Isolation Thought

First concession to the holiday season: the purchase of the Christmas cards.

However, with apologies to U2 (think of me the next time you see the iPod commercial):

Uno, dos, tres, quatorce

Hello hello
From Aisle 9 of Giant Eagle-O
They sell me shit that I don't even know
Except they give me these 10-for-10 deals
Deals

Of course, I was at the Iggle and that tune popped into my head. Not just because of the 10-for-$10 items, like apple juice. That one always cracks me up. I never buy apple juice and I see it in the weekly and actually say, "Mmmm. That's a good deal on apple juice. Maybe I'll get a couple. Doh!" Progresso is good on a 10-for-10, apple juice is not.

All of the shelves are now festooned with "We've lowered our prices" tags. As my Dad says, "Hah. Lower prices. See, they admit they've been screwin' ya for years. And we keep goin' back."

Anyhow, I needed to buy some barbecue sauce and has anyone seen this brand, "Bone Suckin' Sauce"? Now, maybe if you're local grocer was Doc Johnson or even Mr. Whipple, but I'm not sure I could buy it, in fear of a price check.

Meal of Links

Looks like Cheney lost his breath about a month late.

Modest Mouse is on SNL tonight. They'll do "Float On" and "Ocean Breathes Salty". I really like those two songs.

Lawyer watches "Law and Order". Says, "Hey, that's me." Sues. "Law and Order" writers get idea. Ripped from the headlines. Same lawyer watches that show and...

Exercise Yard

A UC Bearcat with a worldwide following.

Visitor

37 Down: Erich Weiss's stage name (7 letters) Answer: Houdini

Isolation Thought

I know they needed to bury Arafat quickly today, because of Ramadan. But that scene of the body arriving in Gaza was as disorganized a sight as I've ever seen. It was so comical with reporters saying, "Shots are being fired not in anger, but in celebration..." (don't those bullets have to land somewhere?) and the scene of the Jeep trying to transport the body from the helicopter was straight out of the "Keystone Kops". Very funny.

Meal of Links

I will go on the record and say even though Bill Maher is getting sued, his taste in women seems to have surpassed O'Reilly.

66 affiliates (including our own WEWS) cancelled ABC's running, on Veterans' Day mind you, of "Saving Private Ryan". Welcome to the post-Janet world.

A doctor says all food allergies could be eradicated within ten years.

Exercise Yard

I see where Gerard Warren wants to throttle Ben Roethlisberger on Sunday. Fine with me, and I admire the fire. But wouldn't you feel better about it, if the bounty came from a guy with more than 5 tackles on the season?

Visitor

31 Down: Actress Palmer (4 letters) Answer: Lili

Isolation Thought

I am reprising my starring role as "Tingly Chin" (my devastatingly handsome Asian spy alter ego) as I went to the dentist today. Man, when that anaesthetic gets into your gums for a while, it feels like that rush you get from a Peppermint Patty, only it doesn't go away.

I've been to the dentist so much this year, he told me I can do the prep for them the next time I go in (Hey, I've got your distal lingual, Bud). I started this root canal on September 9 and finally get the crown in on December 1. This canal (I should say canals) procedure will have taken 4 visits when all is said and done. I may not qualify for their 401K, but at least I have free use of their copier. But everything looks good and the next visit will not include any drilling or foul-tasting, gummy impression material.

Meal of Links

I really can't think of a more horrifying phrase than "Liza Minnelli forced sex on me."

Carson Daly won't burn a Yankee hat for charity. Poser.

Did you know that D.G. Yuengling & Son is America's fifth-largest brewery? I'm not sure I've ever had one.

Exercise Yard

My world ranking in the Sporting News Fantasy Basketball League is 937 out of 163, 017. But I'm third out of three in my league. Go figure. My team: Bron Bron and Michael Redd at Guard. Antawn Jamison and Chris Bosh at Forward. Alonzo Mourning at Center and clearly the best, cheap find, Bobby Simmons at 6th Man. Not bad, thus far.

Visitor

59 Across: 1973 "Battle of the Sexes" loser (10 letters) Answer: Bobby Riggs

Isolation Thought

I see where Chad Johnson of the Bengals was strolling by the ticket office, so he decided to buy fans some tickets for the game. I like the guy. His end zone celebration last year with him posing and Peter Warrick acting like a photographer was one of the funniest endzone celebrations I'd ever seen. And this year's MNF introduction as "Chad Johnson...THE Oregon State University" was another gem.

Meal of Links

29-year old woman has sex with 8-year old boy. Woman's mother blames boy. Should be on "Springer" soon.

I'm melting.

A writer on "The Simpsons" admits it isn't the same as it used to be.

Exercise Yard

NASCAR allows spirits sponsors. Crown Royal already in. If Old Grand-Dad sponsors someone, well, he better be good.

Visitor

63 Across: Deanna in "Star Trek: T.N.G." (4 letters) Answer: Troi

Isolation Thought

I see that "The Polar Express" finally gets released tomorrow. I bought the book for a friend a long time ago as a Christmas present for her son. I can't pinpoint the exact year, but I wonder if it was a first edition. If so, I am an idiot. Even Grisham first editions bring a lot of money. I guess that is because no one reads anymore. Very sad.

Meal of Links

What makes a racehorse fast? And why do I bet on the slow ones?

Arafat has broken the records of Generalissimo Franco and Yuri Andropov for having died the most times. Like a cat.

I know this Van Gogh guy was kinda famous and all, but jeezy-creezy couldn't they find a better picture.

Exercise Yard

Can someone at the Tennessean wake up and realize the NHL is not playing.

Visitor

37 Across: Husband-and-wife singing duo (13 letters) Answer: Steve and Eydie

Isolation Thought

This day did not start out well, as I didn't get my morning paper delivered. That just sucks when that happens, especially after a Browns game. Then that means I cannot do the crossword at lunch. The newspaper is so much a part of the waking up routine. You know, getting rid of eye snot, scratching yourself and coughing up a major loogie. I mean who among us doesn't do that?

But I went to the CSU-Ohio Dominican exhibition basketball game. For years CSU has been pretty light on the dance team and cheerleading squad, but it looks like they may have full squads this year. Dance team especially looks like they have one or two girls who are using this as a stepping stone to the Cavs Dance Team. I guess I won't doze off during the game anymore. I suggest playing "Love Shack" during every timeout. CSU won. I think it was like 100-78 or something.

Meal of Links

Oh my. I watched the first episode of "My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss" and it made me laugh out loud a couple of times. It's a keeper. And there are a couple of cuties on this one, as well. Instead of "You're fired!", it's "Get the hell out of my office!"

Jim Belushi is suing Julie Newmar, the old Catwoman. A pur-r-r-r-r-fectly per-r-r-r-r-plexing story.

Michael Madsen joins the ESPN poker series "Tilt". I can actually picture him in the role of Don Everest, aka "The Matador". I hope he busts someone in the face.

Exercise Yard

God bless Raymond Bourque of the Bruins, now a Hockey Hall of Famer. The night he gave up the No. 7 sweater for 77 on Phil Esposito Night (to permanently retire the No. 7), epitomizes why hockey fans revere their legendary players.

Visitor

18 Down: Mel of the Giants (3 letters) Answer: Ott

Isolation Thought

I'm sure you've floated through the shopping channels and have noticed this weird guitar-playing dude, Esteban. I may be late to the party on this one, but now he's selling his guitar in a half-hour infomercial, which is pretty cheesy. He has a live audience, while he goes on about why his guitar is the best. I've often wondered about the crowds who show up at these things, do they get free product or free coffee? I mean I can't see sitting in some studio for hours to say something profound like, "Set it...and forget it!" Or my favorite, the nodding in agreement with what the host is saying, while looking demonically at the person next to you, as if to convince them to buy the product.

Meal of Links

California passed the law that pumps $3 billion into stem-cell research. Flood gates are officially open.

Here's the backstory on why the Jay Z. and R. Kelly tour crashed and burned. My favorite line about R.: "McDonald's makes him feel like a regular person." Ha ha ha.

Mexico is running out of donkeys. We seem to have plenty of jackasses running around ths town, if you need 'em.

Exercise Yard

I was waiting for a long time for the Kostya Tszyu/Sharmba Mitchell fight yesterday. Tszyu is my favorite fighter (he's the best pound-for-pound right now) and he's been off two years, battling some health issues. But it took him only three rounds to knock out Mitchell, in a fight I can only describe as beautiful.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Isolation Thought

Had a discussion last night that included many topics, one being astrology. I don't dismiss it as a load of crap, but I am curious to see every once in a while what's in store for me and my fellow Geminis. Geminii? Gemini-i-i-i-i-i (an homage to the I-I guy.) Here is what mine read for today:

Mind and emotions could be prey to agitation early today because crossed communication may cause snags. Keep the Boy Scouts' motto in mind and "Be Prepared" for a change of plans. Romantic stars will shine late tonight and tomorrow.

Well, I slept in today, because of demon rum, so I wasn't able to get agitated. I guess it would have been nice to be prepared as everything got pushed back a little bit. I'm watching the Tszyu/Mitchell fight tonight and the Browns tomorrow. I love Tszyu and the Browns, but I'm not romancing either. So, I guess today's horoscope didn't count.

Meal of Links

The creepy Mr. Wendy gets sacked like a drive-thru order. I guess this time, it is official.

I've decided I have a thing for Robin the recptionist on "The Apprentice". It's amazing how quickly one becomes famous these days. BTW, it looks more and more like Jennifer is a finalist.

Here's the background on why Kobe Bryant's accuser bailed on the criminal case.

Exercise Yard

Ted Ginn is, unquestionably, the fastest football player I have ever seen.

Visitor

30 Down: McBride of "Boston Public" (3 letters) Answer: Chi

Isolation Thought

I see the Christmas commercials have already started. I've seen one for Lowe's and another for Big Lots. A mite early, I say.

Although, if you think about, it's 3 weeks until Thanksgiving and another 4 until Christmas. Don't wanna rush anyone buying me gifts, however.

Meal of Links

Yoko Ono has the Number One Dance hit in America. I haven't heard this yet, but techno beats probably cover up most of the flaws in the record.

Our friends in the UK don't like Dubya much. Check the headlines page.

Slots come to South Florida.

Exercise Yard

Let's go on a cruise. With Rusty Wallace. Fun events like the Rusty Wallace look-alike contest.

Visitor

9 Down: Playwright Henley (4 letters) Answer: Beth

Isolation Thought

If you want to move to Canada because of the election, you'll have to wait like everyone else.

Meal of Links

Rob Lowe is now suffering from David Caruso Disease. Sudden unpopularity.

Mandate, what mandate?

The Brits force the pharmaceutical industry to lower prices.

Exercise Yard

A transsexual qualifies for the Ladies European Tour.

Visitor

14 Across: Composer Schifrin (4 letters) Answer: Lalo

Isolation Thought

Here is how I spent Election Day:

5:00-I voted today and was Number 386 in my precinct. There was actually a person voting in every booth and we even had some new voters, which was very encouraging. I voted for the "good" O'Malley, BTW. And I had no chads.

6:00-The setting is my palatial estate. Laptop by Dell, TV by Sony. I haven't been this excited over a vote since the "Big Brother 1" finale. I'm not very comfortable presently because an "e" fell off my underwear and I'm now wearing something called "Hans". I have issues.

6:30-The Election Day Gastric Nightmare Menu is being developed. I'm not sure that all items will be consumed, but here it is: Frozen thin crust pizza by Palermo, chicken tenders by Tyson, pretzels by Utz, chips by Shearer's, dip by Giant Eagle, beer by Molson, root beer by A&W, and for way later, cocoa (via Cocomotion) by Land O'Lakes. Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, tummy medicine by Gaviscon.

7:00-And we're off...My viewing begins with MSNBC. They've concocted something called Democracy Plaza outside of 30 Rock. The usual suspects: Matthews, Scarborough, Mrs. Greenspan, Reagan and Brown. Bush wins Georgia, Kentucky, Indiana. Kerry bags Vermont. Virginia is close...good news for the D's.

7:05-They are calling victors with some vote totals, 0 to 0.

7:13-Omigod, Larry King is on CNN with Ted Kennedy. Must be after the ancient demographic. King calls Daschle the Senate "majority" leader. Idiot.

7:30-Ohio and North Carolina go for...too close. Great sign in NYC: "2 More Months". CNN says West Virginia goes to Bush. Erica Hill on Headline News is hot.

7:50-Mmmmm. Pizza. Mmmmm. Tenders.

8:00-Kerry gets Illinois, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Maryland, Connecticut, Maine, Delaware and the District. Dubya gets Tennessee, Alabama and Oklahoma. Kerry goes ahead. The "limp wrist" is slapping Bunning's face in KY. Tee hee.

8:14-Fox News gives South Carolina to Bush.

8:20-Bush grabs the lead back with North Carolina.

8:24-The lovely Norah O'Donnell makes an appearance on MSNBC. I wouldn't mind hitting her campaign trail. "Dennis!" is projected as a winner.

8:32-South Carolina goes to Bush. Fox puts Virginia in the Bush column.

8:53-Cleveland's absentee votes go Kerry's way, 64-36. Not enough. We need those late-arriving east side precincts to show up.

9:00-Bush grabs Texas, Kansas, Nebraska, the Dakotas and Wyoming. Kerry gets New York and Rhode Island. Bush's lead widens.

9:10-Kerry's daughter stumps for the old man. Blah blah blah.

9:25-I think every cable network has said "too close to call, we'll just wait some more" about a hundred times in the last 30 minutes. But it looks like no voter fraud or intimidation reported. That'll come later when one party realizes they've lost.

9:30-Derek Lowe is on QVC pushing World Series DVDs. Univision has eleccion coverage. Boy, they talk fast. My alma mater is tied at 13 at the half on ESPN.

9:33-Lesley Stahl's hair looks like a mop.

9:34-Tim Russert's "magic map" is now electronic. Kerry needs Ohio. Desperately.

10:04-I stepped away for a bit and I don't think I missed anything. Utah went for Bush. Boy, Arlen Specter has a tough go in the PA Senate race. Arkansas goes to Bush.

10:12-I went over to Fox 8. Issue 1 went down in flames, so to speak. Ohio is now the most anti-gay state in the Union.

10:25-Nader concedes and the only network there is C-Span. I guess the networks haven't forgiven him for 2000.

10:46-Bush lets the cameras in. He's still acting very chimpy. I fire up Cocomotion with Land O'Lakes Caramel. Bush takes Arizona. Kerry grabs Pennsylvania. I think it's slipping away for Kerry. LaTourette is kicking ass.

10:55-Ernest Angley just gave someone their sense of smell back. He is amazing. Fridays at 7:00 is when the healing line happens. "No one has ever loved you as Jesus has loved you." Maybe he can heal the Cleveland schools.

11:00-Idaho goes to Bush. Washington and California go to Kerry. He's back in it. Where is Ohio, dammit.

11:15-Ohio supposedly has people in Knox County that have been waiting 9 hours to vote. Alan Keyes is crazy. He just quoted John Paul Jones. Ohio is now a green state. What's on the naked channel? The "Bikini Escort Company" does not start until 1:45.

11:25-I declare Bush the winner in Florida, because I'm tired.

11:50-Elizabeth got fired again on "The Apprentice". "What the hell is missing with you, Elizabeth?" Trump: "That was a no-brainer and it's done." Ohio still not declared. Hey, Brooke Burke is on "The Big Idea" tomorrow.

11:59-James Carville is dead on. He just said on CNN that if you win three debates, have a shitty war in Iraq and lots of folks losing their jobs and you still lose the election, then it's time for the Democratic Party to reassess. What if this damn thing ends up 269-269? How old is Paula Zahn? She looks good.

12:06-Oregon goes to Kerry. If this ends up 269-269, and Kerry loses the popular vote and winds up as CIC, will they take back the 2000 comments about Bush not being their President? Montana to Bush.

12:19-Did I forget Poland? Dan Rather: "Close, close, close. Ohio is where it is."

12:26-Channel 5 says we are the epicenter of the election. Guess what? Those late-reporting east side precincts hold the key. The election board guy says we'll know by 2:00.

12:32-Stephanopoulos reminds me 269-269 goes to the House and Bush will win. Rather just said, "If you had to bet the double wide..."

12:42-Rather: "His lead in Iowa is as thin as turnip soup."

12:51-Are all of these other states just waiting for Ohio?

1:00-Bush wins our goddamn state and Alaska. BTW, what was my popular vote pick, 52-47? I am pretty good.

1:09-I don't think I've recovered from Ohio going to Bush. I think I'll be surly if Lurch blows this. What happened to this state of ours? Jerry Springer to the rescue!!!

1:15-CBS still hasn't declared Ohio. WTF?

1:20-Newtie is on Fox and he's kinda cocky. It's awfully quiet at Kerry's party. Daschle looks like he's going down. Looks like he and John Edwards can go fishing. When's that bikini movie coming on?

1:30-Is the hope for Ohio the provisional ballots (24,000 in these parts), which cannot be counted until the 13th. Maybe next time I'll vote often. Kerry won Callahooga County by 217,000, but the fundies in the state made up that deficit. Do the Amish vote? Maybe the buggy Dads didn't vote.

1:39-Dan Rather is still making excuses on why they haven't declared Ohio yet. It seems if they call Ohio, we all go to bed. Looks like New Mexico is going to Bush. Christ, Kerry is losing Iowa. Fox gives New Hampshire to Kerry.

1:45-The bikini movie starts. There is one girl in here with manufactured arthritis. NBC has Wonkette on.

1:55-Locker room sex in the bikini movie. Arthritic girl and some guy who looks like Shaggy from "Scooby Doo". Several positions acted out poorly.

2:00-Kerry still behind by 114,000 in Ohio. Bush: It appears that my opponent will try "Li-ti-ga-tion".

2:07-I guess Lester Holt declared Ohio for NBC. Maybe we should blame Canada. Brokaw says we've been up later than this for less meritorious activity. Do you think W. went to bed hours ago? There have been 7 Presidents born in Ohio.

2:17-Ken Blackwell, my phone buddy, thinks we have 175,000 provisional ballots in Ohio. Cabinet post for Ken if he makes Bush win this thing?

2:24-Michigan goes to Kerry. Kerry is not giving up. Ohio is the battleground. Natalie Allen is on NBC from Iowa. Remember her from CNN? John Edwards comes out to deliver the message, "Help is on the way!!!". They are fighting for every vote. Short message from Thumbs.

2:32-Hawaii goes to Kerry. Minnesota to Kerry.

2:42-Just pick a state already and put it in Bush's column. The bikini chicks are washing cars to probably save a poor relative's business.

3:00-I've had it. I'm drifting off to dream of a world where we all just get along.

Meal of Links

Wacko Alan Keyes goes down to defeat. When you get heckled at your polling place, well, you've got problems.

Early exit polls pointed to a...Kerry win. File this away for future reference.

Lloyd Braun takes over Yahoo!'s entertainment division. Remember when he blew the election for Dinkins by passing along Elaine's suggestion that everyone in NYC wear name tags?

Exercise Yard

Tom Lehman is elected Ryder Cup captain. Probably the only job more thankless job than the presidency.

Visitor

17 Across: Possible 11/3 headline (15 letters) Answer: Voters Pick Kerry

Isolation Thought

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go...

It's for all the marbles tomorrow. I had thought of attending the Springsteen/Teresa and Kerry bash downtown tonight, but I'm old and I don't want to sit in the cold and rain. How can anyone say with certainty who will win, when we have turnout estimates of 105 to 120 million. 15 million voting one way could do a lot of damage, so I think I'll keep it zipped on who I think will win, as everyone knows who I'd like to win. I'll stick to my 52-47 number though. Some Ohio news. And some more.

See you at a poll near you.

Meal of Links

Manny is having lots of fun as World Series Champ. "We want Alex."

Obviously, I have no what Sandra Bullock is like off camera. But she appears to be a likable sort. Who's hot. And has millions.

If you are bored with election results tomorrow, the Cartoon Network is showing a new episode of "Harvey Birdman". Repeatedly.

Exercise Yard

Redskins lose, so Kerry wins?

Visitor

48 Across: Model Macpherson (4 letters) Answer: Elle

Isolation Thought

We had a great time at Thistledown yesterday. Food was great (they added a pasta station this year), we had lots of laughs, and my Dad, well, Uncle Joe was at his finest. That's why I love the guy. I thought he was going for the superfecta, when he was complaining about the line while we were waiting to be seated. To recap his trifecta: He complained about the programs (to be fair, we all did), he raved about the ice cream (strawberry sauce, no jimmies), and said this, "Singletary. They named him after the football player. That's why the silks are the colors of the Chicago Browns." Bingo, go to the windows!!! More on him later.

It was an interesting Breeders Cup because the familiar names like Baffert, Lukas, Bailey and Day were not hitting the board.

To recap my bets:

Juvenile-Tamwell led about 70% of the race before fading to 4th. Was never really lone speed.

Juvenile Fillies-Culinary failed to menace.

Mile-Whipper. Well, Whipper kinda got into contention but got inhaled by the closers and finished tenth.

Sprint-Kela finished second and had too much ground to make up. The field was unusually spread out for the Sprint and as a closer, it's tough to make up the ground when the front end is going about 90 mph.

Filly and Mare Turf-Ouija Board had terrible odds, so I went with Film Maker who finished second.

Juvenile-This was my big win of the day, as I had the Wilko-Afleet Alex exacta. I think my quote was, "Here comes Wilko!!!" in a state of disbelief. And to top it off, one of my favorite jockeys, Frankie Dettori, got to do his obligatory flying dismount.

Turf-An example of why they run the races. Kitten's Joy was obviously the best horse in the race, but didn't win. The race played exactly as I thought for the first mile, as Star Over the Bay was the lone speed. Then it got crazy. Powerscourt goes to the lead way too early and Kitten's Joy is on the rail. Now Kitten's Joy has the acceleration of a Ferrari and is just about to blow past Powerscourt when up comes the longshot Better Talk Now. Kitten's Joy looks like Better Talk Now runs into him and has to pull up. By the time he tries to get around Powerscourt, who in the meantime, appears to get run into by who else, Better Talk Now, he lost a lot of time and finished second. Jockey files an objection, but the stewards deny it. Why the long story? I got hosed on my Pic-3 ticket of Ouija Board/Wilko/Kitten's Joy. Bah!

Classic-Ghostzapper was simply amazing and I was all over this pick. He smoked this field and when they ran the half-mile in 47, I said, "They are playing right into Ghostzapper's hands! I mean hooves". This one was in the bag early.

Well, it's Halloween. I haven't figured out what I'm handing out, but you can bet it's a candy on sale. My Dad is giving out these cookies called Creepy Cremes. They are like Oreos, but have orange filling. He got them at the Dollar Store for a buck a bag. I told him kids don't want cookies, they want candy. He said I don't want to spend money on kids who don't even live around here and on and on. I told him they are gonna look in that bag and be disappointed and he replied that they are just happy to hear something dropped into the bag. I said if that's the case, are you gonna hand out ice cubes next year, they're pretty cheap, and they won't find out until they are far away from your house. Of course, he laughed, but I saw him loading up on ice trays from the Dollar Store.

Meal of Links

Just a hunch, but I don't think Jay-Z likes R. Kelly anymore.

Trump comes to Chicago, while "The Apprentice" admits he's not in charge. Finally.

What a great, clean Senate race in Kentucky. An Alzheimer's candidate against a "limp wrist".

Exercise Yard

Michael Buffer wants you to help him stamp out a serious problem. The unauthorized use of "Let's get ready to rumble." Will I get sued if I call him "The Classy" Jimmy Lennon, Jr.?

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Isolation Thought

Yes!!! It's one of the best days of the year, as today it is the Breeders Cup. For the first time, the Championships are run near Dallas at Lone Star Park. This is the day that my Dad and brother and I go out to Thistledown for brunch (food as far as the eye can see) and drink gallons of iced tea. My Dad always hits the trifecta. Not at the windows, but at our table. He will bitch about getting the wrong program, rave about the ice cream station and will either invent a word or screw up someone's name, typically someone who has a rough name to pronounce, like Pat Day. Jeezus, at a brunch last week, he tried to say the word abacus. It came out sounding something like "azbascus". I looked at my brother who had the same look I had. You know the "Why is Jimmy Fallon on my TV?" look. Of course, we then busted up laughing when we determined the word was abacus. Then my Dad went into one of those uncontrollable fits of laughter where you think someone might eventually stop only because they are having a stroke. The head on table, pounding of the fist kind of laughing. So, he's there as a calming influence. And I can always rely on one of my absolute awful early bets to be a running joke the rest of the day. For instance, if my choice finishes up the track in race 1, after Race 3 someone will say how that horse just finished. Ha, ha. I still remember the time we were at Churchill Downs in 1998 and I picked Swain in the Classic. Swain comes to the top of the stretch in the lead and my eyes turn into these huge dollar signs. Then inexplicably Swain makes a right turn to buy a mint julep or a pizza or a commemorative hat or something and finishes third. I still have nightmares about that, where I actually see Swain in a line waiting to buy something. Sometimes these visits are profitable, sometimes not, but they are always fun.

And, of course, here are my early morning picks. Subject to change, but they are free and almost guaranteed to flop:

Juvenile-I'm hoping Tamwell can steal it. Like Cortez, lone speed is a killer (that's for the Neil Young fan in all of us).

Juvenile Fillies-I like Culinary. Oddly enough, that's my Dad's word for...

Mile-Whipper is my pick. Also the consensus pick of the Daily Fetish Form.

Sprint-A difficult race every year, so my dart throwing resulted in Kela. I also like Champali at a price.

Filly and Mare Turf-My Ouija Board spelled Ouija Board. I pick her. Film Maker is the longshot I like.

Juvenile-Afleet Alex better not give me afriggin' headache. I'm thinking Wilko goes off at 50-1 and I like their music. (I know they spell it Wilco, Roger).

Turf-Kitten's Joy might be the best bet of the day. Best 'Merican turf horse in a long time. Star Over the Bay provides the lone speed angle, but I know Buck's Boy. And Star Over the Bay, you're no Buck's Boy. (Hey, we're in Texas.)

Classic-Really tough, but I like Ghostzapper. His race in the Vosburgh in 2003 was one of the best performances I've ever seen. And he's even better this year. Perfect Drift is your longshot.

And I cavalierly toss a portion of my mega winnings out the window, all the way home.

Meal of Links

What has become of higher education? University of North Carolina will off a class in "American Idol". Let's hope what many might think is an easy A is really a difficult B.

My prediction is within 5 years, the beer companies will emphasize "Day of the Dead" celebrations. BTW, about 6 months to Cinco de Mayo.

They just found a new human species. Not those folks in Red Sox Title gear, but some sort of hobbitt-looking thing.

Exercise Yard

Apparently, Barry Bonds didn't like "the clear". Looks like the Giambis Greater and Lesser also had a postive test that BALCO arranged.

Visitor

44 Across: Piccadilly Circus statue (4 letters) Answer: Eros

Isolation Thought

I'm not sure if everyone had the same reaction as me when I saw Jimmy Fallon on the field after the Red Sox won the other day. Mine was , "WTF? Why is Jimmy Fallon on my screen right now. And why is he kissing that chick on the field?" And, it appeared that the Saint Louis police were letting Boston fans run on the field after the game. I didn't think much of it. Then, of course, I learn that baseball commits another blunder by letting the Farrelly Brothers film the ending to their movie right after the final out. Fallon was on the screen with some crowd shots during the game as well and sure enough, the film is a Fox production. The beauty of the on-field celebration is that it is not choregraphed. Until now.

Meal of Links

I haven't forgotten about the most important election of our lifetime. It's good to know al-Qaeda has their own production company. There has been a big Democratic turnout in early balloting in Broward County, Florida. Rasmussen has Bush ahead slightly, 49-48. My prediction is 52-47. I just don't know who it will be.

"Saw" comes out today. The trailer for this was really creepy.

My old friend, Courtney Love, has to stand trial again. She may be clean and sober, but have to do time. Poor girl.

Exercise Yard

After watching many playoff games, I agree with "Shut Up Tim McCarver". My favorite was when he said a walk was as good as a home run. Steve Lyons, when he wasn't talking about Carlos Beltran's monkey, paraphrased this in the Houston series by insisting the Braves would do better to hit a single with men on base, than a homer. Clown.

Visitor

16 Across: Jack's preceder (3 letters) Answer: Ike

Isolation Thought

I guess the Red Sox win the World series every once in a red moon. But hell hath not frozen over and the sun came out today and all is fine in Red Sox Nation. If you want to get a sense of what this means to Sox fans, get a load of this thread from the Sons of Sam Horn site. But be forewarned, some of these are so touching, your allergies will act up.

Meal of Links

OK, red wine now helps to fight lung cancer.

Rip Torn beats his drunk driving rap.

George Bush is the movie's top villian.

Exercise Yard

Check out the Daily News cover today.

Visitor

15 Across: NFL Hall of Famer Matson (5 letters) Answer: Ollie

Isolation Thought

Odd things:

I passed a guy on I-77 today who looked like Michael Moore.

We decided at work the easiest Halloween costume this year is Ricky Williams. Bargain bin jersey, sunglasses, rasta hat and dreadlocks. Cheap, timely and comfortable.

If the Yankees continue to lose playoff series, will it be the Curse of Alfonso Soriano?

Meal of Links

Some of the better restaurants in town are offering three course meals for $30.04 during the week of November 14. Looks like a pretty good promotion.

Well, it's a marvelous night for a moondance. The last lunar eclipse until 2007. Don't be frightened like the ancients.

Ving Rhames, WTF? From Marsellus Wallace to Vanessa Williams faux husband on Radio Shack ads to a TV version of Theo Kojak? Hey Ving, that's pride fuckin' with you.

Exercise Yard

The Wizards are so bad they are offering in-game speed dating. I thought the idea was to watch the game.

Visitor

38 Down: Bobby's "Dallas" wife (6 letters) Answer: Pamela

Isolation Thought

The Plain Dealer decides not to endorse a candidate for President. I think it's pretty silly that they decided to sit this one out, considering they probably endorsed somebody for dog catcher along the way. Why not run "Lindsay Lohan's in the hospital" stories all the time? What a cop out. Bad publisher, bad.

Meal of Links

Sign of the times: Billboard debuts the Hot Ringtones chart.

The always funny Michael Musto goes to Fashion Week in Miami.

Rasmussen has the presidential race as a tie. Looks like Bush is pulling ahead in Ohio. One week to go before all hell breaks loose.

Exercise Yard

The Raiders now have a website in Mandarin Chinese. Thus, the first entry on my Christmas list.

Visitor

2 Down: "Serpico" author Peter (4 letters) Answer: Maas

Isolation Thought

I revisited the movie "Beautiful Girls" and it is still pretty funny. The scary thing is that Natalie Portman is, oh, only 13 years old in this movie and basically steals the movie. It doesn't devolve into some gross out thing, thankfully, especially when Timothy Hutton (he's 29) at one point thinks he might wait for Portman to get older. But Uma's in it, and Michael Rapaport absolutely cracks me up when he comtemplates ditching his high school reunion for the 12-hour marathon of "Rich Man, Poor Man". "364 nights I don't do dick, and the one night I go out..." And, of course, the "Sweet Caroline" sing-along. Good stuff.

Meal of Links

Jennifer Garner kicks Affleck's ass. Numbnuts is dressed like he's in the Arctic and Jen doesn't even have earmuffs on at Game 1.

Jennie Finch is on the cover of Modern Bride magazine. Methinks she's hot.

And, of course, Jennifer Tilly is in the new Child's Play movie, "Seed of Chucky".

Exercise Yard

Tim Couch does not get to sign with the Bears (Ha Ha).

Visitor

6 Across: "Dancing Queen" pop group (4 letters) Answer: ABBA

Isolation Thought

I am not attending today's Browns home game vs. the Eagles and it's a good thing, because I'm tuckered out. I was in Lakewood so much yesterday, I feel like I should pay taxes there. First, I met with friends at Around the Corner for brunch. I missed the make your own bloody mary bar and it's a shame, I felt I could have done a better job than what I received. Maybe they didn't have it, because there was no garnish available. I hope this wasn't a permanent loss. Then I was over at the West End Tavern (and of course, the Pet Shop Boys did get a mention) in the evening. And after some old timers left, yours truly was, once again, the oldest person in the bar. But this time, it wasn't as hot and claustrophobic as Liquid. Pretty good jukebox, but when you hear a song and are reduced to guessing who the artist might be, well, someone needs to shout out what the song is. Definitely recognized "Pretty in Pink" a lot quicker than "I think it might be 50 Cent. But it might be that other guy. Ludacris, maybe?"

Meal of Links

Did anyone see the awful performance (video includes performance and lame-o apology) of Ashlee Simpson on SNL last night? What a comeuppance. Her supposedly live performance was halted because the sound guy played the tape of a different vocal track. I always thought SNL was the hallmark of live performances, but this dolt Simpson could do nothing but some stupid little jig and slink off the stage. Of course, like any good professional, she blamed the band at the end of the program.

Sadly, Henry Earl spends another birthday behind bars.

John Lehman, 9/11 commission member, says we know where Osama is hiding. "We'll get him eventually, just not now."

Exercise Yard

Omigod, the old Manny returned to Fenway last night.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Isolation Thought

Has anyone noticed the bad sound editing on "The Apprentice" lately? In the boardroom segments (especially the last two weeks), it appears that the Donald and Carolyn have add to re-record some audio in post-production. These sequences typically show Trump or Carolyn making a statement and then a jump cut to a contestant for a reaction. But with this lousy editing, you hear an obviously different audio track, while the camera lingers for reaction shots, that seemingly last for an eternity. Lemme say, this is really annoying.

Meal of Links

Bono gets a lost briefcase returned to him. It has the lyrics to the "October" album. I know a lot of people hate that one, but I think it has some good tunes.

Over 7,000 people have signed up for Richard Branson's space flights. These include William Shatner and Dave Navarro.

The 25 most connected campuses in the US.

Exercise Yard

The Home Office feels it is making a dent in soccer hooliganism. I would be scared if The Home Office was after me, too.

Visitor

44 Down: "Spaceballs" actor (7 letters) Answer: DeLuise

Isolation Thought

The Red Sox beat the Yankees last night!!! As the old Raiders announcer, Bill King, said after the "Holy Roller" game, "There's nothing real in the world anymore." The two richest teams in baseball should be playing in October, right? But the Sox have some work to do, otherwise they'll still hear "1918", if they don't get it done. What would be better than a Game 7 in Fenway Park on Halloween evening with Roger Clemens trying to close out the Sox? Now that would be great theater. Also, if the Astros get in, it would be Massachusetts and Kerry versus Texas and Bush.

Here are some images about the Sox and Yanks:

It's a friendly rivalry.

Sox fans go to great heights to root for their team.

A different angle of the A-Rod play shows that he did have help(er).

The Sox will win the Series? Not bloody likely.

They may have to alter the Red Sox Nation Advisory System.

What Would Johnny Damon Do? He'd write, "Dear Joe Torre, Here's your 18 bucks. Signed, Johnny Damon." Matt Damon becomes Damon the Lesser.

John Kerry needing Scooter to explain the curveball.

New Big Apple ad.

Meal of Links

Two really good programs you must see. "The Office" on BBC America and "Broadway" on PBS.

Turn off other people's TVs. Be the hit at your Super Bowl party!!! Turn TV off secretly, perform magic dance, turn back on and voila, you're the hero.

"There she goes, Miss America."

Exercise Yard

Lest we forget that we have a baseball team in town, I give you the tentative Cleveland Indians 2005 schedule.

Visitor

25 Down: Jack's "Anger Management" costar (4 letters) Answer: Adam

Isolation Thought

Today I saw "Team America: World Police" and it was really funny. Sure there were puppets, but there was puppet sex. And you knew the songs were going to be good and that didn't disappoint. Kim Jong-Il's rendition of "I'm Rone-Ree" had me on the floor, along with a big time shot at the movie "Pearl Harbor".

Meal of Links

Check out the old guy in the back of this photo. They always talk about the Red Sox and ghosts and this may be proof. A cross between Judge Landis and Professor Irwin Corey.

If you haven't read ABC News' "The Note", wander over there sometime. It gives you very good detail on what's happening in politics, along with links and schedules. I mean who knew Mark Martin and Jack Roush were going to be campaigning at a Ford dealership today.

It's been 20 years since the original Band Aid recording. They're back with another rendition of "Do They Know It's Christmas?"

Exercise Yard

The last hot dog made at Olympic Stadium during an Expos game, sells for $2,605. Looks like the founder of Jerk du soleil bought it.

Visitor

15 Across: TV handyman Bob (4 letters) Answer: Vila

Isolation Thought

Time to watch Jon Leiber, who has carried my playoff fantasy baseball team, lay the smackdown on the Sawks.

Meal of Links

OK, so the guy from Soft Cell is injured in a motorcycle accident. Why don't they pipe "Tainted Love" into the operating room and save him?

The Athens reporter, who exposed the Greek sprinters as dopers, got beat up real good.

Damn. It looks like Bush has the early election lead, 2-0.

Exercise Yard

I would not mind having her pick up my balls.

Visitor

50 Across: Singer Rawls (3 letters) Answer: Lou

Isolation Thought

The CBC is in the midst of choosing "The Greatest Canadian". I love Don Cherry (ex-Bruins coach), but my God, he cannot be one of your top 10.

Other notables not in the Top Ten:

14. Neil Young
18. Shania Twain
19. Bobby Orr (How quickly they forget)
27. Celine Dion (Keep in mind, this is greatest ever, as you read this list.)
29. Jim Carrey
32. Michael J. Fox
33. Gordon Lightfoot (Hell, he can't die now.)
38. Mario Lemieux
39. Bret "The Hitman" Hart (Please slap the sharpshooter on #27?)
40. Avril Lavigne (Avril Lavigne, the 40th greatest Canadian!!!!)
41. John Candy

Meal of Links

A Pittsburgh Steeler fan weighs in on the election.

The NBA basketball tour of China is a reminder of how important China is to the world. From all accounts, a life-changing experience for all who participated. Yao Ming is really shouldering his responsibility well. And the big guy is only 24. From what I saw on TV, the China Games were a huge success.

Seniors are told not to panic over flu shots. So, of course, seniors will panic. But not until they vote on November 2.

Exercise Yard

Cecil Fielder is broke and hard to find. Gambling, extravagance and bad business deals have eaten away at the $47 million (yes, million) in salaries he made in baseball.

Visitor

35 Down: Lieutenant Kojak, to friends (4 letters) Answer: Theo (Crock-ah!!!)

Isolation Thought

Randomness from today's Browns home game:

My cousin Gale was today's special guest. And she brought a blanket.
Today's defense, once more, was really good. Especially in the second half.
The cold weather killed all the smells under the Shoreway.
Running game today was better, as the Bengals run defense is shitty. But Garcia threw two Couch-like interceptions in the first half. Although a 99-yard TD pass puts a little hop in your step.
The G.E. Smith Band is now officially the house band of the Browns. They have constructed a small stage near the northeast side of the field for him. It's cold to be playing "Sweet Jane". He had the hood on in the second half. Can't wait for "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree" in December.
Winslow's still an injured playa, dude.
A sedate crowd in Section 345, but a noticeably dumber one, because of Bengals fans. When did I-80 become the Mason-Dixon Line? Was I off that week?
Best line from me (after the third Bengal lining-up offside penalty): "Get a smaller helmet."
Best line from a random (in men's room, after Bengals tie game at 14): "Here we go Brownies, here we go--Lose, Lose."
Best defacing of a #2 jersey: AT HOME ON THE (in ink, above the nameplate)
Oddest Browns jersey: #54 Spielman. (Too many coats today.)
Best shirt: Obviously my "What Would Johnny Damon Do?" t-shirt.
$4 hot dog, $5 souvenir soda (Like Kerry, I have a plan. Stop buying this crap.)
Asinine halftime contest is still there. But Pee-Wee football was played and that's always a highlight.
Beggar solicitations: 1 (His name was Marvin Connor, Homeless Man. I gave him 60 cent. If you see him in the Warehouse District, tell him I said hi.)
One of the boa crowd was lap dancing in our section. In the second half, she decides to start grinding on her friend. Guy in 346 gets his wallet out and starts waving money. Joke not over, as woman then gyrates around the railing for our section. Although effect is lost when she enters the portal of our section and the wind tunnel effect blew her hat off. If we were at Springer, chants of "Whore!" would have sprung up.
Bad high school cheerleading.
Drunks were mildly under control, and no ejections from our section.
The sing-along from Dave & Buster's. The song: "Old Time Rock and Roll". My hatred for this song prevented any singing. Am I at a Browns game or a wedding? Today's crowd dutifully ignored it.
The Browns coldest, but best game of the year. Browns win, 34-17.

Meal of Links

Bill O'Reilly's pre-emptive lawsuit shows he should rename his show, "The O'Reilly Fear Factor". Vibrator self-use smacks of ego.

The alleged mutiny in Iraq by a National Guard unit from South Carolina will be exploited by the left. If it's an isolated incident though, I'm not sure how it will play out. But look for major coverage on this.

I guess this is the difference between southern Ohio and northeastern Ohio these days. Cincinnati gets the Beer Hall of Fame while Cleveland wants to build a Steel Heritage Museum. Unless I'm overestimating the ratio between beer drinkers and steel fans, which sounds like the better deal? I'm not sure either would draw well, but beer tends to be more fun. Unless you pass out in a bar restroom.

Exercise Yard

The San Francisco Chronicle (personally, this series is Pulitzer material) with another report on Barry Bonds. The heat is getting turned up.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Isolation Thought

I had a good night last night because my bar tab, after an evening of drinking, was determined to be $0. That's a nice feeling. But my advice to television viewers is don't drink and then watch "The Prisoner". No. 6 is playing cricket, then he's boxing, then he's dressed like Sherlock Holmes, then there's a car chase, then he can't find this woman at a carnival. Whoa, what the hell is going on? Thank God I fell asleep shortly thereafter.

Meal of Links

I like Jon Stewart, but in this video of Friday's "Crossfire", I think he's a bit of a jerk. Very strange. You can sense the discomfort of the audience, who along with the hosts, want him to "be funny". I mean why go on "Crossfire" and lecture? My problem with Stewart's interview with Kerry was it was the first time in ages that Kerry took questions from anyone, including his own press corps. Comedy show aside, I felt he had an obligation to ask something with some degree of difficulty. Having said that, I think Kerry didn't even grasp that he was on a comedy show. But this Stewart clip will go down in the annals of TV because he was more or less the anti-guest.

Old-timer dies waiting in line for "Oprah" tickets. I think Oprah will pay for the funeral. Won't she?

Look at these infrared zoo animals. I think I went to school with a Tawny Frogmouth.

Exercise Yard

Uh-oh. Barry Bonds trainer says Bonds used an "undetectable steroid" during the 2003 season. I guess it was "the clear" and not "the cream."

Visitor

21 Down: Joan Collins' "Dynasty" role (6 letters) Answer: Alexis

Isolation Thought

DEBATE NUTSHELL

Kerry:

Wins every damn coin toss. A sign, perhaps?
Hair helmet.
Red tie.
"I have a plan."
Containers not inspected.
Afghan Warlords.
Ceiling fans from China. WTF?
"I am truly not concerned about Bin Laden."
Name drop all the swing states. (Ohio, Wisconsin, Colorado)
"Pay as you go."
Tony Soprano.
Nanosecond.
Cheney's lesbian daughter. For the fundies.
Altar boy.
Blue Cross/Blue Shield.
Scan the eyes and thumbs of all Mexicans who swim over.
I've WORKED with McCain.
I hunted near a crack house in Iowa.
I married up.
Deathbed mother says, "Bosco."

Bush:

Red tie.
"Freedom is on the march."
Canadian meds...bad, Canadian flu vaccine...good.
No child left behind.
Ex-ag-ge-ra-tions.
"Pay go."
Ted Kennedy.
"Budget man."
Laid off? Why there's a community college down the road a piece.
Pell Grants
"Whoo."
Foam at mouth.
Gays? I dunno.
"I hope it's not the administration."
"Buggy and horse". Literally, the cart before the horse.
"I like people to own things."
McCain ENDORSED me.
NAACP? What's that?
$5.15/hour...a healthy wage
"Armies of compassion."
Wife says, "He's spongeworthy."

Meal of Links

Anna Kournikova doesn't win any tournaments, but she still corrupts the youth.

The new host of the Oscars...envelope, please...Chris Rock. "Ted Koppel ain't never took shit from me."

Eric Clapton gets a speeding ticket for driving 134 mph. Billy Joel attempts to break record Saturday.

Exercise Yard

Bad news is the NHL season was supposed to start this week, but did not. Good news is the Bruins are still in first place.

Visitor

64 Across: "Saturday Night Live" notable Fey (4 letters) Answer: Tina

Isolation Thought

How frustrating. I was listening to "Burning Inside" by Ministry this a.m., which requires you to drive at least 87 mph. The woman in front of me on Route 8 decides that'd be a nice stretch of road to do her eyes. Now I've been bumped twice by women who decided to apply makeup and not pay attention, so when I see it in action, it pisses me off. I don't think you see many guys leaving the house without any pants on, when they are running late. Just wake up 5 minutes earlier, would that hurt anything?

And I was in such a good mood until that point because one of two songs I permit myself to dance to while driving was on. There are two danceable songs while driving: "Roam" by the B-52's and "Our House" by Madness. Everything else is fair game for singing, but those are the only two with which you can do a legitimate dance. Don't even compare applying makeup to dancing. I can still dance and drive 87 mph.

Meal of Links

Nicky Hilton's marriage lasted 60 times longer than Britney Federline's first one.

Phil Spector wants the grand jury documents to remain sealed.

Tyra Banks shows her bling-bling.

Exercise Yard

Al Leiter does a great job on the Fox baseball coverage, now that Tim McCarver has gone senile. But have you noticed when Fox runs a certain-angled replay, they insert the sound effect of a crack of the bat. I don't get that at all. At least they dumped the exploding radar sound effect. But "Scooter" needs to go. Do not interrupt a game to have a cartoon explain what a curveball is.

Visitor

14 Across: Reagan advisor Nofziger (3 letters) Answer: Lyn

Isolation Thought

The mystery of Giant Eagle Diet Cola continues. The Hudson store also stocks it in a 12-pack of cans, but not 2-liter bottles. There has to be a reason why. This has Nobel Prize ramifications if someone unlocks this secret.

I bought some Dr. Seuss stamps at the Post Office today, as I'm not one to take the ordinary flag stamps. I always cringe when Lenny is working the clerk area. He's the only guy I know who has actually gone postal. "There was an incident", as Kramer would say. From what I understand, a customer could not make up their mind if they wanted they a receipt, and Lenny went ballistic. A garbage can was heaved over the counter in the direction of the line of customers. So, I try to listen to the chatter between Lenny and the customers to determine the mood. When I heard him say to the woman in front of me, "That's a very nice blazer you're wearing." I knew I was good to go.

While at the dentist yesterday, I was subjected to watch what may have been the worst television show ever. Not even a poor man's version of "The View", it was more like the homeless man's version of "The View". This train wreck of a show is called "Life and Style". In the words of Leonard Pinth-Garnell, "that one really bit the big one". Jules Asner is on this piece of garbage, convincing us once more, she has no talent.

Meal of Links

Capital punishment for those under 18 goes to the Supreme Court.

I pity the fool who won't see the new "A-Team" movie.

Eminem makes fun of Michael Jackson in his latest video. Looks like Marshall dresses up like Jacko and bounces up and down on a bed with little kids, amongst other hilarious actions.

Exercise Yard

It's too bad that members of Mariano Rivera's family were electrocuted in his pool. Apparently, electric currents were run through the pool to deter dogs from peeing in the pool. That doesn't sound right, but that's the story.

Visitor

49 Across: Actor Fernando (3 letters) Answer: Rey

Isolation Thought

I guess John Kerry killed Christopher Reeve. If he drops your name at the next debate, be near a hospital. A global test would be if the Red Sox lose to the Yanks.

Meal of Links

Sean Penn's a little frosted about "Team America: World Police".

Not that I noticed, but Lindsay Lohan is on the cover of GQ. The headline: "Hollywood's "It" girl reveals her sizable talents".

Let's remember what Halloween was like in 1989.

Exercise Yard

Ken Caminiti died yesterday. His steroid use and continuing addictions obviously cut his life short at age 41.

Visitor

51 Across: Astronaut Walter (7 letters) Answer: Schirra

Isolation Thought

Something that Giant Eagle does has me perplexed. I'm not talking about buying 15 items and getting 9 plastic bags. It's about Giant Eagle Diet Cola. My Iggle does not stock their Diet Cola in 2-liter bottles. You can get it in a 12-pack of cans, but not in a bottle. That's strange. You can get Diet Ginger Ale or Diet Root Beer, and any of the assorted fruity flavors in 2-liter bottles. It isn't killing me or anything, but I find it really odd.

Meal of Links

Sizable reward for finding who drowned a dog in Massachusetts. It was almost like a mob hit. On a dog. That's sick.

Every once in a while, I'll tune in the MLB playoffs on my Fox Sports Spanish station. It's on about a 10-second delay from the regular broadcast. But the commercials are funny. It used to be they would just do a voiceover on an English ad. But there's Catherine Zeta-Jones for T-Mobile saying "Recibe Mas" at the end of the commercial. It startled me this morning when the European Golf announcer told me, "It's time for a Gray Goose." and it wasn't even 10:00 here. Then it sunk in that they are in a different time zone.

I had not checked in with the friendly folks from Weekly World News for some time. I'm happy to report that canine burqas are now standard issue in the Middle East. They are called "barkas".

Exercise Yard

I watched the end of the Seattle-Saint Louis game today and it shows how bad the Browns are. I have no confidence when they fall behind that they can actually mount a comeback. Saint Louis was out of it, as late as midway through the 4th quarter, and they still got the win. We can't even "pad the stats" late, because we are so bad. I'm not sure where the team is headed, but it was not pretty to watch today, and it seems kinda bleak. It's easy to say we've only played five games, but I can't point to anything that we do consistently well. Very hard to think of playoffs after today.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Isolation Thought

Debates crack me up. Both guys came out of this one pretty well, I thought. Kerry was strong again on foreign stuff, but average on domestic and should have blasted Bush on the "Mistakes? What mistakes?" question. Bush had a better second half and seems like his domestic angles are working for a reason I can't quite determine yet. The questions from the townies, for once, were good, and I could not detect any plants amongst the questioners.

John Kerry looked right at me and said he would not raise my taxes. That always gets my attention. And we found out Chris Reeve wants to walk again and Bush somehow inherited bad stem cells from Clinton. And what the hell do the Red Sox have to do with the environment? Kerry tends to bring more confusion to the debates than needed. If you're still not sold on Kerry and dislike Bush, this is for you. Keep in mind, he would be the first President since Andrew Jackson who has killed a man.

Bush: "I own a timber company? That's news to me! Need some wood?" had me on the floor. Of course, he has part interest in Lone Star Trust which owns a company that grows trees. It's funny, I can see why you'd want to lie on the big stuff, but not this little stuff about timber companies and Cheney not meeting Edwards. I still don't know why he didn't plant WMDs and say they were Saddam's. Nixon would have. It was great to learn Bush invented the hydrogen car, because he saw something on the Internets. The Internets, mind you. And many Canadians are dying from unsafe US drugs.

And how about at the end when the wealthy Charlie Gibson could not read the teleprompter because the two clowns stood in front of it, when he was signing off. One more of these debates next week in Tempe. Then bin Laden arrives on Hannity and Colmes about a week later. And what happened to Michael Moore's assertion that gas prices would plummet before the election? Lots of $2.15 for premium prices are floating about.

Meal of Links

"Vote for Change" concert is on Sundance, Monday evening at 6:30. Albert Maysles and D.A. Pennebaker (two of the best) have teamed for a documentary, as well. How they could edit this in a week is beyond me. Maysles did "Gimme Shelter" and amongst others, Pennebaker did "Depeche Mode 101" which are two of my all-time favorite documentaries.

The NY Times' Judith Miller digs in and won't name names in court.

If you can't spell names, such as Einstein and Shakespeare, on a mural, don't claim that spelling is a lost art because of computers, Just grab your paints and a brush and fix it.

Exercise Yard

I will never forget the atmosphere surrounding Vlad Guerrero's grand slam against Boston yesterday. Watch the tape. The crowd goes silent AS SOON AS HE HITS IT!!! Usually, you don't get that reaction or moans or boos until it's over the fence. It was so eerie, but majestic at the same time. Vlad is trotting around the bases and you cannot hear a peep. It was dead. And this was a place that was rocking as Mike Timlin threw the pitch. Amazing.

Visitor

5 Down: "Mask" actor (10 letters) Answer: Sam Elliott

Isolation Thought

The latest conspiracy theory is one that asks "Is Bush Wired?". It's great fodder for those who think our President is receiving messages from some Svengali while he's addressing the public or the press. It might go a long way explaining his pauses and blank stares in that he's waiting to process instructions. Quite possible, but there would have to be so many people aware of this, I'm not sure it could be pulled off without anyone speaking out of turn.

Meal of Links

Senators Edwards, McCain, Biden and Hatch pick significant movies for a series on Turner Classic Movies. McCain picks "Paths of Glory", the best anti-war flick ever.

Why can't the government retain its cybersecurity chiefs? Apparently, it's tough to get consensus on what needs to be done.

Steve Tilley of the Edmonton Sun writes the wittiest "Apprentice" recaps I know.

Exercise Yard

I'm curious to see where this "A-Rod's a swinger" story goes. Maybe he killed Laura Palmer.

Visitor

5 Across: R&B family name (5 letters) Answer: Isley

Isolation Thought

It's the time of the season for lots of campaign polling. I find the Rasmussen Reports to be a good tool. I find it better to stick with one poll the whole way. It gets way too confusing if you watch the tracking of candidates from lots of different sources.

Meal of Links

What the hell is John Edwards doing with his fingers?

Cole Ford, an ex-Raider kicker, is wanted for firing a gun at Siegfried and Roy. Parallelling his football career, he missed.

The "World Sex Championships" are taking place in Warsaw. Many Poles are in attendance.

Exercise Yard

Looks like the Cubs are doing everything within their power to dump Sammy Sosa.

Visitor

29 Down: "The Simpsons" bartender (3 letters) Answer: Moe

Isolation Thought

I think Howard Stern's move to Sirius satellite radio is fascinating on several fronts. Most of all, it has a chance to save the company in the short term and minor topics, such as sales of home-based units, could be affected, as well. Sirius lags behind XM in subscribers, and Stern was really the remaining big catch. XM had recently signed Opie and Anthony and Bob Edwards, all of whom had huge radio followings. To listen to O&A on XM costs you an extra $1.99 a month, while XM now has a public radio channel (I was listening to a "Whad'ya Know?" rerun on there the other day). I don't know what Stern's price point would be. I'm sure it could be higher, but listeners would have to fork over money for the equipment, pay a monthly fee and an additional fee to listen to Stern. One would think to reach Stern's audience, discounts combined with long-term subscriptions will be the order of the day. But it looks like Sirius is really getting serious about the business. It has cast its lot with the one true superstar of radio who might be able to break through the public mindset of not paying for the airwaves. No question, it is the radio story of the year and might determine the future of radio. It is that big.

Meal of Links

"Million to one shot, doc. Million to one".

Kobe's victim must be identified. This is for the few who don't know her yet.

"Team America" almost got the dreaded NC-17 rating for "puppet sex".

Exercise Yard

The Sun follows Tiger Woods on his honeymoon.

Visitor

52 Down: Punk star ____ Pop (4 letters) Answer: Iggy

Isolation Thought

Welcome to the land of plenty of poverty!!! I'd have to say Bob Hope put on the gloves and pounded out a clear decision today. "I just met you today." But the VP debate never means much anyway, so it's on to Saint Louis.

Meal of Links

Rodney Dangerfield died today. Favorite joke: It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off... I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off...I'm afraid to go to the bathroom!

Hey, let's take a ride to space. Now where can we get $200,000?

Hollywood's 10 best gambling movies. Actually, some very good choices here. Especially "Let it Ride", which captures the atmosphere of a racetrack perfectly.

Exercise Yard

Sheff says he didn't use "the clear". He used "the cream".

Visitor

7 Down: Elvis ____ Presley (4 letters) Answer: Aron

Isolation Thought

If you didn't make your own stamps via stamps.com you're outta luck. I think part of the problem is they would not accept copyrighted photos, and I'm sure they had some customers sneaking in a lot more than The Smoking Gun did. I mean how can some schlep in receiving determine that a picture of Christopher Walken is not really your Uncle Fred.

Meal of Links

Elton John is insane.

One of the original Mercury astronauts,Gordon Cooper, has died. Dennis Quaid played him in "the Right Stuff".

Rummy now says there is no Saddam link to 9/11. That seems to be a late strategy change, although there are morons out there who still believe it.

Exercise Yard

Malcolm Glazer wants to buy Manchester United.

Visitor

65 Across: Swedish cinematographer Nykvist (4 letters) Answer: Sven

Isolation Thought

Randomness from today's Browns home game:

My Dad was today's special guest. When we were losing and looked in bad shape, he invoked the 50 cents off the price of the ticket discount for every point we were behind.
Again, today's defense was outstanding. We got to see Kenard Lang dance again.
They must have sprayed Fabreze under the Shoreway, no smells.
Garcia and the offense was adequate, but no interceptions. Although, he committed one of the worst intentional grounding penalties I've seen.
Cleveland Browns Stadium northwest escalator worked for the first time this year.
"Penalty marker on the field of play." was uttered more than Bush's "hard work" from the debate.
Winslow's an injured playa, dude.
Much more of a sedate crowd in Section 345 today. No problems. Now about that shirtless guy in 347 who resembled Haystacks Calhoun.
Best line from me (Actually this was from the Springsteen show on Saturday night, responding to the comment: "Gee, it's only after the fifth song, and Bruce is already soaking wet."): "So are 75% of the women in the audience."
Best line by a random (by a little kid, passing a Kerry booster on West 3rd): "Kerry sucks."
Best new nameplate on a #2 jersey: OUCH
Best nameplate on a Browns jersey: #04 Candavisin (Do you get it? I knew you would.)
Oddest Browns jersey: #93 Ball.
No concessions were purchased nor harmed during the game.
Don't hate me because I paid for parking.
Asinine halftime contest is still there. But the Ohio State band was there and did some Script Ohios, which is always cool.
The Brownie has made his return on t-shirts without peeing.
Beggar solicitations: 2.
More boas today on the ladies and one guy. I don't get it.
Bad high school cheerleading.
Not so many drunks, but there were 2 ejections today.
The sing-along from Dave and Buster's. The song: "Brown Eyed Girl". Of course, I sang. We were laughing and running, skipping and a jumping. And, of course, the crowd snored.
I've watched football for many years. It's beyond comprehension that we won today's game, 17-13.

Now for the Vote for Change Tour. Setlists are here. Heard a few Bright Eyes songs from the concourse. Nothing special. Michael Stipe of R.E.M. has become quite the entertainer ("We're R.E.M. and we approve this concert.") He wore a white suit from the Good Humor line. He inspired me. When I saw his earplugs, it inspired me to wear mine. He seemed like he was having a great time and actually forgot the words to "Man on the Moon". John Fogerty ripped through a very enthusiastic set of 5 songs. The E Street Band is a different story and you really can't be critical, because it's a cult that goes to these shows. But there is definitely something wrong with Clarence Clemons. He has a chair now to rest, and was not featured very much at all. I may have missed something, but the guy has to be ill. I see Little Steven share the mike with The Boss, and all I think about is garlic. Anyhow, Bruce got to do his preacher act during "Mary's Place", and I was trying to channel preachers for him to end the damn song already. Show lasted from 7:30 until Midnight. Bright Eyes: 30 minutes. R.E.M.: 60 minutes. The E Street Band (including Fogerty): 120 minutes.

Meal of Links

"Bottle of red. Bottle of white. Billy Joel got married again last night."

Dead people decided to step out and dance during Hurricane Ivan.

No shit. Coffee's addictive.

Exercise Yard

A statistical check on how good (or bad) the Indians starting pitchers are.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Isolation Thought

There may be a freeze warning for hell tonight, because I am seeing Bruce Springsteen at the Vote for Change Tour at the Gund. It is the first Springsteen show I've seen in 26 years. Of course, I was just a lad back then.

I did not mean to give short shrift to the debate the other day, but I just don't think it can move Kerry up significantly. It was revealed in spades, however, that we have a dumbass for a President. But if you subscribe to the Republican theory that "Americans is stupid.", you can see how difficult it is to convince the general public that Dumya is an idiot.

Bush made many hilarious statements. "You forgot Poland!!!" had to be at the top. We all know that Presidenting is "hard work. I see it on TV." How about "mexed missages", "transshipment", he called the mullahs "moo-lahs", and he told two jokes when he knew the audience was forbidden to make noise. Then he said he'd like to put his twins "on a leash" (mmmm...), conveniently forgetting that was the restraint of choice at Abu Gharib. If re-elected, this guy will be a lamer duck than Governor Tax.

I had a terrific meal at The Town Fryer last night. This is a cozy Southern joint at 39th and Superior, formerly the Chung Wah. To paraphrase Jerry Maguire, "You had me at Chicago-style hot dog...or was it the Po' Boy?" Each item I had was really, really good. They must be getting somewhat popular because they ran out of some items by dinner time, including cornbread, brownies and banana pudding. My meal consisted of an Aloha Bob, which is skewers of ham, pineapple and cherry fried in a tempura-based batter. I had meat loaf and mashed potatoes (as Marv Albert would say, "YES!!! And it counts!!!), a taste of their fried chicken (man, no grease at all) and topped it off with a lemon square. And I had iced tea, too. And a pretty eclectic jukebox, as I played Dwight Yoakam, Elvis Costello, Little Feat, Asleep at the Wheel and U2. They also have PB&J, grilled cheese and BLTs on the menu. And the owner/chef told us with her cute accent, "Thank y'all for comin'." A cool place.

Meal of Links

Mel Brooks thinks Toronto bagels are mushy. Kind of like the idea for "Spaceballs 2".

Mel Gibson has a stalker who wants to pray with him. Apparently, too much Passion.

Mel Martinez seems to lie a lot in his Florida Senate campaign.

Exercise Yard

Mel Allen isn't around anymore, but TWIB is celebrating its 700th episode today. How about that?

Visitor

16 Across: Seven-time Best Actor nominee (11 letters) Answer: Peter O'Toole