A grand total of 8 took in the early viewing of "Transporter 3" at Crocker Park earlier today. Kevin, Shaun and I were in attendance for what we hoped was a typical Jason Statham affair. The consensus was: "It was horrible." Yes, this franchise has been effectively killed off after this effort. It appeared that Luc Besson wrote this during a lunch hour with the TV on, looking out a window, knowing he had no shot to make a "Transporter 4".

You see, I don't like plot getting in the way of my Transporter movie. I want Frank Martin beating up guys and driving his car really fast. That's all I ask. Pretty simple. I'm even willing to suspend reality for some of the driving stunts as long as they seem somewhat plausible. But even that didn't happen, as some of these stunts were really out of left field. And I'm not even talking about the "driving between two trucks" stunt from the trailer. I'm totally into that. Some of the others were just idiotic.

Oh sure, he had a fight scene where the weapons were his clothes. Yeah, he beat up a gang of guys with his suit jacket, followed by his shirt, then his tie, and later he whipped a guy with his belt. All good "Transporter" stuff. But then he starts breaking his rules. Rules he lived by explicitly in the first two Transporter movies. Uh oh, if he starts suspending rules, that means plot enters the picture. Aaaaargh!

There were some environmental polluters (Huh?) and then the Bad Guy kidnaps a daughter of a diplomat dealing with those guys (So, where's my Audi?). Frank Martin finally realizes (after the audience had known, oh, since the start) the package he needs to deliver is this girl. The most annoying character I've had to deal with in a movie in a long time. Couldn't he shut her up with a cufflink or an ascot or something? Anyhow, they become a love interest by the end. WTF? If he wants to break his rules, fine. But to end up with this one? Ay yi yi!

Oh yeah, he and the girl are also wearing bracelets and if they end up 75 feet away from the car, they go boom. Easy to forget, because they were never really in danger of doing that. I mean, he has to drive the car, doesn't he?

Then, of course, we have the Bad Guy. First of all, why doesn't the Bad Guy and his henchmen drive the girl without the middleman. Seems infallible to me. Then with all the sophisticated tracking equipment they have, they are driving around with it housed in a UPS-type truck. That's laughable. Then when the girl is delivered, they decide to ride into Odessa (Oh yeah, Budapest and Bucharest were just false destinations. I guess they ran out of ests.) on a train instead of driving there in their cars. Even a henchman asked that question and the Bad Guy pulled a gun on him as his answer. I guess that's better as a symbolic answer instead of saying, "Well, that would be the smart move, but because we have some more stunts to do, we need to involve the car and a moving train. Plus, the Bad Guy Rulebook dictates I have to do something utterly stupid so my plan is foiled, he gets the girl, and I meet my demise in a rather exciting fight to the finish. And if we drive into town in our comfortable Range Rovers to deliver the girl, we can't do that."

Should be showing up on Worst 10 lists soon.

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Exercise Yard

Another rather indifferent card on HBO Boxing After Dark tonight. While everyone is not paying attention, Chris Arreola is now the best heavyweight boxer in the United States. If you ask who, well, you're not alone. He came into tonight's bout out of shape and boxed a stiff. So, he gets knocked down in Round 2 and then knocks his opponent down twice in the same round for the uncommon 9-8 round. Then finishes off his opponent early in Round 3. We've been down this path before, let's see how he does against the top flight.

In the main event, Paul "The Punisher" Williams threw a shutout at Verno Phillips for 8 rounds before the ref ended it. Nasty cut on Williams by the unintentional headbutt in Round 1 made it interesting for about 5 seconds. But Williams went about his business with his typical high workrate and dismantled Phillips from that point forward.

Next week is the big one. Oscar de la Hoya vs. Manny Pacquiao. It's on PPV but I hope to get a look next Saturday.

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