Isolation Thought

Randomness from today's Browns home game:

My cousin Gale was today's special guest. And she brought a blanket.
Today's defense, once more, was really good. Especially in the second half.
The cold weather killed all the smells under the Shoreway.
Running game today was better, as the Bengals run defense is shitty. But Garcia threw two Couch-like interceptions in the first half. Although a 99-yard TD pass puts a little hop in your step.
The G.E. Smith Band is now officially the house band of the Browns. They have constructed a small stage near the northeast side of the field for him. It's cold to be playing "Sweet Jane". He had the hood on in the second half. Can't wait for "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree" in December.
Winslow's still an injured playa, dude.
A sedate crowd in Section 345, but a noticeably dumber one, because of Bengals fans. When did I-80 become the Mason-Dixon Line? Was I off that week?
Best line from me (after the third Bengal lining-up offside penalty): "Get a smaller helmet."
Best line from a random (in men's room, after Bengals tie game at 14): "Here we go Brownies, here we go--Lose, Lose."
Best defacing of a #2 jersey: AT HOME ON THE (in ink, above the nameplate)
Oddest Browns jersey: #54 Spielman. (Too many coats today.)
Best shirt: Obviously my "What Would Johnny Damon Do?" t-shirt.
$4 hot dog, $5 souvenir soda (Like Kerry, I have a plan. Stop buying this crap.)
Asinine halftime contest is still there. But Pee-Wee football was played and that's always a highlight.
Beggar solicitations: 1 (His name was Marvin Connor, Homeless Man. I gave him 60 cent. If you see him in the Warehouse District, tell him I said hi.)
One of the boa crowd was lap dancing in our section. In the second half, she decides to start grinding on her friend. Guy in 346 gets his wallet out and starts waving money. Joke not over, as woman then gyrates around the railing for our section. Although effect is lost when she enters the portal of our section and the wind tunnel effect blew her hat off. If we were at Springer, chants of "Whore!" would have sprung up.
Bad high school cheerleading.
Drunks were mildly under control, and no ejections from our section.
The sing-along from Dave & Buster's. The song: "Old Time Rock and Roll". My hatred for this song prevented any singing. Am I at a Browns game or a wedding? Today's crowd dutifully ignored it.
The Browns coldest, but best game of the year. Browns win, 34-17.

Meal of Links

Bill O'Reilly's pre-emptive lawsuit shows he should rename his show, "The O'Reilly Fear Factor". Vibrator self-use smacks of ego.

The alleged mutiny in Iraq by a National Guard unit from South Carolina will be exploited by the left. If it's an isolated incident though, I'm not sure how it will play out. But look for major coverage on this.

I guess this is the difference between southern Ohio and northeastern Ohio these days. Cincinnati gets the Beer Hall of Fame while Cleveland wants to build a Steel Heritage Museum. Unless I'm overestimating the ratio between beer drinkers and steel fans, which sounds like the better deal? I'm not sure either would draw well, but beer tends to be more fun. Unless you pass out in a bar restroom.

Exercise Yard

The San Francisco Chronicle (personally, this series is Pulitzer material) with another report on Barry Bonds. The heat is getting turned up.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Isolation Thought

I had a good night last night because my bar tab, after an evening of drinking, was determined to be $0. That's a nice feeling. But my advice to television viewers is don't drink and then watch "The Prisoner". No. 6 is playing cricket, then he's boxing, then he's dressed like Sherlock Holmes, then there's a car chase, then he can't find this woman at a carnival. Whoa, what the hell is going on? Thank God I fell asleep shortly thereafter.

Meal of Links

I like Jon Stewart, but in this video of Friday's "Crossfire", I think he's a bit of a jerk. Very strange. You can sense the discomfort of the audience, who along with the hosts, want him to "be funny". I mean why go on "Crossfire" and lecture? My problem with Stewart's interview with Kerry was it was the first time in ages that Kerry took questions from anyone, including his own press corps. Comedy show aside, I felt he had an obligation to ask something with some degree of difficulty. Having said that, I think Kerry didn't even grasp that he was on a comedy show. But this Stewart clip will go down in the annals of TV because he was more or less the anti-guest.

Old-timer dies waiting in line for "Oprah" tickets. I think Oprah will pay for the funeral. Won't she?

Look at these infrared zoo animals. I think I went to school with a Tawny Frogmouth.

Exercise Yard

Uh-oh. Barry Bonds trainer says Bonds used an "undetectable steroid" during the 2003 season. I guess it was "the clear" and not "the cream."

Visitor

21 Down: Joan Collins' "Dynasty" role (6 letters) Answer: Alexis

Isolation Thought

DEBATE NUTSHELL

Kerry:

Wins every damn coin toss. A sign, perhaps?
Hair helmet.
Red tie.
"I have a plan."
Containers not inspected.
Afghan Warlords.
Ceiling fans from China. WTF?
"I am truly not concerned about Bin Laden."
Name drop all the swing states. (Ohio, Wisconsin, Colorado)
"Pay as you go."
Tony Soprano.
Nanosecond.
Cheney's lesbian daughter. For the fundies.
Altar boy.
Blue Cross/Blue Shield.
Scan the eyes and thumbs of all Mexicans who swim over.
I've WORKED with McCain.
I hunted near a crack house in Iowa.
I married up.
Deathbed mother says, "Bosco."

Bush:

Red tie.
"Freedom is on the march."
Canadian meds...bad, Canadian flu vaccine...good.
No child left behind.
Ex-ag-ge-ra-tions.
"Pay go."
Ted Kennedy.
"Budget man."
Laid off? Why there's a community college down the road a piece.
Pell Grants
"Whoo."
Foam at mouth.
Gays? I dunno.
"I hope it's not the administration."
"Buggy and horse". Literally, the cart before the horse.
"I like people to own things."
McCain ENDORSED me.
NAACP? What's that?
$5.15/hour...a healthy wage
"Armies of compassion."
Wife says, "He's spongeworthy."

Meal of Links

Anna Kournikova doesn't win any tournaments, but she still corrupts the youth.

The new host of the Oscars...envelope, please...Chris Rock. "Ted Koppel ain't never took shit from me."

Eric Clapton gets a speeding ticket for driving 134 mph. Billy Joel attempts to break record Saturday.

Exercise Yard

Bad news is the NHL season was supposed to start this week, but did not. Good news is the Bruins are still in first place.

Visitor

64 Across: "Saturday Night Live" notable Fey (4 letters) Answer: Tina

Isolation Thought

How frustrating. I was listening to "Burning Inside" by Ministry this a.m., which requires you to drive at least 87 mph. The woman in front of me on Route 8 decides that'd be a nice stretch of road to do her eyes. Now I've been bumped twice by women who decided to apply makeup and not pay attention, so when I see it in action, it pisses me off. I don't think you see many guys leaving the house without any pants on, when they are running late. Just wake up 5 minutes earlier, would that hurt anything?

And I was in such a good mood until that point because one of two songs I permit myself to dance to while driving was on. There are two danceable songs while driving: "Roam" by the B-52's and "Our House" by Madness. Everything else is fair game for singing, but those are the only two with which you can do a legitimate dance. Don't even compare applying makeup to dancing. I can still dance and drive 87 mph.

Meal of Links

Nicky Hilton's marriage lasted 60 times longer than Britney Federline's first one.

Phil Spector wants the grand jury documents to remain sealed.

Tyra Banks shows her bling-bling.

Exercise Yard

Al Leiter does a great job on the Fox baseball coverage, now that Tim McCarver has gone senile. But have you noticed when Fox runs a certain-angled replay, they insert the sound effect of a crack of the bat. I don't get that at all. At least they dumped the exploding radar sound effect. But "Scooter" needs to go. Do not interrupt a game to have a cartoon explain what a curveball is.

Visitor

14 Across: Reagan advisor Nofziger (3 letters) Answer: Lyn

Isolation Thought

The mystery of Giant Eagle Diet Cola continues. The Hudson store also stocks it in a 12-pack of cans, but not 2-liter bottles. There has to be a reason why. This has Nobel Prize ramifications if someone unlocks this secret.

I bought some Dr. Seuss stamps at the Post Office today, as I'm not one to take the ordinary flag stamps. I always cringe when Lenny is working the clerk area. He's the only guy I know who has actually gone postal. "There was an incident", as Kramer would say. From what I understand, a customer could not make up their mind if they wanted they a receipt, and Lenny went ballistic. A garbage can was heaved over the counter in the direction of the line of customers. So, I try to listen to the chatter between Lenny and the customers to determine the mood. When I heard him say to the woman in front of me, "That's a very nice blazer you're wearing." I knew I was good to go.

While at the dentist yesterday, I was subjected to watch what may have been the worst television show ever. Not even a poor man's version of "The View", it was more like the homeless man's version of "The View". This train wreck of a show is called "Life and Style". In the words of Leonard Pinth-Garnell, "that one really bit the big one". Jules Asner is on this piece of garbage, convincing us once more, she has no talent.

Meal of Links

Capital punishment for those under 18 goes to the Supreme Court.

I pity the fool who won't see the new "A-Team" movie.

Eminem makes fun of Michael Jackson in his latest video. Looks like Marshall dresses up like Jacko and bounces up and down on a bed with little kids, amongst other hilarious actions.

Exercise Yard

It's too bad that members of Mariano Rivera's family were electrocuted in his pool. Apparently, electric currents were run through the pool to deter dogs from peeing in the pool. That doesn't sound right, but that's the story.

Visitor

49 Across: Actor Fernando (3 letters) Answer: Rey

Isolation Thought

I guess John Kerry killed Christopher Reeve. If he drops your name at the next debate, be near a hospital. A global test would be if the Red Sox lose to the Yanks.

Meal of Links

Sean Penn's a little frosted about "Team America: World Police".

Not that I noticed, but Lindsay Lohan is on the cover of GQ. The headline: "Hollywood's "It" girl reveals her sizable talents".

Let's remember what Halloween was like in 1989.

Exercise Yard

Ken Caminiti died yesterday. His steroid use and continuing addictions obviously cut his life short at age 41.

Visitor

51 Across: Astronaut Walter (7 letters) Answer: Schirra

Isolation Thought

Something that Giant Eagle does has me perplexed. I'm not talking about buying 15 items and getting 9 plastic bags. It's about Giant Eagle Diet Cola. My Iggle does not stock their Diet Cola in 2-liter bottles. You can get it in a 12-pack of cans, but not in a bottle. That's strange. You can get Diet Ginger Ale or Diet Root Beer, and any of the assorted fruity flavors in 2-liter bottles. It isn't killing me or anything, but I find it really odd.

Meal of Links

Sizable reward for finding who drowned a dog in Massachusetts. It was almost like a mob hit. On a dog. That's sick.

Every once in a while, I'll tune in the MLB playoffs on my Fox Sports Spanish station. It's on about a 10-second delay from the regular broadcast. But the commercials are funny. It used to be they would just do a voiceover on an English ad. But there's Catherine Zeta-Jones for T-Mobile saying "Recibe Mas" at the end of the commercial. It startled me this morning when the European Golf announcer told me, "It's time for a Gray Goose." and it wasn't even 10:00 here. Then it sunk in that they are in a different time zone.

I had not checked in with the friendly folks from Weekly World News for some time. I'm happy to report that canine burqas are now standard issue in the Middle East. They are called "barkas".

Exercise Yard

I watched the end of the Seattle-Saint Louis game today and it shows how bad the Browns are. I have no confidence when they fall behind that they can actually mount a comeback. Saint Louis was out of it, as late as midway through the 4th quarter, and they still got the win. We can't even "pad the stats" late, because we are so bad. I'm not sure where the team is headed, but it was not pretty to watch today, and it seems kinda bleak. It's easy to say we've only played five games, but I can't point to anything that we do consistently well. Very hard to think of playoffs after today.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Isolation Thought

Debates crack me up. Both guys came out of this one pretty well, I thought. Kerry was strong again on foreign stuff, but average on domestic and should have blasted Bush on the "Mistakes? What mistakes?" question. Bush had a better second half and seems like his domestic angles are working for a reason I can't quite determine yet. The questions from the townies, for once, were good, and I could not detect any plants amongst the questioners.

John Kerry looked right at me and said he would not raise my taxes. That always gets my attention. And we found out Chris Reeve wants to walk again and Bush somehow inherited bad stem cells from Clinton. And what the hell do the Red Sox have to do with the environment? Kerry tends to bring more confusion to the debates than needed. If you're still not sold on Kerry and dislike Bush, this is for you. Keep in mind, he would be the first President since Andrew Jackson who has killed a man.

Bush: "I own a timber company? That's news to me! Need some wood?" had me on the floor. Of course, he has part interest in Lone Star Trust which owns a company that grows trees. It's funny, I can see why you'd want to lie on the big stuff, but not this little stuff about timber companies and Cheney not meeting Edwards. I still don't know why he didn't plant WMDs and say they were Saddam's. Nixon would have. It was great to learn Bush invented the hydrogen car, because he saw something on the Internets. The Internets, mind you. And many Canadians are dying from unsafe US drugs.

And how about at the end when the wealthy Charlie Gibson could not read the teleprompter because the two clowns stood in front of it, when he was signing off. One more of these debates next week in Tempe. Then bin Laden arrives on Hannity and Colmes about a week later. And what happened to Michael Moore's assertion that gas prices would plummet before the election? Lots of $2.15 for premium prices are floating about.

Meal of Links

"Vote for Change" concert is on Sundance, Monday evening at 6:30. Albert Maysles and D.A. Pennebaker (two of the best) have teamed for a documentary, as well. How they could edit this in a week is beyond me. Maysles did "Gimme Shelter" and amongst others, Pennebaker did "Depeche Mode 101" which are two of my all-time favorite documentaries.

The NY Times' Judith Miller digs in and won't name names in court.

If you can't spell names, such as Einstein and Shakespeare, on a mural, don't claim that spelling is a lost art because of computers, Just grab your paints and a brush and fix it.

Exercise Yard

I will never forget the atmosphere surrounding Vlad Guerrero's grand slam against Boston yesterday. Watch the tape. The crowd goes silent AS SOON AS HE HITS IT!!! Usually, you don't get that reaction or moans or boos until it's over the fence. It was so eerie, but majestic at the same time. Vlad is trotting around the bases and you cannot hear a peep. It was dead. And this was a place that was rocking as Mike Timlin threw the pitch. Amazing.

Visitor

5 Down: "Mask" actor (10 letters) Answer: Sam Elliott

Isolation Thought

The latest conspiracy theory is one that asks "Is Bush Wired?". It's great fodder for those who think our President is receiving messages from some Svengali while he's addressing the public or the press. It might go a long way explaining his pauses and blank stares in that he's waiting to process instructions. Quite possible, but there would have to be so many people aware of this, I'm not sure it could be pulled off without anyone speaking out of turn.

Meal of Links

Senators Edwards, McCain, Biden and Hatch pick significant movies for a series on Turner Classic Movies. McCain picks "Paths of Glory", the best anti-war flick ever.

Why can't the government retain its cybersecurity chiefs? Apparently, it's tough to get consensus on what needs to be done.

Steve Tilley of the Edmonton Sun writes the wittiest "Apprentice" recaps I know.

Exercise Yard

I'm curious to see where this "A-Rod's a swinger" story goes. Maybe he killed Laura Palmer.

Visitor

5 Across: R&B family name (5 letters) Answer: Isley

Isolation Thought

It's the time of the season for lots of campaign polling. I find the Rasmussen Reports to be a good tool. I find it better to stick with one poll the whole way. It gets way too confusing if you watch the tracking of candidates from lots of different sources.

Meal of Links

What the hell is John Edwards doing with his fingers?

Cole Ford, an ex-Raider kicker, is wanted for firing a gun at Siegfried and Roy. Parallelling his football career, he missed.

The "World Sex Championships" are taking place in Warsaw. Many Poles are in attendance.

Exercise Yard

Looks like the Cubs are doing everything within their power to dump Sammy Sosa.

Visitor

29 Down: "The Simpsons" bartender (3 letters) Answer: Moe

Isolation Thought

I think Howard Stern's move to Sirius satellite radio is fascinating on several fronts. Most of all, it has a chance to save the company in the short term and minor topics, such as sales of home-based units, could be affected, as well. Sirius lags behind XM in subscribers, and Stern was really the remaining big catch. XM had recently signed Opie and Anthony and Bob Edwards, all of whom had huge radio followings. To listen to O&A on XM costs you an extra $1.99 a month, while XM now has a public radio channel (I was listening to a "Whad'ya Know?" rerun on there the other day). I don't know what Stern's price point would be. I'm sure it could be higher, but listeners would have to fork over money for the equipment, pay a monthly fee and an additional fee to listen to Stern. One would think to reach Stern's audience, discounts combined with long-term subscriptions will be the order of the day. But it looks like Sirius is really getting serious about the business. It has cast its lot with the one true superstar of radio who might be able to break through the public mindset of not paying for the airwaves. No question, it is the radio story of the year and might determine the future of radio. It is that big.

Meal of Links

"Million to one shot, doc. Million to one".

Kobe's victim must be identified. This is for the few who don't know her yet.

"Team America" almost got the dreaded NC-17 rating for "puppet sex".

Exercise Yard

The Sun follows Tiger Woods on his honeymoon.

Visitor

52 Down: Punk star ____ Pop (4 letters) Answer: Iggy

Isolation Thought

Welcome to the land of plenty of poverty!!! I'd have to say Bob Hope put on the gloves and pounded out a clear decision today. "I just met you today." But the VP debate never means much anyway, so it's on to Saint Louis.

Meal of Links

Rodney Dangerfield died today. Favorite joke: It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off... I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off...I'm afraid to go to the bathroom!

Hey, let's take a ride to space. Now where can we get $200,000?

Hollywood's 10 best gambling movies. Actually, some very good choices here. Especially "Let it Ride", which captures the atmosphere of a racetrack perfectly.

Exercise Yard

Sheff says he didn't use "the clear". He used "the cream".

Visitor

7 Down: Elvis ____ Presley (4 letters) Answer: Aron

Isolation Thought

If you didn't make your own stamps via stamps.com you're outta luck. I think part of the problem is they would not accept copyrighted photos, and I'm sure they had some customers sneaking in a lot more than The Smoking Gun did. I mean how can some schlep in receiving determine that a picture of Christopher Walken is not really your Uncle Fred.

Meal of Links

Elton John is insane.

One of the original Mercury astronauts,Gordon Cooper, has died. Dennis Quaid played him in "the Right Stuff".

Rummy now says there is no Saddam link to 9/11. That seems to be a late strategy change, although there are morons out there who still believe it.

Exercise Yard

Malcolm Glazer wants to buy Manchester United.

Visitor

65 Across: Swedish cinematographer Nykvist (4 letters) Answer: Sven

Isolation Thought

Randomness from today's Browns home game:

My Dad was today's special guest. When we were losing and looked in bad shape, he invoked the 50 cents off the price of the ticket discount for every point we were behind.
Again, today's defense was outstanding. We got to see Kenard Lang dance again.
They must have sprayed Fabreze under the Shoreway, no smells.
Garcia and the offense was adequate, but no interceptions. Although, he committed one of the worst intentional grounding penalties I've seen.
Cleveland Browns Stadium northwest escalator worked for the first time this year.
"Penalty marker on the field of play." was uttered more than Bush's "hard work" from the debate.
Winslow's an injured playa, dude.
Much more of a sedate crowd in Section 345 today. No problems. Now about that shirtless guy in 347 who resembled Haystacks Calhoun.
Best line from me (Actually this was from the Springsteen show on Saturday night, responding to the comment: "Gee, it's only after the fifth song, and Bruce is already soaking wet."): "So are 75% of the women in the audience."
Best line by a random (by a little kid, passing a Kerry booster on West 3rd): "Kerry sucks."
Best new nameplate on a #2 jersey: OUCH
Best nameplate on a Browns jersey: #04 Candavisin (Do you get it? I knew you would.)
Oddest Browns jersey: #93 Ball.
No concessions were purchased nor harmed during the game.
Don't hate me because I paid for parking.
Asinine halftime contest is still there. But the Ohio State band was there and did some Script Ohios, which is always cool.
The Brownie has made his return on t-shirts without peeing.
Beggar solicitations: 2.
More boas today on the ladies and one guy. I don't get it.
Bad high school cheerleading.
Not so many drunks, but there were 2 ejections today.
The sing-along from Dave and Buster's. The song: "Brown Eyed Girl". Of course, I sang. We were laughing and running, skipping and a jumping. And, of course, the crowd snored.
I've watched football for many years. It's beyond comprehension that we won today's game, 17-13.

Now for the Vote for Change Tour. Setlists are here. Heard a few Bright Eyes songs from the concourse. Nothing special. Michael Stipe of R.E.M. has become quite the entertainer ("We're R.E.M. and we approve this concert.") He wore a white suit from the Good Humor line. He inspired me. When I saw his earplugs, it inspired me to wear mine. He seemed like he was having a great time and actually forgot the words to "Man on the Moon". John Fogerty ripped through a very enthusiastic set of 5 songs. The E Street Band is a different story and you really can't be critical, because it's a cult that goes to these shows. But there is definitely something wrong with Clarence Clemons. He has a chair now to rest, and was not featured very much at all. I may have missed something, but the guy has to be ill. I see Little Steven share the mike with The Boss, and all I think about is garlic. Anyhow, Bruce got to do his preacher act during "Mary's Place", and I was trying to channel preachers for him to end the damn song already. Show lasted from 7:30 until Midnight. Bright Eyes: 30 minutes. R.E.M.: 60 minutes. The E Street Band (including Fogerty): 120 minutes.

Meal of Links

"Bottle of red. Bottle of white. Billy Joel got married again last night."

Dead people decided to step out and dance during Hurricane Ivan.

No shit. Coffee's addictive.

Exercise Yard

A statistical check on how good (or bad) the Indians starting pitchers are.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Isolation Thought

There may be a freeze warning for hell tonight, because I am seeing Bruce Springsteen at the Vote for Change Tour at the Gund. It is the first Springsteen show I've seen in 26 years. Of course, I was just a lad back then.

I did not mean to give short shrift to the debate the other day, but I just don't think it can move Kerry up significantly. It was revealed in spades, however, that we have a dumbass for a President. But if you subscribe to the Republican theory that "Americans is stupid.", you can see how difficult it is to convince the general public that Dumya is an idiot.

Bush made many hilarious statements. "You forgot Poland!!!" had to be at the top. We all know that Presidenting is "hard work. I see it on TV." How about "mexed missages", "transshipment", he called the mullahs "moo-lahs", and he told two jokes when he knew the audience was forbidden to make noise. Then he said he'd like to put his twins "on a leash" (mmmm...), conveniently forgetting that was the restraint of choice at Abu Gharib. If re-elected, this guy will be a lamer duck than Governor Tax.

I had a terrific meal at The Town Fryer last night. This is a cozy Southern joint at 39th and Superior, formerly the Chung Wah. To paraphrase Jerry Maguire, "You had me at Chicago-style hot dog...or was it the Po' Boy?" Each item I had was really, really good. They must be getting somewhat popular because they ran out of some items by dinner time, including cornbread, brownies and banana pudding. My meal consisted of an Aloha Bob, which is skewers of ham, pineapple and cherry fried in a tempura-based batter. I had meat loaf and mashed potatoes (as Marv Albert would say, "YES!!! And it counts!!!), a taste of their fried chicken (man, no grease at all) and topped it off with a lemon square. And I had iced tea, too. And a pretty eclectic jukebox, as I played Dwight Yoakam, Elvis Costello, Little Feat, Asleep at the Wheel and U2. They also have PB&J, grilled cheese and BLTs on the menu. And the owner/chef told us with her cute accent, "Thank y'all for comin'." A cool place.

Meal of Links

Mel Brooks thinks Toronto bagels are mushy. Kind of like the idea for "Spaceballs 2".

Mel Gibson has a stalker who wants to pray with him. Apparently, too much Passion.

Mel Martinez seems to lie a lot in his Florida Senate campaign.

Exercise Yard

Mel Allen isn't around anymore, but TWIB is celebrating its 700th episode today. How about that?

Visitor

16 Across: Seven-time Best Actor nominee (11 letters) Answer: Peter O'Toole

Isolation Thought

The first Presidential debate took place this evening from the University of Miami campus. It was good to see U of M's mascot, Sebastian the Ibis, looking like Uncle Sam. Today's Fun Fact to Know and Tell: The ibis is a cool bird, as it's the last sign of wildlife to leave before a hurricane and typically the first to reappear after the storm. One could conclude that Sebastian is pretty tired these days.

The best sign I saw was on "Hardball". A picture of Bush with: Insane in the brain? You betcha.

You could sum up the debate this way. Bush was doing his best Brad Daugherty imitation by saying "hard work" eleven times. All I got from him was "hard work" and "mixed messages". Kerry was pretty much "Iraq" "Iraq" "Iraq". Kerry probably with a small win, might move up a couple of points. The best thing Kerry did was to quiet his own base about his effectiveness as a candidate. I'm guilty of that, but I think everyone will embrace him as the candidate and that becomes a non-issue going forward.

Don't forget, help is on the way Tuesday as Bob Hope goes on the Road to Cleveland.

Meal of Links

Darfur is not genocide, it's a "tribal conflict", says their foreign minister. Let's face it, the U.S. won't go in because their skin color is different than ours. There, I said it.

General Mills cereals are going whole-grain. How 'bout a round of Lucky Charms for everyone? "Brown hearts, beige moons, tan stars, ecru clovers" sounds pretty appetizing.

Looks like Mount St. Helens is gonna blow. The word magma, which had not been used much this century, makes a comeback.

Exercise Yard

Ichiro is on the verge of setting an incredible record, most hits in a season. Seattle was so bad this year that on August 1st I said, "Ichiro is hitting the quietest .360 I've ever seen." Then he just kept hitting.

Visitor

18 Across: 2003 A.L. Manager of the Year Tony (4 letters) Answer: Pena

Isolation Thought

I have had it with the folks at the OfficeMax near Parmatown. During this calendar year I have yet to have a smooth visit at this location. I needed to get an X-acto knife for self-mutilation purposes and, of course, they run out of register tape at the checkout. So the young hussy tells me, "I am majorly out of tape.", then screams for Deb. Then she suggests that maybe they need to put a longer warning line on the tape. Another customer shows up behind me and obviously knows the hussy and asks why there are no other registers open. My thought bubble reads: Has this guy ever been here before? Hussy suggests that many associates called off, they all had strep (BTW, is that the 21st century excuse for a cold?). Guy asks hussy, "Does that make you mad?" I butt in with, "No, it makes the customers mad." Just then Deb opens up Register 2 and I feel like kicking OfficeMax's ass to the curb as I leave.

What is going on with "The Apprentice"? Last week, it was a crazy person, this week, a bigot. Where were the screeners?

Meal of Links

If you go out to party for 33 hours, call a sitter.

Be careful how you pronounce the big asteroid, Toutatis.

Why doesn't Jimmy Carter shut his yap? This talk about election problems and international observers is just hot air.

Exercise Yard

Old Left Eye (Milton Bradley) finally blows his top at the Dodger game.

Visitor

12 Down: Murphy's "48 HRS." costar (5 letters) Answer: Nolte

Isolation Thought

Jim Rome congratulated Eddie Money on his starring role in the ESPN movie, "Hustle". That made me laugh. Did anyone watch this atrocity? If I said I wouldn't, I changed my mind and, trust me, it was not very good. The screenplay, which was based on The Dowd Report, read much like you thought a court transcript would. The actresses couldn't really act, but at least they looked good. I don't know if Pete Rose is like that in real life, but he tended to high-five a lot, which immediately made me think of Puddy. "Don't leave me hangin'."

Meal of Links

Always a cool list. The 2004 MacArthur Foundation Fellows.

Confounding reality once more, the Olsen Twins sign a 10-year video distribution deal, netting an 8-figure advance. Do kids still buy their crap?

Half of the Viagra sold online is fake. I wonder if Mark Martin can get away with 250 miles at Talladega on Saturday.

Exercise Yard

Looks like Bruce Drennan can keep his fellow inmates happy by singing show tunes.

Visitor

67 Across: Actress Berger (5 letters) Answer: Senta

Isolation Thought

It's Debate Week. Capped off by the Vote for Change Tour at the Gund. Never liked Bruce, R.E.M. is lousy now. I guess I'm there for Fogerty. Anyhow, here's an older article from the Atlantic, which looks at the debating style of the two candidates.

In case you hadn't heard:

Mount St. Helens is burping again.

Gas is now 50 bucks a barrel.

Kobe's accuser is pregnant.

Meal of Links

Conan O'Brien gets the job David Letterman should have. He has until 2009 to make the necessary changes for that early time slot.

Phil Spector calls the D.A. "Hitler". On Day One!!!

Suburban sprawl makes you sick. Come back and join us city dwellers in the land of Halloween lights, future felons, and random drunken pedestrians.

Exercise Yard

The Browns absolutely stunk yesterday. Didn't even want to listen to the postgame, which is normally pretty good after a loss. We have to turn this around soon. Next, it's the Redskins.

I think Little E must be hitting the Budweiser, given his account of his fiery crash earlier this summer. He believes the late Dale Earnhardt, Sr., helped him out of the car. I dig this kind of stuff, but this seems a bit contrived. Much like Davis Love III (who I dislike) winning the PGA while a rainbow (I guess his dad arranged it?) materialized.

Visitor

31 Across: Anonymous John (3 letters) Answer: Doe

Isolation Thought

I have completed reading "The Big Horse" by Joe McGinniss of "Fatal Vision" fame. I love going to the track, because it still has some character and characters. I truly believe I am in my element when I am there. This is a look back at the life of horse trainer P.G. Johnson, who finally got his "big horse" late in life. His big horse was Volponi, a horse my brother fondly remembers because he had him at 43-1 in the Breeders' Cup. It's a really good story, because P.G. was a throwback to the old days, was Jewish (given the blue blood aspects of the sport), and was a cranky old cuss. Lots of good anecdotes, a fond look back to racing of old and a great look at the racing of today. An easy read and of course, it had a great beat and it was easy to dance to. Many thumbs up.

Meal of Links

Move over, Rover. And let Jimi's lawyers take over.

Let's try some new Web browsers.

Lurch decides Iraq may be the easiest way to differentiate himself from Bush. Of course, he did vote for the war and doesn't have much of an exit strategy. Probably should have taken the Howard Dean approach from the start. Meanwhile, the British hostage awaits his fate.

Exercise Yard

After last night's debacle, Roy Jones, Jr. should retire. He was not fighting a tomato can yesterday and the effort was not there at all. Two knockouts at the end of a fabulous career shouldn't tarnish a great career. But sadly, too many boxing greats end up this way.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Isolation Thought

You can have some interesting conversations in a bar with friends. Last night, we confirmed the long-debated theory that single people don't make mashed potatoes. Astrologically speaking, I think I once had Jupiter, now I don't. I'm not sure what I was supposed to do with Jupiter when I did have it, and I hope someone would tell me when it comes back. I still have a Sydney Omarr horoscope from my birthday in 1998 wherein "Members of the opposite sex find you devastatingly attractive." Did I have Jupiter then? But Sydney's dead, and he's not going to tell people on their birthdays that they suck, will he? That's bad for sales, one would think.

But another topic was sex toy parties for the ladies. What intrigues me about this is not necessarily the products, but the process. Number one, a la Tupperware, you're probably forced to buy something. Even if it's some lotion or gag gift. Although, in this case, I guess you could buy a gag. You know you're in trouble if your purchase requires 8 D batteries AND Tim Allen to start it up. Certain things enter my brain about this kind of stuff. I'm reminded of the old Dyna-Gym commercials from the 70's: "I'll personally demonstrate it in the privacy of your own home." and I wonder if the sales rep has actually tried all of the items and maybe you can stump her with some obscure reference. I imagine there's a fair amount of giggling during the "Doc Johnson" portion of the program, then some product appears and the crowd descends into a "What's that?" sort of "I think I struck gold." kind of hushed murmur. I get a picture of at least one person in the group, talking like she's on "Jeopardy" who can vouch for a lot of the products. Kind of like the friend who knows way too much about porn. "Gee, I've tried the OrgasMax 7500, Alex, and I find their customer support to be top-notch." or "Alex, I find it works much better when you stand on your head." as everyone else runs for cover.

Or you could go online to sites like "Stormy Leather". Don't get any ideas, I haven't bought anything from there, but whips for $170? If I pay $170 for a whip, something is gonna get whipped. Maybe a carpet, a passerby, but something or someone will feel the wrath of the horsehair.

Meal of Links

Sinead O'Connor says, "Stop calling me crazy."

Dogs are pretty cool. Now they can detect bladder cancer.

Two galaxy clusters blowed up real good.

Exercise Yard

Lance still hasn't been paid for winning the "Tour de France". Something about doping.

Visitor

37 Across: Best actor of 1958 (5 letters) Answer: Niven

Isolation Thought

Another seemingly sane person called up 1100 today and said they saw a flying saucer. I don't know if these folks are hitting the bottle in the afternoon, but why don't they just wait and call Art Bell or George Noory or whoever else takes the crazy calls after midnight. Fittingly, Ralph Nader is on Friday. That might be a sign of how desperate that campaign is.

Meal of Links

You can make George Bush say anything you'd like. Kerry, as well.

I've said this for years and no one believes me. NFL players do not wear cups. They're nuts.

Looks like Phil Spector will be indicted.

Exercise Yard

The Lancet says the only reason the Formula One race is in Shanghai this week is Big Tobacco.

Visitor

44 Down: Ventriloquist whose hand was a puppet (6 letters) Answer: Wences

Isolation Thought

I must be slipping. I was informed today that there is a Waffle House in Medina. On Rt. 18 and I-71. How did I miss that? Needless to say, I will be there for breakfast over the weekend. Nothing like an ex-con cookin' you vittles.

Here's the latest story on panhandling. Because the sun glare on 480 has been so bad this week, I decided to use the Jennings to bypass some traffic. I see a guy on the entrance ramp with the hood up, so I pull over. Here is the story: "Bless you, you're the first person who has pulled over in an hour. We're from Detroit and we ran out of gas. I'm here with my 20-year old daughter and my 2-year old daughter. I came here to buy a breathing machine for my Dad and we don't have any money. Give me your name and address and I'll send you the money back." My first question is where from in Detroit? He replied, "Sterling." I think, OK, he did his homework. Then he tells me a security guard had stopped (I thought I was first) and that he was gonna bring him a gas can. I asked him why he needed money if the guy was bringing him gas. He corrected me and said the guard was going to bring the can back, but not with any gas. That's when I told him, "No, I can't help you." and sped off. Come on, the guard is going out of his way to get a can, but not put any gas in it? It was a story with too much information, therefore lots of holes. First of all, no "breathing machines" in Detroit? And, it's 8 a.m., so when did you buy it, where were you overnight? Just a ridiculous plea.

Of course, the bumper sticker "I Brake for Halloween Lights" didn't help his cause.

Meal of Links

America's breast director, Russ Meyer, died yesterday. Oh, he liked 'em big.

Looks like Cat Stevens has to ride the "Peace Plane" right out of the country, as he was deported. God, I hated his records.

If you walk, you won't have dementia.

Exercise Yard

Monty's thinking it's pretty good to be the king. First, all the Euro wives and girlfriends posed with him at the Ryder Cup. And, he got out of a traffic ticket.

Two doping updates. Tyler Hamilton's cycling team, Phonak, did a 180 and suspended him today. And they actually caught two guys doping at the Athens Paralympics!!!

Visitor

51 Down: Michael of R.E.M. (5 letters) Answer: Stipe

Isolation Thought

ESPN's "Dream Job" was much, much better today and it resulted in an easy cut. There is a Miami grad from Cleveland participating and he did OK. Stephen A. is really drilling folks with his criticism.

Meal of Links

How about that hilarious commercial for the "Dr. Phil" special on CBS? You know the one, where Phil tells some Mom that her son exhibits 9 of the 14 traits serial killers are known to possess. How can you not watch that show? I bet the kid's teachers are thrilled.

Ten things going wrong in Iraq. An absolute classic editorial cartoon from the Arizona Republic.

"Scorpion Queen" breaks world record. David Blaine having nightmares.

Exercise Yard

Doping in sports continues. I am actually surprised at the latest culprit, Tyler Hamilton. He was Lance's caddy for many years on US Postal and has had some fairly good results, including the latest Olympic gold medal, while dealing with many injuries. Of course, all cyclists who have failed tests proclaim innocence (and Hamilton came up positive on two tests), but eventually they all cave. The tests are getting more sophisticated and this was a newer test that actually tested for blood transfusions.

Visitor

37 Across: Folk singer Phil (4 letters) Answer: Ochs

Isolation Thought

It was heartening to see that "Arrested Development" won the Emmy for Best Comedy Series last night. The decline of network TV into reality shows and news magazines is quite dismaying, but this Fox show is one of a handful of network offerings that I never miss. The show is extremely funny and I really don't understand why more people do not watch it. It put Jason Bateman back on the map and has one of the best casts out there. It's not done in ordinary sitcom fashion, hell, it even has Ron Howard as a narrator, but those who complain "there is nothing on" need to give this show a shot. Fox has been patient with the series and I'm hoping they leave it alone. Trust me, you'll laugh and that's what comedies are there for, right?

Meal of Links

Star Jones took over red carpet duties from the Rivers. Riverses? Riversi? Anyhow, she's awful.

Traffic accidents spike up three days after a terrorist attack. Nobody knows why. It just does. Or, as in the case of Carole Chandler, maybe it's just bad driving. (Item 2)

CBS finally admits the Bush National Guard documents were forgeries. They should have punted on that a week ago.

Exercise Yard

Bernard Hopkins KO'd Oscar De La Hoya on Saturday, and now gets the accolades he richly deserves.

Visitor

69 Across: Grinch creator (5 letters) Answer: Seuss

Isolation Thought

As I was zipping home from watching the Browns debacle, I had a chance to listen to this new program on XM Radio. It's called (Quick Browns thought: I am off the Quincy Morgan bandwagon...again) "Then..Again...Live". This week they recreated Cheap Trick's "Live at Budokan" concert. And yes, they started with "Hello there, ladies and gentlemen. Hello there, ladies and gents, are you ready to rock? Are you ready or not?" All that was missing were the screaming Japanese fans. I know it came out 25 years ago, but let me tell you, these guys still have it. I would put Robin Zander's voice up against any other rock vocalist out there.

Meal of Links

Oops, Britney Spears got married again. Menu: Mini cheeseburgers and chicken strips. I guess they stopped at one of those White Castle/Church's complexes.

The first Enron trials start on Monday.

Here's Miss America's schedule, in case you want to stalk her this week.

Exercise Yard

The U.S. got steamrolled at this year's Ryder Cup. Look for rule changes, as that is the American Way when we get trounced.

How can the Browns have a quarterback go 8-of-28 and still have a shot at a win? Dallas wanted to give this one away and we didn't take it. My God, this offense stinks.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Isolation Thought

Should I be worried that as I pulled into my driveway last night at 11:45 after the Indians game, my new neighbor was in the process of stringing up Halloween lights? Not a big fan of the lights. Don't recall lights when I used to trick-or-treat. Seems too much of a marketing gimmick. I mean if you want to put a skeleton on your door, I'm hip. Little coffin on your porch, maybe some scary music, I'm with ya. But lights? Nope.

What would scare me is if they're Christmas lights. Or worse yet, some random "we like lights" statement.

Meal of Links

"We don't smoke marijuana in Muskogee", unless you're Macauley Culkin.

No, it's not the old lady hoarding cats story. It's the old guy hoarding guns story.

It's Ryder Cup weekend. The only time you'll hear the word "dormie".

Exercise Yard

Barry Bonds hits No. 700. I really thought Griffey, Jr. would get there, but I think Bonds will be the last to 700 for a while. I think Sosa will probably break down before he has a chance. Bonds benefited greatly in this era, due to juiced baseballs after the 1994 strike, virtually each team building a new stadium, and the cloud of steroid use. I'd like to see him beat Aaron. If he's clean, that is.

Speaking of juicing, Tom Hamilton heavily implied that Bobby Higginson of the Tigers must have been on something during his big years. Once again, Hammy criticizes anything to do with opponents, while conveniently turning a blind eye toward his own team. All one has to do is look at Jim Thome or Manny Ramirez and wonder.

Visitor

1 Across: Two-time Masters champion (15 letters) Answer: Seve Ballesteros

Isolation Thought

Hey, Errol Morris made the LA Times Syndicate crossword today. You wanna see fine documentaries? I urge you to view his work.

Johnny Ramone died today. It makes me kinda sad, as that makes three of them gone at rather young ages. I always liked these guys, got to see them live a couple of times. Once I thought Joey Ramone was gonna die right there on the stage at the Phantasy Theatre. Really hot inside the building, combined with beer drinking and I'm shocked he made it through. Of course, they could knock out about 25 songs in an hour, so he could have left at any time and he would have touched most of their catalog. Not big sellers though, probably because they were not radio friendly and they didn't exactly have the chicks swooning over their looks. But a terrific band, nonetheless, with a great sense of humor. Gabba Gabba Hey.

Meal of Links

We haven't had a "Beer is good for you" story in, what, about 3 weeks or so. Here's another one for your binge drinking pleasure.

The Olsen Twins decide to promote McDonald's in France. Because no one in America has seen them eat.

Larry David blasts the undecided voters. I've decided it's a very funny editorial.

Exercise Yard

The most fascinating story from the Olympics continues. The Aussie women's rowing team is at it again. "Lay-Down Sally" has to be THE sports nickname of the year.

Visitor

4 Down: "The Fog of War" producer Morris (5 letters) Answer: Errol

Isolation Thought

Next week it is National Singles Week, with the added bonus of Sunday being Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Jeff Garcia is gonna have real trouble calling signals on Sunday.

Meal of Links

New York families are getting hosed when it comes to paying for college.

The Kennedy Center Honors program must need the ratings. Elton John and Warren Beatty receive medals.

Phil Spector gets his murder trial delayed. Perhaps, for his hair.

Exercise Yard

Dickies is going to sponsor the NASCAR fall race at Texas.

Visitor

52 Down: Jazzman Getz (4 letters) Answer: Stan

Isolation Thought

Not being a smoker, what are the rules at a hurricane shelter? I mean is there a guy at the door telling you to move it outside if you wanna smoke? Or what if it's stormy, do they prevent you from going outside to smoke a cig? I dunno, you'd think there would be more fights at these places.

Looks like Kobe told the cops a bunch of stuff he probably regrets. My take is that so much leaked out about the victim, someone sympathetic to her leaked these items to SI.

Meal of Links

The son of the "voice of God" is suing Campbell Soup. His alphabet soup must have spelled: S-U-E T-H-E B-A-S-T-A-R-D-S.

Paul and Ringo take a bite out of Apple Computer. Probably got the idea from lunch.

Tracey Gold didn't use to eat. Apparently, she still doesn't. Not even soup.

Exercise Yard

Just finished watching the first of this year's "Dream Job" episodes on ESPN. Strong performances by 2 of the guys, but absolutely brutal stints by the other 4. I've had this credo for years: "If people at home think they can do better than a performer on television or radio, they need to be off the air." I wouldn't miss any of those 4 who were lousy. Which leads me to this...How is Kit Hoover still on the air, judging others? For my sake, please watch ESPN2's "Cold Pizza" a couple of times and try and convince me otherwise.

Visitor

42 Across: Classic Paul Newman role (12 letters) Answer: Butch Cassidy

Isolation Thought

Just a couple of more items from the Browns game. G.E. Smith signed up for really crappy duty and led his band through about 40 seconds of music each time there was a stoppage in play. They interspersed that video with crowd shots making it appear the crowd was paying attention to G.E. Sorry G.E., they were just mugging for the camera.

And Jim Brown did not wear his old uniform while all others of the 1964 championship team did, including Lou Groza's wife, for a trophy presentation. I don't know if it's:

a) I have a life beyond football.
b) Guys in their 60s look stupid in uniforms.
c) I'm still stickin' it to the man.
d) All of the above.

And Gary Collins saying, "Cleveland Rocks" has about as much credibility as me saying, "Fo' shizzle my nizzle."

Meal of Links

How come no one can figure out "hand over heart" in this photo? The kids especially.

Oprah gave away cars to her entire anniversary audience. When will the first person bitch about what kind of car it was, taxes and insurance? It's coming soon.

I kinda like this year's Rock Hall nominees.

Exercise Yard

Peter King watched the Browns game. Note the Winking Lizard episode.

Visitor

3 Down: Fair Deal president (6 letters) Answer: Truman

Isolation Thought

Randomness from the Browns first regular season home game:

My brother Jeff's record at the new stadium is 7-5. Maybe he should have the tickets.
Defense today was outstanding. Kenard Lang was dancing after each of his tackles.
If it smelled under the Shoreway, I didn't even care.
Garcia and the offense was non-existent for about three quarters and looked awful.
Cleveland Browns Stadium northwest escalator broken. Again. But they let us use the stairs.
Second play of game...false start!!! Again. Did you hear me?
Winslow's a playa, dude.
Looks like there was a big change in STH's around us this year. Idiots from Columbus were in front of us. Thank God, they were not season ticket holders. Pretty normal until we had a disagreement on strategy near halftime. Their second half lowlights: After first touchdown, one male tore down the pants of other male. Second male relieved himself in a beer cup, a first for the new stadium that I've seen.
I think Garcia had a great last 16 minutes of the game.
Best line from me (Commenting on a group of four lovely young women, who wore boas(!) to the game): "They probably got them from the strip club where they work."
Best line by a random: "My name is Big Mack and you can kiss my ass, Jamal Lewis."
Best new nameplate on a #2 jersey: PUSSY
Oddest Browns jersey: #38 Langham.
Only $3.50 bottle of pop at stand...Pepsi Edge. $5.00 souvenir soda of Pepsi purchased instead. $4.00 hot dogs, as well. Look for the new napkins which roll out like toilet paper.
Asinine halftime contest is still there.
The Brownie made his return on t-shirts. Unfortunately he was pissing on the Ravens' logo with "Fuck Baltimore" on the back.
Beggar solicitations: 0.
19 Action News was handing out t-shirts in easy shrinkable L sizes.
Bad high school cheerleading.
Many drunks. No ejections or lectures. Just peeing and nacho farts from Columbus guy.
Worst ad ever. The sing-along from Dave and Buster's. The song: "Sweet Caroline". Of course, I sang. We were reaching out and touching people all over the place. How that fits in with football is anyone's guess.
Hey, we won 20-3.

Meal of Links

Are we really in need of "The Tony Danza Show"? It really bugs me that a guy like that has his own TV show and I don't. I'm calling my agent tomorrow.

Fingerprint passwords intrigue me. But will it work after you eat Cheetos?

Mexicans hate light beer.

Exercise Yard

Roger Federer absolutely dominated the U.S. Open final. In a conversation this a.m., I said Federer had an excellent chance at becoming one of the all-time greats. A true artist on the court. From a shotmaking perspective, might be the best since McEnroe.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Isolation Thought

It's 9/11 today and I hope everyone took out at least a few seconds to think about those who lost their lives in the attack and those who have perished in the battle since that fateful day. But life, no matter how trivial, moves on...

I am getting ready for the Browns opener tomorrow vs. the hated Baltimore Ravens. Here is a Ravens scouting report that might be of interest. Openers have not been kind to the Browns lately, but the first game always has such an aura of great expectations, they are fun to attend. Mainly because we really haven't seen what the team can do with their new QB, Jeff Garcia. We'll know fairly quickly if we should get those hopes up. BTW, that's me you'll hear screaming after our first false start.

Meal of Links

CBS, for whatever reason, appears to have broadcast forged documents regarding W.'s National Guard duty. Let's put that aside for now, as it is becoming clear that Bush walked away from his duties.

Looks like Freakboy loses at "Jeopardy!" in a couple of weeks. He lost all 4 Final Jeopardies this week. He must be bored.

Folks always point to Canada's healthcare system as a model on how to do things. But there are problems surrounding the administering of basic healthcare needs.

Exercise Yard

I just noticed that Indiana, of all teams, was leading Oregon, 23-0, at the half. Fairly insignificant except for the running exploits of one BenJarvus Green-Ellis.

Visitor

37 Down: "Boston Public" actress (8 letters) Answer: Jeri Ryan

Isolation Thought

I set a personal best at the dentist this a.m. when he said, "When we do a root canal, most people have 2 canals. Some have 3. Very few have 4. You have 4." Thank you, Jesus. The cool thing was it didn't take too long, as I think the status of the tooth allowed for easy access. This is the beginning of the last of my procedures for a while, I think.

I used to think Tom Sizemore was a decent actor, as he did nice turns in "Heat", "Saving Private Ryan", and especially "True Romance". He is starring in the new ESPN movie about Pete Rose, and like many other (make that all) ESPN movies, this one has all the appearances of a dog. However, one scene in the commercial for "Hustle" makes me laugh out loud. Sizemore is wearing sunglasses and appears to be walking on an airport tarmac, wearing a fur coat. I'm tellin' ya, he looks like Sonny Bono!!! I don't think of Pete Rose as a great athlete, but my God, I never thought he looked like an offkey singer from the 60's either. Anyhow, look for some sort of weird DVD collection eventually of these ESPN movies. Do not buy it.

Meal of Links

The NFL starts its season today. It amazes me how the NFL has surpassed MLB in popularity, and did it so easily. Looking back, I cannot believe it took Paul Tagliabue so long to be elected the commissioner. The NFL has such a position of strength these days, and they don't have a team in LA, which is truly amazing. Here is Bill Simmons' two part take on the new season. And why is Tom Jackson yelling like Stephen A. Smith right now on ESPN's NFL pre-game show, previewing "Monday Night Countdown", easily the most urban sports program on TV.

This year's Raiderette squad is wearing boots designed by Carlos Santana. I always wondered how Browns cheerleaders would look. I'm convinced they'd be in winter duds by November 1.

What's up with British rock these days? Franz Ferdinand wins the Mercury Prize. "Take Me Out" might be my favorite record of the year.

What does Lauren Bacall have against Nicole Kidman?

Exercise Yard

Federer beats Agassi at the U.S. Open. Match of the tournament, thus far. Look for Lleyton Hewitt to win. He has been under the radar, playing flawlessly.

Visitor

12 Down: Country singer Axton (4 letters) Answer: Hoyt

Isolation Thought

I am really aggravated by Dick Cheney's election comments. He said if Lurch were elected, we would absolutely be attacked. Huh, Edith? I thought two weeks ago W. said we were winning the war on terror. Of course, the Russians would dispute that. The U.S. military in Fallujah would dispute that. And numerous other countries and individuals would also dispute that. I think at a minimum, that Cheney comment is careless, but I think it's a perfect example of how this administration governs. Right from the pages of "Fear Factor".

Meal of Links

By golly, they found some of the Second One Termer in his Family's National Guard records. This would not have happened under the watch of one Radar O'Reilly.

"Friday Night Lights" has been made into a movie. It's from the Buzz Bissinger book about how huge high school football is in Texas, and is a proud member of my personal library. If you think Iggy or St. Ed's football is big, get a load of this.

I was looking forward to seeing that stunt pilot grab that NASA thingie out of the sky over Utah this morning. They had a really cool shot of it zooming towards earth, tumbling at about 15 rpm. As it was getting closer I thought out loud, "Uh, where's the parachute?" Gee, it failed to deploy and the thingie crashed into the earth. Next plan...giant catcher's mitt.

Exercise Yard

Well, I knew it would suck. "The Next Great Champ" had all of about 7 minutes of boxing action. None of it continuous. It focused too much on the personalities. Let's face it, if these boxers were any good, they would not need this program to make their mark. They should have Lou Duva tell stories for an hour to make it interesting.

Visitor

7 Down: Edison contemporary (5 letters) Answer: Tesla. And what the hell, the lyrics to "Tesla Girls" by OMD.

Isolation Thought

One of the things I like about being off is I'm able to check on "The Jerry Springer Show". Our next governor still has it. Yesterday, a guest claimed she had "two years of college education." Jerry politely interjected, "You can't be on our show...did you lie during the interview?" Of course, the audience is out of control and Jerry always has that one line that only his floor manager gets, but proceeds to crack me up. He's still the King.

Meal of Links

How about "The 10 Most Hated Men in Rock"? Recent Cleveland visitor John Popper, makes Honorable Mention. It's one man's opinion, but I kinda liked the list.

It's a good night for TV. Finally. "Frontline" debuts with a piece on the rebuilding of the WTC site. "P.O.V" resurrects "Wattstax", the black "Woodstock". And, of course, Fox starts "The Next Great Champ", for the few of us who remain fight fans. Yeah, it could suck like watching a Joe Mesi fight, but it's boxing.

TiVo and Netflix team up for movie downloads.

Exercise Yard

The saga of Tim Couch continues. The Pack cut him at the end of training camp, amid some strong comments of him dogging it during camp (his sore arm held him out of 10(!) training camp sessions), and not being the player the Packers thought they signed. He was beaten out by a third-stringer who had a (gulp) 18.5 passer rating in preseason. Clearly, this guy was in over his head. Oh, he may emerge like a Testaverde or a Dilfer, but I think he'll become more of a Rick Mirer type. It appears the Colts have some interest in him, ironically to fill the Kelly Holcomb role on the team.

Visitor

14 Across: "Hip to Be Square" rocker Lewis (4 letters) Answer: Huey

Isolation Thought

It's the Labor Day/I'm on vacation this week version. Fun things like a dental visit in the works. So, let's go random.

A history of Labor Day.

My prediction of sponsorship (including logos) of the "yellow line" on football games is halfway there. During a Fresno State-Washington game, I was constantly reminded the yellow line was sponsored by Overstock.com.

Two terrific columns from the Times. Maureen Dowd (good to see her making the rounds on TV lately with her new book), as usual, dead on. And Frank Rich actually calls Bush a sissy.

Only I could swap Bill Elliott for eventual race winner Elliott Sadler in NASCAR. Idiot.

A wedding cake made from Hostess products. Skyline Chili probably catered the affair.

From the world of unfortunate headlines.

Meal of Links

Aw, crap. Freakboy returns to Jeopardy tonight.

Anita Baker is back. In the music industry, it is very difficult to reclaim an audience. 10 years is a long time away.

Forbes annual listing of NFL team valuations. Browns revenues: $183 million. Browns operating costs: $59 million. It's good to be a Lerner. I think that just about quashes any new ownership rumors.

Exercise Yard

Contraction may lead to a player strike in Japanese Baseball.

Visitor

32 Down: Bennett of "What's My Line?" (4 letters) Answer: Cerf

Isolation Thought

I feel like Aldo Nova this morning, baecause I have to get my fantasy teams together. I'm still plugging away with NASCAR and, of course, the NFL starts Thursday night.

NASCAR has replaced the traditional Labor Day race, the Southern 500, with an evening race from SoCal. I play the ESPN game where you pick 5 drivers. It's these type of races I like, because if you pay attention, you can sneak someone on your team cheaply. That means a guy like the semi-retired Bill Elliott can be had for a song. Plus, he got me a Top Ten at the Brickyard and qualified third for this race. I like my chances.

Moving on to football. I don't play any fantasy games for money. They take up too much time and being a competitive sort, I really like watching football a lot, so I can't watch a game in pain if my fantasy guys stink that particular week. So, I play the Sporting News game for free. Here is my roster (2 QBs, 2 RBs, 2 WRs and a defense):

Byron Leftwich and Jake Delhomme, QB
Rudi Johnson and Corey Dillon, RB
Laveranues Coles and Andre Johnson, WR
Bears defense

I think it looks pretty good, except I don't have a real stud at any position. Maybe as the season proceeds, there'll be be a breakout rookie (like Anquan Boldin), who I can get cheaply, but we'll see.

BTW, two awesome food items at the Taste of Cleveland. Shrimp rolls from the Mekong River (not the Mekong Delta as I mistakenly called it during a Nam flashback) and Don Pablo's Chocolate Volcano Cake which must have increased my sugar level twofold.

Meal of Links

The buildup to Clinton's heart surgery is taking about as long as Hurricane Frances took to come on shore.

In case you are bewildered by all of the violence in Chechnya, this should help explain a lot of things.

A list of politiclaly-themed movies debuting this fall. Good to see another John Sayles film, "Silver City" coming out. I've always liked his films.

Exercise Yard

Well, my two favorite college football teams played and, as always, Michigan beat Miami. We'll see how Miami does with a new QB this year. But quite the debut from a Michigan freshman, who obviously didn't realize he had over 100,000 people watching.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

Isolation Thought

On principle, I never attend the Browns final preseason game. But it was great to see future star, Luke McCown, take third stringers upon many scoring drives. That's the problem with these final games. They are playing for spots, but how many, 2 or 3? Anyhow, Luke looks the real deal.

But in the neverending quest of doing things for free, I don't understand why anyone would pay for the Air Show. All you have to do is plant yourself behind the Rock Hall or Science Center and you have a great view. Take along a soda and a sammie or a lawn chair and you can sit in sun or shade. I parked by the Stadium on the street, strolled over to the Rock Hall, aligned myself expertly with the Mather and there you go. For free.

Combined with a free entry to tonight's Taste of Cleveland and it's a bargain day.

Meal of Links

Anheuser-Busch is a major player in hurricane relief. "Hooray, beer!"

Modern stalking via GPS tracking. James Bond was probably doing this in the sixties. Of course, his gadget size was big. In lots of ways.

Miss Universe has a wardrobe malfunction. And I say, "Nice butt."

Exercise Yard

Great to see Mary Pierce filling tennis dresses once more.

Visitor

60 Across: 1956 perfect game pitcher (6 letters) Answer: Larsen

Isolation Thought

Last night while watching Dick Cheney speak at the Republican convention, it hit me like a thunderbolt. The man is Bob Hope. His talking out of the side of his mouth, his timing where he turns to the side and waits for the applause after the punchline, and of course, staring ahead and then chuckling after a funny, my God, it was amazing. All that was missing was the golf club. I'm thinking this guy watched Hope deliver all those bad jokes over the years and he patterned his public speaking after him. Trust me, next time he delivers a speech from behind a podium, watch him and you'll immediately think of Bob "On the Road for Texaco" Hope.

Meal of Links

The Naked Chef's restaurant is apparently stripped of good food. As one paper noted, it "has now been judged far from lovely-jubbly."

Ray Ratto thinks we already have boxing reality shows. They're called "boxing".

How is the Elizabeth Smart kidnapper competent to stand trial, let alone able to plead not guilty? I mean he looks sane, but...

Exercise Yard

Even if Barry Bonds is on the yam-yam, the man has whiffed only 29 times this year. That's how many times the church bell chimed in "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald", for perspective.

Visitor

28 Down: Stylish 60's Brits (4 letters) Answer: Mods

Isolation Thought

Think of all the time and money that would have been saved if Kobe Bryant's victim had done what most others would probably do. Just take the money. She ended up filing a civil suit two weeks ago. Now Bryant cannot be tried criminally for this case and he'll probably pay a settlement. I think if she had tried to get that money at the start, she'd have wound up with more than she will now. Ironically, Kobe's wife has probably made out better cashwise than the victim ever will.

Mitt Romney just said, "We can't afford presidential leadership to come in 57 varieties." at the Republican convention. That's actually kinda funny.

Meal of Links

OK, we knew the 10th anniversary DVD of "Clerks" was coming out. But did anyone know it's a three disc effort? And Kevin Smith says he wants to do a sequel. Not sure about the sanity of that one. I mean those two actors haven't exactly been burning up the screen the last 10 years.

Apparently all of the chocolate companies got together and decided dark chocolate is good for the blood vessels. Which reminds me, free truffles at Godiva.

Philadelphia is looking to provide citywide wireless access. Mayor Jane, get off your ass.

Exercise Yard

Another horse racing scandal in the UK. Kieren Fallon, a top jockey, was arrested with 16 others. I've always thought horse racing was above board, but we've all seen things that sometimes make you go mmmmmm. Let's clean this up and move on.

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20 Across: "Doctor Zhivago" author (14 letters) Answer: Boris Pasternak