I think I need Glenn Beck's blackboard. Especially now that he won't be using it. This almost seems like a victory for the left, as he'll be off of Fox by the end of the year. But I think it's really a story of making up shit and people getting bored with it. Half his audience under age 50 had left. I used to laugh when Olbermann called Beck, "Lonesome Rhodes", but the truth is he was pretty much that character.

But the reason I need that blackboard is I finally did my taxes. Just in time for the looming government shutdown. I'd like to trace where my refund is heading. Or stalling.

Meal of Links

The thing about the Paul Ryan budget is it really cuts back funding on low-income programs. Probably close to 70% of the cuts are there. That's a huge difference from what the Budget Commission proposed. Of course, the Democrats hopped all over the budget, but you have to admit, it's the closest thing to serious reform we've seen in a while. That's why the D's need a plan of their own. Come up with an alternative to that $2.9 trillion in low-income cuts and show how it can be done. Like taxing the highest 2%. How long will it take to get that in there.

Playing with Spam. I'm always surprised when someone says they've never had the stuff.

Did you see the list of material selected by the National Recording Registry? Steely Dan's "Aja" made it. Reminds me to listen to that again soon. "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" and "Stand By Your Man" also recognized. De La Soul, Mort Sahl and Al Green, if you need 'em.

2011's Ten Ugliest Cars. There are some bad ones here.

You asked for it. The Complete Guide to Jerry Seinfeld's Sneakers. Chronologically, I might add.

Mark me down for this one. The Bill Hicks doc is starting its release this week. Better get here soon.

Will Ferrell. MeetGary Sanchez.

The Grammys got revamped again. No more Best Hawaiian, Native American or Cajun/Zydeco awards.

The road to Nashville ends. In Nashville.

Exercise Yard

Speaking of docs, did you catch that surprise 25-year look back at the 1986 Masters that ESPN ran today? Once again, had the best line ever in golf lore for me. Conversation between Jack Nicklaus and his caddie, also his son, on the 16th hole. Nicklaus stripes his tee shot on 16.

Caddie: "Be right."
Jack (bending over to get his tee): "It is."

Jack on 16 (1986)



Visitor

23 Down: His 3,000th hit was a homer (5 letters) Answer: Boggs

Questions about A-Rod's steroid use. One thing that irks me is how can a private test become public. I think MLBPA has a lot of explaining to do.

But let's look at A-Rod's stats.

In his second full season, 1997, it is the only season he hit less than 35 homers, knocked in less than 106 and slugged less than .500. This was after 1996, when he was #2 in the MVP voting.

So, he comes back in 1998. Has 213 hits (career high), steals 46 bases (career high), homers 42 times, knocks in 124. And, with all that, finishes 9th in the MVP voting! Behind the rogue's gallery of Juan Gone, Nomar, Jeter, Junior, Mo Vaughn, Manny, Bernie Williams, and Albert Belle and right in front of Pudge and 20-game winner in Toronto, Roger Clemens. No wonder the guy juiced.



















In 1999, he only plays 129 games, but still hits 42 homers and knocks in 111, hits only .285 and finishes 15th in the MVP. Behind: Pudge, Pedro, Robby Alomar, Manny, Palmeiro, Jeter, Nomar, Giambi, Shawn Green, Junior, Bernie Williams, Delgado, Juan Gone and Mariano Rivera.

After that season, he's at the highest level of the league each year. So, they have a bad test from 2003, but he had to have started earlier.

OK, he admitted he started in 2001. I thought so.

Meal of Links

Recent government spending would pay off 90% of all U.S. mortgages. That's $9.7 trillion.

Growing rich by blogging is a myth. BTW, has anyone ever seen a Vermont Teddy Bear?

The new cast of "Dancing With the Stars" has been announced. LT? Are you kidding me? Several train wrecks are in this bunch.

How to fix the Grammys. And if you watched all 3.5 hours last night, you know it needs help. Desperately.

An interview with Flight of the Conchords. Sort of a "band meeting".

Exercise Yard

Lance is back. The Amgen Tour of California starts Saturday.

Visitor

71 Across: Late-night Jay (4 letters) Answer: Leno

It's the 51st Grammy Awards! I understand Chris Brown and Rihanna are not performing because they were in a car accident (make that assault for Brown, I later found out). No word on if Billy Joel was driving. But I have enough Archer Farms Black Pepper & Sea Salt Pretzels and A&W Root Beer to keep me going through this nonsense.

U2 kicks things off with their new single, "Get On Your Boots", which I have finally discarded after the temperatures rose. CBS sound is quite awful. The Edge gets to actually play rock guitar, for once. It's been a while. Bono with eye shadow.

Whitney Houston shows some leg while presenting Best R&B Album. This goes to...wait, a Clive Davis shoutout first...Jennifer Hudson, who I think is wearing a bib. Worst Grammy dress ever. God gets thanks!

The Rock intros a bunch of Grammy performers to get a cheap pop.

Justin Timberlake waxes nostalgic about Al Green. Amazingly, he then introduces the Reverend. We get JT and Al on lead, Keith Urban on guitar, Boyz II Men on backup vocals for "Let's Stay Together". C'mon, everyone. Let's hit those high notes!

The Mentalist introduces Coldplay. Chris Martin and piano are there. Then Jay-Z comes out for a verse that starts "Vida La Vida". And, of course, it's performed in an overly dramatic fashion.

Keith Urban says Gene Autry gets a Lifetime Achievement Award (LAA). He introduces Carrie Underwood. Not a good dress, but it does show those legs! She sings that hit that makes her act like a rocker. And the fans love it!

Sheryl Crow and LeAnne Rimes give Brenda Lee an LAA. They also present Best Vocal by a Duo or Group-Country. The usual suspects are nominated, but Sugarland wins for "Stay". I am not familiar with their work. They are a duo, it seems.

Al Green and some Brit (not Amy Winehouse) present Song of the Year. Who are these nominees? Oh, I recognize Coldplay. They win, of course, for "Vida La Vida", because they just played it.

Kid Rock appears. He has been on this show several years running. I think it's a message song he is singing, because there are lots of amens and US flags on the video screen. Then he sings a verse of "Sweet Werewolves of Alabama". After that, another song. This dude gets a medley? Something about a rock revival and he may even be a Rock and Roll Jesus. Ugh!

Next up. Those two young hussies, Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift, sing something slow. Even though they are BFFs, I bet they dislike each other. I think the page from "30 Rock" is playing mandolin. Best Pop Collaboration goes to Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. And, by God, they are there! Plant speaks for both of them.

Speaking of overly dramatic, Jennifer Hudson sings. And, as one would guess, a choir appears. My goodness, this must be an important song. A standing O sent her way.

Jason Mraz and Emily Proctor from "CSI:Miami" introduce the Jonas Brothers: Manny, Moe and Jack. They are accompanied by Stevie Wonder. They sing a crappy tune in which the Joni yell, "Hit it, Stevie" one too many times. I think Moe plays the conga drum like the professor in "The Visitor". All of a sudden, "Superstition" breaks out. Ironically, many Jonas Brothers fans believe in things they don't understand, like the quality of the band.

Blink 182 hand out Best Rock Album to Coldplay. Did I mention they are in the audience? BTW, Paul McCartney has now assumed the "Jack Nicholson of the Grammys" award. Best seat in the house. Ringo was last seen yelling at his postman. Peace and love.

Craig Ferguson brings out Katy Perry. I hear she kissed a girl once and liked it. What an odd production. You Tube videos of amateurs doing the song on the video screens. Large pieces of fruit. Alleged lesbian dancers. The look on the Jonas Brothers faces afterward spoke volumes.

Kanye West is next with his Vocal Duo of "All American Boy". He hands out Best New Artist to...Adele? She is a Brit and I am not familiar with her work. I imagine the Joni are pissed.

Morgan Freeman talks about "a man he's proud to call my friend". I'm thinking Andy Dufresne is gonna come on stage. But no, it's Kenny Chesney! Now there's a story begging to be told.

Sean Combs, Herbie Hancock and Natalie Cole present "Record of the Year". Your winner is "Please Read The Letter" by Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. Krauss silent again.

Queen Latifah tells us that Dean Martin gets an LAA. She then introduces the Rap Pack: Kanye West, Jay-Z, Lil Wayne and Red Buttons. A very pregnant M.I.A does the first part of "Swagger Like Us". I laughed earlier when they teased this as a Hip-Hop Summit. It's in black-and-white at first, then magically color appears at the end. OK, That was interesting.

Hey, now, it's the lovely Kate Beckinsale! Even though her BFF, Posh Spice, is now in Milan, she looks very nice. She introduces Macca. And Dave Grohl. Grohl is ON THE DRUMS! They play "I Saw Her Standin' There". So, I get to sing, "Whoo-o-o-o-o-o" and "I held her hand in mi-i-i-i-ine."

Jack Black and his father-in-law tell us that Hank Jones, a jazz pianist, gets an LAA. Best Male Pop Vocal goes to John Mayer for "Say". That record was crap, I'm here to say. "Say what you need to say" about 100 times.

Jay Mohr and L.L. Cool J tell us Sugarland and Adele will be performing next. "Stay" for the former, "Chasing Pavements" for the latter.

Gwyneth Paltrow, Mrs. Chris Martin, introduces Radiohead. They play "15 Steps" accompanied by the USC Band. Didn't USC win for "Tusk"? Anyhow, Thom Yorke is acting sufficiently Yorkey on the broadcast. Great job!

Samuel L. arrives. "Damn right, I'm right!" he says, talking about music. T.I. and Justin Timberlake with a duet. Can you say "Bathroom Break"? I realize that Grammy did away with the contest where an amateur performs at the Grammys. No wonder Timberlake and Grohl were allowed to do what they wanted this year.

The President of the Academy steps up and thankfully, he didn't insert himself into the commercial that he ran last year for a repeat performance in 2009. He introduces Smokey Robinson, who informs us The Four Tops won an LAA. Smokey, Ne-Yo, Jamie Foxx and an original Top do a medley of Four Tops hits. They actually rehearsed.

Josh Groban introduces a creepy-looking Neil Diamond who sings...wait for it..."Sweet Caroline". Hands touching hands and reaching out all over America. Big crowd reaction. You may be wondering why he is there. I think it was unannounced, but he is the MusicCares Artist of the Year.

Dead People Scroll ending with "Bo Diddley, Rock and Roll Pioneer". BB King, Keith Urban, John Mayer and unfortunately, someone I do not recognize, play "Bo Diddley", complete with the Bo Diddley Beat.

Lt. Dan lets us know Grammy hasn't forgotten Nawlins. Robin Thicke and Allen Touissant accompany Lil Wayne on a tribute.

Will.I.Am sends Obama a shoutout. Best Rap Album goes to Lil Wayne, who clicks his heels on the way out. He brings at least 12 people on stage with him. I assume family, although I am not sure. Not like they knew he was winning or anything, but they sure were lined up properly and quickly to join him on stage.

Is this thing over yet? No, the Blind Boys of Alabama get an LAA. Zooey Deschanel then introduces Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. They are accompanied by T-Bone Burnett on guitar. They also do a medley.

Green Day present Album of the Year to Robert Plant and Alison Krauss who weren't far away because they just performed. Krauss speaks this time. Robert Plant seemingly thanks everyone in the world.

Stevie Wonder closes out the show for no apparent reason. Only 30 minutes over this year. He'll be mad later when he finds out the closing credits were spoken over him.

Meal of Links

Michael Symon's place, Roast, is Detroit's Restaurant of the Year. Pictures included.

Jimmy Sturr, Grammy Powerhouse. He's up to 17 now. Skoal!

Kids and their dogs. Many cute pictures.

Once again, Washington is telling us they need to do something regarding the economy. Hence, the stimulus. Let's hope they do they it better than TARP I from last fall. Watched the Senate debate yesterday. It's like the South Pole arguing with the North Pole. I see no one looking for middle ground.

One less Judge Show. Maybe this one was too intelligent.

Is Castro dead yet? Uh, no.

The annual story on the ethics of selling Girl Scout cookies at the office. Let's be serious, you don't have to order any. But I always wondered about the kids who set up at Giant Eagle. What did they do to earn that advantage? BTW, I still have Pepppermint Joes left. No binge, thus far.

Eddie Izzard really wants to get political. Saw him last year and I think he's genius.

Exercise Yard

The Cavs lost their first game at home this season to the Lakers. But what was up with Phil Jackson's hair? Did he shower today or have a severe case of hat hair? Bottom line for the Cavs today was they played pretty subpar defense and LeBron James shot poorly. Not a good effort from him at all.

The Lakers are on a roll and win, 101-91.

Visitor

None, my lawn reappeared overnight.

Tonight, it's "Music's Biggest Night". Yep, it's the Grammy Awards from the Staples Center in LA. In HD.
















8:00: Hey, it's Francis Albert Sinatra talking about the Grammys. He's dead. However, he joins Alicia Keys in a duet on "Learnin' The Blues". He's in black and white. She's in color. So is the orchestra. I think I saw Yoko and Ringo in the same row in the crowd.

8:05: Carrie Underwood comes on and sings "Before He Cheats". Wow, talk about "pimping out", she looks hot. She has a band and what appears to be a "Chicks from Stomp" production going on. They have big sticks, so maybe it's "Chicks with Sticks". Ahem. Anyhow, it looks stupid.

8:09: Prince is on! Best R&B Female goes to, oddly enough, Alicia Keys for "No One". Prince takes off his shades and gives her the award. Mmmmm. I sense Appolicia in the future.















8:17: Jimmy Jam to say a few words. But a reunion of The Time has broken out. Omigod, Morris Day and Jerome Benton come out. I think Morris borrowed Prince's shades. Of course, it's "Jungle Love". "Oh-wee-oh-wee-oh". Jerome has found a mirror! I wonder if it's an original that he found in his garage. Rihanna follows with "Umbrella" and we have another production number featuring...umbrellas. Please don't stop the music seems to be the message. Morris finishes with a "Yay-es" and asks Rihanna if she has the time.

8:23: Tom Hanks inducts "The Band" as Lifetime Achievers. I love "The Band". Robbie Robertson in the house! Hanks then talks about The Beatles.

8:25:: Which evolves into a Beatles tribute. Crap, Cirque du Soleil. It's a "Day In The Life". "I saw these clowns today...I just had to laugh...I'd love to turn them off." Now we have some youth singing "Let it Be". An older lady gives it that unnecessary Gospel treatment. Kinda like next year at the inauguration when Patti Labelle sings "Hail to the Chief". Oooh, peace symbols at the end. Standing O.

8:34: Cyndi Lauper and Hannah Montana. Best New Artist goes to Amy Winehouse. Hey, they got that right.

8:35: Jason Bateman is outside the Staples Center. He tells us the Foo Fighters contest will be on soon. It's between two fiddlers and a cellist. I sense "The Pretender" is the song. He intros the conductor of My Grammy Moment Contest Winner Orchestra as "John Paul Jones... from Led Zeppelin...that's for the morons!" Hah!
















8:45: It's Kanye West channeling Kraftwerk. It appears he has a computer on his suit. He's got cool-looking white shades from the "Max Headroom" collection. Plus, we have fire like the Cavs games. Hey, it's Daft Punk helping out with the electronica. Next, Kanye ditches the glasses (and Daft Punk) and has a tribute to his Mom. No mention of George Bush.















8:52: Fergie with John Legend at the piano. They're former Grammy winners, you know. Why does Fergie look like Rene Russo all of a sudden? Of course, it's a ballad. Best Compilation Album goes to "Love". Sir George Martin and son bring Ringo up.

























9:03: Cher with her new face, introduces Beyonce, who is showing her legs. It's apparently a tribute to every black woman who has ever won a Grammy. Hey, it's Tina Turner! Ike who? His death has seemingly no effect. She hasn't lost much, I'd say. "What's Love Got To Do With It." You know, it's a second-hand emotion. She then goes into "You Better Be Good To Me". No Fixx reunion, though. Wait a minute, Tina doesn't move like she used to, that looked like Tom Jones right there. "Nice and easy". Uh-oh, you know what that means..."Proud Mary" with Beyonce. Standing O.

9:13: Nelly Furtado, former Grammy host Andy Williams, and someone I don't know, make Burt Bacharach an Achiever. It's Song of the Year and it goes to Amy Winehouse for "Rehab". Nice.





















9:20: The contest winner is a violinist. Here are the Foos with "The Pretender". At this precise time, Channel 19 rolls the school closings, taking me out of HD mode. Fockers! The Foos tonight, at least, are a 35-member unit with that orchestra.





















9:32: George Lopez intros the white-hatted Brad Paisley. I like him, he's rather harmless. I'm talkin' about Paisley.

9:37: Chris Brown, A-Kon and some chick give Best Pop Album to Kanye West. He turned the suit back on. He reminds everyone not to release an album when he does, because he will win every time. He is the man these days.


















9:42: Chris "Ludacris" Bridges inducts Cab Calloway as an Achiever. Why not just Ludacris anymore? Anyhow, it's a Gospel session. My God, Aretha Franklin is huge. Officially getting her clothes at Hamiltion Tent and Awning now. OK, everyone should know there is no school tomorrow, as 19 stops the closings and we are back in HD.

9:56: Carole King and Dierks Bentley tell us that Earl Scruggs is an Achiever. Leslie Feist comes on and starts counting. I decide to buy a 32MB iTouch during this performance. I been hypnotized! Of all songs to have no production number. Is that the Canadian Brass behind her? Nope, but it could be.

9:59: Louis Prima and Keely Smith via the Wayback Machine! Why can't someone have a Louis Prima Night? Keely Smith, a Grammy winner from 50 years ago, and Kid Rock sing "That Old Black Magic" or something like it, with Dave Koz on sax. Man, this is a creepy pairing. Where is Andy Williams, couldn't he sing with Kid Rock? Anyhow, Best Rock Album goes to Foo Fighters. Not a surprise...THEY PERFORMED! Why do you think Amy Winehouse is on via the big bird? Dave Grohl with a nice speech.

10:11: The increasingly weird Stevie Wonder, with harmonica, appears. Barry Gordy is an Industry Icon. Is that the same or better than being an Achiever? Alicia Keys is back to sing "No One". She is getting lots of air time this evening. John Mayer, without a VW, plays guitar late on the song.


















10:17: Ringo Starr and Eurhythmic Dave Stewart, with Prince's shades. Best Country Album goes to the non-performing Vince Gill. "I've just had an award given to me by a Beatle. Have you had that happen yet, Kanye?" Choice!

10:25: Itzhak Perlman and Max Roach are granted Achievement status by Joe Mantegna. Of course, we have Herbie Hancock and is it Lang-Lang? Why no Yo-Yo Ma? Why no T-Bone? Anyhow, they proceed to tinkle their respective ivories on "Rhapsody In Blue". I proceed to book a flight on United during this performance.

10:33: Who are these ding-dongs presenting Rap/Sung Collaboration? Jay-Z and Rihanna for "Umbrella". Shut up! Didn't see that coming. Damn 19 has been running those school closings for a while again. WTF?

10:41: Cuba Gooding, wearing Amy Winehouse's underwear, intros Amy via satellite from London. I get to sing along with that instant classic, "I'm No Good". Oh, we get a bonus track, "Rehab". With all of her publicity lately, give her credit for singing this and the Grammys for allowing it. I'm sure she'll pick up a Tanqueray off camera.
















10:47: Natalie Cole and that shrinking Achiever, Tony Bennett. They intro Doris Day as an Achiever. Doris Freakin' Day. Morris Day comes out by mistake. "Once I had a secret love...". Anyhow, Record of the Year goes to Amy Winehouse for "Rehab". I'm back in HD. The crowd shouts "Amy!". "To my incarcerated Blake", she says. They can't get out of that feed quick enough. Let's party!

10:57: The Recording Academy CEO talks about all the good they do. You know, Music Cares, the Grammy Museum, they want to be comped for radio airplay, as well. Grammy, not just an award show. Hey, Beldar is playing an Oscar Peterson tune. Naw, it's Eldar. It's the Dead Person Honor Roll!

11:03: They end with Pavarotti and some guy intros a tribute to him and all the other dead people. Josh Groban helps with the honors as the other guy sings, too.
















11:12: Bonnie Raitt brings us John Fogerty, Little Richard and Jerry Lee Lewis. Fogerty sings a verse of one of his songs and can still rock. Jerry Lee actually sings "Great Balls Of Fire".

Elvis: "Jerry Lee, do you think I sing the Devil's music?"
Jerry Lee: "Son, you ARE the Devil."

When he sings, "Kiss me, baby" though, it just does not seem the same.

Little Richard kicks ass on "Good Golly Miss Molly". Fogerty helps with Verse 2, but I'm tellin' ya, Little Richard is pretty strong here.

Other Grammy winners just in: Barack Obama and The Flight of the Conchords!

11:27: Usher and Quincy Jones present the final award of the night. Album of the Year. It goes to Herbie Hancock for "River: The Joni Letters". Did this vote count take place in New Mexico? Kanye West should go up there and beat the shit of someone. Seriously. I'm sure it's a fine album, but come on. And on that note, the evening ends with a buzzkill.

All the winners!

Meal of Links

Hillary dumps her campaign manager. On a strange note, a Nobel laureate says if Obama is elected, he will also be assassinated. Well, that's confidence in the electorate.

Don't the Cavs salary cap issues make you wanna puke? They couldn't even trade for Jason Alexander this year with this bunch. We're gonna have to dance with the one who brung us.

I like caramels, too.

Exercise Yard

Boxing has been a bit lame thus far in '08. But HBO took over the schedule and two pretty good bouts on "Boxing After Dark" last night. In the first, one of my faves, Andre Berto, took on Michel Trabant in the Welterweight division. Berto made him quit on his stool after the sixth. Berto emptied the arsenal with Trabant, hitting him with almost every punch known to man, including some exceptional uppercuts.

In the main event at Welterweight, it was Carlos Quintana against Paul "The Punisher" Williams, the champ. Unfortunately for Williams, he fought more like Paul "The Songwriter" Williams. He just didn't have it. Quintana dominated the first two rounds and consistently beat the champ to the punch. It went the distance, which always brings that pit to my stomach. There's that old convention that you have to KO a champ to take his title and that would have been very unfair to Quintana. He was the better fighter and deservedly won a unnanimous decision.

It starts a good stretch of boxing with Pavlik-Taylor 2 next week and a Klitschko fight later in the month. Then we have Marquez and Pacquiao again in March. And last week, the publicity machine started for Calzaghe-Hopkins for their April bout in Vegas.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

We're looking live at the Staples Center in Los Angeles for the 49th Grammy Awards. In HD by Sony. I have Diet IBC at the ready, some sort of Boboli Construct pizza going on, and Sun Chips, just in case. The Police (or Scrantonicity) are supposed to kick it off, and, by God, there they are.

8:00 "We are the Police...and we're back!" The red light is switched on as "Roxanne" is heard. Sting has some sort of odd haircut, I think. Stewart Copeland is really getting into it. Andy Summers...eye work done? Echo effect going on, long instrumental break to prove they can still play. That's it? One song? All that hype for that?

8:04 Jamie Foxx is on and says a stupid Po-lice joke involving Snoop and the 405. He admits that would have killed on BET. Is this Pop Vocal Collaboration? Yes. Tony Bennett and Stevie Wonder win. You have got to be kidding me. Shakira and her hips were robbed. "Stevie Wonder-ful", says Tony. Stevie has no comeback, as even a blind man can tell "Tony Bennett-ful" makes no sense. Tony gives a shoutout to Target. Hah!

8:09 Joan Baez is still breathing. Who's next on this show, Little Richard? Sounds like the Dixie Chicks are gonna perform. Hey, it's the Chili Peppers drummer. I dig the Crosseyed Chick, and she accomodates by showing thigh.

8:15 Penelope Cruz shows off her eyelashes in an ad. Honestly, mine are better and I don't work at it. "And I'm worth it."

8:18 Prince is on and says, "One word...Beyonce." She picks a song to which she doesn't shake her ass. Bring on Shakira and her hips! She has ten strings playing behind her. I realize I don't know what's above a septet. "Group of ten" or "Almost a Baker's Dozen, sort of."? I'm stumped.

8:21 The Black-Eyed Peas are on. Fergie has developed the phony accent, like Kathleen Turner or Madonna. Best R&B Album goes to (Lionel Ritchie was nominated, sheesh) Mary J. Blige. God gets a shoutout and Mary thanks the entire world by name.

8:26 Queen Latifah strolls on and may have eaten all the pizzas in LA tonight. She announces some sort of "Grammy Idol" contest" Good God! One of three women get to sing a duet with Timberlake. This is an affront of the highest proportion.

8:33 J.T. is on. Janet Jackson is not. He is at the piano, which is basically for performer ego's sake by demonstrating "I am talented." Satisfying that ego even more, he has a handheld camera so we get to see his mug up close. Quit staring at me!

8:38 It's Pink and T.I. Could Pink sound any less enthusiastic talking about The Doors, an achievement winner. T.I. proves he's urban by announcing the Female R&B Vocalist winner, Mary J. Blige. Mary keeps it short this time, but thanks Jesus.

8:46 It's Stevie again and guess what? He sings part of his intro and this act of his is getting way too old. Does it every time. He brings out John Legend, John Mayer and...Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. No, it's Corinne Bailey Rae. Next! Legend is OK, and Mayer shows his guitar skills.

8:58 Hey, it's Sunday and Aguilera is clothed. What happened to "Naked Sundays"? Pop Album Vocal goes to John Mayer for "Continuum". He keeps it short. "Grammy Idol" blows. Pick the best-looking one and move on. Whoa, 62 minutes to vote.

9:05 Shakira and her hips are on with Wyclef Jean. What is she doing? Yes! Shaking her entire body. My pen just melted. Wyclef keeps grabbing his crotch and quite frankly, I think about grabbing mine. This is CBS, right? I think I just witnessed an international incident.

9:08 To appeal to the young viewers, Burt Bacharach and Seal talk about Alpert and Moss, as A&M Records gets an award. Song of the Year goes to the Dixie Chicks. Dan Wilson is apparently a Dixie Guy. Crosseyed Chick sends a producer shoutout to Rick Rubin. Oddly, they take a lot of time and are not rushed off the stage. Mmmmm.

9:18 Two "How I Met Your Mother" actresses talk about The Grateful Dead. Were they even born then? Gnarls Barkley come out and do a subdued version of "Crazy". I believe I hear Kanye West's drum corps from last year as accompaniment. They are dressed in pilot uniforms in some sort of "Snakes on a Plane" tribute, I guess.

9:23 Speaking of Kanye, he's on now. Rap Album goes to Ludacris, who thanks more people than Mary J. Blige. Oprah (because she hates hip-hop) and even Bill O'Reilly (because he helped get Ludacris removed from a Pepsi ad) get shoutouts.

9:33 Urban "Crash" guy talks about Maria Callas, an award winner. Maria could not attend, so they showed Quentin Tarantino. WTF? Mary J. Blige sings and I get a bathroom break.

9:39 Luke Wilson, Lee Ann Rimes, and someone else introduce Country Album. It goes to the Dixie Chicks. More shoutouts to Rick Rubin and the Crosseyed Chick admits they are genreless, so why the Country award?

9:48 Reba introduces Carrie Underwood and Rascal Flatts. They are honoring Bob Wills and Don Henley. I actually have a couple of Bob Wills' Texas Swing discs. Ray Benson, of course, and a Texas Playboy fiddler accompany Carrie on "San Antonio Rose" and she does a kick ass job on it. Rascal Flatts sings "Hotel California". Yawn. Hey, I'm a Glenn Frey guy, what do I know? Underwood comes back with "Desperado", not "Wit-chay Woman". Rascal Flatts comes back with "Life In The Fast Lane".

10:00 Keeping with the youth movement, Ornette Coleman and Natalie Cole introduce the Best New Artist. Coleman is the only achievement winner to speak, thus far. The Best New Artist is Carrie Underwood. Her album seems at least five years old. God gets thanked, of course.

10:08 Samuel L. and Christina Ricci introduce some R&B folks. For me, nothing screams rhythm and blues quite like Christina Ricci. Smokey Robinson sings "Tracks of My Tears", one of my favorites. He still has it. Looks weird, but still has the chops. Lionel Ritchie sings "Hello". Perhaps, the millionth time I've turned it off. Is he Taste of Cleveland-worthy yet? Chris Brown, not the Tennessee Titan, sings something I am not familiar with, but the crowd digs it. "It's a Man's World", I guess in a tribute to James Brown, comes next.

10:25 President of Recording Academy comes on. We have a young urban pianist and a young Asian violinist to prove that not all of the youngsters are into hip-hop. Hey, Grammy Camp! If Shakira was a Grammy Camp Counselor, I'd sign up to be the bus driver. Music is important, so get out there and vote or whatever he told us to do.

10:28 List of Dead People. I heard applause for Syd Barrett, Buck Owens, Levert, Ruth Brown, Freddy Fender, Billy Preston and James Brown. James was last and one of his valets robbed his grave and draped an original cape over the microphone stand, to the applause of many. Years ago, SNL had a skit where you could pay to see Elvis's Coat on tour. I am on the floor right now.

10:38 Rihanna and David Spade. "David Bowie and Iman could not be here tonight, so they called us." Why is Ludacris yelling at me? Mary J. Blige is helping out with Earth, Wind and Fire on music. I realize I have not seen an award in a while.

10:43 James Blunt goes for a cheap pop by dedicating his performance of "You're Beautiful" to Ahmet Ertegun. Some in the crowd oblige. Blunt makes me wish Ludacris was still yelling at me.

10:52 I am really getting annoyed with Jennifer Hudson, who introduces "Grammy Idol"! First song is "Ain't No Sunshine" with Timberlake. I think Timberlake would make me look good on stage, he is doing no fancy dance moves and this girl is no dancer. Wait a minute, some other random hip-hop guy comes out to help out. This is offensive to me, as several established acts have had less air time this evening. Bah!

10:58 Tony Bennett and Quentin Tarantino give out Record of the Year. Bennett does the Uma Dance! Tarantino is high, BTW. Bennett says the Dixie Chicks win. Crosseyed Chick gives Rick Rubin another shoutout. Weird Engineer guy is wearing a tie over a sweater as his Grammy outfit.

11:08 Chris Rock gets bleeped as he introduces the Red Hot Chili Peppers. RHCP does "Snow", you know, "Hey Oh". Frusciante is wearing a tie. Big sign on the amps reads "Love to Ornette Coleman". I do not believe "Ornette" is being used as a verb, but it's a shoutout from Flea. Flea is in some weird Lakers outfit, like he came from the set of "Dodgeball" or something. Hey, it's snowing in the Staples Center. Major confetti. I mean it makes conventions look silly. Big cleanup and a really good version of the song tonight.

11:13 Speaking of conventions, it's Al Freakin' Gore and Queen Latifah! It's not easy being green. What do you think was the last record Al Gore bought? Best Rock Album is their award. Shocking. Another performer, RHCP, wins for "Stadium Arcadium". Rick Rubin with another shoutout.

11:23 My favorite, Don Henley, and Scarlett Johansson give out Album of the Year. Nominee Flea changed his outfit! This is unusual, the Dixie Chicks win again. Weird Engineer guy is back.

11:27 Scarlett bids us adieu and next year, it's Grammy Number 50!

Meal of Links

I did not go to England to see the Queen today, but I went to the Cinemark this afternoon to see "The Queen". It was a Stephen Frears movie and he did an excellent job once more, although the "People's Princess" also made quite a few appearances in this one. The story takes place in the days right after Diana's death. Christ, were people out of control on that one. I was more like Prince Philip, "Don't these people have lives?". Helen Mirren is a shoo-in for an Oscar (she and the film just took BAFTAs home), you can book that. And she had some wise words for Mr. Blair on popularity, as it turned out. Plus, the movie clocked in at about a 100 minutes, and there were actually ten people in the audience. So, the audience total of the last four movies I've seen is 21. No wonder it's $8.25 for a medium butter and a medium Pibb, and no, I still don't upgrade to a large.

Another method of downloading TV shows. In case you missed a DVR opportunity.

Speaking of John Jett, as I was about a week ago, "Bad Reputation" got picked up by TLC for the "American Chopper" show. The video is on YouTube amongst other outlets.

Exercise Yard

I wasn't thrilled too much by the Mosley-Collazo fight on HBO last night. A real yawner. "Sugar" Shane was way ahead on all cards and the announce crew didn't have much to say about the current fight. Lots of yammering about Mosley's old fights and could he get together with Mayweather. Ugh!

Becks scoring a goal yesterday against an apparently blind goalkeeper was infinitely more exciting:



Maybe that guy should have called the fight.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.