Last night, USA Network continued with another of the terrific boxing documentaries that have aired this year by showing the Sundance film, "Ring of Fire". This film detailed the fight where six-time champ Emile Griffith beat Benny Paret to his death inside the ring, after Paret had taunted Griffith about his homosexuality. Great story, and it had interviews with many of those associated with the fight (especially Gil Clancy, Griffith's trainer) and writers of the time (Jimmy Breslin, the late Jack Newfield, and Pete Hamill). Norman Mailer even had a voice-over from his great essay, "The Death of Benny Paret":

"He hit him 18 right hands in a row, an act which took perhaps three or four seconds, Griffith making a pent-up whimpering sound all the while he attacked, the right hand whipping like a piston rod which has broken through the crankcase, or like a baseball bat demolishing a pumpkin."

What a sentence.

After that, Turner Classic got me in a much better mood by showing the great, "His Girl Friday". Cary Grant, as usual, is fantastic in this one.

Meal of Links

Tonight's episode of "The Apprentice" highlighted the flaws of the current season. Tonight's product placement was from Staples. Each team had to invent an office product to solve clutter. Bren and Alex, the two lawyers, came up with a desk that was kinda lame. Remember, Alex was part of the American Eagle group that designed that horrendous clothing that allowed you to take your laptop to the beach. Sort of surfing after surfing, I guess. The other team must have hit Staples' Easy button, as they made a stackable. The Staples people and focus group loved this item or at least that's what they told us. It certainly didn't get too much love in the editing I saw. Anyhow, do we really need another stackable? They won and Bren got the boot. The thing that killed me was that the boardroom crew decided that Bren was no risk-taker and that doomed him. My question is how did that not come up in any of his interviews to get on the show? This is just crazy. And besides, didn't Bren come up with the cucumber porn idea for Dove? That seemed risky, but no one brought that up. As he stated in the cab ride, maybe he was just too tired to put up a fight. Trump says, "Nice Guy. Probably a good lawyer, but he's no entrepreneur." OK, why was he picked? No more exemptions. Tana, Craig and Kendra probably didn't gain much. I mean, as Project Manager, Craig has made a box and a stackable. Jeepers. Alex probably gained the most from this episode by showing he wants it badly.

Ray Davies did not show up to testify in the trial against an accomplice in his shooting last year. He's probably happy that "Picture Book" is being used in HP's digital photography ad campaign and feels no need to come here while touring.

Adelphia finally gets sold. Look for a new e-mail address from me later this year. Looks like Time-Warner grabbed New York, LA and Cleveland.

Exercise Yard

Surprise, surprise. Jim Paxson got fired as Cavs GM today. No playoff appearances, several coaches, and one lucky bounce of the lottery ball. That about sums up his career here. Horrible drafts, head-scratching free-agent signings, letting Carlos Boozer go for nothing, and clearing up cap space not once, but twice. Too bad he won't be around for the second time.

The LeBron Era begins for real, starting now.

Visitor

55 Down: Pitcher Maglie et al (4 letters) Answer: Sals

The final episode (hopefully, just for the season) of "Arrested Development" was this past Sunday. I laughed so much at this show, with lines like this:

Michael (from jail): Since you’re devastating people, go ahead and tell G.O.B. that I’ll be telling the cops that it was him in the truck. So he’ll be joining me here. I’ve got a nice hard cot with his name on it.

Lucille: You’d do that to your own brother?

Michael: I said “cot.”

And there was a surprise cameo from the producer of "Desperate Housewives", a spoof of "Frampton Comes Alive", another "Blue Man Group" reference (with Marshmallows!) and somehow the name of John Larroquette made it into the script.

What other show could have guests like Henry Winkler, Tom Jane, Martin Short, Dick van Patten, Martin Mull, Liza Minnelli, Ed Begley, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Carl Weathers, Dave Attell (as himself!), Zach Braff and Ben Stiller.

Meal of Links

Ben Affleck gets engaged to Jennifer 2.0. Maybe Aniston will be Jennifer 3.0.

George Voinovich comes over to the dark side. I'm not sure if he woke up during a vote and mumbled, "Aye.", or maybe he cried, "I'm doin' the best I can."

My "Movin' Out" theory apparently ends with this Beach Boys flop. Cannot wait for that musical with the tunes of Bell, Biv, Devoe.

Exercise Yard

Bill Simmons' "Fever Pitch" review made me laugh out loud. "That is so you."

Visitor

1 Across: Singer Ronstadt (5 letters) Answer: Linda

Our new pope:



OK, time for a selfish question. Is this the Pope I need to be worried about? Is the Antichrist among us? Someone told me the Antichrist is the U.N. Chaplain. If that's the case, couldn't somebody take him out and be quick about it. If it's not the Chaplain, jeez, what did that guy do to get that rep?

If this new Pope signals the nearing of the end, can someone be definitive with the timing? I may want to hold back on some major purchases.

Meal of Links

Do you recall SCTV? Pope Paul once appeared with Moe Green on "Dialing for Dollars".

Michelangelo had a bit of a problem painting "The Last Supper". Something about 3 Christs, 28 disciples and a kangaroo.

Cardinals Ximenez, Biggles and Fang were the runners-up in today's vote.



Exercise Yard

The only Pope ever to play baseball.



Visitor

3 Down: Author Harte (3 letters) Answer: Bret

There was black smoke coming from the Sistine Chapel today. That means two things. Boog Powell must be catering the event, and they haven't elected this guy yet.



I know I am extremely tardy to this party, but I forced myself to watch one of the "Law and Order" episodes on USA over the weekend. For the first time ever. It was one of the "Criminal Intent" series, that had its first run on NBC a couple of weeks ago. It's not hard to figure why these franchises are so popular. Vincent D'Onofrio is really good as the lead, and not once did I find myself clockwatching. It's horrible when you invest the time and it's 11:50 and you say to yourself, "How are they gonna figure this out?" They wrapped it up in a logical way and maybe I lucked out with a good episode, but it was a pleasant diversion. Don't know if I'll watch a second one, but I was impressed. "And McMahon, I don't impress that easily."

Meal of Links

Batgirl has a nice Indians-Twins series wrap on her blog. She's for the Twins, hence the hostility towards the Tribe.

Clay Aiken visits Dr. Phil tomorrow. Unlike Mark McGwire, he talks about the past. I'm guessing America decides to catch up on sleep during this program.

Shouldn't the NHL playoffs be starting soon? Chris Chelios talks about an old coach of his, Jules Winnfield. "French, motherfucker. Do you speak it?"

Exercise Yard



How can the Washington Nationals not have an eagle as their mascot? Instead, they have come up with a lame bird named "Screech". Wait a minute, it IS an eagle? Good grief. As Foghorn would say, "Go away, boy. You bother me."

Visitor

37 Across: Actress Thurman (3 letters) Answer: Uma, Jerry, Uma

Just a nice guy, trying to make a living. The drumbeat is getting louder on Tom DeLay and let's see if Bush cuts him loose soon.

Meal of Links

Jimmy Kimmel wants to hire a couch potato. Yesterday, I found myself watching wrist wrestling on ESPN and a "Beyond the Glory" episode on Fox about the legends of poker. Am I qualified?

A horse is a horse, of course, of course, unless you're an Italian clone. Clones can't race here in the States, because I don't need to lose bets on Swain again.

Today's paper was kind of dull, but is there an anniversary that was not covered? McDonald's 50th, Oklahoma City, Earth Day. DMX pulling a Billy Joel

Exercise Yard

Inter only got 4 closed-door games as the punishment for "Rocket's Red Glare Night" at the old pitch.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

"Look what they've done to my Market Pavilion, Ma. Look what they've done...". I went to last night's Indians game and sat in the Batter's Eye section. What they've done is, well, they essentially gutted the middle of the seating section of the Market Pavilion. They kept all the tables and chairs that were toward the back, you know the ones where you can't see the game anyhow, and kept those tables and the squeakiest chairs ever, that border the railings.

The Batter's Eye itself, as near as I can tell, is there to sell frozen daiquiris. Somewhat perplexed on how that became a popular drink, but seriously, each side of the four-sided bar had two frozen daiquiri machines. I know those are $9 and you get to keep the glass. The 8 plasma TVs (two on each side) are 20-inch Sonys. So, we are not talking big-time sports bar here. And they had no crowd, but had 12 bartenders. That's right, 9 girls and 3 guys. Basically they just stand around and wait for customers. It's odd as to how they are spinning this like "a Terrace Club for non-season ticket holders", because that's not it at all. I think if they had not panicked and removed most of the seating trying to find new revenue streams, tinkering with, not gutting the old setup was probably the prudent move. I'm sure as summer arrives, it will catch on a little better, but I think doing something like this on the mezzanine level and enclosing it, would have worked.

The Indians, who cannot hit at all lately and are tied with KC and Detroit, lost to Santana without Rob Thomas. Sparse crowd last night. The Tribe now has two young ladies doing the in-house reporting and they are both the cheery types that you hate to see during the game. Got to witness Slider's "Taxman" (think George Harrison) routine last night. Dressed as Uncle Sam, he taxed the shirt right off "#1 Minnesota Fan"'s back. Oh man, that was funny. After that, with a nod to Jack White, "I had a brain that felt pancake batter."

Meal of Links

I can't put my finger on why, but Wendy's upped their reward to $100,000.

I find it fascinating that Michael Jackson has to sell his Beatles catalog, and probably would remain in debt. On a sad note, he also owns "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It". On an even sadder note, I saw Ringo Starr(!) on a Time/Life music ad today.

Keith Richards pays tribute to Johnnie Johnson. You can see his awe for the man in "Hail! Hail! Rock 'n' Roll". That was the movie where I thought Keith was gonna punch out Chuck Berry.

Exercise Yard

I like Gary Sheffield. I would not want to mess with Sheff, but clearly the idiot Boston fan was not going for the ball on Thursday, as the replay shows, it was already past him. He certainly did not look apologetic after the fact, if it was a mistake. The guy in the Gap sweatshirt who poured the beer on Sheff is the kind of punk you wanna have involved in a Slider routine as his punishment. Having said that, Sheff put his hands on the guy and while showing admirable restraint in not going Artest on the guy, he'll pay the piper for that mistake.

Looks like a good Kentucky Derby is coming as Afleet Alex and Bandini romped in their respective preps today. Both members of my fantasy stable, I might add. I am 909 out of 24,163.

Visitor

15 Across: Berra teammate (5 letters) Answer: Maris

It looks like Kendra clinched a spot in the finals of "The Apprentice". She kicked ass on today's task, which was to design a brochure for the new Pontiac Solstice. Her teammates offered zero help, which was cause for previous firings. But she did a great job flying solo, her team won, and is clearly the frontrunner at this point. She's exempt next week, which guarantees a spot in the Final Four.

BTW, Matt Dillon was on a Solstice commercial telling us to order one at 2 p.m. tomorrow.

Angry Non-Homosexual Tobacco Addict was fired tonight, after being a part of the losing team for the seventh week in a row. Editing actually made you feel sorry for the guy, but based on his arrest earlier in the week, he's got a long way to go. Even with affirmation from Trump and Carolyn. Today's episode showed Alex and Tana slipping, Craig probably as a never-was, Bren has yet to pay for the cucumber, and Kendra shining brightly.

Meal of Links

"The Wedding Singer" goes to Broadway. Probably the best of Adam Sandler's post-"Happy Gilmore" movies.

The Yankees have hired a motivation skills coach. "Losing is like a disease...as contagious as the bubonic plague."

Bush says, "Passports? We don't need no stinkin' passports."

Exercise Yard

A nice look back at Jackie Robinson. What a great man and athlete. It's the 58th anniversary of his first game with the Dodgers tomorrow.

Visitor

59 Across: He played Neo in "The Matrix"(5 letters) Answer: Keanu

The NFL is doing their part to ruin some children's holidays. The schedule came out today and the Browns are playing the Steelers on Christmas Eve and the Ravens on New Year's Day. That means some Daddies are gonna spend the holidays getting bailed out of jail.

Meal of Links

Any series that can get Natascha McElhone on TV is a good one. Even though she's a nun. Maybe she'll be a nun where it's really hot.

A problem I'll never have. Marathon runners might drink too much water.

America's most endangered rivers. Of course, Ohio is represented with the Little Miami.

Exercise Yard

I forgot to mention that after the Indians game on Monday I was asked a pretty stupid question. I always put on one of those Chief Wahoo tattoos on my cheek for the Opener. As I was leaving Alesci's, a blonde with a pained look on her face asked me if it hurt. I said, "No...um, it washes off." Idiot.

The Indians locked up Travis Hafner for three years. T-Haf can't field worth crap, but he's a terrific hitter.

Visitor

13 Across: Actress Dickinson (5 letters) Answer: Angie

It was Opening Day yesterday at the old ballpark and it had the normal Cleveland trappings. Bunting, nice day but chilly, big flag in the outfield, and the Indians tied for last place. During this latest streak of attending the Opener, this was the deadest our bleacher section was, by far. Normal drinking, plenty of kids, no foul language makes for a pleasant enough experience.

However, a co-worker of mine was in the mezzanine and had to deal with a lot of drinking. He was two seats from a drunken Grandpa Walton and had a drunk, fat guy in his section with a homemade Browns jersey. He was wearing the number 44DD with a nameplate that read "BOOBIES". I guess it depended where your seats were.

Random thoughts from the game:

Slider had a big promo before the game in which he was supposed to deliver the game ball. They had him in a video with "Truckin'" by The Grateful Dead as music. I wondered aloud if he was getting high, because if you're in the bleachers, you really can't see the board. Anyhow, he finally puts the baseball on the rubber to virtually no crowd reaction. PA man then introduces the umps. He was ignored, it was great. He had no Ho Train, as well.

Tom Hamilton's Tribe introductions were lame. Aaron Boone was introduced with "...and off to a great start..." Huh? Casey Blake was intro'ed with something equally inane.

During pre-game, they actually played a video to the tune of "Galvanize". I thought that a good choice, but the music during the game had me pining for G.E. Smith.

Once the shade reached our row, the temperature dropped at least 12 degrees. Instantly.

It took the scoreboard guy three batters to finally notice the game had started.

They ran out of popcorn and onions.

The new bar in right field, The Batter's Eye, was jammed from the start til the end. Let's see how this plays out during a Wednesday night game.

The two kids in front of us high-fived their Dad after every White Sox out. It was kinda cute, so we started high-fiving my Dad. Even later in the bar. I thought I was in a bowling league.

Some youngsters behind us tried to start a beach ball going three times. Unsuccessful on all three counts. Once the ball was hit to a cop, the second was handed over to a cop, and the third was popped by a fan. Total estimated hits amongst the three was 7.

As you can tell, the game was a bit dull, but that's not why you're there. You're there for "the pageantry of Opening Day." Millwood pitched well, we didn't hit and Belliard got thrown out at third for the first out of the 3rd inning with the play in front of him. Game over.

Meal of Links

Trump gives us the scoop on the final "Apprentice" episode. It's only an hour this time. Thank you, God. He also says Angry Non-Homosexual Tobacco Addict has "got a problem".

W reveals his iPod playlist. I'm amazed that Nitzer Ebb and The Damned are on it. Not really. Think George Jones.

Tom Ford heads over to Estee Lauder. He's the Mark McGwire of fashion, because he saved Gucci. Or something like that.

Exercise Yard

Just another case of Flare Play during a soccer match in Milan.



I can't believe that fans still get away with this crap for Lazio in Serie A.



Visitor

10 Across: Silent-screen star Pitts (4 letters) Answer: Zasu

The Cleveland mayoral campaign has started. I saw the first Frank Jackson commercial yesterday and I found some literature on my door from Judge Triozzi. I'm thinking Jackson would be the current front-runner, but we'll see how the incumbent does. I don't think she has a prayer. And with Regina Brett's (her Pulitzer run?) constant harping on the schools, she's gonna have a tough time convincing anyone she should be re-elected.

Meal of Links

The Cookie Monster is cutting back on cookies. Or lining up a new Showtime series about a fat Muppet.

There will not be a filly at this year's Kentucky Derby. Sweet Catomine ran pretty flat in the Santa Anita Derby and must now be pointed to the Kentucky Oaks. Hey, my upset winner in the BC Juvie, Wilko, finished a hard-charging third.

Why do those Vonage commercials make me laugh? I'm a sucker for Dizzy Bat, however the Batter slays me every time.

Exercise Yard

Cavs beat Milwaukee in a HUGE game last night. After I said they would make the playoffs, they have had some lopsided losses. But they are up by two in the loss column and I still think they are in.

I was checking in on old friend Omar Vizquel to see how he was doing. I noticed he had 4 stolen bases, thus far. But my own personal "Behind the Numbers" reveals that he should have been picked off once, but miraculously made it to second. Some things do not change.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

These are the type of days that make all that bitching about winter worth it. Considering it snowed just 7 days ago, there was nary a cloud in the sky the last two days. So where was everyone today? At the Home Depot. Jeepers, it was really crowded there. And, of course, they only had one cashier at the nursery. But it was good to shed the last of my winter skin while waiting. Tomorrow looks like another gem.

Meal of Links

I think today's PD Business section was a perfect example of how cuts in newsrooms can affect local news coverage. I'm referring to the impending sale of Adelphia. Surely, with 350,000 local Adelphia subscribers, you would think the PD could assign someone to the story. Nope. Instead we get a wire story without any indication if Comcast or Time Warner would be the better choice for us. No offense, but the LA Times had their local angle, as did others.

The Sinn Fein election strategy in the upcoming UK vote.

The Smoking Gun has the latest backstage demands of Ashlee Simpson. They somehow spell "ubiquitous", but can't get "Jif" correct.

Exercise Yard

Golf, especially major tournaments, is so much better when Tiger Woods is involved. He is playing really well (Where's Phil?). But I must say, I've been watching the Masters since I was a wee lad and Chris DiMarco (Where's Phil?) has played the best two-and-a-half rounds that I've seen in many years. He's got a shot to go wire-to-wire. They always say the Masters starts at the 10th tee on Sunday. Unfortunately for the leaders (Where's Phil?), they have to play the back nine twice tomorrow. By the time CBS comes on the air, there could be some major changes. Looks like DiMarco, Bjorn and Woods (Where's Phil?) will duke it out right now, but the completion of Round 3 could determine the final combatants. As a sidebar, I'm curious to see how many times the phrase "Nicely done." is uttered.

Visitor

22 Across: ___-Man (3 letters) Answer: Pac

Blogger.com blew up, so I'm a little late with this because I had to reconstruct the entire thing. The Apprentice was a hoot. First of all, probably because of an angry Domino's Pizza, Trump berates both teams (of course with the audio edited in after the fact) by saying, "If you had done the proper research, you would have known people don't like meatball pizza, they wanted a cheeseburger pizza." Huh? Then why didn't Trump say he liked a cheeseburger so the Apprenti would have made that one. Jeezy Creezy. But was it also foreshadowing of tonight's task? Mmmmm.

Two companies joined the Product Placement Train, American Eagle and Best Buy. The task was for the two teams to develop apparel that would be able to have pockets/pouches/flaps to handle all of the gadgets that one may take with them as they do their daily business. One team came up with Wearable Tech, while the others went with some Beach Wear deal. The Wearable Tech people won with a presentation that was simple and smooth. They did the research and asked AEO customers what their most important gadgets were. Of course, it was the cellphone. The Beach team was terrible and even said the most important gadget was the iPod. Whoops, not everyone has an iPod there, slick.

Angry Non-Homosexual Tobacco Addict lost the Beach team's credit card at Best Buy. Not sure how that happened, but I'm convinced that it was never recovered. Best Buy manager goes into the safe and the card isn't there. I believe the waiting that ensued was because this fiasco went up the corporate chain at Best Buy because they did not want to be the company that lost a Trump credit card on national TV, and the presentation of found credit card was staged. Meanwhile, one of the models left a jacket at team HQ that was included in the presentation. Angie freaked out and basically read her presentation from notes a la 6th grade. Needless to say, she got the boot from Trump.

Trump was a hardass in this episode. He berated the teams for pizza choices; channelled Tom Vu by saying if you hang with losers, you are a loser; yelled at some guy on the phone to prove he's a tough guy; and called Angie "a choker". Angie will deny being a choker to her last breath, but you know Trump will apologize on the finale, otherwise she'll sue for mental anguish. Other highlights, Not George was a woman and Carolyn showed thigh in the boardroom.

Meal of Links

A House committee passed an amendment to an energy bill to extend Daylight Saving Time. It would start in March and end after Thanksgiving. Not sure this really saves energy, as we would be going to work at 8 a.m. in the dark. I think when Nixon did this back in the seventies, it was determined that it didn't work. Then, of course, you have "concerned parent" who keeps children at home since they might get run over going to school.

Tire pressure monitors will be standard by 2008. This will guard against underinflated tires.

Have you tried Google Maps yet? The satellite feature is pretty cool. However, when I put in my address, it points to a spot that is not my house.

Exercise Yard

It's Masters time. It's the time of year you hope for shitty weather because it's tough to sit inside on nice days to watch this tournament. What you do not want is rain at Augusta and unfortunately, that is the case today.

Visitor

55 Across: "The Children's Hour" poet (10 letters) Answer: Longfellow

What do you do when you leave your wallet at home and realize it when you're at work? Well, I was OK with food. Had some yogurt for breakfast and I brought a salad from home. But then I was offered a free lunch and I took advantage of that, as we went to Rockne's.

But I had a problem, because I was near E on the gas tank. So, after work, I bought a whole $2 of gas with eight quarters from my car. I believe the pump read 0.907 gallons. It got me home.

Meal of Links

I am really warming up to the US version of "The Office". I really thought it was gonna suck, but it makes me laugh out loud. The "Diversity Day" episode was especially funny. And the receptionist is a real cutie.

The rapper C-Murder changed his name to C-Miller. Can "See the USA in a C-Miller Chevrolet" be dropped into a hip-hop beat?

The new "Star Wars" is out soon. Therefore, the idiots who stand in lines for weeks to see the new "Star Wars" started to line up. Unfortunately, for them, at the wrong theater.

Exercise Yard

I guess one could rag on Wicky Wicky Bob quite easily after he blew today's game, but I won't. But I will rag on Tom Hamilton's constant carping about White Sox attendance. Today, he was complaining about a crowd of 10,500 in Chicago (noting it wasn't even that large), saying they should draw more and blah, blah, blah. Failing to mention the Sox outdrew the Indians last year. He does this every year in Chicago. I'm not kidding. When the Indians were riding high attendance-wise, he was gloating over the fact the Sox were giving away tickets at BK. Hammy, let me know what the attendance is the day game in May when the Angels are in town. If we are such a great baseball town, we should have tons of folks at that game, right? Oh, he angers me so.

Visitor

4 Down: Beatles drummer before Ringo (8 letters) Answer: Pete Best

I wonder what happened to the kid Dr. Phil described as having the "traits of a serial killer". Curious how his school year turned out.

Meal of Links

Eminem and 50 Cent on the same bill is huge. Columbus gets it.

Podcasting is catching on. I only heard about this a couple of weeks ago. It's a pretty cool idea.

Hitachi says its one-terabyte drive will be ready by the end of the year. Simply amazing.

Exercise Yard

I guess the ball didn't find Casey Blake today. But it did find Jhonny Peralta, as the Indians lost their opener, 1-0. We cut out of work early to see the game, but it was played in 1941 style in an hour and 51 minutes. Omar would have made the play, but how they ruled it a hit escapes me.

Visitor

63 Across: Marie Osmond's brother (5 letters) Answer: Donny

I happened to see Pope John Paul II lying in state this a.m. I was a bit surprised that we were able to see him on TV, but I didn't like the setup. They had him on a tilt and with his hat on, he looked like he was a missile that was about to be fired. And when you have Aaron Brown describing the proceedings, well, the Pope may just get up and walk away.



RIP, Pope JP2

Today is Opening Day for baseball and trust me when I tell ya, I think the Indians are gonna contend. Not for the whole thing, but they can make a run at the division title. Here's why:

The Royals are bad. Detroit is improved. The White Sox dumped a lot of power. The Twins had to let go of some core players for the first time in a while.

But the main thing the Tribe has this year is depth. Both on the pitching staff and the bench. Yeah, I know they are doing it on the cheap and we have Casey Blake in the outfield, but it's a solid bunch.

Starting Pitching: C.C. is OK. A healthy (key word is healthy) Millwood is an improvement. I like Cliff Lee and he should be fine. Not sold on a repeat from Westbrook. A fifth starter is a fifth starter.

Bullpen: A veteran bunch. A healthy Wickman would be tremendous. Veteran setup men: Howry, Riske, Rhodes, Sauerbeck. Not bad.

Position Players: Hafner and Martinez are very good. Aaron Boone makes me more comfortable than Casey Blake. Belliard turns the DP very well, and I think a decent-hitting Peralta would be OK at short. Sizemore and Ludwick should be an OK platoon. Not a big fan of Coco Crisp, but he's improved his offense each of the last three years, but I may have a better arm than him. And you just know the ball will find Casey Blake in rightfield, you just know it. Bench of Cora and Hernandez gives Wedge more flexibility than he's had, now let's see him earn those contract extensions.

Meal of Links

Jessica Alba because, well, she's Jessica Alba.

The surfer girl who lost her arm to a shark has a line of fragrances coming out? How does this happen? And didn't this guy invent "The Beach"? "C'mon, smell my arm."



Has anyone seen the trailer for "Kung Fu Hustle"? I swear it's the voice of Harry Kalas. You know Harry, the voice of the Phillies, who does the NFL Films stuff for HBO. He talks in a very deliberate manner, but I think it's sped up for this trailer and I think it's funny.

Exercise Yard

Had a good fantasy day as the Nick Zito-trained, Jerry Bailey-ridden High Fly won the Fla. Derby. Old School Stables, with that sweep, is now 1,339 out of 24,163. Thistledown opens this weekend (the "real" Opening Day).

Showtime had boxing on last night and could only come up with the unification of the Cruiserweight belts as its main event. Frenchman Jean-Marc Mormeck gave Wayne "Big Truck" Braithwaite a "pneu creve". Entertaining fight, but meant absolutely nothing except for family and friends. And it was in Worcester, Mass, of all places.

Visitor

None, it's Opening Day Sunday.

This is shaping up as one of those days where the closer you are to Lake Erie, you are gonna get snowed on. And it's the heart attack variety of snow. A few miles to the south, it seems like more of a rain event. I am hoping this is one of winter's last gasps, because Opening Day is nine days away. But it's a roller coaster this time of year. Seventies one day, then straight to the thirties a few days later.

As an aside, the Pope is taking a lot longer to die than any network anticipated. I believe they have run out of priests to interview. We may be on to the deacons before this is over.

Meal of Links

Once again, the Plain Dealer with another article on the faith healer. Big-time session at the Bart tomorrow.

Almost got sucked in by this April Fool. Almost.

The Marburg virus continues to kill. An amazing 132 have died out of 140 reported cases.

Exercise Yard

I did a quick check of the NBA standings this morning. I believe the Cavs are going to make it, but probably in the 6th or 7th spot. They have about a 3-game lead, with 12 to play and I'm not aware of strength of schedule of Philly, New Jersey or the Pacers. That should be enough to make it. I guess Orlando's in there also, but I don't see it. A 3-6 matchup vs. Boston would be nice. To face Detroit or Miami, well, that'll be a short visit.

Visitor

53 Down: Singer ___ P. Morgan (4 letters) Answer: Jaye

Saw two things on the turnpike that made me chuckle. There was a pickup with Michigan plates that read "IRAQI". And I got my first look at "The Incredibles" while waiting at the toll booth, behind an SUV with a DVD.

Last night's episode of "The Apprentice" kinda blew chow. Both teams had to come up with a new pizza for Dominos. Of course, Trump had to mention he likes meatball pizza. Therefore, the geniuses on both sides brainstorm and come up with (trumpets blare) a meatball pizza. Kendra, thinking big again, gets office orders instead of relying on by-the-slice orders and her team wins. Fairly nondescript show, as they tried to drum up a conflict between Alex and Chris ("Angry Non-Homosexual Tobacco Addict"). Stephanie got the boot, as we are waiting for this dreadful season to end. Tana spelled mangia M-A-N-G-A and I believe described pizza-making as "rocket scientist", but I'm too lazy to verify the latter.

The highlight for me had nothing to do with the show, but with the advertising. You see, Trump appeared on two commercials for Dominos during the episode. For some reason, they were advertising a cheeseburger pizza, instead of what everyone thought they should be advertising, a meatball pizza. Then, with one of the best ad placements I can recall, a Papa John's ad comes on during a break in the boardroom. Excellent! The founder of Papa John's says "Don't have your pizza made by an apprentice, let a pro make it." I laughed my ass off, because they punked Trump and Dominos on his own show, and it was an ad for a meatball pizza, thoroughly confusing any Dominos message from earlier. I have to believe calls were made to NBC, unless that was a local ad purchase. Regardless, it was beautiful.

Meal of Links

I don't eat in the neighborhood very often, but here's a peek at what makes Applebee's successful.

Leave it to my good buddy, Hitch, to pee on the Pope's parade during his deathwatch. Aye, but his skids toward hell are greased with only the finest grease.



Wow. Jane Fonda still looks pretty good. And she talks of threesomes in her new book. Hello.

Exercise Yard

It's time for Fantasy Baseball. We usually play the Sporting News game at work, for shits and giggles. You get $30 million to spend and it's a tough cap.

My team (Larry Dolan's Car):

Pitchers: Johan Santana, Gil Meche, Danny Haren
Catcher (gulp!): Miguel Olivo
First/Third Baseman: Robb Quinlan
Second Baseman/Shortstop: Rafael Furcal
Outfielders: Miguel Cabrera, Jeremy Reed

Visitor

19 Across: Brooks of "Spenser: For Hire" (5 letters) Answer: Avery

Looks like the Pope is on the ropes. He is a good man and genuinely likes kids. And not in a kid-toucher kind of way, either. He'll knock Schiavo off the front pages with ease. Strange bunch at the pearly gates this week: Paul the Cook, Johnnie Cochran, Mitch Hedberg, Schiavo, maybe the Pope.

Meal of Links

Another result of crazy weather this year. Yes, flowers in Death Valley.

Ozzy Osbourne, once more, finds trouble. "Burnin' down the house."

With all the death in the air, did anyone notice Goldman Sachs prediction of $105 barrels of oil? That would be huge kick to the economy's gonads.

Exercise Yard

A Flock of Seagulls invades Melbourne. Not the band, actual birds that mucked up a horse race in Oz.



Visitor

32 Down: Joltin' Joe (5 letters) Answer: DiMag

My good neighbors told me today that they might be putting their house up for sale. Something about a house in North Royalton. I've noticed this past winter they were not as meticulous in clearing snow. So they mentioned the house is just too big for the two of them. So, this will be the another house for sale on my street. It's funny, Future Felon finally leaves, and now everyone wants to join him.

Meal of Links

Suge Knight has to pay $107 million to someone who should have been sharing Death Row profits. Man, that is a huge settlement. He'll need more hits. Quickly.

"Do you want to have the full argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?" The funniest Python sketches.

Batman and his boners. "Holy Outdated Words, Batman."

Exercise Yard

The Browns continue to dump last year's line and picked up Reuben Droughns. I believe this is using addition by subtraction to its fullest. BTW, they haven't sent out season ticket notices yet.

Visitor

21 Down: New York Times columnist Maureen (4 letters) Answer: Dowd

I am usually not surprised when I hear a famous person has passed away. But the passing of Johnnie Cochran caught me off guard. Regardless of his courtroom tactics, he was one of the best advocates you'd ever want. Went against the police in many high-profile cases and won a good deal of them.

I still have a picture of him from the O.J. trial on my refrigerator. I cut it out from USA Today the day it appeared and it is still there. With that great caption, "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit."



Meal of Links

The U2 tour started in San Diego last night. San Diego Setlist. 115 minutes long. 8.5 months to go.

Speaking of tours, I noticed the Average White Band is coming to town. Actually, to Sheffield Lake. At the Quaker Steak & Lube. Are they performing or eating there? I'm very confused about this. Is this outdoors and do I have to make a sign like the "Today" show?

If you need an excuse, here are 3.6 million of 'em.

Exercise Yard

Take some time and read Paul Shirley's blog on NBA.com. He is the 12th man on the Phoenix Suns (life could be worse, eh?) and has some neat insight on his lot in life. Funny, as well.

Visitor

16 Across: Title girl in a Kinks hit (4 letters) Answer: Lola

Burger King is now officially trying to kill us with their latest creation, the Enormous Omelet Sandwich. This monstrosity has more calories and fat than a Whopper. At least it's not known as an "Enormous Omelet Sandwiches".
I mention that because of the McDonald's commercial that ran countless times during the NCAAs. That girl who says, "a woman is like a McGriddles." Isn't it a McGriddle, singular? Can't her friend speak up and say, "It's McGriddle, you idiot!" I've never had a McGriddle and probably won't because of this annoying ad. I expect her closing line to be "a woman is like coffees." It makes me think of Mr. Mike from the old SNL...I want to put spikes in my eyes every time this comes on.

Meal of Links

The drummer for Crowded House, Paul Hester, hanged himself in a park in Australia. Very sad, as they were a great band. The youngsters may know him as Paul the Cook from The Wiggles.

Sheesh. Another McDonald's item. Mickey D's is offering Benjamins to hip-hop artists who work the words "Big Mac" into their songs. "White Castle fries only come in one size."

There is a new way to treat cat allergies. Of course, more study is needed.

My God, there is a woman on my TV saying, right now, that Terri Schiavo is "very verbal". Who are these people? This friend says she talked with Terri and when she mentioned dancing, both of Terri's arms would raise up. Incredible. It's interesting that as the end approaches, she certainly is getting peppier.

Exercise Yard

Mexico beat the USA in a World Cup qualifier. All signs point to Mexico regaining top club status in the region. I've been in Azteca Stadium and when you have 110,000 partisan fans, it is an impressive sight.

Visitor

49 Across: West of old films (3 letters) Answer: Mae

I put aside hoops for a time this a.m. to finally watch the latest episode of "The Apprentice". This week's corporate placement was done by Home Depot. The winning team built a box and they won. Are you kidding me? The chick from Home Depot said it was one of the best "Do-It-Yourself" clinics that she had seen. My God, I may have to shop at Lowe's now. The losing team tried to build a utility cart, which I thought Stephanie had suggested, but editing must have led me away from the actual idea coming from Angie. But Erin got fired after not keeping her mouth shut and what was with her winking after what she thinks are clever comebacks? Carolyn didn't like that at all. At least Erin brought some fun to the proceedings. It's pretty obvious Angie won't make it. "Young Tobacco Addict" will not make it. I think they may have to change teams again, but I'm thinking Bren, Alex and Kendra are looking good, as it stands now. Craig, er, nope. No one likes prayer meetings at work. Stephanie, I don't think so. Tana...hopefully a higher being intercedes before she's picked.

Meal of Links

A Tom Sizemore update. Probably won't do much time on his latest conviction.

Clear Channel develops a live Internet concert series. We'll see if this flies. People get music from so many non-Clear Channel methods, I'm not sure traffic will be driven to their sites.

The Pope did a pop-up by his window this a.m. The man is really media-savvy.

Exercise Yard

Cannot imagine how Illinois beat Arizona yesterday. An amazing comeback in front of a really loud partisan crowd for Illinois. Hard to figure how Salim Stoudamire (who might be the next Iverson from a can't-stand-to-lose perspective) from Zona does not get the ball at the end of OT.



"Lemme think this through...Get it to my forward so he can dribble lots of time off the clock. Make sure he's 20 feet from the basket. Try a ball fake and then throw up a prayer. Don't have my best player or big man touch the ball. Let's do it. 1-2-3-LOSE!"



Maybe this old squad leader called the play.

And remember what I said about end-of-game celebrations. The slo-mo of the Illinois bench emptying onto the court is hilarious. There are student managers running and hopping on the court with absolutely no idea what to do once they get to the pack.

Visitor

None, it's Easter Sunday.

Had a nice late Good Friday afternoon at O'Riely's at Cedar Center yesterday. Terrific crab cake sammie and a few Harps. But here are some thoughts I had while running a few errands today:

One station at NCB hasn't replaced their pens in months.

There was a guy at the bank with a Blue Man Group cap on. I laughed hysterically to myself.

XM actually played a song by Blancmange today. Blancmange!

The guy manning the Kronheim's sign at West 130th was waving his hand. Seems harmless, until you realize it is a white glove the size of a Mickey Mouse hand.

I needed to buy some vodka for Bloody Marys. So I go to Southland Beverage and all of a sudden, there are a lot of people in the vodka section. Typical chatter on how good Belvidere or Three Olives is, while I'm waiting for them to leave, so I can buy Kamchatka. I mean there should be a separate section for vodka, if you need it for Bloody Marys. I felt like I needed to explain my purchase to all involved.

At Marc's, I was in line behind Impatient Bastard Old-Timer. He couldn't wait for his wife to get two items, so she shows up, while he's checking out in front of me. Then he started pushing my cart out of the way, while I'm paying. Hey, slow down, fool.

I finally figured out the Vytorin commercial. I am an idiot.

Meal of Links

The song in the iPod Shuffle commercial is "Jerk It Out" by The Caesars. Kind of peppy.

Bobby Fischer in exile in Iceland, bashes the US again. But what really hurts is he says "Chess is dead."

FHM picks Angelina Jolie as the sexiest woman on earth. Tough to argue.

Exercise Yard

My big upset in the NCAAs Villanova over North Carolina did not take place. I am in a precarious position with my brackets. I thought CBS was going to rip me off and not allow me to enjoy the final 14 seconds of the Duke game. But they did, letting me see Coach K lose. Even Tom Izzo has had enough of him.



Gee, we finally get to see Louisville today.

Visitor

2 Down: 1992 Lifetime Achievement Grammy winner (7 letters) Answer: Hendrix

I saw a rather odd sporting event on the tube today. ESPN Classic had six-hour coverage of only the 17th hole at the TPC. This is the famous water hole at Sawgrass, but it shows how much the tournament is identified with that hole. Could not do that at many places, but how about showing the drunkfests at those par threes at Scottsdale and Detroit? More coverage tomorrow, especially that it's bad weather for the Jesus Open.

Meal of Links

Seinfeld's TV Dad dies. "My wallet's gone...my wallet's gone."

Hyundai makes XM a standard feature. Chalk up another one for my team.

Looks like Sony may find room for both Blu-Ray and HD-DVD. Apparently, they saw a warehouse full of Betamaxes.

Exercise Yard

You know Fantasy Baseball is out of hand when there are articles on how Barry Bonds' injury affects Fantasy owners. How do you think the real owners of the Giants feel?

Visitor

15 Across: Jack of "The Great Dictator"(5 letters) Answer: Oakie

I've noticed lately that when famous people die, many of the obits gloss over some of the, shall we say, darker moments of their lives. It is a tough spot, because I think you want to be respectful. Of course, if you are infamous, they'll kick you as you leave the planet, without a second thought. I think a good example was last year with Reagan. If I hadn't lived through it, I would have come away with the feeling that he was like my neighbor. Jeepers, the guy couldn't say the word "AIDS", let alone do anything about it.

The latest in this trend is John DeLorean. In the US obits, like CNN, they focus on his design skills and rise through GM and, of course, mention the "Back to the Future" angle. But in the UK, he is characterized, perhaps rightly so, as "the man who fooled the world", with no mention of the movie. The difference is really striking.

Meal of Links

Line up for those PlayStation Portables. I'm southpaw-challenged, so I gotta pass on this one.

I've never heard of the Marburg virus (Marburg? He owes me money.), but it seems that it has a high death rate of those who contract it.

Whitney Houston is back in rehab. Probably having a duet with Billy Joel right about now.

Exercise Yard


You can't have your coach dress like this for a game. You just can't. Larry Brown's ties probably cost more than George Karl's outfit, even with the throwback. It looks comfy, though.

Visitor

20 Across: 1980 Australian antiwar film (13 letters) Answer: Breaker Morant

Sarah Jessica Parker got the boot from the Gap ads. I never watched "Sex and the City", but I did watch "Square Pegs" ("Steve Sax, Rookie of the Year"). But I cannot recall any other actress who alternates between looking good and looking hideous like her. She had to be the basis for that "Seinfeld" episode with the alternatively pretty and ugly girlfriend.

Meal of Links

Having fun when signing credit card receipts. The worst place to sign is the Best Buy reader. Try to keep your name on that line.

Shots were fired at a Nas concert in London. Must be that East End-West End rivalry.

Earl Watson, of all people, may have started the jersey popping trend. It's hard to be original when celebrating a basketball win these days. I hate when the guy runs around the court at full speed and ignorant teammate (usually last guy on bench) gets in the way.

Exercise Yard

Barry Bonds is tired. So tired that he may quit the game. I think he knows he'll be out a while, because his knee isn't responding. But I did find it ironic his son was wearing a Barry Sanders jersey during what may have been his farewell.

Visitor

31 Across: Hedy of "Algiers" (6 letters) Answer: Lamarr

Oh no, my brackets are in trouble. I got nice wins from Villanova and NC State yesterday, but losing Wake has me hanging by a thread. I need Villanova and Kentucky to keep winning.

Meal of Links

It's Eddie Money's birthday. Look for him at a food festival near you.

Bobby Short died. Remember him from the "Charlie" commercials? "There's a fragrance that's here to stay and they call it Chah-leee!"

Kojak is back! Who loves ya, baby. I'm the one.

Exercise Yard

The Cavs fired Paul Silas today. The team was just not getting it done lately. Yesterday, LeBron scores 56 and they lose. Silas was coaching the team as if he thought he was going to be here a while. The non-playing of McInnis yesterday was a real puzzler. I hope Flip Saunders comes here. I know the #2 man in Detroit under Dumars is the guy they want as GM. Let's see if the late move works.

Visitor

6 Down: Fashion pioneer Gernreich (4 letters) Answer: Rudi

I'm doing backflips because I go back to work tomorrow. Another vacation, sadly over. Next scheduled event: the annual Good Friday gathering at O'Reily's. No more alcohol in the morning, no more live college basketball, no more goofing off...well, all day goofing off. Umm, what is that Mega Millions up to? My Sonic franchise is calling me.

Meal of Links

Longtime fave Sandra Bullock is 40. And still making movies and loooking as good as ever.

DaimlerChrysler says hydrogen cars by 2012. I think the new Innerbelt Bridge will be done by then, if you need a reference point.

The case of Terry Schiavo lives on. This case seems to have attracted its share of nuts, from the mouth tapers to Ten Commandments guy driving around FLA to of all people, Bo Gritz, who got arrested yesterday. Seems Bo wanted to make citizens arrests in the case. That hasn't happened since this guy tried it.



Exercise Yard

The two second round games at the Bart were pretty good. My bracket blew up right in front of me as I saw Wake Forest, my pick to win it all, lose in double overtime to West Virginia and their roid-riddled male cheerleading squad. They did a test of strength with the one-handed lift and I think the Mountaineer is still lifting that girl, as I write.

Chris Paul needed to take the game over earlier than he did for Wake. WVU had a great effort as local boy, Mike Gansey, did real well. Wake's lack of defense got them a lot earlier in this tournamant than I thought. I mean, WVU over 100 points? And Coach Prosser's post-game comments about "protecting higher seeds", because it was a supposed home game for WVU, is nutty. I thought Thursday's crowd was more loaded with actual WVU people. The crowd always loves the underdog. Skip, you play...to win...the game. I don't care if Duke and UNC played in Charlotte, mind your own bidness.

In Game 1, BC acted as if they had never seen a press and got whipped by this year's Cinderella, Wisconsin-Milwaukee. I have rarely seen a team on any level get so thoroughly befuddled by a press. Al Skinner coached this game almost as thoughtfully as Alabama's coach on Thursday. Crowd was for UWM in a big way, but adjustments don't seem to be Skinner's forte.

The team I wish I had respected a bit more was Washington. An undersized team, they hit the boards crazy like a Michigan State or a Pitt. Tough team.



Those expressions absolutely slay me.

Visitor

None, it's Palm Sunday.

I'm changing my social statements from bracelet wearing to message taped over mouth.

BTW, I ordered U2 tickets this morning. Amazingly, I had to do it the old-fashioned way...via the phone. Their server was hosed. If you could get to the purchase page, the image of the secret word would not show up. Then if you escaped back to the main page, it was the old "Unable to Connect to Server" page. So I had to go to Plan B, the Ma Bell route, and actually got in over the phone.

You learn something new every day, because if your order exceeds $500 at Ticketmaster, they will not send tickets via regular mail. The options were e-mail, UPS or Will Call. You actually get hardcopy tickets with UPS or Will Call. I opted for the e-mail tickets because I didn't want to give those bastards any more money.

I already received them via the e-mail. It's pretty cool.

As the Ticketmaster gal said, we are going to see the U2 "Ver-tee-go" tour.

Meal of Links

19 Entertainment got bought by the man who owns Elvis. With a hunka, hunka burning cash.

Freddie Couples is the latest to drop an F-bomb on TV. Golf is such a relaxing game.



Holy hell, it's Holy Week.

Exercise Yard

Robbie Alomar retired today. A sure bet for the Hall of fame when he left Cleveland, but ever since then, he has been a shadow of his former self. World Series titles will help him, but he's probably a borderline pick.

If I hear Clark Kellogg say "Germain Mopa Njila" one more time on CBS today, I will hit him.

Visitor

20 Across: 40's-50's shortstop (5 letters) Answer: Reese

It's March Madness, baby! Yesterday's games at the Bart were OK.

Game 1 was an upset. Wisconsin-Milwaukee with head coach, Tony Soprano, beat Alabama. A lackluster effort by everyone involved with Alabama. The team, cheerleaders, band, and mascot, "Big Al" all looked like they would rather be somewhere else.



In Game 2, Boston College thrashed Penn. BC was not going to let a 13 seed beat them.



In the third game, Wake Forest played the first 18 minutes as if they were sleeping, but eventually whipped Tennesee-Chattanooga.



The best game of the day was the last one, as West Virginia won on a fast-break dunk in the closing seconds to beat Creighton. Things wrapped up with some Midnight Madness.



I saw these celebrities: LeBron James, Wayne Embry and Boston Globe sportswriter, Bob Ryan.

Best Team: Boston College looked really good on Thursday.
Worst Team: Alabama. Terrible effort and coaching. They didn't get out of the 2-3 zone until UWM had torched them for many, many threes.

Best Band: I'm going with West Virginia on the basis of "Time Warp".
Worst Band: Creighton. They didn't too much of a pre-game, because of logistical trouble in their band area...too many drums.

Best Mascot: A fairly weak bunch. But I'm going to go with Baldwin, the Boston College Eagle mascot. Deductions for break dancing, but points for a cool surfing thing he did with the cheerleaders, where he was actually the surfboard.
Worst Mascot: Creighton. Hard to fire up a crowd wearing a Blue Jay outfit.

Best Cheerleaders: Boston College. 2 really cute ones.
Worst Cheerleaders: Creighton. I am not picking on Creighton, but their whole game package seems to espouse some sort of Midwestern values when life was simpler, but the group seemed like they were a kind of drum corps cheerleading outfit.

To be fair, many of these schools may be on spring break and I'm not sure the full squads were represented.

Ashley Judd is writing a guest column about her Kentucky Wildcats during the NCAA tournament. But she's in South Africa this weekend and can't see the game in person.

Meal of Links

Looks like Lil Kim is headed to prison for perjury. Lying to the grand jury is not a good thing.

The Playstation Portable has some manufacturing concerns. Get yours early, they will be hard to find.

In Florida, some drivers hit some cows on the frreway. Last night, while leaving the Hanna Garage after March Madness, I saw a Holiday Inn Express courtesy van hit a pizza delivery car and tear off its front bumper. Humorous because piiza guy kept driving with bumper dangling in front.

Exercise Yard

The Congressional hearing on steroids took place yesterday. I have this Tivo'ed and will watch to see who looked good or bad.



Visitor

21 Down: Wilder in front of the camera (4 letters) Answer: Gene

This is unbelievable. After watching "Boxers and Ballerinas" at the Film Fest today, I went to Alesci's for some post-movie beer. When I needed to add money to the meter, some guy tried to scam me. Remember back in September when a guy tried to scam me on the Jennings Freeway about being from Detroit ("Sterling" he said) and he was down here to get a breathing machine and needed gas money? Well, that same guy tried to scam me this afternoon with the same story. So there I was on Huron, and I told the guy, "You know something. You tried to pull the same shit on me on the Jennings Freeway one day last year. It was you!!!" Then I repeatedly yelled at him, "It was you!!!" until he went around the corner of the Winking Lizard and down Prospect. I felt like the Old Lady on 47th Street from "Marathon Man" yelling, "Szell! Szell! Szell!"

Meal of Links

Robert Blake gets to join O.J. on the golf course.

CNN reups Larry King for five more years. Water is wet...

On this St. Patrick's Day, it appears the IRA is losing popularity abroad.

Exercise Yard

March Madness starts tomorrow and I get to see my pick to win it all, Wake Forest, at the Bart.

Visitor

42 Down: Physicist Fermi (6 letters) Answer: Enrico

Back from Tampa. Spent several days in FLA with some old friends from Ohio. Terrific weather for the most part and had a great time. You know, baseball...beach...grouper. Lovely way to spend March afternoons.

I flew Independence Air through DC to Tampa. They have new Airbuses (Airbusi?) that are kinda neat. But the low fares attract people like:

NASCAR couple who were flying from Cleveland to Las Vegas. The type you don't want telling others where they are from. He was the only guy to get wanded when I passed through security.

Before taking off from DC to Tampa, I hear this line uttered behind me: "My Jewishness is strange. My Jewishness is unique." I thanked my God for the iPod, praying for the 10,000 foot barrier quickly, because I was thinking about bailing on the runway. This was a young girl who did not shut up for the entire flight. When I had to turn off the iPod, I caught this: "Sometimes when I go to dinner with friends, I cry and tell them: "I didn't have many friends when I was young." I guess she didn't see my thought bubble, because she kept talking.

And then there was the steward, who looked like this guy:



Then on the flight back home to Cleveland, someone had a Pomeranian on board. Such a quiet dog, he says, noting how slow sarcasm can actually drip.

Meal of Links

Bernie Ebbers...GUILTY. I hope he does some time. Like maybe the 85 years max.

FCC rules this is not indecent. I rule it bad acting.



Oddly enough, Phil Spector liked to play with guns.

Exercise Yard

Lots of baseball in FLA. Saw the Tigers-Yankees on Friday and the Tigers-Mets on Sunday. Was part of a record crowd at Joker Marchant Stadium on Friday. (Joker, Joker, Joker!) It is a really neat little place, they did quite a job with the redo. Saw Rondell White crush two homers for Detroit, Maggs hit one, Giambi took steroids for the Yanks. On Sunday, we sat 6 rows behind the catcher and waved to all the people in New York who were watching, even though we weren't on the cellphone. Piazza DH'ed. Kris Benson pitched, no Anna. New York fans are a tiresome lot though.

Lakeland puts Winter Haven to shame. Went to see the Mets-Indians on Monday, but it rained like cats and dogs, and was cancelled. Pedro was gonna pitch, too. Saw him toss 5 warmup pitches in the pen before the rains came and washed all the crops away. Wait a minute, that was "Patches", not Pedro. The ground crew was heinous, as they couldn't put the tarp down on the field, because it rained so much, it was too heavy to pull. It was the first time we were behind a pole since Municipal Stadium. They now have an Applebee's across from Chain O'Lakes Park. And no, we didn't go to Beef O'Brady's.

Visitor

47 Down: Old Testament prophet (6 letters) Answer: Isaiah

I saw 20 minutes of what may have been the most startling reality show yet. Did anyone catch "The Starlet" last night? This is on the WB. A group of 10 wannabe actresses are put through tests to become the next "The Starlet". But in the short time I saw this program, the acting class consisted of women trying to turn on a teddy bear,



then they must have gone down to the local Eunuch Shop and found 8 guys. Their sole mission was to sit in a chair while each of the eight potential "starlets" did a lap dance. The final part of the show was a re-enactment of the hot tub lesbian kiss from that long departed show, "Fastlane". I'm not one to watch a lot of reality TV, but I must say this could be the cheesiest one ever and you need to see the replays of the first two episodes tomorrow on the WB.

I'm in Operation Shutdown for the next several days as I am getting out of this cold weather!!!

Meal of Links

CBS reveals the announcing teams for March Madness. The latest Bracketology has Kentucky coming here. And, of course, she will be here.



Russell Crowe says there was a plot to kidnap him. Why would he bring it up now? Oh yeah, he's been out of the news lately and he has a movie out in 2 months.

Deion Sanders has become the Duke Slater of the NFL. Speaking of Must See TV, it is The Hot Dog Express.

Exercise Yard

I haven't spoken of the Browns lately, but they seem to making some decent moves. They dumped "Big Money". He may be a Pro Bowler eventually, but he it wasn't happenin' here. Trent Dilfer is a suitable band-aid at QB. Two offensive lineman signed...that's good. New punter...good. We cut Robert Griffith, but have our number 2 pick from last year, Sean Jones, to fill in. Plus, Gary Baxter is an improvement over Anthony Henry. I guess we thought we had Lewis Sanders, but he left for Houston. Marques Douglas might be next. Nothing earth shattering, but real solid moves, this far.

Visitor

7 Down: Mentalist Geller (3 letters) Answer: Uri

Someone told me to check out Jackie Guerrido, the weather gal on Univision. Jesus Cristo!



Univision, where the weather is always caliente.

Meal of Links

The U2 tour hits Cleveland on December 10. It's a Saturday. Of course, if there is a Browns conflict...(That's a joke, son.)

Speaking of tours, I got an e-mail from the House of Blues. They have a 2 for Tuesday ticket thing going. Today's bands included the Psychedelic Furs. Even if you hated the band, 2 tickets for $17.50 is a pretty good deal.

Reverend Al says a 90-day ban for those who use violence as a promotional tool. Look out Kenny G-Unit.

Exercise Yard

How do you hold a congressional hearing on steroids in baseball and not invite Barry Bonds? Then to threaten subpeonas to those who don't show is fairly stupid. It's grandstanding.

Visitor

60 Down: Astronaut Grissom (3 letters) Answer: Gus

I like XM Radio, but they sent me a price increase yesterday. It's going up three bucks a month. I have a long term contract, so I have to see what my additional costs will be. The added features they give me are the Extreme channel and XM online. The online feature isn't a bad one at all, as it gives a little more flexibility to listen on the homefront. The Extreme channel must mean the Opie & Anthony experiment has failed. I'm sure the $1.99 extra for that channel was not generating enough listeners, so they raised the price and tossed it into the mix. Stern listeners should pay attention.

The other neat thing I got this week was the second-generation (i.e. cheaper) iPod mini in gorgeous silver. Now this thing is pretty cool. I love the sound and with St. Pat's coming, hearing Flogging Molly on full tilt isn't bad. And it has some oomph for its size. As I learn more, it should become even better.

Meal of Links

In case anyone cares, Dan Rather's last night is on Wednesday. Kind of an inglorious end to a glorious run. Not sure if his demise was caused by bias, but it was surely moved along by sloppiness.

Formula One opened last night. The new rules seemed to work as Renault (huh?) finished first and third. Fisichella dominated. Bo Derek was in attendance and waved the checkered flag, and I don't really care how many times she has visited Murray's for new parts, I think she still looks pretty fine.



As Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelfat battle later today, I'm contemplating buying Bo Derek a hot dog.

Exercise Yard

Declan's Moon, a member of my Fantasy team (Old School Stables), won the Santa Catalina yesterday. The road to the Kentucky Derby finally started this weekend, because a couple of major preps, including the Florida Derby, have been pushed back this year. In the Fountain of Youth, I had the winning jockey (Bailey) and trainer (Zito), so I had a nice day.

Ouch. The US of A is in trouble vs. the Croats in Davis Cup.

Showtime is really pumping up the Tszyu-Hatton fight in June. Hatton looked Cartman-like this weekend, so he better get moving. But two good fights last night. "Left Hook" Lacy won his in 7, and Castillo beat Diaz, with the help of the old accidental headbutt, which rendered Diaz' left eye useless. Two things surprised me about the card. First of all, the big sponsor was...eBay Sports. That was the first time I had seen that logo plastered everywhere during any event. And Richard Steele reffed the main event. I thought he had become a promoter. And I got to see Dr. Flip Homansky at ringside. That name makes me laugh each time I see it.

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None, it's Sunday.

"Don't fire me because I'm beautiful."

I think I witnessed the wackiest "Apprentice" ever on Thursday. First of all, there was no O'Jays theme. Huh? Did they use copyright money to bail out Levert over the weekend? Then we had an Audrey meltdown, the tasks were on for all of what, 15 minutes? The boardroom was on for 30 minutes! Wow, the editors must really be working hard, because it's apparent these folks are not giving them much to work with.

I happened to catch two "Seinfeld" episodes fore and aft, and they somehow related to the show. First of all, they fired Rula Lenska...I mean Audrey. In a speech that seemed to be channeling "The Letter" from "Seinfeld", Rula...I mean Audrey goes off on how her parents went off to prison and left her with nothing. Nothing! As Seinfeld says, "She's a thief, a bunco artist!" because on "The Apprentice" website, Audrey seems to trumpet the fact that she sold her parents' home for a $15,000 profit, while they were in the Graybar Hotel. Then she continues to go off on how she wanted to scar herself when she was younger because everyone thought she was be-yoo-tee-ful. Yeah, she's scarred, but I think it's her vision.

Anyhow, this week's task was to run a miniature golf course at Chelsea Piers. The Book People went with a safari theme and Kendra saved the day by getting exclusive co-promotional rights at the other attractions. The Street People went with the dreaded circus theme. Bright idea for the kiddies. Reminiscent of Stephen King's "It"--"Can't sleep, clown will eat me." or "The Opera" from "Seinfeld" You know, the Crazy Joe Davola episode. [Davola (dressed as Pagliacci): "Are you still afraid of the clowns?" Kramer: "Yeahhhhh."] So, they dress as clowns and, of course, the kids are terrified. It doesn't help that one of the guys is chewing tobacco. Obviously, the Books win and smoked the other team by $200.

The winners got to play golf at a Trump club in Jersey with Trump and "one of the greatest golfers in the world", Christie Kerr. They show up in the Trumpcopter. Erin golfs like Happy Gilmore. Make that a truly awful Happy Gilmore and Trump refers to her stroke as "delicate". Stephanie, looking for affirmation, can be seen behind Erin hoping Trump would critique her swing. She said earlier she had played golf and was probably hoping for a round by herself with Trump.

In the boardroom, it was obvious Rula...I mean Audrey, was going down. John made a comment about her being a "22-year-old girl" and that she was "beautiful and smart" and that didn't sit well with this week's George substitute, "Ken Doll". On the surface, that would seem bad, but Trump himself kept bringing up the beauty part. When it came time to pick the "choices to be fired", Audrey picks three. Angie, John and tobacco-chewing clown. Clown will be gone soon, because Trump called him an addict. What bothered me about choosing three was Danny got an earful from Trump about breaking rules when he got canned. For Audrey choosing three, he said, "OK, if you want to choose three, I'll let you." Come on, Donald, rules are rules. Aren't they? Carolyn then layeth the smackdown on Audrey and Trump fires her. Then he says, "At least they can't say I picked the best-looking one."

I think he just dissed the remaining females, didn't he? Or was he just overwhelmed by Rula's...I mean Audrey's, beauty. Next week, the teams get changed.

Hooray.

Meal of Links

I can't remember the last time we had an oops moment like this. You mean we fired upon the Italian journalist hostage, who had been freed earlier? Ay carumba. But was her kidnapping a hoax? Mmmmmm.

I had my taxes done today. Keep in mind, city taxes are now due on April 15, not April 30, as had been the custom.

Delphi has their own accounting scandal. It's significant because they are the largest auto parts maker in the U.S.

Exercise Yard

Busy slate today. The Cavs bench is just killing them right now. Traylor moves into the starting lineup...don't mind that yawn. Could have made more moves at the deadline.

Formula One, another sign of spring, is on from Down Under on Speed tonight.

Showtime comes through with another good fight, at least on paper, tonight. It is Castillo and Diaz. Jeff "Left Hook" Lacy on the undercard.

And I Tivo'ed Norwich City and Chelsea. Shhhh, don't tell me who won.

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6 Down: "West Side Story" Oscar winner (6 letters) Answer: Moreno

Normally, I am pretty vigilant about not buying food at those combination gas station joints. I have doubts about the quality. But Sheetz has the best food, by far. While I was in under the deadline to get $1.87 gas today, I tried the meatball sammie, which was on sale for $1.99. Lemme say this, it was pretty damn good.

Meal of Links

There are fears of another hip-hop war in NYC. Wouldn't it be funny if Lohan and Duff would get into a feud?

As alluded to before, oil prices are reaching record highs. I thought Michael Moore said prices would go down, because Bush was friends with the Saudis. What happened?

Here's a QuickTime mashup of "Office Space" and "SuperFriends". Michael Bolton.

Exercise Yard

The Indians won their first spring training game today. It's always great to hear the first game, but have you tried to listen to these games? It's still like listening to an infomercial. Hammy must have mentioned that Open House on Saturday at least ten times. But I got to heckle Coco Crisp, as I have to round into form myself.

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19 Down: "Lovergirl" vocalist Marie (5 letters) Answer: Teena

I do not watch "The Bachelorette". But I work with a couple of guys who do, one of who probably will start stalking Jen Schefft now that she dumped that guy last night. I heard the show was brutal and uncomfortable. But here's what we found out.

Since the final taping, the couple had scheduled three meetings. First one went OK. Second one revealed that dude moved to LA to pursue an acting career, and doing this show was not related to that, so he said, so Jen thought he was a phony. Plus it didn't help that his gallery job was not what it was cracked up to be. By mid-January, they knew it was over and that's why Jen was a bit agitated about the ring thing. Show is now 1-for-6.

Meal of Links

Martin Bashir refuses to answer some questions at Jacko's trial. Nice start. I'm sure Jacko will refuse when it is his turn.

An excellent read on music licensing for DVDs. I mean they don't have Billy Joel on "Bosom Buddies" anymore.

The era of the department store seems to be ending. Let's face it, you can shop at home in your jammies.

Exercise Yard

ESPN's latest Bracketology. Cleveland could be better, but not so bad right now. They have Pitt and Miami...in Tucson? Jeepers, that game might be in the 40's for both teams.

Visitor

67 Across: Bluesy James (4 letters) Answer: Etta