It's the 51st Grammy Awards! I understand Chris Brown and Rihanna are not performing because they were in a car accident (make that assault for Brown, I later found out). No word on if Billy Joel was driving. But I have enough Archer Farms Black Pepper & Sea Salt Pretzels and A&W Root Beer to keep me going through this nonsense.

U2 kicks things off with their new single, "Get On Your Boots", which I have finally discarded after the temperatures rose. CBS sound is quite awful. The Edge gets to actually play rock guitar, for once. It's been a while. Bono with eye shadow.

Whitney Houston shows some leg while presenting Best R&B Album. This goes to...wait, a Clive Davis shoutout first...Jennifer Hudson, who I think is wearing a bib. Worst Grammy dress ever. God gets thanks!

The Rock intros a bunch of Grammy performers to get a cheap pop.

Justin Timberlake waxes nostalgic about Al Green. Amazingly, he then introduces the Reverend. We get JT and Al on lead, Keith Urban on guitar, Boyz II Men on backup vocals for "Let's Stay Together". C'mon, everyone. Let's hit those high notes!

The Mentalist introduces Coldplay. Chris Martin and piano are there. Then Jay-Z comes out for a verse that starts "Vida La Vida". And, of course, it's performed in an overly dramatic fashion.

Keith Urban says Gene Autry gets a Lifetime Achievement Award (LAA). He introduces Carrie Underwood. Not a good dress, but it does show those legs! She sings that hit that makes her act like a rocker. And the fans love it!

Sheryl Crow and LeAnne Rimes give Brenda Lee an LAA. They also present Best Vocal by a Duo or Group-Country. The usual suspects are nominated, but Sugarland wins for "Stay". I am not familiar with their work. They are a duo, it seems.

Al Green and some Brit (not Amy Winehouse) present Song of the Year. Who are these nominees? Oh, I recognize Coldplay. They win, of course, for "Vida La Vida", because they just played it.

Kid Rock appears. He has been on this show several years running. I think it's a message song he is singing, because there are lots of amens and US flags on the video screen. Then he sings a verse of "Sweet Werewolves of Alabama". After that, another song. This dude gets a medley? Something about a rock revival and he may even be a Rock and Roll Jesus. Ugh!

Next up. Those two young hussies, Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift, sing something slow. Even though they are BFFs, I bet they dislike each other. I think the page from "30 Rock" is playing mandolin. Best Pop Collaboration goes to Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. And, by God, they are there! Plant speaks for both of them.

Speaking of overly dramatic, Jennifer Hudson sings. And, as one would guess, a choir appears. My goodness, this must be an important song. A standing O sent her way.

Jason Mraz and Emily Proctor from "CSI:Miami" introduce the Jonas Brothers: Manny, Moe and Jack. They are accompanied by Stevie Wonder. They sing a crappy tune in which the Joni yell, "Hit it, Stevie" one too many times. I think Moe plays the conga drum like the professor in "The Visitor". All of a sudden, "Superstition" breaks out. Ironically, many Jonas Brothers fans believe in things they don't understand, like the quality of the band.

Blink 182 hand out Best Rock Album to Coldplay. Did I mention they are in the audience? BTW, Paul McCartney has now assumed the "Jack Nicholson of the Grammys" award. Best seat in the house. Ringo was last seen yelling at his postman. Peace and love.

Craig Ferguson brings out Katy Perry. I hear she kissed a girl once and liked it. What an odd production. You Tube videos of amateurs doing the song on the video screens. Large pieces of fruit. Alleged lesbian dancers. The look on the Jonas Brothers faces afterward spoke volumes.

Kanye West is next with his Vocal Duo of "All American Boy". He hands out Best New Artist to...Adele? She is a Brit and I am not familiar with her work. I imagine the Joni are pissed.

Morgan Freeman talks about "a man he's proud to call my friend". I'm thinking Andy Dufresne is gonna come on stage. But no, it's Kenny Chesney! Now there's a story begging to be told.

Sean Combs, Herbie Hancock and Natalie Cole present "Record of the Year". Your winner is "Please Read The Letter" by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. Krauss silent again.

Queen Latifah tells us that Dean Martin gets an LAA. She then introduces the Rap Pack: Kanye West, Jay-Z, Lil Wayne and Red Buttons. A very pregnant M.I.A does the first part of "Swagger Like Us". I laughed earlier when they teased this as a Hip-Hop Summit. It's in black-and-white at first, then magically color appears at the end. OK, That was interesting.

Hey, now, it's the lovely Kate Beckinsale! Even though her BFF, Posh Spice, is now in Milan, she looks very nice. She introduces Macca. And Dave Grohl. Grohl is ON THE DRUMS! They play "I Saw Her Standin' There". So, I get to sing, "Whoo-o-o-o-o-o" and "I held her hand in mi-i-i-i-ine."

Jack Black and his father-in-law tell us that Hank Jones, a jazz pianist, gets an LAA. Best Male Pop Vocal goes to John Mayer for "Say". That record was crap, I'm here to say. "Say what you need to say" about 100 times.

Jay Mohr and L.L. Cool J tell us Sugarland and Adele will be performing next. "Stay" for the former, "Chasing Pavements" for the latter.

Gwyneth Paltrow, Mrs. Chris Martin, introduces Radiohead. They play "15 Steps" accompanied by the USC Band. Didn't USC win for "Tusk"? Anyhow, Thom Yorke is acting sufficiently Yorkey on the broadcast. Great job!

Samuel L. arrives. "Damn right, I'm right!" he says, talking about music. T.I. and Justin Timberlake with a duet. Can you say "Bathroom Break"? I realize that Grammy did away with the contest where an amateur performs at the Grammys. No wonder Timberlake and Grohl were allowed to do what they wanted this year.

The President of the Academy steps up and thankfully, he didn't insert himself into the commercial that he ran last year for a repeat performance in 2009. He introduces Smokey Robinson, who informs us The Four Tops won an LAA. Smokey, Ne-Yo, Jamie Foxx and an original Top do a medley of Four Tops hits. They actually rehearsed.

Josh Groban introduces a creepy-looking Neil Diamond who sings...wait for it..."Sweet Caroline". Hands touching hands and reaching out all over America. Big crowd reaction. You may be wondering why he is there. I think it was unannounced, but he is the MusicCares Artist of the Year.

Dead People Scroll ending with "Bo Diddley, Rock and Roll Pioneer". BB King, Keith Urban, John Mayer and unfortunately, someone I do not recognize, play "Bo Diddley", complete with the Bo Diddley Beat.

Lt. Dan lets us know Grammy hasn't forgotten Nawlins. Robin Thicke and Allen Touissant accompany Lil Wayne on a tribute.

Will.I.Am sends Obama a shoutout. Best Rap Album goes to Lil Wayne, who clicks his heels on the way out. He brings at least 12 people on stage with him. I assume family, although I am not sure. Not like they knew he was winning or anything, but they sure were lined up properly and quickly to join him on stage.

Is this thing over yet? No, the Blind Boys of Alabama get an LAA. Zooey Deschanel then introduces Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. They are accompanied by T-Bone Burnett on guitar. They also do a medley.

Green Day present Album of the Year to Robert Plant and Alison Krauss who weren't far away because they just performed. Krauss speaks this time. Robert Plant seemingly thanks everyone in the world.

Stevie Wonder closes out the show for no apparent reason. Only 30 minutes over this year. He'll be mad later when he finds out the closing credits were spoken over him.

Meal of Links

Michael Symon's place, Roast, is Detroit's Restaurant of the Year. Pictures included.

Jimmy Sturr, Grammy Powerhouse. He's up to 17 now. Skoal!

Kids and their dogs. Many cute pictures.

Once again, Washington is telling us they need to do something regarding the economy. Hence, the stimulus. Let's hope they do they it better than TARP I from last fall. Watched the Senate debate yesterday. It's like the South Pole arguing with the North Pole. I see no one looking for middle ground.

One less Judge Show. Maybe this one was too intelligent.

Is Castro dead yet? Uh, no.

The annual story on the ethics of selling Girl Scout cookies at the office. Let's be serious, you don't have to order any. But I always wondered about the kids who set up at Giant Eagle. What did they do to earn that advantage? BTW, I still have Pepppermint Joes left. No binge, thus far.

Eddie Izzard really wants to get political. Saw him last year and I think he's genius.

Exercise Yard

The Cavs lost their first game at home this season to the Lakers. But what was up with Phil Jackson's hair? Did he shower today or have a severe case of hat hair? Bottom line for the Cavs today was they played pretty subpar defense and LeBron James shot poorly. Not a good effort from him at all.

The Lakers are on a roll and win, 101-91.

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None, my lawn reappeared overnight.