Today's Plain Dealer sports page had what may have been the lamest attempts at humor since my "relish-catch up" joke last night. These are really bad.

In Bill Livingston's column about the OSU quarterback, Troy Smith, the headline reads:

"Smith's not Young, but he ages well"

That is a major groaner referring to last year's Texas QB, Vince Young, and the fact that Smith has a different approach to the position and has matured in his starting role.

The next one was more heinous. In Paul Hoynes' notes column about Aaron Boone, the headline is:

"Boone to tinker and see if there's ever a chance"

This could be the all-time stretch to get a "Tinker-to-Evers-to-Chance" reference in a headline. What is their target demographic here, 72? An amazingly bad headline.

Meal of Links

Borat has a little problem at his film premiere in Toronto. At least he arrived in grand style.













Here are major news stories the media is ignoring. Some of these are pretty juicy.

In case you want your newborn to have hair. It's the baby toupee.

Exercise Yard

The EPL started again after the international break. I saw Sheffield United and Blackburn Rovers play a crappy game. But Bay Village's own Brad Friedel stopped two penalties and then had a game saver in extra time to salvage a nil-nil tie.

Arsenal could only draw with Middlesbrough and Man U. beat Tottenham in the other Fox Soccer Channel games. After the Browns game tomorrow, I'll get my first look at Randy Lerner's other team, Aston Villa.

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44 Across: Oscar winner Signoret (6 letters) Answer: Simone