a day some local kids are getting a train ride back to this station. Rosario is doing her best to inform her dispatcher and her boss as to what is going on. And is pretty much the focal point from this point forward.

Rosario: "Where are you, Frank?"
Denzel: "We just passed milepost number 57."
Rosario "7-7-7 is about three miles away."
Denzel: "Roger that."

Riveting, eh?

I'll take a timeout here to say the movie also tried to make some statements. Silly, as they were. Chris Pine from "Star Trek" comes on as a young buck who gets to work with the old train vet, Denzel, for the day. This causes resentment among the older members, because the kids "are takin' our jobs." As the train is barreling down the countryside, the Chairman of the train company is obviously on the golf course, because no executive actually works, right? And while figuring out what to do, the company's operations chief is more concerned with the bottom line, while a finance guy is only concerned with what an accident will do to the stock. Then they form their rescue plan, which doesn't work. Only about three times.

Meanwhile, Pine and Denzel are taking a train, which Pine conveniently added five cars as a mistake, on the same track toward the runaway. First up is the kiddie train. Of course, they move onto a parallel track in the nick of time. Denzel has to pass up a really easy exit out of harm's way because Pine's mistake won't allow the train to move completely off the track. Of course, they do finally exit in a close call as the runaway clips off one of the last cars on their train.

Then to set up the preposterous last third of the movie, Denzel and Pine decide they are going to chase that runaway, hook their engine up to it, and slowly work their braking magic and save the day. Did I mention they had to go in reverse?

Clearly, this had to be a comedy, as I laughed all the way through it. And I like action movies. I saw "Transporter 3", OK. But this was so inane, I couldn't take it.

By all means, spare the 90 minutes for cable and turn up the surround sound. But don't spend a cent on this garbage and encourage Hollywood to do more of the same.

This is the only spot-on review I could find.

Meal of Links

The Gus Johnson Top 10. "ha-HA."

TSA body scanners are getting the heat. I wonder if "Don't touch my junk" Guy is related to "Don't tase me, bro" Guy. Shocker that Michael Chertoff is involved with the scanner company.

Eva Longoria. Tony Parker. Very confusing.

This could be good. Joel McHale gets to host this year's Independent Spirit Awards.

This week, it's Buck Owens and the Bakersfield sound. "My Heart Skips A Beat" is my favorite record of his.

This guy really hates the dancing of Bristol Palin.

Gotta give it up for Hitch. Still doing the interviews.

Exercise Yard

This story absolutely kills me. You know, the one where the drunk Browns fan tackles the kid wearing the Jets jersey. if true, I'm sure the guy muttered something like, "I'm gonna sack Sanchez."

Wisely, the Dad is staying away from this story.

Visitor

42 Across: Vibraphone virtuoso Lionel (7 letters) Answer: Hampton

"Flying Home"/Lionel Hampton