I took my niece (who absolutely loved it) to see "Marmaduke" yesterday. I could reference Nolan Richardson's "40 Minutes of Hell", but it wasn't that bad. The NY Daily News said "Marmaduke" makes "Furry Vengeance" look like a masterpiece. They also reference Son of Sam in regard to talking dogs. Ouch. Although, I find it hard to believe that the comic strip is still going strong. But, in this movie, Marmaduke is voiced by Owen Wilson. I thought I knew this plot before I walked in, but there was some strange stuff going on.

First of all, Marmaduke's family lives in Kansas. I think mainly to set up a "you're not in Kansas anymore" line. I think a dog said that. Yes, all of the dogs (and cat) talk. Anyhow, the family moves to "The O.C.". Again, solely so they can reference the TV show, "The O.C.". Refresh my memory, how long ago was that cancelled?

Well, Marmaduke's owner gets a marketing job with William H. Macy's organic food company, Bark Organics. He's run through several Marketing people in the last year. Apparently, the phrase "due diligence" never entered the brain of Marmaduke's owner. Of course, we find out Macy's employees have no time for their families and over the protestations of Marmaduke (they can't hear him, only other animals and the poor audience can), the family unit grows distant.

But Marmaduke is already off, finding new friends. He meets up with some mutts at the dog park, the lead female voiced by Emma Stone. She falls for our big lug of a dog immediately, but Marm has other ideas. Yep, he wants to hang out with pedigrees at the dog park, a place where not many owners go apparently. Anyhow, he falls for a collie named Jezebel, voiced by Fergie, who just happens to be the girlfriend of Bosco, the alpha dog, voiced by Kiefer Sutherland. Seriously, Kiefer narrating is bad because I can only think of Jack Bauer, his BOA commercials, "Phone Booth" and can't take seriously anything Bosco says. Then again, I'm not 9.

Eventually, Marmaduke is exposed as a fraud, loses his new friends (the mutts) and his newer friends (the pedigrees) after a party in which they have pretty much destroyed Marmaduke's home. So, when the owners come back, he is banished outside and decides to run away. Then the movie turns weird. Not weird in the sense that animals talk and I actually saw Marmaduke surfing. Weird in the sense they expose Marmaduke to actual danger.

As he's strolling through town, a storefront has a TV on, showing "Old Yeller". Disturbing on all counts, a storefront with a TV running? That ain't "The O.C." I know. But as every adult simultaneously thinks "Old Yeller", yeah, that's a great reference, Marmaduke goes further away. Somehow, he ends up on some railroad tracks, and then off into the woods where he meets Chupadogra, voiced by Sam Elliott. I'll say this, Sam earned his paycheck. His character was the former alpha dog, but in his own words, admitted these days he just avoids trains and the dog catcher. And he had some sort of dog cancer, because he coughed all the time. Anyhow, too old to terrorize Marmaduke or not really giving a shit, he instead offers advice. Marmaduke noticed his dog bowl and said, "Thanks, Buster." Then Sam goes for the Oscar with this line, "No one's called me that name for a long, long time...". My God, when Sam Elliott says that, I'm not thinking "The Big Lebowski" or "Beef, it's what's for dinner" or Coors commercials, I'm thinking Chupadogra just told me that! Sam Elliott, a true pro.

But wait, there's more. As Marmaduke's mutt girlfriend tries to find him and his family is out scouring "The O.C." for him, they locate him, of course, at the site of a water main break. While a crack security force has not secured the area, the girl dog falls into the sewer, Marmaduke (who complained about water and baths earlier) dives in after her, and immediately both get carried through the main. A fireman says they can get them two blocks from there, and they save the girl, but not Marmaduke. Why? He's too big. Wait a minute, isn't that a punchline? Anyhow, Marm's owner says where does that lead and the guy says there's a nearby aqueduct. OK, a bit dicey, but the owner dives in and saves Marmaduke.

So, the family unit is saved. The owner's job is saved because YouTube video of the rescue lands that big Petco account. And Marmaduke says the dog park should be a place where any dog can sit anywhere. Then Bosco loses the respect of everyone by being afraid of a bee. Marmaduke then tells his girl she has pretty eyes and everyone leaves the theater as all of the dogs are dancing to The Romantics and "What I Like About You".

Some random thoughts. Marmaduke has no doghouse, he didn't harass the postman, but he farts. See, I have a thing for Judy Greer, and I hope she got paid well, but after the farting, she gets to say stuff like "O-o-o-oh, Mar-ma-duke!". Wasted talent.

Dog jokes. They said "Cowabarka!" at the surf contest for dogs. Marmaduke tells someone that, "I'm all ears.", then he looks up and says "Yeah, I am." George Lopez voiced the cat in a very Cheech Marin way, so when they got shipped to "The O.C.", he grabs the cage and says, "I am not an animal...Oh, I guess I am."

I laughed out loud one time. Marmaduke's mutt friend described her perfect romantic date. Go to the junkyard, lay on a blanket, turn on some lights and have a radio playing some old music. Well, Marmaduke uses that info to take Jezebel there! Oh, you bastard. Anyhow, I hear the first notes of the song selection and start laughing..."Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye. Typically, no one else in "The C.O." got it.

Meal of Links

John Wooden died the other day at 99. Here are some of the great Coach's "Woodenisms".

Remember when the White House roof had solar panels? It's now a movie.

Edmonton gets special permission. For what, you ask? To allow bars to open early for the World Cup. O, Canada!

How you can get more plants for your garden. For free! With directions.

Exercise Yard

Danny Ferry's resignation as Cavs GM shouldn't really come as that much of a surprise. The main issue was his contract was up and I think the idea of signing up for more of this, with so many unknowns, is at the heart of the matter.

It's obvious he didn't want to fire Mike Brown, although I was on board with it. You had to do something. But if you fire someone of his caliber, you probably have to be prepared to find an equal out there. As he and Dan Gilbert are sifting through the list and backgrounds being developed, a couple of things stand out. Ferry is either not pleased with the direction the search is going or the candidates are not measuring up to Mike Brown. That's a problem, especially if the ultimate decision is Dan Gilbert's and not Ferry's.

It's obvious Gilbert will spend the cash and that's what you want from an owner. However, the ever-growing cap space issues will eventually catch up with the Cavs. They have had success wriggling out from it in the past, but eventually it will come back and bite them. Plus, the signing of Shaq and re-signing of Z didn't exactly help the team in the playoffs. So, whose decisions were these?

Finally, there has to be the issue of LeBron. Ferry has to be thinking in terms of how his GM position operates. If LBJ signs here for only three years (which I think ultimately will happen), the treadmill starts all over again. The very next day, speculation begins on where LeBron will wind up for the 2013-14 season. So, as GM, Ferry has the pressure to get these pieces/parts for an NBA title within a prescribed timeframe, with no luxury of any sort of internal player development. Maybe there's another place he will have ultimate authority.

I don't know anything about Chris Grant, Ferry's replacement. It's a good thing the Cavs had a succession plan in place. So maybe Grant is ready, as he seems to have added responsibilities each year since he's been here. It bothers me though that he seems to be responsible for the drafting of Christian Eyenga last year. We have compared him to the movie "Airplane!", where Robert Hays joins the Peace Corps and teaches the African natives basketball. Within seconds, they are doing Globetrotter antics and performing reverse dunks, etc.

It doesn't matter if you're good or not, you have to get something out of the draft and the Cavs just aren't getting it done. Either move up and buy a pick, trade it, do something. Maybe Eyenga stars someday, but how long do we wait?

Now, if Grant comes out of the box swinging with some sort of player trade before the draft, we can form an early opinion on his tenure.

Visitor

None, on a cloudy Sunday.