Final Oscar Wrapup

"I want to thank God, because I feel God in this Chili's tonight..."

OK, last night's show was pretty lame, I thought. And I love the Oscars, but there was just not enough fun in the broadcast. I did my best to recap, but edited my notes (the ones that I didn't misplace) to get at least something written. And when you fall behind in your typing during a marathon telecast, well, I was in catchup mode. So, after not much shuteye and more time to think, I'm adding some more thoughts about last night's show.

The beef I had with Ellen was she wasn't very funny as host. I think the issue is her comedic style. The rambling observational, double meaning chat just didn't work for me and normally I like her. Let's face it, Peter O'Toole is too easy of a target and I guess we couldn't make fun of the black guy or any of the other foreign nominees. The tambourine hitting with the gospel choir should have been a sign of things to come.

So, who should host next time? Clearly, Jerry Seinfeld was testing the waters for 2008. He'll have an animated movie out by this time next year and his jokes were funny. However, were the movie house owners thrilled with his portrayal of their food prices, "ripping us off", if you will. Maybe someone who can make fun of everyone is what they need. Would George Clooney give it a shot? I think he could do it, but maybe his jokes would be too inside and it would wind up like Bing Crosby's golf tournament, which may not be a bad thing. Or maybe have no hosts like the Emmys.

And where were all of the American stars as presenters? Another outsourced job as it was 60-40 made in the USA. We want to see stars, instead of all of those that make you scratch your head. For instance, Pitt and Jolie need to be there. Get a producer who gets people to show up. Maybe Sir Bob Geldof should take a crack at it. Or George Clooney. I bet he could get people to say, "Yes, I'll be there." Ben Stiller was on for years when he wasn't big box office. Latest movie was a big grosser and where was he? Samuel L. needs to be on in some capacity. Cannot save Jack or Clooney til lots of time has passed, although Jack has presented the Best Picture Award the last two years and eight overall. Make it permanent. How about Matt Damon? And let them do their own material. Cuba Gooding refused to read his stuff at the Independent Spirit Awards because, for the most part, this stuff sucks.

Last night's presenters:

Ben Affleck (USA)
Gael Garcia Bernal
Diego Luna Alexander
Jessica Biel (USA)
Jack Black (USA)
Cate Blanchett
Emily Blunt
Abigail Breslin (USA)
Steve Carell (USA)
George Clooney (USA)
Daniel Craig
Tom Cruise (USA)
Penélope Cruz
Catherine Deneuve
Cameron Diaz (USA)
Leonardo DiCaprio (USA)
Robert Downey, Jr. (USA)
Kirsten Dunst (USA)
Clint Eastwood (USA)
Will Ferrell (USA)
Jodie Foster (USA)
Al Gore (USA)
Eva Green
Maggie Gyllenhaal (USA)
Tom Hanks (USA)
Anne Hathaway (USA)
Philip Seymour Hoffman (USA)
Hugh Jackman
Diane Keaton (USA)
Nicole Kidman
Greg Kinnear (USA)
Queen Latifah (USA)
Jennifer Lopez
Tobey Maguire (USA)
James McAvoy
Helen Mirren
Jack Nicholson (USA)
Clive Owen
Gwyneth Paltrow (USA)
Jerry Seinfeld (USA)
Jaden Smith
Will Smith (USA)
Meryl Streep (USA)
John Travolta (USA)
Ken Watanabe
Naomi Watts
Rachel Weisz
Kate Winslet
Reese Witherspoon (USA)

The best commercials were iPhone and AMEX. The iPhone ad debuted last night and it was a perfect tie-in to the event. The Wes Anderson AMEX commercial should be like the old Norelco Christmas ads with Santa riding the slopes on an electric razor, and be on every year. "Are those my birds?...Need those."

And production numbers, where were they? Gospel choir, sound effects choir, people behind white screen, low-key Best Song efforts. Budget cuts?

And the PricewaterhouseCoopers message didn't come on until the very end.

Here are some additional thoughts, in order almost:

Found out Errol Morris was responsible for the opening montage of the nominees. Then realized he did the same thing a few years back. I think they owe him for getting stiffed on Best Doc all the time.

Maggie Gyllenhaal actually called the SciTech Oscars a "wild night".

Ixnay on the idskay as presenters. Not cute, they screwed up their lines. This wasn't funny when Rodney Allen Rippy did this in the '70s. Not sure what the point was. Oh, they were short, so they presented not one, but two Shorts awards. Yikes.

The songs. Let's see "Dreamgirls" had three and we had the Randy Newman one and the Melissa Etheridge one. The Melissa Etheridge one was over the closing credits of "An Inconvenient Truth", so who knew?

Way too much Al Gore.

BTW, Kevin Costner said, "Gentlemen, start your engines!" at the NASCAR race earlier in the day at nearby Fontana, CA.

Backstage, Chris Connelly seemed to know not what he was saying. He screwed up the award count for "Pan's Labyrinth" and seemed to be inventing upsets and chaos where there were none.

This is the Robert Downey, Jr. line: "Visual effects. They enable us to see aliens, experience other universes, move in slow motion or watch spiders climbing high above the city landscape. For me, just a typical weeknight in the mid '90s." That was a joke I really enjoyed. And he's such a good actor.

I like Michael Mann's stuff and I thought he did a good job on Best Foreign Language Film montage. Very few make a better visual film than Mann.

Jennifer Hudson winning. I cannot tell you how awful it is to hear her acceptances. Her handlers should have written down something for her by now. And Peter O'Toole is probably saying, "I was Lawrence of Arabia and this child was on "American Idol". Woe is me."

Since Larry David's wife was on stage with Al Gore, can we expect that in an episode of "Curb"? He looked mad to me, or maybe he couldn't see.

And don't you feel bad for the group winners? Inevitably, person one hogs the mike, doesn't edit their speech at all, then turns it over to person two as the orchestra starts playing. Every time.



















Karen Filipelli and her Dad. And what is Quincy Jones wearing? It looks like he wants to be the King of Something.

John Travolta came out last night. I heard him.

Kirsten Dunst and Tobey Maguire hate each other, so why did they pair them up?

What was that noise Philip Seymour Hoffman made as he started his presentation for Best Actress?

Is Forest Whitaker that serious in real life? Whoa. At least his handlers got to him and he wrote his speech down. He seems like a ticking timebomb to me. Lots of people were reading last night. Was that to beat the clock?

Still can't convince me that the Best Director vote was not revealed early to get those three presenters. And did anyone notice that Steven Spielberg could have been noted as funny last night?

Jack is playing a cancer patient in a new Rob Reiner film. Hence, the shaved head.