The Crank Gang met at Crocker Park to take in the early show of "Crank: High Voltage". Probably the most ridiculous piece of cinema in the last two years, and I loved it. One review said it was "morally bankrupt but the funniest film of the year". Where else can you hear Dwight Yoakam say, "Am I gonna have to choke a bitch?".

Yes, Jason Statham is back as Chev Chelios, even though he died in "Crank". Well, sort of. His stolen heart is replaced by an artificial heart in the sequel that he needs to keep charged, hence the title. His old heart ends up in David Carradine's (Carradine is a character named Poon Dong) body and why let plot get in the way of his quest for its return. Yes, Statham shoves a shotgun up some big guy's ass to gain information. Yes, some guy cuts both of his nipples off for failing to get Statham. Yes, Statham and Amy Smart have public sex again, this time at Hollywood Park, ahem, during a horse race. Yes, Statham gets a jump from a car to his heart. Yes, Statham grabs high voltage boxes and wires a few times for even more recharging. Yes, old friends from "Crank" show up.

Jee-zus, Corey Haim is in this movie as Smart's current boyfriend and she eventually beats him up. Even Ron Jeremy shows up at a porn actor protest (My favorite sign: "Hell No, We Won't Blow") so Statham can be stopped at a redlight for no apparent reason. Even Lauren Holly (looking good I might add) has an uncredited role as a hot psychiatrist.

Hey, don't be looking for any Academy Awards being thrown in its direction. It clocks in at 85 minutes and Kevin said it was probably really 40 minutes long and then they had to come up with filler. I think he was right. I see its first weekend take was only $6.2 million ("Crank" took in $10 million, for comparison). Get there soon.

Meal of Links

Jason Statham wore these New Balances in "Crank: High Voltage".

Torture memos came out last week. And George Orwell visited America three times last week.

OK, GOP. Time to start railing on President Obama for talking with our enemies. Cue "preconditions". Remember that word. By the way, Hugo Chavez is the new Oprah. That book he gave Obama is now #20 on Amazon.

Exercise Yard

The controversy around Jorge Posada's homer that put the Yankees ahead of the Indians today will probably never die. At first, I thought no. Then I thought yes, after seeing the third replay. Then I went back to not so sure. The angle on the YES network seemed to indicate Crowe and the fan directly over him missed the ball. Didn't see the TBS feed. STO's feed kept me confused. Let's face it, if Garko had still been out there, we would have known for sure. I don't think he leaps as high as Crowe did on that play.

My only beef is that when the home run goes to instant replay for an umpiring decision, the umpire crew needs to make a statement following the game and they appeared to not do that today. They also let Eric Wedge have his say after the replay, ignoring the automatic ejection rule for arguing.

Terrible effort by the bullpen should not be overlooked though. Yanks win, 7-3.

Visitor

None, on a rainy Sunday.