Randomness from today's Browns home game:

My brother Jeff, along with his uncanny Browns winning percentage, is today's special guest. Browns ("Here in Cleveland? I didn't know they still had a team!") Version 2.3 seems to think a moral victory against Pittsburgh has won them respect. Why? I have no idea. This is a week where Braylon Edwards calls out his own teammate for a legal hit and criticizes his offensive coordinator for lack of red-zone scoring. These youngsters never learn, do they? The Browns come into the game not scoring an offensive TD in their last 6 quarters. But the Bengals sport the #32 defense in the league. That's bad. The Browns appear that they should be able to at least score on offense this week.

Today's opponent: The Cincinnati "Who dey, who dey, who dey think gonna beat them Bengals?". We have had trouble containing the Bengals lately. They killed us down there earlier this year and with their no-huddle offense, pose lots of problems for our team. Rudi Johnson usually runs all over us. Each time we play them, I think of "Rudie Can't Fail" by The Clash. And, of course, "Ocho Cinco" has been on fire. The Bengals defense, as I said, is crap, but the offense has been clicking lately and I do not have a good feeling going into this one.

The weather was unbelievable for a late November Sunday. Temperature was in the mid-60s with plenty of sun and no wind. A day like this, this late in the year, is stealing.

Today's giveaway: None. Not even Excedrin Migraine for the thumping we were about to witness.

Section 345 was comatose for most of this one. It appears, with the last of the division rivals present and a holiday weekend, that the season ticket holders have bailed once more. Many Bengals fans present to lower the average IQ of the crowd by at least 25 points. The crowd was so silent, in the third quarter, we heard a motorcycle revving by on the Shoreway. I kid you not.

Today's running game was abysmal. Lemme see, we dressed Reuben Droughns only to have him play special teams and to run the ball twice. Jerome Harrison was our leading rusher with (are you kidding me?) 18 yards. He ran the ball 54 feet! That won't win many games. US Bank sponsors a contest where the winner gets $5 for each yard our leading rusher gets. They paid out a whopping $90.

The game was so shitty, I swear G.E. Smith was there.

Worst Browns play: Pick any Charlie Frye interception, Browns running play or Bengals pass play where we didn't sack Carson Palmer or intercept him. It's a tie.

Best line from me (After Joshua Cribbs opening kickoff return for a TD was called back by a penalty): "I hope that's not our only highlight today." I am changing my name to the prophet Isaiah.

Best lines from randoms (In Section 345, a Browns fan threw two empty beer cups at a Bengals fan. A guy in a Corey Dillon jersey went to security to rat on the Browns fan, resulting in...): "Snitches get stitches!" "Tattletale!" "Pussy!"

Oddest Browns jersey: No question, the pet peeve of the day. Since it was warm, many Browns fans broke out their jerseys today. It is amazing how many fans still sport the jerseys of some of the most reviled names in the history of the new Browns. It is quite the amazing scene. Why, just today, I saw: 2 Couch, 5 Garcia, 17 Holcomb, 31 Green, 92 C. Brown. This is unacceptable! The topper, however, was 64 Jurkovic. Jurkovic! Let me say that again. JURKOVIC! Even Spock would be stupefied by that one.

I actually bought items at this one. Ticket: $40, Parking: Free, Pre-game Corona Lights (with lime): $6, Hot Dog: $4, Mountain Dew in a souvenir cup: $4.75, Witnessing, perhaps, the ugliest football game which forced me to leave when the score hit 30-0: A new hobby of cutting myself.

Best Browns play: Joshua Cribbs opening kickoff return for a TD. Oh, wait a minute, a penalty wiped that one out. Uh...er...mmm...next.

We saw a grandmother sporting a boa today.

Best Fan Cam feature: This may have been more maddening than the game. At halftime, Brian Colleran of Channel 3 hosts a halftime show from Legends, behind the Dawg Pound. He should be renamed "Baghdad Brian". This guy runs down highlights from the first half and you would have thought the Browns were running the Bengals out of town. They showed no Bengal TDs, a Browns sack, a pass to Dennis Northcutt, a pass to Kellen Winslow (he's a soldier, you know) and some other insignificant tripe. Then this Mensa says one of the keys to the second half is "Establish the run". My God, man, we have 5 first downs, losing 17-0, and you want us to run the ball? I begin to carve his visage into my upper arm at this point.

Worst stat: The Browns had 9 first downs.

2nd worst stat: Charlie Frye's 4 interceptions.

Most interesting stat: Although we got our ass kicked, Rudi Johnson was stopped. Only 64 yards on 25 carries.

The Bengals, with the worst defense in the league, gain their first shutout since 1989, also against the Browns. We were not close in this one, as the Browns offense has not scored in the last 10 quarters. The Browns played a game that was reminiscent of the two-year reign of Chris Palmer. May have been worse than last year's 41-0 shellacking by the Steelers, also at home. Each time I believe it can't get worse, it does. We have Braylon Edwards sniping at Charlie Frye on the sideline, while Romeo Crennel fiddles. Appropriate, because Romeo must be on the hot seat after this effort. It was mindful of John McKay as coach of the Buccaneers when, after a game, was asked: "What about your team's execution?" He replied, "I'm all for it."

Certainly, the Browns worst game of the year. And one of the worst ever in the new Stadium.

Meal of Links

Hey, "The Match Game" has its own special on GSN. That should be blankin' awesome.

If you hate Rachael Ray, join this club. I must say, I saw Friday's edition of her show. I could barely make it through 10 minutes.

The world of adult Legoists. There are some crazy designs out there.

Exercise Yard

HBO ran a great replay last night of the Pacquiao-Morales fight. Manny Pacquiao is a fave of mine, trained by Freddie Roach, and always gives 100 percent. His fight with Erik Morales was the last of a trilogy and Manny delivered a third-round KO.

Big time crowd that was absolutely insane. Most enjoyable.

Visitor

None on a beautiful Browns Sunday.