Randomness from today's Browns home game:




















Special Guest: Nomar Stalker. This decision was made once we saw the schedule, which provided a look at Adrian Peterson. The Brett Favre fiasco just added to it. Still surprised this remained a Fox at 1:00 game, as the media attention for this one is nuts. Easily could have been a 4 o'clocker. But I loves my Sunday at One games, and we have many this year, because of last year's suckiness.

Today's Opponent: The Diva-led Minnesota Vikings. Yes, Brett Favre comes out of retirement for the 57th time to lead the Purple People Eaters. And why wouldn't he? They have the best runner in the game, Adrian Peterson, probably the best offensive line, and speed at wideout. They also have a really good defense. They made the playoffs last year and are a legitimate Super Bowl contender with Favre (if he lasts the season). Their future in Minneapolis is probably at stake. New stadiums were built for the University of Minnesota and the Twins, they struggled to sell tickets for last year's playoff game, etc. Tough sell for them to get new digs. I'm sure the Browns will be cited there.

But the wrapper comes off of Browns Version 2.4 today. New coach, Eric Mangini may have fans running laps for their mistakes, as new-found discipline allegedly reigns in Berea these days. I have no idea what to expect from this bunch.

There is a new quarterback, Brady Quinn aka Dink II, who will be riding a white stallion, shirtless, into his debut today. If he stinks, well, it'll be time to draft a new QB next season and the roller coaster starts all over again. I think they have some major depth issues. If the Browns suffer injuries at wideout or running back, I think it's gonna be a long year. May be that way anyhow, because the schedule is frontloaded with way too many road games.

If we see some baby steps, such as not committing stupid penalties and playing to the final whistle, I'll be happy. I look for the Browns to lose by at least 2 touchdowns today.

Parking: East 6th northbound in a Truck Zone between Saint Clair and Rockwell. Not too bad for close to 10:30.

Pre-Game Festivities: Had to meet Nomar Stalker early, so I was in the park around 12:15 or so. Kinda normal stuff. Calisthenics, player drills, Shaun Rogers not participating in either, etc. The Browns had Dino Lucarelli, recently retired from the Browns PR department, out there as an honorary captain for the coin toss. The Browns won that and eschewed deferring.

The Browns Spirit Flag was unveiled and referred to as the largest Browns flag in the world. The National Anthem was played and the biggest of the Big Ass Flags was unfurled. And since it was the Opener, we got the flyover. This time it was two military transport planes with the honors.




















Worst Feature (For Me): "Hang on Sloopy" at the end of the third quarter. Fans in an angry mood, little participation.

The Weather: It's official. Marky Nolan AND Hollie Strano are going to do this together this year, regardless of each other's alcohol intake. Channel 3 Dual Doppler radar showed us nothing. A perfect day for football. Sunny and about 76. As usual, this time of year, we have the sun beating down on us until the scoreboard becomes our friend after halftime.

Today's Giveaway: One of the biggest jokes of a giveaway ever. The fine folks at TicketMaster made sure everyone who entered received a schedule...sticker? WTF? No schedule magnet, are you kidding me? I know times are tough, but what a load of crap from a company that charges me fees on fees to attend things. Unbelievable.

Section 345: Opening week means massive tailgating by the parties involved, but things started OK before the game. We have some new season ticket holders next to us who actually spoke to us and everyone around us seemed to be happy. And things kind of moved pleasantly at the start, until...

Part of the STH Handbook that goes to all season ticket holders is a list of Dos and Donts. It's obvious the Browns are getting a lot of complaints about "Unnecessary Standing". And, admittedly, this is becoming a bigger issue. Especially for a team that sucks, meaning we really don't have a lot to get excited about, so tell me, pinhead, why are you standing on 2nd-and-13? Well, a lady who has sat at the end of our row for a few years, did what you're instructed to do. She had security called for guys standing in front of her. Within the first 5 minutes. Of the first game. Of a brand new season. Uh-oh. Not exactly the way to win new friends. So, the start of a brand new season devolves into a litany of constitutional arguments right off the bat. You know, freedoms violated, I pay my money, this is America, etc. I half expected President Obama to be blamed. Of course, the rest of the game involved snide juvenile retorts about standing up.

But that was not the end of it. There are guys in our row who have this habit of yelling about people leaving early. They have been doing this for years. I have yet to figure this one out, because I can't reiterate enough how bad the Browns have sucked at home. They yell things like "This is Cleveland, we don't leave early." and "Let us know how the game sounds on the radio." Most times, people ignore it. Other times people tell them to fuck off or just smile slyly as they really are the smarter of the bunch. Then, every once in a while, you come across Guy Looking To Do Physical Harm.

See, when you yell something which you think is directed at the weakest of the bunch and there is a long line of people within earshot, a person who you did not intend to be a target assigns themselves the bullseye. And, of course, when you are yelling, you really can't back down, while hoping all of your friends have your back. My friends that is what happened today. The target decided to come after the yeller to have a discussion. But, for some reason, he was interceded by someone below. Hence, the instigator was off the hook, while all hell breaks loose in the aisle. This was beyond a minor skirmish. This was beers flying, punches thrown AND connected, security having a tough time intervening between the combatants, which now numbered about 8. Oh, the Browns have no chance of winning, so why not fight amongst ourselves?

Best Browns Play: Josh Cribbs 67-yard punt return. I am running out of superlatives for the guy. This was a game where the Browns were dead, and in a flash, they suddenly found themselves in the lead. He only had the punter to be beat with about 40 yards to go and made it look easy.

Best Vikings Play: Has to be the 64-yard TD run by Adrian Peterson. No question the Browns defense contributed to the play with some of the worst tackling we've seen since, oh, I don't know, the last home game? Horrible effort by the defense combined with Peterson never letting up results in a highlight film touchdown. Then more people left.

Worst Browns Play: In the second quarter, new offensive coordinator, Brian Daboll, decided that running Cribbs in the Wildcat inside the 5-yard line is suddenly a good idea. We gave him a pass on 2nd down when he did it. Unfortunately, he decided to run it again on 3rd down. And ran the exact same quarterback draw. The end result was 3 points. Ugh.

Second Worst Browns Play: Brady Quinn dropping a ball after a scramble was highly entertaining. Had that Keystone Kop feel to it.

Best Exchange:

PA Announcer: "Dino Lucarelli has been with the Browns in many capacities since 1975. Public relations, community relations, player relations and alumni relations."
Me: "Sounds like Dino's had lots of relations over the years."
Guy Next To Me: "Hahahahahahahahahahaha."

Best Line from a Random: "This team is not fun to watch." Yep, that about sums up the last decade of Browns football.

Oddest Browns Jersey: 2 Couch, 24 Fuller, 34 Droughns, 44 Suggs, 55 McGinest, 58 Taylor. Yes, folks, someone thought highly enough of Ben Taylor to buy his jersey.

Food Items: Had my pre-game Corona Lights at Alesci's. Hot dog and a soda. Each were $4.25 for a total of $8.50.

Best Fan Cam Feature: For some reason, one of the Browns mascots was rolling around on the ground. I happened to see this in front of me and wondered did the guy fall down, is he having a seizure? I look at the board and no, he's rolling around with a bone.

Worst Scoreboard Feature: I think this is another Mangini request. Scores from other games are not given or given sparingly. Now, I stayed until Tavaris Jackson entered the game for the Vikings and I did not see any scores posted from other games. Fantasy stats are posted. Actual game scores are not.

The Fuckin' Run: Seriously, will this ever end? The Vikings rolled up 225 on the ground, with Peterson getting 180. Imagine if they actually used him in the first half, when he only had 9 rushes.

Worst Stat: Browns had 5.1 yards per pass attempt. Once again, fanning the flames of Brady Quinn's ability to throw long.

2nd Worst Stat: Attendance was listed at 70,560. So, was it a sellout? Were there no-shows for Game One, on a beautiful day? Are we nearing blackout potential? What's up?

Most Interesting Stat: Brett Favre attempted only 4 passes longer than 6 yards. And it looked to be a chore each time he attempted one.

Penalties: The Browns had 8 penalties. Only 66 yards, but too many false starts. The oddest penalty was the Braylon Edwards TD catch that was overrruled on replay. If there is a loophole in a rule or an odd penalty, the Browns will find it. Edwards was clearly interfered with on the play. He was forced out of bounds, failed to re-establish his feet inbounds, made the catch for an apparent touchdown. But his catch, an illegal touch, nullified that. How can the defense be rewarded for pushing him out of bounds? I don't know, but that rule needs to be changed.

This will be viewed as a game of two halves for the Browns. But, let's be clear, the offense stunk in the first half and the Browns defense benefited by some terrible playcalling by the Vikings coach, Brad Childress aka Mr. Noodle. The offense had a short field after the Vikings botched an onside kick to start the game. The result was three points after a godawful shovel pass call on third down. If it wasn't for Cribbs punt return, they would not have had the lead at halftime. Meanwhile, the Vikings seemed to believe that Brett Favre was their best player in the first half. They had success running off tackle, but kept sending Peterson up the middle. And they completely ignored the rookie, Percy Harvin.




















I'm sure Mr. Noodle apologized to each member of his team at halftime and decided that Adrian Peterson is a stud and he better damn well not go down in flames in Game One and not use him. So, it was mainly Peterson right and left the rest of the afternoon. Percy Harvin may be the fastest player I have ever seen on a football field and he could be a huge playmaker for the Vikings this season. He contributed a couple of reverses and a touchdown catch in the third quarter.

Meanwhile, Dink II was at the helm for the Browns and this is the type of game I think we are going to have to get used to from him. Very shaky on the long throws. Mainly his interception and the called-back Edwards TD. Bad passes both. The short passing game will move the chains, but it's dull to watch. It's just that if Quinn attempts very few long passes during a game, his margin for success has to be high. Otherwise, these defenses will catch on and defend the short one.

It seemed today that Minnesota adjusted at halftime and the Browns didn't. The third quarter, I think, exposed the true Browns defense. Minimal linebacker speed and depth remain major issues.

The Browns lose, 34-20, in Game One. Their record in season openers, all at home since their return, is now a stellar 1-10.

Meal of Links

Ten types of people you won't see on Twitter. I kind of liked The Imposter.

Trying to predict the next bubble. An interesting read.

Oh, God. Signs from the 9-12 March. "For The Truth, Watch Fox News", "We Came Unarmed (This Time)", "Glenn Beck 2012", "Kurt Schilling for US Senate", "I Am Grandma, Don't Touch That Plug". Really? And the spellings of "Kurt", "menapause" and "prostitation" are choice.

Exercise Yard

Bad goal celebrations in soccer. And, yes, once again, Robbie Fowler sniffing the endline remains Number One.

The Best Ric Flair Flops (With Appropriate Music)



Federer With A Gem



Visitor

None, on a sunny day to kick off the NFL season.