Yeah, I know. FIGJAM won the Masters. The over-the-top rooting for the guy by CBS always dampers the event for me. Lee Westwood, for one, bore the brunt of the ignorance since the implausible eagle-eagle-birdie run by Phil on Saturday. When Peter Kostis, who I really like, said this, "Lee Westwood is like a heavyweight champ who just got hit with two roundhouse rights and is dazed right now..." I was in pain. Ahem. First of all, Westwood had been playing swimmingly and had only one bogey at the time and secondly, HE WAS STILL LEADING THE TOURNAMENT! And still had the lead after 54 holes.

I get it. FIGJAM's popular for reasons I don't get. I mean the guy aligns himself with ExxonMobil, (you know, he's a tinkerer) and that's like rooting for the devil. So, there are enough people cheering for him without members of the broadcast team chipping in.

Meal of Links

There is a movement about for a Bad Baseball Hall of Fame. There has to be one Indian who stands out, no? Someone who showed up and stayed around even though they sucked. Jack Heidemann?

Fox affiliates say no to Conan. I don't think it'll happen.

Lots of R's want Zack Space's seat. I had a guy yesterday at the Giant Eagle see my bumper sticker so he decided to make a crack about President Obama. This was an Angry Guy who was making a scene at the self-checkout, so my motto was "self-preservation" and I let it go. Speaking of Anger, check out the photo of one guy running.

Exercise Yard

Hey, they're starting to pick on Windy in NYC. Author says it's a joke.

Visitor

None, on a cool Masters Sunday.

The Derek Anderson Era is over. Then he went all Sean Penn on the way out. Not sure what to make of it all, as I kinda liked the guy. But the NFL highway is littered with guys who get 15-20 starts (in D.A.'s case, 34), some with early success, and then they just seem to fade away.

But it's better to burn out than fade away.

Which leads us to the Seneca Wallace Era. I don't mind Wallace as he knows how to run the offense. Not Brian Daboll's offense, mind you, but Mike Holmgren's offense. All I can say is, we better have a starter prepared to run this offense. I don't want Brady Quinn or someone of his ilk learning this offense from a guy (Daboll) they admit is taking a crash course in learning this offense.

I see way too many times during a game this upcoming season where Holmgren will say, "Why did he call that play at that time?".

Meal of Links

The easiest way to make a timeline. Ryan Garko in the outfield would be a good one.

NPR has the White Stripes live. DVD out next week.

Time catches up with Chelsea Handler. She is always funny.

Many have asked for it and now here it is. The Hall and Oates tribute by The Bird and the Bee.

Coco does good. Even Larry King gravy trains.

Why pick on Bob Barker? Now? Old '70s clips.

Exercise Yard

Speaking of timelines, the epitome of the Sports Bathroom Break. Water usage in Edmonton during the Gold Medal Hockey Game at the Olympics.

Visitor

33 Down: Cosmetician Lauder (5 letters) Answer: Estee (She lived til she was 97)

Conan says, "No effin' way!". Even Richard Nixon knew the value of a good talk show host.








































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Is swine flu a scam? Leading health expert says it was a "false pandemic" and made billions for drug companies.

I've thought about this ad a lot. Domino's Pizza seems to really hate their product. Or, I guess, their former product.

Bordain talks about the new season of "No Reservations". He quit smoking, would eat Giada's food and cannot stand Sandra Lee.

Pee-wee is back.

If you watch too much TV, you'll die. Looks like I gotta cancel that football watching this weekend.

Jacques Demers is now a Canadian Senator. Huh?

Could you ever imagine getting a letter like this? A response from John Kricfalusi, the "Ren & Stimpy" creator.

Voiceover in film. All the ones you think would be included are present.

Exercise Yard

Some Mark McGwire stuff. Oh, MLB will accept this "apology" while most of us wonder what the hell is McGwire is talking about. Really, there are statements he made that are downright laughable.

Visitor

59 Across: Baseball's Big Papi (10 letters) Answer: David Ortiz

Seems to me, it was another record-setting crowd at Polka Happy Hour at The Happy Dog last night. I think the limited menu is resulting in more drinking. A rather festive crowd was there yesterday and we found ourselves sitting at the bar.

BTW, my Dad got a new TV today. It was the Vizio VO320E 32-inch HD LCD TV. Looks cool, weighs not so much, rates high and Sam's Club was selling them for $338. A steal. Costco also has them for that price, but won't sell Coke products. Mmmmm.

Meal of Links

Speaking of electronics, here is a heads-up for Black Friday. BTW, the Vizio TV we got today is in a Black Friday ad for Sears and is selling for $349. Sleep in and go to Sam's or Costco. Or travel to IKEA for some free breakfast, Friday through Sunday.

Here are all of your Holiday Specials and Marathons. G4 on Turkey Day has "Big Trouble in Little China", hah! What the hell is this: "Larry the Cable Guy's Hula-palooza Christmas Luau" on CMT. Good grief.

Movie. Buttered popcorn. Medium soda. Equals 3 McDonald's hamburgers. Get a small ICEE instead!

The Best Music of the Decade. They did a good job on this one. You are starting to see more of the same records pop up on these lists.

Dog heaven, perhaps?

If marijuana was taxed, look at those tax revenues. Ohio would rank 5th, based on current production.

Palin's book tour in Indiana. FAIL.

Ricky Jay talks about his career. Love that guy.

Tim Goodman thinks it may be a good idea for Conan go to a different network. Probably not a bad idea.

Exercise Yard

More soccer match fixing in Europe. These guys never learn.

Visitor

53 Across: Rhodes with a scholarship (5 letters) Answer: Cecil

The White Stripes (looks like Meg might be pregnant) closed out Conan (who says, "That meant the world to me.") last night with one of my favorites "We're Going To Be Friends":



Sometimes, you just know.

Meal of Links

Catching up with Robert Smith. No, not that Robert Smith. This Robert Smith. The one from The Cure.

Jeff Dunham is now the most popular comedian in the U.S. I know who he is, but I've never seen his act.

Wow, here's a name from the past. Chandra Levy. Somewhere, Richard Jewell sends down a beer to Gary Condit.

Shaq's on Twitter. So is Chris Bosh. Not me, though.

Exercise Yard

If you have several minutes...The Quest for G (that means many Holy Grail references)!



Actually, pretty well done. Garnett is becoming quite the actor. I must say, Ego had me on the floor.

Visitor

26 Down: Alternative to newspaper classifieds (10 letters) Answer: Craigslist

I was touting XM again and now news is breaking out they will file bankruptcy. It's those insane deals from Sirius for Stern and the NFL. Stern has one year left and I'm sure he'll head back to terrestrial radio then, because satellite won't renew him at his current rate. But that NFL deal, wow! Because what out-of-towners LISTEN to their favorite teams on the radio? That's why Sunday Ticket exists.

I understand XM's deal with MLB is exorbitant, as well. But people still listen to baseball on the radio, I'm guessing. Anyhow, we'll see how long it lasts. They gotta sell more cars to get more subscribers.

Meal of Links

Mr. Skin has the nominations for the Anatomy Awards. I'm guessing Anna Faris and Marisa Tomei win.

The White Stripes play Conan's last show on February 20. That's next Friday and get the DVRs ready.

8 Bizarre Sexual Fetishes. Lemme say this, objectophilia is really bizarre.

America's Worst Allies. Just begging for a miniseries or reality show.

Exercise Yard

It seems that Robbie Alomar's ex-girlfriend is suing him, allegedly because he has AIDS. People say he was at the closing of Shea Stadium last fall and looked fine. So, who knows?

Visitor

27 Across: Oklahoma Sooners rival (14 letters) Answer: Texas Longhorns

The last time I vomited was a long time ago. From a gyro. I went several years without eating them, but reintroduced myself to them within the last couple of years. They are a gouty food, so I have to be careful, I guess.

But that did not prevent me from getting a Jumbo today at Famous Gyro George. I'm still not sure if a guy named George made a Gyro that became Famous, or if George makes a Famous Gyro, or if Gyro George became Famous. To paraphrase Vincent Vega, "I don't know if it was worth seven dollars, but it was pretty fuckin' good."

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Didn't know it, but Airbuses (Airbi?) have a device called a ditch switch. Keeps the plane afloat by not letting the water in.

Matt Taibbi with another gem. This time he skewers Thomas Friedman. His graph, "Size of Valerie Bertinelli’s Ass, 1985-2008, vs. Happiness" made me laugh really hard.

Terry Gilliam can't get Don Quixote out of his head. Back to work on that movie again. If you ever see "Lost in La Mancha" on your TV guide, watch it.

Exercise Yard

Conan O'Brien really does hate Cletus, the Fox NFL robot.



I don't mind Cletus when he does football stuff. Although, two things bugged me this year. When he and the Burger King were on together, that was hard to take. And I do agree with Conan, his sudden penchant for dancing is quite the mystery.

Visitor

40 Across: Cheryl's "Charlie's Angels" role (4 letters) Answer: Kris

Last night, Drew and I headed over to O's. Gotta go to O's. When you arrive at Cedar Center going west on Cedar, that Whole Foods Market and parking garage have practically engulfed all of the landscape over there. It's kinda scary. Last night they had andouille florentine as the soup of the day. My God, was that good. And, of course, there was beer.

I don't think Drew and I solved the issues of the world, but we touched on many topics. I wondered about priests on airplanes. Do they wear their collars? We decided: Business, yes. Vacation, no. That evolved into a discussion about priests on an airplane that's about to crash. My question is that if you're goin' down and you know there is a priest in your row, when is the appropriate time to start making your last confession. I think the guy is going to get lots of requests, if things look bleak. My take is you have to turn the iPod off ("What? We're crashing?") and make the first move and say, "Padre. Last rites. Let's go!". None of this "Make sure the children are taken care of, before proceeding with your own" stuff. Then if he didn't have water, could he crush a peanut on your forehead for those last rites? Or throw it at you. It's probably something we should all know.

Then we saw Paul McCartney was taking up with some chick and we decided we could kick his ass quite easily in a fight. Which led to if you had to fight a Beatle, how would you fare? Now, I am talking Beatles in their prime, not present day, as two of them wouldn't answer the bell for Round 1, as we know. And we are not talking about a boxing match, this would be in the no-holds-barred category.

John Lennon: Didn't he used to carry a switchblade. But then became a peace monger. But, back in the day, we decided Lennon would kick our ass. Probably more on principle, than any size ratios or eye gouge capability. The Daily Racing Form Comment: Savaged.

George Harrison: Kind of a wiry fellow. We decided that we would win. Oh, you know you'd be in a battle, probably be bloodied perhaps injured, but would win by enough of a margin that he would give up. The more I think of it, you'd shake his hand, say "Well done!", and proceed to a pub with him. DRF Comment: Fully Extended.

Ringo Starr: No question, we would prevail. Oh, it would be boring, because you know you would eventually win. You'd suffer maybe a scratch or two, but nothing serious, before opening a can of whoop ass on him. DRF Comment: Wore Down Rivals.

Paul McCartney: Minimal effort and no surprise the beatdown on this guy would happen very quickly. Absolutely no contest. DRF Comment: Failed to Menace.

Drew had to bring up the topic of monkeys. You know my credo: "Monkeys make me laugh. Monkeys in clothes make me laugh harder." Sure enough, as we were leaving, a CDW commercial with a monkey was on. Then, of course, there's always Whiplash!



Meal of Links

I visited Marc's today. You know it's the place where you need two cans of beef broth and $40 later, you leave. But there is an Ice Cream Alert: Pierre's pints for $1.25 for another week or so. That's not too bad.

Hey, it's a twofer. First, I find that Conan O'Brien has a stalker who happens to be a priest. And then a Bowie mugshot.

I normally do not watch "30 Rock". But tonight's episode was very funny.

Exercise Yard

11 free agents are named in the Mitchell Report. It seems that this revelation should be bigger news. There is the possibility that a guy you sign might be suspended. Here is the free agent list.

Visitor

41 Across: Acting family name (8 letters) Answer: Redgrave