I've seen two entirely different movies the last couple of days.

Mr. Mix was up from Nashville and we ventured over to Cinemark to see "The Expendables". This was directed by Sylvester Stallone, who also had a hand in penning some of the most absurd dialogue I've heard in a really long time.

You have to admit, there is something cool about seeing a bunch of action heroes getting together to create mayhem. Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture and Terry Crews make up the team. Oh yeah, Mickey Rourke is the guy who gets them the jobs. But it was Stallone and Statham who had the most screen time.

So, the boys go off on a job bankrolled by Bruce Willis. But only before Arnold Schwarzenegger shows up as an old rival of Stallone, to also bid for the job. Arnold backs off and Stallone gets the job. This is somewhat of a cheap thrill, highlighted by the fact I don't think Stallone and Arnold were in the same room while being filmed. Looked like Arnie had a little CG going on.

The bad guy hierarchy was Eric Roberts as the ex-CIA main baddie, with Steve Austin as his muscle. David Zayas (Batista from "Dexter") played a General gone bad, who Roberts enlisted to help him carve out a drug trade. The boys have to take out the bad guys. BTW, Couture and Austin have a a fight scene where I don't think they were together either. They basically fought each other's stuntman. Stallone's direction was a dizzying array of constant cuts, so combined with a lack of lighting, they were able to disguise a lot of who was actually doing what.

Let's cut to the chase. The dialogue and lack of over-the-top action really killed whatever chance this movie had for me and whatever plot existed was simple to figure out. Of course, it's ridiculous to think these old hands could still do their old tricks. Dolph Lundgren was horrible and should show up next in "The Replaceables". Stallone shows his age. Couture was an afterthought. Crews fares better in the Old Spice commercials as the bouncing pecs guy (not the new guy). They kept making jokes about Jet Li's height, which combined with his subpar English, renders him useless for any action roles he may have left in him. Statham is the only one who even comes close to being half decent and probably has the best fight scene. I swear in Mickey Rourke's "Go For The Oscar Speech", he either made it up as he went along or he was high. Amazingly bad. Eric Roberts hams it up as the bad guy and probably comes in behind Statham in the maintaining of self-respect category.

This is super-discount matinee viewing. Probably makes enough money for an "Expendables II", however.

My Dad and I took in a first-day showing (imagine that) of Anton Corbijn's "The American". Corbijn is the one-time music video director (U2 and Johnny Cash) and last time out directed "Control". This movie stars George Clooney in the title role. It seemed "The Expendables" was bankrolled by a Brazilian and "The American" looks like it had Italian money behind it. I can see Clooney agreeing to the role, because he lives over there. I see him working.

I'll say this, the three lead women in this movie all have great asses. No doubt that was a characteristic necessary for these roles. Or maybe not, but very nice. And a nice mention of Sergio Leone's "Once Upon A Time In The West" was unexpected.

But, "The American" is a throwback to those movies where an assassin has to be alone, constantly on the lookout and exhibit paranoia at every turn. This is not Jason Bourne beating up a guy with a phone book.

Therein lies the problem. I liked this movie as a character study. Works great on that level. And Corbijn shoots this movie wonderfully. Lots of geometric detail and it looks fantastic. But I can quite easily see all of the arguments against it. The main one being there isn't a whole lot of action, which is going to kill any box office it may get. I joked that we just saw George Clooney build a gun for two hours.

If you like Clooney, it's a must-see. If you have muddled through the early slow-paced episodes of "Rubicon" and stayed with it, again, this may be up your alley. If you want a better story about an assassin, revisit the original "The Day Of The Jackal".

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