I like Trader Joe's, and went to the one at Crocker today, but they certainly could use wider aisles. You see, I'm a cart guy, not a carry-your-swag thingy guy. So, I do need my space. I don't need someone staring at Sea Salt Potato Chips wondering if they are any good or not. They are, throw 'em in the cart, move along. Then I had that psycho that we bump into every once in a while. You know, the one that follows you when you stop to pick out an item and they are wanting the same thing. All over the store.

I had some chick and her slave man, annoy me from the milk area through the meat area to the hummus area. BTW, the Chipotle Pepper hummus is out of control good. But jeepers, have you annoyed me enough? Get away. I finally went to the canned beef stew area for sanctuary, figuring they were the type of couple that wouldn't eat anything out of a can.

Meal of Links

Tony Kornheiser wrapped up his radio show on Friday, and I got to hear the final rerun today. He has been my lunch companion for many a year. We can continue to live the Mister Tony Experience through PTI weekdays on ESPN and Monday Night Football this fall.













The LA Times has expanded Coachella coverage, which is actually quite good. The Internet feed is great, but I wish it was in this time zone. I didn't see Depeche Mode until 1:30 a.m. or so. I found myself still up at 2:45, watching She Wants Revenge, and they were still going strong.

Have you heard about the documentary, "The Bridge". It explores suicides off the Golden Gate Bridge. I realize this is not exactly a laughfest, but I do find the subject intriguing.

Exercise Yard

When it comes to steroid use in baseball, what better judge than baseball cards? A steroid comparison using the cards using the cards of Mark McGwire vs. Barry Bonds.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

While in the midst of waiting for Depeche Mode, Live from Coachella, I'm wrapping up a long day. The Coachella webcast has great video and audio and shows how cool the Internet can be. Sunday's schedule includes Sleater-Kinney amd the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Big ups to Paul for supplying two TVs (ESPN and the NFL Network), gumbo, pulled pork, pizza and various and sundry food and drink items for the NFL Draft today. Plus, you can't have enough Kid From Brooklyn references for my taste. Nextel surprised me by not showing the "Where"s Meckler?" ad, but continuously showing the ad with the Mexican with the two mayonnaise jars. I don't get it.

The highlights for me included LenDale White, with his draft stock stopping, wearing a t-shirt that I swear had Stephon Marbury on it. Not exactly providing a good impression. And the Haloti Ngata (who the Browns passed on, the man who ESPN's Mark Schlereth said was "on the ground more than grass.") interview on ESPN from Las Vegas was interesting, merely because of the chaos that seemed to be emanating from Las Vegas. And the number-one pick for the 49ers, Vernon Davis, sobbing uncontrollably as he was the sixth overall pick. Imagine that. An NFL guy who is actually humbled by the realization that his dream came true. That always gets me. I like that stuff.

I was at the Indians game last night and it was Ohio Lottery scratch off night. The theme: Spruce up for Spring. Needless to say, I didn't win the big prizes (like the lawn tractor, won by a very cute woman, BTW), but won a free Upper Reserved ticket during April or May (I guess it's just May now). Those are pretty much the worst seats in the park. Thank you, Ohio Lottery.

Meal of Links

One of the highlights of Sweeps has to be "David Blaine: Drowned Alive". Oh, if it were true.

Kids fainting. Kids dropping f-bombs. Foreign kids dominating. Me drinking. What can it be? The Spelling Bee in primetime, baby!

Keith Richards hurts his head by falling out of a tree. His agent was quick to point out "he had not been drinking".

Exercise Yard

The Browns participated in the crapshoot known as the NFL Draft. Of course, all of their picks are high-character guys, who can contribute immediately, have tremendous upside, and will become important members not only of the team, but the community, as well.

The picks were: Round 1: Linebacker Kamerion ("He's a rubberband man type, Gumby-like") Wimbley, Round 2: Linebacker D'Qwell ("A middle linebacker who can play in the nickel") Jackson, Round 3: Wide Receiver Travis ("I know I'm the best receiver in the draft") Wilson. They have seven picks on Sunday. Round 4: Two, Round 5: Two, Round 6: Two, Round 7: One.

Visitor

10 Down: Supermodel Sastre (4 letters) Answer: Ines

I stopped by my favorite niece this evening. Today we had some sort of superpowers. I was Batman (no mask, but some sort of cape with Winnie the Pooh on it. So, I had Pooh on my head.), she was Wonder Woman and my brother was known as the terrifying "Soft Man". Yes, "Soft Man" and yes, it was that funny. But she needs some work, because the first thing she did with her newly found superpower was command it to rain. Not exactly striking fear into the world of crime. My brother commented that perhaps the criminals would stay inside to prevent getting wet. I told her I thought she could do better. Of course, "Soft Man" used his incredible powers to command "Hokey Pokey Elmo" to dance. (Uh, the switch needed to be on, but don't tell anyone.)

Meal of Links

Snoop Dogg and friends cause a ruckus at Heathrow. Lee Iacocca throws bailizzle to get out of jailizzle.

Coachella is this weekend. Kanye West gets the late call.

Jennifer Lopez is in the cover of People En Espanol's "50 Beautiful People" issue. Next up, Cat Fancy's special issue.

Exercise Yard

Dale Jr. paints his car black this weekend at Talladega, known as the Lady in Black. I first heard of this at the Indians game the other day, when I had my Bud hat on backwards. I'm walking down the aisle, the guy behind me says, "He painted his car black." I looked at him as if he spoke Martian and said, "Excuse me." "He painted his car black." Finally realizing what he said, I countered with, "Just for the weekend or all year?" The guy says, "I dunno. Maybe he wants to be like his Dad." There you have it, a misinformed to the clueless conversation.

Visitor

44 Across: "Stand and Deliver" actor Edward James _____ (5 letters) Answer: Olmos

I'm not sure where the story about a roof over Cleveland Browns Stadium originated. But, a couple of things. First, Randy Lerner can afford it, so I don't want some guy several years after the fact, raising my taxes, so it gets done now. It should have been part of the original design.

And what is the end goal? A transformation in the off-season to a full-fledged convention center or what? I didn't listen to the radio too close today, but I find the talk premature and short-sighted, at best.

Meal of Links

Awww, look at Teddy. His picture doesn't do him justice, he's so cute. I have to see if I have enough cap room to afford him. Everyone says get him, even though I barely take care of myself.

Angelina Jolie is No. 1 on the list of People's 100 Most Beautiful People. As if there was doubt.

Gas-free beans. Seriously, the fruit that doesn't make you toot.

Exercise Yard

It's the NFL Draft Drinking Game, If you actually play, you won't even make it to when the Saints pick. And they pick second.

Visitor

22 Across: Punk rock innovators, with "the" (7 letters) Answer: Ramones

Went to the Tribe game tonight. Nomar Stalker's Dad came through with club seats, so my Dad and I joined the Stalker, as we upgraded our seats to see the Indians take on Curt Schilling. On the way over, the APL had a truck there. They had two dogs, and by God, I wanted to adopt one named Teddy. But I didn't. I hope someone claimed him though, because his reaction when I went to pet him was that he had to be abused, because he shied away at first and then he warmed up. Damn that APL, having cute dogs like that. Missing was the violin music coming from the back of the truck.

As for the game, the Tribe got Pap Smeared as Jonathan Papelbon saved the game for the Red Sox, Boston 8, Cleveland 6. First of all, it was colder than Opening Day. I mean freezing. As a matter of fact, my theromostat read 58 when I got home. Schilling started off OK, whiffing the side in the first, but this game turned into a marathon. Schilling threw 133 pitches before he left in the 7th. Jake Westbrook walked 6 in five innings for the Indians. He lucked into a double play on a pickoff as Manny wandered too far off second and Varitek made a stupid play by getting tagged going to second, then Manny thrown out at third.

Eric Wedge with lousy managing of the bullpen. Jason Davis should have come out for the seventh, he didn't. Scott Sauerbeck came in to face David Ortiz. Papi hammered the first pitch for a homer, that was it for Scott. Then Mota (Hello, Mota) came in and gave up a three-run homer to Manny in the 8th. Manny is back, as he is driving the ball hard to right field.

Club seats allow you to have free food and drink, only paying for alcohol. The best thing though was the hot chocolate, which kept us going in the cold. I think the funniest two lines were after a vendor said, "Last call for hot dogs.", a female said, "I'll have a wiener." Then my Dad noticed some kids getting peanuts and throwing them around. Of course, he had to complain about something, so he said, "Look at those kids doing that. Don't they know there are kids starving in A-va...A-fa...A-va-ga-stan?" We started laughing and I said, "Do you mean Afghanistan?". He said, "Yeah, where there's a Stan in it, they're hungry." I said, "Next time, just say France."

Meal of Links

The other day while figuring out what I want to wear when I am named Ambassador, I thought the look of the Monopoly Guy was pretty good. Via the phone line to Atlantic City, we were disappointed to find out his name was Mr. Monopoly. I was wishing for something more dramatic, not unlike Leo Farnsworth or H.E. Pennypacker.

Looks like Maury can't phone this show in. Unlike the Paternity or Boot Camp episodes.

Reynolds reaches back for some Levi Garrett. I also remember Skoal, Copenhagen and Happy Days Mint.

Exercise Yard

Rick Monday saved the flag 30 years ago. At Dodger Stadium, right there in the outfield. I remember the incident followed by the scoreboard message, "Rick Monday, You Made a Great Play". Everyone wanted to sing "You're A Grand Old Flag", but no one knew the words.

Visitor

32 Across: Actress MacDowell (5 letters) Answer: Andie

I stopped at Mazzone's Bakery this a.m. You gotta love fresh bread from the bakery. I picked up a loaf of Jewish Rye. I have no idea what makes it Jewish, but it's pretty damn good stuff.

I know very few us of watch the NBA Playoffs, but do yourself a favor and watch TNT's studio show with Charles Barkley. It's a good time, and it keeps you up-to-date, without having to watch games, if that's what you choose. And if you watch ABC, make sure you listen to Hubie Brown, you might learn something about the game.

Meal of Links

James Garner gets a statue in Norman, OK. "Jimmy, old buddy, buddy. It's Angel! You know how they allow you one phone call? Well, this is it."

The Empire State Building is 75 years old. Here's the facts.

Listen to what Frank Zappa (or Mr. Zappa) said when he appeared on "Crossfire" in 1986. Fascist theocracy: "...When you have a government that prefers a certain moral code derived from a certain religion. And that moral code turns into legislation to suit one certain religious point of view and if that code happens to be very, very right wing, almost toward Attila the Hun..." Folks, that was 20 years ago.

Exercise Yard

Baseball's blood feud continues, as Jose Mesa still hates Omar Vizquel. So, he still throws at him. Wonder what Tony Fernandez thinks about that. I mean, he was the real goat of '97, but somehow no one remembers that.

Today, Matt Morris drilled two Rockies in the first and Omar took another one in the eighth. Ejections, fines and maybe suspensions forthcoming.

Visitor

None, it's Sunday.

What better way to spend one of the few nice spring Saturdays we've had, thus far, by staying indoors to watch the Cavs first playoff game since 1998. That was when Z had healthy feet and as Charles Barkley said about himself, when Barkley was skinny. I've already DVR'ed the Byrd-Klitschko fight on HBO at 5:00, mowed the lawn, and made my NASCAR and NBA Playoff fantasy picks, so I'm ready to roll.

First, we have Bloody Marys to make. I always have the Official Sports Vodka on hand, Kamchatka, an American vodka, BTW. We were greeted with the news last summer that Kamchatka, typically referred to as a "budget" vodka, is the number one selling booze in Ohio. And has been at times throughout the last decade. In taste, it rates 70th of 78 vodkas, whoo boy. But we're throwing other stuff in it, so who cares? My Bloodies at home typically include a regular bottled mix like Tabasco, some horseradish, a couple of dashes of some Tabasco or other hot sauce, some dashes of Worcestershire, pepper, and some olives for your garny.

The American Broadcasting Company handles today's broadcast duties. We have HDTV by Sony, the aformentioned Bloody Marys, and in a severe miscalculation of snack items, I'm left with only Red Vines and my world-famous Ritz Bites, which are out-of-control good, but it would be nice to have more of a variety. Methinks an order to the Chinese place around the corner may be in the offing.

First half observations:

The Cavs had a fairly easy first half, because Washington couldn't shoot. Bad foul shooting combined with horrible three-point shooting and no defense makes for a big lead for the opponent.

Tom Petty looks like he's handling the music for the NBA Playoffs this year, kicking it off with "Runnin' Down a Dream". Apparently G.E. Smith was busy.

Hubie Brown has a man crush on Anderson Varejao. But I love the Hubieisms like "painted area" instead of the lane. Now, if he talks about Anderson Varejao's "painted area", we have problems.

There actually was a stoppage in play, as a balloon descended from the heights of Quicken Loans Arena. LeBron handles it.

The Nike Witness t-shirts that some sheep are wearing look stupid.

The guy at the south end in Row 1 with the red cap, the towel waver, is gettin' on my nerves.

LeBron had a big first half. First, he admitted to having butterflies. Then he was praised in a musical tribute by Fatboy Slim. Then he scores 19, pretty much having his way out there.

I like the Wizards coach, Eddie Jordan. He's most famous for saying "It's time to harvest your nuts, man." I know what he meant, I just like the fact it's open to a milion different interpretations.

For the Cavs, Eric Snow had a good half, agressively scoring. Larry Hughes was a non-entity. Donyell Marshall hit two big threes. Z was pretty much Z.

For the Wizards, Gilbert Arenas had a really poor half. Not good with the shot selection.

The NBA Finals start (gulp!) on June 8th.

Second half observations:

LeBron James is pretty good. A triple double in his first playoff game.

The Cavs proved it's not the first pass out of the double team, but the second one that can lead to the wide open shot.

Cavs stretched the lead to 19 points at one time.

I like the hair of Etan Thomas of the Wizards.

One particularly awful call on Varejao at the start of the fourth quarter. I thought David Stern "had made the call" for a second.

Gilbert Arenas spent a lot of time on the bench in the third quarter, but rallied for 26 points.

Damn towel wavers.

The Nike Witnesses commercial was equally as stupid as the t-shirt.

Mike Breen with a good line, "Hubie, there's a man behind us who disagrees with that call. And he's not using nice words."

All in all, a very good tactical game for the Cavs. They actually played a bit of defense, took advantage of a lot of open looks on offense, and reaped the benefit of some lousy shooting by the Wizards. Oh, if they were all this easy. However, it's a long series, and the Wizards may have gotten their bad game out of the way early. We'll see.
















The Cavs take Game One, 97-86.

Now it's off to Byrd-Klitschko. What, it's already over? That's why they make DVRs.

Meal of Links

I am really diggin' the chicken quesadillas from Johnny Mango. Enclosed in a wheat tortilla, man, those are good. Plus, Bohemias at $1.75 during happy hour. Mas fina.

I never listened to David Lee Roth, but he got canned. Looks like O&A move back to 92 in the p.m., not 98 in the a.m., or so I've heard.

59 things a man should never do past 30. As a non-Oreo eater, do people still eat them in stages?

Exercise Yard

Today, it was like the old Wide World of Sports program with Chris Byrd defending his heavyweight title against Wladimir Klitschko at 5:00 Eastern on HBO. Michael Buffer is speakin' German, as we're in Mannheim. Showoff.

I watch the fight. In my opinion, Klitschko threw a shutout, ending it by KOing Byrd in Round 7. Garden variety stuff through 4 rounds. A big time round from Klitschko, "The Steel Hammer", with a knockdown in the fifth, more damage in the sixth and finally the KO early in the seventh.

I love Larry Merchant on HBO, who pretty much summed it up with this line: "If Byrd was hoping to wear Klitschko out with his face and his head by taking all those blows, that was not a good strategy."

Visitor

26 Down: "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" singer (10 letters) Answer: Pat Benatar

Giant Eagle sponsors an Indians ticket discount on Tuesday night home games, where select seats are half off. Boston comes to town next week for their only appearance of the year.

Nomar Stalker and I had previous conversations about attending. We decided not to go, because it was the triple threat of Tim Wakefield pitching, a weather forecast of 52 degrees and rain, plus the Cavs playing next door. I got to pull the Gramps card and said it's certainly not worth getting rained on, and the Cavs are on TV, etc.

Then we found out Curt Schilling is pitching. All of a sudden, we're giddy with excitement, and now we're going. We may be able to sit under cover, they have good seats left that are cheap (upper boxes for $9!), we can Tivo the Cavs and my God, it's Schilling. It's amazing when you get older, how attending these things can be a chore.

Meal of Links

Silent Bob speaks about Jay's rehab and subsequent sobriety. Long read, but interesting.

Hey, it's Thursday. Must be time for another Pete Doherty arrest.

Shaun Alexander is the cover boy for Madden 07. That means he must deal with the dreaded (cue the music) "Madden Curse".

Exercise Yard

The Cavs start the NBA playoffs on Saturday and I'm not thrilled with the opponent, the evil Washington Wizards. The Wizards match up very well against us. I see LeBron probably needing to score 40 a game in this series. My prediction is a 4-2 series win for the Cavs, but I would not be shocked if we drop this series, because much like any Cleveland team...(everyone!)...we don't play defense.

Visitor

22 Across: Painter of ballerinas (5 letters) Answer: Degas

For all the goodwill I spread around this town, I think I should get a title like Ambassador or something. Just today, I prevented another person from needlessly putting money into a parking meter by the Stadium. "It's after 6, you don't have to pay.", I tell the guy. That's what I do. "Maam, it's Sunday, keep your money.", "It's Saturday, it's free." I tell everyone.

I also aid the lost traveler. Today, an old woman stops her car by me and says she was on her way to Chicago. I notice a map and lots of stuff in the car and I'm thinking Alzhiemer's, like she thinks she's in Chicago. But no, she was getting concerned about how long it took to drive there, she had Illinois plates, but was driving from New York, and wanted to stop at a cheap hotel. She somehow got on the Shoreway, (a missed turn, perhaps?) and thought she'd see some hotels from the road. Not in our town, lady. Anyhow, I instructed her to go the Holiday Inn Lakeside. God, I hope it still exists.

Meal of Links

Once again, today's porn technology becomes tomorrow's standards. Downloadable, transferable, burnable movies.

I'm not sure what to make of this. The last couple of times I got a Diet Coke from the fine folks at Wendy's, the cup is falling apart. Confused as to if it is poor cup craftsmanship or Diet Coke having the ability to eat right through the cup during consumption. I can only describe the cup as becoming as flimsy as those old sno-cone cups. Very disturbing, because the lid goes askew during the timeframe I need it to stay secure.

Scott McClellan finally hit the road today. I think he had less than zero credibility at the end, it had become that bad.

Exercise Yard

The Baseball Prospectus via ESPN outlined the Top 50 most valuable properties in MLB. Four Indians made the list: Martinez at 34, Hafner at 33, Peralta at 15, Sizemore at 14.

Visitor

36 Across: Cooperstown's Ott (3 letters) Answer: Mel (He could sign his name 2.5x faster than Carl Yastrzemski)

"Well, you made a long journey from Milan to Minsk. Rochelle. Rochelle. You never stopped hoping, now you're in the Pinsk. Rochelle, Rochelle"

While watching the "Seinfeld" episode which featured "Rochelle, Rochelle: The Musical", I realized that "Beaches" is a movie I've never seen (or wanted to see), but it certainly gets trashed a lot. "Wind Beneath My Wings"...Ugh. Bette Midler...Nah. How did a babe like Barbara Hershey (who is now 60, yikes) get in that one?

I checked on IMDB and man, she was not in a lot of successful fare. Before "Beaches", she was in "The Last Temptation of Christ", not too far removed from "Hoosiers" and "Tin Men". After "Beaches", I only recognize "Falling Down", "Swing Kids" (it's the war, baby, let's dance), and "Return to Lonesome Dove". I find that shocking. Of course, she'll never top her "Harriet Bird" role in "The Natural".

Meal of Links

If you haven't seen Chad Johnson's show on the NFL Network, try and catch it. It's one of those "In Their Own Words" programs and I laughed quite a bit.

Charges finally came down in the Duke Lacrosse case. Something happened, not sure if it was a crime, but something is going on here.

Looks like Tom Cruise had his Placenta Alfredo today. The best joke was from "Countdown" where the graphic read the baby was 20 inches, which was "one third the height of her father".

Exercise Yard

Watching the Tribe on STO, a couple of things jumped out. The picture on the digital broadcast was awful. "Regular TV" was OK. The Orioles defense in the sixth inning was the worst we've seen since Kansas City dropped fly balls to hand us a win last year. And Orioles pitcher Chris Britton was the sweatiest pitcher I've seen since Doc Gooden. BTW, the Indians won, 15-1.

Visitor

47 Across: Saxophonist Parker (7 letters) Answer: Charlie

My goal this year was to read one book a month and I'm slightly behind. I finally finished Bill Simmons' "Now I can Die In Peace". I enjoyed it very much, because I had forgotten about "Mr. Weebles", Jimy Williams' alter ego, who made him do stupid things. Next up is Harvey Araton's "Crashing the Borders: How Basketball Won the World and Lost its Soul at Home", just in time for the NBA playoffs ("Go Bron Bron!"). Hopefully, it doesn't read as long as that title.

Meal of Links

If there is a current band name better than Gnarls Barkley, I haven't heard it. "Crazy" is still Number 1 in the UK.

Do you recall that old "Far Side" panel where parents are dreaming of want ads that pay big money for their video-playing kids? Well, it's starting.

Springsteen comes to Blossom for the Seeger Sessions. He promises "an all new evening of gospel, folk and blues". Looks like he'll pull out the old cord tie for that show.

Exercise Yard

Fairleigh Dickinson wins the NCAA Women's Bowling title. I hate the Baker format, you know, where one bowls frames 1 and 6, the next 2 and 7, and so on. I like the smokin' and drinkin' format of rolling 10 frames each. And there's way too much high-fiving for my taste.

Visitor

35 Across: "I Just Wanna Stop" singer Vannelli (4 letters) Answer: Gino

Having an emergency pop up to postpone Easter dinner allowed me to do some things I didn't expect to do today.

I got to spread mulch by my front bushes today. I was the only one outside in my neighborhood today. Oh, I forgot. My weird neighbor, who does noisy things each holiday (who could forget the famous leaf-blowing episode of Thansgiving 2004), decided to vacuum his car today. Ladies and gentlemen, it's a Focus. Nuff said.

I watched the DVR replay of the Floyd Mayweather, Jr.-Zab Judah fight from the good people at HBO. This was the one where Mayweather's Uncle Roger ran into the ring to confront Judah after Zab hit Mayweather in the groin, followed by a punch to the back of the head, in Round 10. Poor Uncle Roger was engulfed by security and we didn't see much fighting between people who should not have been in the ring. Since this happened a week ago, you know all the details before you see it and are disappointed when it happens. And yes, I watched the whole fight, knowing the outcome ahead of time. Because, that's the way I am. Anyhow, Lamps tries to get special guest commentator, former heavyweight champ Lennox Lewis, to talk about how it is to get hit with low blows. Lennox brought us new info by telling us that, "It doesn't feel good." Thanks!

Also got to see a version of "Our new pitcher is just as good as your new pitcher" during the Indians-Tigers game. I am very anxious for the Fausto Carmona Era to begin for the Tribe at Jacobs Field. He looked very good on Saturday and might be the real deal. Plus, I like the name Fausto Carmona. Say it a few times. Fausto Carmona. Didn't he play in Tito Puente's band? Just don't call him "F-Car". Well, the Tigers had Joel Zumaya pitch the 8th today and, my God, the ballpark was buzzing. He throws real hard, in the upper 90's. Then Zumaya brought out Uncle Charlie to whiff Grady Sizemore and it's all over. If he can consistently throw that pitch, look out.

Looking for something to munch on, I brought out my box of Toasteds crackers. I usually opt for the Party Pack, because crackers are so festive, I guess. It consists of Buttercrisp, Wheat and Sesame. Imagine my disappointment when I only had a few Sesame crackers left. That's like having only peanuts remaining from a box of Cracker Jack. Yuck.

Words cannot describe the reality show, "Survival of the Richest", hosted by Hal Sparks. I guess one rich person is teamed with a Roni Deutch client and they compete. This episode had the contestants pick red peppers on a farm for four hours in 102-degree heat. I'm thinking someone could die and sure enough, 9-1-1 was called for some guy. Fairly insipid.

Meal of Links

The favorite British pop lyric is "One" by U2. The current U2/Mary J. Blige version is Number 3 on this week's charts over there.

It is the 100th Anniversary of the San Francisco Earthquake this week. I think that was the first Big One. But many tourist-y events are happening.

The Archbishop of Canterbury's Easter sermon. His picture leads one to believe that "Nobody beats the Wiz", but the sermon is kinda lengthy. Have to make it worth while for the C&E crowd.

Exercise Yard

Celtic wins the Scottish League. I see the comedian Billy Connolly handed over the trophy. Kudos to Connolly for speaking out against racism, but wouldn't that be like Jim Carrey being involved in some sort of AL or NLCS celebration? Seems odd.

Visitor

None, it's Easter Sunday.

It bugs me that Pat O'Brien Chevrolet is using the old Mullinax Ford background music. Not the "I've got a Ford on my mind, mind, mind...", but the country-tinged instrumental one. I'm not sure why that tune has stuck in my head all these years, but couldn't they afford some other dopey music?

Cannot think of a more definitive sign of spring than mowing the lawn for the first time in 2006, then cleaning the grill and getting it primed for pork chops. Here's to more sunny weekends.

Meal of Links

Words cannot describe this music video. It came out in 1983, the same year as "Every Breath You Take" and "Billie Jean" for comparison. Look for them on this year's "Baby, Hit Me One More Time".

Anybody remember WebCrawler. I used that extensively way back when.

The Easter Bunny is one angry dude.

Exercise Yard

I failed to mention the most obvious sign of spring. The Boston Bruins still suck.

Visitor

12 Down: "Fun With Dick and Jane" costar (8 letters) Answer: Tea Leoni

I was at last night's Tribe game with Gale and Nomar Stalker (I won't say which one of has had a frozen groin). It was an odd one, because it was Student ID Night. And the kids delivered. To the tune of a walkup crowd of 8,400, which was a record for Jacobs Field. Sadly, a commentary on attendance these days. Anyhow, we went to see the young stud pitcher for Seattle, Felix Hernandez. He didn't have a particularly great game, but neither did the Tribe bullpen, as they gave up 6 runs late top lose the game.

Strange things were happening though, as there were two skirmishes that brought the cops out. Still, it was not even close to the best fan fight I saw several years ago at Jacobs Field. That consisted of one chick delivering a right hand straight out of "Rocky" to the jaw of another female.

I stopped in today for the annual Good Friday tradition of non-meat items and beer, with Drew in attendance at O'Rielly's. They moved a little further to the west, but still in Cedar Center. Looks almost the same, but a bit wider. Crab cake sandwiches, baby! When two Pinewood Derby winners get together, forget about it.

Meal of Links

The DEA agent who shot himself in the foot is a tough dude. No need to sue though. I'm sure he was ribbed incessantly, probably acquired a nickname, but after several months, can't you take a joke.

Nikki Finke has the scoop on the goings-on at the new sports division of CAA and IMG losing agents.. And Matt Leinart dumping Leigh Steinberg for CAA.

"Rummy, you're doing a heck of a job."

Exercise Yard

There is nothing like Vin Scully calling a game. Here's Scully's call of Game 6 re-enacted with RBI Baseball. "There's a little roller up along first, behind the bag! It gets through Buckner!"

I still feel bad for Billy Buck after all these years. Even in RBI Baseball.

Visitor

34 Across: Falco of "The Sopranos" (4 letters) Answer: Edie

Cheney guns one in there at yesterday's Nationals game.

I was taken aback by the trailer for "United 93". It's not that I have a problem with the content, as I did watch the docudrama that was on A&E or Discovery several months back. I guess I'm leery of someone trying to make money from this story. Even with cooperation of the families and the idea of a story that must be told (or however the publicity machine puts it), I think it's a blatant attempt to cash in.

And Hollywood is not in the business of making movies for fun or for noble causes (Hell, "Munich" should have been better), so they obviously think enough time (Five years. "...enough time has passed to allow contemporary filmmakers to interpret the day's events" or some such hooey) has passed and they are rolling the dice. I think I'll pass.

Meal of Links

I was dumbfounded to see that it was Cheeta's birthday the other day. Yes, that Cheeta. He's 74, a diabetic, and lives in Palm Springs. Just like any other retired actor.

Proof got shot. He died. The old "escalating argument leads to a shooting of a rapper" thing.

Rival midget Kiss tribute bands are feuding. No wonder they hate us.

Exercise Yard

Wayne Rooney must have seen "Lost in America". Because his gambling debt has reached 700,000 pounds. "As the boldest experiment in advertising history, you give us our money back."

Visitor

20 Across: Speedskater Heiden (4 letters) Answer: Eric

I was dumbfounded to hear someone I work with say she didn't know who Ashton Kutcher was. I mean if you didn't know the guy, you'd think maybe you'd see an item on his fling with Demi Moore or maybe an ad for "That 70's Show" or something. I dunno, I found that really bizarre. I don't watch Jenna Elfman's show, but I certainly know who she is. BTW, her show got the boot. I'm surprised you wouldn't bump into Kutcher's celebrity by accident.

Meal of Links

A fat-busting laser is being developed. What if the damn thing worked on humans? I think it's kinda cool. I wonder if it tickles.

The Stanford Band is making the old timers mad again. "Stay off my lawn!" Sorry.

More comics I don't have to read. "Marmaduke". I get it. He's a dog. And he's big.

Exercise Yard

Jeffrey Maier is all growed up now. Oh, how I hated that kid.

Visitor

23 Down: Frank selling chickens (6 letters) Answer: Perdue

While contemplating life today, I noticed the Champ Car series has a driver named Will Power. I smiled.

But it really bothers me when I run out of maple syrup while I still have Eggo's left. A couple of weeks ago, I wanted waffles since I hadn't had any in a long time, and got sucked in one of those 8 for $10 deals and secured a couple of boxes. Of course, I failed to take note of my syrup situation at the time, but still had some left. Today I finished it off and thought I'd get a new bottle before I had waffles again. I guarantee, I'll forget before I toast the next batch and have to put Tabasco on them or something.

Meal of Links

Seymour Hersh clouds our day with the idea that we might use tactical NUCLEAR weapons in a new conflict with Iran. UK Foreign Secretary Straw says this is "completely nuts". Someone is talking, because the Washington Post runs with it, as well.

The Writers Guild chooses the 100 Greatest Screenplays. Good to see recent offerings like "Memento", "Fargo" and "Eternal Sunshine..." on the list. Even "Pulp Fiction" clocked in at No. 16.

Check out all the news about wrangling new stadiums from certain municipalities. KC just got snookered this past week.

Exercise Yard

I loathe Phil Mickelson. I think he's a goof. And I get tired of these fans who go crazy for him. Needless to say, I was dropping f-bombs (Christ, I was Browns-like) as FIGJAM won the Masters. (FIGJAM is "Fuck, I'm good. Just ask me.") Thank God, it was cold today, so I could devote lots of time to watch the conclusion.

I was there pretty early because of that nutbag who was sitting behind the Indians dugout on the STO broadcast. In HD, mind you. Did anyone see this hooded clown? He was overacting the whole game, knowing he was on the tube each time a right-handed batter was up. Clapping like a seal to "dun, dun, dun, dun" and "Charge", cabbage-patchin', and of course, the dreaded "Hey, I'm on TV" cellphone call during the action. I had to bail.

I wanted Couples, Olazabal, Tiger, even Vijay Singh, for cryin' out loud, to make a few putts and put some pressure on that automaton. But no, I had to watch all the others make mistakes. I'll give him credit, Phil didn't blow this one. Not one costly mistake and only one bogey on 18, and he beat a damn good contending field. Bah.

I say this, though. Give me Fred Couples swing on the drive that he had on No. 1, and I would start playing golf again. Immediately.

Visitor

None, "It's a tradition unlike any other. The Masters on CBS."

Another successful Tribe Home Opener is in the books. The temperature was cold (fog rolled in), the beer was cold (with amateur vendors who couldn't add), and the Indian bats were hot. They pounded the crap out of the ball. The dreaded Casey Blake hit a Granny and Travis Hafner had two homers, as well. Byrd (can I call him "Birdie"?) pitched well enough to win and it was a good day all around. Some might even refer to it as "the best Opening Day ever".

Random Notes:

Opening Day is one of the few times you can use the word bunting and it's not about baseball.

I ran into one of my favorite co-workers of yesteryear before the game at Alesci's, who I had not seen in quite a long time. She bought me a beer and that was nice. A pleasant surprise.

The best line of the day had to be, "He had a bladder like a hippopotamus."

Casey Coleman threw out the first pitch and he was not lookin' so good.

I did not eat a hot dog since it was a Friday and only had a bit of popcorn and some peanuts. But I did have beer. Make that plural.

Hanna Garage charged $20 to park. I only mention that because I think for the rest of 2006, I can park on the street. I choose to pay only on St. Pat's and Opening Day, and steadfastly refuse lots at other times. Emergencies or anger excepted.

A beer vendor was going to charge us $16.25 for 3 beers at $5.75 per. I'm sensing Cleveland Public School graduate.

Slider has a new Ho Train, known as "The Fun Bunch". Ugh.

When Aaron Boone steps in, people start saying, "Boo-o-o-o-o-o". Seems like it's a good-sounding "Boo" presently. It can change though. Casey Blake, on the other hand, knows what that word means when he steps in.

K.C. of Sunshine Band fame sang "Take Me Out to the Ballgame". Can't say it was exciting, just that it happened and I was there to see it.

Cletus set off fireworks after Victor Martinez hit a DOUBLE. Then after Larry Dolan pitched a fit about the cost, scaled back on the fireworks when actual homers were hit later.

Meal of Links

Am I bad person? (Link goes to review...if seeing this one, skip) I was going to see "Lucky Number Slevin" at Ridge Park. Even though it's the closest multiplex to me, it's not the modern stadium seating of which I have been accustomed. But, I thought I would go there and give it a shot.

As I'm walking across the parking lot, I notice a group of mentally challenged people, accompanied by two squad leaders (for lack of a better term) heading for the box office. I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not sure what movie this group was going to understand. Some were of the staring variety, some of the grunting variety, and some were wheeled in. I'm thinking "Ice Age 2", maybe "Benchwarmers", so I wait to hear which one they are going to see. The girl says, "Ten for "Lucky Number Slevin." Are you kidding me? I couldn't go in. I waited for another show. Does that make me bad? Trust me, I care, I really do, about the less fortunate. Just not during this particular movie.

Anyhow, I went to a later show at a different cineplex, the Regal Beagle on Bagley. Can't say much about the movie, but I thought it was well-acted. It's just, well, I can't reveal anything. Other than Lucy Liu was funny.

Hey, Judas may not be such a bad dude. Sort of like "Judas Is Scary Not".

"Joker...Joker...Joker". Prankster puts a fake sign on a Detroit highway.

Exercise Yard

I'm not sure why, but the death of Maggie Dixon struck me as being very sad.

Visitor

10 Across: "Daisy Miller" author (5 letters) Answer: James

I've been under the weather this week, but I think I finally turned the corner today. So, I've had lots of time to catch up on some reading and listen to some music. Here are the tunes I've been listening to a lot lately.

The Somewhat Old:

"Nadine"/Chuck Berry
"Goin' Back"/Nils Lofgren
"Are You Ready for the Country"/Neil Young
"Boom Boom (Out Go The Lights)"/Pat Travers Band
"Chemistry Class"/Elvis Costello
"Tenderness on the Block"/Warren Zevon
"Slipped My Disco"/The Tubes

The Kinda Old:

"Starry Eyes"/Records
"Spin The Black Circle"/Pearl Jam
"Rules and Regulations"/Public Image Ltd.
"Your Phone's Off The Hook, But You're Not"/X
"Fight The Power"/The Isley Brothers
"Don't Let's Start"/They Might Be Giants

The New:

"Song With A Mission"/The Sounds
"Woman"/Wolfmother
"Upside"/Jack Johnson
"The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song"/The Flaming Lips
"La Ingrata"/Cafe Tecuba

Meal of Links

"American Idol" is so popular, why fix it? Here's how.

Can Bush fire himself? Libby says W. okayed the Plame leak. Ruh-roh.

There's a fungus among us. Haven't said that in a while. It felt good.

Exercise Yard

The NFL schedule arrived today. The Browns have insanely scheduled three home games to start at 4:00. No extra drinking there, I'm sure. And, of course, it's Christmas Eve with the Gruden Family.

Visitor

13 Down: Singer Joan with The Blackhearts (4 letters) Answer: Jett

I guess Sudoku has made the big time. I was listening to the White Sox broadcast of the Tribe game today on XM and they actually have Sudoku giveaways this year. Apparently, Sudoku books will be distributed to Sox fans on certain nights. Still waiting for the Jacobs Field sleepovers.

You can't riot over women's basketball. You just can't.

Meal of Links

The Peabody Awards were announced. Winners include: "South Park", "House", Scorsese's Dylan doc, and PBS' "Two Days in October", based on "They Marched Into Sunlight" by David Maraniss. I finished that book last month, simply because viewing "Two Days in October" sucked me in.

"London Calling" gets man arrested. Apparently, the taxi driver didn't like it.

Katie Couric moves to CBS, where I still won't watch her. No offense, but the rerun of "PTI" is on at 6:30.

Exercise Yard

The 100 greatest finishes in college football history. Good to see "On a fine, sunny Saturday. Buck Belue to Lindsay Scott...", as Keith Jackson would say, made the top 10. Amazingly, the Anthony Carter Homecoming game vs. Indiana barely cracked the top 30.

The immortal Bob Ufer with the call:

"The Wolverines are at the Indiana 45-yard line with six seconds left. There is time for just one more play. The season hangs in the balance. Okay. Under center is Wangler at the forty-five, he goes back, he's looking for a receiver, he throws downfield to Carter, Carter has it! Carter is...Ooooohhhhhh, Oh my God, Carter's scored!...[crowd going gaga]...Look at those Wolverines! 95 Wolverines are going into the endzone! Carter caught the pass! Indiana is stunned! Ufer is going out of his mind! I have never seen anything like this in all my 40 years of covering Michigan football! Anthony Carter, the Human Torpedo, caught the pass! Bo Schembechler is looking up, he's looking up at Fielding H. Yost in football's Valhalla, and Bo Schembechler says thank you Fielding Yost! Thank you Fielding Yost for that one! Look at the crowd! You cannot believe it! Michigan throws a 45-yard touchdown pass! Johnny Wangler to Anthony Carter will be heard until another 100 years of Michigan football is played!"

Visitor

27 Across: "Fawlty Towers" star (6 letters) Answer: Cleese

We had the Tribe game on at work today. Somebody, please stop Matt Underwood from devising nicknames. Today, Ben Broussard steps into the box and he calls him "Benny Brew". If he calls Aaron Boone "A-Boo", there will be trouble.

Speaking of the radio, have you heard these Vegas commercials with Tanya Roberts? I don't like her. She was one of the later "Charlie's Angels" and I'm still not sure what the hubbub was about. Currently, she's advertising discount trips to Vegas and I'm thinking to myself, this is the best celebrity you can come up with?

I remember her from some Cinemax show, where she's a late-night call-in host. Oh, I don't recall if the name was "Hot Line" or "Phone Sex" or something. Anyhow, her lines from the program were virtually the same every week. She starts off by encouraging people to call in to the show. She then says something like, "Bob, you're on K-I-S-S, talk to me." Then some lame-o talks about how he was at the zoo, met someone, and now wants to commit some sort of terra firma perversion with her or something. Then Tanya comes back with great acting and says, "Mmmmmm. Sounds interesting. Tell me more." That's it. Those were her lines. What an acting gig.

Meal of Links

Denny McLain is still a great interview. And he's actually out of prison.

TV or not TV. That is the question.

They found a new dinosaur in Utah. No, not Carlos Boozer (who's playing well, BTW). It looks like a turkey, but tastes like chicken.

Exercise Yard

Don't cry for me, Barry Bonds. Mybe they should take a syringe to this program.

Visitor

65 Across: Seth's son (4 letters) Answer: Enos

Don't panic.

I'm always amazed in this town about how we've figured out the Indians season already. OK, Captain Cheeseburger lasting 37 pitches wasn't a good thing. Fernando Cabrera giving up more runs in Game 1 than he did all of last year, well, that wasn't so good either.

I actually turned on the radio at 12:15 to hear Hammy, Matt Underwood and Homer Mike talking. WTF? They are gonna play? After a three-hour delay? Sure enough, I turn on the TV and we start again. Cabrera on the mound and it's raining like Hawaii out there. The guy can't throw strikes. This needs to be corrected soon. Don't forget, he didn't compete for a spot and went to the WBC and didn't pitch much this spring. And then Jim Thome hit one into orbit off him. Wow. And I love the fact that Peter Gammons is on the broadcast (keeping score, too), but they had him behind the screen and he looked like he was in jail.

Hammy was great though on the radio. You could tell he was getting pissed that the Tribe was losing. He was carping about the fact they were playing in the rain and someone could get hurt. I thought to myself if the umps called it early, it would be like the mercy rule and I didn't want that. I lasted until Blake hit a double in the eighth and I shut it down like the chef about 1:40.

BTW, the Chicago Tribune mentioned that several Sox players thought that the Tribe has a chip on their shoulder after collapsing last season. Wedgie got pissed and said, "I don't know how the hell would they know that." Uh-oh, I guess the front office really does hate the White Sox.

Meal of Links

Gloria Monty died. She was the woman who saved "General Hospital". Trust me, back then, Luke and Laura were the hottest thing going. Then we found out about the World Security Bureau with Luke and Scorpio. Then Grant Putnam hooked up with Celia Quartermaine in that Prometheus Disk fiasco. And then Blackie went to jail and then Lesley Webber finally stopped crying when she got killed in a car accident but then came back like 15 years later and then...

Cue "I've got the power". The day I left Hawaii, it rained. And it rained. Then it rained some more. And some more. Then, it finally stopped Over this past weekend. 41 days later.

The best thing about last night's Indians game was, once again, the VW ads. Peter Stormare, representing Deutschland, is killing me as he wants to "unpimp ze auto". When he gives the VW sign, I am rolling every time. Holla.

Exercise Yard

The Masters is this week. After 21 days of watching hoops, I'm happy to watch something slower.

Visitor

20 Across: "Long Tall Sally" singer (13 letters) Answer: Little Richard

It's Opening Day and still trying to recover from last year's final week collapse.

What better way to also recover from seeing pictures of Teri Hatcher canoodling with Ryan Seacrest, or from the mentally-challenged guy at Happy Dog who "snuck a peek" at me in the bathroom on Friday (a mere 24 hours from the peepee credo) than to slip on the old Yankee Haters cap and know that next year is finally here.

Per usual, I did not pay much attention to the Tribe during Spring Training. I imagine all of the stiffs hit .400 and the pitchers were throwing 100 mph. But, to remind everyone, the games don't really count. That's why they are known as exhibition games. However, I have consulted the Magic 8 Ball and have a vision, no matter how bifocalled it might be, of how the Indians will fare.

BTW, management has set us up like Carmen Policy, he of "we need to take a step back to get better" fame. If I hear, "we may be better than last year, but not win as many games" one more time, I may have to take drastic, perhaps, illegal action upon said party.

I see us solid at the normal positions:

Victor Martinez, Travis Hafner, Jhonny Peralta, Ronnie Belliard, and Grady Sizemore. That's five positions that should pose no problems. Martinez had a good year after an abysmal start. Hafner and Sizemore are also stars. Peralta had a really good year and no one turns the double play better than Belliard, who has developed into a good hitter. No problems there.

Now for the other postions.

Third Base: Aaron Boone. Traditionally a slow starter, he started like he was in a perpetual school zone last year. Effcectively killed us for three months at the start and September at the end. Can't be worse than last year, can he?

First Base: Ben Broussard/Eduardo Perez platoon. Perennial whipping boy Ben Broussard has hung up the guitar during the regular season. Let's hope he's more than a banjo hitter this year. Perez is the son of Tony Perez, whose nickname was "Dog". Let's hope he hits better than last year's dog, Jose Hernandez. I hold not much hope here and we may see Martinez and Hafner get more time at first.

Left Field: Jason Michaels. I heard Matt Underwood refer to him as "J-Mike" the other day. Hence, I hate him already. I hear the club talk about him and Ryan Ludwick pops into my head for some reason. Seems to have plate discipline, no power, but can he be a regular?

Right Field: Casey Blake. Like Michael Myers, this guy just won't leave. Along with Boone, he absolutely killed us for most of last season. There is something to be said for loyalty by the team to a guy and I guess Casey is a GCG, "Good Clubhouse Guy". Let's hope there is a really short leash on him this year.

Bench: It consists of Ramon Vazquez, Todd Hollandsworth and Kelly Shoppach and whoever does not start at first that day. Pardon me for yawning.

Starting Pitching: C.C. Sabathia, Paul Byrd, Cliff Lee are solid. We should get at least 45 wins here. Jake Westbrook is someone I don't like, but he's produced the last two seasons. How? I have no idea. Should be OK there. Jason Johnson, our resident diabetic, has talent, but has a reputaion as an "innings-eater". My definition of that term is a guy who pitches lots of innings, badly. Not convinced.

Bullpen: I think we lost too much here. Arthur Rhodes and Bob Howry were pretty damn good last year. Rhodes was unhittable early and Howry carried us the last six weeks of the season. Bob Wickman can't be aces like he was last year, can he? I think Danny Graves will help. I'm pleased with Scott Sauerbeck, Rafael Betancourt and Fernando Cabrera. It comes down to Guillermo Mota. "G-Mo" (OK, I made that up) needs to be the set-up guy that he was for Eric Gagne for the Dodgers. If not, it'll be an endless parade until we find someone. That may be Graves or Cabrera, we'll see.

So, it appears we have some question marks. Remember the last two months of the season we hardly lost. I can't see us repeating that performance. I think we'll win 91 games, finish second behind the White Sox and not make the playoffs.

Meal of Links

Chris Farley's back. Sort of in a Yul Brynner kind of way.

Wow, interesting news. Celebrities read. They actually read books. Speaking of books, since baseball season is here, I started Bill Simmons "Now I Can Die In Peace". It made me laugh out loud a few times already. And, of course, he recounted the playoff game where Pedro came out of the pen and shut us down. That was the "Dear Mike Hargrove, Here's your 18 dollars. Signed, Troy O'Leary" game. God, that was tough to take.

"Call 9-1-1. And Super-Size me." 21 percent of Vegas is obese? Good God, that seems like a lot of buffet regulars.

Exercise Yard

Cleveland got a terrific show with last night's Brewster-Liakhovich fight at the Bart. It was great to see a heavyweight fight that actually contained action. Liakhovich looked like he was done in the seventh, when he took a knee late in the round. But he came back from that point and pounded out a unanimous decision going forward to win the belt. And all of Belarus celebrates.

It was tough to see Brewster lose to a guy ranked 13th, as the heavyweight division can't seem to find one guy who'll step up and become the undisputed champ.

Visitor

None. Need I remind you, it's Opening Day.

Steve Martin used to say you could never play a sad song on a banjo. I'm thinkin' the same thing could be said for hearing a polka. Your mood automatically picks up. Last night, we had the chance to visit the Happy Dog for the Polka Happy Hour. Yes, it sounds strange, but somehow it works.

They had a dude spinning records, actual vinyl, mind you. Once in a while, he would pull out a tambourine and play along. And when he finished he put on the "cor-deen" and played a medley. I coined him the Neil Young of the Polka because his voice was OK, at best. We got to hear Johnny Cash and June Carter do "Jackson", Frankie Yankovic chimed in with "Too Fat Polka" and "Who Stole The Kishka?" and some really oddball stuff like "What Do Robinson Crusoe and Friday Do on Saturday Night?". A fun time had by all.

Plus, tons of meatless items there. I opted for the Veggie Sausage and Kraut sammie. And, hummus, of course. I had Labatt Blue Light and was distraught it was only 11.5 oz. WTF? First coffee, then ice cream, now beer?

Meal of Links

It's warming up in Antarctica. At least a little bit.

We need to watch this Delphi situation closely. It may cause major problems for GM.

"Bush! Escucha! Estamos en la lucha!" More immigrants rights marches. This time in NYC. Looks like they started the march where the Dutch settled. I wonder if Todd Gack was there.

Exercise Yard

Final Four Saturday was one of the worst I can remember. George Mason lost to Florida by playing 2 bad minutes before and 3 bad minutes after the half. UCLA whipped up on LSU, but that second half was absolutely brutal to watch. Both teams were inept, and I thought Wisconsin might have been back in. But the Bruins have the guns and depth and I think they'll prevail on Monday.

CSU coach Mike Garland got canned the other day and I can't say I was surprised. They need to get someone in here who can clean up this mess. Schedule upgrading would help. I have no idea who is coming, but I have to think it'll be someone with head coaching experience. Let's face it, currently it's not an attractive job, but with that facility, someone committed could make it happen.

Amazingly, Wright State was able to get UNC-Wilmington's coach for their head job today. And this guy has made two NCAA tournaments in four years, including this year. He's pretty good.

Visitor

22 Down: Big name in talk (7 letters) Answer: Geraldo (Strange puzzle today with the reverse words. Easy once you figured it out.)