So, I'm back from Hawaii and slowly getting in touch with the real world. I went to brunch at Johnny Mango to get in the NEO mode. They have a brunch on all Holidays.

But news does travel across the Pacific, so I know that Dick Cheney went on a shooting spree and Albert Belle was stalking an ex-girlfriend. The problem is nobody cares, because you are in Hawaii. It's like "Hey, Cheney shot some guy, let's go to the beach." Although, the weathermen treat the threat, mind you, the mere threat of rain, as Tanchak would treat a snowflake. With panic. Very strange. We decided most people stick their heads out the window to figure it out.

Hawaii was great, BTW. Here is where all of us stayed. The owner lived next door and was a bit of a character. But it was roomy and was close to the beach and convenient to most everything.

Trip didn't start so well as Best Friend not only spilled most of a diet soda on me, but also vomited on me (motion sickness) during the ride over. Then the first step outside happens and a light shower comes down. But it was great weather for the most part and we did all the things you are supposed to do. And we ate well, oh yes we did. First thing we did was sign up for the FoodLand card to get cheaper stuff, because it's kinda expensive, although I'm sure you knew that.

Places we visited for chow:

Haleiwa Joe's. I had the blackened cajun-grilled ahi sammie.

Panda Cuisine for one helluva dim sum.

Ocean House at Waikiki. I had Wok Fried Crab Cakes, a Lobster Skewer and a whole fish that I think was moi, but maybe something else. Really good.

Romy's Shrimp Truck. A definite stop on the way to the North Shore. And a steal. I had the spicy. It doesn't look like much, but it's great.

Ted's Bakery. This has landmark status on the North Shore. Lots of surfer traffic. But they have the best chocolate haupia pie, which we did not have. We opted for, get this, Pineapple Macadamia Nut Cheesecake. Omigod. A beautiful piece of bakery.

Dave's Ice Cream. I went to the Waimanalo location for some Banana Fudge. Coma set in 15 minutes later.

And we did all the touristy stuff. The Pro Bowl, but the game sucked. The North Shore. A really incredible place where you can eat like a pig, see Botanical Gardens, go in the water with real live turtles. Pearl Harbor, which is, on one hand pretty solemn, but also incredibly interesting to me. The drive around Diamond Head with the blowhole was pretty cool. That whole drive, the "scenic route" to Waikiki from the east is full of places to stop. The Ala Moana shopping mall is another place loaded with stores. I even stopped at the Lush store to pick up a couple of items.

All in all, a great time. I didn't drink that much, either. Only every day I was there. Our group was 0-for-1 on sunsets and 1-for-6 on sunrises (I was the only one to make Day One's attempt and I was late by 5 minutes. Everyone on the beach told me how great it was. We saw one on Friday. Thankfully.) because of the clouds.

Flights in both directions landed an hour early. No leis off the plane, unless you are in a tour group. Coming back was brutal. I cannot sleep on a plane and fidgeted for 7 hours. Then, after a 5-hour layover, the flight from Chicago to here was delayed because they didn't know how to handle the largest motorized wheelchair I had ever seen. We took off about an hour late while we sat on the plane for that deal.

Meal of Links

Of course, I have seen some of the Olympics. I wonder what happened to that guy with the cowbell who always used to be at the starting gate for the alpine skiing events. I wanna be that guy. Or the other guy up there who used to scream, "Ai-ai-ai-ai-ai-ai!" Have you seen that Short Track chaos? Or what about that Chinese pair that skated to "Kashmir"? That was a jolt. The coolest was that snowboarding one with four of them out there at once. That was nuts. Here is where to check the results. The time difference in Hawaii leads to around-the-clock coverage. They delay their primetime coverage to their primetime. After Lampley does his late night thing, you can switch over to USA or MSNBC and their live coverage for the next day is not delayed, so you can immediately pick it up again.

NBC tells some websites to stop playing "Lazy Sunday" from SNL. That sucks. Double True.

Curt Gowdy died. I always liked Curt, even though many people thought he rooted for the Bengals when they played the Browns. When I went to Miami, all the Bengals fans told me he rooted for the Browns. So, he must have been good.

Exercise Yard

Andy Murray. Britain's newest star.

Visitor

54 Down: President between Tyler and Taylor (4 letters) Answer: Polk

Still trying to recover from seeing Sly on the Grammys the other day. Wanted to let everyone know I am heading west for a while. See you around President's Day. Aloha.

I tuned in to that never-disappointing televison event, The 2006 Grammy Awards. Let's get the inventory. We have Green Tea by Sobe Lean, HDTV by Sony, snack items include Red Vines, Sour Cream and Onion Pringles and Organic Corn Chips (Hey, they were on sale). Here we go:

8:00: It's Madonna and Gorillaz. I hear "Feels Good", I see Gorillaz, but no Madonna. Great thing about a cartoon band, they travel cheap. De La Soul are there live and they are screaming way too loud. But wait, there's more! There she is and she's shakin' it. A lot. She looks like she got her outfit from the Flash Gordon Outlet. Christ, Madonna is still gettin' it done.

8:07 Pan of audience. I recognized not one person. They run down the list of folks appearing. I like the name John Legend.

8:09 Stevie Wonder and Alicia Keys. Stevie makes blind jokes! They duet on an a cappella version of "Higher Ground". Mercifully, it's short. Best Female Vocal: Kelly Clarkson. That's a bad omen for the rest of the evening.

8:15 Coldplay comes on and Chris Martin looks suspiciously like Dr. House. It's a pleasant enough tune. Martin goes into the crowd and basically runs around like a dork.

8:20 John Legend gets mentioned again.

8:25 It's John Legend in wonderful black & white. What is this, an Oz tribute? I have an HDTV, CBS! Ah, there's the color. Doesn't help the song, however.

8:29 It's Best New Artist nominee, Sugarland. Don't they have three albums out? I hear voices. Ha, the guitarist's mike is dead.

8:31 Big and Rich (WTF?) come out to mention Merle Haggard wins the Lifetime Award. Best Country Album goes to underwhelming crowd favorite...Alison Krauss. Applause died quickly on that one.

8:40 U2 with "Vertigo". It's been 2 months since I've seen them. Adam Clayton looks scarily like Alec Guinness. Crap, I spit out my chips as they show Jenna Elfman standing and applauding. Next song is "One", because it's plastered all over the top of the stage in many languages. Mary J. Blige channels Patti LaBelle and ruins the song.

8:40-something Noted hispster Matt Dillon is out to present the Best Rap Album. Actually, Ludacris helps him out and mentions David Bowie gets one of them there Lifetime Awards. The award goes to Kanye West, who has a shout out to John Legend, and thanks his publicist and says that's a tough job. I laughed.

8:56 Kelly Clarkson sings. Bathroom break.

9:00 Gwen Stefani and Green Day Guy are on stage for Best Rock Album. U2 wins in a big upset, considering they just performed. Tony Bennett applauds. The Edge has a better speech then Bono. Even Bono says, "Good man, the Edge" in the background.

9:08 Ellen comes out. Well, she's been out. It's the Macca, Paul McCartney with his first performance at the Grammys. I think it was 42 years ago this month, that the Beatles appeared on Sullivan. Dave Grohl with affirmation. For the second song, he chooses...Omigod, it's "Helter Skelter"! I almost spit up a Red Vine. Great choice, since they are in L.A. Manson with affirmation.

9:17 Black Eyed Peas and Jennifer Love and her Hewitts are on stage. Chris Blackwell gets a Trustees Award. Guess who wins Best R&B Male Vocal? Why, it's John Legend.

9:26 Mariah Carey is singing. She's had an incredible comeback this year. She celebrates by not wearing any underwear. She has a dude dressed in black in the audience quoting things, perhaps scripture. His robes remind me of the Spanish Inquisition guys from Monty Python.

9:32 Teri Hatcher is wearing underwear, because I can see it. Michael Buble is her escort. I hate the guy and I don't even know who he is. I can tell I hate his music, and I'd give anything to hear Richard Clayderman right now. Pop Vocal Album goes to Kelly Clarkson. Has she changed her outfit? She thanks God and Jesus, who always seems to be on the short end of these things.

9:40 My personal long national nightmare, Jenna Elfman, tells us Owen Bradley wins a Trustees Award and then introduces Keith Urban and Faith Hill. Their songs are OK, but I'd give anything to hear Loretta Lynn right now.

9:47 Chris Brown (who?) and Santana are on stage. Santana mumbles the guy's name who gets a President's Award. Best Rap/Sung Collaboration is "Numb/Encore", now that's what I'm talkin' about. A most excellent choice of what a mash-up should be. Linkin Park Guy talks, Jay-Z declines, but he has the hardware.

9:56 Dave Chappelle comes on and introduces someone who left show business 19 years ago. One of my all-time faves, it's Sly Stone!!! But wait, he's not on stage. Did they call that guy Manhunt, Van Hunt or Mike Hunt? Hey, it's John Legend. Again. And Joss Stone. They sing "Family Affair". Fantasia and some guy join the group for another song. Maroon 5 and Ciara sing "Everyday People". I'm waiting for Cynthia on the horn or Larry Graham to show up. Some guy named Will I Am, not Sam I Am, sings "Dance to the Music". I swear Randy Jackson is playing bass back there. Steven Tyler, Joe Perry, and Robert Randolph absolutely butcher "I Wanna Take You Higher". Here comes Sly! Holy fuck, he has a yellow mohawk and looks like a cross between Antonio Fargas and Scatman Crothers behind his shades. Sly is barely singing. Is he really playing keyboards? It appears his hand is taped or he borrowed the Missing Persons chick's directions to the crack house. OK, now he's leaving. Has he just screwed the Grammys and CBS? Bring on the lawyers. An incredibly bizarre appearance.

10:13 L.L. Cool J. gives a Lifetime Award to Robert Johnson. Then introduces Jay-Z, wearing a Lennon t-shirt, and Linkin Park. Yes. Then the Macca comes out for a little "Yesterday" action. Kinda different.

10:24 Noted rock figure, Tom Hanks (sporting that Da Vinci cut), gives The Weavers a Lifetime Award. He then introduces the Boss, and Steinbrenner comes out and...naw, it's Bruce, dressed in black, with harmonica at the ready, which means I hope this is short. Seven verses later, "Devils and Dust" is over.

10:30 Destiny's Child pops up on stage to unusually tepid applause. Beyonce looks incredible, BTW. Song of the Year goes to U2 for "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own". The producers play a different tune, ha. Bono has the cowboy hat on and thanks his Dad. Nice.

10:36 The Tom Jones "Help Yourself" Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper commercial is on again.

10:39 In a Spike Lee-inspired sequence, Jamie Foxx representing JFU battles Kanye West from KW State in some strange marching band contest. Here comes this year's urban prom outfits. Kanye appears to have the bigger hat. I'll say KW is quite the entertainer. Here come the Gold Digger cheerleaders. Deray comes out with boys representing Broke Phi Broke. James Taylor applauds at the end. Could they have shown a whiter man at that point?

10:46 Newly-single Sheryl Crow and Sting give Cream a Lifetime Award. Record of the Year is a good choice. Green Day with "Boulevard of Broken Dreams".

10:54 Terrence Howard gives Jessye Norman a Lifetime Award. Herbie Hancock tickles the ivories while Christina Aguilera sings the Leon Russell classic, "A Song For You". She still has the chops.

11:05 Fiona Apple, Chuck D and Common give Best New Artist to John Legend. Shocking, as the man has been on only half the program, thus far.

11:08 Dead People Scroll in alphabetical order except for Richard Pryor. Omigod, it's Queen No-Teeth-A, I mean Latifah. Where's my pizza? She gives Richie his Lifetime Award in a rather awkward tribute.

11:17 Bonnie Raitt and noted white man, James Taylor, give a shout out to producer Steve Lillywhite. Engineer Al Schmidt gets a Trustees Award. Album of the Year goes to U2 and Bono gives props to his fellow nominees. Nice.

11:20 The Academy President with a Nawlins tribute, asks for mo' money and says go to New Orleans. This dude said more today than the President of our country one week ago. It's "Yes We Can-Can" with Allan Toussaint, Dr. John and Elvis Costello swapping lead vocals. Next, it's Sam Moore and Springsteen joining the others for "Midnight Hour". A nice finish, with a tribute to the Wicked Pickett.

Meal of Links

This maid cleans real well. Cleans out jewels and other stuff, too.

Jeff Probst becomes the Carlton Fisk of the Reality TV set. "Respect the game."

Who wants to marry me around my birthday? It'll be at ESPN's HQ in Bristol.

Exercise Yard

Uh-oh. The NHL hired the Unabomber prosecutor to investigate the gambling scandal. Hooded men, beware.

Visitor

19 Across: Ray of "GoodFellas" (6 letters) Answer: Liotta

We had a hankering for a little Taco Tuesday action, so a group of us headed over to Lincoln Park Pub, which is still the best place for cheapie tacos out there. They range from a buck-and-a-quarter to two bucks. Combined with cheapie Mexican beers and you can have quite the meal.

Oh God, Valentine's Day lights are up. Please kill me.

Meal of Links

You say potato, I now say diet food.










Hey, there are naked celebrities in the next issue of Vanity Fair. Seems like Scarlett's got a little Annette Bening going on. And that's Tom Ford, not "The Rock", dropping the People's Lips near Keira Knightley.

For those who didn't watch "Grey's Anatomy" after the Super Bowl: "Code Black" doesn't mean I didn't watch, but that there's a bomb in here.

Exercise Yard

The NHL can't grab any headlines, so why not have an assistant coach on a team partcipate in a gambling ring. Guaranteed publicity.

Visitor

33 Across: Ugandan tyrant (7 letters) Answer: Idi Amin (no Dada)

I believe it was the dullest Super Bowl in a long time. Alesci's did right by us by showing the game via a projector with the big screen, and it was pretty cool. I had a choice seat, the food was good, and I drank a 12-pack. Stayed longer than I thought I would, but you knew Cousin Ron would be there for the duration. Probably wouldn't have had that many pops, but a friend showed up at halftime, and we ended up leaving kinda late. I mean, I think Jimmy Kimmel was almost over when we left. Then her and I had to battle the wind to get to our cars. It was like a wintry Katrina out there.

BTW, I was so proud of my Dad while watching the game. The Pepsi commercial came on and he said, "Hey, there's P. Diddy.". This from someone famous for referring to an actor named "Richard" DeNiro. So, I thought what's up with that. Then there was an ad for a new ABC show starring Rob Estes. I said out loud, "What show was he on again?" and my Dad says, "Silk Stalkings." Whoa, check out the big brain on Dad. He completed the trifecta by confirming Tommy Kirk played the original "Shaggy Dog". I kept getting it confused with "The Shaggy D.A."

Game Thoughts:

While Heath Miller did not score the first TD, he should have. Second-and-Goal from the two, before Roethlisberger's faux TD, should have been his chance.

No mention of the troops. I thought that odd.

I was really comfortable and did not imitate Michael Philip Jagger.

John Madden said something extremely funny: "I don't know what they're looking at, that they needed to take his pants off."

Did I mention I drank a 12-pack of beer?

Not sure how many times Bettis' parents were shown, because I didn't care.

"Sweet Shaun Alexander" wasn't sung, because Seattle abandoned the running game way too early.

My Brooke Burke comment was, "I'd like Brooke Burke on top of my Whopper."

I had the correct winner, but not the correct score. And I won zero squares again.

Meal of Links

The Super Bowl commercials were OK. There were a few standouts for me. OK, Brooke Burke in anything rates highly. Another was the Bud Light commercial where the refirgerator disappeared behind a wall...into the next apartment. Of course, if monkeys are involved, it's great. Clothed monkeys even better. And I thought the MacGyver MasterCard ad was cool.

Super Bowl XL was the highest-rated game in 10 years. It shows the power of the NFL< which doesn't have to rely on big-market teams to draw viewers. Unlike baseball or basketball.

I thought the Stones might be censored during "Start Me Up". They were.

Exercise Yard

A definite highlight was the introduction of all of the Super Bowl MVPs. But where were Bradshaw and Montana? Bradshaw says he wanted to spend time with his family. Seriously, I heard Terry on the radio earlier in the week and I think his meds were off. Montana, on the other hand, apparently held out for $100,000. If true, that is unbelievable. I can't fathom that both of these NFL greats would pass up on this tribute and take a huge hit to their reputations because of money.

Visitor

61 Across: Netman Lendl (4 letters) Answer: Ivan

Yippee, today is Super Bowl Sunday, America's National Holiday (or should be). The game is secondary to all the social activity that takes place, especially since it doesn't involve the Browns. For the XLth time. It's the type of day you wake up talking to yourself. Muttering things like "65 Toss Power Trap", "I guarantee we'll win the game." and "Ya feelin' me?". By far, the best day of the year if you love football. And I do.

I keep getting sucked in by the NFL Network and NFL Films stuff leading up to the game. I heard Terry Bradshaw say if he could ask anything of God, it would be one more time to give him the ball with two minutes to go, three timeouts left, and get in that huddle with everyone's eyes as wide as saucers to hear him call the play. I start getting chills. Happens every time. I am an idiot.

Game Predictions:

Heath Miller scores the first TD.

I will attempt a Mick Jagger imitation and it may not be at halftime.

John Madden will say something that makes zero sense. Madden Proposition Bets!

I will drink beer.

The parents of Jerome Bettis will be shown 6 times.

I will sing "Sweet Shaun Alexander" to the tune of "Sweet Home Alabama", a current Seattle song, during the game. "Thirty-seven jersey blue".

I will make a comment about Brooke Burke.

Pittsburgh wins, 27-13.

Meal of Links

JB is leaving Fox's pre-game show. It's musical chairs. Greg Gumbel goes back to play-by-play, where he should re-team with Phil Simms, one would hope. Bonnie Bernstein leaves CBS. Al Michaels probably goes to NBC, where Andrea Kremer ends up.

From the "No shit?" files: Oddly enough, the Super Bowl Squares that pay off the most are 7 and 0. I won one with the Bears a while back because of a safety.

We eat a lot during the Super Bowl.

All of today's Super Bowl XL Proposition Bets. I like "Will there be a score in the first 6:27?" and "over/under on how long the first punt will be". Answers: No and longer than 41.5.

Exercise Yard

Went to the Cavs-Sixers game last night. I got to bask in the glory of the play of Allen Iverson. I love A.I. and he came through for me. He had missed some games lately and he is just so tough. He only had 34 points. Even Chris Webber contributed last night and Sam Dalembert cane through with a nice game. LeBron had 31 of the quietest points you'll ever see. Quite the amazing player.

Things only I would note:

I spoke with Mark Shapiro before teh game. Not the Indians guy, but the cameraman.

Nice touch by having a youth introduce both teams last night. It saved us from Ronnie Duncan, but it really is a cool idea. I've seen that at San Francisco Giants games and it's a blast to get the kids involved. And he did a helluva job.

The little girls love Anderson Varejao. As soon as he gets off the bench, it's Beatlemania with all of the screaming. I believe it was a Strongsville contingent behind us that got all hot and bothered.

There is a tall white guy on the Cavs. I have not one clue who he might be. Not sure I want to know.

The female ref is still in the league. And she's still bad.

Remember when Dorfman's picture came on the screen in "Animal House" and everyone threw stuff at it and booed? Well, Jim Tressel is the anti-Dorfman. He shows up on the scoreboard and the place goes nuts. Not sure what he said, but it was another excuse to play "O-H-I-O". Of course, I changed it to "A-I-Let's-Go".

Larry Hughes had a nice sportcoat on. After a timeout in which a sweaty Cav sat in his seat, I noticed him instruct an attendant to wipe his seat down. It made me laugh.

Redheaded Cavalier Girl is muy caliente.

Nice seats that Dan Gilbert put in at the Q. And notice how quiet he's been lately.

When Les, "The Beer Guy", comments on how good your seats are...well, that's affirmation, my friend. Last time we saw Les in action was at U2. Some random commented then that if you know the Beer Guy's name, you drink way too much.

"The Diff" confirms the dumbing down of America.

I realize the Scream Team has some talent. But if I had to choose between half-naked women dancing and a few young people doing outdated break dancing moves, I'll opt for scantily clad each time.

Hot dogs, and I had zero, are now $4.25 at the Q.

It started off loud before the game, but overall, I don't think it was that bad.

Visitor

None, it's Super Bowl Sunday.

I picked up my glasses today from the folks at Jerold Optical and what a difference. I can actually see and read! The bifocals are working and have opened up a whole new world to me. I must say, they look good and I got the cool magnetic shades, as well. As I walked in, Fun Frank is there with his new squeeze. What are the odds?

Time for another queuing story? Why not. I was at the P.O. today and of course, I'm there, so there's a line. I needed postcard stamps and needed to turn in a "Hold Mail" card. They have no hold cards up front, so I have to be bored while in line. And we have someone who was sending a package to Bratislava or some such place, while someone else is cashing money orders. Emphasis on plural. Then the next person has at least four or five stamps on two envelopes and still hasn't hit 39 cents. On one she has 37, the other 34. 34? How, in this century, do stamps add to 34? Are you kidding me?

Right before I was about to commit another postal shooting, it's my turn. I ask the woman for postcard stamps, she says they are in the machine. I ask her for a hold card, she says a woman who finally appears at her station, can help. By the time, I get there, another customer shows up. I ask her for a card and she says, "I'll be with you in a minute, while I help this man." Out of the corner of my eye (with my old glasses, mind you) I see hold cards, grab one, and tell the guy, "She couldn't even hand me a fuckin' card." So, I go to the lobby to fill out my card and to get my postcard stamps. Guess what? THE MACHINE WAS OUT OF ORDER! I thought to myself, "This is what a stroke must feel like." But I gathered myself and handed the card to Lenny (who is known for throwing a wastebasket at a customer...it was not me) and said, "Thank you, sir!". Then I drove away, in search of another line.

Meal of Links

Captain of the sunken Egyptian ferry thought that "Women and children first" was old school and decided "Every man for himself" had street cred attached to it.

Erin Crowe is through painting Alan Greenspan. Sells her last one for $150K.

A Bond director got arrested in a bizarre sex offense. He likeslatex and leather. Seems everyone knew it, but didn't know the transvestite side. To paraphrase Frank Costanza, "I find latex distracting."

Exercise Yard

The Football Hall of Fame inductees were announced. Michael Irvin's pot related bust cost him a spot this year. As predicted here, Troy Aikman, Reggie White, John Madden and Warren Moon got in. I didn't think Rayfield Wright would get in, and I'm very surprised Harry Carson got in. Maybe Harry will dump Gatorade on Madden.

Visitor

40 Down: Astronaut Deke (7 letters) Answer: Slayton

I like traditions as much as the next guy, but isn't Punxsatawney Phil and his act getting a bit old? Gee, 6 more weeks of winter. Never saw that comin'.

Wow. Big hats, cold weather, drunken crowd, scared groundhog. Must...turn...channel.

Meal of Links

Looks like the Mister Tony Experience might reach a bigger audience. I love his radio show on XM and it's my daily crossword accompaniment.

Speaking of Mister Tony, his old board op, Greg Garcia has hit the big time with "My Name Is Earl". The best new comedy on TV today.

The newest celebrity rage. Bonorge!












Does W. look like he's been Photoshopped into this pic? Or is he cardboard?

Exercise Yard

Until a few years a go, the Kentucky Derby offered the least purse amount of the Triple Crown races. Now they're sponsored. Yum!

Visitor

18 Down: Explorer Ponce de ____ (4 letters) Answer: Leon

What could possibly go wrong when you have a dinner scheduled with Best Friend and Co-Conspirator? Well, if you're a dumbass like me and forget your cellphone, you realize The Harp is closed for a private party for someone I will not vote for and alternate plans are made while I'm driving around Detroit-Shoreway looking for the drug guy's pay phone. So, we visited Great Lakes Brewing instead. Where the food is great and the beer is cold, so there you have it.

Oh, with this crowd, it is a struggle to win every debate, but I think I maintained my perfect record. Well, not really, as I think I'm the reverse Ripken. What did we learn? Pitt and Jolie (those lips, those eyes) aren't a very good subject for me. And I was actually told I was "too sophisticated" for not liking "Jackass: The Movie". My God, I loved "Transporter 2"! And I can also play "Flight of the Bumblebee" with my tongue, so I resent the implication of being labelled a sophisticate.

But Martha Davis soothed my feelings on the way home. As I got to sing that sophisticated tune, "Take the "L" out of lover, and it's over." They don't write 'em like that anymore. It's amazing I know that song from eons ago, but can't remember "Million Dollar Baby", an Oscar winner about boxing from last year, for cryin' out loud.

Meal of Links

Dateline: Toronto. Another battle between bikers and motorists. This one involves food! With photos.

Cindy Sheehan has become the latest attention whore. Listen, a House member gives you a ticket to the State of the Union. I mean that's gotta be a choice ticket, so respect the institution. It reminds me of Larry David buying a ticket from a scalper to get into temple. Anyhow, everyone knows you're in attendance. Why not sit there, absorb everything you hear, come out and face the media (like they would not find her afterward), and give the best anti-Bush commentary you can muster. In other words, quit making a scene. Any sympathy she may have gotten months ago has seriously eroded because of these ill-advised stunts.

Do you wanna party with the Queen? Not No-teeth-a, but the real one, in Britain. You know...for the kids.

Exercise Yard

OK, I admit it. Even though I'm sophisticated, Steeler Baby made me laugh.

Visitor

11 Down: Holden Caufield's creator (10 letters) Answer: J.D. Salinger

The more I read about Andy Marte, I'm thinking Mark Shapiro should star in the remake of the Lowenbrau commercial as in, "Shapiro, you're a genius!". Marte was the Number One prospect in 2005 of Baseball Prospectus, and most everyone thinks he's the next Scott Rolen. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. BTW, Spring Training starts in about 2 weeks.

Meal of Links

Went to see "Match Point" this evening. Another free popcorn night at Crocker. I think Woody Allen was rejuvenated in making this film. I do not know if it was a change of scenery or working with a different stable of actors, but he did a nice job with this one. Scarlett Johansson is one fine actress for such a young age. Plus, she's hot. And Woody's movies have enough gaps in the dialogue, so you can make witty comments quite often. And I did. Like the time a short, bald-headed guy was walking in the background and I said, "There's Andre Agassi!". Two disturbing things though. Bryan Cox looks startingly like James Lipton, the Actor's Studio guy. And Emily Mortimer resembled Ashlee Simpson, at least to me. The soundtrack features opera, which in itself is not a bad thing. It's just that I'm sure the tunes chosen had some relevance to the scenes in which they were played, and I'm not an opera fan, so I couldn't grasp those choices.

Gregg Easterbrook of NFL.com has some thoughts on Jenna Elfman. And they are spot on. (Third item from bottom.)

The Oscar nominees were announced today. I thought "Capote" was the best film I saw last year, with "Good Night and Good Luck" a very strong runner-up. Then, of course, one can't forget "Transporter 2".

Exercise Yard

It's always cool to see the old alma mater perform well. Of course, Ben Roethlisberger carries the flag in Super Bowl XL, Wally World is now a Celtic, and Miami hockey is Number One in the nation. Frozen Four, here we come!

Visitor

38 Across: Big name in travel guides (5 letters) Answer: Fodor

I happened to have the Deep Tracks channel of XM on the way home this evening when I heard Michael Stanley's name mentioned, of all people. The DJ thanked Michael for putting him in touch with the guy who could get him all his old material. Seemed odd, considering they should have had some of his catalog, at least. They played "Rosewood Bitters". I'm not a fan of the guy, but obviously somebody at XM is. Now if only Stanley could play some of that XM catalog on WNCX, we'd be gettin' somewhere.

Meal of Links

Jessica Alba was deemed the desirable woman in Hollywood. Tough to argue with that choice. Hell, the runners-up are all winners, too.

I always wondered who owned the "60 Minutes" watch. Oddly, I recall my Dad always introducing himself after the "60 Minutes" roster did. He thought it funny.

I sat on a jury about five years ago. I find it hard to comprehend they seated the jury in the Enron trial on Day One. However, opening arguments are tomorrow. The government's batting average is pretty good these days, with only the HealthSouth guy getting acquitted.

Exercise Yard

Each time the Tribe makes a move, I always have a bad habit of saying it's a cost-saving move. With Dolan in charge, it's a knee-jerk reaction. The Coco Crisp trade doesn't look like a cost-saving move at its surface. But Boston did send us $1 million in the deal and look what we save in future Coco dollars. Now, I'm not saying it's a bad deal, far from it. I'm just saying money played its seemingly usual part.

Visitor

44 Across: Nuclear pioneer Enrico (5 letters) Answer: Fermi

If you did not get up and do anything outside this weekend, boy, it was your loss. Saturday was one of the best days imaginable for a January, in the 50s with some sun. Someone must have naughty pictures of Mother Nature doing something, well, unnatural. I took a walk Downtown this morning between the rain showers and no one else was around. It was kinda like "28 Days Later". Except for the lack of dead bodies laying around and trash strewn everywhere. But you get the picture.

Have you had any green tea yet? I just started to drink this stuff and I'm surprised to say, it doesn't taste that awful. A ringing endorsement, I know, but I've had the Sugar-Free Sobe Lean edition and it's OK by me. In fact, I'm drinking one right now. Multitasking at its simplest. I'm getting 30% of my daily requirement of Chromium, as well. I assume that's a good thing.

Meal of Links

Google didn't have a particularly fun week. But, then again, neither did the Ford Motor Co.

The State of the Union is on Tuesday night. I wonder if he'll ask us if we want some wood. These are always fascinating to watch, because of the audience reactions, especially the D's.

We haven't checked on Phil Spector in a while. He claims on the night of the shooting his mind became clouded when he was Tasered. I think that cloudiness occurred long before that action was taken.

Exercise Yard

Should I run that broken record once again? Nope, but Cleveland State shot 19% in the second half last night and still had a chance to win. That's 19 as in Channel 19, Product 19, the Paul Hardcastle hit "19". Ugh. Horizon League play, at its finest. YSU wins, 68-63. Even Joe Maxse has just about reached his wits end.

Visitor

None, it's a Sunday.

Strolled over to Johnny Mango--The West Side Version last night and it was packed. Im diggin' the Happy Hour with Bohemias at $1.75 per. That is loco, mi amigo. Excellent quesadillas, BTW. I had the ones with velvet chicken, which I guess is a tribute to this guy.

Meal of Links

Oh, boy. Now a Navajo erred in his memoirs. I mean, he may not even be a Navajo.

My favorite badboy, Pete Doherty, is in jail. Again. Long way to go before he matches Henry Earl. Jeepers, Henry's been locked up since before the New Year. A significant departure from his Otis Campbell three-day holidays.

A recording studio gets hit by a bus. That can't be good.

Exercise Yard

Sportswriters talk about the first Super Bowl in Detroit. The game was good, everything else was kinda poor.

Visitor

Across: Onetime Elton John collaborator (7 letters) Answer: Kiki Dee

As the Plain Dealer noted today, did anyone find it amusing that the local teacher who had a child with a student was named Scarlett? As in letter.

Anyhow, the PD also referenced an HDTV blog that I find quite informative. Like Jessica Alba looks better than Teri Hatcher in HD. But I think we knew that.

Meal of Links

Did you know the Army raised the recruiting age to 40? "Where did Daddy go?" "Well, he always wanted to try basic training."

Bono is everywhere. Like Elvis.

Oprah changes her mind. Now it's not nice to fib. Two weeks ago, it was harmless, but she saw which way the wind was blowing and realized what an impact she has. I give her credit. Her hold on the public is rather frightening, but it's very real and I'm glad she came to her senses.

Exercise Yard

Insert broken record. Cleveland State just cannot win at home, as they played an awful game last night. My Dad and I saw the game against the dreaded Butler Bulldogs. As we were sleepwalking toward another finish, I look up and notice that we are down by 8, but have the ball. I tell my Dad if we hit a three right now, we are back in it. Just then, Raheem Moss tosses one in from about 30 feet and I started shaking my Dad. "We're back in it. How? I have no idea." CSU somehow mounts a comeback by shooting only 30% in the second half. That's right, 30% and they had a chance to win in the final 10 seconds before losing, 55-51.

I dunno, it's as if the opponents come under some spell in the final 10 minutes and completely break down in all phases of the game. It's high comedy to watch. Yesterday, CSU is down by two with thirty seconds left and forgets to foul Butler. And while we are not fouling, Butler is failing to advance the ball and gets nailed with a 10-second violation. I mean, when does that happen, it's crazy. But it didn't result in a win. To paraphrase Bob Uecker, we lead the league in "Go get 'em next time."

Visitor

35 Across: "More Dogs Than Bones" actor (11 letters) Answer: Peter Coyote

I went out to Crocker to see the "Coachella" premiere. It was in one of the smaller theatres at the Regal. It was the most I paid for a movie ever, $12.50. Not one preview, just continuous commercials for Big Screen Concerts. And I may have been the oldest one there, easily in the top ten. I knew this when I held the door open for a younger female on the way in and she said, "You are so awesome!". Ain't that the truth.

Anyhow, the documentary was OK. It seemed they had a habit of filming band's opening or closing numbers, regardless if they were the best performances or not, simply for crowd reaction. I think 24 bands were featured. Iggy and the Stooges did "I Wanna Be Your Dog" and that was a highlight. The White Stripes, Oasis, Bjork, the Pixies, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Radiohead were probably the most recognizable bands. Lots of electronica including Prodigy, The Chemical Brothers and The Crystal Method.

Noel Gallagher of Oasis probably had the most interesting comments when he said musicians probably couldn't change the world. As he put it, "Most people don't go to a gig to hear someone read the news." He's got a point. But I think music can lift you up and take you to some really cool places, if you let it.

Meal of Links

Everyone knows Hollywood has run out of ideas. "Magnum P.I." confirms that once again.

"Criss Cross" wins the Newbery Award. Then pulls up its pants.

Kanye West poses as Jesus on the cover of the latest Rolling Stone. Mike Myers is not in the background.

Exercise Yard

I guess the Indians really didn't want to trade Coco Crisp. I was never sold on how that deal improved the club. It's almost as if the Boston media willed it to happen.

Visitor

32 Across: Folk singer DiFranco (3 letters) Answer: Ani

Hey, it's Election Night in Canada! Thank you, C-Span.

I thought the Steelers looked really good yesterday. The first half was as perfect of a half as you could possibly play. Ben Roethlisberger looks like he's got a solid future and that can only mean bad things ahead for the Browns. If he and Carson Palmer stay healthy and become fixtures on their clubs, we will have to find a QB. Not sure if Frye is that guy, but we are gonna need a winner at that position.

Meal of Links

Harry Belafonte has gone way-o off his rocker. Daylight come and he may wanna go...to the nuthouse.

Only one film, "Little Miss Sunshine", has sold at Sundance, thus far. Not many mainstream films, I guess.

Cal Poly can serve beer at its baseball games for 2 more years. A sunny Friday afternoon watching baseball while drinking beer is a definite highlight of many a college experience. Or so I've heard.

Exercise Yard

Toyota joins NASCAR. I'm curious to see who gets the ride.

Visitor

44 Across: "That Old Black Magic" composer (5 letters) Answer: Arlen

Kids say the darndest things. My niece is a now a comic. She has to name things for everything she does. We were throwing a ball to each other and she names it a game of "Pass the ball over the..." whatever. After a few more tosses she tells her Dad that we're playing a new game called "Pass gas!" Of course, I bust a gut and then she tells her Dad that he can't play the game because he doesn't know it. I gently remind her that even though her Dad wasn't allowed to play right then, he, in fact, knows the game well and he's quite good at it.

What else have we learned recently?

The serving size on a box of Girl Scout cookies is preposterous.

Giant Eagle's fresh salmon is pretty good.

I have no desire to ever set foot in the country of Cambodia.

Since WTAM switched affiliations to Fox News, Bill Wills is unlistenable in the morning.

The PD should not have included a chat with the idiot who ran on the field during the Browns-Steelers game to get his thoughts on Steelers-Broncos today.

Baked Cool Ranch Doritos are the best snack food ever.

Cue Larry King...I like making popcorn the old-fashioned way.

Never make a bet with someone who has been robbed, insisting you know the exact day they were robbed. I mean, those things are kind of indelible in the victim's mind.

How can a single person spend over $30 at Marc's? I did it today and I still don't know how. I didn't even buy Spam Singles, which has to be the oddest thing I've seen, because you must buy the whole can. You cannot beat a Spam and egg breakfast in the winter.

I want the Steelers and Panthers to win today.

I should have bought glasses months ago. But I am, once again, trying bifocals. This time with lines, a slight tint and the cool magnetic clip-ons.

Meal of Links

A whale died. Honestly, it didn't ruin my day, and I doubt it "thrilled the world".

I think I missed this, but the rebuilding of levees in Nawlins isn't going well, according to some. One expert claims the material they have ain't good for levee buildin'.

Foreign films hardly dent the U.S. market anymore. I think "Kung Fu Hustle" was the last one I saw.

Exercise Yard

Pacquiao beat Morales last night in the first big boxing matchup of 2006. And that's a good thing, because Pacquiao doesn't duck anyone and always gives max effort.

Visitor

None, it's NFC/AFC Championship Sunday.

We tried to head over to McNulty's Bier Markt last night. Fun Frank was flying in from L.A., where I'm sure he bought something, and he was gonna meet us there. Gale got there first, and as I'm driving around to find a place to park (it was unusually crowded), I called her cellphone. She says, "Well, I guess I should tell you, I think it's a gay place." I said, "What? I thought it more of a beer nerd joint." I kinda doubted her, because she professes her gaydar isn't that great.

So, I get there and all I see is guys in the lobby. OK, I've seen that before, even at manly man places. Still doubting her, I walk into the main bar area, which I quickly deduced was the "man" bar area, because Freddy Mercury just passed me by. Lemme say this, there were gay guys as far as the eye could see. Not that there's anything wrong with that. There may have been 6 women in the place, all at one table, and I sensed they were lesbians. There probably hasn't been a gay guy crowd that large since Cher was in town. I turned to Gale and said, "Yup. You were right." We left not dazed, but slightly confused. As it turns out, we happened to go there on the day when the local "Gay Gays Happy Hour" club was convening their monthly get-together. Who knew?

That meant our next stop was the West Side Market Cafe, where Frank arrived for a couple of beers, and then over to Great Lakes Brewing. Frank thought Handicapped Meters only worked until 6:00, so we forced him to move his car before we walked there. Then he showed us a neat trick with our car lock remotes. OK, it was cheap entertainment. Then it was Dortmunders for me the rest of the night and I was quite the happy person.

Meal of Links

The family of the Notorious B.I.G. gets a $1.1 million award from the city of Los Angeles for withholding evidence. His killing is still unsolved.

Faster Wi-Fi looks like it's a year away. Cheaper cable a year away...nope.

A James Bond Aston Martin sold for $3 million at the Barrett-Jackson Auction. The new owner gets all the gadgets, except the ejector seat.

Exercise Yard

Local boy makes good. Canton McKinley's Josh McDaniels is the Patriots new offensive coordinator, the youngest in the league at age 29. He followed the Belichick career path, has been Tom Brady's QB coach, and is one of the up-and-coming coaching prospects in the NFL.

Visitor

16 Across: Cavaradossi's lover (5 letters) Answer: Tosca

I've been out for dinner the last couple of days. Yesterday, my brother and I stopped at the Old Angle for some sammies and rugby. It seems every time I'm there, it's New Zealand vs. England. Anyhow, the food was good, but the best part was afterward going back to the car. It's not very often you get hit up for coin by black, homeless lesbians. And I must say, it was funny.

She starts off by saying, "Can you help me out? I need some money for beers for me and my woman." "I'm as gay as I am dark! Ha ha ha ha!" I swear she told me she needed 35 cents for a 16-oz. can. I give her the 35 and she says, "35 cents? I told you it was 37 cents, are ya deaf?" Instead of saying, "Eh?", I argued with her and gave her the extra 2 pennies. Then Jeff gave her 50 cents so she could get a forty. Understand, she has the Leon Spinks smile going on. Large upper gap. As she's leaving, she says, "Thanks. You've heard of Queen Latifah? Well, I'm Queen No-teeth-ah! Ha ha ha ha!" Now, THAT'S comic timing.

Meal of Links

Best friend and I were at Johnny Mango (oh ay oh) the other day. No El Diablo for me (well, a sip), but not much business for the Willoughby location, as I believe we were 40% of the present and accounted for. Gots to get the Bangkok BBQ Chicken. It takes 35 minutes to make, but so good. Amd I left my take home there. Crap.

The "Wicked" Pickett died. This guy was so good and had an incredible run of hits. "Mustang Sally" (just a great tune lyrically and musically) and "In the Midnight Hour" are all-timers and "Ninety-Nine and a Half" (remember, it just won't do, it just won't git it, got to have a hundred.) is a song I really love, as well.

You have to catch up on the Ricky Gervais podcasts. The discussion about never seeing an Asian homeless person cracked me up. Five more to go.

Exercise Yard

Now that Al Saunders was snubbed by Oakland, maybe Maurice Carthon can go the Raiders. Oops, that's the Browns-Raiders conflict I have, although that would help the Browns immensely, it would further cement the Raiders' doormat status.

Visitor

34 Across: Mag founder of 1953 (3 letters) Answer: Hef

I watched "Love Monkey" last night. It's kind of like "Ed", a show I gave up on way early, except "Ed" is now in NYC. Some comments are that it's a male "Sex and the City", a show I never watched, but I don't think so. It has more of a "High Fidelity" feel to it. But "Ed's" friends are clearly doofuses. The show should dump them. Except for Judy Greer (the wacky assistant from "Arrested Development"), who is so cute, I wanna make cheesecake with her. She's very good.

Since "Ed" works in the music industry, they go overboard on the hip musical references. You know, like visiting CBGB, the real name of Sid Vicious, etc. Although I did hear the Talking Heads song, "Thank You for Sending Me an Angel" on the soundtrack, which automatically brings it up a notch or two. The great Eric Bogosian stopped in for the first episode as a mogul, and my guess is that it was a one-shot deal. They should find a way to bring him back. Or make a series about his character. Although not a great show, it's more of a pleasant CBS diversion from all the crime shows on the network. I'll stick with this a bit longer, mainly because of Judy Greer.

Meal of Links

Chicago frets about the hot dog. Sara Lee is gonna make a frozen hot dog. Lemme tell ya, if you can't take the time to make a hot dog the conventional way, you are a tool.

Reese Weatherspoon visits the Chanel Bargain Basement. Kirsten Dunst thought that dress looked familiar.



















Kate Beckinsale does NOT have a fat ass.

Exercise Yard

Jerry Bailey will retire and go to work for ABC/ESPN. This man won me some bucks over the years. Still the best turf rider in America.

Visitor

20 Across: "The NewsHour" anchorman (6 letters) Answer: Lehrer

I took my new iPod for a walk tonight. I finally took some of my insurance money and replaced the stolen mini with the 5G 60GB w/video version. In black, of course. The video is really sharp on this thing. OK, the screen will eventually get bigger, but for now, it'll do. The only video I had was "Lazy Sunday" from SNL and it played real well. I'll see if it holds up.

I also had some Best Buy coupons left over from my TV purchase. They were about to expire, so I was able to get some Altec Lansing speakers for the PC. They were on sale, so I was finally able to dump the hideous Dell speakers that came with the computer. These are neat, as well.

Meal of Links

It appears that funny films are good for the heart. I hoped they used the "Blame Thrower" scene from "Mystery Men", first half hour of "Love and Death", first hour of "Men at Work", etc., in the experiment.

"Bubble" is a Steven Soderbergh movie that is going to have its release in different media, starting next Friday. Let's see if it works.

Rover can sniff out cancer. Smells like Cheetos.

Exercise Yard

I think the world of Shaq. And I think his making up with Kobe demonstrates the big lug's got a heart. And he did it in such a cool way. I loved it.

Visitor

41 Across: 1994 Jodie Foster title role (4 letters) Answer: Nell

I was at the Bart for a rare Monday night CSU hoops game. Today's opponent: The dreaded Zips of Akron. The Vikings were riding a two-game winning streak that had the streets filled with bewildered people (and not because the parking lot at Becky's has switched sides), looking upward for a sign, any sign that the world was not ending. The sign was delivered as Akron won, 62-50.

I went with Nomar Stalker who said it was the worst shooting team he has ever seen. Could be, but he didn't go to any games last year. CSU was up 17-10 with 12 minutes left in the first half, when Akron slapped a zone on them. It appeared the Vikings had never seen one before. "What means this zone?" they wondered aloud to the basketball gods. The gods laughed their asses off, as CSU stood in amazement and passed the ball around the perimeter for the next 12 minutes and scored 1 point during that time and trailed 27-18 at halftime. "Enough!", said the basketball fans. "Save us from this display.", they shouted. And the gods were appeased and provided halftime entertainment.

It is well known that I loathe mascots. But the highlight tonight came at halftime when all of the local mascots, sans Slider, played a basketball game. We had Vike, of course. Zippy from Akron U., Moondog from the Cavs, Wheelie (I have no idea where the hell that was from), a Mister Chicken guy in a rented chicken suit (a nod to a sponsor), Orbit from the Akron Aeros, Skipper from the Lake County Captains, the Barons mascot Sandshark(?), and representing the human race was a little girl who won the first half Chicken Dance contest. There is something about mascots when they appear in a group like that makes me laugh uncontrollably. Much like monkeys when they dress up. We decided that Zippy's costume prevented full vision, because he would be running around, completely oblivious to the ball which crossed his path several times without any sort of reaction. Oh, it was hijinks aplenty. Much more enjoyable than the game.

Meal of Links

Does anyone care about Miss America anymore? It's now in Vegas and on CMT. The tradition continues.

California is set to execute some old-timer. No question, he's a bad guy. But they have to take him out of a wheelchair before they inject him.

Pete Doherty gets arrested. Again. Cue up Lindsey Buckingham. "I think I'm in trouble."

Exercise Yard

Emily Litella, head of NFL officals says, "Never mind."

Visitor

37 Across: Conductor Georg (5 letters) Answer: Solti

If you have not seen Coach Ditka on "The Blitz" on ESPN News, you need to. This is a program where Sean Salisbury (the guy with the big head) and Coach Ditka break down the NFL games on Sundays around 5:00 or so. Coach Ditka has problems finishing sentences these days and it's hilarious to hear him yelling about stuff. He really lit into the Bears defense today for not playing up to snuff, and he was right. He said he'd give Charles Tillman a bus ticket and a hamburger and tell him to leave town.

The games were pretty good today. Carolina has it going (Fear the Panther) and the Steelers, although they hung on at the end, looked really good. Poor Peyton Manning. He might end up being known for his commercials and not his playoff wins. The Colts blocking scheme today was not good, as the Steelers blitz worked all day. It's amazing the Colts could have tied at the end, except the "liquored-up kicker" missed the field goal.

Meal of Links

Someone by the name of Richard Forrest channels my Mother. "I looked down and whoa, man, it's Mickey. I punched his lights out."

The controversy about James Frey's memoir continues. The bottom line is how can you factcheck a memoir? Unfortunately, many people don't care because he didn't really hurt anyone, it was a good read, etc.

As the NFL season winds down, it's good to see the "Nextel Dance Party" is still going strong. "Where's Meckler?"

Exercise Yard

I saw Bill Belichick say bad words (really all of the Patriots seemed a bit testy)during the end of the Patriots' reign last night. New England had way too many turnovers. And they were turnovers that led to incredibly short fields for the Broncos to navigate. Combine that with an incredibly awful pass interference late in the first half and an equally dumb interception in the endzone in the second half and that spelled doom. For the record, there was no pass interference and Champ Bailey's fumble should have been ruled a touchback, but how are you gonna determine that without 3-D glasses?

Visitor

None, it's a sunny, then cloudy, but cold Sunday.

"People say, 'When you make it to the NBA, don't forget about me.' I feel like telling them, 'Well, if I don't make it, make sure you don't forget about me.' "
-- William Gates, in the final scene of "Hoop Dreams"

I got home from work yesterday and what was on IFC? "Hoop Dreams"! I had not seen it in a while and it remains one of the top 5 sports films ever. I remember Siskel and Ebert (Roger's review) being outraged that it was not nominated for the documentary Oscar that year. The academy seems to have gotten over the bias against popular documentaries, but at the time, they ignored "Hoop Dreams". If you haven't seen it, it is well worth the three hours, as it really sucks you in. The scene where Gates opens up the envelope to see his ACT scores, so he can attend Marquette, man, it's like someone from your own family making it, it's really that good.

Meal of Links

The Golden Globes are on Monday night. Always a good show, because alcohol is served.

We're dropping bombs all over the place these days. Washington is currently playing the Sergeant Schultz card.

Things Her Boyfriend Says.

Exercise Yard

The weekend's NFL picks: Seahawks, Patriots, Colts, Panthers. Seattle has more offense and a better defense than most people credit them. Can't bet against the Pats til they spit the bit. As Coach Ditka said before their first matchup: "The Steelers secondary cannot cover the Colt receivers, and they know that." I love John Fox and the Panthers will prevail and don't forget, the Browns actually beat the Bears, and I know the Browns and I assure they're no Carolina Panthers.

Visitor

47 Down: Twerp (6 letters) Answer: Weenie

The Plain Dealer did exactly what I've been afraid to do. That is mention the great weather we've been enjoying recently. I understand great is a relative term, but today it is sunny and in the 50's and in January, that's stealing.

Meal of Links

I happen to like Keith Olbermann. I don't watch his show that often, but it's a nice mix of hard news and stupid stuff, and it makes me laugh. On Fridays, he drops in on Dan Patrick's ESPN radio show and recently asked Lynn Swann (yes, that Lynn Swann) some tough gubernatorial questions, which were not the type of softballs that Swannie thought were coming.

One of my goals for 2006 was to read a little bit more. Last night, I finished "The Tender Bar" by JR Moehringer. It's about a bar and the cast of regulars who occupy it over the years. I thought it was great and it seems to be getting generally positive reviews.

I don't go to Arby's very often. But today, I ordered a Market Fresh Turkey/Swiss and felt good about it. Then I read their nutrition information. No more trips to Arby's for me.

Exercise Yard

I was at the CSU game with my brother tonight, and it was a late starter combined with overtime, so I have to do the really late dinner on top of all things. But CSU somehow prevailed in a game they had no business winning. CSU beats Detroit, 59-53. Detroit was winning 41-30 with 8 minutes to go. The basketball gods were then appeased, as CSU mounted not necessarily a comeback, but Detroit handed us the game on a silver platter...several times. Carlos English could have won it with 10 seconds left after a Detroit technical, but he proceeded to miss not one, but both technicals. BTW, the score was tied at the time. Ugh!

Visitor

18 Across: Three-time A.L. batting champ (5 letters) Answer: Oliva

Dr. James Andrews had a heart attack over the weekend. We were trying to figure if he'd be ready by training camp, after some rehab...yuk, yuk. I'm sure Andrews has trained someone to take his place, but he was supposed to perform Carson Palmer's surgery this week, so the guy must still use the knife. But what if his underlings aren't any good. I mean, what then? He must be OK, because Bags is coming for a visit tomorrow.

Meal of Links

The commission in charge of suggestions in the rebuilding of Nawlins had a public forum today. Residents appear to be steamed. This one will be messy.

Robert Altman gets an honorary Oscar. He's got a nice catalog, including "California Split", a great gambling flick.

Chuck Norris is a badass.

Exercise Yard

More Hall of Fame news, this time it's football. The 15 finalists were announced. We decided that Troy Aikman, Reggie White, Warren Moon and John Madden will get in. Can't see anyone else making it, including Thurman Thomas.

Visitor

18 Across: Turcotte who rode Secretariat to the Triple Crown (3 letters) Answer: Ron

I haven't gotten into the Alito hearings too much, as I can pick up the C-Span replays. These days, no nominee is gonna tussle with the Senate. It isn't gonna happen. You send the guy up, because the name has already appeared on a pre-approved list, senators jab at him a bit, then they approve the nomination. Simple.

Meal of Links

"The new food labels are out! The new food labels are out!"

Some folks thought J.T. Leroy was a fraud a long time ago. Larry King will figure it out.

I keep getting spam at work that tells me I've won the Dutch Lottery. I'm waiting for Todd Gack to be listed as the contact.

Exercise Yard

Bob Sykes, I mean Bruce Sutter, makes the Baseball Hall of Fame. You see, I was at a Reds game in college where my roommate kept drunkenly yelling, "Sutter! Sutter!" at a guy in the Cardinal bullpen. He finally figured out the pitcher was not scratching his back, but pointing to his name on the back of the jersey, which was "SYKES". He tried to apologize by saying, "It was an honest mistake, since you're both lefties." Of course, Sutter threw with his right hand.

Visitor

9 Down: Giant of a Giant (3 letters) Answer: Ott

I am not really worried about bird flu, but I'm keeping my eye on it. It's now in Turkey and some British official went on the BBC this morning and said birds migrate so it's inevitable it'll reach England. Good morning to you, as well.

I don't think there is a cause for panic, but I'm curious to see if anyone gets it here. With 24-hour news, the coverage will be out of control.

Meal of Links

Pink got married. I had pretty much forgotten about Pink. It got a lot of coverage. Must be a slow news day.

Don't even tell me that Tussin doesn't work, I refuse to believe it. But the medical journal Chest says it's true.

The Dow passes 11,000. Now, let's see if it stays there.

Exercise Yard
















Tana Umaga quits as captain of the All Blacks. My bet is that New Zealand keeps winning.

Visitor

32 Across: Susan of "L.A. Law" (3 letters) Answer: Dey

I came out of my NFL spider hole this morning just long enough to get a speeding ticket. Of course, it's at a spot that I have always driven fast...the Lorain-Carnegie Bridge. In fact, I was not paying attention and had started slowing down, when I got to the crest of the bridge. The Polizei was coming in the opposite direction and my thought bubble read, "If he has his radar on, I'm cooked." Sure enough, he did a U-turn and I knew I was doomed.

Oh, the officer was extremely nice about it and then quickly zoomed off to nab another guy. Crap.

Meal of Links

When you watch football all weekend, you watch commercials. Lots of commercials. There were a few that stood out:

The NFL Network continues to crank out quality ads. The one out now with, "Get your excuses ready." is pretty funny. Nice digs at Drew Rosenhaus. I'm hoping for a Jon Gruden reprise of "Tomorrow" on this year's championship weekend ad. BTW, of those who appeared on last year's ad, only Ben Roethlisberger has a shot at this year's Super Bowl. Gruden, Chad Johnson and Marvin Lewis were eliminated this weekend. Curtis Martin, Byron Leftwich and Daunte Culpepper were hurt this year. Roy Williams of Dallas didn't make the playoffs. Ephraim Salaam was actually released and re-signed by Jacksonville. Is that another jinx to worry about?

"Ted Ferguson, Bud Light Daredevil". These ads are so stupid, but they make me laugh each time I see one. "Put that on my review!"

I thought the Burger King (Browns free agent signee?) dumping Gatorade on Don Shula was funny.

Also, the Sony Low-Def ad was great in its simplicity, while promoting their new TVs. They recreated the Stanford-Cal game (you know, the one with the band on the field) with an old electric football game. They used the actual radio call, as well. Very unique.

I do not operate under the alias of Ryan Bennett. But I acknowledge that it was a very good question.

My educated guess is this news was not as big as this announcement.

Exercise Yard










Uh...Yup.

Today's NFL games went as I thought they would, with both road teams winning. The Giants really layed an egg at home. I like the Carolina coach, John Fox, a lot and don't underestimate that team against Chicago.










They're laughin' at us.

The Steelers looked awfully good today in the second game, adjusting well after the first quarter. Too bad about Carson Palmer getting hurt for the Bengals on the second play. It may have been a different outcome, but we'll never know. My credo: You can only play on emotion so far. The Bengals had it going early, then faded badly.

Visitor

None, it's an NFL playoff day.

Tried to go over to Johnny Mango last night, but they had a private party and were closed to the public for several hours. No El Diablo, por favor. Obviously, we headed over to the Fulton Bar and Grill and once again, the food was outstanding. Of course, hummus was there and we had the trio which was black bean, white bean and garlic. I had halibut with some really good cornbread stuffing with andouille. Also had some seared greens which were spinach. I forced myself to nibble at that, because I don't like spinach. I like the Fulton a lot and got affirmation from the busser on my intense dislike of Jenna Elfman.

Meal of Links

Went to see "Brokeback Mountain" today. While waiting for Gale to show up, this old guy nearby is also waiting for someone to show up, and he starts humming. I hate when randoms start whistling or humming. I start to focus on what he's humming. I'll be damned if it wasn't "You Are My Sunshine" over and over and over. I almost laughed out loud. Then I moved away. Far away. I mean it was "Brokeback Mountain". As for the movie, it was OK, at best. Honestly, I don't see it as an Oscar winner. I can see Heath Ledger getting a nomination, but it was kind of a slow starter. It's not matching the hype, if you ask me, and I think Hollywood might have an agenda here. I liked "King Kong" and "Transporter 2" (DVD this week, oh yeah!) infinitely more. One other quick queueing story, this old woman gets in line and says, "I was at "Munich" last week when the film broke. I only got to see 5 assassinations out of the scheduled 11." She was asked if she wanted to see "Munich" again. "Naw, that had too much killing in it." Hey, I laughed.

Ted Nugent wants to run for Governor of Michigan in 2010. Read his quotes, he seems competent.

I had to download the latest episode of "The Office" because Channel 3 or my DVR screwed up the last 15 minutes the other day. Process worked OK. It cost $1.99, but it's a legal download and I wanted to try it out.

Exercise Yard

Today's NFL playoff games were true to form. Big-time defense in the Bucs-Redskins game, as the Skins had only 120 yards of offense and somehow won the game. The Jaguars hung with the Patriots for a half and then got mauled in the 2nd half. Tomorrow's games hold promise. I think it's the Panthers and the Steelers winning on the road.

Visitor

51 Down: "Elf" actor (4 letters) Answer: Caan

Whoa, Nellie.













I watched the BCS Championship Game last night, which Texas won, 41-38, over Southern Cal. And it was a good game. But, my goodness, was Keith Jackson a far cry from what he once was in the booth. We do not get a lot of the West Coast games during the regular season and that's where Keith does most of his announcin' these days. Therefore, I hadn't heard him much lately.

My biggest beef is that he didn't call the game, but sorta/kinda reacted to it. No excitement when USC gets stuffed on 4th down near the end of the game, and his call of Vince Young's game-winning TD was simply, "Vince Young scores." Keith, are you even at the game at this point or better yet, awake? It's almost 12:30 in the Eastern time zone and I'm still alert.

And did anyone else think he might have been dipping into the Old Panther or whatever old timey hosses drink? These are just a few of his gaffes:

OK, it's probably appropriate to call them "times out", instead of "timeouts", but no one ever says "times out". Except for Keith last night.

He admits, "I am watching the game with binoculars." Probably should have said "cardinal-colored USC glasses." Several people in the stands are also using binos. But they paid to get in. "Oscar, use your monitor!"

Couldn't read the AFLAC trivia questions correctly. Not once, but twice!

Clearly called a missed Texas extra point, "Good!". Clearly called a made Texas field goal, "That's wide."

Called LenDale White of USC, "LenDale Watson".

At the end of the third quarter, he kept insisting it was a timeout. Finally, someone got in his ear and spared us. "I know you're Keith Jackson, you big ugly, but it's the end of the fuckin' quarter. Clown."

I thought the funniest thing was his promo for Heather Graham's new ABC show, "Emily's Reasons Why Not". "'Don't miss the season premiere of "Emily's Reasons...Why Not'. Emily's Reason...I dunno...Starring Heather...Graham. A new comedy about love, laughter and life, premiering at Monday, 9 central, followed by an all-new 'Jake' ... [world's longest dead air] ... in Progress,' starring John Stah-mos." Stah-mos! Hah! It's like Harry Caray returned to the booth. So sad.

And, of course, Keith had to mention that the clock did not move on the 2-point conversion from Texas with 19 seconds left. Dan Fouts with a great rebuttal: "That's an extra point, it's probably not going to..."

Fouts, however, was pretty good and somehow worked in a "Quidditch" reference after Reggie Bush flew in for a TD. Somewhere, Dennis Miller is smiling. Well, he was good until he brought out the "In-VINCE-able" line he was waiting to use for a month after Young's last TD.

My other pet peeve is that when USC went for it on 4th down to clinch the game, or so they thought, neither Jackson nor Fouts raised the possibility of a punt to pin Texas deep in their own territory, which is the normal play. That would have given Vince Young a much longer field to navigate, 90 yards or so. Or the fact that Bush, the Heisman Trophy winner, isn't even in the game. When White missed the first down, even Fouts got sucked into Jackson's black hole, by circling a ref who he said was the guy to pay attention to, because he was marking the ball. Not so fast, my friend, as the linesman on the other side of the field was the one who was actually giving USC a rather favorable spot, which resulted in a measurement. It was short, and then Young goes down the shorter field and wins the game for Texas.

ABC broadcasts only the Rose Bowl next year, as Fox gets the other 4 BCS games. Keep in mind, Fox will do zero regular season games, so I couldn't tell you who will call these games. But I can guarantee the guy from "House" will be at the championship game, so Fox can promo it. "Hey, is there a Doctor in the house? Why yes, it's Hugh Laurie from the smash hit "House", seen Tuesdays at 9 Eastern/8 Central, right here on Fox." Trust me, it's happening next January.

BTW, the Rose Bowl is replayed on ESPN Classic this Saturday at 7:00. See the demise of Keith Jackson. Again.

Meal of Links

As predicted here, Jon Stewart hosts the Oscars. Keith Jackson apparently turned the Academy down.

Barry Cowsill died. He had been missing since Katrina went through Nawlins. Found on a wharf. That doesn't sound pleasant. Anyhow, the Cowsills performed at the first concert I ever attended. It was at Public Hall. I think I spilled Mayor Stokes' drinks, drank Duke beer, and drunkenly called people from the pay phones. I vowed it would never happen again. Christ, I feel like Earl Hickey. "Thanks, karma."

Do you think we can scare up 20 people to perform at the Super Bowl? I like the fact you need to be part of a formal group, but not really, as long as your group numbers 20. I, of course, will be Group Leader because I said so. We won't actually see the game, but we'll have FUN!

Exercise Yard

Father of mine (who behaved himself) and I attended the CSU-Wright State game this evening. Of course, Cleveland State lost, 58-55, and is winless in league play. I cannot believe it was that close as Wright State, who had not won a road game all year, was up by 8 with 2:50 left. CSU got within 2 as Raheem Moss threw in two three-pointers, but could not do it at the end. CSU could not rebound, shoot, or knock down foul shots. The refereeing was incredibly poor, which is standard for the Horizon League. CSU gets a week off until Detroit, who has not won a road game either, shows up.

Visitor

14 Across: Mendes of "Hitch" (3 letters) Answer: Eva

It's great when you get a week off between the holidays. After that, however, it's the return to work after the New Year begins. Then all of those mid-December coulda, woulda, shouldas show up. So now I'm on the "if I finish up strong this week" kick, I'll be back in good shape.

Meal of Links

Lindsay Lohan admits she needed a samwich. And she took drugs, but not the really bad ones, I'm sure.

Pete Townshend says beware of the iPod, because headphones can cause hearing loss. Daltrey: "Tommy, can you hear me?" Me: "Huh?"

The Consumer Electronics Show began today. Let's see who can build the biggest TV.

Exercise Yard

If you like baseball parks, spend some time here. Not much on Jacobs Field though. I'll give you the full report on the Tribe's Grand Slam Awards Banquet in two weeks. Especially if we encounter the dreaded Casey Blake.

Visitor

46 Across: Franz of "NYPD Blue" (6 letters) Answer: Dennis (not liking the 2006 trend toward two-word answers, not that "Dennis" is two words, but...)

Now that "My Name is Earl" and "The Office" have shifted to Thursdays, I had the opportunity to watch the latest "Frontline" which is about Wal-Mart. I thought it was an excellent primer on how they are in bed with the Chinese to produce cheap products. I do not shop at Wal-Mart. And it's awfully tough to protest the place, because folks just love those low prices. But I've successfully avoided them for years and plan to continue doing that.

Meal of Links

Looks like the Abramoff scandal shifts into a higher gear. This one should make lots of R's and D's real nervous.

"The Chronic-what-cles of Narnia Rap" from SNL. "Google Maps is the best!"

100 things we didn't know last year at this time. The third nipple item is a bit freaky.

Exercise Yard

The Browns accepted the resignation of "Marketing Guy", John Collins today. This concludes the latest bizarre incident of the Browns front office. Did the Lerners run MBNA this way? I guess with no stockholders involved, chaos rules the day in Berea. How about Bernie Kosar for President of the Browns? Football guy who knows how to run successful businesses. Maybe it's time to bring him back.

Visitor

34 Across: Author Quindlen (4 letters) Answer: Anna

Well it's 357 days til Christmas and no, I didn't wind up in a ditch. I finally recovered from the personal disaster that was New Year's Eve. I had way too much to drink, which resulted in all sorts of "Amateur Night" antics. You know, spilling other people's drinks, falling into tables, drunk-dialing, etc. You name it, I probably did it. I think it finally sunk into me that there might be issues when I was being driven back towards the Happy Dog at the end of the evening.

Me: "I'm parked on the other side of Detroit, facing east."
My Designated Driver: "Um, we're driving your car right now."
Me: "Oh." or something as profound.

So, while I think I had fun as it was happening, I have to apologize to everyone involved. Not one of my shining moments.

While I was recovering from a major hangover, I did last through the first half of Sunday's Browns game. Special guest was my brother, Jeff. Browns Version 2.3 was coming off a dud of a game against the Steelers. The opponent: The Baltimore Ravens. I am in pain, let's see if I can make it.

The weather was great for the New Year. A bit overcast and the temperature was about 40 degrees.

The giveaway: None, unless you wanted to fill out MBNA applications.

Not many smells, except that of the Browns defense, offense and special teams in the first half. Special teams saved our bacon in the second half.

The Browns and Ravens contributed to the worst half of football I've seen in a long time. Horrible offenses, too many penalties and not a whole hell of a lot was happening.

The G.E. Smith Band was AWOL. Obviously, a private party paid more then this gig.

Tame crowd in Section 345. I estimate 20,000 no shows and it seemed like the folks were too tired to cheer or make any sort of noise.

Best line (from Jeff in the second quarter): "It's pretty bad when the opening kickoff is your best play."

Best line (from me): "Let's leave." I said this at the half, after watching that 30 minutes of awfulness. Things were not that much better in half number two. The Browns hung in there, but were very lucky to win.

Oddest Browns jersey: 53 UNCK.

Best shirt: "Fuck Modell". Enough said.

I actually bought a $4 hot dog that wasn't bad.

The Village Idiot, Jeff Tanchak, got his mike problems fixed and wished everyone a "Happy New Year".

Best Browns play: In person, none. Northcutt's punt return after I got home.

Best Fan Cam picture: The kid who basically turned to his Dad and said, "Hey look, we're on the Jumbotron."

Worst stat: The Browns had 9 yards on their first 12 plays.

2nd worst stat: The Ravens were 4-18 on third downs. Truly exciting football.

3rd worse stat: The Browns rushing offense totalled 54 yards on 23 carries.

The Browns somehow won this one. A long kickoff return by Cribbs set up the first TD and Northcutt took a punt back for the second TD. In a space of 90 seconds. Much like the Bears game, the Browns played horribly and still came out with a win. They beat the Ravens, 20-16, to finish the season at 6-10. Probably right where they should have finished.

Meal of Links

Tom Shales talks about Dick Clark hosting New Year's Eve. Didn't see it, as I was subjected to Carson Daly on NBC.

Looks like Independence Air didn't make it. I flew them to FLA last year and was quite satisfied. Pretty cool planes and Chuck Berry gave us the safety tips. But I flew really cheap and I'm guessing they couldn't keep up with the costs of running an airline.

"My boy, Blue." passed away.

Exercise Yard

The day after the NFL season ends, and that means coaches are fired. In Minnesota, it looked like they fired Mike Tice on the field, they did it so quick, not even waiting for Monday. The Phil Savage Watch is still on in Cleveland.

Visitor

58 Across: "Wascally wabbit" hunter (9 letters) Answer: Elmer Fudd