It's Thursday and that means it's Game 7 of the NBA Finals. More importantly, we have another slapped-together-quickly episode of "Hit Me Baby One More Time". Rumors are running rampant after last week's nightmare of a live audience vote, that the audience at home, (yes, you and I) have gained the ability to crown this week's champ. Since this show is not live, I'm sure each band was taped as a winner. On to the videotape...

It's a recap of last week's show, showing Irene Cara as the winner. Vernon Kay was refused entry to the UK, because of his alien status (he is, in fact, an alien), so he is back as the godawful host of the program. Geez, tonight's lineup (what happened to the Baha Men?) is the worst yet, but they have crammed a shitload of folks into the auditorium this evening. V. tells us that last week was the first time online voting differed from the studio audience and basically tells the home viewer to suck on it and like it, because their opinion doesn't count.

First up is Greg Kihn with "The Breakup Song". I must admit, I like Greg Kihn. You know him. He was the guy with his name in the titles of his albums, like "Rockihnroll" and "Kihnspiracy". He wasn't around long enough to record "Kihnjoined Twins". He is now a top-rated DJ in Frisco and his son is on guitar tonight. Greg is a bit chunkier and this is a throatier version and pretty good musically. They just don't write 'em like that anymore. He's the leader, so far. OK, he was first.

Next, it's Club Nouveau with "Lean On Me". I absolutely hated this song and V. tells us it won a fuckin' Grammy! Is that the year Jethro Tull won, as well? They are trying for audience participation and the chick is carrying this group right now. Christ, this is weak. I need someone to lean on. Where is Mr. Mix? "We be jammin'" earplugs in.

Vernon introduces them as "Glass Tiger...Arrr". They sing "Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone". I don't like this song either. Apparently, they forgot Bryan Adams, because he is not in the room. So, I am singing his part. "My heart would break"..."It's all I can take". I'll be on next week's show. The lead singer is Canadian and sounds like he lives in Dublin.

Jeezy creezy, it's Billy Vera! V. says "At This Moment" tugged at America's heartstrings. Uh oh. Billy is sitting at the piano, rendering speculation on his chances to be a waste of time.

The last artist is Thelma Houston singing "Don't Leave Me This Way". Had a thought, wasn't this song the closing theme of "Looking for Mr. Goodbar"? Thelma looks like a Patti Labelle knockoff. Houston, we have a problem. 40 seconds in and Thelma has hummed and said "well, well, well" and "come on". Hell, I could do that next week. OK, she starts to sing. I decide to continue my audition and become Thelma's Pip for this song. "out of control"..."need in me"..."set me free". Incredibly at the halfway point, I think Greg Kihn is ahead, but the crowd is definitely in Thelma Houston's corner. Not much of a competition.

Now for the new tunes. "Rock and Roll's Renaissance Man" Greg Kihn selects "Boo-lee-vard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day. Uh oh. Musically, this is OK and a showcase for Junior. Vocally, not so good. Greg's charitable donation is in "Jeopardy". "R&B's Hottest Hitmakers" Club Nouveau picks "Thank You" by Dido. Thanks, but no thanks, I say. Glass Tiger tries "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon. At least this fits their poppy image and they do a nice job with it. Hey, Billy Vera does voiceovers now. I think I hear him in my head often. He sings "True" by Ryan Cabrera. He gets a dry ice effect and is singing in tongues. Nope, it's Spanish. Verdad, I loathe it. Thelma Houston sings "Fallin'" by Alicia Keys. I have my Pip hat back on. The crowd loves it and I'm predicting a Thelma Houston victory.

V. goes through another recap and says something that resembles "it's gonna be close". The studio votes and the winner is...Thelma Houston. The audience is kihnsistently inkihnsistent. 20 G's goes to The Minority Aids Project.

Next week, it's the season finale and even Vernon does not know who will be performing. More humming from Thelma as we sign off.

Meal of Links

Karl Rove says, in so many words, Democrats aren't patriotic. Expect the apology late Friday, in time for no network news coverage and weekend papers no one reads.

It only takes one brain cell to recognize a celebrity. Millions of egos deflated.

The Whizzinator is back in the news. Thanks to the hands of one Tom Sizemore. For the record, your honor, he was great in "Heat".

Exercise Yard

There was that old track and field joke about "javelin catching". Well, some guy finally caught a shotput. In the head.

Visitor

45 Across: Ambler of thriller fiction (4 letters) Answer: Eric (All clues today began with "a"...give that man a raise.)